in case you were wondering still no building of that by you

Liveblogging Tampa Wednesday: Rand Paul Ryan Rubio Olympians?

you will worship the aqua buddhaI would like to welcome you all to my first ever Wonkette liveblog of anything ever except for those three years that I was secretly running the entire site but pretending I was white people!

ARE YOU READY TO HEAR PEOPLE REFERENCE BUILDING THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I’m sure you are.

Tonight, we have Rand Paul, who the RNC mistakenly identified as Ron Paul, and Jeb Bush, the only Bush allowed at the convention, and Marco Rubio, who is Cuban and therefore better than Democratic minorities, and of course P90X dreamboat Paul Ryan, who is neither Ron Paul or Rand Paul but will Fifty Shades of Grey the fuck out of you if you agree to take a Medicare voucher.

Drop your drawers, because it’s RNC night two: PANTSLESS PROSPERITY! Complete stupid schedule here.

There are Olympians tonight, too. Presumably ones who built that. Without coaches.

8:42 PM – Let’s get this started!

8:42 PM – Some lady on the floor is interviewing an immigrant (LEGAL) who learned how to quote Ronald Reagan just as good as a native-born ‘Murkan. I’m not sure why else he’s there, but he would die for Ronald Reagan. Or a lock of his hair.

8:43 PM – Boring man named “Tad True” (obvious pseudonym) talking about the Keystone Pipeline.

8:47 PM – Tad True still talking about how he’s hoping Obama will let the True Children ride the Keystone Pipeline on family vacations.

8:49 PM – Lady at the convention who owns a small business (OF COURSE) is blaming Obama for businesses not lending her money, as opposed to the massive economic meltdown in 2008 that’s tightened credit for everyone, because SHE BUILT THAT WOOOOOOOOO

8:51 PM – Some douche in a vest and very nearly hipster glasses is rubbing his newly trimmed beard all over a mic and calling it music.

8:54 PM – The proliferation of shitty music is really making me wonder how there aren’t enough Republicans in a nation of 310 million people to avoid having to listen to this.

8:57 PM – Same musical interlude. Starting to have a creeping realization that life is short and I have spent many precious minutes of it listening to glorified hold music on my TV.

8:59 PM – Rob Portmania begins. And electrifies the screen so much my TV goes out. Or I turned it off.

9:00 PM – Mitt Romney made money the old-fashioned way! He used his dad’s connections to get a great education then went into business with people who knew his famous, powerful father!

9:04 PM – Rob Portman is on the hunt for Obama’s economic plan, which is right alongside his real birth certificate!

9:05 PM – This speech is a collection of terrible, repetitive things from a Hot Air comments section. The crowd is cheering.

9:08 PM – Uh, so, what’d you have for dinner? Was it good?

9:10 PM – Rob Portman plays Obama in Romney’s debate prep. Because he is a highly charismatic black man.

9:14 PM – Private sector entrepreneurs built that! But they need stronger patent laws and enforcement on the part of the government. BUT NO NEW REGULATIONS.

9:17 PM – The governor of a territory with no electoral votes is imploring “us” to vote for Mitt Romney. Because…fuck it, he built that?

9:22 PM – In case you’re wondering why you aren’t hearing about Puerto Rico’s overwhelming booming economy, it’s because unemployment there is 13.7%.

9:24 PM – OH GOODY MORE GOP MUSIC

9:28 PM – Turning to MSNBC, where Rachel Maddow is sexing my brain. Then to Fox, where Sean Hannity is sexing Marco Rubio.

9:29 PM – Tim Pawlenty calls this Obama’s retirement party, but he wasn’t invited, so that’s a dick move.

9:30 PM – Pawlenty talks shit about Joe Biden; Joe Biden writes his name down on the enemies list.

9:31 PM – Pawlenty mocks the idea of world events having anything to do with the economy.

9:32 PM – From our editrix: “Tim Pawlenty is so invisible I didn’t know who he was.” It’s true!

9:34 PM – Is there anyone in America who gives a flying fuck about any speaker’s family?

9:35 PM – Pawlenty’s speech would be ten minutes shorter if he didn’t wait for applause that wasn’t coming.

9:36 PM – Pawlenty calls Romney “the help”, which means Romney’s shitting in a pie as we speak.

9:38 PM – If Obama doesn’t take a private sector job after he’s out of office, Tim Pawlenty will follow him around screaming at him until he dies.

9:40 PM – Mike Huckabee with the “Debbie Wasserman-Schulz is a giant screechy bitch” line out of nowhere. DRINK!

9:45 PM – The Constitution was perfect, then the Founding Fathers made it PERFECTER.

9:47 PM – Huckabee wants to tell you about Uncle Sugar touching you.

9:49 PM – Barack Obama is limboing against Catholics, because he’s Hermes Conrad.

9:50 PM – Barack Obama will kill babies after they’re born; Mitt Romney will give an unspecified amount of money to his church. Think about that.

9:52 PM – Bono shoutout! Obama would kill him after he was born, too.

9:55 PM – Condi Rice gets the biggest ovation of the evening, presumably because the delegates have no peanuts to throw at her.

9:56 PM – Condi brings up 9/11, which Barack Obama something something.

9:59 PM – Audience is getting restless, WHAT DID CONDI BUILD, DAMMIT?

10:oo PM – After five minutes, Condi says you cannot lead from behind, which would be news to every top in America.

10:02 PM – Is there something magical and amazing about the number of trade agreements you sign?

10:05 PM – It does not matter where you came from, so please vote for this American aristocrat!

10:06 PM – I get what Jack Donaghy sees in this lady.

10:13 PM – Condi Rice is giving the best speech of the convention because it’s absolutely nothing like any other speech at the convention.

10:17 PM – Susana Martinez is on. She is Hispanic. She is female. Her parents did things. Oh, and she carried a Magnum as a teenager.

10:18 PM – So, this is what it takes for the GOP to cheer a minority with a firearm.

10:21 PM – Martinez tells a really cute story about talking to people and then she was a Republican? I don’t know, everyone is cheering.

10:22 PM – Did you know that there is not a single deficit left in America EXCEPT OBAMA’S???

10:24 PM – Politifact needs to check this Susana Martinez, Grocery Store Hero story.

10:27 PM – It’s Paul Ryan! Time for my lotion! Did he just fuck up his first line?

10:28 PM – America doesn’t need a runaround, it needs a turnaround! Or a Roundabout. Paid for by Medicare.

10:30 PM – One of Paul Ryan’s kids just straight dashed out, I think.

10:33 PM –  Did you know poor people exist and have legitimate concerns? Well, they do until November 7th, hahahahaha!

10:36 PM – Paul Ryan proposes a massive single-file line of the unemployed.

10:37 PM – No free country can survive with government health insurance except all of the other ones but us!

10:39 PM – Ryan has been lying for about five minutes straight right now, so it’s time to take a break by going back to his grandmother.

10:40 PM – The RNC is cheering for Medicare, but against Obamacare, because anyone under 65 is a fucking punk.

10:42 PM – For some reason, these people LOVED the “ship sailing on yesterday’s wind” line.

10:44 PM – This crowd is on fire for a bunch of incoherent, contradictory and plain wrong attacks, because they all end with someone flipping off Obama.

10:45 PM – Paul Ryan warns we will turn into Greece, minus the Euro and the EU and everything else that actually made them go bankrupt.

10:47 PM – Honest things Paul Ryan said during this speech: that his name is Paul Ryan.

10:51 PM – PAUL RYAN WILL P90X THIS NATION.

10:55 PM – Paul Ryan is one of them college boys, hmmmm?

10:56 PM – Obama is responsible for you being lazy. For you not working out. Apparently, for Mitt Romney’s shitty iPod playlists.

10:58 PM – Paul Ryan is young and listens to 70s rock!

11:00 PM – Paul Ryan says the strong should protect the weak, so let’s get rid of preexisting coverage and stuff.

11:01 PM – We have a right to choose our own leaders, unless we don’t have IDs, then we are sad and watch Netflix.

11:03 PM – LET’S DO THIS, SON! And by “this”, I mean watch Honey Boo Boo on DVR.

Good night!

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SavageDrummer

    Is it wrong that I am not wearing pants for this?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Only if you find it erotic.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Exactly what do you mean by "wrong"?

      • bibliotequetress

        And what do you mean by "pants"? If you mean "any material, be it cotton, leather, chainmail, formed into any shape, be it jeans, boxers, or LLCoolJ harem pants," then for god's sake sit on a towel, please.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Yeah we were told to drop our drawers. I might keep my kitchen apron on, though. I have eight minutes to finish cooking before the derp brigade hits full flux at 9.

    • freakishlywrong

      Pants? What re these things you call "pants"?

    • Terry

      Only if you took them off after seeing either Rand or Ron Paul.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      sure it's wrong, if right is correct and wrong is the opposite of correct BUT if wrong is merely just a way of expressing your love (like a gynecologist and his patients), then you could say "if loving this is wrong, I don't wanna be right" which in fact, makes it right or something. I'm using GOP logic to turn Condi babbling about Jim Crow to the very people who pine for it like it's a bad thing and getting a standing ovation…personally I think they were applauding how good Jim Crow was for her….

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      If its wrong, I don't want to be right.

  • commiegirl99

    DO IT. GET IT STARTED. WHOOOOO.

    • bobbert

      Headache better?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Oh wow someone is trying to get a fap-fest going…I think that's going on at Faux right now, a big circle jerk over Paul Ryan's lazy eyed Eddie Munster-sleazy looks.

  • ChernobylSoup

    When do these people stop existing?

    • Geminisunmars

      They are already just figments.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Word is they're running a beta test on just such a plan tomorrow night. If they really go with HoloRonnie tomorrow night, I'm really going to worry even more about a possible Romney Presidency — like during his inaugural speech, "Soylent Green is people, my friends!"

    • NellCote71

      Not soon enough. Guess that is why they are so stirred up about the whole pre-conception thing. Needs more MittBorgs.

    • TribecaMike

      Looking at the demographics, sooner than they think.

    • Arborista

      They are all holograms. Turn off the teevee.

      Bye- byeeee!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    It has begun. Deploy typical emplacements with augmented pro-mormonic attachments.

  • freakishlywrong

    Orcs could learn about decouam from these fuckwits.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Gygax libel!!!

      (Oops, he's dead. Carry on.)

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Is Marie Osmond speaking again tonight? I just love her new catchphrase, "I LUV YOU WIMMENZ!"

    • TribecaMike

      You sure that isn't Donny?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Oh, well, there goes my plan to get thin with Nutrisystem.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Annie doesn't "have to put on the red dress tonight".

      • WhatTheHeck

        R-o-x-a-n-n-e libel.

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          Well, Anne Rocks! On a horse!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Was that an admission of lesbiantastic interests on Ann's part?

      I caught a few lines of Ann's speech. I loved the line about how, when they were just po' young'uns, their desk was a door on two saw horses.
      Riiigghhhttt….

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        yes, or like when they were in college and all they had to support them was Mitt's preferred stock given by his daddy, because you know ordinary and average…

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          The hard times, before they had a beach house…

    • bikerlaureate

      Make the world go away.

  • Barrelhse

    It's kind of too bad they didn't hold the convention in New Orleans. Why, they could be in the Houston Astrodome even as we speak.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Grandpa McWarpants is reason enough why I don't ever regret voting for Obama.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Small Business Lady blames President Obama for the banks not lending her money? Does she think it had anything to do with the banks blowing all our cash at the casino a few years back?

    • freakishlywrong

      No. Why?

    • WhatTheHeck

      Idiot people who still don’t understand who or what caused the depression.

      • Arborista

        Obama did it all. Retroactively.

        • bikerlaureate

          People who need to be reminded of this, over and over, are just being deliberately dense. They probably also think that the Senate minority leader actually said that his party's top priority was preventing President Obama's election.
          If Media Matters said it, the opposite is obviously true – and that's good enough for me.

          • bobbert

            They're not dense. They just recognize black when they see it.

    • comrad_darkness

      The SBA is the only reason banks ever give any money to any small business. Oh noes, the government!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    54 down Herr's better half
    _
    _
    _
    _

    • Lucidamente1

      Frau?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Frau?

    • Lucidamente1

      Hiss?

    • Geminisunmars

      Von Braun?

      edited: Von? what was I thinking. Eva.

    • bobbert

      Derr?

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Restorer?

  • Biff

    My simulcast is a little out of synch, blowing my mind

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Biff, perhaps you need slimucast to get the Rs' grease flowing? Just sayin'.

    • Arborista

      You need to drink some more.

      • Biff

        That would be a good idea, if I drank anymore.

        • bobbert

          You can watch this without drinking? Optic nerves of steel, man.

          • Arborista

            I'm not drinking either, but also- I'm not really watching except in small doses, and also- my simulcast is not out of sync…

  • Guppy

    Speaking of the Indian-born immigrant, was anybody else amused by the "city on the hill" metaphor being attributed to Reagan?

    (Hint: it was said by JESUS)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Same diff.

      • PsycWench

        Jesus = Ronald Reagan = Ayn Rand

        Hell no it doesn't make sense to normal people.

    • WhatTheHeck

      When Romney said that a few days ago, it was heavily laced with religious overtones.

    • miss_grundy

      At least they didn't say "City of Gold" because that would be Mario Cuomo and that was a great speech.

  • TribecaMike

    I'd love to build it, but first I gotta get me one of them sweet gummint contracts. And chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate. And marionettes. Lots and lots of marionettes. Oh, and Doric columns, many many Doric columns. This is America, dammit!

  • sudsmckenzie

    Be careful, Newell live blogged the Palin "I'm quitting" speech and we lost him for over a year.

    • kittensdontlie

      Sure, with Palin's exit, many suffered from clinical depression over the loss of an extraordinary butt of many side-splitting jokes.

      • Boojum

        Her butt ain't all that.

  • Callyson

    Melissa Harris – Perry on MSNBC talking about Issac. Christ, I can't believe NO is being hit with this kind of shit again…

    • shelwood46

      I saw that the partially-Katrina-destroyed house she bought, that she showed off on her show on Sunday to talk about how she was rebuilding it, has been completely destroyed by Isaac. Pity.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      That's what you get for listening to the Devil's music.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    World's Whitest Jazz Band again — they must have six or seven vamps they're just gonna repeat relentlessly during their filler segments — they're like "the audience doesn't know from music — just play these three chords over and over again until the next speaker sobers up."

