MITT ROMNEY IS JAR-JAR BINKS  4:30 pm August 29, 2012

Ronald Reagan May Give Greatest Performance By Pretending To Tolerate Mitt Romney From The Grave

by Jesse Taylor

you didn't resurrect thatFox News is hinting/wishing/masturbating furtively to the idea that the “surprise speaker” at the Republican National Convention tomorrow may be a hologram of Ronald Reagan.

After a Tupac hologram tore up Coachella and CNN awkwardly had Wolf Blitzer be awkward with a Jessica Yellin hologram, it makes sense that the GOP would be on the cutting edge of questionably useful and questionably tasteful technology.

Although this is in no way confirmed or even likely, let’s pretend it’s confirmed fact and wonder how many simultaneous orgasms can fill a Tampa arena. More to the point, will there be more patriot puddles than when John Cena announced that bin Laden was dead in the very same arena?

Depends on how many people took their Viagra beforehand.

[Gawker]

 

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{ 232 comments }

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 4:33 pm

To be fair, if they could work the technology, that would be cool.

It would still be motherfucking Ronald Reagan backhanding Mitt Romney, but the spectacle would be cool

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Huh. I thought only Hollywood liberals got spectacles. And the millionaire/billionaire Repugs get monocles…

rickmaci August 29, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Fuckit. Why not go all the way with this thing? Hologram Jeebuzz. Sort of an Easter Sunday effect, no?

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 12:01 am

Your definition of cool is different than mine, then.

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 9:21 am

Come on! A free-standing interactive hologram?

OK, it's Reagan, but still…

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 9:21 am

BTW, it will be Clint Eastwood, who is an animatronic puppet of Ronald Reagan.

grex1949 August 29, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Maybe it will feature a Ronnie/Celine Dion duet!

DaniloTifoso August 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I vote Ronnie/Tupac!

johnnyzhivago August 29, 2012 at 5:10 pm

"I had the Time of My Life"

grex1949 August 29, 2012 at 5:44 pm

With the pre-rhinoplasty Jennifer Gray, I hope.

bikerlaureate August 29, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Oh my man, I love him so…

ChillBill August 29, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Wolf Blitzer will do the follow up interview.

not that Dewey August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

"It's still Ronald Reagan and you look like Ronald Reagan and we know you are Ronald Reagan. I think a lot of people are nervous out there. All right, Ronald. You were a terrific hologram."

Not_So_Much August 29, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Please let it be true! The fact that they wouldn't let his policies within miles of their current party would make this delicious for a long, long time.

Callyson August 29, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Other guesses for non-dead speakers include Tim Tebow, Colin Powell, Clint Eastwood, and Nancy Reagan. But hopefully the RNC reanimation squad will be able to conjure up the most profane and laughable addition to a political convention in history.

Tricky Dick or GTFO.

OzoneTom August 29, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I think that Clint Eastwood is the most likely to qualify as a "surprise" by RNC standards.

Even though he is well into his grumpy old guy stage of life he could still overshadow Mittens, so there is that against him.

weejee August 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I wuz a little slow. No, 5 minutes late is a lot slow.

1stNewtontheMoon August 29, 2012 at 6:51 pm

I would love for it to be Tebow lisping his way through…and Mitt can say,

"yeah, yeah. I saw this guy in the hall. And I could tell he was in sport. I could tell he was in sport because he was the right height. And not only was he the right height, but i could tell because he had a great haircut. And because he said something about Jesus to me. and ya' know, when he told me he played the game of American football, I reminded him some of my best friends own professional American football teams. And we laughed. Then he told me he was losing his job to a Mexican. Apparently, in this sport, American football, only one quarterdown plays on the field at a time. crazy sport, American football."

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Any bright sparks out there can hack into this thing and turn it into Teh Gratsest Dizastuh EVAH?

Mittens Howell, III August 29, 2012 at 4:45 pm

RNC technicians are on it.

