YOU DIDN'T BUILD THAT RONALD REAGAN DID  9:20 pm August 28, 2012

Liveblogging Tampa Tuesday: Ann Romney, Governor Sandwiches, And Other Heroes

by Jim Newell

Mmm, alien dickSome good news on this, the first real night of the Republican National Convention: The Baltimore Orioles are beating the Chicago White Sox 6-0 in the bottom of the 8th inning, (hopefully) allowing them to maintain the wild card lead for another night. There’s bad news too: It’s the first real night of the Republican National Convention. So far we’ve been tuning in and seen 175,032 different people saying, “DERR DERR, remember when Obama said he built all those small businesses, well, DEERRRRR, SPLAT, he didn’t, now I’m gonna do some copper wiring.” We Built That is the theme! Let’s liveblog these meatballs for an hour and a half or so while we bring the empty beer count to double digits…

9:20 — Look, it’s Rick Santorum! [smoke break]
9:22 — Santorum’s son can’t be there because he’s starting at the Citadel, chasing one of the .1 females on campus with a spiked club. We’re proud of you, son!
9:23 — Poor mothers don’t get married because they have welfare, we must end welfare, etc.
9:26 — Somehow he transitioned from that to President Obama “waiving the work requirement” for welfare! Zimzamzoom, those segues go. When President Obama is waiving laws, “we can no longer be a Republic.” We thought Kelly Ayotte bragging about how her husband quit his commercial pilot track to bomb people in Iraq and then sell lemonade or whatever was the worst speech of the night, but now here’s Weird Rick!
9:28 — Santorum is talking about all the hands he’s shaken. Man hands, lady hands, war hands, small business hands, sad hands, happy hands, “hands growing weary of not finding” a job, “little broken hands of the disabled” (no seriously), hands that give us joy, black hands, white hands, space hands, hands hands hands — he’s just a handsie kinda guy!
9:32 — Hands across the water, hands across the sky.


9:34 — Well Rick Santorum is still the biggest shitsack in the lower 48, glad to know that. And here’s the new GOP white Mexican of the hour, Ted Cruz!
9:36 — He’s dumped the podium and is just walking around on the stage like a televangelist. “I want to tell you a love story.” Great, that’s exactly what we wanted to hear from Ted Cruz. Oh, ha, the love story is about the Constitution. George Washington came all over that Constitution, and that’s how we learned to grow maize.
9:41 — Ted Cruz is awful. Other than that, no news to report.
9:44 — “Let me give you a government check, and make you depend on the government. And don’t bother to learn English” — what a major party United States Senate candidate thinks a Democratic bureaucrat says, to humans.
9:46 — Who is this guano-gargling asshole?
9:47 — Hey it’s Artur Davis, former Democrat. Let’s care?…
9:48 — “We’ve got a country to turn around.” Dude, you’re unemployed.
9:50 — ‘WOOKIES, FROM THE COMMENTS SECTION: “Ugh — this fundamentalist disabled-child-fetishism is exactly the opposite of compassion and really quite repugnant.” Stop making fun of Ann Romney’s MS, guys.
9:55 — Well, Artur Davis is a titanic whore.
9:57 — Hey, it’s Nikki Haley!
9:58 — Nikki Haley, also, too, corrects the President on his apparent false claim that he was the proprietor of Nikki Haley’s parents’ small business.
9:59 — Haley is wearing a full 743% of the collective wealth of South Carolina on her shirt.
10:00 — She compares requiring voter ID to requiring ID to buy Sudafed at a drug store. Eh, making sure people can vote is probably more important than letting people get a drug company profit-booster, you fucking asshole. (PhRMA Lobbyists will disagree.)
10:04 — Always amazed when governors try to get credit for balancing their budgets when 49 of them are required to balance their budgets each year. (With a healthy dose of federal money.)
10:06 — Oh, lest we forget: She describes a fancy new non-union “Mack Daddy Plane” that her state’s gonna build, in their non-union plants. “Mack Daddy Plane.”
10:07 — Here is a Mexican lady from Puerto Rico [smoke break]
10:11 — Ann, Ann, she’s our Ann, if she can’t do it, Ann Ann Ann! Hurry up so the fat guy can talk, please.
10:12 — Ann thanks the first responders from ________.
10:13 — “I want to talk to you from my heart, about… our hearts.” “Tonight, I want to talk to you about love” STARBURSTS!
10:15 — Good time to note that Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life.
10:16 — “I love you WOOOOMMMMEEEEENNN!” Has she been stealing painkillers from Cindy McCain’s charity like Cindy McCain used to do?
10:18 — SMOKEFILLEDROOMMATE, IN THE COMMENTS SECTION: “Young girls in audience: ‘I’m gonna be a mommy! Yay!’”
10:19 — “I am the granddaughter of a Welsh coal miner.” Ann Romney’s had it tough.
10:21 — “We got married and moved into a basement apartment.” WOOOO!
10:22 — “Well, that was 42 years ago and I’ve survived.” Really should’ve started and ended the story with that.
10:23 — “What Mitt and I have is a real marriage.” The crowd is going nuts for that dumb line… because it’s not a Gay Marriage?
10:25 — Your Wonkette, for one, would like to hear more about this “being poor at 22″ concept. What is that kind of obscure poverty like? (Also, you weren’t.)
10:26 — Ann was there in those trying early days when Mitt Romney, son of the Governor of Michigan, had just gotten his MBA and JD degrees from Harvard and was “starting out.”
10:30 — This speech sucks!
10:30 — Mitt “brought me home from that dance.” Whose house?
10:32 — Mittens in on stage! Are those Mittbot… tears? Thank god the gofer remembered to get those at the CVS.
10:32 — Ooh, a montage of Chris Christie berating children!
10:35 — Oh my god you guys, the FATTEST PERSON WE HAVE EVER SEEN just walked onto the stage. Ha ha ha!
10:36 — Did you see him walk on stage? Waddle waddle waddle, whee!
10:38 — Chris Christie’s parents were the poorest people who have ever lived. Mom took 64 buses to work, and made no money, ever.
10:39 — Chris Christie taught his sons on “the field of mendom.”
10:40 — When is he going to smash an ice cream cone in some joe’s face on the boardwalk?
10:41 — Liquified ham sandwiches are being sent up his butt via a reverse-enema, every three seconds. This could backfire quite literally!
10:42 — Quick Midspeech Wonkette Interview!

Jim: Yo give me a quote for my RNC liveblog
Former Wonkette editor Sara K. Smith: You think I’m watching that new modern trash?

10:44 — This is a rather boring, formulaic speech from the big lug. “They said we couldn’t do it… we did it!” choruses and all that.
10:48 — “They believe in pitting unions against teachers… they believe in unions, we believe in teachers.” Direct Contradictions/Santelli ’16?
10:52 — Mitt Romney looks absolutely terrified when Christie mentions his name. Who is this shifty-eyed hoodlum?
10:55 — The biggest lie of the night is when all of these speakers say they have “faith in America.” They all have private jets ready to pop off to Singapore five minutes after the call.
10:57 — If we have to hear another goddamn politician claim that they’re destroying social programs because they care about their “children and grandchildren”…
10:59 — Chris Christie is ordering people to stand up! STAND UP OR GET SHOT AND DIE.
11:00 — Thank god, it’s over. We’ve got nothing else to say– Oh my god, 3 Doors Down is playing onstage now. LIVEBLOG OVER.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 1019 comments }

FlyOverGirl August 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Oh, Santorum. Always talking about the dead – the fetuses or the olds.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

But no care for the living.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

He is a creepy fucker.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:12 am

Yes, Santorum I think is officially the creepiest guy in the GOP…which is saying A LOT (Kilmeade, Doochey, Limblob, the entire religious right and tea party…). I didn't watch the speech, I COULDN'T watch the speech, I tried but I kept saying "shut the fuck up Santorum" after every line and I think my neighbors were becoming worried there was an assault about to go down…

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:17 am

Dude, we bots have to stick together on this. No getting the popos involved.

Come here a minute August 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

The latest from Huckabee: Mitt Romney is your asshole doctor.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Hey, MY asshole is right on the end of my ass, where it belongs. If Mitt can't find an ass to which to belong, that's his lookout. And stop calling me doctor.

Butch_Wagstaff August 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I've been loving the whole line of "You don't have to like the guy to want him to become President."
Jesus-jumping-jack-Christ. Have they just basically given up? Do they realize what message that sends?
"We hate him but he's all we've got!"

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Just, I mean, just … geeze. "When you have brain cancer, you don't care if your surgeon's a jerk"? And Christie grandstanding for all he's worth with his eye on 2016. Ann Romney must feel like she's chewing on nails.

BerkeleyBear August 29, 2012 at 12:06 am

One of the most telling statements at the DNC in 2004 (I think it was on the Daily Show, but I could be wrong) was when a delegate said "I'd nominate a ham sandwich over bush" in response to questions of Kerry's charisma. Pretty strong tell you are gonna have a hard time with anyone who needs to be converted.

And yeah, I'm enjoying the hell out of the shoe being on the GOP foot this time.

iburl August 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Somebody call 311, I can't stop saying "Fuck You, White Boy!" over and over again.

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:36 am

Right? Total Aryan Youth rally

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

"In America we believe in the freedom and the responsibility that comes with it."

Except for paying taxes and tithing, which are for the poor. Anyone else notice that Mitt tithes at 7%? It's indicative of the GOP's math problems.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Mmm. I did not notice that as I froth at the mouth every time I think that he pays less than half of what I pay in taxes. Another thing, my parents were blue-collar poor, but I remember distinctly their figuring the pittance of a family budget so they could tithe 10 percent to the Presbyterian Church, so it really enrages when he gets on his pious high horse (as opposed to his prancy, dancy Olympic horse) about how much he tithes. BFD, Romney, BFD.

miss_grundy August 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm

He only tithes at 7%?? But I thought that in order to tithe correctly, you had to at least tithe 10%. So he can't even tithe correctly? How did this asshat become so rich if he can't even do basic mathematics–by cheating????!!!

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Imagine that! Cheating! Who'd'a thunk?

Ducksworthy August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Well to be fair, he also gave millions to the Mormon Prop 8 campaign. Of course, that was with the promise that they'd pay him back by giving him millions in 2012.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

What's Wolf doing in that pic? Biting his tongue so he doesn't call Isaac's victims so poor and so black?

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I thought it was Wolf too. I thought it was Wolf doing what comes natural at the RNC convention. Puking.

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 9:32 am

My offer of $500 for a photo of Editrix running down a hall with Steve Doocy's hairpiece is still open.

fartknocker August 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Grandpa Santorum never got any gubermint aid but I'll bet he was happy when the Mine Safety Act was passed.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Grandpa Santorum fled the fascists in Italy. Who wanted to kill him because he was a Communist. Rick for some reason leaves that last part out.

Oh and I'm not joking:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/01/11/

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

GRANDPA Santorum I think I would have liked. We'd have shared a glass of Sangiovese and sung the Internationale. BABY Santorum can go fuck himself.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I hope you don't mean Gabriel!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:15 am

No doubt a trade unionist/communist…was granpa Santorum one of the dreaded Wobblies? I'll bet if he were alive he'd strangle Ricky boy with his still born child's umbilical cord weird Rick no doubt keeps in his wallet. I was just thinking about that…not to make too much fun but, his wife had a still born and Santorum took the dead fetus-child and made the living children hug it….and no one objected? Not his wife? the doctor? his priest? no.one.objected.to.forcing.children.to.handle.a.dead.fetus….

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

You do know that most of Rick's family would admire to kick his ass black and blue, right?

bumfug August 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Most honest part so far was when the convention-goers shouted down their own Puerto Rican delegate with USA USA chants because brown with accent = illegal-job-thieving-drug-mule.

AutomaticPilot August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Chanting "USA, USA!!" pretty much solves any problem there is.

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

The fucking asswipes will probably prove to be the majority of "eligible" voters in November.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Do you think teh Brownz&Blackz who are watching might finally be getting the message that the Republican party does NOT like, support, or care for them in the slightest?

ibwilliamsi August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Shutthefuckup! There aren't any BrownzorBlackz watching that shit!

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:13 am

Geez, OK. (checks pockets for drogas) Here, would you like a lollipop? It's *very* tasty. (Hands it over)

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Don't forget the wimmenz. I have rarely been as condescended to as I was by Ann's speech. Goddammit, Repugs, not all of us are vacuous and stupid and think you hang the moon just because of that thang between your legs.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:16 am

Indeed. I'm being treated to the sight of the Republicans, who passed 300 bills to control women's health and welfare, patting the entire female half of the population on the head while telling them there is no war on women, and if there is it's the mean ol' Democrats who are doing it.

What they're doing to the LGBTQ community is beyond belief.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:22 am

You know she was reaching out to the "math is hard!" women who supported Palin in 2008. What I think is funny is adding the unspoken words at the end of every line she referenced her child raising years with: "because the servants told me". That also explains the condescending tone, she only deals with people who work for her husband who are by definition, lower beings…

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 1:55 am

It's like they keep digging up the corpse of irony and defiling all over again.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

He had a fetus in his shirt pocket, right behind the flag pin.

AutomaticPilot August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

It's planning to go on a date later with Barbara Bush's jar fetus.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

That's the real love story, Jarbara and Gabriel…

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

rematch.com?

viennawoods13 August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Dammit, I shouldn't have laughed, but I did.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Shorter Santorum: Government can't fix the economy, but can impose morality.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Even shorter Santorum: Hand Jobs!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:23 am

even shorter Santorum: I likes dead fetuses and hates the ghey

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 10:24 am

I hate the gOP

natoslug August 29, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I hate

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Ann Romney, I'm expecting a Tijuana -esq "equestrian show" or I'm flipping over to Storage Wars.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

You think you'll even see a hint of her temple garments?

