A Look Back At The Long Political Career of Ben Quayle

Dan Quayle’s weird kid, Congressman Ben, has had a long, fruitful tour through the halls of American power. He made his name writing pornography about all the bitchez he slammed in Scottsdale, for a blog. He made a comical ad where he called Barack Obama the worst president in history. He made more dumb creepy ads. He won his 2010 congressional race thanks to the big bucks he pulled in from daddy’s friends, like George H.W. Bush. Then he went party swimming in the Sea of Galilee, to procure water for his daughter’s baptism. And last night he lost his congressional primary, ha ha ha. He’s done. Boo!

But he had such potential!

Freshman Rep. Ben Quayle lost Tuesday night to fellow first-term Rep. David Schweikert in a fierce member vs. member GOP primary in Arizona, a stinging defeat after Quayle’s years-long struggle to shed his image as the privileged scion of political royalty.

With four-fifths of precincts reporting, Schweikert was leading Quayle, 53 percent to 47 percent and the Associated Press called the race. Redistricting thrust the two incumbents into battle for a Scottsdale-area seat.

Schweikert attacked Quayle mercilessly throughout the primary, telling voters he owes his position in Congress to his father’s name and connections. And Quayle’s past life gave Schweikert no shortage of other ammunition: Quayle was forced years ago to admit writing under a pseudonym for TheDirty.com, a racy site about Scottsdale nightlife, and had to contend with a picture that emerged of him partying in a cow costume.

It’s a shame. He was one of our absolute favorite targets for persecution. But now he will have to go back to writing blog pornography, like the rest of us, the end.


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. Baconzgood

    "picture that emerged of him partying in a cow costume."

    There goes Baconz political career before it even started.

    1. MacRaith

      I'd think partying without the cow costume would have gotten him in more trouble, but then I haven't seen the pictures.

    2. elgin_pelican

      Journalism tip – "picture that emerged of him partying in a cow costume." is your LEAD here.

        1. BoatOfVelociraptors

          Why am I imagining Ezra Klein pushing a tray down the line, adding policy papers as he goes?

  2. Geminisunmars

    How is it Wonkette that when I load this website I get an audio American for Prosperity Commerical playing. Does Wonkette need the monies this bad???? This sucks.

    1. Isyaignert

      Whenever I see a Reicht-winged ad on a site, I always click on it, because it costs those basturds money.

      Also, too, if you are unfortunate enough to get mail from the RNC with a self-addressed return envelope, just send it back to them stuffed with all kinds of coupons or junk mail and/or a one pound piece of steel. It'll cost them money too. Gawd I hate those fukers.

      1. BoatOfVelociraptors

        It does, but it also adds to the clickthrough rate, meaning that the ad sellers will have better metrics. Double edged sword.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Still, I like the idea of the RNC and conservative-themed book publishers funding the operations of our dear Wonkette.

  3. actor212

    had to contend with a picture that emerged of him partying in a cow costume

    Odd. You'd think that would be an asset in a Republican primary…

    1. Not_So_Much

      An actual cow, they'd understand. But playing dress-up? Might be The Ghey. Not the totally acceptable closeted kind either.

    1. OneDollarJuana


      "Members of Congress are eligible for a pension at age 62 if they have completed at least five years of service. They are eligible for a pension at age 50 if they have completed 20 years of service, or at any age after completing 25 years of service. The amount of the pension depends on years of service and the average of the highest three years of salary. By law, the starting amount of a member’s retirement annuity may not exceed 80 percent of his or her final salary."

      From http://factcheck.org/2007/12/congressional-pensio

    1. actor212

      His family has a fairly long and important history in both Indiana and Arizonan politics. Grandpa owned both the Arizona Republic and Indianapolis Star newspapers.

      1. Negropolis

        Having a "long and important" history in the states of Indiana (dumb) and Arizona (dumber) ain't sayin' much.

    2. MosesInvests

      Hey, let's not forget that he thought the Martian "canals" proved the existence of intelligent life on the Red Planet.