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

"Well, that Barack Obama feller…I think he's the President most like I was…"

prommie August 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

From your lips to Anonymous' ears.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm

It would be pure comedy gold.

prommie August 29, 2012 at 4:54 pm

If there were a God, it would happen. As we know, there isn't. It won't happen, and the world will continue on as it is, with no peace, no justice, with the powerful and vicious and mendacious taking more and more and the powerless and simple and honest getting fucked harder and harder.

prommie August 29, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Hope is the delusion that tomorrow will somehow be better than today, despite all evidence indicating the contrary. I don't like hope, it exhausts me. It is only useful for fleecing people, as it is hope that convinces people to donate their money to casinos and lotteries and the stock market.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 5:28 pm

BEGONE, VILE SPIRIT OF LAYNE!! Depart from our prommie into them swine over there!!

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Seriously, in how bad of shape is your party when the guy you pick to close the deal has been dead for eight years and out of office for twenty five?

I mean, there's NO ONE still alive you'd want to leave the lasting impression?

Baconzgood August 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm

No. There's that guy….what's his name..ummmm….gimme a sec…let's see here…geeze it's right on the tip of my tounge…It starts with a letter…..

Biff August 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Yet they insist we forget their last preznit, like he never happened.

SoBeach August 29, 2012 at 5:23 pm

If the republicans trot out a hologram of dead Reagan the democrats should have a hologram of alive George W. Bush.

Toomush_Infer August 29, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Well, it was a tossup between Ronnie and Max Headroom, with hardly any difference between them, and the real plan is for it to become like a Hitler Farts viral video…..

el_donaldo August 29, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Zombie Reagan is what they want; the ghost of Breitbart is all they get.

Jus_Wonderin August 29, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Maybe I am just evil, but if they did do this my hope would be the dvd tech skips and Reagan repeatedly asks the audience "What? What? What? What? What?……………………………..

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Ron Headroom?

FlownOver August 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

"What" ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?

YasserArraFeck August 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm

"Hey, Flock of Seagulls, stay where you are!"

Generation[redacted] August 29, 2012 at 4:56 pm

That's no skip. That's every SOTU address he ever gave.

StarsUponThars August 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

"There you go again … "

ChillBill August 29, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Holo-Reagan: "What the hell am I doing here?! Who the fuck are these people?! NANCY! NURSE!"

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Mommmeeee!!!!

OneYieldRegular August 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm

What, does the actual corpse of Ayn Rand have a conflict that night?

tihond August 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Imagine all the peanuts they'll throw when Hologram 2Pac shows up instead.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

The VA & GA delegates should conspire to make that happen…

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

That's a ServicePac, right? I don't think they bought that module.

FlownOver August 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm

If Reagan can't make it they have holograms of Joe McCarthy and Nixon on standby.

SorosBot August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Certainly not Eisenhower – he was far too reasonable for today's Republican party and would be met with screams of "RINO!"

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Robin Williams should show up in costume as Eisenhower and berate them about the growing influence of the Oligarchy-Fundamentalism-Racism Complex.
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movie

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Perhaps there will be a Rapture to go along with this appearance. I'd be down with that.

FlownOver August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Think of the shock when they discover the only one raptured was that CNN camerawoman.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I hope it was a legitimate rapture.

ChernobylSoup August 29, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Dibs on the Cracker Bay.

I'll change the name.

Mittens Howell, III August 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I thought Mitt Romney had already sewn up the hologrammed humans vote.

Baconzgood August 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm

THIS LOOKS SHOPPED

I CAN TELL FROM SOME OF THE PIXELS AND FROM SEEING QUITE A FEW SHOPS IN MY TIME.

SorosBot August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Poor Sebastian Shaw.

el_donaldo August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Here's a photoshop you'll find it easy to masturbate to.

Baconzgood August 29, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I saw that earlier. Yummy. You know I kinda got a crush on the FLOTUS. I wonder if she's seeing anyone.

emmelemm August 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm

He has drones, dude. Watch yourself.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Can't these motherfuckers just once, just fucking ONCE stop talking about that whole fucking slavery thing?

Boojum August 30, 2012 at 6:25 am

Yeah, I agree, but the picture captures our Flotus' essentially regal and maternal essence pretty well, I think. That anyone could think of this woman as subservient is beyond me…which may be the point of the picture.