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Ah, but did you see the middle-aged chubbettes in dirndl skirts and aprons warbling this afternoon? They I think they were from Suds' neck of the woods, but they didn't even have the manners to serve beer as part of their Germanic routine. Republicans consider that stuff to be suitable entertainment for the nation?? That alone should disqualify them from holding high office. Yodel-ay-hee-hoo.

  • Guppy

    Small sign-printing business for ROMNEY*

    *(at a competitive rate!)

  • Toomush_Infer

    Loved watching Newt with Tweety – would you buy a condom from this man?….

  • Callyson

    Oh, God, why did I switch to C – Span to see the actual convention? These people can't dance for shit!

    Someone else posted this elsewhere, but I'm watching My Neck My Back again (lyrics are NSFW, and hilarious in this context):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qaz0N-2LCZ0

    • Guppy

      0:00 to 0:02 was the one being stalked by the C-SPAN cameraman all. fucking. night.

      • viennawoods13

        Oh good,I thought that was who it must have been. Now that mystery is solved (as I really can't be bothered to watch any of this, but did enjoy the My Neck My Back video)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        She was carrying an "I'm single" sign — maybe he was jus tryin' to help out.

        • viennawoods13

          I noticed that- she probably appreciated the attention.

    • IndianaKevin

      Grammaw be gettin' down to dat!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    That guitarist is GE Lawrence from the SNL band. What the hell — is he broke or something?

    • TribecaMike

      You mean GE Smith? If so, he's gone way downhill since touring with Dylan in the eighties, the poor dumb sap. Oh well, a paying gig is a paying gig (or maybe he just missed Victoria Jackson's backstage bj's).

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Yes, Smith, thank you. I'd rather play an Orc wedding than this gig.

        • TribecaMike

          lol Bit o' Roman Catholic trivia — Saint Lawrence is the patron saint of comedians.

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

          Yeah, but it's a hell of a bachelor party.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Is this the guy that let the bridge in his state fall on all those people or was that someone else?

    • bobbert

      Nah, that was T-Pzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Callyson

    Portman:

    Ugliest. Tie. Ever.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Why do you hate America? Or France or Russia or England, for that matter?

    • MissTaken

      I think that's the Cayman Islands flag.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        +1

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wow — John Thune, White person, white person, and now Rob Portman. They must've only rented the black people for a day.

    • Biff

      Now it makes sense, MSNBC hiring Steele, one less blah person on the convention floor. Brilliant!

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      They dispensed with "those people" last night…Oh wait! Condi's on! …Oh, wait…

  • Callyson

    "He built a company from the ground up"

    I'll bet the people who were Mittens' business partners just *love* being left out of that….

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Considering the guy at Bain who wanted Mittens to run the new Bain Capital thingy had to practically force him into the position.

      • bobbert

        Yeah — "He built a company" if"built" == "had handed to him on a platter, with take-backs allowed".

    • BlueStateLibel

      Or more accurately: he loaded tens of millions of debt onto companies and then burned them to the ground.

    • miss_grundy

      Or George Romney's friends, who helped Mittens start the company "he built from the ground up". Yeah, ahuh.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I thought Portman was supposed to be younger. His invoking that ancient John Houseman quip just confirmed my earlier misjudgment.

  • freakishlywrong

    Rob Portmanteau is no funny. Do they eVen have ideas?
    EDIT: NOTE TO SELF. DO NOT POST FROM MY IPAD.

    • glasspusher

      Onswipe is teh suk

  • Blueb4sinrise

    19 across all night bar?
    r _ _ _ _

  • Callyson

    "Which one would you choose to invest your life savings?"

    I'd love to hear from the employees who lost their pensions after Bain leveraged their companies and then cashed out, leaving them in the dust…

    • bobbert

      Also, what the fuck does that have to do with Prezniting? If I want a fucking money manager, I'll hire one.

      • bikerlaureate

        They can't use the ol' "…would you rather have a beer with," and focus testing on an replacement phrase has been inconclusive.

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          Who would you prefer drinks your milkshake?

  • Sparky McGruff

    If you turn the sound all the way down, and play Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon", all the people will appear to be complete douchebags, but you won't have to listen to the douchebags talk. And the music will be better than whatever country-ish crap they're currently playing.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      That's a pretty good idea. I used to get SO HIGH and watch the Wizard of Oz thingy. I kinda miss doing that sometimes.

  • Guppy

    I'm pretty sure WWII lasted a bit longer than 4 years.

    I'm also pretty sure the Great Depression lasted even longer.

    • bobbert

      WWII didn't start until Pearl Harbor, silly, because USA USA USA.

      • grex1949

        Tell that to Hungary, Poland, Russia, Great Britain, the list goes on.

        • bobbert

          wonkette, sarcasm, you know?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "FDR and Truman won an entire world war in two years." Hey Rob — you know who had two wars to choose from and couldn't win either one in eight years?

    • TribecaMike

      Two years? You're shittin' me, right?

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        He actually said four years, my bad.

        • TribecaMike

          It's cool and he's still an asshole.

    • viennawoods13

      That's right, forget about the other countries that hung in there from '39 to (almost) '42, because without GB and the Commonwealth, it would all have been over before the US made up its mind to join in.

      • TribecaMike

        Bit o' trivia — Winston Churchill's actual name was Winston Spencer-Churchill, with hyphen. Says it right on the birth certificate.

    • Callyson

      I hope the ghosts of no one knows *how* many Soviets who died in that conflict haunt him after that one.

    • miss_grundy

      Any of the news anchors correcting these asshats????? I'm sorry, my bad.

      • bobbert

        Hahahahahahahaha. One of the better bon mots of the evening.

      • rocktonsam

        the anchors aren't paying attention either

    • BerkeleyBear

      So those two won it all by themselves but Obama gets no credit for bin Laden because he didn't knife the guy single-handedly on TV? Logic fail.

      Also, way to piss off every other major economy's leader – because I'm sure the Germans and Japanese love hearing how we beat them as much as the Chinese, Brits, French and Russians like hearing us claim they had no part in it. Dipstick.

    • BarackMyWorld

      "We don't actually remember anything that happened before 2009."
      -actual Republican platform plank, I swears.

    • Negropolis

      I love this revisionist history that WWII didn't start until we entered it. It'd almost be funny if it wasn't so fucking offensive. We literally tried everything within our power not to get involved, even when we saw the slaughters.

  • Callyson

    "America is tired of waiting"

    Yes we are–so stop fucking around with obstructionism and start acting in the interest of the country, not in your partisan interest, Reeps…

    Asshole.

    • Arborista

      Yes, every time they blame Obama, I yell, "REPUBLICAN-CONTROLLED CONGRESS" at the screen…

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Envy, envy, envy, blah, blah, envy, envy, blah blah. Meantime, crazy curmudgeon John Sununu told the truth to NPR about how the GOP really feels about anyone who actually works for a living when he said that "risk takers" deserved the incentive of a low capital gains tax otherwise they would have to "take the easy way out" by working for a salary. http://www.wnyc.org/shows/bl/2012/aug/28/republic

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      That cunt.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      I look at Sununu and really miss Walt Kelly of Pogo — he'd have a field day drawing John Sununu. Walt died too soon.

      • Bezoar

        Walt Kelly was my hero. Great cartoon stylist and caricaturist. Remember the 'Jack Acid Society', his parody of the John Birch Society? It substantiates Twain's assertion that laughter is the way to attack tyranny. Did you know that he was one of the main graphic creators of Disney's movie Dumbo?

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          Didn't know about the Disney thing, wild what he got away with, that whole series was posted the other day somewhere.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      What about taking the easy way out and taking a tax payer funded salary and then taking tax payer funded plane rides to your dentist appointments?

    • Bezoar

      "Behind every great fortune lies a great crime" — Balzac

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Well between that and RMoney raising taxes on the middle by $2500 (even politifact had to say the robot wants to do this) to (partly, small percentage thereof) fund a gigantic tax cut for the rich…who do these people think they're fooling? Oh wait, the middle class votes slight majority Republican…fucking stupid cunts. The funny part is politifact which has lost much of its credibility ranking slight Obama errors (my favorite was FALSE because the figures were right but the context wasn't perfect) as equivolent to GIANT lies such as the Janesville GM plant weasel-boy cry face (Brokeback mountain counterpart of Paul Ryan) Scott Walker likes to babble about was only "half true" because the plant closed but he got the date wrong…give me a fucking break, politifact.

  • Callyson

    Oh, and about that "recession next year" bit? Those same experts will tell you that this can be avoided if Congress would get its shit together and deal with the tax cut issue, rather than drag things on and on and on…which the Reeps won't do because they are focused like a laser on destroying Obama.

    Asshole.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mitt Romney made money the old-fashioned way! He used his dad’s connections to get a great education then went into business with people who knew his famous, powerful father!

    Well, that really is old-fashioned, innit? As in, 19th Century Amercia.

    • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

      And then he got a bunch of thugs from Central America to give him start up money.

      • Arborista

        But they weren't union thugs, so it's cool.

  • Callyson

    OK, as much as I can't stand Lyin' Paul Ryan, I can see why Mittens picked him over this guy…could Portman contain any more hot air than that which he is currently spewing?

    • grex1949

      Too bad it wasn't Romney/Sununu this time around. Comedy Central would have gone nuts.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Geeze, Portman — our China policy hasn't changed in any significant way regardless of who's president. Pretending you're gonna get tough (in some unnamed way) with China is recycled pap from every single Republican convention I can remember. Also, China's buying our bonds because they'd rather invest in the US at virtually zero interest than anywhere else.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes, not to mention Dubya and the GOP pretty much gave China carte blanche to begin buying our debt up in significant amounts to finance his tax cuts for the rich, two wars, medicare part d (all voted for by 'fiscal hawk' Paul Ryan). I think it's funny how these assholes work this one, on the one hand China is evil and we need to get tough with them using our current Republican-led political batshittery to try and knock the dollar off as global reserve currency while at the same time we need to emulate their approach to the work force: no unions, ridiculously low wages, laughable non-existent environmental policies, etc. They want all the 'perks' of Communist dictatorships with none of the ambition.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Obedient Sheep Obediently Bleat.

  • whiskeybaby

    I really, really hope this whole "You built that" disingenuous lie bullshit they've constructed their entire convention around blows up in their collective faces soon. But they're Republicans, so they probably enjoy things blowing up in their faces.

    That's the only dick joke I've got right now. Off to get some more wine!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      yes.

    • shelwood46

      They're selling t-shirts on the You built that" theme, with a ginned up version of Romney's quote about famous businessmen who built their businesses all by themselves. Romney originally mention Steve Jobs, Henry Ford, Ray Kroc, Bill Gates and Papa John. The shirt leaves off the last two, no doubt because they are alive. Jobs, of course, was a co-founder, and not originator, of Apple. Kroc bought his first few restaurants from some obscure brothers named, um, MacDonald. And I'm not sure I'd want to tie myself to Henry Ford's politics, but I'm not a Republican.

      • TheMightyHaltor

        And all of them "built that" when tax rates were a hell of a lot higher than they are now. What's their point?

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          Not that, we know for sure. Government just gets in the way, which explains Somalia as a showcase of bountiful free enterprise and prosperity.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Now he' referencing Paul Ryan and probably thinking, he dodged a bullet with that one.

  • BathroomGoblin

    I'm late for my ham dinner with mayonnaise.

  • Callyson

    Is it me, or is this audience almost as bored by Rob Portman as I am?

    • Arborista

      ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Huh? What? Did you say somethzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    You know who else never lost his dream. MY father you stupid fuck. And he went to CUNY which had FREE tuition and then he went into the army and went to optometry school on the GI Bill. AND THEN HE BUILT HIS BUSINESS WITHOUT EVER ONCE FORGETTING WHAT MADE IT POSSIBLE and he loved this country.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      A tip of my hat to that.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      your story should be on stage next week.

      but then, i'm pretty sure they'll be working on that…

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Fuckin' A.

  • Guppy

    "We Built This City!" It's official! Empty the bottle!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don't tell me Jefferson Starship failed to get a restraining order.

      • Guppy

        I'm sure they demanded cash up front.

      • bobbert

        It's too hard to figure out who they are anymore.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      They didn't even build the building they're in. 67% tax dollars is what I read.

      • bobbert

        Yup. Irony is dead as Breitbart.

        • BarackMyWorld

          Super-upfist to you, sir.
          That should be our new Wonkette motto, I believe.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh, uncertainty — that horrible bugbear that haunts us all and stalks the future, taking away the brass-balls entrepreneurial spirit of Americans — because they're scared shitless unless they have the path cleared for them by their rich friends. What sissies these businesspeople are.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The biggest uncertainty is not knowing what the gummint will be spending, not whether their personal income taxes will ratchet up 2 or 3% … and they just shut off their brains rather than think for ten seconds about which party is to blame for it.

    • AddHomonym

      We're risk takers!!! We want certainty!!!!

      • Arborista

        THIS!

      • bobbert

        Exactly. Genuine entrepreneurs want UN-certainty. It's what gives them a fucking chance against the established players.

      • Callyson

        Win.

    • reliefsinn

      Oh, I thought Mitt started a business with nothing but a credit card and his own savings, or perhaps he had some leftover Rambler stock sitting around. \
      OHNO! Not CondiRize!!

  • MissTaken

    I scream for Scream Industry!

  • Callyson

    Small business person going on about how they can't work hard and not be compensated–they can't be robbed like that. Now this guy knows how the middle class has felt for the past 30+ years…

  • JackObin

    I wonder what kind of inaugural parties will be thrown when Git wins the election? Will drinking be allowed? Or will everyone be making babies, according to the mormon way?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Ideally we'll never know.

    • shelwood46

      He's bringing back Prohibition, and women having sex outside of marriage will be stoned. It's in the platform, near the bottom, in fine print.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Packing.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I can't watch that shit but am glad you guys are taking one for the team. It pisses me off how blatantly all these assholes are lying & the media NEVER questions them about it. I'm a bit skeered for Barry in November. Maybe the rapture will happen between now & then but the stupid is rampant.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I was skeered for Barry this time in '08, too. I was prepared to use that to be optimistic today, then I read that Montanans are getting ready to replace Jon Tester with a millionaire who votes against veterans' benefits. That gives me a big sad.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I'm with ya, Texan. I can't watch the stupid and I'm scared that voter suppression will lose us the whole shebang.

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        The turnout suppression is the thing to be feared, eh, Tom Corbett?

    • No_Wire_Hangers

      Watching this is good for me because it's time I got my ass over to the phonebank. I've been putting off my volunteering, but it's time to start calling those undecided fucks in Nevada.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Nameless Businessman's competitors overseas don't have to worry about financing a massive healthcare plan? Well he gets points for imagination.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I hope his competitors are in Singapore … wait 'till he finds out what they get with their tax dollars.