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I've been thinking about those temple garments lately. After Romney's "Birth Certificate" joke the Right so soundly defended, I keep hoping Obama will make a "magic underwear" joke.
Everybody would also defend that as needing a little levity in the campaigns too, right?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Let me guess: you're white.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Nah- Obama doesn't need to be going there, but someone needs to get deputized…

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Amen. Joe?

emmelemm August 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Hey man, Storage Wars is entertaining!

vulpes82 August 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

I come for the Barry, I stay for the Brandy.

emmelemm August 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I love Barry, because even though he occasionally rambles on that "he needs the money" or "this unit better pay off", he CLEARLY doesn't need the money (and doesn't give a fuck).

Whenever he finds something really cool, that's worth a ton of dough, he ends up keeping it!

GeorgiaBurning August 29, 2012 at 2:04 am

that brings back memories, though I think Rafalca is a mare

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 9:33 am

Ann Romney's entire reason for electing Mitt is he didn't date-rape her. Think about that.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Hard work is the key to hard work.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Allow me to translate that into Republicanese.
More money is the key to more money.

Sparky McGruff August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Being willing and able to screw over anyone and everyone to make some scratch is the Romney way.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 10:25 am

I built this! 1,000

bumfug August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Even when it's obviously a fork, Wolf always looks like he's gobbling cock.

ChernobylSoup August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I had to turn off the TV. I hate these people and everything they say and think and do so much it was starting to make me want cut myself.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

What a coincidence. It made me want to cut you too. (and everybody else)

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Yes, Repuglycuntz can bring the stabby-hatey to impressive levels all by their lonesome, can't they?

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I feel your pain. So blindingly white, too.

miss_grundy August 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I turned on PBS just to watch NewsHour and I could only take it for a minute. I would rather watch a cheesy movie from the 80s on the This network than watch those asshats for an hour.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

(Hugs ChernobylSoup) There, there. Don't let the bastards get you down. Always remember, it's just as easy to cut someone *else.* If not easier, because, you know, if you're dyslexic, you get left and right mixed up and you can't do it in a mirror anyway, because the blood gets all over every … why is everybody staring at me?

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 11:54 pm
MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:21 am

OMG, I fucking LOVE IT. ThankyewsewMUCH, AlterNewt!

It's *just* the kind of thing I'd do, too.

slowhansolo August 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Booze helps.

Isyaignert August 29, 2012 at 1:08 am

I end up with Republicon tourettes whenever I hear one of those fukheads. Jeezuz fuk we're a bunch of dumb@sses in 'merika!

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:22 am

Well, in all fairness, not ALL of us. (looks around, steps back into the protective circle of Teh Wonketz)

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

YOU DIDN'T WRITE THAT!

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I can't watch. Are there any teleprompters there?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

Santorum was trying to say he helped write the 1996 welfare reform law in a way that Obama couldn't waive the work requirements, which is an amazing mountain of bullshit in multiple ways.

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 9:34 am

COTD!

No, of the entire week!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Yes, the local community must be in charge of our schools; otherwise kids might learn facts, instead of being taught that the Earth is 6000 years old and the stars are on a fixed sphere that rotates around it and the planets and Sun which also revolve around the Earth.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Solar fusion is a MYTH.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

And the theory of relativity is just propaganda for moral relativism!

(This is what conservapedia actually claims).

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Why did they leave out of the bible the part where Jesus describes how things look from his POV when he's riding on a light beam?

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

The theory of gravity is also a myth.
Listen to these guys and you'll realize it's just that the whole world sucks.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

ISWYDT

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:28 am

Hah! Andy has more brain fart claims than that one, doozy as it is. Did you know black holes are just lib-speak to get people to stop reading their bibles? And there are "conservative" words and "liberal" words (that only Andy knows..) and the "conservative" words are winning? That man is a one-man band of crazy.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Or, like Texas Republicans did, write into your party platform that you are against critical thinking. I am glad I am 64. I do not want to be around in 30 or 40 years.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I keep hoping that in 30 or 40 years the Federation will finally be in charge.

GhostBuggy August 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

At this point, I'd take Kahn and his gang.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Fuck, I'd rather be assimilated by the Borg than Romney.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:31 am

or maybe we could find LV-426 and get all the Repubs attacked by face huggers? Think of all the quiet we'd have and the Xenomorphs would have plenty of nutrients in those fat bags of shit to live off. Then we get to watch them explode out their chests on tv! Marcus Bachmann would die with a smile knowing he gave birth to something that looks quite like a penis with sharp teeth….

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:34 am

That's all I need to accompany me into sweet sleep. The thought of Marcus Bachmann's dick reborn as a monster with giant teeth and TWO heads. (My dick is a MONster!)

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:26 am

woah, woah woah there nerd bot science boy…who said anything about there being 'stars' in the sky? Those are the twinkly eyes of angels watching EVERYTHING we do (except for when our moral betters have gay sex or commit embezzlement or cheat with their secretary, etc.)…and the world IS 6,000 years old, the Earth NEVER changes! Methinks you are edging too closely toward believing the universe doesn't revolve around the Earth, either…

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:38 am

HERETIC!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

"Obama rules like he is above the law" how exactly? Really Rick, give one example where he has done this – unlike his predecessor who illegally created a gulag and ordered torture without any authorization in the law.

BerkeleyBear August 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

The fact he hasn't done it is just evidence of his intention to do it if he gets re-elected.

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Exactly. Their paranoia is justified because they're paranoid.

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Eh, the drones thing pisses me off. But still voting for Bammers nonetheless.

miss_grundy August 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Because as President, Obama gets to sign bills that tells WHITE PEOPLE what they have to do…

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Zactly!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 1:34 am

One thing I liked about the Newsroom was when Jeff Daniels started grilling the idiots on their claims: "name 3 freedoms you've lost as a result of Obama's presidency, senator Santorum"…"Obamacare!" "have you had to change your doctor? has your wife, your children? has anyone you know had to change their doctor?" "stammer, stammer…" (GOP convention douche pulls the plug on the idea).

outragedcitizen August 29, 2012 at 9:02 am

Hey, Shrub's pet Asian told him torture was ok, so it's not his fault… just like everything else that went wrong, (pretty much everything), cause it all somehow magically transferred into Obama's first term as President.

ChernobylSoup August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

There were times in my childhood and adolescence when I told a lie so much with such ferocity that eventually I would believe it. Don't most people grow out of that? Republicans never stop, do they?

Isyaignert August 29, 2012 at 1:10 am

'specially when there's this thing called "Lying for the Lord" that Rmoney employs 24/7.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I bet Santorum didn't clasp any hands that held rap CDs.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Not even the ones with Tipper stickers?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Santorum's getting all handsy. Watch out, kids.

slowhansolo August 28, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I will see Gilliam-esque nightmarescapes of hands rising from fresh gravesites, only to be cut off like flower blooms, in my dreams tonight. Hence, the whisky.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 2:34 am

Well thankyewveddymuch for sharing.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm
finallyhappy August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Why should their campaign have to be about truth or facts? That's like saying you should teach science or math instead of whatever flies out your ass

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 11:38 pm

And two compliant Republican governors are now disavowing their earlier requests for waivers. No, they weren't requests for waivers — they were just letters that mentioned waivers. And the other excuse was "we wanted Congress to do this, not the executive branch." Which is why the letter went to Kathleen Sebelius. The bullshit and backpedaling is just astonishing.

glamourdammerung August 28, 2012 at 11:53 pm
FlyOverGirl August 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Yay, sex before marriage leads to poverty.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I'm glad I've taken a vow of poverty.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Wasn't his sainted wife living with a doctor before she hooked up with frothy mixture?

MosesInvests August 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

An abortionist, yet!

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Yes, and poverty still exists. See?

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:28 am

poverty is only for poor people.

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

That Gov. McDonnell makes Miss Lindsey look positively butch!

Poindexter718 August 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

OMG Santorum is all over America's hands!!!
Wash up, America! Now!!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Ugh — this fundamentalist disabled-child-fetishism is exactly the opposite of compassion and really quite repugnant.

PsycWench August 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Some disabilities are detectable with amnio or ultrasound, which leads to this interesting fact: Greatly reduce healthcare availability and women are going to abort a pregnancy with a disabled child that they might have wanted to carry to term. Sounds a little counterproductive, no?

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Not when abortion is outlawed, except for those who can afford it, of course.

ibwilliamsi August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

How are their disabled children going to figure out how to buy the right insurance every year with a death coupon when they're gone?

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

As the father of a disabled child, I can say that you are right on. Thankfully, mine has intact hands.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I saw Ann Romney on the news today talking about what her father told her on his death bed just minutes before he died. Her writers are really stretching the tear jerk crap. I imagine her speach tonight will induce vomiting and diabetes at the same time.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

She will talk about how she learned to let go of calling Rafalca "Loser".

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Darest one hope for a slide show of McNaughton and Kinkade paintings in the background?

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Thank you Ann for sharing your Father's most personal moments for political gain. I'm sure he would be proud.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

He was a politician too. And an atheist who got converted to LDS a year after he died. http://bit.ly/Pq2GOW

e_z August 29, 2012 at 5:01 am

Oh, a retroactive Later Day Saint? Like Mitt's retroactive Baine resignation.

Truely faith is a wonderful thing, eh?

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 7:43 am

Her story just burns me up every time I hear it. She was raised better than what she became.

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 9:59 pm

What did he tell her? What did he tell her?
"Don't swallow!"?

shelwood46 August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

"For fuck's sake, don't you dare baptize me as a Mormon."

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I call bullshit. I've been with several ill people right before they died. They are in a comatose state and are unresponsive for quite a while before they actually expire. Lying sack of shit much?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Depends on age and condition. Mom literally popped off while the nurse had her back turned. Massive heart attack.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Hi Z, dahlink. Did you bring teh carmel popcorn?

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:07 am

Sure thing, babycakes. (Hugs you) Settle on in, I'll pour the wine or soda.

ThundercatHo August 29, 2012 at 12:08 am

Sorry about your mom, sweetie. Guess I was trying to say it's not like the movies or Egg's fantasy life. My mom is almost 85 and is still going strong. I really hope when she goes it's in the middle of a spine-straightening orgasm with her new husband or some dramatic collapse on the dance floor. My mother-in-law had a massive MI too but lingered in a coma for several days.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:03 am

Hey, TcH! No worries, I couldn't stand her and I was really relieved not to have to wait on her hand and foot any more. But I do get your drift. Wow, it's so cool that your Mom's still going strong! Mine popped her clogs in her 85th year and, our many years of enmity aside, I'm very glad she went quick and painlessly. Dad finally passed a year ago, at 96, and that was awful. I'm kinda hoping I go like my Mom or, quite frankly, better yet, YOURS. A spine-straightening orgasm sounds like just the thing for this ancient spine! (Hugs the TcH)

ibwilliamsi August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Did he say "Don't make me a Mormon!"?

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

What makes you more nauseous: the pulsating background or the pulsating asshole.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I don't know. I do know what won't be pulsating for a while though.

Angry_Marmot August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

One of them big queen bugs from Starship Troopers is using a Santorum hand puppet. That's what makes his mouth do that.

Butch_Wagstaff August 28, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I noticed that. I only watched a few minutes of Krispy Khristie and, at first, I thought I was hallucinating. Then I thought maybe it was supposed to induce some hypnotic effect on viewers. So I turned it off.

BarryWDC August 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Oh GAWD, I know that when I listen to and watch Rick Santorum, I'm 'sposed to think of patriotism and family values and all that stuff. But I always remember the first definition of "Santorum" on Google–which honored his name as defining the unfortunate splattery bi-product of anal sex and too much lubrication. THAT is how I remember "man on dog" Santorum. May god bless Amurika.

ChernobylSoup August 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

That was the Lord's work.

BarryWDC August 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Can I get an Amen?

ibwilliamsi August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Need to click on some appropriate "Santorum" google results just to make sure that no one forgets what it is.

polnick August 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Individual issues between the presidential candidates are not getting voters excited, that is why they are tied in the polls. Discovering their supporting base should give us a clue to why one candidate is not 20 points ahead of the other. Half the voters must prefer a dark horse that is the only logical conclusion. The candidate that gets the most racists to support him will become the next president.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Excuse me, but what the actual fuck?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Troll Alert.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Either that or just got the cray cray real bad.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 11:15 pm

After reading his shit at Intense Debate, I'm voting for that.

Butch_Wagstaff August 28, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Has to be. I read the comment three times and couldn't make since of it.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I wish someone would ask embryo-fetishist Ricky what he thinks about legitimate rape.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I wish someone would ask that cadaverous motherfucker Paul Ryan if he knows that Mitt Romney wrote taxpayer-funded abortion into law and then made $50 million in profit from disposing of the aborted fetuses. Someone RLY needs to ask that holier-than-thou prat that question.

Boojum August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Most of these fucks, if answering honestly, would say, "In favor."

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Chris Matthews just said Santorum didn't talk about welfare reform when he just spent half the speech talking about welfare reform. Good job, Tweety.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Another lie! The state of Texas is in no way, shape or form "great".

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

"the little broken hands of the disabled."

I MAY NEVER STOP VOMITING

(yes, I said this in the other thread. But you see, I am still vomiting.)

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I can justify my compulsive stealing of airline puke bags because of situations like this.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 6:00 am

Now that's a good plan. Why didn't I think of this during the Shrub Administration?

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Next time you eat some suspicious mushrooms, just remember this and you can avoid the ipecac.

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Who broke their little hands? That's what I wanna know.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Obama's Chicago-style union thugs, of course.

Incitefully_Joe August 29, 2012 at 7:21 am

Do Chicago-style union thugs come with pickle, tomato, and celery salt?

Angry_Marmot August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Go to your Happy Place.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I'm kinda disabled, and my hands work fine.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I was just thinking the same thing. I may be a gimp, but my hands are just fine, fuckyouverymuch, Rick Fecalube.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

It's the story…of a man named Brady….

