Liveblogging Tampa Wednesday: Rand Paul Ryan Rubio Olympians?

by Jesse Taylor

you will worship the aqua buddhaI would like to welcome you all to my first ever Wonkette liveblog of anything ever except for those three years that I was secretly running the entire site but pretending I was white people!

ARE YOU READY TO HEAR PEOPLE REFERENCE BUILDING THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I’m sure you are.

Tonight, we have Rand Paul, who the RNC mistakenly identified as Ron Paul, and Jeb Bush, the only Bush allowed at the convention, and Marco Rubio, who is Cuban and therefore better than Democratic minorities, and of course P90X dreamboat Paul Ryan, who is neither Ron Paul or Rand Paul but will Fifty Shades of Grey the fuck out of you if you agree to take a Medicare voucher.

Drop your drawers, because it’s RNC night two: PANTSLESS PROSPERITY! Complete stupid schedule here.

There are Olympians tonight, too. Presumably ones who built that. Without coaches.

8:42 PM – Let’s get this started!

8:42 PM – Some lady on the floor is interviewing an immigrant (LEGAL) who learned how to quote Ronald Reagan just as good as a native-born ‘Murkan. I’m not sure why else he’s there, but he would die for Ronald Reagan. Or a lock of his hair.

8:43 PM – Boring man named “Tad True” (obvious pseudonym) talking about the Keystone Pipeline.

8:47 PM – Tad True still talking about how he’s hoping Obama will let the True Children ride the Keystone Pipeline on family vacations.

8:49 PM – Lady at the convention who owns a small business (OF COURSE) is blaming Obama for businesses not lending her money, as opposed to the massive economic meltdown in 2008 that’s tightened credit for everyone, because SHE BUILT THAT WOOOOOOOOO

8:51 PM – Some douche in a vest and very nearly hipster glasses is rubbing his newly trimmed beard all over a mic and calling it music.

8:54 PM – The proliferation of shitty music is really making me wonder how there aren’t enough Republicans in a nation of 310 million people to avoid having to listen to this.

8:57 PM – Same musical interlude. Starting to have a creeping realization that life is short and I have spent many precious minutes of it listening to glorified hold music on my TV.

8:59 PM – Rob Portmania begins. And electrifies the screen so much my TV goes out. Or I turned it off.

9:00 PM – Mitt Romney made money the old-fashioned way! He used his dad’s connections to get a great education then went into business with people who knew his famous, powerful father!

9:04 PM – Rob Portman is on the hunt for Obama’s economic plan, which is right alongside his real birth certificate!

9:05 PM – This speech is a collection of terrible, repetitive things from a Hot Air comments section. The crowd is cheering.

9:08 PM – Uh, so, what’d you have for dinner? Was it good?

9:10 PM – Rob Portman plays Obama in Romney’s debate prep. Because he is a highly charismatic black man.

9:14 PM – Private sector entrepreneurs built that! But they need stronger patent laws and enforcement on the part of the government. BUT NO NEW REGULATIONS.

9:17 PM – The governor of a territory with no electoral votes is imploring “us” to vote for Mitt Romney. Because…fuck it, he built that?

9:22 PM – In case you’re wondering why you aren’t hearing about Puerto Rico’s overwhelming booming economy, it’s because unemployment there is 13.7%.

9:24 PM – OH GOODY MORE GOP MUSIC

9:28 PM – Turning to MSNBC, where Rachel Maddow is sexing my brain. Then to Fox, where Sean Hannity is sexing Marco Rubio.

9:29 PM – Tim Pawlenty calls this Obama’s retirement party, but he wasn’t invited, so that’s a dick move.

9:30 PM – Pawlenty talks shit about Joe Biden; Joe Biden writes his name down on the enemies list.

9:31 PM – Pawlenty mocks the idea of world events having anything to do with the economy.

9:32 PM – From our editrix: “Tim Pawlenty is so invisible I didn’t know who he was.” It’s true!

9:34 PM – Is there anyone in America who gives a flying fuck about any speaker’s family?

9:35 PM – Pawlenty’s speech would be ten minutes shorter if he didn’t wait for applause that wasn’t coming.

9:36 PM – Pawlenty calls Romney “the help”, which means Romney’s shitting in a pie as we speak.

9:38 PM – If Obama doesn’t take a private sector job after he’s out of office, Tim Pawlenty will follow him around screaming at him until he dies.

9:40 PM – Mike Huckabee with the “Debbie Wasserman-Schulz is a giant screechy bitch” line out of nowhere. DRINK!

9:45 PM – The Constitution was perfect, then the Founding Fathers made it PERFECTER.

9:47 PM – Huckabee wants to tell you about Uncle Sugar touching you.

9:49 PM – Barack Obama is limboing against Catholics, because he’s Hermes Conrad.

9:50 PM – Barack Obama will kill babies after they’re born; Mitt Romney will give an unspecified amount of money to his church. Think about that.

9:52 PM – Bono shoutout! Obama would kill him after he was born, too.

9:55 PM – Condi Rice gets the biggest ovation of the evening, presumably because the delegates have no peanuts to throw at her.

9:56 PM – Condi brings up 9/11, which Barack Obama something something.

9:59 PM – Audience is getting restless, WHAT DID CONDI BUILD, DAMMIT?

10:oo PM – After five minutes, Condi says you cannot lead from behind, which would be news to every top in America.

10:02 PM – Is there something magical and amazing about the number of trade agreements you sign?

10:05 PM – It does not matter where you came from, so please vote for this American aristocrat!

10:06 PM – I get what Jack Donaghy sees in this lady.

10:13 PM – Condi Rice is giving the best speech of the convention because it’s absolutely nothing like any other speech at the convention.

10:17 PM – Susana Martinez is on. She is Hispanic. She is female. Her parents did things. Oh, and she carried a Magnum as a teenager.

10:18 PM – So, this is what it takes for the GOP to cheer a minority with a firearm.

10:21 PM – Martinez tells a really cute story about talking to people and then she was a Republican? I don’t know, everyone is cheering.

10:22 PM – Did you know that there is not a single deficit left in America EXCEPT OBAMA’S???

10:24 PM – Politifact needs to check this Susana Martinez, Grocery Store Hero story.

10:27 PM – It’s Paul Ryan! Time for my lotion! Did he just fuck up his first line?

10:28 PM – America doesn’t need a runaround, it needs a turnaround! Or a Roundabout. Paid for by Medicare.

10:30 PM – One of Paul Ryan’s kids just straight dashed out, I think.

10:33 PM –  Did you know poor people exist and have legitimate concerns? Well, they do until November 7th, hahahahaha!

10:36 PM – Paul Ryan proposes a massive single-file line of the unemployed.

10:37 PM – No free country can survive with government health insurance except all of the other ones but us!

10:39 PM – Ryan has been lying for about five minutes straight right now, so it’s time to take a break by going back to his grandmother.

10:40 PM – The RNC is cheering for Medicare, but against Obamacare, because anyone under 65 is a fucking punk.

10:42 PM – For some reason, these people LOVED the “ship sailing on yesterday’s wind” line.

10:44 PM – This crowd is on fire for a bunch of incoherent, contradictory and plain wrong attacks, because they all end with someone flipping off Obama.

10:45 PM – Paul Ryan warns we will turn into Greece, minus the Euro and the EU and everything else that actually made them go bankrupt.

10:47 PM – Honest things Paul Ryan said during this speech: that his name is Paul Ryan.

10:51 PM – PAUL RYAN WILL P90X THIS NATION.

10:55 PM – Paul Ryan is one of them college boys, hmmmm?

10:56 PM – Obama is responsible for you being lazy. For you not working out. Apparently, for Mitt Romney’s shitty iPod playlists.

10:58 PM – Paul Ryan is young and listens to 70s rock!

11:00 PM – Paul Ryan says the strong should protect the weak, so let’s get rid of preexisting coverage and stuff.

11:01 PM – We have a right to choose our own leaders, unless we don’t have IDs, then we are sad and watch Netflix.

11:03 PM – LET’S DO THIS, SON! And by “this”, I mean watch Honey Boo Boo on DVR.

Good night!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 1070 comments }

SavageDrummer August 29, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Is it wrong that I am not wearing pants for this?

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Only if you find it erotic.

Sharkey August 29, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Exactly what do you mean by "wrong"?

bibliotequetress August 30, 2012 at 8:06 am

And what do you mean by "pants"? If you mean "any material, be it cotton, leather, chainmail, formed into any shape, be it jeans, boxers, or LLCoolJ harem pants," then for god's sake sit on a towel, please.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Yeah we were told to drop our drawers. I might keep my kitchen apron on, though. I have eight minutes to finish cooking before the derp brigade hits full flux at 9.

freakishlywrong August 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Pants? What re these things you call "pants"?

Terry August 29, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Only if you took them off after seeing either Rand or Ron Paul.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

sure it's wrong, if right is correct and wrong is the opposite of correct BUT if wrong is merely just a way of expressing your love (like a gynecologist and his patients), then you could say "if loving this is wrong, I don't wanna be right" which in fact, makes it right or something. I'm using GOP logic to turn Condi babbling about Jim Crow to the very people who pine for it like it's a bad thing and getting a standing ovation…personally I think they were applauding how good Jim Crow was for her….

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 11:25 pm

If its wrong, I don't want to be right.

commiegirl99 August 29, 2012 at 8:46 pm

DO IT. GET IT STARTED. WHOOOOO.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Headache better?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Oh wow someone is trying to get a fap-fest going…I think that's going on at Faux right now, a big circle jerk over Paul Ryan's lazy eyed Eddie Munster-sleazy looks.

ChernobylSoup August 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm

When do these people stop existing?

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 8:53 pm

They are already just figments.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Word is they're running a beta test on just such a plan tomorrow night. If they really go with HoloRonnie tomorrow night, I'm really going to worry even more about a possible Romney Presidency — like during his inaugural speech, "Soylent Green is people, my friends!"

NellCote71 August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Not soon enough. Guess that is why they are so stirred up about the whole pre-conception thing. Needs more MittBorgs.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Looking at the demographics, sooner than they think.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:32 am

They are all holograms. Turn off the teevee.

Bye- byeeee!

Sharkey August 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm

It has begun. Deploy typical emplacements with augmented pro-mormonic attachments.

freakishlywrong August 29, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Orcs could learn about decouam from these fuckwits.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Gygax libel!!!

(Oops, he's dead. Carry on.)

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Is Marie Osmond speaking again tonight? I just love her new catchphrase, "I LUV YOU WIMMENZ!"

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 8:56 pm

You sure that isn't Donny?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Oh, well, there goes my plan to get thin with Nutrisystem.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Annie doesn't "have to put on the red dress tonight".

WhatTheHeck August 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

R-o-x-a-n-n-e libel.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Well, Anne Rocks! On a horse!

Butch_Wagstaff August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Was that an admission of lesbiantastic interests on Ann's part?

I caught a few lines of Ann's speech. I loved the line about how, when they were just po' young'uns, their desk was a door on two saw horses.
Riiigghhhttt….

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

yes, or like when they were in college and all they had to support them was Mitt's preferred stock given by his daddy, because you know ordinary and average…

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 11:59 pm

The hard times, before they had a beach house…

bikerlaureate August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Make the world go away.

Barrelhse August 29, 2012 at 8:50 pm

It's kind of too bad they didn't hold the convention in New Orleans. Why, they could be in the Houston Astrodome even as we speak.

DrunkIrishman August 29, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Grandpa McWarpants is reason enough why I don't ever regret voting for Obama.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Small Business Lady blames President Obama for the banks not lending her money? Does she think it had anything to do with the banks blowing all our cash at the casino a few years back?

freakishlywrong August 29, 2012 at 8:55 pm

No. Why?

WhatTheHeck August 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Idiot people who still don’t understand who or what caused the depression.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Obama did it all. Retroactively.

bikerlaureate August 29, 2012 at 9:38 pm

People who need to be reminded of this, over and over, are just being deliberately dense. They probably also think that the Senate minority leader actually said that his party's top priority was preventing President Obama's election.
If Media Matters said it, the opposite is obviously true – and that's good enough for me.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

They're not dense. They just recognize black when they see it.

comrad_darkness August 29, 2012 at 11:49 pm

The SBA is the only reason banks ever give any money to any small business. Oh noes, the government!

Blueb4sinrise August 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm

54 down Herr's better half
_
_
_
_

Lucidamente1 August 29, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Frau?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Frau?

Lucidamente1 August 29, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Hiss?

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Von Braun?

edited: Von? what was I thinking. Eva.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Derr?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Restorer?

Biff August 29, 2012 at 8:53 pm

My simulcast is a little out of synch, blowing my mind

weejee August 29, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Biff, perhaps you need slimucast to get the Rs' grease flowing? Just sayin'.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

You need to drink some more.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

That would be a good idea, if I drank anymore.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

You can watch this without drinking? Optic nerves of steel, man.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I'm not drinking either, but also- I'm not really watching except in small doses, and also- my simulcast is not out of sync…

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Speaking of the Indian-born immigrant, was anybody else amused by the "city on the hill" metaphor being attributed to Reagan?

(Hint: it was said by JESUS)

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Same diff.

PsycWench August 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Jesus = Ronald Reagan = Ayn Rand

Hell no it doesn't make sense to normal people.

WhatTheHeck August 29, 2012 at 9:25 pm

When Romney said that a few days ago, it was heavily laced with religious overtones.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

At least they didn't say "City of Gold" because that would be Mario Cuomo and that was a great speech.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I'd love to build it, but first I gotta get me one of them sweet gummint contracts. And chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate. And marionettes. Lots and lots of marionettes. Oh, and Doric columns, many many Doric columns. This is America, dammit!

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Be careful, Newell live blogged the Palin "I'm quitting" speech and we lost him for over a year.

kittensdontlie August 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Sure, with Palin's exit, many suffered from clinical depression over the loss of an extraordinary butt of many side-splitting jokes.

