Fox News is hinting/wishing/masturbating furtively to the idea that the “surprise speaker” at the Republican National Convention tomorrow may be a hologram of Ronald Reagan.
After a Tupac hologram tore up Coachella and CNN awkwardly had Wolf Blitzer be awkward with a Jessica Yellin hologram, it makes sense that the GOP would be on the cutting edge of questionably useful and questionably tasteful technology.
Although this is in no way confirmed or even likely, let’s pretend it’s confirmed fact and wonder how many simultaneous orgasms can fill a Tampa arena. More to the point, will there be more patriot puddles than when John Cena announced that bin Laden was dead in the very same arena?
Depends on how many people took their Viagra beforehand.
[Gawker]
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To be fair, if they could work the technology, that would be cool.
It would still be motherfucking Ronald Reagan backhanding Mitt Romney, but the spectacle would be cool
Huh. I thought only Hollywood liberals got spectacles. And the millionaire/billionaire Repugs get monocles…
Fuckit. Why not go all the way with this thing? Hologram Jeebuzz. Sort of an Easter Sunday effect, no?
Your definition of cool is different than mine, then.
Come on! A free-standing interactive hologram?
OK, it's Reagan, but still…
BTW, it will be Clint Eastwood, who is an animatronic puppet of Ronald Reagan.
Maybe it will feature a Ronnie/Celine Dion duet!
I vote Ronnie/Tupac!
"I had the Time of My Life"
With the pre-rhinoplasty Jennifer Gray, I hope.
Oh my man, I love him so…
Wolf Blitzer will do the follow up interview.
"It's still Ronald Reagan and you look like Ronald Reagan and we know you are Ronald Reagan. I think a lot of people are nervous out there. All right, Ronald. You were a terrific hologram."
Please let it be true! The fact that they wouldn't let his policies within miles of their current party would make this delicious for a long, long time.
Other guesses for non-dead speakers include Tim Tebow, Colin Powell, Clint Eastwood, and Nancy Reagan. But hopefully the RNC reanimation squad will be able to conjure up the most profane and laughable addition to a political convention in history.
Tricky Dick or GTFO.
I think that Clint Eastwood is the most likely to qualify as a "surprise" by RNC standards.
Even though he is well into his grumpy old guy stage of life he could still overshadow Mittens, so there is that against him.
I wuz a little slow. No, 5 minutes late is a lot slow.
I would love for it to be Tebow lisping his way through…and Mitt can say,
"yeah, yeah. I saw this guy in the hall. And I could tell he was in sport. I could tell he was in sport because he was the right height. And not only was he the right height, but i could tell because he had a great haircut. And because he said something about Jesus to me. and ya' know, when he told me he played the game of American football, I reminded him some of my best friends own professional American football teams. And we laughed. Then he told me he was losing his job to a Mexican. Apparently, in this sport, American football, only one quarterdown plays on the field at a time. crazy sport, American football."
Any bright sparks out there can hack into this thing and turn it into Teh Gratsest Dizastuh EVAH?
RNC technicians are on it.
"Well, that Barack Obama feller…I think he's the President most like I was…"
From your lips to Anonymous' ears.
It would be pure comedy gold.
If there were a God, it would happen. As we know, there isn't. It won't happen, and the world will continue on as it is, with no peace, no justice, with the powerful and vicious and mendacious taking more and more and the powerless and simple and honest getting fucked harder and harder.
Hope is the delusion that tomorrow will somehow be better than today, despite all evidence indicating the contrary. I don't like hope, it exhausts me. It is only useful for fleecing people, as it is hope that convinces people to donate their money to casinos and lotteries and the stock market.
BEGONE, VILE SPIRIT OF LAYNE!! Depart from our prommie into them swine over there!!
Seriously, in how bad of shape is your party when the guy you pick to close the deal has been dead for eight years and out of office for twenty five?
I mean, there's NO ONE still alive you'd want to leave the lasting impression?
No. There's that guy….what's his name..ummmm….gimme a sec…let's see here…geeze it's right on the tip of my tounge…It starts with a letter…..
Yet they insist we forget their last preznit, like he never happened.
If the republicans trot out a hologram of dead Reagan the democrats should have a hologram of alive George W. Bush.
Well, it was a tossup between Ronnie and Max Headroom, with hardly any difference between them, and the real plan is for it to become like a Hitler Farts viral video…..
Zombie Reagan is what they want; the ghost of Breitbart is all they get.
