Emergency Cartoon Violence: Dick Morris Has Some Terrible/Hilarious Cartoons On His Website

Haha, remember when your Comics Curmudgeon used to literally read every single political cartoon barfed out by America’s political cartooning class, every week, and then make fun of them all for your amusement? Your Comics Curmudgeon remembers this, though the details are fuzzy and mostly he just thinks of it as the “dark time.” He thought he had left that life behind him, but then Buzzfeed deputy tech editor and noted collector of Internet insanity John Herrman alerted him to the fact that DickMorris.com seeks to offer insightful political cartoons to those who have wandered over looking for Dick Morris-related content (toe porn). The cartoons are pretty great! No, wait, did we say “great,” we meant terrible. No, we can’t decide! Like this one:

Look at each individual droplet of secrets, lovingly hand-drawn and yet eerily similar to all the others, dribbling out of that misshapen … pitcher … thing. There are more, after the jump!

These comics are on a page of Dick Morris’s website billed as Cartoons By Clayton Liotta @DickMorris.Com, where they are described as “a combination of Dick’s sense of the absurd and Clayton Liotta’s skilled cartoonist’s hand.” Does this mean the “jokes” are Dick Morris’s? We will never know, because lord knows we won’t ask them, it’s too terrifying.

This cartoon nicely captures the gap between the whole oeuvre’s aspirations and capabilities by using the canonical New Yorker cartoon font for the caption but then misspelling Angela Merkel’s name. It also puts labels on everything because of course that is how a political cartoon works. That stimulus spending sure was pointy!

Mr. Liotta mostly works in the greyscale shades of a #2 pencil, which makes the occasional intrusion of color into the cartoons all the more striking, like the scene of the girl in the red coat in Schindler’s List. What is in the larger package the Republicans offer to the American Woman? Is it the assurance that her rape-baby will be well cared for until the moment it pass through her cervix? Or is the “package” just meant to imply that Republicans have bigger dicks? Yes, probably.

Is that … is that a kangaroo? An enormous, obese kangaroo? We would not have thought to depict high gas prices as a terrifying kangaroo-demon, because we are mere critics rather than true artists.

Why won’t Nobama allow job creators to enjoy the profits they’ve justly earned from the labor of thousands of Hebrew slaves?

Anyway, there are about a zillion of these so you should click over here and read them all repeatedly. Keep scrolling through and you’ll eventually hit the ones from the Republican primary season. Turns out Mr. Liotta was a Santorum supporter, we think? Or maybe Perry?

In conclusion, we would like to point out that there was a time when Dick Morris was one of the most influential advisors to the President of the United States, and now he’s a guy who has these cartoons on his website. The lesson is probably that you should find a partner who shares your sexual preferences or at least indulges them rather than hiring prostitutes. Toe sucking isn’t even really that weird, honestly. [DickMorris.com]