    • BathroomGoblin

      Nameless businessman took $200,000 in stimulus money. http://mediamatters.org/blog/2012/08/29/another-s

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And $2 million in government contracts. I wonder if he knows those will disappear under President Mittens?

    • pdiddycornchips

      Socialism=free health care. Free = no one has to pay, duh. We can't have that here though because it would ruin our freedom

  • Biff

    Holy fuck, Jan Brewer in HiDef is frightening!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That might be even worse than in person. I bet Palin is seething that they like Jan better than her.

      • Biff

        Hehehe!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    OK I think I"ve heard the word "strangle" twice now. Calm down, Cohen squinky-voice; calm, dude.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    BREAKING NEWS:

    RNC staff leak photo of "Secret Speaker"

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I don't know whether to thank you or spank you.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Can't we do both?

    • lulzmonger

      ROMNEY FTHAGN!

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Romney Winnipesaukee wgah'nagl fhtagn.

        ("In his house at Winnipesaukee dead Romney waits dreaming.")

        • BlueStateLibel

          I just love a man who can speak the ancient language of the Old Ones. Sigh.

          • C_R_Trogloraptor

            It's a lost art, as most of the speakers get Eaten. But I think it's worth the effort.

    • Pithaughn

      So it is Mrs. Tundra Twat " I quit"

      • bobbert

        You knew it was gonna be her.

      • Bezoar

        Really? Palin gonna speak? This has a lot of potential for inintended consequences. It could backfire, too.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      My Cat of Ulthar is asleep and snoring. Apparently, I'm no threat.

  • AlterNewt

    "Blah blah, 'high school dance' blah blah 'we built this…' blah 'real 'Merkins' & etc."

    • Arborista

      Frank Luntz? Zat you?

  • TribecaMike

    Thank the gods for that big podium, cuz whoever designed those codpieces must have been on shrooms.

    Btw, Jan Brewer just now talking about Paul Ryan: "He's young and generelious."

  • IonaTrailer

    The interview with Ryan'brother is pretty bizarre. Alzheimer's, Reagan, dead father, babysittiing where kids watched a movie (Naked Gladiators?)
    SO, now that we understand why he's qualified it's all settled!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Why is The Walking Dead on? Oh, wait, it's only Jan Brewer.

  • Misty Malarky

    Coca Cola and cheap lemon vodka is the drink of choice at the Malarky Manse tonight.

    Hey Condaleeza!

    Show us yer tits!

    Woooo!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      If you like that, you might want to try my obliterater of choice: Schweppes Bitter Lemon and tequila over ice.

  • iTuna

    This Puerto Rican lady is intoxicatingly beautiful. How long until the Puerto Ricans get booed?

    • Arborista

      How did PR become Republican territory anyhoo?

      • iTuna

        I have to imagine they'll have a much bigger delegation at the DNC, right?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    This never gets old:

    Rich, White Republican.

  • Callyson

    Oh God, going on about the deficit that W's wars and W's tax cuts made…

  • rocktonsam

    so Condi is the only blah in the house besides the help?

  • TribecaMike

    It's obvious Jan Brewer really needs to stop hanging with Towelie. On MSNBC she just said about Reagan, "He gave amnesty, and unfortunately that didn't happen." Huh?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      She "has did everything she could" in Arizona, now she's she's taking her talents to Tampa where they also speak word salad.

  • iTuna

    Watching the RNC, I am struck by how poorly the delegates represent this country. The people in this crowd don't look like the America I live in. They look like the drive through line at a Little Caesar's, maybe, but not this country.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Yes, and the happy bagel inhalers at Panera's.

  • Callyson

    Yada yada yada free the job creators yada yada small business owners yada yada.

    How I wish that just one reporter would ask some of these assholes what they think of Paul Ryan's tax plan. You know, the one that would raise my taxes, and the taxes of the middle class, while cutting them for the rich?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    OMG, Puerto Ricans like the American flag? Next they're gonna think they're citizens.

  • ChernobylSoup

    I guess this music is all the RIAA would let them play?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I guess they're saving The Nooge for tomorrow night.

  • Callyson

    We will never give up!

    Damn right we will never give up, buddy…OBAMA 2012!

  • Callyson

    OK, I learned from the last musical break…MUTE!

    • AlterNewt

      I learned from last night. Perma-mute!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Is Portman dyslexic? He does not seem to understand how the English language works. It is funny that these idjits are pushing for English as the official language. I can speak several languages better than he can speak English.

    • miss_grundy

      Both of my dogs, may they rest in peace, understood English and Spanish better than these poopheads supposedly understand English because they only seem to be able to speak in word salad.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Does the ACA cover wart removal?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor
  • Guppy

    Thought we were having a Milli Vanilli incident there for a moment…

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    As horrid as this musical act is, they at least had the sense to show the audience when to clap rather than just trusting them to find the beat on their own.

  • TribecaMike

    Virginia Gov. Bob McDonald is so white he didn't show up on my RGB monitor.

    • littlebigdaddy

      And so far in the closet that you can't see him anyway.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      They say the same about the transvaginal probe on the mandatory-look monitor.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Its bridge falley downey and kill people guy!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That never happened. Rmoney's people Etch-a-sketched it.

  • Callyson

    T – Paw, huh? Christ, I may not be able to stay awake to watch this crap…

  • Limeylizzie

    I can't watch it, i am with you in spirit,my friends.

  • Biff

    9:08 PM – Uh, so, what’d you have for dinner? Was it good?

    Bacon, naan and a salad, was good, but I lost it when Jan Brewer took over my TeeVee.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    TPaw! Help…must…change…channel…

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    This Tpaw dork – I get why my Minnesotan friends think he's an asshole now.

    He just tried to say Obama takes a lot of vacations.

  • Callyson

    It's hard to say what his worst mistake was…

    Um, I'd say it was taking the idea that the Reeps would be more interested in promoting the greater national good than making short term political gains at Obama's expense was his worst mistake…

    Asshole.

  • BathroomGoblin

    The president takes more vacations that 1/3rd of the bush vacations, HAR HAR HAR – Tpaw

  • Biff

    Oh fuck me, vacations? Forgot about that ranch down in Crawford already, T-Paw?

  • Guppy

    Gee, with such a rapier and unpredictable wit, it's hard to see why T-Paw bombed in the primary.

    (Time for a shower!)

  • Callyson

    Pawlenty did NOT just say that *Obama* takes too many vacations? Has he ever heard of W?

    • miss_grundy

      Didn't W take a vacation once a month for a week, so he could ride a horse or clear prairie grass or something.

      According to Factcheck.org, Pres. Obama took 26 days during his first year as president. Reagan and the two Bushes all took a heck of a lot more.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      No such thing as history to these people. Even the history that's in newspapers still stacked up in my house.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    But I thought Barry controlled the weather!

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    He didn't really bring up the vacation thing did he? After W? Really?

    • Xan

      This is the Republican Party, where everybody loses and the facts don't matter.

  • Callyson

    Blonde in audience is stone faced over the tattoo joke. Yeah, I'm with you, honey…

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Oh, but wait 'til you're older and unfunny and no one likes you. Like T-Paw. Then you'll look at your tattoo and sneer at yourself and punch-break the mirror and then fall in a heap on the bathroom floor, crying. Because you're like T-Paw now.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    so fucking sick of things being built.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Pawlenty making bad funnies. Not getting many laughs, and I swear someone yelled out "Who ARE you?" during a lack of laughter.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      That was me. Sorry, didn't know I yelled it so loud.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. What part of that do you Republifucks NOT understand?!!

    • bobbert

      All of it, SFR?

  • rocktonsam

    this must be the you didn't get the veep and you're a loser parade

  • IonaTrailer

    Mr IonaTrailer says: "The guy's a card, and regular laff riot."
    Apply liberally.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh, a tattoo metaphor — from an older parent's perspective. That's gonna win over the younger demographic, because voters just voted for President Obama because they thought he was cool.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Now meatpacking = grandfather was a coal miner.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The Exploiters!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "T-Pawk'ing Points"

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    also: loving jesse taylor's blogging.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "Help's name is Mitt Romney". Baa-haaa!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Just get the government off my back" — yeah, like that Papa John's guy who's gonna have to pay for healthcare for his employees by charging an extra dime for each pizza. How can we survive this crushing burden? We should help Americans by letting them die of cancer instead.

    • Biff

      You can bet your ass he'll round it up to a buck.

    • bikerlaureate

      Self-driving cars and robot pizzaRoombas won't cost more to develop than a dime per pizza, will they?

    • miss_grundy

      Have you ever eaten a Papa John's pizza? It's not that good at all.

  • Callyson

    LAUGHTER at the comment that Mitt Romney is a great person. OK, which of you Wonketters infiltrated?

  • Callyson

    We need Mitt Romney now more than ever

    *silence*

    Pawlenty stands there, looking for a reaction…

    *yawn*

    • bobbert

      How fucking stupid can you get? "Now more than ever" was a re-election motto.

      Otherwise it doesn't even make sense to Repubicans.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    "Now more than ever."

    OMIGOD. Nixon libel.
    http://democraticbuttons.freeservers.com/page62.h

    • bobbert

      Unpossible to libel Nixon.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Wow, that T-Paw can really rock a crowd, eh? Like a turd in the punchbowl. Aw shit, here comes HuckaJebus.

  • Wadisay

    Huckabee and Christie orbit around a common center of gravity.

    • IonaTrailer

      Nougat filled?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Well Pawlenty gets the award for most prickish remarks for his sneering comments about Obama not having a job before. Twice.

    • bobbert

      Unlike T-Paw, who worked as a lawyer (y'know, like that blah guy) and then a veep of something for a whole six years before latching onto the gummit tit.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Damn'em with faint "bless yer heart," Huckabee. Classy, that.

  • Biff

    ZOMG, "we can do better than Huckabee" is reason enough to vote for Rmoney?

  • Callyson

    Really, Huckabee? That DWS comment is the best joke you can come up with? Yawn…

  • BathroomGoblin

    These people have never even seen a copy of the constitution.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Huckabee's putting on weight again, must be taking every meal with Chris Christie for the duration.

    • OurHoboSenator

      He's standing with Chick-Fil-A

      • TribecaMike

        Diabetes is FUN!

      • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

        Keep choking down that chicken.

    • bobbert

      He has to bulk up to recognizable size or Crisco may eated him by accident.

  • Wadisay

    Huckabee's eyebrows travel 65 miles during a 15 minute speech.

  • IonaTrailer

    Huckabee: "You didnt' build that. Translation, Glatu veratu nik to"

  • Callyson

    Oh God, back to this food stamps business…yeah, it's a really bad thing to help people who were impacted by the 2008 economic implosion get something to eat. Let's let them starve instead.

  • TribecaMike

    Nice lava lamp, Huckleberry.

  • Biff

    Would someone wake up the Texas delegation, please?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Part of me wants to see how Victoria Jackson would fit one of those gallon hats over her mutant-giant hairbowtie. A wee, sick sad part of me, mind you.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i don't know what you are seeing as i'm neither listening nor watching but i still did a spit take.

      • Biff

        At that time, they were all taking a power nap, simultaneously.

    • glamourdammerung

      Did Pat Peale wear her Purple Heart band-aids again? Those were a regular laugh riot.

  • IonaTrailer

    "Romeny has been faithful to his lovely wife…"
    Subtext? Not like that blah gigolo in the White House

    • bobbert

      Actually, I think it's "Not like that Clinton guy". They can still get a little mileage out of Bubba-hate.

  • Callyson

    Um, Huck, you do know that Mitt Romney's was 47th among the 50 governors in job creation, right?

  • Guppy

    Hey, Huck: the Framers didn't die for the Constitution; most of the dying was done beforehand.

    • bobbert

      Have you fact checked that with Bob Jones U?

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      The only dead person I know that can still write stuff is Breitbart.

  • LibrarianX

    Can they mate without booze?

  • IonaTrailer

    Huckabee talking about his "upstream" relatives is like admitting they're manatees.

    • bobbert

      Hahaha.

    • miss_grundy

      Manatee LIBEL.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Feed me, lead me and bleed me? Where is the Uncle Sugar you speak of? He sounds hot.

    • bobbert

      See me, feel me

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Huck's parents told him he was as good as anybody else. And he's certainly lived up to that promise.

  • MissTaken

    Looks like Huckabee enjoys good ole Uncle Sugar.

    • IonaTrailer

      Wasn't he in Winter's Bone?

    • bobbert

      Uncle Corn Syrup, I think.

  • Callyson

    Yes, Governor, going to college is a great way to learn that you can go far in life when you go to college. Wouldn't it be nice if people in your party would quit making more and more cuts in education?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I bought Huck's weight loss success story book. Wow, he must have been huge once.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Nice to remind people that Obama is the only candidate that isnt a dangerous heretic.

  • Callyson

    Oh fuck you Huckabee–birth control *is* healthcare, you prick…

  • TribecaMike

    You tell 'em, Huck. Baal bad — berry berry bad!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Huck just said President Obama claims to be an evangelical Christian — that's news to me. But then again, most of Huck's reality would come as news to me. Also, he looks like Herbert Hoover.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Evangelical is a meaningless term without context. The mainstream body of Lutheranism in this country is the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (the product of a 3 way merger in the 80s), but I don't think anyone really views Lutherans as Christian fundies. Every Christian who believes that the Good Word should be spread by the people can technically be called an evangelical – in that they believe in evangelizing.

      So technically true, but stupid. Plus, how has Obama not lived up to Christian teaching – by offering too much aid to the poor and middle class? Not something Huck really wants to get into, even as a cheap punchline about abortion and gay marriage.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    The RNC National Convention 2012:

    Knee Deep in the Hoopla

    • BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, do they really want people singing

      "Someone's always playing corporation games? Who knows, they're always changing – corporation names?"

  • AddHomonym

    Funny, Huck left abortion off of his list of Constitutionally-protected rights.

  • Callyson

    So, if Mittens went to a mosque, you'd be cool with that, Huck?

    • MissTaken

      Haha, he said 'church' silly. Not a dog-whistling mosque like that Kenyan muslin.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "I care less about where [Romney] takes his family to church than where he takes this country." As long as it's to church.

    • shelwood46

      Isn't it a temple, technically?

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        There called wards here, you know like at the mental hospital.

      • bobbert

        Only the big things are temples. Small things are stakes or wards. (and yes, IIRC, "stake-house" is a thing).