Maybe I am just evil, but if they did do this my hope would be the dvd tech skips and Reagan repeatedly asks the audience "What? What? What? What? What?……………………………..
Ron Headroom?
"What" ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?
"Hey, Flock of Seagulls, stay where you are!"
That's no skip. That's every SOTU address he ever gave.
"There you go again … "
Holo-Reagan: "What the hell am I doing here?! Who the fuck are these people?! NANCY! NURSE!"
Mommmeeee!!!!
What, does the actual corpse of Ayn Rand have a conflict that night?
Imagine all the peanuts they'll throw when Hologram 2Pac shows up instead.
The VA & GA delegates should conspire to make that happen…
That's a ServicePac, right? I don't think they bought that module.
If Reagan can't make it they have holograms of Joe McCarthy and Nixon on standby.
Certainly not Eisenhower – he was far too reasonable for today's Republican party and would be met with screams of "RINO!"
Robin Williams should show up in costume as Eisenhower and berate them about the growing influence of the Oligarchy-Fundamentalism-Racism Complex.
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movie…
Perhaps there will be a Rapture to go along with this appearance. I'd be down with that.
Think of the shock when they discover the only one raptured was that CNN camerawoman.
I hope it was a legitimate rapture.
Dibs on the Cracker Bay.
I'll change the name.
I thought Mitt Romney had already sewn up the hologrammed humans vote.
THIS LOOKS SHOPPED
I CAN TELL FROM SOME OF THE PIXELS AND FROM SEEING QUITE A FEW SHOPS IN MY TIME.
Poor Sebastian Shaw.
Here's a photoshop you'll find it easy to masturbate to.
I saw that earlier. Yummy. You know I kinda got a crush on the FLOTUS. I wonder if she's seeing anyone.
He has drones, dude. Watch yourself.
Can't these motherfuckers just once, just fucking ONCE stop talking about that whole fucking slavery thing?
Yeah, I agree, but the picture captures our Flotus' essentially regal and maternal essence pretty well, I think. That anyone could think of this woman as subservient is beyond me…which may be the point of the picture.
Or boobies, either one.
What a fucking insult. Yeah, just hysterical, fap fap.
"Depends on how many people took their Viagra beforehand."
AOTK! Including (especially?) the she-males in tailored red dresses…
Makes sense. In life he was hologram.
"Save me, Ronnie: you're my only hope."
-Princess Mittens
I wasn't going to say anything (cause of 'nerd alert') but it's "HELP ME" not "SAVE ME".
Now I'm going to crawl into the corner and read comic books but call them "graphic novels".
Oh, whatever. I never liked Star Trek anyways.
I find your lack of respect… disturbing.
Beam me up Slappy.
Beat me up, Scotty
Star Subs
Most impressive.
HoloTupac busting a cap in his cracker ass would be more fun, non-lethal and hilarious.
He could explain his proof of the Cheney fact that deficits don't matter
"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."
–Ronald Reagan
It would be cool if the SAG union-card-carrying Reagan showed up by mistake. Kinda like the young slim Elvis/old fat Elvis thing.
How about old Reagan dressed up like old Elvis? THAT I would watch…
I'd like to see an introduction ala David Letterman's classic Uma/Oprah Oscars schtick: "Ronnie, Romney. Romney, Ronnie."
Hologrammed Reagan: NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
It would be a great way to reach out to younger voters weren't even born when Reagan was president. You know how cool young people think history is.
Exactly. I quake in fear at the thought of all those people who are on the fence seeing a computer mockup of a guy who left the Oval Office in nineteen-freakin'-eighty-nine. This could grab so many undecided independents that I feel sorta queasy.
No kidding. Most of them weren't even born yet.
If they were to pull this, the rightards would go nuts; but the rest of the country would just wonder what the fuck just happened.
Hologram of Nancy blowing The Gipper or GTFO
ew. Frank Sinatra FTW.
I don't think even her skills could raise the dead.
And I don't mean the corpse
You mean to tell me that it's not Nancy Reagan Mick Jagger sings about? "She makes a dead man come."
I thought that was Carly Simon?
Actually, he was referring to Tina Turner, I believe.
One thousand years from now, the appearance of Ronnie at the 2012 RNC thingy will be basis of a new religion. In these scriptures, the dead holy man appeared before the devout and delivered a lecture on why the poors should be ground into paste and used to lubricate war machines for killing other, browner poors.
It will suck.
I have to add, those future people think that we used those u shaped toliet lids are neckwear. And toothbrushes were used as earrings.
Yes, it will suck.
