Related video

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

237 comments

        1. Crank_Tango

          FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA! FUPA!

          1. OneDollarJuana

            FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP!

    1. TribecaMike

      The Sun Devils? HAH!!!* More like the Dust Devils. When the going gets tough, they fade away with the wind. Go U of A Wildcats!**

      *In memory of the late great Phyllis Diller. Miss you, babe.

      ** In memory of the late great UofA basketball coach and all-around good guy Fred Snowden, who broke the color barrier in Honky Land. Miss you, Fred.

      1. coolhandnuke

        Great teams–Bob Elliot, Al Fleming. Eric Money, Jim Rappis, Coniel Norman…
        I'm a graduate of the Fred Snowden basketball camp for boys.
        And my old man covered the 'Cats for the now defunct "Citizen" for 30 years.

        1. TribecaMike

          ;-) My first "grown up" job was doing paste-up mechanicals at the Citizen in the early seventies before I moved over to the Star. Right wing editorial stance, but a lot of really nice and helpful folks there who put up with a lot of youthful incompetence on my part. For years, I've been planning a novel about those days, but the only problem is I can't write fiction to save my arse.

          1. coolhandnuke

            I covered high school sports–while I was in high school–for the Citizen when my dad was sports editor. They canned me due to some nepotism clause.

    2. BlueStateLibel

      Ah, the ancient call of Cthulu to call the Great Old Ones from the watery depths of the Tampa Bay to feast on the corpulent flesh assembled at the convention hall tonight…

    1. Beowoof

      The dog chewed my nerf balls for throwing at the TV. So I really shouldn't watch or something may get broken.

  1. Arborista

    Rubio just said his job tonight is to introduce Romney in a way that highlights his success as a person, not just as a businessman.

    HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!!!

      1. Angry_Marmot

        He's seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ads on fire off the shoulder of Paul Ryan. He's watched C-notes glitter in the dark waters off the Cayman Islands. All those … moments, will be lost, in time, like tears… in the rain…

  2. TribecaMike

    In honor of this solemn occasion, I picked up a large bag of salted shelled peanuts. Feel free to dig in, ya Wonkers.

        1. mayor_quimby

          You're welcome, White America, in the fine tradition of jazz and rock and roll, only the classiest music to be ripped off.

          1. Steverino247

            You're not in on the joke, obviously. He supports the original artists by paying appropriate royalties and has great musicians in his band.

  3. Beowoof

    I haven't decided yet what this event should be called, LoserFest or Festival of Bullshit. However, I think I will look for a rerun of the Newsroom before I watch this nightmare. Well maybe some on Current as at least John Fugelsang will be on and as professional comedian, who would be more appropriate comment on this Diarrhea Dump on America.

    1. finallyhappy

      I saw some awful commercial today-I was passing by- in which old people claim the ACA will harm them and take away their health care choices- so maybe no one told them about Ryan's plan- use up those vouchers and die

  4. TribecaMike

    Huckabee's speech slamming the US's plan to join the League of Nations oughta be a real barnburnin' roofraiser. Yee-hah!

  5. kittensdontlie

    Tonight there will be a Ron Paul Video, so I imagine there will be the obligatory warning for those young impressionable R-souls to turn away from the teevee…

  6. barto

    Shit, did I mss the part where Christie helicopters in and then gets in an SUV for the remaining 100 yard trip to the podium?

    1. cheetojeebus

      I visualized some sort of goldfoil covered robotic spider thing with a bucket in the center with Christie poured in, walking above all the little people to the podium. A small laser gun mounted on the bottom to blast anyone who gets 'smart' with him. You know, 'cause it's a special event.

  7. Mittens Howell, III

    Breaking: Gov. Christie just ate all the convention canapes, none left for Mitt Romney.

  8. Toomush_Infer

    Based on last night, could we begin live posting now and be done with it by 8:00 Eastern Daylight Time?…. I'm an oldz and will be drunk soon, but am hoping not to miss anything important….(I only stay up for the Maddow lure)….

  9. Mittens Howell, III

    (Overheard)

    Romney speech writer #1: "When you prick me, does sawdust not fall from my limbs?"

    Romney speech writer #2: "Keep that in–the humans will like that."

  10. natoslug

    I just got a free bottle of wine today, so I can only watch until I'm done drinking. (checks watch . . . ) well fuck, I'm done. Wake me if I miss anything sensible.

  11. LibertyLover

    Last night, I waited and waited until someone mentioned G.W. Bush. I never got to pop the cork on my wine bottle.

    THAT's not gonna happen again.

    1. Arborista

      'Change' is apparently tonight's catch-phrase, but if you don't want to drink that much, you could also listen for commentators to use the word 'humanize' to refer to how folks are trying to present Mitt to the public.

      'Wonk' is a word being used to describe Ryan, so 'family man' is a phrase that could get that cork popped…

      Any other predictions for good drinking words/phrases?

      1. LibertyLover

        Might get to drink every time someone refers to the debt clock…

        St. Ronnie's name might require more than one bottle.

