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Your Wonkette Tuesday Liveblogging & Tampa Party Details

Two Things:

  • Your Wonkette communist overlord Rebecca Schoenkopf will be hosting a Wonkette Party tonight in Tampa, at “six or seven,” which is basically right now. Go to this place:

    MacDinton’s,
    405 South Howard Avenue
    Tampa, Florida 33606
    (813)251-8999

  • 2) Your Wonkette blogger Jim Newell will liveblog speeches from Ann Romney and Chris Christie starting at 10:00 ET. We have been itching to liveblog a convention speech from that fat guy for some time now. Will someone liveblog earlier speeches? Probably not, but we’ll let you know if this changes, so there. Hooray!
  • That is all.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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Comments

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  • Jus_Wonderin

    OH GOD. I REFRESHED. OH GOD!

    • Arborista

      That's not God, that's Beheaded McCain.

    • Guppy

      That Blingee will haunt us for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!

    • UW8316154

      Jesus Christ! I opened up my wonkett to a floating, disembodied head blinking at me!
      I might have just peed a little.

      /hangs head in shame

  • nounverb911

    Do they serve Hurricanes at MacDinton’s?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Do they have strippers? I know, you only get pasties if you also want booze, but you do want that "Tampa Republican" vibe, don't you?

    • TribecaMike

      For University of Miami Hurricanes, everything's on the house.

  • Arborista

    Happy almost-birthday, Senator Blingee! Wonketteers will drink to you, I'm sure- they'll drink for any damned reason…

    • bflrtsplk

      Who needs a reason?

  • ChernobylSoup

    You should put Ron Paul in your purse and take him to the drinky thing. He could be the mascot.

    • Terry

      God, could you imagine how preachy and strident Ron Paul would be if he had a few drinks in him?

      • Steverino247

        Give him a brush and tell him he's President of the bathrooms.

      • Arborista

        Maybe he'd finally mellow out a bit… The weed doesn't seem to be helping.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Are the GOP helicoptering in Christie? Or did they figure a way to get him in other than dropping him through the roof?

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      He'll roll in around 9:00.

    • SixThirty
      • Biff

        Peter Griffith is the governor of NJ?

    • HogeyeGrex

      I assumed they floated him down against the Gulf Stream. Is the convention center on a canal or something?

    • OzoneTom

      Operation Dumbo Drop?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Dumbass Drop.

    • mayor_quimby

      Cargo doors in he convention center, you can drive an 18 wheeler thru em..
      So they'll have to grease ol tubby to squeeze him in.

  • mr bojangles

    why bother, here is christie's speech

    you re a real big shot!!!!!! keep walkin'!!! [clutches vanilla ice cream cone]

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Ann's not speaking until ten? Doesn't she have servants to berate or something?

    • Arborista

      She has people who berate the servants. How gauche to address them directly!

    • SorosBot

      The networks cut back their infomercial coverage, and for some reason the GOP wants this nasty patrician Marie Antoinette on national TV even though everyone she condescends to hates her.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I know. It's hilarious. She's supposed to humanize Mittard.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Our media lapdogs are drooling about her warmth and charm even as we speak. The warmth and charm exuded by someone who addresses the hoi polloi as "you people," and tells us all how happy she is that many women have no choice about getting up and going to work to feed their children, when the only work she had to do to feed *hers* was sign an authorization for sale of stock.

      • mayor_quimby

        Exactly, she comes across as an insufferable rich woman who you would hate to have brunch with.
        She'd give you a dirty look for having a mimosa ( no that is not a gay drink, dammit!)

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          She truly seems like one of those people who would order the most expensive meal, then suggest everyone split the bill.

          • spareme

            They serve brunch at Costco?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Equally. After having ordered god knows how many side dishes and appetizers and desserts and frou-frou drinkies wiv umbrollies in 'em. Bitch.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    No alt text? What is wrong with you?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      <cough>Drunk</cough>

    • http://wonkette.com Jim Newell

      saving energy for more dumb jokes tonight

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Why can't we have both?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Damn, y'all are demanding li'l fuckers. So,wassup, CRE?

          • C_R_Trogloraptor

            Terrible, terrible things on Teeve that I'm not watching.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Me either. I'm already popping an artery from reading the shit coming from the GOP. Some weirdo named Ian Dury keeps telling me there are reasons to be cheerful. Three of them, even.