    • Negropolis

      A white church.

  • Guppy

    Isn't Uncle Sugar why we still have the embargo on Cuba?

  • Callyson

    Giving to a church =/= giving to charity. Especially a church that is a glorified business:

    How the Mormons Make Money

    http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-07-10/h

  • spareme

    I read Matt Taibbi's article today, that will be published by Rolling Stone on Sept 13. Not that there is anything super-surprising inside it, but it still was an eyeful. So…. fuck you Huck! And Mitt! and everyone else out there,who is supporting this Republican agenda, and who is lying through their teeth: you self-servicing assholes.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      now i have to look. or buy. which is good b/c i need reading material this w/e.

      • Geminisunmars

        Please to give a synopsis when done, please.

        • spareme

          The article is listed on HuffPo. Go have a look.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    We like losers! No trophy for you!

  • BathroomGoblin

    Chandler and Scarlett? New money, people, new money.

  • gullywompr

    Huck deserves a trophy.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      For upping his weight class to the very highest level after writing that weight-loss book?

      • gullywompr

        For participating.

  • Guppy

    Didn't Jesus give everyone salvation a trophy just for showing up?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    A prize like a Nobel?

  • TribecaMike

    Sonny Bono is Irish? I thought he was Scientologist.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      ♪ I got chins, babe ♪

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    This Huckabee is a real asshole, huh? Isn't he a preacher or something? Go figure.

    • miss_grundy

      No, just a grifter. Most of those fire and brimstone preachers are just grifters living off the sheep.

  • Callyson

    No, we ought to give Obama credit for *achieving* the end of the economic implosion almost single handedly, after *your* party decided it preferred to destroy him rather than save the nation's economy, Huckabee…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    How did you feel when Bono disliked your guitar skills?

  • Guppy

    America is more than just a country, we're an idea. An idea about borders and language and skin color and religion and…

  • Biff

    Exceptional nation! Drink!

  • MissTaken

    Uncle Sugar will lead your behind!

  • IonaTrailer

    Huck busts out the Bono card. Good thing Bono can't vote here, because he'd be voting for da other guy.

  • gullywompr

    Nah, it's because you're Republicans.

  • TribecaMike

    Did you have to mention your behind, Huck? Yuck!

    • Arborista

      Was that meant to be a "Left Behind" reference?

  • spareme

    Is he gone now? Please?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …and shitloads of bible tracts fall from the ceiling..

  • mosjef

    Is it an amazing replica? Or a real life talking turd? Next time in Tampa, don't miss Madame Tussaud's Ear Wax Museum.

  • Callyson

    Those motherfuckers are NOT using Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" song!?!

    That's what I get for not hitting the mute button quickly enough…

  • gullywompr

    Look, MItt has a black friend!

    • Biff

      Is she wearing her Augusta jacket?

      • gullywompr

        I think she needed something pink to blend in.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Hope no one throws salted snack foods at her. ;(

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Makeup artist must be behind everyone's ultra white-ness. Even Condi *radiates* most unnaturally.

  • Arborista

    Good evening, good evening, good evening.

    Thank you very much. The End.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh my — Condi's walk-on music is Sweet Home Alabama. I know she's from Birmingham, but I hope she cringed on the inside during those few steps.

    • BerkeleyBear

      You have to be shitting me. As in "Watergate doesn't bother me," and love for Gov. Wallace "Sweet Home Alabama?" Or the lame Kid Rock re-mix?

  • gullywompr

    9-11 Drink!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    911 + Candy = Romney?

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Is Condi talking about that memo again?

  • mayor_quimby

    9- Eleben!!!! Frist for Condie!!!!!1221111

  • Callyson

    You've got a lot of nerve to pimp 9.11 after ignoring "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US" Condi…

    Bitch.

  • TribecaMike

    Time to move inland, the human oil spill is speaking. Texaco! Texaco! Texaco!

  • Wadisay

    Does Condi remember being warned that Bin Laden was determined to strike in the US?

    • comrad_darkness

      Using airplanes, no less.

  • spareme

    I cannot believe she is going here. Condi – please – go play golf or something.

  • BathroomGoblin

    I remember ignoring that memo about Osama being determined to strike America, good times!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I FUKIN HATE U CONDI

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Condi goes straight to the good stuff! Now let's give thousands of brave American troops PTSD for no reason!

  • IonaTrailer

    She's admitting the financial melt-down occurred under W.

  • Guppy

    And now former National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice tells us of how surprised she was on 9/11.

    And this helps the GOP how?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Hey, Condi– you ain't talkin' about being a Mommy!

    • sudsmckenzie

      But she "Loves you Women"

  • Biff

    So it's better if we kill 'em, Condi?
    Fuck you.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "We stand for free peoples and free markets." Especially in guns and cocaine.

  • Callyson

    "We stand for free peoples"

    Ask Salvador Allende about that one…

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    shrill harpy sez wot about military?

  • LibrarianX

    Aqua Buddha bong hits!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I think a lot of them have been hard.

  • TribecaMike

    I hope this doesn't mean Condi won't be performing her distinctive piano stylings at the airport Hilton tonight. Her version of "Tangerine" is to die for, literally.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Besides our eternal gratitude, Condi, we also owe them the promise to put your ass in jail alongside your colleagues who lied to get us into Iraq. What a horrible monster.

  • Guppy

    Compassion for the AIDS orphan in Uganda; for the GBLT in Uganda, not so much.

  • Biff

    Good fucking god, she's $arah in blackface and contacts.

  • Guppy

    Smell that? That's the smell of pre-Teabagger neocon philosphy!

  • Callyson

    Yeah, Condi, how about talking about the villagers in Afghanistan who were left behind when W rushed off to an unnecessary war in Iraq?

    Or the American soldiers who came back from there to get shamefully substandard care from Walter Reed?

    Bitch.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    you are like a piranna. you are a sick piece of shit. not even a shark can stand behind you.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Is it just me, or is there always a slight hitch in Condi's voice/delivery that makes her sound like she's one step away from bawling?

  • AddHomonym

    More talking about "behinds."

  • Guppy

    Peace comes through strength. What was Jesus packin'?

  • GlowneyHouse

    Cue Lee Ving…these people are gonna want to hear "Let's Have A War" at full volume real soon.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    They volunteer and go over, and over, and over, and over again. Steve Earle has a thing for Condi, apparently, but like he said in a different song: "It's been a year now and he's still there, chasing ghosts in the hot dry air, meanwhile back at home the finance company took his car…" Look forward to Iran under Romney, whether we need to or not. He's surrounded by Neo-cons.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I'd honestly rather hear her play piano.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      It's very mechanical, devoid of expression. Much like her speech.

  • gullywompr

    Strong sabre rattling from Condi. Bin Laden must be really scared right now.

    Oh, right….

  • Callyson

    "Peace really does come through strength"

    Too bad W pissed that away during his term by grossly overextending the military…

    Asshole.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Peace comes from being peaceful.

  • IonaTrailer

    None of these fuckers are talking about the Republican obstructionism. FUCK YOU CONDI.

  • TribecaMike

    So trade deals with China are good when your side makes them, but not when our side makes them?

    • Arborista

      Duh!

      • TribecaMike

        I know, naive right?

  • Guppy

    Trade treaty, trade treaty, trade treaty…

    We're not making it easy enough for Bain to export jerbz!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Your fucking party cockblocked all that shit in Congress..

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Bless her heart.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Needz moar Shoez!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    That is not our America! *shakes fist* That is… Unmerica!

  • Callyson

    Is that lipstick on Condi's teeth?

    • Arborista

      Yes, but whose?

    • IonaTrailer

      It's blood

    • LePiston

      Needs moar pageant insider tips from Lou Sarah.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Unless you came from Hawaii.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Wow– they're cheering for a lezbeen!

    • Guppy

      C-SPAN showed one black GOP dyke cheering on another.

      Qadaffi is fapping in his grave.

  • rocktonsam

    I haz a sad for Condi, I thought she was different

  • Callyson

    Screen shot of bored youngz when Condi paused. I know how they feel.

  • Guppy

    "We have never believed that I am doing poorly because you are doing well."

    And your campaign contributors thank you for that.

  • gullywompr

    Stop busting on the rich, yo!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "We have never been jealous of one another and never been envious of each other's successes."

    And this woman worked under the president with more daddy issues than any other in American history.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Romney might give him a run for his money on that point. Yes, we have seen this movie before…

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    They were careless people…
    they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      nice.

      • prommie

        I smell Gatsby

  • OurHoboSenator

    "Long and hard, up and down"

    THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

    • Callyson

      Jinx!

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Solves it for me, she's a bottom…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Do Do that Voodoo!

  • Callyson

    "Long and hard, up and down"

    That's what she said…

  • TribecaMike

    "Long and hard, up and down"? Oh behave, baby!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I believe in Apollo Creed.

  • gullywompr

    Is this a great country, or what? Let's get Will McAvoy's opinion….

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Awww, obligatory shoutouts!!!

  • Guppy

    My prediction: "War on Trade Agreements" will be a Thing by this time tomorrow.

  • Callyson

    A compassionate nation of immigrants

    I guess I should be impressed that her line got a *mixed* reaction, instead of straight up booing…

    Nah, not impressed.

  • vodkamuppet

    Why do people still talk to George Will?

  • AddHomonym

    Walkout!

  • Callyson

    The crisis in education is a threat to who we are

    So, why not stop cutting educational funding then?

  • IonaTrailer

    We need better teachers, so let's bust the unions and rob the pension funds

    • rocktonsam

      and not help with tuition for students who may want to be teachers

    • miss_grundy

      Actually, we need students who want to learn and better parents who turn off the teevee and sit with the kids at the kitchen table so they will do their homework. That's what we need. Oh, and teach children how to tell time with an analog watch, that's something that middle schoolers can't seem to do in Livonia, Michigan…

  • gullywompr

    School voucher time…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Every Child Left Behind.

  • Biff

    WHO IN THE FUCK IS SHE BLAMING FOR THE STATE OF OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM?!?!?!

    THAT CUNT

    • gullywompr

      Is Condi learning? No….

    • mayor_quimby

      Poors, right?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Is Condi criticizing No Child Left Behind? Oh, and calling for better education — some sort of massive government program, no doubt.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Just say no to "government schools" ™Neal Boortz. Wait, what?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    It's the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging

    All ready to Use.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Yeah– I have a grievance, motherfucker!!!!!

  • gullywompr

    Damn, they really hate poor people, don't they?

  • spareme

    Just when she finally said something I may agree with, she starts talking about Mitt and Paul. ARGH!

  • Callyson

    "America has met and overcome hard challenges before"

    Yes, we are gradually recovering from the W administration…no thanks to the Reeps…

  • BathroomGoblin

    Dr Ferragamo please pick up the white courtesy phone, Dr Ferragamo, white courtesy phone please.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    WHY AREN'T YOU DEMOCRAT?!!!!

    • Guppy

      Because she likes playing Risk with real armies too much.

  • TribecaMike

    You mean the Jim Crow south that your conservative father told you to not buck against? The folks in that crowd can surely relate to that.

    • mayor_quimby

      Is that true? Ouch.
      Also, English only, Susana Martinez. Regardless of your gun size.

      • TribecaMike

        I read that in her memoir.

  • IonaTrailer

    Did Condi's mom give someone a shit sammich?

  • Arborista

    JFC! How long can this go on? Isn't there a limit to the number of lies you can tell in one evening?

  • gullywompr

    Secretary of State. She built that.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I know a zillion people in Arizona who are tattooed from their faces down and if they vote at all, they vote Republican. But then Republicans never think before they speak. You'd think Grampy McCain would have told them. He courted the Sturgis vote, remember.

  • Guppy

    Impossible semen!

    Inevitable impossible semen!

  • belmontreport

    Good thing they choose the black lady to say that a majority of poor parents are minorities. Yes white people, applaud that. Great job.

  • larrykat

    Condi has lipstick all over those two big middle chiclet teeth of hers. Its distracting me.

    • gullywompr

      It's kind if her trademark.

    • mayor_quimby

      It's maddening even for a straight like me. Don't they have MAC makeup in Palo Alto?
      It's called Lip Glass, bitch, get some. (thank you ex-girlfriends)
      Also, inevitable retroactively?
      What does that mean?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Make the possible semen-evitable? Kinky!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Hey, now…

    Where the hell are my pants?!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Oh goodie!

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        It's remarkable how many times this happens here at Wonkette.

  • Negropolis

    Condi, those fakes cheering you would be the same ones spitting on you and throwing rocks at you fifty years ago. The fakeness makes me vomit. Many of those in the audience were alive during segregation, and let me tell you, they weren't on your side. Sorry.

    • miss_grundy

      So, nobody threw peanuts at her and said what they said about the blah CNN camera operator lady???????

  • TribecaMike

    Did she say "compassionate"? Dubya libel!

  • NellCote71

    I have not read through the comments, but can someone explain to me what "lead from behind" means. Although I welcome obnoxious sexual and/or scatological replies, would someone please tell me what this really means in Repug politik talk?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      They're saying Obummer is a non-alpha male pussy fag who didn't tough talk the A-Rabs enough, nor did he run over enough gutter poorz with a Hummer.

    • Guppy

      "Leading from behind" means you don't use a visit to an aircraft carrier for a photo op in full flight gear.

    • Xan

      It's a reference to Larry Niven's "Ringworld" series which featured a species, the Puppeteers, who were misogynistic cowards that were willing to go to any lengths, including destroying the galaxy, to protect their business interests. They called their leader "Hindmost."

      On second thought, that's probably not what they're thinking of, but it's been striking me as incredibly apt.

      • bobbert

        Nah, Ryan's eyes are way too close together.

    • miss_grundy

      But our guy still killed Bin Laden, so f*ck you, Repugs!

    • Arborista

      Snark off, I believe it's motivational business empowerment bullshit about the need to be way ahead of everyone else to see what the 'pack' can't see. As in, "if you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes".

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh yes — a little black girl from Birmingham who couldn't even order a hamburger at the Woolworth's lunch counter became secretary of state. Because of our entrepreneurial spirit? No — because Kennedy and Johnson put their bootheels on the necks of the racist segregationist Southern governors and wouldn't let up until they started — started — to treat blacks equally.

    • Negropolis

      Thank you. Government got it done, and we remember that. If we'd have waited for society to come around, we might still be in that ugly place, today.

      • comrad_darkness

        *cough*states' rights*cough*

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Knowing all the while that they would lose the South to the Republican for a generation. Doing it anyway because it was Right.