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Hey, Texan, you know that Martin Luther King and the man responsible for beating the Nazis (FDR) were both, you know, liberals.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

MLK was a Republican!!!!!!!! And Eisenhower beat the Nazis!!!!! Because Reagan!

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Whatcha drinking tonight, Dok? I think I want some.

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

"Fuck these people" is going to work as a comment for every post for the rest of the week. Not just at Wonkette, either.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

OK, fine, then I WON'T do that post about Doctors Without Borders. Jeeze.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Or the one about the porcupines?

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 29, 2012 at 2:19 am

In the context of a post about Doctors Without Borders (pretend I wrote that in French) it would mean something like "please have sex with these nice people," which I think is a fine and noble sentiment.

DemmeFatale August 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

This (glorious) live- blog is as close as I can get to the assholes at this convention of hate.
(I'd rather watch the Yankees beat the Jays.)

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

This guy must have hated Bush.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Why do they keep attacking George Bush, anyway? I mean, that's the only thing they can be doing by talking about how horrible the debt he created is.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:29 am

I thought the party line was that he was never president.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

He says that we don't want to be Greece – then says we need to turn to free markets instead of government spending. Moran, it's the lack of government spending that has made Greece become such a clusterfuck.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I must have missed the part where Obama wanted to dump the dollar and sign us up for the euro.

Isyaignert August 29, 2012 at 1:15 am

Also too, Greece was sold a bucket of chit by the fukkin basturds at Sachs of Goldman. How come that smug little fuk Lloyd Blankfein is still walking around a free man? That little chit should be rotting in a rat-infested cell somewhere very hot or very cold.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I'm really enjoying the fact that MSNBC is taking a break from the awful speeches for a few minutes.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Government takeovers, you mean like bailing out the banks like GW Bush did?

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

The delegates are figuring out that Cruz is a Brown. They are booing him. Good move GOP!

MosesInvests August 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Really? They're booing Cruz? Good!

miss_grundy August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I hope Latinos, especially Puerto Ricans, are watching one of their own being booed even though he is a Republican. Despierta, comemierda, tienes que votar Democrata!

PsycWench August 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Is it possible that there is an alternate "opposite" universe and we are just glimpsing part of it?

emmelemm August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

This IS the darkest timeline.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I've gathered fake goatees for us all to wear until we can grow them for real. Oh and someone dyed her hair blue, which is just as bad as how I lost my friggin' arm.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Damn, what would Santorum think of that? Not the hair, the arm?

Isyaignert August 29, 2012 at 1:19 am

Wow – You lost your arm? I am so terribly sorry; how awful. At least you didn't lose your wit, intelligence, sense of irony or passion for the truth.

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Do the little dogs have spikes and horns? (Warning: STOS reference)

viennawoods13 August 28, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Sheffield Teachers' Operatic Society?

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I know, right? I'm just waiting for the Smoke Monster to rear its faceless head.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 1:13 am

I think it looks like Ryan now.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

That's mean of them to put a debt clock up knowing that the delegates can't count beyond 1, 2, Oops.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Now, most of them can count to 10; 20 if they take off their shoes.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

23 if they can use their teeth

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:20 am

21 if they don't have to.

Come here a minute August 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

One hand, Two hands, Red hands, Blue hands,
Black hands, Blue hands, Old hands, New hands.
This one has a little car.
This one has a little star.
Say! What a lot of hands there are.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

"Look at these hands!" "The hands of a Government Man" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_OUj1o4FvI

viennawoods13 August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

little broken hands

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Tiny little plastic doll hands like Kirsten Wiig used in that SNL skit about the Lenox sisters (?) on Lawrence Welk?

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 1:14 am

Lennon.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 11:37 am

Yeah.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Who the hell is this pasty little shit? "Government is not the answer?" Really, motherfucker? You know what you're convened in Tampa for, right? If you believe government can't help, then don't vote for someone who also believes that — it's faaaaar too easy a promise to keep, as Dubya showed us.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Aaaaaannnnnnd here's Bobby!
Where's my gubbermint MONEY Obama?
Ironic no?

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Government is not the answer.
Then go get a job selling diet supplements or something, asshole.

miss_grundy August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

If government isn't the answer what are they doing in a building that was built with 62% of it funded by tax payers???????? Why didn't they go to someone's house to have this meeting?

SchemeZ August 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Did the founders have a credit line with France?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm
The_Lucky_Wife August 28, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I'm all for firing aderps like Ryan. Amazing how they never include themselves when it comes to cutting "the fat" from government.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

That's a beautiful thing.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Look, a black man that works for a racist magazine! They say republicans can't compromise.

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Why isn't anyone talking about the shameful fact that Ted Cruz is a CANADIAN? SHOW US THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!

Warpde August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Hey!!!
There's a reason we Canadians kicked his ass out.
P.S. Don't try to smuggle him back.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:05 am

Geezus! You mean YOU GUYS are responsible for inflicting this cunt on us?

WTF, man? I thought you Canadiens were NICE.

shebeers August 29, 2012 at 2:58 am

Judy & Gwen on PBS mentioned his country of origin, and I swear they were trying not to laugh.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

So… I'm guessing this is the GOP's answer to Crist?

Does Crist really need an answer?

GemlikeFlame August 28, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Crist is not the answer, Crist is the question (in more ways than one). No is the answer.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Oh deities is it ever.

JackObin August 28, 2012 at 9:51 pm

America is clearly irrelevent. Embarrassing doesn't begin to describe this nonsense. Why any intelligent person would want to reside here is baffling.

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Hey! It's the Cleveland Show!

FakaktaSouth August 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Artur is my former rep. What a whorish prick. I lost the tv upstairs in the divorce and my kids are watching something way more coherent and important on disney, so I need to know what happens, especially if Ann comes out on that horse naked.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

she is naked. how did you know?

randcoolcatdaddy August 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I'm so sorry for the Wonkettz, trapped on the Island of Misfit Toys, unable to escape as the discarded amusements of the past try to get someone to play with them again.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I have never heard a Democrat say they have a duty to grow government. I have often heard them say that they want to make it more efficient.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

That's not what government is for, Silly. It's to run badly to prove it doesn't work while enriching your friends.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 9:54 pm

The stage is designed to look like a nice, comfy living room, to humanize Mitt. Although it's probably a lot smaller than Mitt's actual living room.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Isn't that the set from "All In The Family?"

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

But way more racist than Archie could ever even think of being.

rocktonsam August 28, 2012 at 9:54 pm

dude. where is this copper wiring you speak of?

the price for that shit is way high and so am I and will go a steal it,probably

kittensdontlie August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

My neighbor is away for the next week and you are welcome to 'borrow' his wires, switches, etc.

UW8316154 August 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Some stole my friend's catalytic converter (platinum) today. Fuckers.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Why, yes. I certainly do think we live in a country where the powerful get whatever the fuck they want. haven't you been paying attention?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Oh my — they found somebody to do the black preacher thing. Their multicultural roster is complete.

succalina August 29, 2012 at 1:46 am

Remind me when the Omam speaks?

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Hello. Back from vaca and jet-lagged and feeling fresh aches in the old joints. Here I am, however, with nothing clever to say but clinging to my wonkette connection so I know there are people in this this upside down, inside out, country of ours. When my English friends asked how Americans can vote for crazy people, I had no satisfactory answer outside, "They're stupid."

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Hi DBB. Welcome home!

emmelemm August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Welcome back. Whatever you do, DON'T watch the Republican convention. Wonkette comments, OK, actual viewing, not recommended.

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Welcome back, have a drink and whatever you do, leave the TV off.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Bonus points to Haley for wearing neither red nor blue!

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

What's with the photo of the great film director Sam Fuller? Why am I even asking? http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thu

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

I hope Gwen Ifill shives someone like last time.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Boy do I feel stupid. I've been watching Hee Haw reruns for 3 hours now thinking it was the RNC.
Duh!

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Well, the GOPer's keep singing,"Gloom, despair & agony on me", so it's an easy mistake to make…

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Cut to clip of Obama personally calling Nikki Haley's parents and telling them they didn't build their business.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Yes, Nikki, that's nice that your parents did the bootstraps thing. How did you come by your money?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm

This is the most boring vitriolic rhetoric I've ever heard.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm

The governor of South Carolina is at the Republican convention advocating for states to "go it alone."

Irony: Dead.

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Is that island fortress still there in Charleston harbor? Just wondering.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 2:13 am

If you mean the Fort Sumter NATIONAL MONUMENT, yes, it's still there… I get the impression that Haley would be happy if Charleston seceded from the rest of the state, though.

iburl August 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Nikki Haley is a blogger banger.

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

And as a blogger I can say that is a rare breed.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm

This was probably already covered, but that outfit she was wearing was just blinding; even over the live feed, it was just so bright I could hardly see looking at it. What the fuck was she thinking?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Newt's commenting now on Davis' speech — the motherfucker thought it was brilliant. Mysteriously, so does Mark Shields. What the hell — it sounded like pandering claptrap by a bad Jesse Jackson impersonator.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

It did what is was designed to do. Make elitist assholes think their party is "diverse".
89% white, indeed…

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:25 am

Exactly. It's like all the white musicians who played the "knee grow" music during those segregated days. White kids weren't allowed to listen to the real thing, so they thought those white boys were super cool. And their kids grew up to write cringeworthy articles about how the Rolling Stones were making music "in the tradition" of those great black forgotten musicians who were never paid or acknowledged for what was stolen from them. We're so diverse! We have a long tradition of stealing black/brown culture and feeding a pablum version of it to white kids who will then sell it to YOUR kids as totally multicultiCOOL!

Is my bitterness showing again? Darn.

GlowneyHouse August 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Uhhh.. Nikki– Our state has a problem with the Civil Rights act. THAT'S why you can't Voter ID everyone.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

There's no irony in declaring you should have to show your ID to exercise your right to vote because you also have to show it to buy Sudafed or get on an airplane, either.

UW8316154 August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

And the ID requirement on Sudafed only encouraged the Chinese drug mafia to being importing ephedrine by the container-ship – now they're making meth by the ton, instead of the pound.

shelwood46 August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I'm trying to follow that logic. We card for sudafed because of meth, people die if not. We card for planes because of 9/11, people die if not, We card for votes,people die if not?

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Needs moar moose-shootin'!

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Dude, that is so 2008.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

A new Mac Daddy plane? whut?

DemonicRage August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Exactly! WTF…..That is a synonym for pimp, isn't it?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Did she actually say that? I thought I was mis-hearing things

emmelemm August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Miggity Miggity Mack!

Antispandex August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

OK, I think I get it. You are watching this thing, or even paying any attention at all, sort of like Churchill reading Mein Kampf. Kind of a know your enemy sort of thing? Thanks so much, because I have a weak stomach and I can't really take it.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I watched a little here & there until Ann Romney looked into the camera & said "tonight I want to talk to you about love". I had to give up then…

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:44 am

Not so much-mein kampf should be respected because ol' hitler actually said "jews are the problem." he didn't say "the banking industry is the problem" or "our hook nosed masters are the problem." he just said "jews." The right can't say 'blacks' or the n word or mexicans, they have to say 'government spending' or 'entitlement'

Disclaimer: fuck mein kampf, that book is for racist pieces of shit.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

So, in closing: fuck you, unions.

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:44 am

right? why do they hate america?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Newt on PBS — look at how many women and minorities we have now! He actually said "We're about to pick up our third African-American" at one point. Just like that guy from Girls Gone Wild might've said.

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Ha ha Newt you used the outside voice for that one.

The Dems can beat your numbers just by getting Hopey and family up there.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

We're about to pick up our third African-American
Did Newt hire a new servant?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

America deserves an economy where EVERYONE has the job security of a right-to-work state!

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

A governor who has a balanced budget? How very rare!

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Condi!
Drink!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

So, what percentage of this crowd do you think has Diabeetus?

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Truly, all of 'em Troggie.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Fructose-Baptists.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I dunno- does saccharinity give you diabeetus?

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

90%. And the rest caught the retard from getting the flu vaccine (from the GUBMINT).

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

They sure did have to CATCH it, dude, it was running away as fast as it could, po' thang.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm
mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Is this twat saying, non-union jobs are awesome cuz you can be fired at any time for no reason? But can I get free welfare then?
Oh, no, but I haz unlimited gunz? Ok, I will working something out to get by.
Silver bullet? Really, reallly? Seriously? Do they vibrate and run on AAA's?
I have heard they can give ladies a 'crisis'.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Being a girl, I get confused when people talk about numbers. Did she say 6,000 scab workers watched an airplane fly?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

After Boeing closed a union plant, yes. Prosperity!

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

And SC taxpayers have no idea how many of their tax dollars were used to get Boeing to build their plant here…

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

"Yearning". That doesn't really sound like something Mitt Romney would do.

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Rick, it's the hand in your pants that concerns me.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

We deserve a president who will do all these things….but we're nominating Mitt Romney anyways.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

V. v good, barackworld.

ibwilliamsi August 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Gingrich just compared Romney to Ike. I think that David Brookes just came in his pants a little.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Ike…Turner?

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I forgot the part where Ike fought the war while holed up in a Chateau in France.

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

We can haz top-marginal tax rate of 91% and dramatic infrastructure investment's jobs?

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"David Brookes just came in his pants a little." Gag. Eye bleach, ear bleach. STAT.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

This liveblog needs moar Cephalopods.