Boojum August 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Her butt ain't all that.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Melissa Harris – Perry on MSNBC talking about Issac. Christ, I can't believe NO is being hit with this kind of shit again…

shelwood46 August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I saw that the partially-Katrina-destroyed house she bought, that she showed off on her show on Sunday to talk about how she was rebuilding it, has been completely destroyed by Isaac. Pity.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 12:36 am

That's what you get for listening to the Devil's music.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 8:56 pm

World's Whitest Jazz Band again — they must have six or seven vamps they're just gonna repeat relentlessly during their filler segments — they're like "the audience doesn't know from music — just play these three chords over and over again until the next speaker sobers up."

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Ah, but did you see the middle-aged chubbettes in dirndl skirts and aprons warbling this afternoon? They I think they were from Suds' neck of the woods, but they didn't even have the manners to serve beer as part of their Germanic routine. Republicans consider that stuff to be suitable entertainment for the nation?? That alone should disqualify them from holding high office. Yodel-ay-hee-hoo.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Small sign-printing business for ROMNEY*

*(at a competitive rate!)

Toomush_Infer August 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Loved watching Newt with Tweety – would you buy a condom from this man?….

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Oh, God, why did I switch to C – Span to see the actual convention? These people can't dance for shit!

Someone else posted this elsewhere, but I'm watching My Neck My Back again (lyrics are NSFW, and hilarious in this context):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qaz0N-2LCZ0

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 8:59 pm

0:00 to 0:02 was the one being stalked by the C-SPAN cameraman all. fucking. night.

viennawoods13 August 29, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Oh good,I thought that was who it must have been. Now that mystery is solved (as I really can't be bothered to watch any of this, but did enjoy the My Neck My Back video)

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 9:13 pm

She was carrying an "I'm single" sign — maybe he was jus tryin' to help out.

viennawoods13 August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I noticed that- she probably appreciated the attention.

IndianaKevin August 30, 2012 at 7:26 am

Grammaw be gettin' down to dat!

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 8:59 pm

That guitarist is GE Lawrence from the SNL band. What the hell — is he broke or something?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:02 pm

You mean GE Smith? If so, he's gone way downhill since touring with Dylan in the eighties, the poor dumb sap. Oh well, a paying gig is a paying gig (or maybe he just missed Victoria Jackson's backstage bj's).

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Yes, Smith, thank you. I'd rather play an Orc wedding than this gig.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:19 pm

lol Bit o' Roman Catholic trivia — Saint Lawrence is the patron saint of comedians.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Yeah, but it's a hell of a bachelor party.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Is this the guy that let the bridge in his state fall on all those people or was that someone else?

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Nah, that was T-Pzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Portman:

Ugliest. Tie. Ever.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Why do you hate America? Or France or Russia or England, for that matter?

MissTaken August 29, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I think that's the Cayman Islands flag.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:17 pm

+1

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Wow — John Thune, White person, white person, and now Rob Portman. They must've only rented the black people for a day.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Now it makes sense, MSNBC hiring Steele, one less blah person on the convention floor. Brilliant!

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

They dispensed with "those people" last night…Oh wait! Condi's on! …Oh, wait…

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:01 pm

"He built a company from the ground up"

I'll bet the people who were Mittens' business partners just *love* being left out of that….

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Considering the guy at Bain who wanted Mittens to run the new Bain Capital thingy had to practically force him into the position.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Yeah — "He built a company" if"built" == "had handed to him on a platter, with take-backs allowed".

BlueStateLibel August 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Or more accurately: he loaded tens of millions of debt onto companies and then burned them to the ground.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Or George Romney's friends, who helped Mittens start the company "he built from the ground up". Yeah, ahuh.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I thought Portman was supposed to be younger. His invoking that ancient John Houseman quip just confirmed my earlier misjudgment.

freakishlywrong August 29, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Rob Portmanteau is no funny. Do they eVen have ideas?
EDIT: NOTE TO SELF. DO NOT POST FROM MY IPAD.

glasspusher August 30, 2012 at 6:55 am

Onswipe is teh suk

Blueb4sinrise August 29, 2012 at 9:02 pm

19 across all night bar?
r _ _ _ _

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:02 pm

"Which one would you choose to invest your life savings?"

I'd love to hear from the employees who lost their pensions after Bain leveraged their companies and then cashed out, leaving them in the dust…

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Also, what the fuck does that have to do with Prezniting? If I want a fucking money manager, I'll hire one.

bikerlaureate August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

They can't use the ol' "…would you rather have a beer with," and focus testing on an replacement phrase has been inconclusive.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 12:11 am

Who would you prefer drinks your milkshake?

Sparky McGruff August 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm

If you turn the sound all the way down, and play Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon", all the people will appear to be complete douchebags, but you won't have to listen to the douchebags talk. And the music will be better than whatever country-ish crap they're currently playing.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm

That's a pretty good idea. I used to get SO HIGH and watch the Wizard of Oz thingy. I kinda miss doing that sometimes.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I'm pretty sure WWII lasted a bit longer than 4 years.

I'm also pretty sure the Great Depression lasted even longer.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

WWII didn't start until Pearl Harbor, silly, because USA USA USA.

grex1949 August 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

Tell that to Hungary, Poland, Russia, Great Britain, the list goes on.

bobbert August 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

wonkette, sarcasm, you know?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm

"FDR and Truman won an entire world war in two years." Hey Rob — you know who had two wars to choose from and couldn't win either one in eight years?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Two years? You're shittin' me, right?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:10 pm

He actually said four years, my bad.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:11 pm

It's cool and he's still an asshole.

viennawoods13 August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

That's right, forget about the other countries that hung in there from '39 to (almost) '42, because without GB and the Commonwealth, it would all have been over before the US made up its mind to join in.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 12:54 am

Bit o' trivia — Winston Churchill's actual name was Winston Spencer-Churchill, with hyphen. Says it right on the birth certificate.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I hope the ghosts of no one knows *how* many Soviets who died in that conflict haunt him after that one.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Any of the news anchors correcting these asshats????? I'm sorry, my bad.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Hahahahahahahaha. One of the better bon mots of the evening.

rocktonsam August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

the anchors aren't paying attention either

BerkeleyBear August 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

So those two won it all by themselves but Obama gets no credit for bin Laden because he didn't knife the guy single-handedly on TV? Logic fail.

Also, way to piss off every other major economy's leader – because I'm sure the Germans and Japanese love hearing how we beat them as much as the Chinese, Brits, French and Russians like hearing us claim they had no part in it. Dipstick.

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"We don't actually remember anything that happened before 2009."
-actual Republican platform plank, I swears.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 8:47 am

I love this revisionist history that WWII didn't start until we entered it. It'd almost be funny if it wasn't so fucking offensive. We literally tried everything within our power not to get involved, even when we saw the slaughters.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm

"America is tired of waiting"

Yes we are–so stop fucking around with obstructionism and start acting in the interest of the country, not in your partisan interest, Reeps…

Asshole.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Yes, every time they blame Obama, I yell, "REPUBLICAN-CONTROLLED CONGRESS" at the screen…

Self-Uploader August 29, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Envy, envy, envy, blah, blah, envy, envy, blah blah. Meantime, crazy curmudgeon John Sununu told the truth to NPR about how the GOP really feels about anyone who actually works for a living when he said that "risk takers" deserved the incentive of a low capital gains tax otherwise they would have to "take the easy way out" by working for a salary. http://www.wnyc.org/shows/bl/2012/aug/28/republic

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:07 pm

That cunt.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I look at Sununu and really miss Walt Kelly of Pogo — he'd have a field day drawing John Sununu. Walt died too soon.

Bezoar August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Walt Kelly was my hero. Great cartoon stylist and caricaturist. Remember the 'Jack Acid Society', his parody of the John Birch Society? It substantiates Twain's assertion that laughter is the way to attack tyranny. Did you know that he was one of the main graphic creators of Disney's movie Dumbo?

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 12:19 am

Didn't know about the Disney thing, wild what he got away with, that whole series was posted the other day somewhere.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:25 pm

What about taking the easy way out and taking a tax payer funded salary and then taking tax payer funded plane rides to your dentist appointments?

Bezoar August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

"Behind every great fortune lies a great crime" — Balzac

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 30, 2012 at 12:01 am

Well between that and RMoney raising taxes on the middle by $2500 (even politifact had to say the robot wants to do this) to (partly, small percentage thereof) fund a gigantic tax cut for the rich…who do these people think they're fooling? Oh wait, the middle class votes slight majority Republican…fucking stupid cunts. The funny part is politifact which has lost much of its credibility ranking slight Obama errors (my favorite was FALSE because the figures were right but the context wasn't perfect) as equivolent to GIANT lies such as the Janesville GM plant weasel-boy cry face (Brokeback mountain counterpart of Paul Ryan) Scott Walker likes to babble about was only "half true" because the plant closed but he got the date wrong…give me a fucking break, politifact.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Oh, and about that "recession next year" bit? Those same experts will tell you that this can be avoided if Congress would get its shit together and deal with the tax cut issue, rather than drag things on and on and on…which the Reeps won't do because they are focused like a laser on destroying Obama.

Asshole.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Mitt Romney made money the old-fashioned way! He used his dad’s connections to get a great education then went into business with people who knew his famous, powerful father!

Well, that really is old-fashioned, innit? As in, 19th Century Amercia.

Self-Uploader August 29, 2012 at 9:08 pm

And then he got a bunch of thugs from Central America to give him start up money.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

But they weren't union thugs, so it's cool.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:07 pm

OK, as much as I can't stand Lyin' Paul Ryan, I can see why Mittens picked him over this guy…could Portman contain any more hot air than that which he is currently spewing?

grex1949 August 30, 2012 at 11:47 am

Too bad it wasn't Romney/Sununu this time around. Comedy Central would have gone nuts.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Geeze, Portman — our China policy hasn't changed in any significant way regardless of who's president. Pretending you're gonna get tough (in some unnamed way) with China is recycled pap from every single Republican convention I can remember. Also, China's buying our bonds because they'd rather invest in the US at virtually zero interest than anywhere else.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 30, 2012 at 12:06 am

Yes, not to mention Dubya and the GOP pretty much gave China carte blanche to begin buying our debt up in significant amounts to finance his tax cuts for the rich, two wars, medicare part d (all voted for by 'fiscal hawk' Paul Ryan). I think it's funny how these assholes work this one, on the one hand China is evil and we need to get tough with them using our current Republican-led political batshittery to try and knock the dollar off as global reserve currency while at the same time we need to emulate their approach to the work force: no unions, ridiculously low wages, laughable non-existent environmental policies, etc. They want all the 'perks' of Communist dictatorships with none of the ambition.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Obedient Sheep Obediently Bleat.

whiskeybaby August 29, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I really, really hope this whole "You built that" disingenuous lie bullshit they've constructed their entire convention around blows up in their collective faces soon. But they're Republicans, so they probably enjoy things blowing up in their faces.

That's the only dick joke I've got right now. Off to get some more wine!

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

yes.

shelwood46 August 29, 2012 at 10:11 pm

They're selling t-shirts on the You built that" theme, with a ginned up version of Romney's quote about famous businessmen who built their businesses all by themselves. Romney originally mention Steve Jobs, Henry Ford, Ray Kroc, Bill Gates and Papa John. The shirt leaves off the last two, no doubt because they are alive. Jobs, of course, was a co-founder, and not originator, of Apple. Kroc bought his first few restaurants from some obscure brothers named, um, MacDonald. And I'm not sure I'd want to tie myself to Henry Ford's politics, but I'm not a Republican.

TheMightyHaltor August 30, 2012 at 12:15 am

And all of them "built that" when tax rates were a hell of a lot higher than they are now. What's their point?

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 12:22 am

Not that, we know for sure. Government just gets in the way, which explains Somalia as a showcase of bountiful free enterprise and prosperity.

Self-Uploader August 29, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Now he' referencing Paul Ryan and probably thinking, he dodged a bullet with that one.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I'm late for my ham dinner with mayonnaise.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Is it me, or is this audience almost as bored by Rob Portman as I am?

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Huh? What? Did you say somethzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Self-Uploader August 29, 2012 at 9:12 pm

You know who else never lost his dream. MY father you stupid fuck. And he went to CUNY which had FREE tuition and then he went into the army and went to optometry school on the GI Bill. AND THEN HE BUILT HIS BUSINESS WITHOUT EVER ONCE FORGETTING WHAT MADE IT POSSIBLE and he loved this country.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm

A tip of my hat to that.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

your story should be on stage next week.

but then, i'm pretty sure they'll be working on that…

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Fuckin' A.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:12 pm

"We Built This City!" It's official! Empty the bottle!

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Don't tell me Jefferson Starship failed to get a restraining order.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I'm sure they demanded cash up front.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

It's too hard to figure out who they are anymore.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

They didn't even build the building they're in. 67% tax dollars is what I read.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Yup. Irony is dead as Breitbart.

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Super-upfist to you, sir.
That should be our new Wonkette motto, I believe.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Oh, uncertainty — that horrible bugbear that haunts us all and stalks the future, taking away the brass-balls entrepreneurial spirit of Americans — because they're scared shitless unless they have the path cleared for them by their rich friends. What sissies these businesspeople are.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm

The biggest uncertainty is not knowing what the gummint will be spending, not whether their personal income taxes will ratchet up 2 or 3% … and they just shut off their brains rather than think for ten seconds about which party is to blame for it.

AddHomonym August 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

We're risk takers!!! We want certainty!!!!

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

THIS!

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Exactly. Genuine entrepreneurs want UN-certainty. It's what gives them a fucking chance against the established players.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Win.

reliefsinn August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Oh, I thought Mitt started a business with nothing but a credit card and his own savings, or perhaps he had some leftover Rambler stock sitting around. \
OHNO! Not CondiRize!!

MissTaken August 29, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I scream for Scream Industry!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Small business person going on about how they can't work hard and not be compensated–they can't be robbed like that. Now this guy knows how the middle class has felt for the past 30+ years…

JackObin August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I wonder what kind of inaugural parties will be thrown when Git wins the election? Will drinking be allowed? Or will everyone be making babies, according to the mormon way?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Ideally we'll never know.

shelwood46 August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

He's bringing back Prohibition, and women having sex outside of marriage will be stoned. It's in the platform, near the bottom, in fine print.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Packing.