I don't think you'll have to wait 1000 years.
HE'S DEAD! MOVE ON!
No kidding. For those of us who were unhappy with RR when he, actually, more or less, was alive and president, this treating him like Ramses II grates.
Not a hologram of Tricky Dick Nixon??
Hologram Reagan will have more brain cells than the real thing did.
HOLOGRAM TELEPROMPTER LIBEL!
Hologram. Huh. Isn't that a sciencey thing?
The hologram was invented in 4004 BC, along with everything else
Nope, it's magic; in this case, white magic, so it's all good.
NIXON'S BACK!!!!
This is giving holograms a bad name; Voyager's Doctor should be pissed.
Please state the nature of the political emergency.
Strangely enough, Holo-Ronnie is more with it than Reagan was the last two years of his term.
Ronnie's old handlers wish they had this technology from 1980-1989.
They should have him give his speech with the resounding line "We are going to spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children, what it once was like in America when men were free."
Remember that? It was from his 1961 album about how Medicare was going to destroy America.
Oh, for fucks sake. Mittens would dig up Ronnie's corpse and ride him like a fucking surfboard in Tampa Bay if he thought it would get him a few votes!
That's where he differs from everyone else at the convention: he'd only do it if it got him votes.
I would do it if I could surf.
"Dude! I surfed Reagan!"
The Reagan hologram will be followed by brief addresses by Herbert Hoover and Attila the Hun.
(Does a hologram eat jellybeans?)
Cheap bastards from the GOP, going Dutch again.
Reagan Hologram: "Bobby Jindal masturbates to Amy Grant."
Technological Gimmick Endorses Technological Gimmick.
Film at 11.
Mitt Romney (R – Uncanny Valley)
Hayden Christensen fuck off. Sebastian Shaw or GTFO my Death Star.
The real tragedy comes when Christie tries to fellate it.
it would need to be a Bruuuuuce hologram, no?
If they don't do something better than tired Trump firing a Barack impersonator I'll be very surprised. What else do they have?
The clap.
Again, it will disappoint when he says "yo what up coachelllaaaaaaa!"
So, the Republicans are willing to desecrate a long dead president, but won't mention a word about George Bush or his father.
Interesting.
Reagan hologram: "Mitt, your father wants you to release the tax returns."
Hologram? Shit, it would just be better to dig his ass up and let Romney reanimate him onstage.
With Romney having to be animated as well this is going to be one rough night for the Tampa Puppeteers Local 103.
He could shove his fist up Ronny's rotted corpse-anus, make the jaw flap open and shut with his fingers. Then, he could recite the alphabet while drinking a glass of water, and finish it off leading the crowd in a rousing chorus of "i wish I was in Dixie". Sensational! This would *seal* the talent competition, and the tiara is as good as his.
Hey Mittens dug up his dead father in law.Reagan will now be baptised as a Mormon?
What a great idea!!!
I'm sure NO ONE will compare Ronald and Mitt!
They should hologram a giant cheeseburger to lure Chris Christie back on stage.
Red meat two nights in a row?? How about a giant ChistieCreme doughnut?
You know who else had to die to support Romney?
Several hundred thousand American manufacturing jobs?
his dog?
Jumpin' Jehorsephat, the unMormon-biblically-named runner up to Rafalca?
Civility?
The 99%?
The American Dream?
Many Bothans?
Ann's soul?
close. Ann's dad.
Ann Davies daddy?
Ann Frank?
“Mitt I am your Grandfather” – Which I guess makes Reagan an outlaw polygamist who jumped bail to escape to Mexico.
Just because the hologram of George W. Bush got drunk.
Holograms are soooo last year. I heard that they had dug up and re-animated Ronnie's rotten corpse. Unfortunately, his brain still doesn't work, which has made him devour the brains of others. Luckily, there won't be any brains around, so it all works out.
I would rather see a hologram of Senators Glass and Steagall telling everyone how former Senator Phil Gramm and his wife who worked for AIG how they fucked up banking laws.
And to remind everyone, Ronny Raygun is fucking dead and is worm food.
Should use Nixon's head in a jar instead, like on Futurama.
lol I hear the Quakers are petitioning the Mormons to baptize Dick so they won't have him on the consciences anymore.
Those california "Quakers" are a completely different thing from the real east coast quakers. Don't be confusing the two.
the last 20 years have been the biggest fucking nixon comeback of all time. compared to these guys, nixon's one of the "good" ones. his crimes were even quaint.