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Yay! Is the Cephalopod named Christy?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

That big fat octopus looks like a "Christy" to me.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Funny- I was just thinking it needs more vertebrates…

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:57 pm

No way, invertebrates are way more fun.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:57 pm

OMG, CRE, did that cuttlefish just EAT that octopus?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 5:58 am

Yes! Predator Vs. Predator. That's something you don't see everyday.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:11 pm

And a good thing, too. Sheesh. One minute everyone was playing and the next minute, a single forlorn sucker-tipped arm waved briefly from a cuttlefish's mouf.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Gender Treachery!

rocktonsam August 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

you just know $arah is in the bunker with her arms and fingers crossed , , legs not so much, holding her breath also,waiting for the call from Merika

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

*I call Sarah Half-Guv, she answers with a desperately whispered "HELLO??!", I pregnantly pause before blurting, "Ya blew it." *

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Shields just said "Thanks Newt" instead of something more reverent like "Thank you Speaker Gingrich." Newt had to walk off the set while the camera was running — this is gonna hurt like having to leave Air Force One through the back door.

rocktonsam August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

fuck him

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Heyyoo, Latina token onstage!

EDIT: And she's transexual too!

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

And the Paultards didn't rebel against this one!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Is the crowd chanting "USA! USA! USA!" like the last time?

Because that wasn't embarrassing at all.

(H/t MacRaith)

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Ann Coulter's LATINA?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Haley seems to have a smirk tattoo on her face.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

It's permanent.

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

It's Charo!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Ann's a cancer survivor? Who did she pay to get that for her?

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Win!

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

"Meat Romney"? Probably heard that wrong.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

There's a lot at steak.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

After an 8-year campaign, it's pretty overdone…

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm


Meat Katie
makes way better electronic buzzing noises.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Oh, she talks to workers at the farmer's market with ease — as though she buys stuff every day — or even interacts with humans of a lesser social status. That's really setting the bar low for pride and accomplishment. Next she'll be able to eat applesauce without help.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Where are her ladies in waiting?

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

For a moment, it looked like Ann was wearing adaptive camouflage.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

They sure are trotting out all of the mares tonight. I wonder if Rafalca will be there too?

Guess not.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Now on to the MAIN EVENT! I wonder if she bought her outfit at Costco…

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

From CNN
Ann's job is to make Mitt appear human.

What was the fairy's name in Pinocchio?

FlyOverGirl August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

The Blue Fairy.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

thank you.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Herman Cain has hit landfall?

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Hey, it's the headliner. Amazing, how robots can mate with humans and produce ahuman/bot hybrids.

sck007 August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Empty beer cups are only in the double digits? Obviously, you're holding back in the hopes that something newsworthy occurs and you'll be able to write coherently about it.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Let's all cheer the first responders! And then cut their budgets!

shelwood46 August 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

You know, I've known quite a few suburban stay-at-home moms who spent many years as volunteer EMTs. A few who were volunteer firefighters (even one who was a Fire Chief). Somehow, I think Ann would shit her pants at the thought of that.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Ann's wearing red silk — I'll bet she can tell when a swatch of polyester is placed under the pile of mattresses she sleeps on.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Oh, Ann, you'd never talk about a party.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Oh, gag me–Nicky is grateful for the first responsers we're laying off and stripping of pensions.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Oh, Jesus Christ.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Serena Joy.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

LOVE?

Ann is a fuckin hippie!

HELisforHEL August 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Egg is scaring me. Ewwww. Mittbot love.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Bathos. Works every time.

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

The fuck, is this the lifetime network?

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

When is she going to tell us who she's wearing?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Holy crap — my PBS station chose just this moment to broadcast a flood warning. I feel like the luckiest boy in America.

Mumbletypeg August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

It was a welcome relief, no?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Couldn't have happened at a better time. Oh, and guess what she's reading her speech off of?

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Gah she's repulsive!

Oh fuck me. She wants to talk about love.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"I wanna talk about love". Is Anne Romney trying to be the next Katy Perry?

CountryClubJihadi August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Women are wearing so much RED tonight, it's like the motherfucking SHINING.

sck007 August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Carrie? The metaphorical menstrual blood? Dead fetuses?

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I thought Ann Romney's question, "Why do all cats rub their heads against the flaps of opened cardboard boxes the same way?" was quite profound for a Republican.

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Yeah, I'm sure you know a lot about worrying about how you'll pay the mortgage, Ann.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I know a lot of you guys! You have washed one or both of my Cadillacs at some point!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Nice laugh, Ann. Mitt's being more humanized by the minute.

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I watched some Peurto Rican lady tell me the Fascist Party of America's propaganda points for 5 minutes. That's enough. This crap is why Jim gets paid the big bucks.

wsbloodystump August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I'd rather Oogielove than AnnRomneylove

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

"I'm running in place and just can't get ahead."

No honey, that's Rafalca doing the moonwalk.

sati_demise August 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

A piaffe to you, sir.

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

This speech is going to end with a horde of boys with wacky names

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Well Ann, we don't have another child if we can't afford it, if it takes away from our ability to properly care for the children we have. Not everyone is married to a trust fund stealing baby.

FlyOverGirl August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Someone fix Ann's lipstick.

Oh, those poor people who can't pay their mortgage or don't have the cash for another kid…hahaha, my husband fired you.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

It matches her outfit.

FlyOverGirl August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

It's crooked on stage right side of her face. Just wanna wipe her face with a kleenex.

FlyOverGirl August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Maybe they wanted Annbot to seem human?

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Stick a sock in your sigh holes, ladies!

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Yeah, you're a mother.

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

She's awkward and goofy.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Ann talking about people suffering about not be able to afford shit is just pathetic.
Really Ann Really?

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

She's disgusting.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

OK, has anyone seen Ann Romney and Callista Gingrich in the same room? Can we be sure they are different people?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

The women sigh a bit more than the men. Because they are all dreaming of government-funded birth-control

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Ann just came out of the closet.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Yeah, I'm still not watching.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Shoes or sweaters?

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Why? Was it too full of $1000 t-shirts?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Wait, she admitted she was really a bird with that beak?

rocktonsam August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I hope Mittens can fap to this, I certainly can't

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Ann loves you women (in a totally no-homo way)!

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I think Ann Romney just came out as a lesbian.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Yeah perhaps, but she has her servants do the pussy licking.

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Um, is she hiring?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

"We are the wives — we are the big sisters and the little sisters and the daughters. You know it's true, don't you?"

Holy fuck — Ann's making up her own Talking Heads lyrics.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Same as it ever was.

shelwood46 August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I think that's Milli Vanilli she's quoting.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Almost Palinesque, isn't it? We define ourselves by how we relate to men? And we know it's true?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Well Mitt is a psycho killer, qu'est que c'est, run run run run run run run away.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 9:35 am

I wouldn't live there if you paid me to.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 9:36 am

Mitt is going to dance with a lamp stand during his speech while Ann plays a little tune on a Casio.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwPA9kDsAJE

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Bitch knows about hard work.

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I LOVE YOU WOMEN!!!

I said this exact same thing at my first women's music festival in Michigan in 1980. I got laid that night…….

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I like the T-shirts that say, "My friend went to the Michigan womyn's festival and all I got was this lezzie shirt"

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Funny, I was just thinking about the last orgiastic lovefest some years ago. I musta said that to all the laydeez in the room at least once.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

oh god, she's trying to go full oprah.

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

YOU'RE FAAAAAAT MISSISSIPPI!!!!!!

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Young girls in audience: "I'm gonna be a mommy! Yay!"

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I've seen that particular video…

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

"I like love love women"

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Since when does Ann Romney dress like a plain jane school marm? Where's the $100,000 outfits and jewelry dancing horsey lady?

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

She hears you women, except for the ones telling her they'll kill themselves if they have to have another baby she and her husband don't want.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Or their rapist's baby.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:07 am

Or their father's or brother's or handsy Uncle Rick's.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Wait… did Ann just complain about cuts to public education?

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Yay! Patronizing, 'talking to kindergartners' speechification. My favorite!

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Gah she's repulsive!

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

shit–all the crappy little things that are harder are all the fault of rich Republicans.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Ann Romney talks about the hardships of daily life like she's actually lived them. Okay, like she's been told about them by someone who'd read a book about them.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

"the price of gas… school sports fees… the price of feed and stable rent for a dressage horse… just so many struggles."

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I can see right though this shit. Hey Ann – since we are sisters now, how about helping me find an abortionist since I was raped last month?

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

And he liked to fuck!!11

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Mitt made you laugh? Prove it.

The COAL MINER CARD!

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm

She's no Loretta Lynn. But then, who is?

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Please Ann, tell me more about struggling to pay bills.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Oh, fuck me. Another poor immigrant story. So why do they hate immigrants so much? Oh, because they're all lazy Mexcans.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

"We built it, and then we shat upon it."

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I think I need to post these now, for reference purposes:

Norquist's "Three Laws of Mittbotics"

A Mittbot may not Tax a Job Creator or, through inaction, allow a Job Creator to come to harm.

A Mittbot must obey orders given it by Republicans except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

A Mittbot must protect its own Tax Returns as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Apparently tonight Ann is for honoring mothers. Tomorrow? Motherfuckers.

belmontreport August 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Why does Ann Romney's voice sound exactly like Sarah Palin's voice?

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

However, note that IT fine-tuned the part where the speakers don't screech as much.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

He built it all by hinself.
If Mitt ever held a hammer he'd be a bloody mess in 5 minutes.

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Ann Romney is the SON OF A MILLWORKER

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

those coal miners mitt forced to appear with him would like to get out of the mine too. too bad for them.

Self-Uploader August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Mormons they're ok, but I wouldn't want my sisters to marry one.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Remember when we pretended to be poor? Heehh hee heh!

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

…our end table was this wonderful Mexican fellow….

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

…. We actually shed a tear and toasted Jesus with our 5th finest Bordeaux when we fired him for stealing cat food even though all of cats died from being crated for 2 weeks while we were in Switzerland counting money for exercise…

Beer-N-Burgers with the wives after the holiday?

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Oh, fuck me again. The poor college student stories. Why didn't they just borrow money from their parents?

MosesInvests August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Because they had stocks they could sell.

belmontreport August 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Man, being poor was so much fun!

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

The Darlick says "exterminate"!

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Oh, crikey- did I say it that loudly?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Ann-E's new sincerity chip is still in beta

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

She had tuna fish in college. Fuckin' aristocrat.

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Grilled ahi, fresh caught and flown in on a chartered jet.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:26 am

I couldn't afford fish at all in college. An egg a week, and beans, rice, and raw veggies.

viennawoods13 August 29, 2012 at 10:14 am

LUXURY

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Clearly, she did not know what she was getting into.

CountryClubJihadi August 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Last time my boss asked me to fly a horse from Europe, it cost about $8,000. Due to, you know, fuel prices. So I can relate, Ann. I hear ya, sistah.

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Pills, Jim? Heck no! She had a whole thimble of Pepsi.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

the milk man's name was mitt too. at least that's what he told her.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

OOHHH… a "REAL" marriage. Unlike the Obamas….

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Do you think Michelle promised obedience?

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 2:29 am

She probly promised not to kick her darling husband's ass if he asked it of her.

Jennyjen798 August 28, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Oh you mean one of those marriages where the couple never speaks or acknowledges the other's presence unless someone else is around? The kind where you stick around because you've become accustomed to the income the marriage provides? That sounds…like a real American marriage, actually.

Look at those Obama's, treating one another like they know what love is! Assholes.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

The whiteness! It burns!

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

"You need to get to know" Mitt, except for the part about his offshore accounts.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Oh….Kill me, Mormon Jesus!!

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

"Real" as in legitimate marriage.

Self-Uploader August 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Right, because if you are actually a Kenyan usurper, your marriage is by definition a sham.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

We Romneys can breed like bunny rabbits!
* Applause *

sati_demise August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Because our hired help does all the hard word of raising our kids!

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

KILL THE GAYS, KILL THE GAYS, KILL THE GAYS!

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I couldnt look at her upper lip for four years.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Really. Mean bitch. You just know it.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm

All women seem to have children according to Ann.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Isn't that what they're FOR?

HistoriCat August 29, 2012 at 3:18 pm

AND making sammiches!

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

He's been a success at evading taxes!

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Do the sawhorses still hold up the car elevator?

Xan August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Ann Romney's basement apartment: http://just-thinkin.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/1

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Oh fuck you you bitch with the Massachusetts joke.

(proud masshole)

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Clearly, the more active one's uterus, the better person you are. Fuck you, infertile women everywhere.

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

"As some say, 'haters gone hate"

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Built it! (drink)

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Romney was not handed success?
Bullshit!

SchemeZ August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

With dad's help.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

I have to admit, there have been times when Mitt made me laugh, too. Well, more of a sneer.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Mitt built his wealth one crushed factory-worker's dream at a time.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

You were there when they talked about starting a new company, Ann? Do you remember the talk about borrowing twenty million bucks from Central American death squad leaders?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

With the exception of Bill Clinton, has anyone ever heard a speech from the male spouse of a female politician?

Because that'd be an excellent reason to nominate a woman for president just by itself.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

oh my christ she's talking about bain like it was a fucking motorcycle repair shop started in a garage in ann arbor. go eat all the dicks.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

How the fuck was he not handed success? He inherited millions!

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Well, technically, he was already a multi-millionaire when his father died after using his father's connections to get started.

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

He helps people in quiet rooms.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

"Work harder" at nonchalantly reading a teleprompter, babe.

BerkeleyBear August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I was just re-reading a write up on Obama's 2004 speech and one of the big take aways was that teleprompers are not easy to get used to (he hadn't used one before and did multiple run-throughs to work on it). So as usual the GOP just assumed since the blah could do it so well it must be simple.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I think we ll just were lectured. With a pointed finger at that.

sck007 August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Bring on the fat man!

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

To be honest, I found the no-names more interesting, the ones that couldn't afford A-list writers.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

9million plus 40 million more blood soaked dollars is not struggling to start a small company

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Give and it shall be given unto you. Take, and it can be put in an offshore tax haven

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

…employing thousands of bankers in the Cayman Islands….

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Ah. THAT is what they mean by job creators.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

"Give and it shall be given unto you" people.

The_Lucky_Wife August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

“What Mitt and I have is a real marriage.”

So?