Texan_Bulldog August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I can't watch that shit but am glad you guys are taking one for the team. It pisses me off how blatantly all these assholes are lying & the media NEVER questions them about it. I'm a bit skeered for Barry in November. Maybe the rapture will happen between now & then but the stupid is rampant.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I was skeered for Barry this time in '08, too. I was prepared to use that to be optimistic today, then I read that Montanans are getting ready to replace Jon Tester with a millionaire who votes against veterans' benefits. That gives me a big sad.

Nothingisamiss August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I'm with ya, Texan. I can't watch the stupid and I'm scared that voter suppression will lose us the whole shebang.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:55 pm

The turnout suppression is the thing to be feared, eh, Tom Corbett?

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Watching this is good for me because it's time I got my ass over to the phonebank. I've been putting off my volunteering, but it's time to start calling those undecided fucks in Nevada.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Nameless Businessman's competitors overseas don't have to worry about financing a massive healthcare plan? Well he gets points for imagination.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I hope his competitors are in Singapore … wait 'till he finds out what they get with their tax dollars.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Nameless businessman took $200,000 in stimulus money. http://mediamatters.org/blog/2012/08/29/another-s

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

And $2 million in government contracts. I wonder if he knows those will disappear under President Mittens?

pdiddycornchips August 30, 2012 at 12:28 am

Socialism=free health care. Free = no one has to pay, duh. We can't have that here though because it would ruin our freedom

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Holy fuck, Jan Brewer in HiDef is frightening!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

That might be even worse than in person. I bet Palin is seething that they like Jan better than her.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Hehehe!

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

OK I think I"ve heard the word "strangle" twice now. Calm down, Cohen squinky-voice; calm, dude.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

BREAKING NEWS:

RNC staff leak photo of "Secret Speaker"

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I don't know whether to thank you or spank you.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Can't we do both?

lulzmonger August 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm

ROMNEY FTHAGN!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Romney Winnipesaukee wgah'nagl fhtagn.

("In his house at Winnipesaukee dead Romney waits dreaming.")

BlueStateLibel August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I just love a man who can speak the ancient language of the Old Ones. Sigh.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

It's a lost art, as most of the speakers get Eaten. But I think it's worth the effort.

Pithaughn August 29, 2012 at 9:34 pm

So it is Mrs. Tundra Twat " I quit"

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

You knew it was gonna be her.

Bezoar August 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Really? Palin gonna speak? This has a lot of potential for inintended consequences. It could backfire, too.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:58 pm

My Cat of Ulthar is asleep and snoring. Apparently, I'm no threat.

AlterNewt August 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

"Blah blah, 'high school dance' blah blah 'we built this…' blah 'real 'Merkins' & etc."

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Frank Luntz? Zat you?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Thank the gods for that big podium, cuz whoever designed those codpieces must have been on shrooms.

Btw, Jan Brewer just now talking about Paul Ryan: "He's young and generelious."

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

The interview with Ryan'brother is pretty bizarre. Alzheimer's, Reagan, dead father, babysittiing where kids watched a movie (Naked Gladiators?)
SO, now that we understand why he's qualified it's all settled!

iburl August 29, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Why is The Walking Dead on? Oh, wait, it's only Jan Brewer.

Misty Malarky August 29, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Coca Cola and cheap lemon vodka is the drink of choice at the Malarky Manse tonight.

Hey Condaleeza!

Show us yer tits!

Woooo!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:25 pm

If you like that, you might want to try my obliterater of choice: Schweppes Bitter Lemon and tequila over ice.

iTuna August 29, 2012 at 9:17 pm

This Puerto Rican lady is intoxicatingly beautiful. How long until the Puerto Ricans get booed?

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

How did PR become Republican territory anyhoo?

iTuna August 30, 2012 at 12:37 am

I have to imagine they'll have a much bigger delegation at the DNC, right?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:18 pm

This never gets old:

Rich, White Republican.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Oh God, going on about the deficit that W's wars and W's tax cuts made…

rocktonsam August 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm

so Condi is the only blah in the house besides the help?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:20 pm

It's obvious Jan Brewer really needs to stop hanging with Towelie. On MSNBC she just said about Reagan, "He gave amnesty, and unfortunately that didn't happen." Huh?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:23 pm

She "has did everything she could" in Arizona, now she's she's taking her talents to Tampa where they also speak word salad.

iTuna August 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Watching the RNC, I am struck by how poorly the delegates represent this country. The people in this crowd don't look like the America I live in. They look like the drive through line at a Little Caesar's, maybe, but not this country.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 12:00 am

Yes, and the happy bagel inhalers at Panera's.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Yada yada yada free the job creators yada yada small business owners yada yada.

How I wish that just one reporter would ask some of these assholes what they think of Paul Ryan's tax plan. You know, the one that would raise my taxes, and the taxes of the middle class, while cutting them for the rich?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:23 pm

OMG, Puerto Ricans like the American flag? Next they're gonna think they're citizens.

ChernobylSoup August 29, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I guess this music is all the RIAA would let them play?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I guess they're saving The Nooge for tomorrow night.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:24 pm

We will never give up!

Damn right we will never give up, buddy…OBAMA 2012!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:25 pm

OK, I learned from the last musical break…MUTE!

AlterNewt August 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I learned from last night. Perma-mute!

littlebigdaddy August 29, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Is Portman dyslexic? He does not seem to understand how the English language works. It is funny that these idjits are pushing for English as the official language. I can speak several languages better than he can speak English.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Both of my dogs, may they rest in peace, understood English and Spanish better than these poopheads supposedly understand English because they only seem to be able to speak in word salad.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Does the ACA cover wart removal?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Thought we were having a Milli Vanilli incident there for a moment…

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm

As horrid as this musical act is, they at least had the sense to show the audience when to clap rather than just trusting them to find the beat on their own.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Virginia Gov. Bob McDonald is so white he didn't show up on my RGB monitor.

littlebigdaddy August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

And so far in the closet that you can't see him anyway.

slowhansolo August 30, 2012 at 12:01 am

They say the same about the transvaginal probe on the mandatory-look monitor.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Its bridge falley downey and kill people guy!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

That never happened. Rmoney's people Etch-a-sketched it.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

T – Paw, huh? Christ, I may not be able to stay awake to watch this crap…

Limeylizzie August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I can't watch it, i am with you in spirit,my friends.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

9:08 PM – Uh, so, what’d you have for dinner? Was it good?

Bacon, naan and a salad, was good, but I lost it when Jan Brewer took over my TeeVee.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

TPaw! Help…must…change…channel…

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

This Tpaw dork – I get why my Minnesotan friends think he's an asshole now.

He just tried to say Obama takes a lot of vacations.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm

It's hard to say what his worst mistake was…

Um, I'd say it was taking the idea that the Reeps would be more interested in promoting the greater national good than making short term political gains at Obama's expense was his worst mistake…

Asshole.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm

The president takes more vacations that 1/3rd of the bush vacations, HAR HAR HAR – Tpaw

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Oh fuck me, vacations? Forgot about that ranch down in Crawford already, T-Paw?

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Gee, with such a rapier and unpredictable wit, it's hard to see why T-Paw bombed in the primary.

(Time for a shower!)

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Pawlenty did NOT just say that *Obama* takes too many vacations? Has he ever heard of W?

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Didn't W take a vacation once a month for a week, so he could ride a horse or clear prairie grass or something.

According to Factcheck.org, Pres. Obama took 26 days during his first year as president. Reagan and the two Bushes all took a heck of a lot more.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

No such thing as history to these people. Even the history that's in newspapers still stacked up in my house.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

But I thought Barry controlled the weather!

Self-Uploader August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

He didn't really bring up the vacation thing did he? After W? Really?

Xan August 29, 2012 at 10:23 pm

This is the Republican Party, where everybody loses and the facts don't matter.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Blonde in audience is stone faced over the tattoo joke. Yeah, I'm with you, honey…

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Oh, but wait 'til you're older and unfunny and no one likes you. Like T-Paw. Then you'll look at your tattoo and sneer at yourself and punch-break the mirror and then fall in a heap on the bathroom floor, crying. Because you're like T-Paw now.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

so fucking sick of things being built.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Pawlenty making bad funnies. Not getting many laughs, and I swear someone yelled out "Who ARE you?" during a lack of laughter.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

That was me. Sorry, didn't know I yelled it so loud.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. What part of that do you Republifucks NOT understand?!!

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

All of it, SFR?

rocktonsam August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

this must be the you didn't get the veep and you're a loser parade

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Mr IonaTrailer says: "The guy's a card, and regular laff riot."
Apply liberally.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Oh, a tattoo metaphor — from an older parent's perspective. That's gonna win over the younger demographic, because voters just voted for President Obama because they thought he was cool.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Now meatpacking = grandfather was a coal miner.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

The Exploiters!

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

"T-Pawk'ing Points"

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm

also: loving jesse taylor's blogging.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm

"Help's name is Mitt Romney". Baa-haaa!

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

"Just get the government off my back" — yeah, like that Papa John's guy who's gonna have to pay for healthcare for his employees by charging an extra dime for each pizza. How can we survive this crushing burden? We should help Americans by letting them die of cancer instead.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

You can bet your ass he'll round it up to a buck.

bikerlaureate August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Self-driving cars and robot pizzaRoombas won't cost more to develop than a dime per pizza, will they?

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Have you ever eaten a Papa John's pizza? It's not that good at all.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

LAUGHTER at the comment that Mitt Romney is a great person. OK, which of you Wonketters infiltrated?

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:39 pm

We need Mitt Romney now more than ever

*silence*

Pawlenty stands there, looking for a reaction…

*yawn*

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

How fucking stupid can you get? "Now more than ever" was a re-election motto.

Otherwise it doesn't even make sense to Repubicans.

Self-Uploader August 29, 2012 at 9:39 pm

"Now more than ever."

OMIGOD. Nixon libel.
http://democraticbuttons.freeservers.com/page62.h

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Unpossible to libel Nixon.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Wow, that T-Paw can really rock a crowd, eh? Like a turd in the punchbowl. Aw shit, here comes HuckaJebus.

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Huckabee and Christie orbit around a common center of gravity.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Nougat filled?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Well Pawlenty gets the award for most prickish remarks for his sneering comments about Obama not having a job before. Twice.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Unlike T-Paw, who worked as a lawyer (y'know, like that blah guy) and then a veep of something for a whole six years before latching onto the gummit tit.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Damn'em with faint "bless yer heart," Huckabee. Classy, that.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm

ZOMG, "we can do better than Huckabee" is reason enough to vote for Rmoney?

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Really, Huckabee? That DWS comment is the best joke you can come up with? Yawn…

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:41 pm

These people have never even seen a copy of the constitution.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Huckabee's putting on weight again, must be taking every meal with Chris Christie for the duration.

OurHoboSenator August 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

He's standing with Chick-Fil-A

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Diabetes is FUN!

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Keep choking down that chicken.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

He has to bulk up to recognizable size or Crisco may eated him by accident.

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Huckabee's eyebrows travel 65 miles during a 15 minute speech.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Huckabee: "You didnt' build that. Translation, Glatu veratu nik to"

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Oh God, back to this food stamps business…yeah, it's a really bad thing to help people who were impacted by the 2008 economic implosion get something to eat. Let's let them starve instead.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Nice lava lamp, Huckleberry.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Would someone wake up the Texas delegation, please?

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Part of me wants to see how Victoria Jackson would fit one of those gallon hats over her mutant-giant hairbowtie. A wee, sick sad part of me, mind you.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

i don't know what you are seeing as i'm neither listening nor watching but i still did a spit take.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

At that time, they were all taking a power nap, simultaneously.

glamourdammerung August 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Did Pat Peale wear her Purple Heart band-aids again? Those were a regular laugh riot.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

"Romeny has been faithful to his lovely wife…"
Subtext? Not like that blah gigolo in the White House

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Actually, I think it's "Not like that Clinton guy". They can still get a little mileage out of Bubba-hate.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Um, Huck, you do know that Mitt Romney's was 47th among the 50 governors in job creation, right?

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Hey, Huck: the Framers didn't die for the Constitution; most of the dying was done beforehand.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Have you fact checked that with Bob Jones U?

Native_of_SL_UT August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

The only dead person I know that can still write stuff is Breitbart.

LibrarianX August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Can they mate without booze?

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Huckabee talking about his "upstream" relatives is like admitting they're manatees.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Hahaha.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Manatee LIBEL.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Feed me, lead me and bleed me? Where is the Uncle Sugar you speak of? He sounds hot.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

See me, feel me

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Huck's parents told him he was as good as anybody else. And he's certainly lived up to that promise.

MissTaken August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Looks like Huckabee enjoys good ole Uncle Sugar.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Wasn't he in Winter's Bone?

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Uncle Corn Syrup, I think.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Yes, Governor, going to college is a great way to learn that you can go far in life when you go to college. Wouldn't it be nice if people in your party would quit making more and more cuts in education?

SheriffRoscoe August 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I bought Huck's weight loss success story book. Wow, he must have been huge once.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Nice to remind people that Obama is the only candidate that isnt a dangerous heretic.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Oh fuck you Huckabee–birth control *is* healthcare, you prick…

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

You tell 'em, Huck. Baal bad — berry berry bad!

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Huck just said President Obama claims to be an evangelical Christian — that's news to me. But then again, most of Huck's reality would come as news to me. Also, he looks like Herbert Hoover.

BerkeleyBear August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Evangelical is a meaningless term without context. The mainstream body of Lutheranism in this country is the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (the product of a 3 way merger in the 80s), but I don't think anyone really views Lutherans as Christian fundies. Every Christian who believes that the Good Word should be spread by the people can technically be called an evangelical – in that they believe in evangelizing.