Or boobies, either one.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 5:34 pm

What a fucking insult. Yeah, just hysterical, fap fap.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"Depends on how many people took their Viagra beforehand."

AOTK! Including (especially?) the she-males in tailored red dresses…

sharethegrief August 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Makes sense. In life he was hologram.

SexySmurf August 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"Save me, Ronnie: you're my only hope."

-Princess Mittens

Baconzgood August 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I wasn't going to say anything (cause of 'nerd alert') but it's "HELP ME" not "SAVE ME".

Now I'm going to crawl into the corner and read comic books but call them "graphic novels".

SexySmurf August 29, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Oh, whatever. I never liked Star Trek anyways.

CthuNHu August 29, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I find your lack of respect… disturbing.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Beam me up Slappy.

Boojum August 30, 2012 at 6:27 am

Beat me up, Scotty

Star Subs

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 8:59 am

Most impressive.

Hammiepants August 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm

HoloTupac busting a cap in his cracker ass would be more fun, non-lethal and hilarious.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm

He could explain his proof of the Cheney fact that deficits don't matter

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 5:09 pm

"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."
–Ronald Reagan

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm

It would be cool if the SAG union-card-carrying Reagan showed up by mistake. Kinda like the young slim Elvis/old fat Elvis thing.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 5:10 pm

How about old Reagan dressed up like old Elvis? THAT I would watch…

StarsUponThars August 29, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I'd like to see an introduction ala David Letterman's classic Uma/Oprah Oscars schtick: "Ronnie, Romney. Romney, Ronnie."

Mittens Howell, III August 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Hologrammed Reagan: NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

SoBeach August 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm

It would be a great way to reach out to younger voters weren't even born when Reagan was president. You know how cool young people think history is.

bikerlaureate August 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Exactly. I quake in fear at the thought of all those people who are on the fence seeing a computer mockup of a guy who left the Oval Office in nineteen-freakin'-eighty-nine. This could grab so many undecided independents that I feel sorta queasy.

Jennyjen798 August 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm

No kidding. Most of them weren't even born yet.

If they were to pull this, the rightards would go nuts; but the rest of the country would just wonder what the fuck just happened.

YasserArraFeck August 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Hologram of Nancy blowing The Gipper or GTFO

Crank_Tango August 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

ew. Frank Sinatra FTW.

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I don't think even her skills could raise the dead.

And I don't mean the corpse

Steverino247 August 29, 2012 at 6:29 pm

You mean to tell me that it's not Nancy Reagan Mick Jagger sings about? "She makes a dead man come."

actor212 August 30, 2012 at 9:28 am

I thought that was Carly Simon?

Steverino247 August 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Actually, he was referring to Tina Turner, I believe.

SmutBoffin August 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm

One thousand years from now, the appearance of Ronnie at the 2012 RNC thingy will be basis of a new religion. In these scriptures, the dead holy man appeared before the devout and delivered a lecture on why the poors should be ground into paste and used to lubricate war machines for killing other, browner poors.

It will suck.

Jus_Wonderin August 29, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I have to add, those future people think that we used those u shaped toliet lids are neckwear. And toothbrushes were used as earrings.

Yes, it will suck.

1stNewtontheMoon August 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I don't think you'll have to wait 1000 years.

DrunkIrishman August 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

HE'S DEAD! MOVE ON!

bibliotequetress August 29, 2012 at 6:47 pm

No kidding. For those of us who were unhappy with RR when he, actually, more or less, was alive and president, this treating him like Ramses II grates.

weejee August 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Not a hologram of Tricky Dick Nixon??

SorosBot August 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Hologram Reagan will have more brain cells than the real thing did.

Crank_Tango August 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

HOLOGRAM TELEPROMPTER LIBEL!

Mittens Howell, III August 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Hologram. Huh. Isn't that a sciencey thing?

YasserArraFeck August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The hologram was invented in 4004 BC, along with everything else

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Nope, it's magic; in this case, white magic, so it's all good.

OurHoboSenator August 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

NIXON'S BACK!!!!

SorosBot August 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

This is giving holograms a bad name; Voyager's Doctor should be pissed.

MosesInvests August 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Please state the nature of the political emergency.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Strangely enough, Holo-Ronnie is more with it than Reagan was the last two years of his term.