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

She means as opposed to, er, the gayz, and the single mothers who couldn't keep their men because they aren't as purty as she is.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 2:38 am

She also means as opposed to marriages with those damned women's lib wives who don't promise to obey their husbands & who work outside the home WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO…

smitallica August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Yes, that's it. Tout the value of hard work, and then follow it up with a speech by Lady Ann Romney.

Seriously, these people wouldn't know irony if it expressed its meaning using language or symbols that normally signify the opposite for humorous or emphatic effect.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

So for the wimenz, instead of "we built it," do we say "we married it?"

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Ok, I'll say it: She's not very good at this.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Hey, I just discovered that CSPAN has Harry Truman doing color commentary! Warning: send the kiddies out of the room before watching. On second thought, let 'em stay.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

"man I met at a high school dance" = "dad worked in a mill"

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 11:58 pm

"Harelip!"

smokefilledroommate August 29, 2012 at 12:48 am

Would I?

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

"High School Dance." DRINK!

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

If Massachusetts was so happy under Mitt (gross thought) why did his approval numbers tank so badly?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm
Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

LUXURY!!!

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Perfect!

MosesInvests August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

You were loocky!

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

And I bet the lake was just the right size. Like the trees.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Has anyone heard her mention any accomplishment by Mitt yet? Anything? Because I've been paying attention (except for the flood warning) and haven't heard a fuckin' single accomplishment.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Does he HAVE any accomplishments? He made a lot of money. He ran Massachusetts and everybody there hated him and never re-elected him again. He ran the Olympics by taking huge amounts of money from taxpayers to fling at those already way overpaid and overvalued eejits. I'm not seeing a whole lot of accomplishment here. He IS good at raising, and making, money. No doubt about that. But so is Warren Buffet, and he's WAY nicer.

HistoriCat August 29, 2012 at 3:22 pm

He passed Obamacare. I mean Romneycare. Oops – that should only be discussed in quiet rooms.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

"He started the John and Abigail Adams scholarship…"

Oh, so his philanthropy now is a political talking point.

NYNYNYjr August 29, 2012 at 2:14 am

"…a special scholarship for the descendants of John and Abigail Adams- descendants like our boys, Tag, Marcus, Rick, Biff and Mutt."

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:35 pm

This is NOT an accomplishment, though. If you're very rich, you call your lawyers and tax accountants and tell them what to do. They draw up papers, and you sign them, and they do the rest of that stuff. Once or twice a year you attend a meeting. A couple of times a year you meet with your lawyers and accountants to discuss your charity for tax purposes. Where's the "accomplishment"?

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

She's trying, but Jesus, please make a commercial come on.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

It burns!

Make it stop.

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

"This man will not fail…because his programming simply won't allow it."

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

You can't reason with it..and it won't stop, until you are dead.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 9:50 am

Meat Terminator.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Alright. I love you guys, but Imma turn this shit off now. I feel an aneurysm forming in my brain.

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Stepfordwifeapalooza!

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Objectively, if you ignore the lies (the built it themselves theme must be the most popular lie tonight) this is a good political speech. Funny, how she keeps staring straight ahead of her, almost as if she's using a teleprompter.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

How can we trust Mitt when he won't trust us with his tax returns?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

"He still makes me laugh" for I think the third time. Name something funny he's done or said, Ann. Really, it can't be that hard. Show, don't tell, is the writer's basic advice. And if you have to tell but don't show, that leads us to believe that there's nothing to show.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:42 pm

You people wouldn't understand our jokes or our taxes.

glamourdammerung August 28, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Name something funny he's done or said, Ann.

That time he tortured the family dog.

At least we hope that was only once.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 11:51 pm

He told an amusing anecdote about layoffs this one time…I guess you had to be there, sipping a good vintage of non-alcoholic sparkling juice…

NYNYNYjr August 29, 2012 at 2:17 am

He really does have a great sense of humor, it's just that his jokes are all horribly racist. But they are funny, to Ann.

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Mitt wants to secks America and have five sons with it?

VinnyThePooh August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Stepford wife is finally done!

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Dedicating this song to Ann Romney: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuyvT8nFMLY

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

It's official. Mittens is now a Real Boy. Thanks blue fairy.

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

But did he try to fuck you after the dance. Cuz my asshole is scared if the gets elected.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Oh, Mitt kissed her in public. He's so grown since his wedding.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I just want to know, why the fuck would someone actually pay to make their nose look as horribly ugly as Ann's does now?

under_score August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

That was moronic. Mitt wants to take America to a dance. Ok.

NYNYNYjr August 29, 2012 at 2:19 am

Dance with me America: Mitt Romney 2012 [Note: Dancing will not be permitted in Mormon America]

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Ann Romney. Strongest case for Obama yet. Do you really want to watch this privileged twat for four years instead of Michelle?

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Get in mah belly!!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Wait — so Mitt wanders onstage and then disappears? What the hell? Who directs a show where the star has a walk-on part?

freddymcmurray August 29, 2012 at 4:33 am

Three's Company. When Chrissy left, but still called in on the show.

Pat_Pending August 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Key take-away: Mitt is HI-LA-RIOUS!!!!!

Honey, your forced laughter every time he flaps his lips does not convince the rest of us…

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

cig break… (yes, Tweety, Mitt has wheels or whateverthefuck).

mrblifil August 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I thought she said they were done giving "us people" anymore information. So shut up already then!

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Now we will see if all of the structural improvements at the convention center will hold.

VinnyThePooh August 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Governor Crisco up next.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Oh shit, Christie's coming up. Better stash the food in the root cellar.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

theme for the rest of the night- moobs

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

The highlights of Christie's speech:
* Cutting the fat from gov't.
* Putting the Feds on a diet.
* Obama and his supersize ego.
* The greasy Chicago style pizza politics of the Dems.
* No more pork.
* No eating into the Defense Budget.
* The doughnut hole.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

And now, the Oompa-Loompas will roll Gov. Christie out onstage…

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I wondered where Boehner had gotten to…

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound
He pulls the spitting high-tension wires down

Chris Christie

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Oh, NO!

Barrelhse August 29, 2012 at 12:04 am

At the bottom of this mine lies a big, BIG man…

Doktor Zoom August 29, 2012 at 12:06 am

With this very unpleasin', sneezin' and wheezin,
the calliope crashed to the ground

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 5:54 am

Awww, Mama
can this really be the end?
To be stuck inside of Tampa
with the racist blues again.

SchemeZ August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Romney's taking credit for MA education achievement when the reforms were passed in 1993.
Fucking Fernstrom.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

That background behind Christie isn't very slimming.

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

He looks like a giant star in a gas galaxy. And good joke for shitting on your dad, I trust he's dead? Kinda dickish.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Is there anything that would?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

(I'm ending my moratorium on fat jokes about Christie just for tonight, by the way.)

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Good, because I want to say his kids are fat, too.

VinnyThePooh August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Delittering?

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

palin's rnc speech just enraged me. michelle's dnc speech made me cry with joy. ann's speech… meh. i'd give her more credit if she'd pissed me off as much as palin did.

this stage is very improbable for me because i'm a doublewide load of horseshit. i don't do much ice fishing, either.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 9:50 am

They should have brought Rafalca out.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

OMG it's like Chris Christie is finally gonna get to dance with Bruce Springsteen. Who happens to be Chris Christie.

CheeseBro69 August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I haz 0.40 BAC because I drank everytime Ann Romney said something vague

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Just don't get up off the floor, and everything will be fine.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

CC is running for President in 2016.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Or walking and taking frequent rest breaks.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 9:51 am

He'd be out of breath before he couldeven find Iowa.

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Our first 500 lb. prez.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

They might have to bring back William Taft's bathtub from the Smithsonian.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I think Christie outweighs Taft by at least 100 … oh, wait. I get it.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Waddling, maybe.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

His primary opponent will be Diabeetus.

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Oh, that was good, cutting snark, my friend. Reel gud.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I'd take a bow, but I don't wanna piss SOFA off.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

And Coro Nary.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Not watching this shit, but I'm recording it so I can play it back on Nov 7th. It's gonna be awesome.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Try not to gloat and laugh too hard at your disabled (by hate and the GOP) relatives.

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

He looks like he's speaking from inside a lava lamp.

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

This shit's making me dizzy. Along with the shrooms.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Inna-Gadda-Da-Christie

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Mom was the Enforcer. She'd put on her skates and body-check us unto the wall, screw the penalty.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I'd still hit that.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

With what?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Realistically, you'd probly need something shoulder-fired to make an impact.

Or you could just nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be SURE.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

GI Bill? Whaaaaaaa???

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I know I cannot believe he brought up the GI Bill!!!!!! Ugh!

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Government entitlement program.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Laughed out loud. Spit wine over keyboard. Dog runs upstairs.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

"Mom also came from nothing."

Barrelhse August 29, 2012 at 12:07 am

Makes the "dust to dust" line kind of confusing for that family.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I knew I shoulda bought a wider wide screen tv. I can only see the tip of his nose.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Mom took public transit? Goddamn socialist.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Your dad worked at the Breyer's Ice Cream plant (unionized, maybe?) in the '50s and got to go to college on the GI bill? Did you thank big government for that?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Bruce Springsteen Libel!

VinnyThePooh August 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Keep shoveling that "our long, hard journey" bullshit.

CheeseBro69 August 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I bet Christie's favorite Springsteen song is "Hungry Heart"

rocktonsam August 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

We are thankful for Mrs. Obama

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Wait — he coached his sons, but he watched his daughters march in a parade with their soccer team? Sweet — misogyny begins at home, asshole.

VinnyThePooh August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

The only love Crisco knows is thick crust.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:59 pm

And he's got plenty of THAT, the crumb.

mavenmaven August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Love without respect is paralyzed by our desire to be oh I can't follow this bull$#&%.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

"Oh shit! It's Mr Creosote!"

Self-Uploader August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I lost the visual because Al Jazeera thought the Hurricane was more important than the blimp.

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

What The Fuck is he blubbering about?

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

His words are like his meals: smorgasbords of filler.

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Maybe Dad shoulda said "NO" to that extra helping of free Breyers…just sayin'

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 11:50 pm

In a parallel universe, CC is an ice cream taster.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I have no idea what he's getting at. Invade Syria? Colonize the Moon?
Obviously not ban trans-fats or big-gulps.

Jennyjen798 August 29, 2012 at 12:10 am

Replace the old moon with a new moon!11!1??

NEW MOON PARTY! NEW MOON PARTY!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Geeze, what a blathering loudmouth. I thought he was supposed to be the badass orator of the Republican party, and all he's got is this faux-bro lingo going on that he got from How I Met Your Mother. Okay, I guess that makes him the cool Republican.

FlyOverGirl August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Bazinga.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

". . . . makes him a cool Republican." Really a low bar.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Oh my god, an ECLIPSE!!

VinnyThePooh August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Did he just cup his tits?

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

So does this then negate Ann's speech?

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Is his tie really fuschia?

Not attractive at all on a husky man.

sck007 August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

No, it's spaghetti sauce.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

And it actually looks (gasp) polyester. Couldn't Romney's butler loaned him a silk one?

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:00 am

Calling Chris Christie "husky" is like calling RuPaul a genderbender.

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Dumb question:
Why doesn't he get his stomach stapled?

Spurning Beer August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Staples won't hold. Need lag bolts.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Or just show some self-discipline? I do not trust anyone who shows the lack thereof.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:02 am

What would they staple it TO, Radio? Doesn't fat just, you know, slide around too much? Any muscles in there have long since been overpowered and slowly strangled, heaven knows.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 5:55 am

What is"they keep popping out", Alex?

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Chris Christie just said, "Who wouldn't say no to yesterday or yes instead of knowing it all" I think.

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

WTF does that even mean?

Angry_Marmot August 28, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Firesign Theater reference, I think.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Our leaders must stop tearing each other down. We will take our country back from that goddamned foreign socialist!

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

We have moved well beyond irony, have we not?

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

It's so weird. One of only two major parties in this country, and to them truth is hearing only what you want to believe.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

We have indeed jumped the irony shark.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Oh jeez… Bruce references.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

shut up, everyone… i wanna hear about his daughter meadow and his son anthony jr.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

"Tonight, we're gonna do what my mother taught me?" Tampa will see some depravity that it's never seen before.

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Respect, except for that filthy piece of shit no good president…

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I saw a shot of Mitt. He looks like he wants all this crap to be over with so he can get on with fucking up the world.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

He looks chronically constipated. Maybe the blind trust will release enough money for Senakot?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Grandchildren of the greatest generation? He knows Mitt's like 65, right?

CheeseBro69 August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Oh snap did Bobby Baccala just shout out immigrants and public workers?!!!

#offscript

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

What are they serving backstage for hors devours? French Fried Hamburgers on Glazed Doughnut Buns?

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Paula Deen libel.

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Lying Deep Fried Diabetic Trans Fat Peddlin'…..Oops!

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Haha, some crappy messaging. Ann talks about love; Gov Cheeseburger talks about chosing respect instead of love.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Gender-appropriate messaging, you mean…

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

i wonder what the comment thread at redstate looks like.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

What a Motherlovin' party!

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Let me off at the Walt Whitman Rest Stop.

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Is there still a Roy Roger's and a glory hole there? I mean do they still have hamburgers….

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

No, but there are some leaves of grass.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Hey Christie! Do you know what it's like to be hungry?
Twat Waffle!

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

He said "big" like five times.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

That's huge.

Barrelhse August 29, 2012 at 12:15 am

He's not a RINO- he's a Rhino!!!1!

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

fatso sounds lik a dem for most of his bloviating

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

It's too bad for the Mexicans that they don't look Welsh, Irish or German, because then the Republicans would call them "heroes."

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Truer words never spoken. Lighten up, Pedro, then we'll love you.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Just how many "third rails" are there?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

3?

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

He will mention NJ's unemployment rate is over 9%, right?

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

What's up with that stupid blue screensaver background? It's like Fat Man in Space or something.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Its like a Talking Heads video

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

We're on a road to nowhere……

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Ugh, this guy really loves being an asshole, doesn't he?