I hope they do this and the Hologram Reagan pulls some shit like in the very first episode of the original Outer Limits. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Galaxy_Being
Mitt: "Ron, open the pod bay doors."
Hologram Calvin Coolidge repeating his famous quote "Don't expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong."
It would be a perfect addition to their welfare attacks to get old Ronnie up there to talk about Welfare Queens.
But, what happens if they reanimate Reagan, but they cannot control him?
Don't worry, the "Tards will have a way of shutting this thing down
Only if it's a legitimate reanimation.
We may have to use nuclear force!
Here comes that asshole Ron
Big as a blimp with S&T scandal dollars.
Get the toilet paper! You know we'll need it!
He finally gets to outlaw Russia forever?
God, I hope he raps….
GOP brings out their dead. Audience's lifeless eyes will suddenly light up. It really will put the "final" in finale.
But but but Mittbot is the perfect embodiment of a hollow-gram.
My heart tells me this story is true, but the facts tell me otherwise.
The two Administrations of Ronald Reagan were the most corrupt in modern times – certainly since Warren Harding, and perhaps since US Grant.
Between 130 and 140 administration figures were indicted, went to jail, resigned in disgrace, etc.
There was Iran-Contra, Wedtech, the HUD scandals, influence peddling galore.
In 8 years the Federal debt increased by some 275%.
We had the largest Federal income tax increase in Ameican history – including the much-loved AMT.
Why in the world would the GNoP want to bring all that mess up again?
Facts are stupid things.
Because he single-handedly released the Iranian hostages, killed off all the gays, and did so whilst wishing everyone in America good morning!
Now that's not fair! Grant's administration was not particularly corrupt, no more than any other of that era. The revisionist claim that his administration was unusually corrupt was started around the early 1900s by Southern slavery and treason apologists.
What you said about Reagan though, yeah that's totally fair.
Team Harding or Team Grant!?
Zombie U.S. Grant! Woot!
Ulysses Grant: Zombie Hunter has a nice ring.
SB: I know the "standards" of the Gilded Age were different. However, even for that time I think the Grant Administration was fairly judged as rather corrupt.
Why in the world would the GNoP want to bring all that mess up again?
Nancy offered them blow jobs?
Implied bookends: Morning in America, and Evening in America.
Cool message FTW.
Wouldn't the Dead Reagan be "Mourning in America?"
You all know that the big finale will be Ted Nugent accompanied by Huckabee on bass, so don't get too worked up.
Ooooh — more cat scratch fever. Purrrfect
If this happens, Tampa better hope Peggy Noonan isn't a squirter.
I'm picturing the audience endlessly applauding Holo-Reagan and I keep thinking of the final scene in King of Comedy…"Rupert Pupkin, ladies and gentlemen, Rupert Pupkin…"
Holograph in Reagan voice: "MISTER ROMNEY, REBUILD THOSE MALLS!" and the crowd goes wild.
You built that!
Just what Mitt needs is a hologram who's more human than he is.
They ought to do a hologram of the characters from The Wizard of Oz, who will ceremonially hand Mitt a heart, a brain, some courage, and a dog that doesn't shit all over his car.
Please tell me this ends with Dorothy throwing a pail of water on Mitt.
No, on Ann.
The house lands on Mitt.
Leave Toto alone!
Since the SOB's likely going to carry Kansas in November, does it really matter?
A robot gets his blessing from a hologram. And the right says Obama's the one that lives in a fantasy world…
Senile hologram Reagan is still an improvement over automaton Romney.
Bring on the black hair shoe polish! Ryan's on tonight too! Yee haw!
"Well, there you go again Mitt, show us your fucking taxes"
It's going to be a hologram of Sarah Palin – the only way to control her mouth – and she's ok with it, because she still gets paid.
Sarah Does Tampa.
hologram reagan will be more lifelike than mitt romney.
Did anyone just see this nightmare interview with Stephen Baldwin on Martin Bashir about 15 minutes ago? &*^%_*&^()(&!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's the giant mind f*** Koch Bros talking points we are into now, with the freshly arrested or whatever the blank Baldwin nutso just got arrested for….Here it is! The religious charities cannot afford to take care of all the poor sick people for the past 4 years because…..No one has a job and hence there are no donations to religious charities for 4 years because everyone KNOWS these charities take care of all the sick poor people except under Obama because….Obama took all the jobs away hence no religious charity donations. The gubmint does not need to take care of all the sick poor people, only when Obama is Preznit and destroys all jobs hence no religious charity donations hence sick poor people can't get all that church help that of course takes care of ALL sick poor people all the time 24/7 365 days a year. Religious charities feed, clothe & gives health care and surgery and chemo etc… to ALL sick people only when Obama isn't Preznit. AND the reason no Rethugs joined in on Obama's Jobs Bill, is because……Obamacare is so bad and terrible that no Rethugs trust Obama to join his Jobs Bill and employ Ameerikans. The End. Brought to you by: Stephen Baldwin nutso alkie just arrested and the desperate flailing losing in November Koch Bros. Yeah!