1stNewtontheMoon August 29, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Ronnie's old handlers wish they had this technology from 1980-1989.

SayItWithWookies August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

They should have him give his speech with the resounding line "We are going to spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children, what it once was like in America when men were free."

Remember that? It was from his 1961 album about how Medicare was going to destroy America.

Kid_Charlemagne August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Oh, for fucks sake. Mittens would dig up Ronnie's corpse and ride him like a fucking surfboard in Tampa Bay if he thought it would get him a few votes!

CthuNHu August 29, 2012 at 5:01 pm

That's where he differs from everyone else at the convention: he'd only do it if it got him votes.

Boojum August 30, 2012 at 6:34 am

I would do it if I could surf.

"Dude! I surfed Reagan!"

Dudleydidwrong August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The Reagan hologram will be followed by brief addresses by Herbert Hoover and Attila the Hun.

(Does a hologram eat jellybeans?)

Barbara_ August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Cheap bastards from the GOP, going Dutch again.

Mittens Howell, III August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Reagan Hologram: "Bobby Jindal masturbates to Amy Grant."

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Technological Gimmick Endorses Technological Gimmick.

Film at 11.

YasserArraFeck August 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Mitt Romney (R – Uncanny Valley)

doloras August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Hayden Christensen fuck off. Sebastian Shaw or GTFO my Death Star.

PeaceWithHonor August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm

The real tragedy comes when Christie tries to fellate it.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm

it would need to be a Bruuuuuce hologram, no?

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm

If they don't do something better than tired Trump firing a Barack impersonator I'll be very surprised. What else do they have?

FlownOver August 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

The clap.

Crank_Tango August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Again, it will disappoint when he says "yo what up coachelllaaaaaaa!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm

So, the Republicans are willing to desecrate a long dead president, but won't mention a word about George Bush or his father.

Interesting.

Mittens Howell, III August 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Reagan hologram: "Mitt, your father wants you to release the tax returns."

elviouslyqueer August 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Hologram? Shit, it would just be better to dig his ass up and let Romney reanimate him onstage.

Jus_Wonderin August 29, 2012 at 5:03 pm

With Romney having to be animated as well this is going to be one rough night for the Tampa Puppeteers Local 103.

billy_reuben August 30, 2012 at 12:19 am

He could shove his fist up Ronny's rotted corpse-anus, make the jaw flap open and shut with his fingers. Then, he could recite the alphabet while drinking a glass of water, and finish it off leading the crowd in a rousing chorus of "i wish I was in Dixie". Sensational! This would *seal* the talent competition, and the tiara is as good as his.

sbj1964 August 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Hey Mittens dug up his dead father in law.Reagan will now be baptised as a Mormon?

DemmeFatale August 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm

What a great idea!!!
I'm sure NO ONE will compare Ronald and Mitt!

Mittens Howell, III August 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm

They should hologram a giant cheeseburger to lure Chris Christie back on stage.

weejee August 29, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Red meat two nights in a row?? How about a giant ChistieCreme doughnut?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 4:44 pm

You know who else had to die to support Romney?

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Several hundred thousand American manufacturing jobs?

Generation[redacted] August 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm

his dog?

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Jumpin' Jehorsephat, the unMormon-biblically-named runner up to Rafalca?

elviouslyqueer August 29, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Civility?

The 99%?

natoslug August 29, 2012 at 5:17 pm

The American Dream?

Doktor Zoom August 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Many Bothans?

Biff August 29, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Ann's soul?

1stNewtontheMoon August 29, 2012 at 6:44 pm

close. Ann's dad.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 12:13 am

Ann Davies daddy?

billy_reuben August 30, 2012 at 12:24 am

Ann Frank?

Goonemeritus August 29, 2012 at 4:45 pm

“Mitt I am your Grandfather” – Which I guess makes Reagan an outlaw polygamist who jumped bail to escape to Mexico.