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:30 am

It's his greatest strength.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

fatty has anew casino and the highest unemployment in the nation. yeah.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Cue Kate Smith.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Wow — Christie's actually touting the time when he told state troopers "The party's over" while cutting their health benefits. State troopers, for fuck's sake — who would have to pay $24K a year for health insurance if they had to buy it themselves. "Taking on the public sector unions" indeed, you sick motherfucker.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

he was brave enough to make the tough decision to fuck over a shitload of middle class families. BALLSY.

shelwood46 August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I hope his protection detail pisses in his coffee.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

It IS every man for himself in Republican world. What's he talking about?

SavageDrummer August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I thought that was their slogan…

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 1:18 am

I thought it was Ron Paul's slogan.

NellCote71 August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Christie just said Repugs are politicians who have led not pandered. Did he wander into the wrong convention?

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Wha? The cognitive dissonance is making my head spin.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Any mention of NJ's unemployment rate?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Christie badmouthing selfishness? He's familiar with Ayn Rand, right?

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:27 am

He's even *more* familiar with *selfishness.*

SchemeZ August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

The background behind Christie is going to make me sick.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

somebody has an irrational hatred for teachers. anal raped in school, much?

SavageDrummer August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

"Lil' Chris Christie, will you PLEASE stop trying to eat your classmates!"

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

"I know the truth, and I'm not afraid to say it — our ideas are right for America and their ideas have failed America."

Wow. How brave to say in a stadium full of people who agree with you. Purple fucking heart.

under_score August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Um, GI Bill, 2 minutes ago? Sheesh.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Remember when we burned all the Pequot Indians alive with their babies? USA USA USA

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:22 am

I'm just reading the Heard Museum's recording of Native Voices, and a lady is talking about the US soldiers beating her grandfather to death because he was too old and frail to keep up on the march. Before the horrified eyes of his family.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Brace yourselves, troops, we're about to be attacked by an entire army of straw men.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Cut federal spending (except the Pentagon)!

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Since I cannot watch this guy, I have amusing myself with watching the audience. Or lemmings. Or whatever they are.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

10:41 — Liquified ham sandwiches are being sent up his butt via a reverse-enema, every three seconds. This could backfire quite literally!

That sentence, all by itself, just made me throw up. Thanks!

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

He's got a point — I love scaring old people!

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Did Baby Huey fly in in a Huey?

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:20 am

Sikorsky. I don't think the Hueys can handle such a load.

sati_demise August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

tl;dw

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Wait, if seniors want entitlement programs to survive for their grandchildren, why does Christie support Paul Ryan who wants to destroy Medicare for everyone under 55?

mavenmaven August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Oh wow, who knew that Chris Christie was really Jimmy Carter in disguise?

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

TooTanandJiggleyAssholelapalooza!

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Teachers are children lovers.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Republithugs assume seniors will sacrifice their grandchildren, hence Medicare doesn't disappear until the kids need it.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

"Our seniors are not selfish."

No — they'll even paddle the ice floe you leave them on out into the sea. I mean, they're too lean to use for anything but stock anyway, so why not?

shelwood46 August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Not selfish? Has he met an old person? Strike that — has he met an old Republican?

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 1:21 am

Best comment on here. P for DAYS!!

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Teachers should have no right to collectively bargain!

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

"The Fiscal Cliff."

One of the worst tunes by The Doors.

Self-Uploader August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Their ideas have failed???? Their ideas took the US out of a depression, defeated fascism, and built a postwar middle-class with stuff like the GI Bill from which your family benefited asshole.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Small logic point: if every classroom has the best teacher…can they all be the best? Just saying.

under_score August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

And all the children are above average

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

So much for American Exceptionalism.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

If they keep cutting the bottom ten percent, then yes — in ten years.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

The math teachers first, naturally.

Self-Uploader August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Of course. The secret is to destroy unions so you can weed out all the teachers who are just doing it to earn the big bucks.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Fuck, they hate unions. Will the Democrats finally support labor? Their true friends?

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:12 am

The Democratic party is all that labour and the working poor have to rely on. And a slender reed it is.

mavenmaven August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

We believe in teachers… we just don't believe in paying them!

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Christie just said teacher should not expect good pay – they love kids instead. Tell Mitt that he worked for Bain because he loved creating jobs, and he should not expect to make more than $50k a year for it.

And he's got a weird tan.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Love for kids does a great job in paying off student loans.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Christie just said teacher should not expect good pay – they love kids instead.

Funny, the Catholic Church says the same thing to its priests…

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Is NJ going to kick this fat fuck out of office?

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:32 am

Yes

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

People don't become teachers because they want to be rich…so let's cut their pay and benefits. Dick.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

He's talking about teachers? Chris Christie has the gall to talk about teachers, after the shit he did to them in New Jersey? He slashed their pay and benefits and fired a bunch of them. He hates teachers; and as the son, brother, nephew, grandson and cousin of many teachers, let me tell you they hate him too.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

Go back to Educationstan!!

mrblifil August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Fuck, I think I just heard him say he's the father of Snooki's baby. And he seemed to be looking right at me when he said it.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

No. I believe he said he ate Snooki's baby.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I thought he said he ate three Orson Welles' for breakfast.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

That's probably just the mescaline.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:03 am

I'm tellin' ya. I knew it was the drogas when the little purple things popped out of his nose and started dancing around and squeaking in high-pitched voices.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Oh, just choke to death.
Who last drove the economy off the cliff? Now he gurgles on about 'truth telling'.
Fuck you.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Christie all of sudden loves teachers?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Culinary teachers, perhaps.

Warpde August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

5 minutes of listening to Christie and I can understand why I wish remain drunk.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Huh. This is the same guy who five minutes ago was saying "Our leaders must stop tearing each other down."

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Gah, new thread, please, Mighty Overlords.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

"Loudmouth At The Other End Of The Bar Gives RNC Keynote."

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Bwaaaaaaaaaa!

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

BYU! BYU! BYU!

Barrelhse August 29, 2012 at 12:33 am

BYOB!

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

I am so glad my yellow-dog democrat Mother, who went through the depression in rural Alabama, went through WW2 eating grits and oatmeal, is not alive to see this. Then again, the amusement factor would be great.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

OMG… We demand the best teachers, but we don't want to pay them to be teachers and we certainly don't want them to negotiate the size of their classroom.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Damned right! Fucking Teachers! and what do cops know about staffing or equipment issues, Or those uppity firemen about how many guys you need on a truck! What do THOSE people know, huh?

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

In the middle of my senior year, I had to move from a PA high school to a NJ high school. Lets just say the "education" was lacking– fucking terrible. I was embarrassed to graduate from that school.

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

"Bring me Solo and the Snookie…"

(ugh)

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

…He said, as the blob toked the hookah

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 11:28 pm

… I just chortled.

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Another dumb question:
have they shown a brown person yet.

gullywompr August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Condi. But there are others there. You just can't see them on camera because they have to sit in the back of the convention.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:02 pm

The un-clapping crowd looked like they were about to shoot the Latino Nevada Governor earlier tonight, after he said some nice things about immigration and was, you know, brown.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I thought they were saving the shouty-ragey for the OTHER browns, you know, the Puerto Ricans.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 12:24 am

Even the ones who are brown on the outside are still lily-white in their heads…

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:41 am

Coconuts.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 1:04 am

Oreos?

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:24 am

In some parts of the world, "coconut" or "banana." Brown on the outside, white on the inside.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

mitt looks like he's almost bored as i am. jeeezus he almost looks like he's ashamed to be there.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Maybe he is contemplating what a fucking sell out he is.

gullywompr August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

No, he just knows that this is the last time he will run for president, and knows he will not get it. That's what that facial expression is.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 12:33 am

That moment when Ann was trying to get him to stand up in response to Christie hailing him, and he just shook his head disagreeably. That's one of my take-aways from this thing. I'm beginning to think she wants this more than he does.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 1:07 am

"I'm beginning to think she wants this more than he does."

I get that impression also. Rather strongly.

Jukesgrrl August 29, 2012 at 1:10 am

Same here. She wants to be prom queen REAL BAD.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

I tend to believe he simply thinks he could throw a better party.

Either that, or he just wanted a nice warm glass of milk and a good nights sleep because he was up past him bedtime.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Yep. We need insurance industry bureaucrats making medical decisions like they always have been.

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Get in my belly!

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I'm pretty sure that should be "belleh"

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Verbosity and obesity DO go together.

Spurning Beer August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Diarrhea of the mouth, yes.

Self-Uploader August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Did he just come out as pro-choice??????

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm
glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Did he just come out?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

We don't want to put barriers between an American citizen and her doctors – unless, of course, that citizen is pregnant and doesn't want to remain so.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Soros, man, whadefuck you talking about, everyone KNOWS women aren't American citizens. And men don't get pregnant.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Is this bingo night at the Independent Living Village, or a convention? Those old white people look funny and have a weird strain of exhuberance that is not of this century.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Real leaders pole dance.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……….

spareme August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

And what polls have you changed sir?

Warpde August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Only thing Christie has faith in is Wopper Wednesday.

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I would gladly pay you Tuesdae…

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Okay, the Good Governor Sandwiches has both figuratively and literally just overshadowed the party's actual nominee.

BTW, the deceptive, Republican auto-ad in the left bottom-hand corner of the page? Totally not cool for all of those reasons.

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Real leaders don't follow polls, they ride them!

(marches out of stadium)

To the Tampa strip clubs!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

"We all must share in the sacrifice."

Um — by cutting your taxes?

Spurning Beer August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Just don't cut the carbs.

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Do you reject Satan, and all his empty calories?

Spurning Beer August 29, 2012 at 11:59 am

I will, with God's help.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Fatso isn't very inspirtional, is he? He's not even especially mean, considering the crowd he's in.

Sacrifice? These people? What is this fat fuck talking about? I'm so anxious to hear Chrissy's view of this one.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

derp derp derp

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 2:01 am

he's talking about you, not him

belmontreport August 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

"We all need to share in the sacrifice…" unless you make over $250,000 a year. You're too busy creating jobs, that's your sacrifice.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I thought there were going to be refreshments at this blog-thing.

johnnyzhivago August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Was re-arranging furniture for 2 hours. Sounds like I didn't miss anything…

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Sofa so good.

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 12:09 am

No, they were just rearranging deck chairs.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

nazis? takes one to know one.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Why is he talking about freedom when he is a member of the party that hates freedom; except for straight white Christian men?

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

The greatest generation? You mean the first generation that got Social Security, Medicare, and all those other good Democratic things? Lucky bastards.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

And I'll have the gabbagool.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

When does he ask us to become Amway distributors?

johnnyzhivago August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Watch out he's going to swallow Snooki whole!

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Good riddance.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

When Linbaugh explodes from excessive bullshit retention, I predict Christie will take his place… or eat the carcass.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Is Balloon Man done yet?

clblabin August 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Chris Christie: "Mitt Romney will tell us the hard truths we need to hear." Lolz, that's Mitt all right!

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I consider myself the master of my own weight.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

It's true. I am the otter of my own fat.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

J-E-T-S!

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Governor Gabagool (sp?) is making them an offer they can't refuse…

BTW, earlier in the night, but can someone tell Ann that simply screaming "Women!" unconnected to any other word or string of words is not how you get their vote? I know, she thinks women as as dumb as she is, but jeeze.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

It's kinda late in the game for them to be trying for women's votes, especially by condescending to them.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Howard Beale for President!!!!!!!

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

HE's HUNGRY AS HELL AND HE"S NOT GOING TO DIET ANYMORE!

ProgressiveInga August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I'm fat as hell………..!!!

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

seriously. ann and mitt look legit weary at having to smile and clap.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

What a fucking blowhard. He needs to thump the podium more.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

"We have nothing to lose but our walkers."

No_Wire_Hangers August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

How the hell is Mittens gonna top this? Maybe two thimbles of Pepsi?

Wadisay August 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I wish Christie would do a little truth-telling about how he said Romney was unelectable.

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I think the closed captioning is telling people when to cheer and applaud.

sudsmckenzie August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Well that speech worked, I Really want a big Mac now.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Now I'm gonna watch Obama's keynote speech.

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

You know, I was thinking exactly the same thing.

BerkeleyBear August 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Make sure you have enough tissues. For whatever fluids might come out of you from the experience.

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I'm not a crier. What I'm looking for is his rank repudiation of the Republican ticket. You know, where his voice gets coarse and deep and he leans over the microphone like he's going to eat it and the crowd roars and then he soars into the stratosphere.

They've had four years to attack this man without nearly any pushback. I'm looking for something righteous i a few weeks. Not necessarily angry, because that can backfire, but something so chocked full of truth that it can't be denied and steamrolls the other side.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I'll be standing right behind you somewhere waving my flag and muttering things like "kick some fucking ass, Mister Prezident" sotto voce.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

"One light"? What happened to Bush's thousand points?

BerkeleyBear August 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Well, the thousand points are really all just pinpricks in the firmament revealing tiny aspects of the Holy, or some such bullshit.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Oh right, I forgot.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 12:13 am

Energy efficiency.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Needs moar Boohoo of the Neo-American Church. And Ibogane.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

3 Doors Down? Because I didn't have enough reason to vote against the bastards?

savethispatient August 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Chris Christie wants a 2nd American Century. I think he means he wants a policies based upon the values of sometime before 200AD.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

They're Old! They're White! And they're taking over! Right after they take a nap…

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

The Big Sleep?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Maddow just fucking destroyed Christie's speech.

Basically he just accepted the 2016 nomination, and barely mentioned Mitt or why he should be president.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Dive in to the mosh-pit, Chris Christie!

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Oh, JESUS, RUN!

Glass Eyed August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Between fighting off that amazing roll-over movie and trying to find my place after refreshing……this is getting very tedious. And I don't mean the Republican convention.