Baldwin and Kirk Cameron are in a race to see who gets institutionalized first.
Frothing at the mouth loons. This convention is a disaster and they are all getting meaner and meaner. Wait until the Grand Poobah of Mean Trump gets up on the podium. Does anyone remember when Bush Jr cut billions of Medicaid for SiCK POOR CHILDREN? It's one of the first things Obama instituted back into law to undo Bush's nightmare cuts for sick CHILDREN. I'm afraid this election will be a close one again and that's when the Rethugs steal elections ex: 2000 and 2004.
Everybody wins!
I'm looking forward to the part where Karl Rove genuflects to the Koch brothers and says "What is thy bidding?"
masturbating furtively? Does this involve out favorite plastic GOP babe Jenna Jameson?
Isn't he the evil one in Star Wars hologram chess?
Is that anything like the old computer game? http://www.mobygames.com/game/sega-cd/star-wars-c…
YUB NUB!!1!1
Mittens is such a horrible inter-actor he'll be conversing to an empty space three feet to the right of the hologram. Just like he does to everybody else.
Ronnie Raygun was once described as an amiable dunce, which is a perfect description of the mormon billionaire.
"Socially clueless shitty campaigner" is not the same as "dunce", and Romney is hardly "amiable."
And the people that knew him best knew him to be bitter as a spitting snake. I hope we never forget that he was an actor.
Ronnie was a petty, small man who held grudges…and played an amiable grandpa on TV.
I'd settle for Watson to be tied into FactCheck.org to call bullshit during every speech.
Tying up Watson's housekeeper Mrs. Hudson has always been one of my fantasies.
If the GOP main speaker is a hologram they better never talk shit about Obama's teleprompter again.
Good god, Tweety is interviewing XOD. Kill me now.
Welcome to the Cafe 80's, where it's always morning in America, even in the afternoo-noo-noon.
HOLY FUCK HOW CAN I BE MISSING A HOLOGRAM OF RONALD REAGAN?! I need to get to the RNC right now.
What would the difference be between hologram Nancy Reagan giving head and real, papery-fleshed Nancy Reagan giving head?
I don't know, but whatever you do, DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!
Aren't most of us already haunted by the Reagan presidency?
I'd love to see a hologram of Reagan at the convention, advocating amnesty for illegal aliens and freaking out when he found out GE wasn't paying any corporate taxes and forcing congress to fix the rules. Bring on Reagan, BABY!!
Will he be boffing Jane Wyman?
Hologram Calvin Coolidge or gtfo.
Why not skip the middleman and shell out for the merman jezus hologram? after everyone recognizes the missouri accent (and like Ashcroft, pronouncing it "mizzurah") everyone can stop making fun of Mitt's jupiter-american jezus.
will the reagan hologram shoot directly out of mitt's eyes like R2-D2?
Will Nancy come onstage and blow him?
Less Hologram Reagan !!
More Zombie Reagan !!
Zombie Reagan want brains!
Hologram Reagan want substance!
i look forward to hologram abraham lincoln materializing on the stage and FREAKING THE FUCK OUT at what his party has become.
They'll advertise a hologram, but it will just wind up being a 16mm projector running clips from "Death Valley Days" and "Hellcats of the Navy".
"Show's over, Synergy!"
The Misfits' songs are better!
just show one of reagan's greatest movies 'the killers' where he slaps around angie dickinson and gets shot by lee marvin
"Ronald Reagan's greatest performance." Talk about damning with faint praise.
Why is Huckabeeeeee being so cunty to DW Schultz? Seems a bit inhospitable for a southern gentleman
Uncle Sugar?? I'm gonna go ahead and say that's racist, without even googling it.
Hmmm, how are we gonna verify that 16 percent donation claim…. I wonder.
EEEWWW!
"Ronald Reagan you are? A shit I don't give."- Yoda.
Apparently, shark-jumping has become the official sport of the Republican Party.
Ghost of Chris Christie's mom. IN 3-D BITCHEZ!
Geek Test!
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