Weenus299 August 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Just because the hologram of George W. Bush got drunk.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Holograms are soooo last year. I heard that they had dug up and re-animated Ronnie's rotten corpse. Unfortunately, his brain still doesn't work, which has made him devour the brains of others. Luckily, there won't be any brains around, so it all works out.

fartknocker August 29, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I would rather see a hologram of Senators Glass and Steagall telling everyone how former Senator Phil Gramm and his wife who worked for AIG how they fucked up banking laws.

And to remind everyone, Ronny Raygun is fucking dead and is worm food.

prommie August 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Should use Nixon's head in a jar instead, like on Futurama.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 5:45 pm

lol I hear the Quakers are petitioning the Mormons to baptize Dick so they won't have him on the consciences anymore.

prommie August 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

Those california "Quakers" are a completely different thing from the real east coast quakers. Don't be confusing the two.

1stNewtontheMoon August 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

the last 20 years have been the biggest fucking nixon comeback of all time. compared to these guys, nixon's one of the "good" ones. his crimes were even quaint.

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I hope they do this and the Hologram Reagan pulls some shit like in the very first episode of the original Outer Limits. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Galaxy_Being

Jus_Wonderin August 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Mitt: "Ron, open the pod bay doors."

IonaTrailer August 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Hologram Calvin Coolidge repeating his famous quote "Don't expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong."

belmontreport August 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm

It would be a perfect addition to their welfare attacks to get old Ronnie up there to talk about Welfare Queens.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm

But, what happens if they reanimate Reagan, but they cannot control him?

YasserArraFeck August 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Don't worry, the "Tards will have a way of shutting this thing down

FlownOver August 29, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Only if it's a legitimate reanimation.

Steverino247 August 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm

We may have to use nuclear force!

Here comes that asshole Ron
Big as a blimp with S&T scandal dollars.

Get the toilet paper! You know we'll need it!

bibliotequetress August 29, 2012 at 6:50 pm

He finally gets to outlaw Russia forever?

johnnymeatworth August 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm

God, I hope he raps….

Mumbletypeg August 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm

GOP brings out their dead. Audience's lifeless eyes will suddenly light up. It really will put the "final" in finale.

TootsStansbury August 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm

But but but Mittbot is the perfect embodiment of a hollow-gram.

mavenmaven August 29, 2012 at 4:52 pm

My heart tells me this story is true, but the facts tell me otherwise.

Tundra Grifter August 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

The two Administrations of Ronald Reagan were the most corrupt in modern times – certainly since Warren Harding, and perhaps since US Grant.

Between 130 and 140 administration figures were indicted, went to jail, resigned in disgrace, etc.

There was Iran-Contra, Wedtech, the HUD scandals, influence peddling galore.

In 8 years the Federal debt increased by some 275%.

We had the largest Federal income tax increase in Ameican history – including the much-loved AMT.

Why in the world would the GNoP want to bring all that mess up again?

TootsStansbury August 29, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Facts are stupid things.

elviouslyqueer August 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Because he single-handedly released the Iranian hostages, killed off all the gays, and did so whilst wishing everyone in America good morning!

SorosBot August 29, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Now that's not fair! Grant's administration was not particularly corrupt, no more than any other of that era. The revisionist claim that his administration was unusually corrupt was started around the early 1900s by Southern slavery and treason apologists.

What you said about Reagan though, yeah that's totally fair.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Team Harding or Team Grant!?

Steverino247 August 29, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Zombie U.S. Grant! Woot!

horsedreamer_1 August 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Ulysses Grant: Zombie Hunter has a nice ring.

Tundra Grifter August 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm

SB: I know the "standards" of the Gilded Age were different. However, even for that time I think the Grant Administration was fairly judged as rather corrupt.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Why in the world would the GNoP want to bring all that mess up again?

Nancy offered them blow jobs?

orygoon August 29, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Implied bookends: Morning in America, and Evening in America.

Cool message FTW.

Tundra Grifter August 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Wouldn't the Dead Reagan be "Mourning in America?"

mavenmaven August 29, 2012 at 4:55 pm

You all know that the big finale will be Ted Nugent accompanied by Huckabee on bass, so don't get too worked up.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Ooooh — more cat scratch fever. Purrrfect

pdiddycornchips August 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

If this happens, Tampa better hope Peggy Noonan isn't a squirter.