So technically true, but stupid. Plus, how has Obama not lived up to Christian teaching – by offering too much aid to the poor and middle class? Not something Huck really wants to get into, even as a cheap punchline about abortion and gay marriage.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

The RNC National Convention 2012:

Knee Deep in the Hoopla

BerkeleyBear August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Yeah, do they really want people singing

"Someone's always playing corporation games? Who knows, they're always changing – corporation names?"

AddHomonym August 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Funny, Huck left abortion off of his list of Constitutionally-protected rights.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

So, if Mittens went to a mosque, you'd be cool with that, Huck?

MissTaken August 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Haha, he said 'church' silly. Not a dog-whistling mosque like that Kenyan muslin.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

"I care less about where [Romney] takes his family to church than where he takes this country." As long as it's to church.

shelwood46 August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Isn't it a temple, technically?

Native_of_SL_UT August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

There called wards here, you know like at the mental hospital.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Only the big things are temples. Small things are stakes or wards. (and yes, IIRC, "stake-house" is a thing).

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

A white church.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Isn't Uncle Sugar why we still have the embargo on Cuba?

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Giving to a church =/= giving to charity. Especially a church that is a glorified business:

How the Mormons Make Money

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-07-10/h

spareme August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I read Matt Taibbi's article today, that will be published by Rolling Stone on Sept 13. Not that there is anything super-surprising inside it, but it still was an eyeful. So…. fuck you Huck! And Mitt! and everyone else out there,who is supporting this Republican agenda, and who is lying through their teeth: you self-servicing assholes.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

now i have to look. or buy. which is good b/c i need reading material this w/e.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Please to give a synopsis when done, please.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

The article is listed on HuffPo. Go have a look.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

We like losers! No trophy for you!

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Chandler and Scarlett? New money, people, new money.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Huck deserves a trophy.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

For upping his weight class to the very highest level after writing that weight-loss book?

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

For participating.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Didn't Jesus give everyone salvation a trophy just for showing up?

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

A prize like a Nobel?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Sonny Bono is Irish? I thought he was Scientologist.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

♪ I got chins, babe ♪

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

This Huckabee is a real asshole, huh? Isn't he a preacher or something? Go figure.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

No, just a grifter. Most of those fire and brimstone preachers are just grifters living off the sheep.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

No, we ought to give Obama credit for *achieving* the end of the economic implosion almost single handedly, after *your* party decided it preferred to destroy him rather than save the nation's economy, Huckabee…

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

How did you feel when Bono disliked your guitar skills?

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

America is more than just a country, we're an idea. An idea about borders and language and skin color and religion and…

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Exceptional nation! Drink!

MissTaken August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Uncle Sugar will lead your behind!

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Huck busts out the Bono card. Good thing Bono can't vote here, because he'd be voting for da other guy.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Nah, it's because you're Republicans.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Did you have to mention your behind, Huck? Yuck!

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Was that meant to be a "Left Behind" reference?

spareme August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Is he gone now? Please?

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

…and shitloads of bible tracts fall from the ceiling..

mosjef August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Is it an amazing replica? Or a real life talking turd? Next time in Tampa, don't miss Madame Tussaud's Ear Wax Museum.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Those motherfuckers are NOT using Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" song!?!

That's what I get for not hitting the mute button quickly enough…

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Look, MItt has a black friend!

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Is she wearing her Augusta jacket?

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I think she needed something pink to blend in.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Hope no one throws salted snack foods at her. ;(

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Makeup artist must be behind everyone's ultra white-ness. Even Condi *radiates* most unnaturally.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Good evening, good evening, good evening.

Thank you very much. The End.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Oh my — Condi's walk-on music is Sweet Home Alabama. I know she's from Birmingham, but I hope she cringed on the inside during those few steps.

BerkeleyBear August 29, 2012 at 10:24 pm

You have to be shitting me. As in "Watergate doesn't bother me," and love for Gov. Wallace "Sweet Home Alabama?" Or the lame Kid Rock re-mix?

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

9-11 Drink!

Sharkey August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

911 + Candy = Romney?

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Is Condi talking about that memo again?

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

9- Eleben!!!! Frist for Condie!!!!!1221111

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

You've got a lot of nerve to pimp 9.11 after ignoring "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US" Condi…

Bitch.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Time to move inland, the human oil spill is speaking. Texaco! Texaco! Texaco!

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Does Condi remember being warned that Bin Laden was determined to strike in the US?

comrad_darkness August 29, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Using airplanes, no less.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I cannot believe she is going here. Condi – please – go play golf or something.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I remember ignoring that memo about Osama being determined to strike America, good times!

Sharkey August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I FUKIN HATE U CONDI

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Condi goes straight to the good stuff! Now let's give thousands of brave American troops PTSD for no reason!

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 9:57 pm

She's admitting the financial melt-down occurred under W.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm

And now former National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice tells us of how surprised she was on 9/11.

And this helps the GOP how?

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Hey, Condi– you ain't talkin' about being a Mommy!

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm

But she "Loves you Women"

Biff August 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm

So it's better if we kill 'em, Condi?
Fuck you.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 9:59 pm

"We stand for free peoples and free markets." Especially in guns and cocaine.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 9:59 pm

"We stand for free peoples"

Ask Salvador Allende about that one…

Sharkey August 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

shrill harpy sez wot about military?

LibrarianX August 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Aqua Buddha bong hits!

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I think a lot of them have been hard.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I hope this doesn't mean Condi won't be performing her distinctive piano stylings at the airport Hilton tonight. Her version of "Tangerine" is to die for, literally.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Besides our eternal gratitude, Condi, we also owe them the promise to put your ass in jail alongside your colleagues who lied to get us into Iraq. What a horrible monster.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Compassion for the AIDS orphan in Uganda; for the GBLT in Uganda, not so much.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Good fucking god, she's $arah in blackface and contacts.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Smell that? That's the smell of pre-Teabagger neocon philosphy!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Yeah, Condi, how about talking about the villagers in Afghanistan who were left behind when W rushed off to an unnecessary war in Iraq?

Or the American soldiers who came back from there to get shamefully substandard care from Walter Reed?

Bitch.

Sharkey August 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm

you are like a piranna. you are a sick piece of shit. not even a shark can stand behind you.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Is it just me, or is there always a slight hitch in Condi's voice/delivery that makes her sound like she's one step away from bawling?

AddHomonym August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

More talking about "behinds."

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Peace comes through strength. What was Jesus packin'?

GlowneyHouse August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Cue Lee Ving…these people are gonna want to hear "Let's Have A War" at full volume real soon.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

They volunteer and go over, and over, and over, and over again. Steve Earle has a thing for Condi, apparently, but like he said in a different song: "It's been a year now and he's still there, chasing ghosts in the hot dry air, meanwhile back at home the finance company took his car…" Look forward to Iran under Romney, whether we need to or not. He's surrounded by Neo-cons.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I'd honestly rather hear her play piano.

SheriffRoscoe August 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

It's very mechanical, devoid of expression. Much like her speech.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Strong sabre rattling from Condi. Bin Laden must be really scared right now.

Oh, right….

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

"Peace really does come through strength"

Too bad W pissed that away during his term by grossly overextending the military…

Asshole.

Native_of_SL_UT August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Peace comes from being peaceful.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:03 pm

None of these fuckers are talking about the Republican obstructionism. FUCK YOU CONDI.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:03 pm

So trade deals with China are good when your side makes them, but not when our side makes them?

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Duh!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I know, naive right?

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Trade treaty, trade treaty, trade treaty…

We're not making it easy enough for Bain to export jerbz!

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Your fucking party cockblocked all that shit in Congress..

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Bless her heart.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Needz moar Shoez!

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

That is not our America! *shakes fist* That is… Unmerica!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Is that lipstick on Condi's teeth?

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Yes, but whose?

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

It's blood

LePiston August 29, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Needs moar pageant insider tips from Lou Sarah.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Unless you came from Hawaii.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Wow– they're cheering for a lezbeen!

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

C-SPAN showed one black GOP dyke cheering on another.

Qadaffi is fapping in his grave.

rocktonsam August 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I haz a sad for Condi, I thought she was different

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Screen shot of bored youngz when Condi paused. I know how they feel.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

"We have never believed that I am doing poorly because you are doing well."

And your campaign contributors thank you for that.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Stop busting on the rich, yo!

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

"We have never been jealous of one another and never been envious of each other's successes."

And this woman worked under the president with more daddy issues than any other in American history.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Romney might give him a run for his money on that point. Yes, we have seen this movie before…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

They were careless people…
they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

nice.

prommie August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I smell Gatsby

OurHoboSenator August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

"Long and hard, up and down"

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Jinx!

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Solves it for me, she's a bottom…

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Do Do that Voodoo!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

"Long and hard, up and down"

That's what she said…

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

"Long and hard, up and down"? Oh behave, baby!

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I believe in Apollo Creed.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Is this a great country, or what? Let's get Will McAvoy's opinion….

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Awww, obligatory shoutouts!!!

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm

My prediction: "War on Trade Agreements" will be a Thing by this time tomorrow.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:09 pm

A compassionate nation of immigrants

I guess I should be impressed that her line got a *mixed* reaction, instead of straight up booing…

Nah, not impressed.

vodkamuppet August 29, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Why do people still talk to George Will?

AddHomonym August 29, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Walkout!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:09 pm

The crisis in education is a threat to who we are

So, why not stop cutting educational funding then?

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

We need better teachers, so let's bust the unions and rob the pension funds

rocktonsam August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

and not help with tuition for students who may want to be teachers

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Actually, we need students who want to learn and better parents who turn off the teevee and sit with the kids at the kitchen table so they will do their homework. That's what we need. Oh, and teach children how to tell time with an analog watch, that's something that middle schoolers can't seem to do in Livonia, Michigan…

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

School voucher time…

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Every Child Left Behind.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

WHO IN THE FUCK IS SHE BLAMING FOR THE STATE OF OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM?!?!?!

THAT CUNT

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Is Condi learning? No….

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Poors, right?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Is Condi criticizing No Child Left Behind? Oh, and calling for better education — some sort of massive government program, no doubt.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Just say no to "government schools" ™Neal Boortz. Wait, what?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

It's the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging

All ready to Use.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Yeah– I have a grievance, motherfucker!!!!!

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Damn, they really hate poor people, don't they?

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Just when she finally said something I may agree with, she starts talking about Mitt and Paul. ARGH!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:11 pm

"America has met and overcome hard challenges before"

Yes, we are gradually recovering from the W administration…no thanks to the Reeps…

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Dr Ferragamo please pick up the white courtesy phone, Dr Ferragamo, white courtesy phone please.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

WHY AREN'T YOU DEMOCRAT?!!!!

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Because she likes playing Risk with real armies too much.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

You mean the Jim Crow south that your conservative father told you to not buck against? The folks in that crowd can surely relate to that.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Is that true? Ouch.
Also, English only, Susana Martinez. Regardless of your gun size.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 1:17 am

I read that in her memoir.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Did Condi's mom give someone a shit sammich?

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

JFC! How long can this go on? Isn't there a limit to the number of lies you can tell in one evening?

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Secretary of State. She built that.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I know a zillion people in Arizona who are tattooed from their faces down and if they vote at all, they vote Republican. But then Republicans never think before they speak. You'd think Grampy McCain would have told them. He courted the Sturgis vote, remember.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Impossible semen!

Inevitable impossible semen!

belmontreport August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Good thing they choose the black lady to say that a majority of poor parents are minorities. Yes white people, applaud that. Great job.

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Condi has lipstick all over those two big middle chiclet teeth of hers. Its distracting me.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

It's kind if her trademark.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

It's maddening even for a straight like me. Don't they have MAC makeup in Palo Alto?
It's called Lip Glass, bitch, get some. (thank you ex-girlfriends)
Also, inevitable retroactively?
What does that mean?

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Make the possible semen-evitable? Kinky!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Hey, now…

Where the hell are my pants?!

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Oh goodie!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

It's remarkable how many times this happens here at Wonkette.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Condi, those fakes cheering you would be the same ones spitting on you and throwing rocks at you fifty years ago. The fakeness makes me vomit. Many of those in the audience were alive during segregation, and let me tell you, they weren't on your side. Sorry.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

So, nobody threw peanuts at her and said what they said about the blah CNN camera operator lady???????

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Did she say "compassionate"? Dubya libel!

NellCote71 August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I have not read through the comments, but can someone explain to me what "lead from behind" means. Although I welcome obnoxious sexual and/or scatological replies, would someone please tell me what this really means in Repug politik talk?

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

They're saying Obummer is a non-alpha male pussy fag who didn't tough talk the A-Rabs enough, nor did he run over enough gutter poorz with a Hummer.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

"Leading from behind" means you don't use a visit to an aircraft carrier for a photo op in full flight gear.

Xan August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

It's a reference to Larry Niven's "Ringworld" series which featured a species, the Puppeteers, who were misogynistic cowards that were willing to go to any lengths, including destroying the galaxy, to protect their business interests. They called their leader "Hindmost."

On second thought, that's probably not what they're thinking of, but it's been striking me as incredibly apt.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Nah, Ryan's eyes are way too close together.

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

But our guy still killed Bin Laden, so f*ck you, Repugs!

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Snark off, I believe it's motivational business empowerment bullshit about the need to be way ahead of everyone else to see what the 'pack' can't see. As in, "if you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes".

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Oh yes — a little black girl from Birmingham who couldn't even order a hamburger at the Woolworth's lunch counter became secretary of state. Because of our entrepreneurial spirit? No — because Kennedy and Johnson put their bootheels on the necks of the racist segregationist Southern governors and wouldn't let up until they started — started — to treat blacks equally.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Thank you. Government got it done, and we remember that. If we'd have waited for society to come around, we might still be in that ugly place, today.

comrad_darkness August 29, 2012 at 11:50 pm

*cough*states' rights*cough*

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Knowing all the while that they would lose the South to the Republican for a generation. Doing it anyway because it was Right.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Aren't we already in the 3rd generation now, though?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Yup. They underestimated a tad.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

No – because her parents had enough sense to get her the hell out of here. Birmingham is her home, but she got out. Good for her. Now, she is the first woman to be admitted into Shoal Creek Country Club – an all white bastion of some of the biggest assholes around here.