    3. HogeyeGrex

      In today's Republican Party?

      Shit, having more than a half a dozen teeth makes you an over-edumacated elitist.

  4. jaytingle

    Sounds great until one considers that odious was defeated by other odious. Perhaps other odious will be pushed out in the general. In Scottsdale, Arizona. Going back to sleep.

  5. polnick

    Two of America’s most talented entrepreneurs should be running in the 2012 presidential elections, they are Jay-Z, and Kid Rock. Both are great musicians and skilled businessmen. They might not provide jobs but will have the downtrodden hopping and rocking.

    1. actor212

      Yes, because a clown who's only claim to fame is getting blown by Pamela Anderson…and really, who hasn't?…should be in charge of you.

    2. Dildeaux

      Round heeah, we deduct style points for simply uttering the name of the detroit douchebag. Shameful.

        1. IncenseDebate

          An excellent choice! He may be dead but his memory is persistent! He would melt the debt clock no problem!

  6. ChernobylSoup

    "I told him, 'run over a poor, single mother with your truck and you'll clinch the nomination.' Know what he said? 'But I don't drive a truck.' Geez, I gotta get a candidate I can work with."

    1. SorosBot

      So he doesn't randomly tell his wife how many miles he has on his truck during bedtime conversations?

    1. ChernobylSoup

      I don't know what the word misogyny means but you better not be making fun of Marilyn Quayle's hair.

  7. MissTaken

    Congressman/pron blogger, I served with Brock Landers, I knew Brock Landers, Brock Landers was a friend of mine. Congressman, you're no Brock Landers.

  8. garryboldwater

    I disageee that Obama is the worst President ever. He's at least tied with George W. Bush and Herbert Hoover.

      1. garryboldwater

        You actually watched the convention? I was busy picking gum off the sidewalk in front of my house.

  9. DonnyKerabotsos


    I picked this guy on my 'who is the mystery speaker at the GOP convention' pool.
    Does this rule him out?

  10. MonkeyMotion

    "But now he will have to go back to writing blog pornography."

    Well, at least it'll be more entertaining (and much more reality-based) than the GOP-talking points he's been spewing for years.

    Bu-bye, Benny!

  11. SorosBot

    He should forever be grateful to Sarah Palin for making his father no longer be the poster child for horrible VP picks.

    1. garryboldwater

      My favorite VP pick of all time would have to be Admiral James Stockdale (Ross Perot). The only real drawbacks he had were being deaf and falling asleep during debates. Beside that, he was great.

  12. Jus_Wonderin

    Ah, it's sorta like term limits without all the mess. Cool. Now this fellow that beat him? Is he an asshole too?

    1. LibertyLover

      Sadly, he's a bigger asshole. He tried to get people to quit their dollars in favor of a dollar coin… that's been tried so many times there is a whole warehouse full of Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea Coins in Washington because no one wanted them.

  13. Guppy

    We can forgive writing pornography.

    Writing bad pornography, on the other hand, well… that's a paddlin'.

  14. James Michael Curley

    "Dying Quayle" is an obscure ballet choreographed by Nijinsky. After the first adagio a grand balancoire is executed and just before the final coupe of the movement, you step on your dick.

  15. notanncoulter

    Oh thank GOD [big G big O big D].
    That commercial wherein he calls Obama the worst president ever almost cost me a nearly-new television. Fortunately, the only think within quick reach the first time I saw it was the cat… and I knew that was a bad idea for both of us ;0)
    The world of humor may be worse off as a result of his loss, but everyone else is far better off, and that's a good thing ®
    For this pustule of a being to pass judgment on anyone or anything is unthinkable.

  16. MozakiBlocks

    I want to thank my fellow Wonkeratti for the laffs in this thread. Makes my hangover go away.

  17. dopper0189

    Maybe he should go home and have a baked "p-o-t-a-t-o-e" like his dad taught him to spell it!

Comments are closed.