      • Biff

        Aren't we already in the 3rd generation now, though?

        • C_R_Trogloraptor

          Yup. They underestimated a tad.

    • spareme

      No – because her parents had enough sense to get her the hell out of here. Birmingham is her home, but she got out. Good for her. Now, she is the first woman to be admitted into Shoal Creek Country Club – an all white bastion of some of the biggest assholes around here.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Damn, now that you mention it, and I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I could be like Condi. And get the hell out of here. I don't want to have to sell my soul afterwards, but still, the leaving sounds amazing.

        • spareme

          Hell, I came here after it happened, and for some strange reason I didn't accept what this was all about – mainly because my father, born and raised here, and I was taught that people here were NOT about all this., And, there are large number of us like that. It's getting better, baby step at a time.
          I don't want to get out. It is my home, I am vested into Birmingham, I love Birmingham.. I am glad she seems to love it too. Great people here, for the most part.

          I cannot address her other issues though.

          • Geminisunmars

            I am enough of a sap to believe that love can change things (with the help of some other things), so keep putting that love out there, and good luck to you.

          • spareme

            I am too, and we are making progress.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I grew up in Birmingham (Hoorah for Homewood!) and I did not hate it, I actually loved it, and knew plenty of smart people who were very cool. I did not grow up with rabid redneck racists and I did not know how bad it could really be here til I moved to Tuscaloosa. WHOLE DIFFERENT deal here. I'd just like to ever live anywhere else before I die.

          • bobbert

            Well, there's a whole Left Coast over here. Prolly not quite as hot, but also not as humid.

          • FakaktaSouth

            It's not as humid underwater as it is here. I just gotta get a plan for the how of it all and I'm OUT, trust me.

          • spareme

            Hell, swim out! i think we can breathe water here! Btw – I really enjoy reading your posts.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh wow, thank you very much.

          • Callyson
          • spareme

            I've lived in Homewood for over 30 years, its a great place to be – a great mix of people. I didn't grow up with the rabid ones either, so coming down here was a huge shock – although, that does not include Homewood. Since I went to college in Tuscaloosa, I did see that, but preferred to laugh that those people, not embrace them. It was a whole different deal. My son literally could not tolerate being in school there, and we send him to another college, where he prospered. I had a blast down there – but I certainly could not make it my home.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I still love Homewood, went to the fantastic Homewood public schools (lets hear it for property taxes!) have a lot of pride about the place still, and being stuck here now was the worst thing I have ever done. Like I say, I'm scratching and clawing to get the heck out. I liked going to school here too, but it wasn't really "my" kind of place, I would have been happier at a different school, but at 18 I was happy anywhere I was "on my own." (totally financed by the parents) LIve and learn, live and learn.

          • spareme

            Homewood public school system was a real Godsend, since my son has a full blown case of Aspberger,s and the first they had to deal with – they bent over backwards, for which I will be eteranally grateful. I gotta tell you that we spend as much time in Bham as we do here – we are at Lakeview just about every night, hanging with the greatest people here. I so do love this place.

    • obfuscator2

      logic would kind of dictate that if you can become secretary of state, shouldn't you eventually realize that it's kind of fucked up that you were denied a goddamn fucking hamburger as a child because of the color of your fucking skin?

      • Geminisunmars

        Logic? Vhat is dis logic of which you are speakin?

  • sudsmckenzie

    … and thats the last Blah person these people will acknowledge until they tip the sky cap at the airport.

    • SoBeach

      Ha ha. Tip the sky cap. That's good.

  • spareme

    I live in Birmingham, and I have to say it – she scored big time..

    • Negropolis

      Scored what?

      • spareme

        She is balls on about her statement about eating at Woolsworth. We all remember that – all of us that are oldz.

  • Biff

    Moar exceptional country(nation implied) DRINK MOAR!

  • Callyson

    OK, the Red Cross promo is the one useful thing to come out of this evening…

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    This needs more International Criminal Court.

  • gullywompr

    Token Latina appeals to compassionate conservatism in wake of Katrina II.

  • gullywompr

    English only, bitch!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Martinez — "In America, todo es possible." And CSpan pans the crowd as half the attendees are sitting on their hands.

  • Callyson

    Bitch in audience rolled her eyes over "Todos es possible."

    Yeah, vete a la mierda…

  • Callyson

    Oh God, the gun nuts are coming in their pants…

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    PBS, feed or local, just f'd up in middle of Condi's, um, climax, snapped back to wild cheers, and fell to dead air. for ten seconds. Now the minority minutes resume with Martinez, sounded like she got boos from some quarters for slipping in a little Spanish. English only, Tacos are folded meat products! Great cheers for the .357 Magnum.

    • Arborista

      It was a nice break, but too short…

  • Wadisay

    Smith and Wesson gets the biggest applause of the night.

  • Biff

    GUNS! DRINK!

  • TribecaMike

    Obviously, the word went out not to boo the latinas tonight, especially the ones who are packing.

  • gullywompr

    YAY GUNZ!!

  • Guppy

    Talk about packing! Drink!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Hey honey, the only reason they have you up there is 'cause you're brown. You'd probably have to pull your .357 to get into their country clubs– and they'd obliterate you before they knew who you were.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Run, it's a robbery!

    • miss_grundy

      They would point out to her that the help goes in through the side door or the back door and to not be so uppity as to think she can mix with the white people.

  • Negropolis

    "Todos es possible". Oh god. Yes, even a homophobic Latina from a bordertown who sells her soul to the tea party can be a governor.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Fucking awesome standing O for the S&W .357!!

    INSPIRING!!

    • Arborista

      More applause for the gun than for anything else I've heard mentioned.

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        Yup! I feel lucky, punk.

    • Geminisunmars

      Too bad James Holmes isn't running. (too soon?)

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      .44 or GTFO!

  • sudsmckenzie

    GUNS!!. pew pew pew

  • Callyson

    You know, if the Reeps ever *did* have anything with this "we built it" lie/line, they are about to drive it to the ground and render it meaningless by constantly trotting it out…

  • Guppy

    "I was called to testify against my boss. I could have backed down…"

    I'm thinking she never learned what a summons is in law school…

  • TribecaMike

    Something tells me this isn't going to end with a rockin' norteño band.

  • NellCote71

    Oops. Mexican governor lady did not get the memo on small-business, minorIty GOVERNMENT loans.

  • LibrarianX

    Joe Strummer – haunt these assholes. Please.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      ouch.

  • Callyson

    Does this mean Ryan is going to get less than 40 minutes to talk? Or are they going to go into overtime? Because if they do the latter, I'm switching to something more intellectually stimulating…a rerun of Gossip Girl…

  • Negropolis

    You so know that the GOP has ICE backstage to haul her ass away after her speech.

    • Guppy

      Has anybody seen Jan Brewer in the past five minutes?

  • TribecaMike

    "My parents were wonderful people, and they were Democrats. Oh, and by the way, Democrats are evil!"

    Paging Doctor Freud. Doctor Freud wanted on line one.

  • gullywompr

    Damned is right.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Madame, we have already determined what you are, now we are just haggling over the price.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Yeah, you're Republican if your husband's name is 'Chuck'.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "I'll be damned, we're Republicans." Stunning lack of self-awareness, Susana, or just a tendency to drift with whatever?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Too many people are out of work — and our debt is out of control." Okay, Governor Martinez — pick one of those and solve it.

    And enough of this turning your state's deficit into a surplus bullshit — without Federal money it wouldn't have happened.

  • Wadisay

    I'll be damned, we're Republicans!"

    Possibly the money quote of the convention. You'll all be damned.

  • Callyson

    Wait–I'm seeing two messages: "we built it" and "we can change it." Doesn't the second one imply that they screwed up the first one?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    No, actually Bush built that.

  • Guppy

    "Susahhhhna," just like there must only be one L!

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Big patriotic Dr. Seuss hats are big, tonight.

  • TribecaMike

    So is this that Paul Ryan guy I keep hearing about?

  • Negropolis

    So, I take it Tuesday is "Diversity Night" at the RNC? Perra, por favor.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Did it all without raising taxes…" Yeah but New Mexico's state auditor, if I'm not mistaken, is having their Finance Review under investigation for major misstated, bungled audits capable of costing the state millions.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I understand yet have a real problem with Republican Latinos.

  • Guppy

    "I waaaant you to want me…"

  • Callyson

    Here we go…on to Lyin' Ryan…

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    She succeeded in saying "Exito" without having anyone leave. Maybe the GOP is making progress with Hispanics. Oh, Ryan! Time to watch for puddles in chairs…

  • TribecaMike

    That's funny, he doesn't look Chicanita.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh look, it's Paul Ryan. You know how Huckabee was joking about President Obama never having a real job? Well this guy started out working for John Boehner and then won a seat in Congress himself. Whole career right there.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Cue the Munster's theme….

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Ben Qualye is running for VP?

    • TribecaMike

      When last seen, he was running towards the solace of his daddy's arms.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        His job is easy. He just has to do whatever Jan Brewer's puppet masters tell him to do. They even make him the sponsor of bills he's never heard of.

  • spareme

    Well, here comes this douche.,

  • Callyson

    Who was that guy in the boxes who looked irritated when Ryan accepted the VP nomination? Sure looked like Marco Rubio…

  • Guppy

    Opportunity for the young, security for the old, and denying the fact that the former will eventually become the latter.

  • catholic4condom

    Hey Susanna Martinez, this is Uhmerica guess what language we speak here?

    I love how .350 Smith and Wesson got a standing ovation

  • Negropolis

    Paul, it's past your bedtime. Where is this boy's mother?

  • Callyson

    "without excuses"

    No excuses, just plenty of flip flops…

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Zoe Dechan-hell-no.

  • Guppy

    I've never seen opponents so silent about their record (unless we're talking tax records)…

    • BarackMyWorld

      They are pretty silent about that, too.

  • bumfug

    Watching NBC, Tom Brokaw losing it – "Ryan's 42, that means when he was born Reagan was in second year of his presidency." New math?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Tom thinks WW Two, The Big One ® was at lunch time.

  • Arborista

    Mitt's whole life has been preparing him for this moment!

    It's all downhill from this point on…

  • Negropolis

    Paul, I've never seen a candidate so sad, trying so desperately to appear as a human being.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    …I was born in Boehner's bar. And they threw me out because I wasn't orange.

    • TribecaMike

      Heh!

  • Callyson

    THIS is rich…Ryan wants to go on about attack ads? Does this mean he'll be disavowing the right wing superpacs now? Looking forward to *that* speech…

  • Guppy

    America doesn’t need a runaround, it needs a turnaround! Or a Roundabout

    Dammit, America needs a reacharound!

  • sudsmckenzie

    His dreams aren't as empty
    as his budget seems to be.

    • bobbert

      Paul Ryan do.

      EDIT: I'm pretty sure this was supposed to be a reply to a different comment. If I'm this drunk, why am I not enjoying it more?

  • TribecaMike

    Ryan looks like a third-string quarterback who retired with injuries before he got a chance to prove himself on the gridiron.

    • mayor_quimby

      You mean back up kicker who washes jock straps to stay on the team.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh my goodness — that is the most Aryan family since The Sound of Music.

    • Serfville

      "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you!"

  • gullywompr

    So a congressman only has a two year term, right? That means Ryan's congressional term is up this election, right? He's not going to be Vice President, so is he simultaneously running for his Congressional seat in Wisconsin? Is his name on the ballot twice in Wisconsin?

    • bobbert

      Yup.

    • Biff

      Yes, but for once, both sides do that…

  • catholic4condom

    Condi said she feared follow-on attacks in September 2001? What was she thinking? Al-Qaida is the USSR starting WWIII?

    Condi built a pile of rubble that was Iraq. I destroyed this!

    • bobbert

      Why the fuck didn't she fear the original attack?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    OK I think finally found the guy more horrible than RMoney, now that I've finally heard him, packing roughly 24 lies into two minutes.

    • Xan

      I'm amazed anyone can listen to him. I'm following just by reading the comments, because if I turn on the tube I'll throw something through it and I can't afford a new one.

    • reliefsinn

      Did he just say he wanted to "live up to their trust" – talking about his hometown?
      Can someone translate that into Engleesh, pleeze?

  • Callyson

    That one Ryan boy ran the fuck out of the box when the cameras pointed his way. Can't blame the poor kid…

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Is he gonna squirt?!

  • Serfville

    Sheldon Addleson via Las Vegas is your Daddy eh Paul Ryan?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Yes, bootstraps are hard to locate as the child of a "small town lawyer."

  • ProgressiveInga

    Weird affect, this one.

  • Arborista

    OH, ISN'T HE SOOO DREAMY!!! (Swoon.)

  • TribecaMike

    Don't any of these schmucks have parents who are still living? Catholicism will do that to ya.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    And then you USED the SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS due to you when your father died TO GO TO COLLEGE!

  • Negropolis

    Wait, hold the fuckin' phone, is Scott Walker…crying?

  • Biff

    SCOTT WALKER IS A FUCKING CRYBABY@!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    R.U.R. (Rand's Universal Robots)
    -Caryl Chessman

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "Silent about record?" You mean like your votes for the Bush deficit, and Akin's uterine witchdoctor-y? Yes? Paul?

  • ttommyunger

    Think they'll mention the two wars tonight? Right after their glowing tribute to George W. Bush, right?

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Oh, that's just "getting old," all that stuff from 2000-2008.

      • Crank_Tango

        Yeah, stop living in the past, we have Reagan to look forward to tomorrow!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    SHIT, I missed why Scott Walker had a big ol Bohner-style tear streak.

    Was Ryan talking about Wisconsin Cheese?

    Somebody tell me this weaknessssss.

    • mayor_quimby

      Fuck, I thought that was Gov. Cheesedick, what a fuckin wuss.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Yeah. I saw Roger & Me in 1989 at the theatre, you fucking jerk.

  • Callyson

    "My home state voted for President Obama"

    Yes, and it will do so again:

    http://elections.huffingtonpost.com/pollster/2012

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Obama CLOSED THAT PLANT! Thanks Barack Obama, you filthy bastard.

    • vodkamuppet

      Before he was even president! Now that's what I call overreach.

    • bobbert

      Did the lying fuck use that comprehensively debunked lie AGAIN?

      They're convinced their base will vote against the black guy, no matter how delusional they get, aren't they?

  • Guppy

    Didn't this plant closure thing get debunked already?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      With pictures, if not sworn statements. But that's not accepted by FOX.

    • Xan

      There you go again, bringing facts into the discourse. What are you, some kind of communist?