FakaktaSouth August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Damn, now that you mention it, and I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I could be like Condi. And get the hell out of here. I don't want to have to sell my soul afterwards, but still, the leaving sounds amazing.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Hell, I came here after it happened, and for some strange reason I didn't accept what this was all about – mainly because my father, born and raised here, and I was taught that people here were NOT about all this., And, there are large number of us like that. It's getting better, baby step at a time.
I don't want to get out. It is my home, I am vested into Birmingham, I love Birmingham.. I am glad she seems to love it too. Great people here, for the most part.

I cannot address her other issues though.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I am enough of a sap to believe that love can change things (with the help of some other things), so keep putting that love out there, and good luck to you.

FakaktaSouth August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I grew up in Birmingham (Hoorah for Homewood!) and I did not hate it, I actually loved it, and knew plenty of smart people who were very cool. I did not grow up with rabid redneck racists and I did not know how bad it could really be here til I moved to Tuscaloosa. WHOLE DIFFERENT deal here. I'd just like to ever live anywhere else before I die.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

logic would kind of dictate that if you can become secretary of state, shouldn't you eventually realize that it's kind of fucked up that you were denied a goddamn fucking hamburger as a child because of the color of your fucking skin?

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Logic? Vhat is dis logic of which you are speakin?

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm

… and thats the last Blah person these people will acknowledge until they tip the sky cap at the airport.

SoBeach August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Ha ha. Tip the sky cap. That's good.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I live in Birmingham, and I have to say it – she scored big time..

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Scored what?

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

She is balls on about her statement about eating at Woolsworth. We all remember that – all of us that are oldz.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Moar exceptional country(nation implied) DRINK MOAR!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

OK, the Red Cross promo is the one useful thing to come out of this evening…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

This needs more International Criminal Court.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Token Latina appeals to compassionate conservatism in wake of Katrina II.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

English only, bitch!

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Martinez — "In America, todo es possible." And CSpan pans the crowd as half the attendees are sitting on their hands.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Bitch in audience rolled her eyes over "Todos es possible."

Yeah, vete a la mierda…

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Oh God, the gun nuts are coming in their pants…

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

PBS, feed or local, just f'd up in middle of Condi's, um, climax, snapped back to wild cheers, and fell to dead air. for ten seconds. Now the minority minutes resume with Martinez, sounded like she got boos from some quarters for slipping in a little Spanish. English only, Tacos are folded meat products! Great cheers for the .357 Magnum.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:23 pm

It was a nice break, but too short…

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Smith and Wesson gets the biggest applause of the night.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

GUNS! DRINK!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Obviously, the word went out not to boo the latinas tonight, especially the ones who are packing.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

YAY GUNZ!!

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Talk about packing! Drink!

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Hey honey, the only reason they have you up there is 'cause you're brown. You'd probably have to pull your .357 to get into their country clubs– and they'd obliterate you before they knew who you were.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Run, it's a robbery!

miss_grundy August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

They would point out to her that the help goes in through the side door or the back door and to not be so uppity as to think she can mix with the white people.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

"Todos es possible". Oh god. Yes, even a homophobic Latina from a bordertown who sells her soul to the tea party can be a governor.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Fucking awesome standing O for the S&W .357!!

INSPIRING!!

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

More applause for the gun than for anything else I've heard mentioned.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Yup! I feel lucky, punk.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Too bad James Holmes isn't running. (too soon?)

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

.44 or GTFO!

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

GUNS!!. pew pew pew

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

You know, if the Reeps ever *did* have anything with this "we built it" lie/line, they are about to drive it to the ground and render it meaningless by constantly trotting it out…

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

"I was called to testify against my boss. I could have backed down…"

I'm thinking she never learned what a summons is in law school…

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Something tells me this isn't going to end with a rockin' norteño band.

NellCote71 August 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Oops. Mexican governor lady did not get the memo on small-business, minorIty GOVERNMENT loans.

LibrarianX August 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Joe Strummer – haunt these assholes. Please.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

ouch.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Does this mean Ryan is going to get less than 40 minutes to talk? Or are they going to go into overtime? Because if they do the latter, I'm switching to something more intellectually stimulating…a rerun of Gossip Girl…

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

You so know that the GOP has ICE backstage to haul her ass away after her speech.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Has anybody seen Jan Brewer in the past five minutes?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

"My parents were wonderful people, and they were Democrats. Oh, and by the way, Democrats are evil!"

Paging Doctor Freud. Doctor Freud wanted on line one.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Damned is right.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Madame, we have already determined what you are, now we are just haggling over the price.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Yeah, you're Republican if your husband's name is 'Chuck'.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

"I'll be damned, we're Republicans." Stunning lack of self-awareness, Susana, or just a tendency to drift with whatever?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

"Too many people are out of work — and our debt is out of control." Okay, Governor Martinez — pick one of those and solve it.

And enough of this turning your state's deficit into a surplus bullshit — without Federal money it wouldn't have happened.

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I'll be damned, we're Republicans!"

Possibly the money quote of the convention. You'll all be damned.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Wait–I'm seeing two messages: "we built it" and "we can change it." Doesn't the second one imply that they screwed up the first one?

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:23 pm

No, actually Bush built that.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:24 pm

"Susahhhhna," just like there must only be one L!

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Big patriotic Dr. Seuss hats are big, tonight.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:25 pm

So is this that Paul Ryan guy I keep hearing about?

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:25 pm

So, I take it Tuesday is "Diversity Night" at the RNC? Perra, por favor.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"Did it all without raising taxes…" Yeah but New Mexico's state auditor, if I'm not mistaken, is having their Finance Review under investigation for major misstated, bungled audits capable of costing the state millions.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:26 pm

I understand yet have a real problem with Republican Latinos.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"I waaaant you to want me…"

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Here we go…on to Lyin' Ryan…

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

She succeeded in saying "Exito" without having anyone leave. Maybe the GOP is making progress with Hispanics. Oh, Ryan! Time to watch for puddles in chairs…

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

That's funny, he doesn't look Chicanita.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Oh look, it's Paul Ryan. You know how Huckabee was joking about President Obama never having a real job? Well this guy started out working for John Boehner and then won a seat in Congress himself. Whole career right there.

iburl August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Cue the Munster's theme….

iburl August 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Ben Qualye is running for VP?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

When last seen, he was running towards the solace of his daddy's arms.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

His job is easy. He just has to do whatever Jan Brewer's puppet masters tell him to do. They even make him the sponsor of bills he's never heard of.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Well, here comes this douche.,

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Who was that guy in the boxes who looked irritated when Ryan accepted the VP nomination? Sure looked like Marco Rubio…

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Opportunity for the young, security for the old, and denying the fact that the former will eventually become the latter.

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Hey Susanna Martinez, this is Uhmerica guess what language we speak here?

I love how .350 Smith and Wesson got a standing ovation

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Paul, it's past your bedtime. Where is this boy's mother?

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

"without excuses"

No excuses, just plenty of flip flops…

CountryClubJihadi August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Zoe Dechan-hell-no.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I've never seen opponents so silent about their record (unless we're talking tax records)…

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

They are pretty silent about that, too.

bumfug August 29, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Watching NBC, Tom Brokaw losing it – "Ryan's 42, that means when he was born Reagan was in second year of his presidency." New math?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Tom thinks WW Two, The Big One ® was at lunch time.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Mitt's whole life has been preparing him for this moment!

It's all downhill from this point on…

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Paul, I've never seen a candidate so sad, trying so desperately to appear as a human being.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

…I was born in Boehner's bar. And they threw me out because I wasn't orange.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Heh!

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

THIS is rich…Ryan wants to go on about attack ads? Does this mean he'll be disavowing the right wing superpacs now? Looking forward to *that* speech…

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

America doesn’t need a runaround, it needs a turnaround! Or a Roundabout

Dammit, America needs a reacharound!

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

His dreams aren't as empty
as his budget seems to be.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Paul Ryan do.

EDIT: I'm pretty sure this was supposed to be a reply to a different comment. If I'm this drunk, why am I not enjoying it more?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Ryan looks like a third-string quarterback who retired with injuries before he got a chance to prove himself on the gridiron.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

You mean back up kicker who washes jock straps to stay on the team.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Oh my goodness — that is the most Aryan family since The Sound of Music.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

"Getting to know you, getting to know all about you!"

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:30 pm

So a congressman only has a two year term, right? That means Ryan's congressional term is up this election, right? He's not going to be Vice President, so is he simultaneously running for his Congressional seat in Wisconsin? Is his name on the ballot twice in Wisconsin?

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Yup.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Yes, but for once, both sides do that…

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Condi said she feared follow-on attacks in September 2001? What was she thinking? Al-Qaida is the USSR starting WWIII?

Condi built a pile of rubble that was Iraq. I destroyed this!

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Why the fuck didn't she fear the original attack?

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm

OK I think finally found the guy more horrible than RMoney, now that I've finally heard him, packing roughly 24 lies into two minutes.

Xan August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I'm amazed anyone can listen to him. I'm following just by reading the comments, because if I turn on the tube I'll throw something through it and I can't afford a new one.

reliefsinn August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Did he just say he wanted to "live up to their trust" – talking about his hometown?
Can someone translate that into Engleesh, pleeze?

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm

That one Ryan boy ran the fuck out of the box when the cameras pointed his way. Can't blame the poor kid…

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Is he gonna squirt?!

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Sheldon Addleson via Las Vegas is your Daddy eh Paul Ryan?

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Yes, bootstraps are hard to locate as the child of a "small town lawyer."

ProgressiveInga August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Weird affect, this one.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

OH, ISN'T HE SOOO DREAMY!!! (Swoon.)

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Don't any of these schmucks have parents who are still living? Catholicism will do that to ya.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

And then you USED the SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS due to you when your father died TO GO TO COLLEGE!

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Wait, hold the fuckin' phone, is Scott Walker…crying?

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

SCOTT WALKER IS A FUCKING CRYBABY@!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

R.U.R. (Rand's Universal Robots)
-Caryl Chessman

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

"Silent about record?" You mean like your votes for the Bush deficit, and Akin's uterine witchdoctor-y? Yes? Paul?

ttommyunger August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Think they'll mention the two wars tonight? Right after their glowing tribute to George W. Bush, right?

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Oh, that's just "getting old," all that stuff from 2000-2008.

Crank_Tango August 30, 2012 at 2:04 am

Yeah, stop living in the past, we have Reagan to look forward to tomorrow!

iburl August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

SHIT, I missed why Scott Walker had a big ol Bohner-style tear streak.

Was Ryan talking about Wisconsin Cheese?

Somebody tell me this weaknessssss.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Fuck, I thought that was Gov. Cheesedick, what a fuckin wuss.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Yeah. I saw Roger & Me in 1989 at the theatre, you fucking jerk.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

"My home state voted for President Obama"

Yes, and it will do so again:

http://elections.huffingtonpost.com/pollster/2012

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Obama CLOSED THAT PLANT! Thanks Barack Obama, you filthy bastard.

vodkamuppet August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Before he was even president! Now that's what I call overreach.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Did the lying fuck use that comprehensively debunked lie AGAIN?

They're convinced their base will vote against the black guy, no matter how delusional they get, aren't they?

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Didn't this plant closure thing get debunked already?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

With pictures, if not sworn statements. But that's not accepted by FOX.

Xan August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

There you go again, bringing facts into the discourse. What are you, some kind of communist?

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Yes, he blames the Bush auto bailout he voted for for the plant closure that happened after Bush left office. Therefore, Obama's fault.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

ummm… didn't that janesville plant close before barry was sworn in? christ.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

THe fucking GM plant lie again! YOU FUCK!!!

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Ryan has an impressive, multi-octave whine.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Why don't you tell the good people about your views on poverty and Ayn Rand, Paul?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Oh, Paul Ryan — it's president Obama's fault that that plant in your hometown was closed. Even if it was closed under Dubya.

LePiston August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Why are his eyes so bloodshot?

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Part Vampire.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

SOLYNDRA! DRINK!

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Someone want to tell Paul that the stimulus was something like one-third tax cuts?

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

"Gold plated connections"? That would be Donald Trump.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Oh he's playing the Solyndra card? Oh no he diiiiiiiin't….

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

"Without a change in leadership, why would the next four years be any different than the last four years?"

1. Obama now knows better than to hope for bipartisan cooperation and will no longer pursue it with Reeps who care more about getting elected than serving the nation.

2. The American people see through the Reeps, whose approval ratings are in the tank…

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Spent 800 billion dollars and Solyndra is the worst you could come up with?

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

The stimulus was cronyism at its worst? Does he remember Halliburton? KBR? No-bid contracts? What a sniveling little shit.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Dusty Fogo, Jack Abramoff anyone?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

If it was cronyism, how come Republicans got so much of the money? The tea-bagging Congressional candidate in my district had his campaign funded by a daddy whose construction company is operating on stimulus money. How's that for irony?

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Irony is still as dead as Breitbart.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:36 pm

All this talk of electrocuted soldiers is just "getting old."

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

is he talking about the stimulus or the tarp he voted for? so hard to tell.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

HW: Borrowed, spent and wasted is no way to go through a presidency, son.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

cool, like "hands across america" for broke-ass motherfuckers.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

You would think the president would make job creation the first order of business

Yeah, well, you would think the Congress that promised to focus like a laser on that task would do *something* about it…

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Booo Healthcare, Boooo! Get Big Government out of my preexisting condition.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Obamacare is 2,000 pages! How can anyone read a 2,000 page bill?! It's physically impossible! Why, that's almost four times as long as Mitt Romney's tax return!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Are you sure?

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I am so sick of that shit. I've read the fucking bill. Admittedly I skimmed the bits dealing with changes to Native American health care, but the "2000" pages of legislative format is about 750 pages as a hardback book, and there have been more than 750 days since it passed. A page a day isn't that much of a challenge.

reliefsinn August 29, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Ditto. That's about as long as one of the later Harry Potter books. I seem to recall kids as young as 6 or 7 standing in line to get one, and people on blogs stating that they had read it in as little as 12 hours.
Shows you how weak that "party" is, but you know what they say about people who keep repeating the same things over and over.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

"booooooo! a law ensuring jobless people during a recession won't die in the street! boooooo!!!"