Ruhe August 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I'm picturing the audience endlessly applauding Holo-Reagan and I keep thinking of the final scene in King of Comedy…"Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen, Rupert Pupkin…"

Fox n Fiends August 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Holograph in Reagan voice: "MISTER ROMNEY, REBUILD THOSE MALLS!" and the crowd goes wild.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 5:18 pm

You built that!

Exhausted66 August 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Just what Mitt needs is a hologram who's more human than he is.

Wadisay August 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm

They ought to do a hologram of the characters from The Wizard of Oz, who will ceremonially hand Mitt a heart, a brain, some courage, and a dog that doesn't shit all over his car.

Jus_Wonderin August 29, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Please tell me this ends with Dorothy throwing a pail of water on Mitt.

viennawoods13 August 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm

No, on Ann.

billy_reuben August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

The house lands on Mitt.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Leave Toto alone!

Steverino247 August 29, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Since the SOB's likely going to carry Kansas in November, does it really matter?

Estproph August 29, 2012 at 4:59 pm

A robot gets his blessing from a hologram. And the right says Obama's the one that lives in a fantasy world…

Antispandex August 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Senile hologram Reagan is still an improvement over automaton Romney.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Bring on the black hair shoe polish! Ryan's on tonight too! Yee haw!

johnnyzhivago August 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

"Well, there you go again Mitt, show us your fucking taxes"

johnnyzhivago August 29, 2012 at 5:13 pm

It's going to be a hologram of Sarah Palin – the only way to control her mouth – and she's ok with it, because she still gets paid.

Steverino247 August 29, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Sarah Does Tampa.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 5:18 pm

hologram reagan will be more lifelike than mitt romney.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Did anyone just see this nightmare interview with Stephen Baldwin on Martin Bashir about 15 minutes ago? &*^%_*&^()(&!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's the giant mind f*** Koch Bros talking points we are into now, with the freshly arrested or whatever the blank Baldwin nutso just got arrested for….Here it is! The religious charities cannot afford to take care of all the poor sick people for the past 4 years because…..No one has a job and hence there are no donations to religious charities for 4 years because everyone KNOWS these charities take care of all the sick poor people except under Obama because….Obama took all the jobs away hence no religious charity donations. The gubmint does not need to take care of all the sick poor people, only when Obama is Preznit and destroys all jobs hence no religious charity donations hence sick poor people can't get all that church help that of course takes care of ALL sick poor people all the time 24/7 365 days a year. Religious charities feed, clothe & gives health care and surgery and chemo etc… to ALL sick people only when Obama isn't Preznit. AND the reason no Rethugs joined in on Obama's Jobs Bill, is because……Obamacare is so bad and terrible that no Rethugs trust Obama to join his Jobs Bill and employ Ameerikans. The End. Brought to you by: Stephen Baldwin nutso alkie just arrested and the desperate flailing losing in November Koch Bros. Yeah!

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Baldwin and Kirk Cameron are in a race to see who gets institutionalized first.

Serfville August 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Frothing at the mouth loons. This convention is a disaster and they are all getting meaner and meaner. Wait until the Grand Poobah of Mean Trump gets up on the podium. Does anyone remember when Bush Jr cut billions of Medicaid for SiCK POOR CHILDREN? It's one of the first things Obama instituted back into law to undo Bush's nightmare cuts for sick CHILDREN. I'm afraid this election will be a close one again and that's when the Rethugs steal elections ex: 2000 and 2004.

billy_reuben August 30, 2012 at 12:36 am

Everybody wins!

Doktor Zoom August 29, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I'm looking forward to the part where Karl Rove genuflects to the Koch brothers and says "What is thy bidding?"

zippy_w_pinhead August 29, 2012 at 5:20 pm

masturbating furtively? Does this involve out favorite plastic GOP babe Jenna Jameson?

ChrisM2011 August 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Isn't he the evil one in Star Wars hologram chess?

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Is that anything like the old computer game? http://www.mobygames.com/game/sega-cd/star-wars-c

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 5:23 pm

YUB NUB!!1!1

Soylent Green August 29, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Mittens is such a horrible inter-actor he'll be conversing to an empty space three feet to the right of the hologram. Just like he does to everybody else.