    • mayor_quimby

      Yes, he blames the Bush auto bailout he voted for for the plant closure that happened after Bush left office. Therefore, Obama's fault.

  • obfuscator2

    ummm… didn't that janesville plant close before barry was sworn in? christ.

  • gullywompr

    THe fucking GM plant lie again! YOU FUCK!!!

  • Arborista

    Ryan has an impressive, multi-octave whine.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Why don't you tell the good people about your views on poverty and Ayn Rand, Paul?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh, Paul Ryan — it's president Obama's fault that that plant in your hometown was closed. Even if it was closed under Dubya.

  • LePiston

    Why are his eyes so bloodshot?

    • mayor_quimby

      Part Vampire.

  • Biff

    SOLYNDRA! DRINK!

  • Negropolis

    Someone want to tell Paul that the stimulus was something like one-third tax cuts?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "Gold plated connections"? That would be Donald Trump.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Oh he's playing the Solyndra card? Oh no he diiiiiiiin't….

  • Callyson

    "Without a change in leadership, why would the next four years be any different than the last four years?"

    1. Obama now knows better than to hope for bipartisan cooperation and will no longer pursue it with Reeps who care more about getting elected than serving the nation.

    2. The American people see through the Reeps, whose approval ratings are in the tank…

  • BathroomGoblin

    Spent 800 billion dollars and Solyndra is the worst you could come up with?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The stimulus was cronyism at its worst? Does he remember Halliburton? KBR? No-bid contracts? What a sniveling little shit.

    • BathroomGoblin

      Dusty Fogo, Jack Abramoff anyone?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      If it was cronyism, how come Republicans got so much of the money? The tea-bagging Congressional candidate in my district had his campaign funded by a daddy whose construction company is operating on stimulus money. How's that for irony?

      • bobbert

        Irony is still as dead as Breitbart.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      All this talk of electrocuted soldiers is just "getting old."

  • obfuscator2

    is he talking about the stimulus or the tarp he voted for? so hard to tell.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    HW: Borrowed, spent and wasted is no way to go through a presidency, son.

  • obfuscator2

    cool, like "hands across america" for broke-ass motherfuckers.

  • Callyson

    You would think the president would make job creation the first order of business

    Yeah, well, you would think the Congress that promised to focus like a laser on that task would do *something* about it…

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Booo Healthcare, Boooo! Get Big Government out of my preexisting condition.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Obamacare is 2,000 pages! How can anyone read a 2,000 page bill?! It's physically impossible! Why, that's almost four times as long as Mitt Romney's tax return!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Are you sure?

    • bobbert

      I am so sick of that shit. I've read the fucking bill. Admittedly I skimmed the bits dealing with changes to Native American health care, but the "2000" pages of legislative format is about 750 pages as a hardback book, and there have been more than 750 days since it passed. A page a day isn't that much of a challenge.

      • reliefsinn

        Ditto. That's about as long as one of the later Harry Potter books. I seem to recall kids as young as 6 or 7 standing in line to get one, and people on blogs stating that they had read it in as little as 12 hours.
        Shows you how weak that "party" is, but you know what they say about people who keep repeating the same things over and over.

  • obfuscator2

    "booooooo! a law ensuring jobless people during a recession won't die in the street! boooooo!!!"

  • TribecaMike

    Newt Gingrich's ghost written novels have no place in a free country, bub.

    • Arborista

      Free country = free markets = outsourcing.

      Why do you hate America, bud?

  • rocktonsam

    I hope he talks about how Janesville Craig H.S. hated Beloit Memorial HS because Beloit's teams were all black

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Do you think he'll tell us he went to the same college as Ben Raplisburger?

  • Serfville

    The Permanent Scowl Ryan is now taking Health Care away from sick poor people! Good one, Nazi jack off

  • Guppy

    Socialized medicine has no place in a free country! Tomorrow night, the GOP announces their plans to liberate Canada and the UK.

  • gullywompr

    You hear that grunting he keeps doing?

    • Biff

      I think he's working his abs up there.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Just like Mittens will repeal Romneycare, or yeah…

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    That "borrowed, spent and wasted" stimulus also bought 3-4 million jobs, asshole.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      That money could have gone to Billionaires!!

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    ….AND he hates your Grandma…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Here we go— SCARE GRANDMA!!!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Don't worry. Rob Portman put Grandma to sleep.

  • IonaTrailer

    Get the gubbermint outta my Medicare!

  • Auntie_Spinster

    What are those weird self-satisfied grunts Ryan exudes? The sound of him digesting the poor folks he ate for dinner?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    OMG THE FUCKING MEDICARE 700B LIE. You know, that thing that's ALSO in RYAN'S plan?

  • bumfug

    Can't believe this lying-ass bowl of fuck brought up the GM plant that closed before Obama was president. #FuckYouRyan #GreasyLittleBastard

  • TribecaMike

    Bobby Driscoll, is that you? http://neverpedia.com/wiki/images/thumb/7/79/Bobb

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      The only film I ever saw him in was a b-grade flick on a Sunday sub-classic tv broadcast wherein he gets punched in the back of a moving car by an adult, until unconscious.
      It hurt to watch that as a kid, but here his doppelganger ought to make an ideal substitute just fine!

  • Biff

    How about those tax cuts the rich fucks didn't ask for, Ryan?

    Fuck you.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    You know, I'm not really that violent, but I'd like to cut that widow's peak out of his head with a paring knife. Very slowly. And feed it to him for lying to elderly widows.

    • Guppy

      With votes!

      • bobbert

        Well, okay. That too.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      After your finished, let me knock that smirk off his face. Please?

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      now i have to go watch inglorious bastards again.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh no — President Obama cut money from Medicare (middlemen). It's like he stole it right out of the mouths of the people Paul Ryan wants to use that savings to give the rich a tax cut to.

    • LibertyLover

      Yeah cutting waste, fraud and abuse is so bad for Medicare

      • bikerlaureate

        The stereotypical faults of Big Gubmint must be protected from the commie President who wants to correct the stereotypical faults of Big Gubmint.

  • Negropolis

    Okay, I'm going to have to turn the channel, I will not abide with this Medicare lie. This is a bridge way, way, WAY too far.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I'm in awe that you could handle it THIS long.
      (I can't watch at all. Even the comments on my (beloved) Wonkette are making me feel stabby,)

  • Callyson

    "an entitlement we didn't ask for"

    Um, no, actually, HCR was a big hit on the 2008 campaign trail, and it did not lose appeal until your side started spreading lies about it. And to this day, when asked about the actual provisions of Obamacare, a majority of Americans support it still…

  • Guppy

    KEEP THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY MEDICARE!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Portman may be white, but he says "honkey please" better than any other Republican.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "the biggest threat…" i.e. We'll keep that one's hands off your right to accessible, affordable health care! What a twunt.

  • obfuscator2

    "you've got alzheimer's? here's your voucher. good luck shopping for the best plan. better staple the voucher to your arm so you don't forget where you put it."

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Please g-d let him be just like this when he debates Ol' Joe.

    • Arborista

      October 11th seems so far away…

  • Auntie_Spinster

    "We did all the little things that made her feel loved…like tickle her pettouti."

  • Callyson

    You bet we'll win this debate…I can't wait until Obama exposes Mittens for the two faced phony he is…

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    OH I SEE. They can still demonize Big Government if they pretend that Medicare is being destroyed by democrats. You WANT to talk about privatizing Medicare? Please do, but you've gotta tell the truth this time you little weasley fuck.

  • coolhandnuke

    I like that 3M Command Strip land mine ad, that has popped me like 300 times already, more than I like Paul Ryan.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Seriously, they're PERFECT for each other.

    • TribecaMike

      Clones of a feather schlock together.

  • rocktonsam

    is this shit going to over in time for the daily show? otherwise, I'm GOING TO BED

    • IonaTrailer

      Daily Show was fucking hilarious last night

  • LibertyLover

    What a lying sack of….

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    OH—- AAA credit rating….

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Ryan: We will saved Medicare by Vulture it, I mean voucher it.

  • IonaTrailer

    It's called THE AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT you little putz!

  • TribecaMike

    Lie, pause, lie, pause, lie, pause. At least wink a few times, dweeb, you're boring!

    • Serfville

      I'd like to smack him upside his widows peak. He eats kittens for Brunch. Oh, & he takes health care and food away from poor sick children & elders

    • Auntie_Spinster

      You left out the self-satisfied grunts.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    By "they" he doesn't mean "us" meaning the House Republicans…

  • BarackMyWorld
  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Paul Ryan, I really don't think the party that wants to bring back Dubya's policies should really be talking about "yesterday's wind."

    • Arborista

      I dunno- this guy seems to know about wind.

  • BathroomGoblin

    When Bush was asked about his mistakes, he said he didnt make any.

    • Biff

      Traded Sosa, he said. Fuck him, too.

  • vodkamuppet

    Did he just bring up the credit rating? Are you fucking kidding me?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Just keep the gubbermint out of my medicare!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I think I just saw Thomas Sowell in one of those ten-gallon hats. Didn't know he was from Texas.

    • TribecaMike

      I thought he was from the planet Moonie.

    • Xan

      Liked it better before you corrected it, because apparently Anthony Sowell was a serial killer.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I can't wait for ol' Gaffey Joe to school you in the debates, son.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Hey, Ryan welcomes that debate. So ideally he won't know what hit him.

    • bobbert

      Because he can speak in complete sentences, Ryan comes across pretty well when he's allowed to lie uninterruptedly. We'll see how it goes when rebuttal happens.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    "It's four years and we're not rich again yet!"

  • spareme

    I can't stand this fucking guy,

  • LibertyLover

    Know what we are really missing, Ryan? A Congress that doesn't obstruct job creation.

  • Negropolis

    Assumed resonsibility for a Congress who's stated mission is to fuck him whenever they get the chance?

    No.

    and if by some off chance he ever does take responsibility for you shitting on him, he will have lost my vote.

  • IonaTrailer

    A debt crisis caused you your party?

  • Callyson

    Yes, it *is* time for the Reeps to assume responsibility, Ryan…not holding my breath on that one…

    OK, my dog is giving me the pleading eyes, and my temper can take no more of Ryan's shifting blame from the obstructionists in his party. BBL…

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Hey, Ryan: Tell us more about defunding FEMA and the National Weather Service.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      And refusing to appoint management to ATF, then blaming everything in the drug war on them.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I wonder how dry his mouth is.

    • Arborista

      I wonder how many more lies are going to come out of it.

      • bobbert

        AOT,A

        Sorry.

    • Negropolis

      Must be pretty damn dry after all of the Kockh-dick he sucked to get on the ticket.

  • IonaTrailer

    Let's not talk about the two unfunded wars. the auto bailout, the housing crisis….

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    yeah but at least the germans got health care, just sayin

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Sorry, Ryan, people never forgot that Hoover saw the onset of the Great Depression. We'll stop blaming Bush when his two wars, massive deficit, and Great Recession are things of the past, not until.

  • LibertyLover

    A debt program that you voted for every program.

    You stopped that Commission, sweetie.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    What was wrong with your dad?

    • Arborista

      Obamacare killed him retroactively.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Paul Ryan is part of the precipitate.

  • obfuscator2

    apparently his dad only spoke in cliches and addressed him as "son", which is weird.

  • Wadisay

    Paul Ryan is a smug little prick.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Does Ryan mean 'Declare War on Debt' by sending in the troops to get of poorz.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    …"solve this nations economic problems by gutting every social program there is and cutting Mittens taxes…"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "We need to stop spending money we don't have." Right after all his bullshit about how we need to be creating jobs. Guess what, asshole — all the economic recoveries in modern times have been based on the federal government spending money to employ people because industry can't or won't. But you probably know that already, and are just lying about it right now, right?

  • glamourdammerung

    Did Ryan blame the 2008 crash on President Obama?

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      And again, I think, the closing of hometown Janesville's GM truck plant, which happened under Bush in 2008.

    • Guppy

      Give him enough time and he'll get around to blaming the shelling of Ft. Sumter on Obama.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Wooo!! I like to work for 9.00 an hour!! Yay!! Jobs!!!

  • Biff

    Ryan's mom reminds me of Jan Brewer, and not in a good way.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    men and women who create jobs = mittens
    men and women who need jobs = you filthy slobs

    job creators first!

  • BathroomGoblin

    What's with that flag pin? Is that the logo for the Republic of Gilead? Christian Embassy? Playgirl?

  • Guppy

    "Mom was 50 when my dad died, when I was 16."

    Um… are we sure he's Catholic?

    • Biff

      Dad was the lucky one, he got the fuck away from his whiny and scowly kid and wife.

      • Guppy

        If there's a Catholic who's 34 years older than one of her kids, and said kid doesn't have at least a dozen siblings, Cardinal Dolan wants to have a chat with her.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    more vag licking on day 2. they can't get enough…

  • Serfville

    You let your Mom take a 40 mile bus ride everyday after your Dad died? Permanent Scowl is nasty.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      His mom built that bus.

      • Serfville

        "Awww She's a brick house"…..

  • larrykat

    Wait a minute, does Ryan have lipstick on his teeth?

    • Serfville

      Chris Crisco had bright pink lipstick on last night to match his pink tie. Must have the same make-up artist from last night. Liberace

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    **grunt heh ** yeah, what did your party do for Pell Grants?

  • IonaTrailer

    Ryan, your mother has bigger balls than you'll ever have.

  • gullywompr

    How many businesses have YOU started, Ryan?
    How many have you managed?
    Been employed by?

    Same number as the percentage of the African-American vote you will get.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    This crowd is on fire for a bunch of incoherent, contradictory and plain wrong attacks

    Color me surprised.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    mom and pop hardware stores? ha.

  • spareme

    So, what was Mom's small business? Although I do applaud you for saying nice things about her. Please don't be using her for self-fulfillment.

    • gullywompr

      Apron strings.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "She got on a bus every day and rode 40 miles to Madison." Because your rich lawyer daddy left her a big pile of dough, Paul. You were never middle class, and by your own standards you've never had a job your whole life. Give it up.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      His mom rode one of those socialist bus thingys?

  • LibertyLover

    And the Big Bad government helped her out with SSN payments and helped you with minor benes…

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Ryan, didn't your mom and you get Social Security money to, like help you out when you needed help?

    What would Ayn Rand Say?

    • Arborista

      She would say, "Me, too".

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Precicely.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      She'd say, "My Social Security is under the name Anna O'Connor. Whatdaya mean YOU CAN'T FIND MY CHECK?!"