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Newt Gingrich's ghost written novels have no place in a free country, bub.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Free country = free markets = outsourcing.

Why do you hate America, bud?

rocktonsam August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I hope he talks about how Janesville Craig H.S. hated Beloit Memorial HS because Beloit's teams were all black

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Do you think he'll tell us he went to the same college as Ben Raplisburger?

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

The Permanent Scowl Ryan is now taking Health Care away from sick poor people! Good one, Nazi jack off

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Socialized medicine has no place in a free country! Tomorrow night, the GOP announces their plans to liberate Canada and the UK.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

You hear that grunting he keeps doing?

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I think he's working his abs up there.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Just like Mittens will repeal Romneycare, or yeah…

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

That "borrowed, spent and wasted" stimulus also bought 3-4 million jobs, asshole.

johnnyzhivago August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

That money could have gone to Billionaires!!

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

….AND he hates your Grandma…

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Here we go— SCARE GRANDMA!!!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Don't worry. Rob Portman put Grandma to sleep.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Get the gubbermint outta my Medicare!

Auntie_Spinster August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

What are those weird self-satisfied grunts Ryan exudes? The sound of him digesting the poor folks he ate for dinner?

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

OMG THE FUCKING MEDICARE 700B LIE. You know, that thing that's ALSO in RYAN'S plan?

bumfug August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Can't believe this lying-ass bowl of fuck brought up the GM plant that closed before Obama was president. #FuckYouRyan #GreasyLittleBastard

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Bobby Driscoll, is that you? http://neverpedia.com/wiki/images/thumb/7/79/Bobb

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

The only film I ever saw him in was a b-grade flick on a Sunday sub-classic tv broadcast wherein he gets punched in the back of a moving car by an adult, until unconscious.
It hurt to watch that as a kid, but here his doppelganger ought to make an ideal substitute just fine!

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

How about those tax cuts the rich fucks didn't ask for, Ryan?

Fuck you.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

You know, I'm not really that violent, but I'd like to cut that widow's peak out of his head with a paring knife. Very slowly. And feed it to him for lying to elderly widows.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

With votes!

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Well, okay. That too.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

After your finished, let me knock that smirk off his face. Please?

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

now i have to go watch inglorious bastards again.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Oh no — President Obama cut money from Medicare (middlemen). It's like he stole it right out of the mouths of the people Paul Ryan wants to use that savings to give the rich a tax cut to.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Yeah cutting waste, fraud and abuse is so bad for Medicare

bikerlaureate August 29, 2012 at 11:41 pm

The stereotypical faults of Big Gubmint must be protected from the commie President who wants to correct the stereotypical faults of Big Gubmint.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Okay, I'm going to have to turn the channel, I will not abide with this Medicare lie. This is a bridge way, way, WAY too far.

DemmeFatale August 29, 2012 at 11:36 pm

I'm in awe that you could handle it THIS long.
(I can't watch at all. Even the comments on my (beloved) Wonkette are making me feel stabby,)

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

"an entitlement we didn't ask for"

Um, no, actually, HCR was a big hit on the 2008 campaign trail, and it did not lose appeal until your side started spreading lies about it. And to this day, when asked about the actual provisions of Obamacare, a majority of Americans support it still…

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

KEEP THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY MEDICARE!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Portman may be white, but he says "honkey please" better than any other Republican.

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

"the biggest threat…" i.e. We'll keep that one's hands off your right to accessible, affordable health care! What a twunt.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

"you've got alzheimer's? here's your voucher. good luck shopping for the best plan. better staple the voucher to your arm so you don't forget where you put it."

SheriffRoscoe August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Please g-d let him be just like this when he debates Ol' Joe.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

October 11th seems so far away…

Auntie_Spinster August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

"We did all the little things that made her feel loved…like tickle her pettouti."

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

You bet we'll win this debate…I can't wait until Obama exposes Mittens for the two faced phony he is…

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

OH I SEE. They can still demonize Big Government if they pretend that Medicare is being destroyed by democrats. You WANT to talk about privatizing Medicare? Please do, but you've gotta tell the truth this time you little weasley fuck.

coolhandnuke August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I like that 3M Command Strip land mine ad, that has popped me like 300 times already, more than I like Paul Ryan.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Seriously, they're PERFECT for each other.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Clones of a feather schlock together.

rocktonsam August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

is this shit going to over in time for the daily show? otherwise, I'm GOING TO BED

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Daily Show was fucking hilarious last night

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

What a lying sack of….

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

OH—- AAA credit rating….

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Ryan: We will saved Medicare by Vulture it, I mean voucher it.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

It's called THE AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT you little putz!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Lie, pause, lie, pause, lie, pause. At least wink a few times, dweeb, you're boring!

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I'd like to smack him upside his widows peak. He eats kittens for Brunch. Oh, & he takes health care and food away from poor sick children & elders

Auntie_Spinster August 29, 2012 at 11:50 pm

You left out the self-satisfied grunts.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

By "they" he doesn't mean "us" meaning the House Republicans…

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm
SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Paul Ryan, I really don't think the party that wants to bring back Dubya's policies should really be talking about "yesterday's wind."

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I dunno- this guy seems to know about wind.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

When Bush was asked about his mistakes, he said he didnt make any.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Traded Sosa, he said. Fuck him, too.

vodkamuppet August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Did he just bring up the credit rating? Are you fucking kidding me?

johnnyzhivago August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Just keep the gubbermint out of my medicare!

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I think I just saw Thomas Sowell in one of those ten-gallon hats. Didn't know he was from Texas.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I thought he was from the planet Moonie.

Xan August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Liked it better before you corrected it, because apparently Anthony Sowell was a serial killer.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I can't wait for ol' Gaffey Joe to school you in the debates, son.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Hey, Ryan welcomes that debate. So ideally he won't know what hit him.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Because he can speak in complete sentences, Ryan comes across pretty well when he's allowed to lie uninterruptedly. We'll see how it goes when rebuttal happens.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

"It's four years and we're not rich again yet!"

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I can't stand this fucking guy,

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Know what we are really missing, Ryan? A Congress that doesn't obstruct job creation.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Assumed resonsibility for a Congress who's stated mission is to fuck him whenever they get the chance?

No.

and if by some off chance he ever does take responsibility for you shitting on him, he will have lost my vote.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

A debt crisis caused you your party?

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Yes, it *is* time for the Reeps to assume responsibility, Ryan…not holding my breath on that one…

OK, my dog is giving me the pleading eyes, and my temper can take no more of Ryan's shifting blame from the obstructionists in his party. BBL…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Hey, Ryan: Tell us more about defunding FEMA and the National Weather Service.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

And refusing to appoint management to ATF, then blaming everything in the drug war on them.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I wonder how dry his mouth is.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I wonder how many more lies are going to come out of it.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 11:12 pm

AOT,A

Sorry.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Must be pretty damn dry after all of the Kockh-dick he sucked to get on the ticket.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Let's not talk about the two unfunded wars. the auto bailout, the housing crisis….

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

yeah but at least the germans got health care, just sayin

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Sorry, Ryan, people never forgot that Hoover saw the onset of the Great Depression. We'll stop blaming Bush when his two wars, massive deficit, and Great Recession are things of the past, not until.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

A debt program that you voted for every program.

You stopped that Commission, sweetie.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

What was wrong with your dad?

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Obamacare killed him retroactively.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Paul Ryan is part of the precipitate.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

apparently his dad only spoke in cliches and addressed him as "son", which is weird.

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Paul Ryan is a smug little prick.

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Does Ryan mean 'Declare War on Debt' by sending in the troops to get of poorz.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

…"solve this nations economic problems by gutting every social program there is and cutting Mittens taxes…"

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

"We need to stop spending money we don't have." Right after all his bullshit about how we need to be creating jobs. Guess what, asshole — all the economic recoveries in modern times have been based on the federal government spending money to employ people because industry can't or won't. But you probably know that already, and are just lying about it right now, right?

glamourdammerung August 29, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Did Ryan blame the 2008 crash on President Obama?

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

And again, I think, the closing of hometown Janesville's GM truck plant, which happened under Bush in 2008.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Give him enough time and he'll get around to blaming the shelling of Ft. Sumter on Obama.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Wooo!! I like to work for 9.00 an hour!! Yay!! Jobs!!!

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Ryan's mom reminds me of Jan Brewer, and not in a good way.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

men and women who create jobs = mittens
men and women who need jobs = you filthy slobs

job creators first!

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

What's with that flag pin? Is that the logo for the Republic of Gilead? Christian Embassy? Playgirl?

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

"Mom was 50 when my dad died, when I was 16."

Um… are we sure he's Catholic?

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Dad was the lucky one, he got the fuck away from his whiny and scowly kid and wife.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

If there's a Catholic who's 34 years older than one of her kids, and said kid doesn't have at least a dozen siblings, Cardinal Dolan wants to have a chat with her.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

more vag licking on day 2. they can't get enough…

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

You let your Mom take a 40 mile bus ride everyday after your Dad died? Permanent Scowl is nasty.

Native_of_SL_UT August 29, 2012 at 11:08 pm

His mom built that bus.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

"Awww She's a brick house"…..

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Wait a minute, does Ryan have lipstick on his teeth?

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Chris Crisco had bright pink lipstick on last night to match his pink tie. Must have the same make-up artist from last night. Liberace

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

**grunt heh ** yeah, what did your party do for Pell Grants?

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Ryan, your mother has bigger balls than you'll ever have.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

How many businesses have YOU started, Ryan?
How many have you managed?
Been employed by?

Same number as the percentage of the African-American vote you will get.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

This crowd is on fire for a bunch of incoherent, contradictory and plain wrong attacks

Color me surprised.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

mom and pop hardware stores? ha.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

So, what was Mom's small business? Although I do applaud you for saying nice things about her. Please don't be using her for self-fulfillment.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Apron strings.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

"She got on a bus every day and rode 40 miles to Madison." Because your rich lawyer daddy left her a big pile of dough, Paul. You were never middle class, and by your own standards you've never had a job your whole life. Give it up.

Native_of_SL_UT August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

His mom rode one of those socialist bus thingys?

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

And the Big Bad government helped her out with SSN payments and helped you with minor benes…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Ryan, didn't your mom and you get Social Security money to, like help you out when you needed help?

What would Ayn Rand Say?

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

She would say, "Me, too".

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Precicely.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

She'd say, "My Social Security is under the name Anna O'Connor. Whatdaya mean YOU CAN'T FIND MY CHECK?!"

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Behind every small business is a huge corporation building an outlet to destroy them.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Behind every small business is a huge corporation building an outlet to destroy them. They built that!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Extra p for that, if I could.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Just heard a rousing cheer from the teevee in the other room. Did Ryan just pull a gun?

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Oh for fuck's sake. 9 more minutes, and I turn on Jon Stewart.

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Watching Ryan trying to rustle up a crocodile tear for his ol' mammy just makes me want to fucking hurl.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

this guy sounds terrible on radio.

weird.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

He ain't any better of television, let me tell you. Really shows you the limits of being photogenic. In my opinion, Palin played far better.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Why is it the Republicans keep running some of the sorryest sacks of shit for VP?

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

This campaign built their entire platform around a non-sequitor about the contribution of government to the private sector. If this is all they got, rots o ruck.

I hope Obama runs a lot of his campaign around Akins little comment too.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Jack Kemp is rolling in his grave, you idiot.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Jesus fucking Christ, you'd think all that P90X would eliminate that weird grunting he does in between phrases.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Whey protein is hard to keep down.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Shorter Paul: Four more wars! Four more wars!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

FOUR MORE WARS! FOUR MORE WARS! FOUR MORE WARS!

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

oh boy i don't want paul ryan to be anywhere near the 'greatest force for liberty'.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Seriously, do you think any of the assholes at the convention have even visualized the possibility of Mittens or Lyin' being in charge of the nuke football?

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Dr. Ryan, if the patient gets chemotherapy it will limit tumor growth.
Paul Ryan: "I choose GROWTH!"

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Actually mean corporate cash hordering executive is on my side, all rest of you, 'F*#@& you'

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

USA!USA!USA!DRINK!

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

"Boo-S.A! Boo-S.A.!" oh wait, right. "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Ryan just is not a very good speaker – he can't deliver the applause lines with any punch at all. Pretty boring, just repeating the same talking points over and over like all of the other robots. And when he tries to make a point, he mugs every time. Looooooooser.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Romney better not come out. He'll be a buzz kill.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

It's in the convention rules that all speeches include at least one sloppy chant of "USA! USA! USA!"

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

You can't say just U!S!A! you have to say The Exceptional U!S!A!

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I'm already against the next war, Ryan.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

A Mormon and a Catholic walk into a tepid political convention…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

and no one wakes up.

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Who ordered the bag of dicks?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm
MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Before I click link, I'm guessing Matt Tiabi, let's see…Nope, I'm wrong and you're right!

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Actually he was talking about lazy young black men living on the government dole and owing child support by multiple ex-girlfriends. Just using what Ryan visualize in his head.

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

"if you feel sad, no matter what for, please, I urge you, blame president obama"

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

"If you're feeling left out or passed by, you have failed! Bootstraps, motherfucker!"

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

wow i've only been listening for literally 3 minutes and now i can go back to the crap i was attempting to focus on when i was boycotting the convention and only reading wonkette.

he's not very exciting.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I used to have a sheep dog that grunted like that. It turned out to be cancer. Just sayin'.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

ha haaaa mitt romney's vp accused someone else of being dull.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

"If you're feeling left out or passed by, you have not failed — your leaders have failed you."

But if we get elected and things still suck, it'll be your fault.