JackObin August 29, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Ronnie Raygun was once described as an amiable dunce, which is a perfect description of the mormon billionaire.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"Socially clueless shitty campaigner" is not the same as "dunce", and Romney is hardly "amiable."

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 12:31 am

And the people that knew him best knew him to be bitter as a spitting snake. I hope we never forget that he was an actor.

Ronnie was a petty, small man who held grudges…and played an amiable grandpa on TV.

Soylent Green August 29, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I'd settle for Watson to be tied into FactCheck.org to call bullshit during every speech.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Tying up Watson's housekeeper Mrs. Hudson has always been one of my fantasies.

ingloriousbytch August 29, 2012 at 5:32 pm

If the GOP main speaker is a hologram they better never talk shit about Obama's teleprompter again.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Good god, Tweety is interviewing XOD. Kill me now.

DangerHelvetica August 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Welcome to the Cafe 80's, where it's always morning in America, even in the afternoo-noo-noon.

supernoun August 29, 2012 at 5:53 pm

HOLY FUCK HOW CAN I BE MISSING A HOLOGRAM OF RONALD REAGAN?! I need to get to the RNC right now.

bibliotequetress August 29, 2012 at 5:57 pm

What would the difference be between hologram Nancy Reagan giving head and real, papery-fleshed Nancy Reagan giving head?

Steverino247 August 29, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I don't know, but whatever you do, DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!

bibliotequetress August 29, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Aren't most of us already haunted by the Reagan presidency?

comrad_darkness August 29, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I'd love to see a hologram of Reagan at the convention, advocating amnesty for illegal aliens and freaking out when he found out GE wasn't paying any corporate taxes and forcing congress to fix the rules. Bring on Reagan, BABY!!

Barrelhse August 29, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Will he be boffing Jane Wyman?

gogogodzilla August 29, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Hologram Calvin Coolidge or gtfo.

1stNewtontheMoon August 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Why not skip the middleman and shell out for the merman jezus hologram? after everyone recognizes the missouri accent (and like Ashcroft, pronouncing it "mizzurah") everyone can stop making fun of Mitt's jupiter-american jezus.

1stNewtontheMoon August 29, 2012 at 6:43 pm

will the reagan hologram shoot directly out of mitt's eyes like R2-D2?

Nostrildamus August 29, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Will Nancy come onstage and blow him?

Nostrildamus August 29, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Less Hologram Reagan !!
More Zombie Reagan !!

CheeseNPear August 29, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Zombie Reagan want brains!

Hologram Reagan want substance!

obfuscator2 August 29, 2012 at 7:07 pm

i look forward to hologram abraham lincoln materializing on the stage and FREAKING THE FUCK OUT at what his party has become.

randcoolcatdaddy August 29, 2012 at 7:08 pm

They'll advertise a hologram, but it will just wind up being a 16mm projector running clips from "Death Valley Days" and "Hellcats of the Navy".

BarackMyWorld August 29, 2012 at 7:59 pm

"Show's over, Synergy!"

SorosBot August 29, 2012 at 11:08 pm

The Misfits' songs are better!

mr bojangles August 29, 2012 at 9:15 pm

just show one of reagan's greatest movies 'the killers' where he slaps around angie dickinson and gets shot by lee marvin

Come here a minute August 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

"Ronald Reagan's greatest performance." Talk about damning with faint praise.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Why is Huckabeeeeee being so cunty to DW Schultz? Seems a bit inhospitable for a southern gentleman

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Uncle Sugar?? I'm gonna go ahead and say that's racist, without even googling it.

mayor_quimby August 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Hmmm, how are we gonna verify that 16 percent donation claim…. I wonder.

MosesInvests August 29, 2012 at 9:58 pm

EEEWWW!

ttommyunger August 29, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"Ronald Reagan you are? A shit I don't give."- Yoda.

Negropolis August 30, 2012 at 12:37 am

Apparently, shark-jumping has become the official sport of the Republican Party.

National_Turkey August 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Ghost of Chris Christie's mom. IN 3-D BITCHEZ!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Geek Test!

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