  • TribecaMike

    Behind every small business is a huge corporation building an outlet to destroy them.

  • TribecaMike

    Behind every small business is a huge corporation building an outlet to destroy them. They built that!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Extra p for that, if I could.

  • Arborista

    Just heard a rousing cheer from the teevee in the other room. Did Ryan just pull a gun?

  • Biff

    Oh for fuck's sake. 9 more minutes, and I turn on Jon Stewart.

  • larrykat

    Watching Ryan trying to rustle up a crocodile tear for his ol' mammy just makes me want to fucking hurl.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    this guy sounds terrible on radio.

    weird.

    • Negropolis

      He ain't any better of television, let me tell you. Really shows you the limits of being photogenic. In my opinion, Palin played far better.

  • spareme

    Why is it the Republicans keep running some of the sorryest sacks of shit for VP?

  • IonaTrailer

    This campaign built their entire platform around a non-sequitor about the contribution of government to the private sector. If this is all they got, rots o ruck.

    I hope Obama runs a lot of his campaign around Akins little comment too.

  • TribecaMike

    Jack Kemp is rolling in his grave, you idiot.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Jesus fucking Christ, you'd think all that P90X would eliminate that weird grunting he does in between phrases.

    • gullywompr

      Whey protein is hard to keep down.

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Paul: Four more wars! Four more wars!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    FOUR MORE WARS! FOUR MORE WARS! FOUR MORE WARS!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    oh boy i don't want paul ryan to be anywhere near the 'greatest force for liberty'.

    • bobbert

      Seriously, do you think any of the assholes at the convention have even visualized the possibility of Mittens or Lyin' being in charge of the nuke football?

  • catholic4condom

    Dr. Ryan, if the patient gets chemotherapy it will limit tumor growth.
    Paul Ryan: "I choose GROWTH!"

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Actually mean corporate cash hordering executive is on my side, all rest of you, 'F*#@& you'

  • Biff

    USA!USA!USA!DRINK!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Boo-S.A! Boo-S.A.!" oh wait, right. "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

  • larrykat

    Ryan just is not a very good speaker – he can't deliver the applause lines with any punch at all. Pretty boring, just repeating the same talking points over and over like all of the other robots. And when he tries to make a point, he mugs every time. Looooooooser.

  • LibertyLover

    Romney better not come out. He'll be a buzz kill.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    It's in the convention rules that all speeches include at least one sloppy chant of "USA! USA! USA!"

    • catholic4condom

      You can't say just U!S!A! you have to say The Exceptional U!S!A!

  • LibertyLover

    I'm already against the next war, Ryan.

  • TribecaMike

    A Mormon and a Catholic walk into a tepid political convention…

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      and no one wakes up.

  • BathroomGoblin

    Who ordered the bag of dicks?

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Actually he was talking about lazy young black men living on the government dole and owing child support by multiple ex-girlfriends. Just using what Ryan visualize in his head.

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    "if you feel sad, no matter what for, please, I urge you, blame president obama"

  • Guppy

    "If you're feeling left out or passed by, you have failed! Bootstraps, motherfucker!"

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    wow i've only been listening for literally 3 minutes and now i can go back to the crap i was attempting to focus on when i was boycotting the convention and only reading wonkette.

    he's not very exciting.

  • Biff

    I used to have a sheep dog that grunted like that. It turned out to be cancer. Just sayin'.

  • obfuscator2

    ha haaaa mitt romney's vp accused someone else of being dull.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "If you're feeling left out or passed by, you have not failed — your leaders have failed you."

    But if we get elected and things still suck, it'll be your fault.

    • larrykat

      I thought these fuckers were the party of personal responsibility???!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      No, it will still be Obama's fault.

  • IonaTrailer

    "A government planned life" hahahahah

    As opposed to how you can just go die in the street or starve if you need help.

  • Callyson

    Just got back with the dog…he's *still* gabbing? Christ, get to the point!

    • bobbert

      C'mon, the audience already knows the point. He's white.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    I was on an American Journey. I WAS DRIVING THE WEENIE MOBILE!!1!

  • obfuscator2

    "i could think for myself… that's when i decided for myself that i'd worship at the altar of ayn rand."

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    AND, you used your SOCIAL SECURITY DEATH BENEFITS FROM YOUR DAD TO PAY FOR TUITION AT MIAMI U OF OHIO.

  • larrykat

    Brewers 3, Cubs 1! Yay! Ooh I think Ryan made a joke.

  • TribecaMike

    Oh look, he made a joke. What a rebel.

  • LibertyLover

    I decided to suck off the Government teat and get a Government job….

  • Biff

    Hahaha, rMoney has a Muzak mix on his ipod

  • larrykat

    Note to Angus Young: Tell this lying bastard he cannot play your music anymore.

  • Negropolis

    Hardy har har. Mitt's totally old enough to be my (uncool) dad. har har har

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Gee Golly, he called Mittens a square. "And I'm the cool one…but seriously folks, Mittens and I are both assholes…"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Ooooh, Paul Ryan's so cool he listens to bands whose members aren't even all dead yet. Street cred!

    • Arborista

      Wall Street cred, maybe.

    • zumpie

      And they all hate him, just like Tom Morello does.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Soon you have to pay to use the bathroom because public restroom is SOCIALISM.

  • LibertyLover

    And none of those bands approve of you!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Being successful in business is a good thing, particularly when it's all you care about.

  • vodkamuppet

    Is it just me or is he kind of bombing on the applause lines? The loons seem to need some coaxing to get whipped into a frenzy.

  • TribecaMike

    Upgraded credit ratings are great. Employment not so much.

  • gullywompr

    We go to church, whereas Barry's a Muslim.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    "In any church, we're just rich."

  • catholic4condom

    Paul Ryan listens to AC'DC and Zeppelin? When I was growing up those were stoner bands.

  • Biff

    KEEP YOUR $1.5 BILLION US DOLLARS OUTTA MAH OLYMPICS!

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    oh my i just can't WAIT for next week.

    there is so much rebuttal time to be had.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I just went to check on my old ma to see what she thought of Ryan. But she's watching the soap operas she taped while my brother took her to the Diamondbacks game today. A losing baseball team and The Bold and the Beautiful: more interesting than Paul Ryan. Take that, asshole.

  • catholic4condom

    Whatta Man Whatta Man whatta mighty fine man!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I think you mean "a mighty WHITE man."

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    "In every Pothole there is Hope!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I wanna kick you in the dick.

  • Toomush_Infer

    You can't see Condi's eyes and Ryan's are completely transparent – it's almost like they have totally convinced themselves of their own delusionary goals and histories….

  • Negropolis

    Paul Ryan better get used to Congress, 'cause his ass is going to be their for a very long time.

    • Biff

      It would be sweet to see his ass kicked in both elections.

      • Negropolis

        I know. Poor Janesville. They've already suffered enough.

  • TribecaMike

    "The lord of life"? Was that a Peter Jackson reference?

  • larrykat

    Lord of Life? Is this from the next Game of Thrones book? Is he from Westeros?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Argh! Gingrich with his Lizard Person wife!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh shit — now the sniveling bastard is gonna preach. Fetus worship!

    • TribecaMike

      Stand back, he's gonna breach!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I would really like to baptize him, gratuitously, with, Maker's Mark.
      Well as a God-fearin' Cathlick he at least couldn't argue with the name.

  • vodkamuppet

    Cognitive. Dissonance. Overload. Bzzzzzzzzz

  • Guppy

    Rights come from our Creator.

    Government protects rights.

    Ryan wants to eliminate government.

  • larrykat

    I hate to say it but Palin was a lot more exciting than this shitheel. Blow me Paul.

  • obfuscator2

    i TOTALLY remember when god wrote the emancipation proclamation and passed the voting rights act.

  • IonaTrailer

    "Those who cannot defend or care for themselves" – like those corporations that are really people?
    Because the right to be a corporation comes from God!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Hey dumbass — your rights are innate — they did not come from god. Invoking the deity as an excuse to impose irrational, inhumane and unworkable arbitrary moral values on the populace is what the founding fathers wrote the First Amendment to prevent.

    • TribecaMike

      Why did the founding fathers hate democracy?

    • UnholyMoses

      This comment is to notify you, Mr. SAYITWITHWOOKIES, that I will be copying your comment into a Notepad file, and then pasting it to the FB page, editorial, and or blog of those who, and/or that, support Paul "I Am the Master of Assholery and Dumbfuckery because AYN RAND SED SO BITCHEZ" Ryan.

      That is all …

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Cut & paste away!

    • obfuscator2

      god wins ww2, but he also lets ronald reagan die of alzheimer's.

      god's kind of a capricious sort, apparently. good thing he's omniscient, though. his omniscience allows me the freedom to not think critically about anything ever.

  • Serfville

    Whiney Nasal Nazi

  • TribecaMike

    "Read my lips, no new blah."

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    You know, I bet when they're on that tour bus, and Ryan's all coming off a P90X AC/DC high, jacked full of testosterone, frothing about the boner he has for Ayn Rand—I bet when he stalks up to Mittens all glistening with sweat, Mittens squirms a little in his magical underwear, simply terrified of this young political rock star that's everything he's not.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Ewwwwww. But I gave you a thumb anyway.

  • catholic4condom

    The Safety Net safe again?!

    • RedStatePinko

      We had to destroy the safety net in order to save it.

  • IonaTrailer

    Urp.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Ugh, cover band Zeppelin? Really?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Really? Which song?

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        Rock and Roll, no singing.

  • Guppy

    The surviving members of Led Zeppelin apparently also got their cash up front.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Nah, it wasn't them, or their recording, it was slightly different (at least, so it seemed) and had no lyrics, so suck it, suckers!

      • Guppy

        You didn't write that!

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

          Curses, foiled again. I will console myself with a small business loan.

  • obfuscator2

    LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED, PARTY PEOPLE! P90X! FEEL THE BURN!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    In any event, it's utterly consistent that a budgetary fraud would hype a band that stole all its early songs.

  • TribecaMike

    Just release the balloons already.

    • Arborista

      They used up all the helium on the blimp yesterday.

      Oh, wait, that was Gov. Sammiches, so never mind…

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    wow that was pretty fucking bad.

  • Wadisay

    That stage looks like a sports bar.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      So does Mitt Romney's living room apparently, the production guys were going on about their instructions to turn a cavernous sports arena into a living room.

  • Negropolis

    I'm totally jonesing for some Baritone Barry, now.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Now I've got a bad taste in my brain.

  • catholic4condom

    Honey Boo Boo is scheduled to speak tomorrow right before Mittens.

    • TribecaMike

      That is so hawt. I'll try to remember to bring my sledge.

    • Negropolis

      Verily, a dollah makes Mitt hollah!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Oh that Greek Othodox shaman has an outstanding hat.

    • Arborista

      Wait- I thought we were trying NOT to be Greece?

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    I think Ryan got the same speech backstage from Ed Gillespie and Mitt himself as Chris Christie last night. "You're not the fucking star of this show, got that? Not even tonight, when it's "Your" night in finger quotes. Got it, punk? Now go out there and give it good, but don't you dare outshine the boss. Understood?"

    • TribecaMike

      It's no coinkydink that Hucklebee said, "How's about that Ann Romney, heh, isn't she a doll?" in his best Bob Hope-ese.

  • Guppy

    He's not praying in Greek? Sell-out.

  • Serfville

    CBS Classic Scott Pelley post Ryan speech: "Paul Ryan, sounding every bit like the Chairman of the House Budget Committee" Translation: BORING SOULESS ASSHOLE. Meep Meep Meep

  • BathroomGoblin

    David Brooks is just awful. Truly awful.

    • TribecaMike

      Compared to that dullard, mediocrity is avant-garde.

  • larrykat

    Do you think we can get to 1000 comments on this thread? Blah blah blah… fuck Ryan blah blah white people blah blah nailin' Palin…

  • IonaTrailer

    Back to my examination of the Romney-Ryan demographic -"Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo".

  • Guppy

    And then he doesn't even mention the father, the son and the holy spirit? That doesn't even pass Catholic muster! Are we sure this "Metropolitan" isn't a secret Muslim?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    What the fuck? Did I miss the "mystery guest?"

    • LibertyLover

      Tomorrow, hon. One more day of drinking.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And we're expected to stay conscious?

        • Arborista

          We are?

      • TribecaMike

        Just one more day? I was just getting in the fascist groove.

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        Thank you, dear. In this for the long pull.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    that was so bad chicago public radio just went to the 'third coast' discussing chicago accents.

    wtf?

  • TribecaMike

    I have to admit giving birth on stage was original.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you the Youngest Republican!

      • TribecaMike

        Just what the country needs, another Yaffer. Oiks.

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          Young Americans, Young Americans, they are the …

  • LiesAllDayLong

    Was that Ohio guy's name Clarence Mandingo?

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Al Sharpton is calling Ryan out on Maddow

    • TribecaMike

      I can't stand that guy, but he slammed Ryan and this whole farce good and plenty.

      • zumpie

        Yeah, why are O'Donnel, Matthews and Fineman all pissing themselves with terror over the fucking veep candidates's "awesome" (except not) speech. And freaking out over how team Obama better debunk his lies and fast???

        What am I missing?

  • larrykat

    Now the fun will be watching the talking heads taking this apart tomorrow morning, decrying the lack of excitement, etc. All they would have to do is read through these comments here which nailed the whole night with more insight than they can muster.

    • Arborista

      Excellent! I love the Talking Heads! Oh, wait…

  • Serfville

    Help Tweety is screaming, yelling & spitting on me Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  • No_Wire_Hangers

    Aaaaaaaand time for Honey Boo Boo…

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Tweety ❤ Condi!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Andrea Mitchell and Condi at the Limelight…
    The core of American strength is all about pink people!

    • TribecaMike

      Sucking up is fun!

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Speak for yourself, Sucker!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Am I the only one who thinks Condi seemed more vice-presidential? This dude's a not-for-prime-time fraud.

  • obfuscator2

    condi rice is pretty fucking idiotic for an ostensibly smart person. if she has any decency whatsoever, she should kind of hate herself.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    OMG! Tweety ❤ Condi! Conduit = Andrea Mitchell.
    Tweety wants a 'rejoinder' session with Condi.

  • Serfville

    Obama cold knocked out almost the entire deck of cards, Bin Laden, and with some kewl dog with titanium teeth. Go Andrea! (Mitchell interviewing Condi & bringing up Obama's mowing down the terrorists including Bin Laden. At that point Condi: "uhm, uhm, uhm."….)