        Deficit, Medicare, Entitlements…. are all good choices…

  12. Arborista

    Anyone else as impressed as I am by how effectively the p-nut throwing incident was hushed up? If these were delegates/elected officials I think folks have a right to know.

    1. finallyhappy

      You can't just get into the convention(or at least not the Democratic one). You need to have credentials(that is a loose term for this crowd)- someone does know who they are and I think Rush and Sean should just fess up now.

  13. no_gravity

    There's a bunch of episodes of Family Guy and the Big Bang Theory on tonight on TBS, I think I'm going with that.

  14. BlueStateLibel

    I thought this thing was over by now?

    Also, I like how the black lady is laughing at Dubya in that photo – the flag was probably of some cheap transparent material made in China by Bain-offshored workers and she could she see he was holding it upside down.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Woman in the black dress: "OMG, he really is as dumb as they say!"
      Henry Kissinger's lost twin: "Why is everybody staring and pointing at me?"

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Could be Babs the Younger … in which case she already knows he's an idiot, and is thinking "Christ, dad, not again!"
          And that is Henry the K, and his laugh-a-minute wife Nancy.

  15. Mittens Howell, III

    Mission Accomplished!

    Government operatives are busy removing the "XXX Strip Joint–Welcome to Tampa, RNC!" signs from the front of the FEMA detention camp sites.

  16. kittensdontlie

    Tonight is all about repairing the GOP brand, with the convocation to be given by Ishwar Singh, a Sikh leader, or as "Mitt Romney….mistakenly referred to Sikhs as “sheiks” when speaking about the(temple)shooting." That mitten didn't fall far from the bush, they all smell oil money everywhere.

  17. rickmaci

    So, will they still be selling peanuts at the concession stands inside the arena tonight?

    I want the trademark for an item I would like to sell at the Dem Convention. Bags of ReNutlicans. Pic of Twitt Romoney in his Bain suit with bills sticking out all over on the cover of the package.

  18. Callyson

    I assume you're talking 9 Eastern time, which will be 6 for us left coasters? If so, count me in!

  19. TribecaMike

    I've seen the results of the poll question at the top right of the page asking for Wonkette readers' ages, and ya know what? We're getting too old for this shit.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Christ … did you see the word salad she spewed out about McCain and the "liberal media"? Still crazy after all these years.

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      Sarah's fb post translated:
      "Waaahhh! No one's paying attention to me during the GOP convention…not even Fox News!"

    1. TribecaMike

      Meanwhile, NY's Cardinal Dolan aka "The Pedophile Hider & Abider" is doing his thing at both the Repug and Dem conventions. Yeesh.

  20. Antispandex

    Hanging the flag upside down means you are in distress….nice picture of W. telling us what we already know. Thanks for fucking shit up, and don't worry, they'll continue to blame the black guy. Enjoy your retirement, or filling the old coffers, or workin' on the ranch, or whatever.

    1. Xan

      Back in '65, when Merka was still real, the 4th grade boys at my school accidentally raised the flag upside down, causing a passing Marine to call in the police and get the school shut down.

    1. TribecaMike

      Yup, that's him. I usually see him and his very tall wife when I go to the Metropolitan Opera, and always spend the first act talking myself out of jumping over seats and beating that war criminal to a pulp. Thanks for fucking up the world and Verdi, Kissinger!

      1. Lucidamente1

        I once saw Alan Dershowitz at a performance of Meistersinger, whereupon my head exploded.

        1. TribecaMike

          Let me guess — and then Leontyne Price shot him and put the audience out of their misery?

  21. LibertyLover

    Tonight there is going to be a tribute video to Bush of all the "Good times." George Bush Senior is going to cry. Babs will say something poignant. Laura has promised to read to George W. after the convention. Sappy music will play.

    1. Arborista

      Meh. Laura told a funny about Barney biting a reporter… Barbara thinks she's a lucky ducky.

  22. LibertyLover

    Oooh, John McCain is speaking. Revolting Riveting.

    But now that he isn't lying anymore, he can be kinda classy.

    1. Peckerwood_Pete

      Oh surely the party of limited government and financial responsiblity wouldn't start another war we couldn't afford would they!

  23. IonaTrailer

    Let's stay in Afghanistan and not cut Defense spending. Obama playing no roll in defense. Take that dead bin laden

  24. IonaTrailer

    Hasn't Walnuts forgotten about how America over-threw the elected President of Iran and replaced him with the Shah?

  25. SayItWithWookies

    Good gravy, John McCain is going off on Obama for not helping the uprisings in Iran and Syria? What the hell would he recommend we do? Oh, right — it's not his job to suggest another course of action, just to criticize what the current president is doing.

    1. mrblifil

      Mind he warned of doing anything in Egypt and LIbya, so he's definitely the go-to guy on the subject of assisting Arab popular uprisings…

    2. bikerlaureate

      He knows what to do, but won't tell us until after he's elected President.

      Top current Republican candidates approve of that coquettish behavior.

  26. Warpde

    War,War,War,War…….
    Waiting for the " Just one tactical nuke would solve all our problems." comment.
    You go John.