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I thought these fuckers were the party of personal responsibility???!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

No, it will still be Obama's fault.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

"A government planned life" hahahahah

As opposed to how you can just go die in the street or starve if you need help.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Just got back with the dog…he's *still* gabbing? Christ, get to the point!

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

C'mon, the audience already knows the point. He's white.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I was on an American Journey. I WAS DRIVING THE WEENIE MOBILE!!1!

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

"i could think for myself… that's when i decided for myself that i'd worship at the altar of ayn rand."

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

AND, you used your SOCIAL SECURITY DEATH BENEFITS FROM YOUR DAD TO PAY FOR TUITION AT MIAMI U OF OHIO.

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Brewers 3, Cubs 1! Yay! Ooh I think Ryan made a joke.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Oh look, he made a joke. What a rebel.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

I decided to suck off the Government teat and get a Government job….

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Hahaha, rMoney has a Muzak mix on his ipod

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Note to Angus Young: Tell this lying bastard he cannot play your music anymore.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Hardy har har. Mitt's totally old enough to be my (uncool) dad. har har har

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Gee Golly, he called Mittens a square. "And I'm the cool one…but seriously folks, Mittens and I are both assholes…"

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Ooooh, Paul Ryan's so cool he listens to bands whose members aren't even all dead yet. Street cred!

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Wall Street cred, maybe.

zumpie August 30, 2012 at 12:39 am

And they all hate him, just like Tom Morello does.

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 29, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Soon you have to pay to use the bathroom because public restroom is SOCIALISM.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:58 pm

And none of those bands approve of you!

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Being successful in business is a good thing, particularly when it's all you care about.

vodkamuppet August 29, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Is it just me or is he kind of bombing on the applause lines? The loons seem to need some coaxing to get whipped into a frenzy.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Upgraded credit ratings are great. Employment not so much.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

We go to church, whereas Barry's a Muslim.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

"In any church, we're just rich."

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Paul Ryan listens to AC'DC and Zeppelin? When I was growing up those were stoner bands.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

KEEP YOUR $1.5 BILLION US DOLLARS OUTTA MAH OLYMPICS!

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

oh my i just can't WAIT for next week.

there is so much rebuttal time to be had.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I just went to check on my old ma to see what she thought of Ryan. But she's watching the soap operas she taped while my brother took her to the Diamondbacks game today. A losing baseball team and The Bold and the Beautiful: more interesting than Paul Ryan. Take that, asshole.

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Whatta Man Whatta Man whatta mighty fine man!

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I think you mean "a mighty WHITE man."

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"In every Pothole there is Hope!"

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I wanna kick you in the dick.

Toomush_Infer August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

You can't see Condi's eyes and Ryan's are completely transparent – it's almost like they have totally convinced themselves of their own delusionary goals and histories….

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Paul Ryan better get used to Congress, 'cause his ass is going to be their for a very long time.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 11:03 pm

It would be sweet to see his ass kicked in both elections.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I know. Poor Janesville. They've already suffered enough.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"The lord of life"? Was that a Peter Jackson reference?

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Lord of Life? Is this from the next Game of Thrones book? Is he from Westeros?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Argh! Gingrich with his Lizard Person wife!

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Oh shit — now the sniveling bastard is gonna preach. Fetus worship!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Stand back, he's gonna breach!

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I would really like to baptize him, gratuitously, with, Maker's Mark.
Well as a God-fearin' Cathlick he at least couldn't argue with the name.

vodkamuppet August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Cognitive. Dissonance. Overload. Bzzzzzzzzz

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Rights come from our Creator.

Government protects rights.

Ryan wants to eliminate government.

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

I hate to say it but Palin was a lot more exciting than this shitheel. Blow me Paul.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

i TOTALLY remember when god wrote the emancipation proclamation and passed the voting rights act.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

"Those who cannot defend or care for themselves" – like those corporations that are really people?
Because the right to be a corporation comes from God!

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Hey dumbass — your rights are innate — they did not come from god. Invoking the deity as an excuse to impose irrational, inhumane and unworkable arbitrary moral values on the populace is what the founding fathers wrote the First Amendment to prevent.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Why did the founding fathers hate democracy?

UnholyMoses August 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

This comment is to notify you, Mr. SAYITWITHWOOKIES, that I will be copying your comment into a Notepad file, and then pasting it to the FB page, editorial, and or blog of those who, and/or that, support Paul "I Am the Master of Assholery and Dumbfuckery because AYN RAND SED SO BITCHEZ" Ryan.

That is all …

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 12:09 am

Cut & paste away!

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 11:32 pm

god wins ww2, but he also lets ronald reagan die of alzheimer's.

god's kind of a capricious sort, apparently. good thing he's omniscient, though. his omniscience allows me the freedom to not think critically about anything ever.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Whiney Nasal Nazi

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:02 pm

"Read my lips, no new blah."

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 11:02 pm

You know, I bet when they're on that tour bus, and Ryan's all coming off a P90X AC/DC high, jacked full of testosterone, frothing about the boner he has for Ayn Rand—I bet when he stalks up to Mittens all glistening with sweat, Mittens squirms a little in his magical underwear, simply terrified of this young political rock star that's everything he's not.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Ewwwwww. But I gave you a thumb anyway.

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 11:03 pm

The Safety Net safe again?!

RedStatePinko August 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

We had to destroy the safety net in order to save it.

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Urp.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Ugh, cover band Zeppelin? Really?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Really? Which song?

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Rock and Roll, no singing.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

The surviving members of Led Zeppelin apparently also got their cash up front.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Nah, it wasn't them, or their recording, it was slightly different (at least, so it seemed) and had no lyrics, so suck it, suckers!

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 11:17 pm

You didn't write that!

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Curses, foiled again. I will console myself with a small business loan.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED, PARTY PEOPLE! P90X! FEEL THE BURN!

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

In any event, it's utterly consistent that a budgetary fraud would hype a band that stole all its early songs.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Just release the balloons already.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:26 am

They used up all the helium on the blimp yesterday.

Oh, wait, that was Gov. Sammiches, so never mind…

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

wow that was pretty fucking bad.

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

That stage looks like a sports bar.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 11:19 pm

So does Mitt Romney's living room apparently, the production guys were going on about their instructions to turn a cavernous sports arena into a living room.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I'm totally jonesing for some Baritone Barry, now.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Here ya go my good man… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6uHR90Sq6k

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Now I've got a bad taste in my brain.

catholic4condom August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Honey Boo Boo is scheduled to speak tomorrow right before Mittens.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:06 pm

That is so hawt. I'll try to remember to bring my sledge.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Verily, a dollah makes Mitt hollah!

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Oh that Greek Othodox shaman has an outstanding hat.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:29 am

Wait- I thought we were trying NOT to be Greece?

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I think Ryan got the same speech backstage from Ed Gillespie and Mitt himself as Chris Christie last night. "You're not the fucking star of this show, got that? Not even tonight, when it's "Your" night in finger quotes. Got it, punk? Now go out there and give it good, but don't you dare outshine the boss. Understood?"

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:14 pm

It's no coinkydink that Hucklebee said, "How's about that Ann Romney, heh, isn't she a doll?" in his best Bob Hope-ese.

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 11:06 pm

He's not praying in Greek? Sell-out.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 11:06 pm

CBS Classic Scott Pelley post Ryan speech: "Paul Ryan, sounding every bit like the Chairman of the House Budget Committee" Translation: BORING SOULESS ASSHOLE. Meep Meep Meep

BathroomGoblin August 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm

David Brooks is just awful. Truly awful.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Compared to that dullard, mediocrity is avant-garde.

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Do you think we can get to 1000 comments on this thread? Blah blah blah… fuck Ryan blah blah white people blah blah nailin' Palin…

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Back to my examination of the Romney-Ryan demographic -"Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo".

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

And then he doesn't even mention the father, the son and the holy spirit? That doesn't even pass Catholic muster! Are we sure this "Metropolitan" isn't a secret Muslim?

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

What the fuck? Did I miss the "mystery guest?"

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Tomorrow, hon. One more day of drinking.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 11:12 pm

And we're expected to stay conscious?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:16 am

We are?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Just one more day? I was just getting in the fascist groove.

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 12:52 am

Heaven 17 – We Don't Need No Fascist Groove Thing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9B-uWoYs3X4

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Thank you, dear. In this for the long pull.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

that was so bad chicago public radio just went to the 'third coast' discussing chicago accents.

wtf?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I have to admit giving birth on stage was original.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you the Youngest Republican!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Just what the country needs, another Yaffer. Oiks.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 1:43 am

Young Americans, Young Americans, they are the …

LiesAllDayLong August 29, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Was that Ohio guy's name Clarence Mandingo?

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Al Sharpton is calling Ryan out on Maddow

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I can't stand that guy, but he slammed Ryan and this whole farce good and plenty.

zumpie August 30, 2012 at 12:44 am

Yeah, why are O'Donnel, Matthews and Fineman all pissing themselves with terror over the fucking veep candidates's "awesome" (except not) speech. And freaking out over how team Obama better debunk his lies and fast???

What am I missing?

larrykat August 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Now the fun will be watching the talking heads taking this apart tomorrow morning, decrying the lack of excitement, etc. All they would have to do is read through these comments here which nailed the whole night with more insight than they can muster.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:18 am

Excellent! I love the Talking Heads! Oh, wait…

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Help Tweety is screaming, yelling & spitting on me Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!

No_Wire_Hangers August 29, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Aaaaaaaand time for Honey Boo Boo…

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Tweety ❤ Condi!

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Andrea Mitchell and Condi at the Limelight…
The core of American strength is all about pink people!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Sucking up is fun!

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 2:51 am

Speak for yourself, Sucker!

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Am I the only one who thinks Condi seemed more vice-presidential? This dude's a not-for-prime-time fraud.

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 11:20 pm

condi rice is pretty fucking idiotic for an ostensibly smart person. if she has any decency whatsoever, she should kind of hate herself.

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 11:20 pm

OMG! Tweety ❤ Condi! Conduit = Andrea Mitchell.
Tweety wants a 'rejoinder' session with Condi.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Obama cold knocked out almost the entire deck of cards, Bin Laden, and with some kewl dog with titanium teeth. Go Andrea! (Mitchell interviewing Condi & bringing up Obama's mowing down the terrorists including Bin Laden. At that point Condi: "uhm, uhm, uhm."….)

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 11:24 pm

walker is bringing up the gm plant in janesville FOR FUCK'S SAKE. he was probably crying tears of joy at the memory of union members losing their jobs.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 11:24 pm

She knocked that out of the ball park. Seems to me that she said, yeah, I am supporting all this shit, but this is what I am really about. Must suck to be her.

Blueb4sinrise August 29, 2012 at 11:24 pm

68 Across Become unconscious due to drinking and/or drugs

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___________________________________________________

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

wonkettes?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

As an avid puzzler, I'm digging your acrostics. Alas, the only semi-interesting anagram I can think of for acrostic is orca tics.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2012 at 12:14 am

Wait, I should know this one. Blacks out?

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Go, Rachel, Go!!

SheriffRoscoe August 29, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Bad digital hair day for Romney: he's on MySpace, Obama's on Reddit, then he 'buys' a Twitter trend while Barack Obama trends free.

SorosBot August 29, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Man, I am so sad I went out like I do every Wednesday night and had to miss this shit.

iburl August 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Scott Walker just took a shit on MSNBC

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

ok mittens better bring some game cause the last two nights have splaned why dems are in the white house.

what a fucking waste of time.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Now, at last, Reince Priebus understands perfectly the challenges of any nursing home Social Activities Director.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 12:18 am

Bravo!

GeorgiaBurning August 30, 2012 at 2:01 am

bingo!

BerkeleyBear August 30, 2012 at 2:13 am

Gah!!!! I just needed one more racial dog-whistle to fill my board.

BerkeleyBear August 30, 2012 at 2:18 am

Jon Stewart on Priebus – if the tone he was going for was drunk asshole, he nailed it.

bikerlaureate August 30, 2012 at 12:04 am

He needs only to walk out onstage, stand there for a few seconds – and he'll get 39% of the popular vote, minimum.
In a just and decent world, every lie would reduce that number.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:12 am

Would reduce it by 1% each. Get into those negative numbers pretty quickly, too, also.

iburl August 29, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I'll have the Condoleezza Rice with the Rince Preibus dressage.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I AM sorry, we are out of that particular selection. Could I interest you in a Chris Christie chilli dog?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:13 am

Blech!

iburl August 30, 2012 at 12:49 am

I'm going to have to talk tough and spell out the hard truth for Chris Crisco… Krispy Kreme in Tampa closes at 2AM.

Pat_Pending August 30, 2012 at 12:25 am

Heavy on the mayo….

Biff August 30, 2012 at 12:36 am

On white bread?

Sharkey August 29, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I'm very familiar with the fact that death is inevitable, but come on.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:36 pm

You know you're in trouble when your main speaker is Mitt Romney.

iburl August 29, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Bring your neck pillows, travelers.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 11:38 pm

BTW… Nice live-blogging Jesse!!!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Hear hear!

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Agreed!

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:15 am

Thank you for administering to us!

comrad_darkness August 29, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I don't give two craps. I'm just here to help hit 1000.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:12 am

You too?!

Hell, I came to this party so goddamn late all that's left is stale beer, pretzels that have most likely been on the floor … more than once … and some chick passed out on the lawn.

Someone should take her home.

To HER place.

Sick bastads …

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 12:42 am

Say, you know who Else had a quota?

CapnFatback August 30, 2012 at 12:45 am

Someone-a in Italia who said-a something really pithy-a?

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 12:48 am

were at 1006, better put Hitler back in the box.

comrad_darkness August 29, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Diseased and Depraved minds stalk this land . . . like . . . two giant . . . stalking things.

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 11:59 pm

They will need a cunning plan.

johnnyzhivago August 29, 2012 at 11:44 pm

More important than this stupid convention, does anyone know a way to keep my kid's rooms neat – something that easily let's me hang stuff on their walls and doors – but can be removed without damaging them if I'm evicted or deported?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:50 pm
coolhandnuke August 29, 2012 at 11:59 pm

That 3M pop up ad driving me batshit for hanging the kids stuff neatly.
Gravity boots for hanging the kids neatly.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:11 am

Y'all get better ads than I do…

Guppy August 30, 2012 at 8:13 am

3M gave to Minnesota Forward; it's not just posters that they want to see hanged.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:45 pm

It "takes a while," Ur, but this thread is worth reading. Outstanding, people!