  • obfuscator2

    walker is bringing up the gm plant in janesville FOR FUCK'S SAKE. he was probably crying tears of joy at the memory of union members losing their jobs.

  • spareme

    She knocked that out of the ball park. Seems to me that she said, yeah, I am supporting all this shit, but this is what I am really about. Must suck to be her.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    68 Across Become unconscious due to drinking and/or drugs

    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___________________________________________________

    • LibertyLover

      wonkettes?

    • TribecaMike

      As an avid puzzler, I'm digging your acrostics. Alas, the only semi-interesting anagram I can think of for acrostic is orca tics.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Wait, I should know this one. Blacks out?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Go, Rachel, Go!!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Bad digital hair day for Romney: he's on MySpace, Obama's on Reddit, then he 'buys' a Twitter trend while Barack Obama trends free.

  • SorosBot

    Man, I am so sad I went out like I do every Wednesday night and had to miss this shit.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Scott Walker just took a shit on MSNBC

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    ok mittens better bring some game cause the last two nights have splaned why dems are in the white house.

    what a fucking waste of time.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Now, at last, Reince Priebus understands perfectly the challenges of any nursing home Social Activities Director.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Bravo!

      • GeorgiaBurning

        bingo!

        • BerkeleyBear

          Gah!!!! I just needed one more racial dog-whistle to fill my board.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Jon Stewart on Priebus – if the tone he was going for was drunk asshole, he nailed it.

    • bikerlaureate

      He needs only to walk out onstage, stand there for a few seconds – and he'll get 39% of the popular vote, minimum.
      In a just and decent world, every lie would reduce that number.

      • Arborista

        Would reduce it by 1% each. Get into those negative numbers pretty quickly, too, also.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    I'll have the Condoleezza Rice with the Rince Preibus dressage.

    • LibertyLover

      I AM sorry, we are out of that particular selection. Could I interest you in a Chris Christie chilli dog?

      • Arborista

        Blech!

      • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

        I'm going to have to talk tough and spell out the hard truth for Chris Crisco… Krispy Kreme in Tampa closes at 2AM.

    • Pat_Pending

      Heavy on the mayo….

    • Biff

      On white bread?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I'm very familiar with the fact that death is inevitable, but come on.

  • TribecaMike

    You know you're in trouble when your main speaker is Mitt Romney.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Bring your neck pillows, travelers.

  • LibertyLover

    BTW… Nice live-blogging Jesse!!!

    • TribecaMike

      Hear hear!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Agreed!

    • Arborista

      Thank you for administering to us!

  • comrad_darkness

    I don't give two craps. I'm just here to help hit 1000.

    • UnholyMoses

      You too?!

      Hell, I came to this party so goddamn late all that's left is stale beer, pretzels that have most likely been on the floor … more than once … and some chick passed out on the lawn.

      Someone should take her home.

      To HER place.

      Sick bastads …

    • sudsmckenzie

      Say, you know who Else had a quota?

      • CapnFatback

        Someone-a in Italia who said-a something really pithy-a?

        • sudsmckenzie

          were at 1006, better put Hitler back in the box.

  • comrad_darkness

    Diseased and Depraved minds stalk this land . . . like . . . two giant . . . stalking things.

    • sudsmckenzie

      They will need a cunning plan.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    More important than this stupid convention, does anyone know a way to keep my kid's rooms neat – something that easily let's me hang stuff on their walls and doors – but can be removed without damaging them if I'm evicted or deported?

    • TribecaMike
      • coolhandnuke

        That 3M pop up ad driving me batshit for hanging the kids stuff neatly.
        Gravity boots for hanging the kids neatly.

        • Arborista

          Y'all get better ads than I do…

    • Guppy

      3M gave to Minnesota Forward; it's not just posters that they want to see hanged.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    It "takes a while," Ur, but this thread is worth reading. Outstanding, people!

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Only way I'd ever afford a Gibson.

  • ElPinche

    Page 12. Fuck yeah. The admins aren't looking! Bong hits for everyone .

    • UnholyMoses

      STOP BOGARTING!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Interception!

  • TribecaMike

    "Ya know folks, the other day the campaign bus stopped to refuel at Sheetz, and I went in there and couldn't find any bedding at all, not even 100 thread count. Ann and I never have this problem in Switzerland, but hey that's the kind of thing I love about this country, it's so irrelevant!"

  • bikerlaureate

    For some reason, these people LOVED the “ship sailing on yesterday’s wind” line.

    BREAKING – New wind
    for classic 19th Century American exceptionalism !

    • coolhandnuke

      The Amistad, the Mayflower and the Titanic are the wingnut's metaphoric armada, stuck in the doldrums…latitude 1850 longitude 100 BC.

  • UnholyMoses

    For some reason, these people LOVED the “ship sailing on yesterday’s wind” line.

    Yesterday's wind = Chris Christie

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      An ill wind blows from the swamps of Jersey.

      • UnholyMoses

        We now know where most of those 10 million lbs. of sludge from New York and New Jersey came from (the ones that killed that under water guy).

      • TribecaMike

        Talk about wetlands. Yikes!

    • Pat_Pending

      It takes a lot of petard to hoist a Christie.

      • UnholyMoses

        That's one q away from a comment deletion …

    • CapnFatback

      Yesterday's wind = Chris Christie

      An unfortunate result of yesterday's postspeech dinner of pasta arrabiata.

    • Arborista

      It's an evil wind that blows no good.

  • Arborista

    And your spittoons.

  • UnholyMoses

    BTW — If the right loves to make jokes about how Al Gore and Michael Moore are fat, what the hell do they really think about the man who is … the largest Governor in the World.

    'Cause, really. Dude needs a salad.

    And just one. Not the entire Applebee's salad bar.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      But, but, but … Democrats lack discipline. Republicans are just portly.

      • TribecaMike

        Medicinal sherry will do that.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Romney
    Ryan
    Right Wing
    Roadkill

    • Arborista

      Rogue
      Rascal
      Repugnance
      Revulsion

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Bill Mahr just made a joke on Leno [don't hit me!] about Romney Ryan Republican something — it's R-r-r-r! The sound a pirate makes when he robs you!
      RMoney, indeed.

  • sudsmckenzie

    OK, I'm pitching in to get us to 1,000.

    How many Japanese
    Nakajima B5N fighters (Kates) were lost in WW2?

    • Pat_Pending

      …uh, all of them Katie?

    • coolhandnuke

      All of them Katesy?

    • UnholyMoses

      All of them, Katie?

      • UnholyMoses

        And to think I thought I was first with that …

        I CAN HAZ GOOGLE FIBRE?

    • TribecaMike

      Twelve?

    • UnholyMoses

      42

    • fishskicanoe

      None. The Japanese are a very neat and punctilious people. The Kates weren't lost, they knew where all of them were. (Mostly at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.)

  • Biff

    Did Ryan finish strong? I couldn't take any more, besides, the Futurama season finale was on.

    • viennawoods13

      I gave up hours ago and have been watching Grimm on DVD and quilting. Probably a much better use of my time.

    • Limeylizzie

      That's where I am , watching Futurama , I couldn't watch any of these cunts, so I just read the whole thread. You people are magnificent.

  • TribecaMike

    Not surprisingly, the inevitable invasion of earth by Glaxorian Queen Pubina and her astro-lesbo army was totally ignored by the cretinous sheeple during tonight's joke of a session. I expect no less from the Dems next week.

    Ron Paul 4054! Audit the Galactic Federation!

  • BoroPrimorac

    Thank god I didn't watch that shower of shite.

  • UnholyMoses

    965 comments on the thread, 965 comments …

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Push "Reply" down,
      Write something down,
      966 comments on the thread.

      966 comments on the thread, 966 comments… [This could take a while.]

  • sudsmckenzie

    Ann Romney is washing her hair.

    • Biff

      Nice try, but that stench won't wash out.

  • Pat_Pending

    Chris Christie 2016: First Slitheen president.

  • CapnFatback

    I'm not going to search through 12 pages of comments to find out if anyone else pointed out that "Tad True" anagrams to "Tea Turd."

    I'm just going to assume that I am original and childishly brilliant.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      I think you're right, but Tad True is SO first page! As "Built That" is SO last night. Tonight it was.. We Can Change This?…something like that. First they're going to make it, then they're going to break it 'til it falls apart, falls apart [cue Rafalca].

  • coolhandnuke

    12:30 am. The Tampa bars and nightclubs have the world's ugliest nocturnal critters en masse.

    • TribecaMike

      They hold mass in Tampa bars past midnight? That would bring out the uglier elements. My advice is to order another round and light out to the Keys asap.

    • bikerlaureate

      We have been cheated of the local Craigslist M4M ads, which is like a tradition or something.

  • UnholyMoses

    Has anyone yet mentioned how difficult this thread is to masturbate to?

    'Cause it really isn't.

    Wait. What?

  • Arborista

    Do I get a Wonkette sticker if mine is the 1000th comment?

    • CapnFatback

      Stick her? You hardly post her!

    • Biff

      Sure. Just show up at the drinky thing in a town near you to collect.

    • CapnFatback

      No fair if you game the system . . .

      • Arborista

        I swear I didn't mean to.

        ETA: Besides I thought gaming the system only works if you're a Republican?

      • TribecaMike

        You can't con a con, unless you're a Koch then all bets are off.

    • sudsmckenzie

      Hitler!

      • Arborista

        Did you just call me Hitler? I'm confused.

      • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

        Godwin? [sinister Heh heh laugh]. Watch this!

        Marco.

  • Biff

    Made it! Good night.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    An evening of liveblogging should be divided up into multiple posts, like it used to be. 12 pages of comments is ridiculous.

    • CapnFatback

      Not to mention 12 pages of ridiculous comments!

    • Callyson

      The trouble with that is that unless they give a specific time on when the second post will be opened, I end up posting to the old one because I forget to check the main page.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    So, one thing that stuck with me from tonight is that they spent a LOT of time talking shit about Old Handsome Joe, and particularly to cast Biden as a buffoon. This is an extension of the whole "Replace Joe with Hillary" nonsense they were chanting earlier this month.

    It is also mistake for Republicans.

    This was honestly a lesson that they should have learned when Biden effortlessly eviscerated Lou Sarah in '08. Biden is a very capable politician. He's an experienced, fairly left-of-center Senator from a state that is very small, very densely populated, and very ideologically diverse. He's served for as long as he has by being very good at retail politics, very well acquainted with policy, and very adept at beating back challengers. I suspect his famous "gaffes" are mostly because he realizes that a lot of that stuff doesn't matter, as long as you have experience, ability, and can perform when it actually does matter. And I suspect that he also cultivates the buffoon image somewhat deliberately, as it gives him advantages he wouldn't otherwise have.

    Frankly, I've long suspected (since at least that VP debate, and definitely since the same-sex marriage "evolution") that Biden is perhaps even a more adept practitioner of political jujitsu than even Obama is. Mock at your own risk, Republicans.

    • Arborista

      He's also a white male.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      I think your analysis is spot on. Don't buy Biden's Breezy gaffe-ridden oldster act: his "Tell" is that he never misses the kill thrust of the epee' in debates. And he never Gaffes when Serious Business is afoot.

      I'm sure the R's Fixers and Handlers all know this – all this Biden trash talk is purely for the Groundlings- and Ryan will be well prepped for the debate. The Republican's problem is that they're so submerged in their synthetic world that they believe their own propaganda. Gingrich, case in point.

      • BoroPrimorac

        I think the cons are going to have a hard time with old Joe if they try to draw blood from him. No one wants to see a snarky, little shit talk down to your uncle or your dad.

    • UnholyMoses

      They should know by now to not fuck with Uncle Joe.

      Can't wait for the debates, as I might tune in just to watch Ryan get eviscerated.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Pawlenzeezzz’s: The daytime, sleepy, drowsy, almost-coma-like sedative.

    Have we made 1000 yet?

  • TribecaMike

    I didn't want nor ask for 100p. If you don't mind, I prefer to dwell amongst my own kind in the 99p.

    • Arborista

      If you'd told me that, I wouldn't have upfisted you so many times before. Too late now…

      • TribecaMike

        Elitist. You'll get yours soon. Oh will you ever. Then you'll see.

        Sob. Kill me.

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          You should feel good about this. My P-ness doesn't move.

          • TribecaMike

            I'd emit a kidney stone joke, but it's off to bed. Perchance to dream of Huckabee's prized sow, Gertrude.

    • sudsmckenzie

      Dont worry, just say some dumb shit during a live blog and your pee will go down.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Or a smart thing on the conservatard forums. They really hate that.

  • barto

    I salute you, Mr Livebloggerman. The humanity…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Man, some of you guys really watched all that? Eeeeesh.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Yet again the Daily Show nails it. Sam Bee gets multiple delegates to say no one can make choices for Mitt Romney on abortion, since he doesn't agree with the absolutist platform.

    Every 4 years I think they can't get any dumber, then they do.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Shit, I got a job interview at noon tomorrow via Skype. Gotta get rid of those dark undereye circles and tell those fuckers I'm all about multiplexing.

  • AznMom420

    I was wondering when kevin spacey would stop being so boring in this movie, and then I realized it was rince priebus.

  • lulzmonger

    1,046th!

    te;cr
    (too epic; can't read)

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Since we're living in parallel realities now, I'd rather watch Nicola Benedetti. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJia2-wfqk8

    • cheetojeebus

      wow

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Paul Ryan, eh?

    Enjoy defeat, Willard.

    • RadioBowels

      My favorite thing about this crap is they are saying that conservatardism has the new, exciting, fresh ideas. Obama is "out of gas" and his ideas have failed.
      Plus that $716 billion lie has to be trumpeted.
      Fuckers.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Did you miss the nice Puerto Rican ladies introduction?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed

  • misantropo

    "After four years of getting the runaround, America needs a reacharound!"

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    The Estimable Charlie Pierce Nails Ryan's act but good.

    Nixon, Mark II. Only prettier, with twice the sociopathy and none of the hardscrabble back story.

    • Biff

      "zombie-eyed granny-starver" never gets old!

  • Negropolis

    So, Romney's giving his own political eulogy, tonight, right? Bless his heart.

    **Orchestra cues Chopin's Funeral March**

  • UnholyMoses

    WE CAN HAZ NEW THREAD NOW?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Maybe we can start a Zombie Wonkette Thread?

  • anniegetyerfun

    I'm sure this has been said, but I am too tired/lazy to go through all 6 million comments, but the only way the US will become Greece is if everyone pays their taxes like Mitt Romney does. Which is to say, not at all.