Time for a new thread, doncha think?

BoroPrimorac August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

What the fuck is Tweetie on? Christie didn't deliver a barnstormer.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Matthews didn't even notice Santorum talking about welfare for five minutes.

Warpde August 28, 2012 at 11:03 pm

"A 2nd American century, you know, the one after the 1st but not before the 3rd.
The one somewhere in between or before the Emancipation Reclamation."
Chrissy "Where's my Wopper" Christie

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 12:00 am

Republicans want to skip over the New Deal years.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 11:04 pm

oh hell. he's inviting the crowd to do calesthenics with him. call fema.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I suppose that I should be disappointed that Three Doors Down are wingnuts; but then they suck so I'm not.

BerkeleyBear August 28, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Wingnuts? Or just available for the right price, ala Elton John playing El Rushbo's wedding?

Either way, they do suck, so meh.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I see why their record company let them go.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Just because they're playing doesn't mean they're wingnutz. Maybe they are. I don't know. Long ago, I was watching TeeVee when Norm Coleman was having an election party and a good friend of mine was playing in the band. He's a native American, saxophone playing monster with a real liberal streak. Probably blew chunks though his reed but he had to make a living.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

The County Fair circuit is done for the year, so WTF, what?

ThundercatHo August 29, 2012 at 12:13 am

Our county fair is getting Styx. I feel old.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Nickelback must've been on tour…with Journey.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Yeesh, now they've rebooted The Cross & The Switchblade. Is nothing sacred?

DalePues August 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

650 comments. damn. well, that means this will probably nver be read so I can say pretty much anything. big deal, right. "My Girl"? you're kidding? "My Girl"? When I flicked on the tv Mitt and Ann were doing the prom strut complete with the Temptations making it for real.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Hey, My Girl is awesome – I mean, you get to see Macaulay Caulkin die. Oh, spoiler alert!

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:46 am

oh yeah, you can totally tell that guy got fucked my michael jackson. "I'm all evil now, for no reason at all. Look, I do heron now, too. For no reason…"

Xan August 29, 2012 at 8:26 am

Challenge accepted.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Darn, no more angry Paultards at this last parliamentary motion of the night.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm

And one last motherfucking shot on C-SPAN of the blonde in the red dress!

Bad touch! No means no!

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Nice job Señor Newell. Carry on drinking.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:33 am

Take another smoke break

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm

That was perfectly horrid. It seemed to lack even the veneer of sincere enthusiasm that shrouded the 2008 convention. Christie spoke vehemently, but hell — I don't sense that even he believes his own bullshit. Truth? When has he been into truth? When has he been into making hard decisions? They never affect him adversely.

And Ann wasn't any better — she's a clunky speaker and this attempt to tell everybody she's just like one of us — well, it made all the delegates uncomfortable and it didn't ring true either. This has been just a sad show of faked enthusiasm.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

yep… there was a huge disconnect between the sound of the applause contrasted with the visuals of dead eyed people clapping politely.

the 2008 was legitimately vitriolic and almost savage. now that was some real anger.

Chet Kincaid_ August 29, 2012 at 9:33 am

2008 knew how to put out!

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 12:01 am

excellent.

sudsmckenzie August 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

Her tone, it was like she was telling America its OK that we still wet the bed.

no_gravity August 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Just got back from the Wonkette extravaganza in Tampa and Rebecca threw a great party and we got to yell obscenities at Rick Santorum.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

*envy*

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Me too. *simmer*

no_gravity August 28, 2012 at 11:30 pm

It was hot enough to.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:39 am

Oh, that's gonna make us envy you *less* somehow. *seethe*

finallyhappy August 29, 2012 at 8:20 am

I'll see her Saturday night but not sure how we can yell curses at Rick Santorum- but maybe they'll be playing re-runs at Manuels?

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Was there pool? I miss ybor city. Is it still cool? Haven't been in over 10 years, since I moved to that other Bay Area.

no_gravity August 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

It wasn't Ybor, it was SOHO – Hyde park area, just west of downtown. And, ping pong and I didn't see a pool table or a swimming pool.

glasspusher August 29, 2012 at 12:31 am

Yeah, I wasn't thinking it was, just have fond memories of Ybor. Sigh…

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

A wiser man than myself once said:" Any way you slice it, it's still baloney"

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:12 pm

All this time I thought I was watching the convention, but it was just another Hitler documentary on the History Channel.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Tweety on MSNBC: "Romney looked like Prince Charles visiting New Guinea"

hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

BathroomGoblin August 28, 2012 at 11:16 pm

After that, I am positively looking forward to deworming the cat this evening.

Blueb4sinrise August 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I wuz doing some of the daily LAT online crosswords from the past week .
Opkapi, BITCHEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Pro-tip: Get to them from Chi Trib and avoid annoying auto play ads)

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Thanks for the tip, Blue!

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 12:10 am

Phht! Obi! Ulu! in your general direction.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

That was the worst "Ow My Balls" episode ever.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Needs MOAR testicle-smashery.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 11:41 pm

That's exactly what watching this feels like.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 29, 2012 at 1:57 am

I don't have balls and didn't watch and I am even a little sore down there.

DustBowlBlues August 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Oh, Chrissy–You liked the speech? Ooh, Prince Charles in New Guinea. Now I like Chrissy again. Time for bed, for me, at least–a jet-lagged Old.

PS Mittens has been running for office for over a decade and NOW it's time to get to know him? Isn't it a little late to familiarize ourselves with the Mittbot?

This has made the painful fun. Thanks, wonkeratti and Jim.

Later, losers.

littlebigdaddy August 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Nite nite! May you wake up to a better Amercia!

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 11:23 pm
MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Hey, who you calling a LOSER? (looks around)

Oh all right, then. (sits back down)

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Objectively, if this is the best they got, Ann and Chris, this ticket is through. I'll tell you right now that no one is going to put Barry in a corner at his own convention like Christie just did, here.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Agreed. "Trust me, you can trust Mitt" and "All we have to fear is my fear mongering" just doesn't cut it. They shoulda released the balloons.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Nobody puts Barry in a corner.

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm

i'm assuming that in his nomination speech, mittens will wow the crowd with a powerpoint presentation highlighting profit forecasts for fy 2014.

fuflans August 29, 2012 at 12:22 am

you people are making me so happy i didn't listen and i'm only getting my news here.

for tonight at least.

Sharkey August 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Livebloggings or Parties?

They are both good.

Sharkey August 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Can I apologize on behalf of Christie as to what he just did to the ticket?

P.S. I don't really want to, but that was pathetic.

glamourdammerung August 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I am looking forward to the footage of the alleged person that threw nuts at a black CNN camerawomen while yelling stupidity about it being how they "feed animals".

ThundercatHo August 29, 2012 at 12:19 am

No shit? Good thing none of the tea party are racists.

shelwood46 August 29, 2012 at 12:52 am

I posted the link on Wonkville. Shuster broke it with a tweet, CNN confirms.

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:48 am

so they serve alcohol at the convention, then?

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 2:04 am

Please, they wish they could blame this shit on the alcohol.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 5:37 am

Here's shelwood46's link, which pairs nicely with the Wonkville link just below it: "A Troubling Chant on the Convention Floor".
No One Could Have Predicted that Atwater's Southern Strategy and 30 years of carefully cultivating White Resentment would result in this behavior.

TWC's reporting now that levees are being overtopped in Plaquemines Parish near NOLA, with 12 feet of water in some people's homes, widespread power outages, at least one home collapsed and groups of folks who are trapped . No word if they are Negroes or not.
Flooding and Tropical Storm winds extending through Mississippi to the Alabama coast. I'm just hoping that Haley Barbour's porch will be OK.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

CC wants all of us to sacrifice. Austerity measures are as big a lie as trickle down economics. He's betting that the middle class will want to go all in with their medicare and social security and union safety nets but not once does he ask the wealthy one percent to ante up and sacrifice a little more for the good for the country. (Sorry no snark here.)

I need a drink.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 11:33 pm

He needs to go first.

no_gravity August 28, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Is he going to sacrifice anything at the dinner table? I think not.

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

Obscene corpulence just screams "sacrifice" any way you look at it.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Evil if true: http://www.politico.com/blogs/media/2012/08/an-ug

An attendee at the Republican National Convention in Tampa on Tuesday allegedly threw nuts at a black camerawoman working for CNN and said “This is how we feed animals” before being removed from the convention, a network official confirmed to TPM

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Wow- who could have predicted something like that?

FlownOver August 29, 2012 at 12:17 am

The RNC media liaison, I'm guessing.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 1:50 am

At least he didn't stand his ground and shoot her.

Angry_Marmot August 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

"So how about that, Mr. Smarty-Pants Communist? Mr. College Professor? Mr. Beatnick? Mr. Hippie?"

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Re Chris Christie: He's no fun, he fell right over.

Angry_Marmot August 28, 2012 at 11:35 pm

"That's America, buddy!"

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Gucci shoes for industry!

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 12:15 am

They didn't ask questions like that back in 1776, they were too busy singing songs…

slowhansolo August 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Hi 3 Doors Down: You didn't build that. #hendrix

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:33 pm

In their case, "these go to one."

mr bojangles August 28, 2012 at 11:30 pm

dad breyers ice cream. now i get why he went postal on the boardwalk while clutching his vanilla cone

ttommyunger August 28, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Mark Shields, former Marine. New Gingrich, former draft dodger. Newt isn't used to being talked down to by a member of the Media, but it just happens that way sometimes, happily.

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Wait, wait, wait. Did Andrea Mitchell actually just utter "What up wit that?" Seriously, Andrea? lol

obfuscator2 August 28, 2012 at 11:45 pm

you go, gurrrrl!

FlownOver August 29, 2012 at 12:16 am

She's bound to pick up some of that ghetto talk from Alan.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:56 am

LZ, stop rippin' on Andrea, man.

BoroPrimorac August 29, 2012 at 1:17 am

Did she give Santorum the gas face?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Well I've drunk a lot of wine, and I'm feeling fine, gonna raise some cab to bed, is this concrete all around or is it in my head?

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Reminds me of Johnny Otis. Damn, I sure miss Johnny Otis.

arihaya August 28, 2012 at 11:55 pm

the Dog Whistles are so loud you can hear it from the Antarctic,

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 2:30 am

From Sirius.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Oh crap, Jim, I just noticed the SKS reference. Sigh.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 11:58 pm

"Tomorrow night… Condoleezza Rice, who is beloved." That's good sarcasm, Rachel Maddow (and Condi's parents: "Con dolcezza" mio culo.)

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:53 am

I went to the school where Condi got her PhD. The course was taught by some high level administrator who was selling the company line that they school was the "harvard of the plains." I very respectfully asked this instructor to prove this point, and she said that very esteemed alum had graced this prairie harvard's halls. I said, who exactly, and she said "Well, condi rice." My clasroom decorum totally failed me, and I made a face that probably looked like I had swallowed one of those sour candies, but one that was contaminated. Yeah, I love her as much as I respect her

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 28, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Oh my God. Just saw the half-term governor of Alaska on FOX News. It's like someone took a shredded document, threw it into a OCR, hit randomize, then saw what the longest run on sentence it could generate without being per gibberish.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 12:01 am

Peggy Noonan said of Ann Romney's speech "I'm sure some people will have found her very appealing.".

My God, was it that bad?

Doktor Zoom August 29, 2012 at 12:07 am

It's not quite Molly Ivins on Pat Buchanan, is it?

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 1:02 am

I think all of the fascism tonight probably sounded better in the original German.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 12:08 am

"People" as opposed to…?

Or was she speaking of corporations as "people"?

MilwaukeeKent August 29, 2012 at 12:19 am

Wow, from Noonanington, that sounds icy and condescending.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:53 am

Almost as icy and condescending as Ann herself, and that's no mean feat.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 29, 2012 at 1:27 am

It was. It was.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 12:03 am

You know, they say elephants never forget. Well, I hope they haven't forgotten the drubbing they took in 2008, because it's coming back around.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 12:06 am

I love how at the end of Ann's speech she describe Romney, again, as the "tall, kinda charming guy…" Kinda' charming, eh? Talk about daming with faint praise. I mean, she was being totally honest, but if there was any time to tell a white lie, it should have been talking about the love for her husband. lol

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 12:09 am

I caught that too, and expected her to wink after saying it, especially since she kept doing that Palin pointy finger thing.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 12:11 am

I heard nervous laughter and saw some confused looks when she slipped that in. Maybe she did it to try and humanize him, but it came off way too honestly.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 12:13 am

I wonder if the other three or four viewers who tuned in noticed it.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 12:22 am

lol

BTW, sometimes I don't mind being harsh, but my take on Ann makes me regret it, sometime. She strikes me as a bright woman, a woman who could have had everything she wanted and more, but a person who chose to shrink herself out of what she thought was love. I see her, and it makes me sad more than anything else. I do not for one minute believe that this daughter of an intelligent, successful Welsh immigrant who was damned-near an aetheist is anything other than a resigned convert to her husband's particularly anti-woman religion, and it makes me sad.

So, she goes through the motions, and it's clearly evident, and while I don't doubt that she loves the idea of Mitt Romney, she always comes across as a psychological hostage. I hate judging people's relationships like this, but it's just too evident to ignore when you see them.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

There's nothing charming about a guy who insists on being served his dinner before his children and grandchildren because the little ones just take too long and discombobulate His Highness. The hallmark of a good human being is being willing to accommodate others with lovingkindness. This stiff ain't got none'a that shit in his grimy little insides.

viennawoods13 August 29, 2012 at 9:52 am

Seriously? Well, fuck him.

gullywompr August 29, 2012 at 12:15 am

Just saw a clip of Boehner threatening to throw Obama out of his bar. Damn he looked stewed.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:37 am

I've heard that he almost always is after midday, and pretty much useless after four. Could be just gossip or even lies, but judging from his constant, easy tears, I'd say there's every chance he's long been fighting a losing battle with the bottle.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 12:16 am

OT, but if Chris Matthews calls JFK "Jack" one more time, I'm whipping out the shillelagh.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:56 am

Give him the mother and father of all beatings, won't you, lad.