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Only way I'd ever afford a Gibson.

ElPinche August 29, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Page 12. Fuck yeah. The admins aren't looking! Bong hits for everyone .

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:16 am

STOP BOGARTING!

Sharkey August 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

Interception!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 11:57 pm

"Ya know folks, the other day the campaign bus stopped to refuel at Sheetz, and I went in there and couldn't find any bedding at all, not even 100 thread count. Ann and I never have this problem in Switzerland, but hey that's the kind of thing I love about this country, it's so irrelevant!"

bikerlaureate August 30, 2012 at 12:09 am

For some reason, these people LOVED the “ship sailing on yesterday’s wind” line.

BREAKING – New wind
for classic 19th Century American exceptionalism !

coolhandnuke August 30, 2012 at 12:18 am

The Amistad, the Mayflower and the Titanic are the wingnut's metaphoric armada, stuck in the doldrums…latitude 1850 longitude 100 BC.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:13 am

For some reason, these people LOVED the “ship sailing on yesterday’s wind” line.

Yesterday's wind = Chris Christie

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 12:22 am

An ill wind blows from the swamps of Jersey.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:29 am

We now know where most of those 10 million lbs. of sludge from New York and New Jersey came from (the ones that killed that under water guy).

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 12:37 am

Talk about wetlands. Yikes!

Pat_Pending August 30, 2012 at 12:27 am

It takes a lot of petard to hoist a Christie.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:39 am

That's one q away from a comment deletion …

CapnFatback August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

Yesterday's wind = Chris Christie

An unfortunate result of yesterday's postspeech dinner of pasta arrabiata.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:53 am

It's an evil wind that blows no good.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:14 am

And your spittoons.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:15 am

BTW — If the right loves to make jokes about how Al Gore and Michael Moore are fat, what the hell do they really think about the man who is … the largest Governor in the World.

'Cause, really. Dude needs a salad.

And just one. Not the entire Applebee's salad bar.

Jukesgrrl August 30, 2012 at 12:23 am

But, but, but … Democrats lack discipline. Republicans are just portly.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 12:32 am

Medicinal sherry will do that.

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 12:21 am

Romney
Ryan
Right Wing
Roadkill

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:51 am

Rogue
Rascal
Repugnance
Revulsion

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 12:57 am

Bill Mahr just made a joke on Leno [don't hit me!] about Romney Ryan Republican something — it's R-r-r-r! The sound a pirate makes when he robs you!
RMoney, indeed.

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 12:25 am

OK, I'm pitching in to get us to 1,000.

How many Japanese
Nakajima B5N fighters (Kates) were lost in WW2?

Pat_Pending August 30, 2012 at 12:27 am

…uh, all of them Katie?

coolhandnuke August 30, 2012 at 12:28 am

All of them Katesy?

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:29 am

All of them, Katie?

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:37 am

And to think I thought I was first with that …

I CAN HAZ GOOGLE FIBRE?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

Twelve?

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:36 am

42

fishskicanoe August 30, 2012 at 12:43 am

None. The Japanese are a very neat and punctilious people. The Kates weren't lost, they knew where all of them were. (Mostly at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.)

Biff August 30, 2012 at 12:27 am

Did Ryan finish strong? I couldn't take any more, besides, the Futurama season finale was on.

viennawoods13 August 30, 2012 at 1:03 am

I gave up hours ago and have been watching Grimm on DVD and quilting. Probably a much better use of my time.

Limeylizzie August 30, 2012 at 1:19 am

That's where I am , watching Futurama , I couldn't watch any of these cunts, so I just read the whole thread. You people are magnificent.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 12:29 am

Not surprisingly, the inevitable invasion of earth by Glaxorian Queen Pubina and her astro-lesbo army was totally ignored by the cretinous sheeple during tonight's joke of a session. I expect no less from the Dems next week.

Ron Paul 4054! Audit the Galactic Federation!

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

Thank god I didn't watch that shower of shite.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

965 comments on the thread, 965 comments …

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2012 at 6:19 am

Push "Reply" down,
Write something down,
966 comments on the thread.

966 comments on the thread, 966 comments… [This could take a while.]

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

Ann Romney is washing her hair.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 12:34 am

Nice try, but that stench won't wash out.

Pat_Pending August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

Chris Christie 2016: First Slitheen president.

CapnFatback August 30, 2012 at 12:37 am

I'm not going to search through 12 pages of comments to find out if anyone else pointed out that "Tad True" anagrams to "Tea Turd."

I'm just going to assume that I am original and childishly brilliant.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 1:08 am

I think you're right, but Tad True is SO first page! As "Built That" is SO last night. Tonight it was.. We Can Change This?…something like that. First they're going to make it, then they're going to break it 'til it falls apart, falls apart [cue Rafalca].

coolhandnuke August 30, 2012 at 12:37 am

12:30 am. The Tampa bars and nightclubs have the world's ugliest nocturnal critters en masse.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 12:41 am

They hold mass in Tampa bars past midnight? That would bring out the uglier elements. My advice is to order another round and light out to the Keys asap.

bikerlaureate August 30, 2012 at 12:43 am

We have been cheated of the local Craigslist M4M ads, which is like a tradition or something.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 12:41 am

Has anyone yet mentioned how difficult this thread is to masturbate to?

'Cause it really isn't.

Wait. What?

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:42 am

Do I get a Wonkette sticker if mine is the 1000th comment?

CapnFatback August 30, 2012 at 12:42 am

Stick her? You hardly post her!

Biff August 30, 2012 at 12:42 am

Sure. Just show up at the drinky thing in a town near you to collect.

CapnFatback August 30, 2012 at 12:43 am

No fair if you game the system . . .

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 12:47 am

I swear I didn't mean to.

ETA: Besides I thought gaming the system only works if you're a Republican?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 1:07 am

You can't con a con, unless you're a Koch then all bets are off.

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 12:49 am

Hitler!

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 1:04 am

Did you just call me Hitler? I'm confused.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 1:13 am

Godwin? [sinister Heh heh laugh]. Watch this!

Marco.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 12:42 am

Made it! Good night.

Chet Kincaid_ August 30, 2012 at 12:46 am

An evening of liveblogging should be divided up into multiple posts, like it used to be. 12 pages of comments is ridiculous.

CapnFatback August 30, 2012 at 12:48 am

Not to mention 12 pages of ridiculous comments!

Callyson August 30, 2012 at 1:11 am

The trouble with that is that unless they give a specific time on when the second post will be opened, I end up posting to the old one because I forget to check the main page.

Incitefully_Joe August 30, 2012 at 12:47 am

So, one thing that stuck with me from tonight is that they spent a LOT of time talking shit about Old Handsome Joe, and particularly to cast Biden as a buffoon. This is an extension of the whole "Replace Joe with Hillary" nonsense they were chanting earlier this month.

It is also mistake for Republicans.

This was honestly a lesson that they should have learned when Biden effortlessly eviscerated Lou Sarah in '08. Biden is a very capable politician. He's an experienced, fairly left-of-center Senator from a state that is very small, very densely populated, and very ideologically diverse. He's served for as long as he has by being very good at retail politics, very well acquainted with policy, and very adept at beating back challengers. I suspect his famous "gaffes" are mostly because he realizes that a lot of that stuff doesn't matter, as long as you have experience, ability, and can perform when it actually does matter. And I suspect that he also cultivates the buffoon image somewhat deliberately, as it gives him advantages he wouldn't otherwise have.

Frankly, I've long suspected (since at least that VP debate, and definitely since the same-sex marriage "evolution") that Biden is perhaps even a more adept practitioner of political jujitsu than even Obama is. Mock at your own risk, Republicans.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 1:02 am

He's also a white male.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 6:54 am

I think your analysis is spot on. Don't buy Biden's Breezy gaffe-ridden oldster act: his "Tell" is that he never misses the kill thrust of the epee' in debates. And he never Gaffes when Serious Business is afoot.

I'm sure the R's Fixers and Handlers all know this – all this Biden trash talk is purely for the Groundlings- and Ryan will be well prepped for the debate. The Republican's problem is that they're so submerged in their synthetic world that they believe their own propaganda. Gingrich, case in point.

BoroPrimorac August 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

I think the cons are going to have a hard time with old Joe if they try to draw blood from him. No one wants to see a snarky, little shit talk down to your uncle or your dad.

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 10:07 am

They should know by now to not fuck with Uncle Joe.

Can't wait for the debates, as I might tune in just to watch Ryan get eviscerated.

Joshua Norton August 30, 2012 at 12:55 am

Pawlenzeezzz’s: The daytime, sleepy, drowsy, almost-coma-like sedative.

Have we made 1000 yet?

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 12:56 am

I didn't want nor ask for 100p. If you don't mind, I prefer to dwell amongst my own kind in the 99p.

Arborista August 30, 2012 at 1:00 am

If you'd told me that, I wouldn't have upfisted you so many times before. Too late now…

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 1:05 am

Elitist. You'll get yours soon. Oh will you ever. Then you'll see.

Sob. Kill me.

MilwaukeeKent August 30, 2012 at 1:27 am

You should feel good about this. My P-ness doesn't move.

TribecaMike August 30, 2012 at 1:44 am

I'd emit a kidney stone joke, but it's off to bed. Perchance to dream of Huckabee's prized sow, Gertrude.

sudsmckenzie August 30, 2012 at 1:06 am

Dont worry, just say some dumb shit during a live blog and your pee will go down.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2012 at 6:13 am

Or a smart thing on the conservatard forums. They really hate that.

barto August 30, 2012 at 1:06 am

I salute you, Mr Livebloggerman. The humanity…

DerrickWildcat August 30, 2012 at 1:38 am

Man, some of you guys really watched all that? Eeeeesh.

BerkeleyBear August 30, 2012 at 2:19 am

Yet again the Daily Show nails it. Sam Bee gets multiple delegates to say no one can make choices for Mitt Romney on abortion, since he doesn't agree with the absolutist platform.

Every 4 years I think they can't get any dumber, then they do.

smokefilledroommate August 30, 2012 at 2:59 am

Shit, I got a job interview at noon tomorrow via Skype. Gotta get rid of those dark undereye circles and tell those fuckers I'm all about multiplexing.

AznMom420 August 30, 2012 at 3:00 am

I was wondering when kevin spacey would stop being so boring in this movie, and then I realized it was rince priebus.

lulzmonger August 30, 2012 at 3:01 am

1,046th!

te;cr
(too epic; can't read)

BTWBFDIMHO August 30, 2012 at 3:27 am

Since we're living in parallel realities now, I'd rather watch Nicola Benedetti. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJia2-wfqk8

cheetojeebus August 30, 2012 at 9:14 am

wow

Fukui-sanYesOta August 30, 2012 at 4:09 am

Paul Ryan, eh?

Enjoy defeat, Willard.

RadioBowels August 30, 2012 at 9:36 am

My favorite thing about this crap is they are saying that conservatardism has the new, exciting, fresh ideas. Obama is "out of gas" and his ideas have failed.
Plus that $716 billion lie has to be trumpeted.
Fuckers.

gurukalehuru August 30, 2012 at 5:37 am

Did you miss the nice Puerto Rican ladies introduction?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

misantropo August 30, 2012 at 6:12 am

"After four years of getting the runaround, America needs a reacharound!"

C_R_Trogloraptor August 30, 2012 at 6:48 am

The Estimable Charlie Pierce Nails Ryan's act but good.

Nixon, Mark II. Only prettier, with twice the sociopathy and none of the hardscrabble back story.

Biff August 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

"zombie-eyed granny-starver" never gets old!

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 9:05 am

So, Romney's giving his own political eulogy, tonight, right? Bless his heart.

**Orchestra cues Chopin's Funeral March**

UnholyMoses August 30, 2012 at 10:09 am

WE CAN HAZ NEW THREAD NOW?

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 10:20 am

Maybe we can start a Zombie Wonkette Thread?

anniegetyerfun August 30, 2012 at 11:18 am

I'm sure this has been said, but I am too tired/lazy to go through all 6 million comments, but the only way the US will become Greece is if everyone pays their taxes like Mitt Romney does. Which is to say, not at all.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Well, there's a whole Left Coast over here. Prolly not quite as hot, but also not as humid.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I've lived in Homewood for over 30 years, its a great place to be – a great mix of people. I didn't grow up with the rabid ones either, so coming down here was a huge shock – although, that does not include Homewood. Since I went to college in Tuscaloosa, I did see that, but preferred to laugh that those people, not embrace them. It was a whole different deal. My son literally could not tolerate being in school there, and we send him to another college, where he prospered. I had a blast down there – but I certainly could not make it my home.

FakaktaSouth August 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

It's not as humid underwater as it is here. I just gotta get a plan for the how of it all and I'm OUT, trust me.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Hell, swim out! i think we can breathe water here! Btw – I really enjoy reading your posts.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 11:53 pm
FakaktaSouth August 29, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I still love Homewood, went to the fantastic Homewood public schools (lets hear it for property taxes!) have a lot of pride about the place still, and being stuck here now was the worst thing I have ever done. Like I say, I'm scratching and clawing to get the heck out. I liked going to school here too, but it wasn't really "my" kind of place, I would have been happier at a different school, but at 18 I was happy anywhere I was "on my own." (totally financed by the parents) LIve and learn, live and learn.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I am too, and we are making progress.

FakaktaSouth August 29, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Oh wow, thank you very much.

spareme August 29, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Homewood public school system was a real Godsend, since my son has a full blown case of Aspberger,s and the first they had to deal with – they bent over backwards, for which I will be eteranally grateful. I gotta tell you that we spend as much time in Bham as we do here – we are at Lakeview just about every night, hanging with the greatest people here. I so do love this place.

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