          • C_R_Trogloraptor

            You should listen to him. He hasn't steered me wrong yet.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I did. He just kept getting better.

          • finallyhappy

            I had my one on one with the cuttlefish tonight..

          • C_R_Trogloraptor

            Moat Excellent! Now that's a productive use of your time! Was it fun?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, if I actually watch the GOP convention, will Wonkette help pay for the years of therapy I will need afterwards?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Vouchers, man. Vouchers.

      • SavageDrummer

        Luntz is field testing "Freedom Tickets" as a rebranding

        • Arborista

          As in freedom from this earthly vale of sorrow?

    • fartknocker

      Healthcare coupons!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Health Stamps! From Romney/Ryan, the Health Stamp Co-Presidents!

  • vulpes82

    Who will Chris Christie yell at, though? Union members are shot at the door.

    • HogeyeGrex

      He will yell at the corpses to get their lazy asses out of the aisle as they're blocking it for those with the ambition to live.

      • UW8316154

        The corpses of coal miners, blocking the exits.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Nah, a bunch of AFLCIO doods got in and heckled Rubio's ass off, calling him a corporate whore and a goon for big money interests. It was good.

  • Callyson

    And I've got class tonight, so I'll miss the live version, but I'll check in later here to read all of the good snark from everyone. Have fun!

    • Steverino247

      Call us sometime when you don't have any class.

      • James Michael Curley

        I have no class. I can call you now.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I think Steverino's fussy that way. He wants *Callyson* to call him with no class.

          • James Michael Curley

            So this whole place is occupied by unemployed teachers.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            *Wut* we're teaching, I'd better not say.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Anybody with any class should be planning to miss this. (As little class as I have, I'm looking over the Netflix offerings right now.)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I think there's actually a Satyajit Ray film available for InstaWatch, which is cool, because it's next to impossible to see those any more. Also, Kurosawa's Ran, which is from the height of his later period and an incredible use of panoramic action shots. If you like that sort of thing.

        And then there's always Withnail and I, or Tuvalu, for those of us with a taste for the louche.

        • miss_grundy

          You don't like Claude Lalouch?????

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Oh, you! I saw what you did there.

            And I was gonna tell you all about how I should've but haven't yet gotten around to enjoying his oeuvre. Humph.

  • RedneckMuslin

    This is when I'm glad to be an oldz. I'll be asleep before Ann talks.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I just drink heavily. Well, and I am old.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Don't fall asleep with the convention on – that harpy will cut through slumber like a voucher through fixed-income.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That deserves a Mighty Upfist.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Oh, you!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Was it good for you too, dear? (flees at high speed)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Just as well you don't know what they have in mind for you when you wake.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      I'm an oldz too, but I will be watching the TNT shows I DVR'd yesterday. It pays to think ahead.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh, all right. If you insist

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      He's packing some extra walnuts in his left cheek for good luck. (yeah, yeah, I know it's an old photo..)

  • gullywompr

    Yeah, Christie gives me an itch too.

  • Poindexter718

    You'll miss Santorum's speech, but maybe just order a "Santorum Slide"–frothy mixture of egg whites, vodka, D-Ray poop and Gardasil–and drink a toast in his honor.
    Regrettably, I cannot attend, as I don't drink with anyone who uses "host" as a verb (I'm a sad, lonely and, yes, somewhat bitter grammarian).

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      All our problems can be traced back to the Norman Conquest — English hasn't been the same since.

    • glasspusher

      You're in luck! Today's self-help topic is: Coping with Bitterness

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I find a pre-soaking combined with a dash of fish sauce and a spoon of molasses or dark sugar does wonders for that sort of thing.

        Especially if mixed into a bloody mary.

  • HempDogbane

    I'm not going to watch that bunch of losers. I'm watching the Twins instead.

    • nounverb911

      It could be worse, you could be watching the Red Sox.

    • coolhandnuke

      Megs McCans is on the teevee?

    • Biff

      Jenna and Barbara?

      • shelwood46

        Abby and Brittany?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Those Miilton girls are something else, aren't they?

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Just don't call them Twinkies.

  • fartknocker

    If you see Mitt or Ann can you ask them how I can get my accountant to have to pay only 2.5% income tax from the earned interest on my account in Luxemborg. First round is on Fartknocker.

  • Guppy

    Is "War on Coal" a Thing now?