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 10:42 am

The auld triangle
goes jingle jangle…

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 12:59 am

Someone has been spiking Chris' punch lately. MSNBC should pay an intern to shoot him with a tranq dart when the manic meds wear off.

Doktor Zoom August 29, 2012 at 12:19 am

Everything will be seen differently tomorrow. It's the Hang-Overton Window

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 12:25 am

New rule: Every time Santorum mentions his coal miner grandfather, he has to mention Romney's pervy grandpa (as well as how said grandpa received federal relocation money when he moved back to the states).

MosesInvests August 29, 2012 at 12:39 am

If he mentions his grandfather, he needs to mention that his grandfather was a Communist.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:31 am

As are most of his family till today, and they mostly hate his stupid fucking ass.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 12:52 am

10:38 — Chris Christie’s parents were the poorest people who have ever lived. Mom took 64 buses to work, and made no money, ever.

Yeah, that's because she had to ride that awful gubmint transportation! If the private sector just took it all over, then she woulda got a one-way front-door-pickup and been transported at the speed-of-sound to her workplace and it woulda cost half-a-penny, and she woulda cut a penny in half with a tin snips and that's onnacount that the private sector is so much more efficient and better and less expensive than the thousand dollar toilet seat hammers that the president charges people for freedom.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:30 am

I don't understand how and why people who LIVED this scenario and are smart enough to make it through law school and hold down top-ranking private and public sector jobs can be so stupid as to fail to see the giant gaping fucking HOLES in their logic.

DahBoner August 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

"Intentional Ignorance + GOP + Xtian" = $$$$

fartknocker August 29, 2012 at 1:01 am

The only thing I heard tonight was other GOP governors who believe they would be really good Presidents. Other than Ann, the GOP hate this Mitt dude. I'm a retired liberal firefighter so I know how I am voting. Thursday will be entertaining and scary. I hope he tells jokes and sings. But the RNC is smart enough to script the message.

I sure hope my President wins. And I'm missing Barb and I love LimeyLizzie. Adios Wonketters. I hope the party in Tampon, FL was entertaining. The last round was paid for by Fartknocker.

Designer_Rants August 29, 2012 at 1:06 am

Politics Wednesday on NPR tomorrow – Smell ya later!

ElPinche August 29, 2012 at 1:07 am

What's with all the ruckus??? Oh yeah, it's Honkeytown (GOP convention). Eh fuck that. Back to my Dr. Who marathon.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:23 am

More interesting, too.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 1:42 am

More realistic…

Incitefully_Joe August 29, 2012 at 1:18 am

So… wow. I was sort of amazed, most of all, with how Obama managed to have a bigger presence at the RNC than Mitt Romney, despite not being invited.

And I don't even mean as a big scary foreign blah guy that takes away white people's jobs to give blah people welfare, even. Rather, the entire night seemed to be about defending against the Obama campaign's attacks, from the past several months. Make no mistake, folks, these guys were on the defensive, and they were feeling vulnerable.

Just look at the major themes of the night, if you don't believe me:

*Women (leading to the two most tacked-on, desperate-sounding shoutouts of the evening, from Ann Romney and Chris Christie, respectively)
*Truth, and the telling thereof, even when difficult
*Working-class roots (albiet 2-3 generations removed)
*How Democrats (and Obama in particular) are willing to say anything to get elected, and do anything to beat the other guys.
*What Partisanship?
*Mitt is totally funny! I swear!!!

They should have spent this evening attacking Obama, talking about his "failed policies" and how "he wants to fundamentally change the country", and so forth, as a prelude to Mitt Romney's triumphant debut as Not-Obama. Instead of attacking, though, they spent the entire evening defending against percieved Obama attacks.

Well, in between the GOP bench-warmers attempting to promote themselves, or promote the platonic concept of a Republican party, instead of their Presidential candidate or their actual policies.

But, yeah, overall, a very pathetic evening.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:36 am

it's a pretty pathetic cast of characters.

Incitefully_Joe August 29, 2012 at 9:00 am

The worst part was that, in terms of raw charisma, conversational tone, and style, Chris Cristie's speech was probably the best of the bunch. And that's despite the fact that it was largely substance-free, utterly graceless and self-aggrandizing (he took the stage after Ann Romney and didn't deign to mention her at the outset, nor even the Republican nominee himself until at least 2/3 of the way through the speech), and again, aimed at shoring up a perceived weakness.

Oh, and also the thing where his dominant theme "Machiavelli's The Prince, updated for Contemporary New Jersey Vernacular" completely contradicted and undermined Ann Romney's immediately preceding speech, "Let's Talk about Love".

And his was the best speech of the evening, despite all that. ಠ_ಠ

Guppy August 29, 2012 at 9:24 am

Whatever it is, they're doing it well enough to remain relatively even in the polls.

Incitefully_Joe August 29, 2012 at 10:40 am

I'm inclined to disagree on that point. The stuff I'm talking about are clear signals that Republicans don't think Republicans are winning right now, and that Republicans think Republicans are vulnerable. You never attack your opponent's popularity when you're winning, and you don't go around loudly saying WHAT WOMEN PROBLEM if you don't think the gender gap is a real issue.

Either they're looking at different poll numbers than you are right now, or they're reading the same poll numbers in a radically differen't way.

Besides which, "relatively even in the polls*" is probably not a great place to be at this point, all told. Not only did they not get much of a post-VP bump, but they're not going to have a post-convention honeymoon period, either; as soon as the RNC's over, the DNC starts. It seems doubtfull they'll see a net improvement coming out of these two weeks, unless they do really outperform, but last night's start wasn't really a good beginning for that effort.

ElPinche August 29, 2012 at 1:25 am

For tomorrow's GOP convention schedule, the audience will get a chance to throw peanuts at an Obama hologram.

slowhansolo August 29, 2012 at 2:09 am

Ah, I see what you did with an overlooked development, there.

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 2:15 am

Whoops, typographical error. You meant Hitlergruß, right?

ElPinche August 29, 2012 at 1:34 am

Speaking of holograms, that Eva Braun in a red dress hologram was fantastic.

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:36 am

Re: santorum. Growing up Catholic, the people I hated and distrusted the most were actual practicing catholics. I trust them about as much as I trust Mormons, Islamo-fascists, orthodox jews, and moonies. Present company excluded, of course.
That is still my rule of thumb. And still, no one will read this comment.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 1:46 am

Ha.

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 1:55 am

oh no-I hope you are not the pope? If you are, I don't care about going to hell, just don't tell my mom any of this….

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 1:50 am

Funny how Christie never mentioned Ann Romney nor her speech. Stay classy, egotist.

T3rbo August 29, 2012 at 2:00 am

What's he going to say? I watched the highlights on the news. "Vote for Mitt, he is not going to fail!" That's all I can remember.
And we're talking about Jersey Chris, what's he going to say? "Great fuckin' job, lady. Who did you fuck to get into this thing, again?"

GeorgiaBurning August 29, 2012 at 2:12 am

Christie wants some distance between himself and the Romneys for 2016, with his waistline he has a great head start.

shebeers August 29, 2012 at 2:53 am

Michelle Obama or Ann Romney? It's like giving up a delicious dish of mocha almond fudge for a scoop of vanilla.

DrunkIrishman August 29, 2012 at 4:33 am

Ann Romney is about as authentic as her face lift.

misantropo August 29, 2012 at 6:14 am

Two Kochs makes for a lot of Santorum…

Misty Malarky August 29, 2012 at 7:33 am

I was gonna watch this, but that new reality show starring the hot Siamese Twins debuted last night on TLC….

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 7:36 am

OT: Is what I'm hearing true? I'm hearing angels sing. Apparently Baby Quayle has been defeated in his Republican primary. Good fuckin' riddance.

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:00 am

Yes. He has been defeated…. but the Congress critter that beat him ain't much better. Quayle's opponent is currently my congress critter that got redistricted out of my area…

But Danny Quayle's son is out.

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 8:24 am

So, I've been completely off the grid for the last two weeks. Did I miss anything exciting?

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:26 am

not a damn thing.

BaldarTFlagass August 29, 2012 at 8:33 am

Great! Now I just have to get back in snarking shape, get back my game.

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 8:25 am

Let's go for 1,000 comments! And claim we built it ourselves.

finallyhappy August 29, 2012 at 8:29 am

I think Ken and Jim and Becky will claim they built it(but we helped!)

Misty Malarky August 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

So, the girls played 'Chubby Bunny' with some fondue marshmallows and somebody asked how in the world are you supposed do the Hemlich Manuver on a couple of Siamese Twins. "Improvise!" the girls giggled in unison.

It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo adorable!

iTuna August 29, 2012 at 9:27 am

When do they go get an X-ray and/or an MRI? That's what I wanna see.

DahBoner August 29, 2012 at 9:36 am

Shorter GOP Convention: White Man Speak With Forked Tongue

Oblios_Cap August 29, 2012 at 9:49 am

I think that I saw a couple of "persons of color" in the crowd. They had Condi Rice, and she was black & a woman. A real GOP two-fer.

Biff August 29, 2012 at 10:27 am

Don't forget the black camerawoman they thought was hungry and threw nuts at…

elviouslyqueer August 29, 2012 at 9:37 am

I really hate that I missed all this pedantic speechifying, but I had other plans including eating shitty Chinese food, watching wall-to-wall hurricane coverage, and then having awesome buttsecks with my hubs.

I'm real America, and I approve this message. Suck it also, Ann "Real Mom with a Real Marriage" Romney.

FakaktaSouth August 29, 2012 at 10:09 am

Dang. I have done both of those Ann things, and only one stuck – luckily the kids like me. But man I would really like to have done two out of your three things – since the storm isn't really hitting Alabama like it could have I don't care as much about the hurricane.

actor212 August 29, 2012 at 9:53 am

“little broken hands of the disabled”

Murder on the Orient Express:

I… I was born backwards. That is why I work in Africa as missionary, teaching little brown babies more backward than myself.

zhenjiu August 29, 2012 at 9:59 am

Beyond the hysterically funny articles here on Wonkette are the equally clever and humorous comments. It is a monumental CHORE to keep my bottom on my seat, and to keep said seat dry, all from uncontrolled laughter. Liquefied ham sandwiches!!! Fuck you, white boy!!! Wonkette is PRICELESS!!

Steverino247 August 29, 2012 at 10:05 am

What no notice of the "attendee" who threw nuts at a black CNN camerawoman and said "This is how we feed animals" as it was done?
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2012/08/cnn

ChrisM2011 August 29, 2012 at 10:08 am

I enjoyed hearing how Ann and Mitt had to rough it when they were younger. Scrounging around, selling stock options they found between the cushions like a couple of teenagers…

LibertyLover August 29, 2012 at 10:11 am

My biggest takeaway from last night is that Chris Christie says that we can't have nice things anymore because everyone except those making over 250K has to sacrifice. (That and Republicans want Government out of small businesses and into women's vaginas.)

Misty Malarky August 29, 2012 at 11:11 am

Boy howdy. YOU PEOPLE really watch some disgusting, tasteless exploitation televison.

So anyways and then the girls tried on their caps and gown!

That's no typo!!

TWO caps and only ONE gown!

They were a-door-a-bul!!!

VeraSevera August 29, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Wow, Wonkette! You make it sound like you were actually there!

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Cough.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

He's still preferable to the Dominion though. Of course I wouldn't put it past Romney to have everyone genetically engineered to worship his people as gods like they did to the Vorta.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 12:00 am

I'm looking for a Bill Pullman-esque speech like the one he gave in Independence Day.

Doktor Zoom August 29, 2012 at 12:23 am

Goddammit, now you've got me feeling sorry for her.

EDIT: Almost.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 12:59 am

“People think Mitt’s such a strong person, but I run the show,” she once said laughingly to a reporter from the Boston Herald.
http://swampland.time.com/2012/08/28/the-ascent-o

DahBoner August 29, 2012 at 9:49 am

Once again, "Intentional Ignorance" = $$$$.

It's all they've ever known…

Chichikovovich August 29, 2012 at 10:31 am

I don't mind being harsh, but my take on Ann makes me regret it, sometime.

I dunno Negropolis. It seems to me that Ann has given you people everything you need to judge her harshly with no regrets.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 12:32 am

(Leads SB off to Quiet Room for swifter assimilation)

Isyaignert August 29, 2012 at 1:12 am

Sounds like you've got some good genes working for ya MtitBorg – good thing too, because we like you around here – we really like you!

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 1:16 am

Aw, that is SO sweet, isya. Thanks! (Hugs isyaignert)

TribecaMike August 29, 2012 at 1:17 am

Classic battered wife denial syndrome.

Negropolis August 29, 2012 at 2:01 am

Oh, bullshit, Ann. You lost whatever independence you had when you converted to that ridiculously cynical and wholly contrived thing they call a religion. But, hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 1:39 am

I don't know about battered, but clearly in denial if she's telling people she's never had a serious argument with her husband. If not, why not?

I think she is probably over-zealous in her desire to be an obedient Mormon wife- many converts (to any religion) try to out-do the non-converts, for some reason. If she's a superior wife, it means she's got a superior husband, maybe.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 1:53 am

Not even close.

Arborista August 29, 2012 at 1:57 am

Maybe think about this instead?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weJe7WeJ0LE

Willardbot9000_V2.5 August 29, 2012 at 10:59 pm

To amplify your horror: http://images.wikia.com/annex/images/8/80/Alien-T… Now imagine that popping out of Marcus Bachmann's flabby, saggy moob chest and a smile on his painted lips and the picture is complete.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 11:18 am

Sweet. You know how you can listen to something and it makes your fingers stop typing? Thank you.

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