    1. Misty Malarky

      Every danged foreigner Walnuts ever talked to wants to know when it's their time to get some good sweet American ass-kickin'.

  27. quequoi

    I just wanted to say that the Wonketariat has kept me from crying in my soup the last few weeks. Your snark and brains keep me sane. Just wanted to say thank you and decided that there was no better place to spend tonight. Hugs and cocktails being sent to you all through USB.

    1. Warpde

      I stepped on my remote.
      Now I'm stuck on some show about small people in a big world…
      Damn…..now I have to get up.

    1. finallyhappy

      never mind, I will ask Rebecca directly on Saturday night what this "derp" thing is. All of these new funny word things are too much for me.

  28. TribecaMike

    From the You Can't Make This Shit Up Department:

    Mitt Romney's presidential campaign toasted its top donors today aboard a 150-foot yacht flying the flag of the Cayman Islands, ABC News reports.

    "The exclusive event, hosted by a Florida developer on his yacht 'Cracker Bay,' was one of a dozen exclusive events meant to nurture those who have raised more than $1 million for Romney's bid."

    1. finallyhappy

      Not sure if I remember this correctly but during a boat tour around Fort Lauderdale, we were told big yachts/boats carry the flag of where they are registered because registry elsewhere saves a huge amount of tax

  29. Warpde

    Well after that they have my vote.
    Oh wait, I'm Canadian.
    Sorry Mitt.
    If you lose by one vote it's my fault.

  30. Callyson

    Jesus, the MSNBC reporter asking Walnuts if he needs to help Mittens on national security.

    God help us all…

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Fuck. Some liberal lefties show up to protest and the city does this? Why not just bring out the Imperial Guard and be done with it…

  31. BathroomGoblin

    Oh so pleased to be witty, Thune.

    I cant stand another moron's dozen of these grinning toxic idiots.

  32. Callyson

    Oh FUCK you, Walnuts…going on about how the President has not spoken up about Syria. Have you forgotten how quickly you went off when he sent troops to Libya?

    Ten Republican senators voted in favor of GOP freshman Rand Paul’s non-binding resolution opposing President Barack Obama’s use of force in Libya on Tuesday — the first congressional action of disapproval since Obama launched the attack last month.

    *and*

    Four prominent senators are also in talks on a potentially more significant authorizing resolution. But the lawmakers— Sens. John Kerry (D-Mass.), John McCain (R-Ariz.), Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.), Carl Levin (D-Mich) and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) — are still deciding whether to draft a measure at all under the War Powers Act.

    http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0411/52599.h

    Asshole.

  33. Guppy

    Let it never be said of us, when confronted with the economic perils in front of us, we turned away, closed our eyes, and did nothing.

    Too late! Of course, the only thing you try to deny more than economic realities is criticism.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      " … we turned away, closed our eyes, and did nothing."

      Uhhh … that's exactly what you did, moron. Yet another thing we cannot talk about?

  34. azeyote

    who in the hell let that – stipper impersonater with the platinum hair and come do me black dress – on national tv. my god she actually gives blonds a bad name. her reading skills were very impessive for a 5 year old.

  35. SayItWithWookies

    Pipeline guy is all about Romney's embracing of renewable energy? Romney and Ryan are in favor of letting the incentive for wind power expire. Also, pipeline dude doesn't seem to be aware that we're drilling more oil and mining more coal now than we've ever been.

  36. Biff

    Was watching on PBS, but seeing Gwen Ifill actually enjoying herself with David Brooks and that Peggington of Nooninghamshire look-a-like was just too much.

  37. Warpde

    Why do these musical interruptions remind me of the drive-in hotdog and burger breaks when all you want is to see tits on the screen or get laid in the back seat?

  38. finallyhappy

    Good night- I am getting ready to leave very early tomorrow for Atlanta. I will say it is because I need so much time there to prepare for Saturday night- I will admit to visiting the Georgia Aquarium tomorrow but not reveal the rest of my trip until Saturday night.

  39. JackObin

    I forgot what a drooling vegetable Little Georgie Bush is. And doesn't war criminal Hank Kissinger look well?

  40. Warpde

    "This one has been a difficult….. Nada dada nada"
    I wonder why?
    And here we go with the appopolick rhetoric again.

  41. Warpde

    Just a quick question.
    Do these keynote speakers shit out their words as fast as they take them in?

  42. LibertyLover

    It's amazing that they want great teachers and public education but don't want to fund it.
    On the other hand they hate the teachers.

  43. polnick

    Blessed are the coolie wage workers whose low labor costs create investors and jobs. Romney promises to put America back to work again, but without coolie wage workers that is impossible. Getting rid of the minimum wage and high welfare payments to the poor will provide the investor with the incentive to open a business. Those that demand big pay checks will have to remain unemployed until they accept becoming a hard working coolie with a job.

  44. Peckerwood_Pete

    I tell ya… if Romney didn't have an "R" next to his name, and Obama didn't have a "D" next to his… 90% of the voters in this country would be as confused as a 2 dollar whore with a 20 dollar bill in her hand, as to who to vote for.

Comments are closed.