    • Pithaughn

      Oh you betcha. Why this coal mine owner nearby here, he could only build a pretend western town with it's ownwater and sewer system. If there was not a war on coal he would have built his first choice, a slum in old England with work houses and replicas of poors that are rotting in the town dump.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, there's plenty of poors rotting in the town dump right now, no need for replicas.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Obama's got the "War on Coal". The Repubes got the "War on Coal Miners".

      West Virginia gets the worst of it, either way.

    • glasspusher

      I've said it before and I'll say it again:FUCK COAL.

      Dirty to dig up, dirty to burn. Coal kills.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Has Mia Love, Utah's token…err….local hero spoken yet?
    How many other small town mayors with 18 months of experience under their belt have spoken today?

    • supernoun

      >How many other small town mayors with 18 months of experience under their belt have spoken today?

      …is Sarah Palin going to be there?

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        No, the GOP learned their lesson with Sarah Palin. They are looking for a local hero that knows here place.

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        She's been replaced by a new novelty toy with more ah…novelty.

    • emmelemm

      Mia Love… not a bad porn name.

      • SavageDrummer

        Specializing in masturbation scenes…

  • barto

    I thought the event horizon surronding the black hole that is the mass of Chris Christie prevented light, much less sound, from escaping him.

    • supernoun

      god, if only!

      sadly, physics is not on our side with Chris Christie. He is plenty audible.

    • James Michael Curley

      Still a plate of bean burritos in front of him and you will hear him for days.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Unfortunately, these sciency laws of yours do not apply to Chris Christie's farts, which are both foul and audible. It's how he communicates.

  • ph7

    I'll need a Hopium fix to get through this.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    I see…Becca drinks while Jim works. It's good to be the king.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Do you think that either:

      A) Becca does not drink while Becca works, or B) Jim does not drink while Jim works?

      Hm.

      • bobbert

        C) None of the above, Katie.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I would suggest a drinking game based on the times a former president gets mentioned in a positive light in all of the speeches but it wouldn't be fair.
    Anybody picking Reagan will probably need an ambulance before it gets dark outside,
    People who choose Clinton will get moderately drunk.
    People who choose George W Bush will remain as sober as he claimed to be.
    People who choose George HW bush are just stupid.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      I'm going with Jimmy Carter. I have 911 on speed dial 'cause I prolly won't be able to handle three digits with any degree of accuracy.

      Oh… wait… "a positive light?" WTF?!?!?!?

    • fartknocker

      If they mention Dick Cheney I'll projectile vomit.

      • glasspusher

        You won't be alone, my friend.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm going with James Polk. Should be good for a slight buzz at least.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Yes, well, they won't if they have any sense, since it's a fair bet that most of yon yokels haven't a clue who the fuck James Polk is. Probly think he invented polka music.

  • supernoun

    so excited for this liveblogging. gonna go out and procure my beer now. a boyscout is always prepared!!

  • Guppy

    Every time C-SPAN publishes a Paultard Twit, take a shot.

    • Terry

      The only thing that could save the convention tonight would be a major Paultard stunt on the floor that disrupts one or more speeches.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Ah, Wonkette … I come for the great political insight and stay for the McCain blingees and alcohol.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Goddammit. And here I was thinking it was the buttsechs.

  • MissTaken

    Mmmmm…we haven't had a liveblog in a while. I *think* my liver is recovered from the primaries.

    • SorosBot

      I'm just wishing I had alcohol now.

      • glasspusher

        …rather than the other way around? Yeah, I know what you mean.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    When will Ollie North be speechifying?

    • GhostBuggy

      Oh god, is he really going to speak? Why not throw Liddy up there while they're at it?

  • Barrelhse

    The GOP has made a fatal blunder by threatening to take our porn.

    • ph7

      They'll get my porn when they peel my cold dead hand…eer….eehh..you get the idea.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Lookit, you know as well as I do the only reason they put that shit in the platform is so they can spend the next X months, if not years, looking at every bit of porn they can, to see which need banning. At our expense. They know damn well that taking the porn of old (and young, let's be honest) white men WILL start the Revolution.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'm enjoying a Breaking Bad marathon on Netflix.

  • BlueStateLibel

    What's Chris Crisco going to talk about? How New Jersey has the fourth-highest unemployment rate in the nation? How one of its cities (Camden) had to lay off its entire police force? How he blew a federal education grant because he hates teachers so much? How he blew a key transportation deal into Manhattan that would have brought millions into the state? How he needs to take a car to the grandstand at his son's sports' event because he's so lazy? How he is such an inept, corrupt, corpulent governor?

    • Arborista

      Mark Shields sez it's his job to welcome folks to the convention…

      • SavageDrummer

        Chris Christie: Walmart greeter

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          You beat me to it, damn your eyes.

    • Geminisunmars

      See, he has stuck to his principles, unlike that whining Bobby Jingles governor.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Piyush Jindal And His Squeaky Tenor. Good title for a gay sex novel?

        • Arborista

          You must mean for the kitsch value?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'm easy. (Leers at Arborista)

        • Geminisunmars

          Excellent. Sequel will be Jindal and His Squeaky Toy.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Makes him sound like the dawg that he is.

          • Geminisunmars

            Hey – don't be dissing the dogs!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Dang, can't get away with ENNYthing around here. Hey, sweetie! Are you enjoying the Repig meltdown? They're just out there now, aren't they? Throwing peanuts at Teh Culludz. Next they'll be making us do a buck-and-wing with their six-shooters.

          • Geminisunmars

            Can't bring myself to watch any of it, but interesting to hear about. I listened to short clip of Ann's speech just to get the flavor. What was Christy's like? I'm hoping that the Paultards will stay home from voting after being treated so shabbily. And what is a buck-and-wing?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I didn't watch or listen, except for brief clips on the InterToobz. I usually start throwing things at the vid display, so partner removes anything hard, pointy, or heavy beforehand. He's gonna start locking me in at this rate. I got up this morning and fucking SCREAMED when I saw that Michele Bachmann was telling Teh Stoopidz to vote for Romney because Obama is too wealthy and out of touch.

            A buck -and-wing is the dance you do when they're shooting at your feet and screaming, "Dance, nigger!" Nah, just kidding. It's a type of tap dance.

          • Geminisunmars

            It is almost like they have to utter all this crap as filler, because they can't overtly keep saying : “'cause he is black, 'cause he is black, 'cause he is black.”

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            It's getting to where I'm worrying about maybe doing something bad if this keeps up. Or maybe that's part of the PLAN. They WANT me to kill myself. Just kidding sorta. It's awfully trying, though.

          • Geminisunmars

            Well, wait at least until after the election. (you nose I is just bean ironik, right?)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I know. It'll be OK. I just need to keep my Eyes on the Prize. My President is getting FOUR MORE YEARS if I have to flush every Republican in this nation down the shitter where they belong. With VOTES.

    • PubOption

      Part of his speech will be about not needing a teleprompter. Personally, I don't care about teleprompters, but would rather have politicians write their own speeches.

    • An_Outhouse

      he needed a helicoptor not a car to get to the kid's game. a state helicopter.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Annnnd … a car to get from the helicopter to the grandstand.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If I watch Ann’s speech I fear I will die of insincerity poisoning.
    Maybe alcohol will oprovide some resistance.

    • Terry

      To counter Ann's insincerity poisoning you have to enjoy a drink containing both alcohol and caffeine (say, an Irish coffee) with an auto worker or teamster.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    But what is happening now? Did the Paulistas riot? Did they succeed in shouting down that nice Puerto Rican lady?

    See, I would watch the feed, but I already had to scrub maggots out of my garbage cans today, so my stomach isn't up to watching video of the Know-Nothing Party getting its smug on.

  • oenspiek

    Hooray! Senator Blingee still looks better than the rest of the rethugs!

  • MissTaken

    I see white people 'dancing'. The horror.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Something NOBODY should EVER have to see.

      Srsly, is it genetic, or something? I mean, some white women can shake a booty, but straight white men canNOT dance as god is my witness to save their lives. CanNOT. And lord knows I have tried to make them.

      You can take that any way you want.

      • bobbert

        I resemble that remark. But I also subscribe to "dance like there's nobody watching", so SORRY.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Boner just said he was born in a bar or something.

    • MissTaken

      And then they threw him out

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Such a fitting speech for a drunk.

      • Arborista

        They threw a lot of guys out. Party of inclusion?

    • rickmaci

      I thought it was an Orange Julius.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Wait, then who was born in the Willy Wonka factory?

        • Crank_Tango

          I dunno, but Boner was conceived in the bathroom of a greyhound bus, I remember that part from the song.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I thought he was born in the wagon of a traveling show.

        • rickmaci

          Wasn't the Willy Waver Larry Craig?

        • Arborista

          Chris Christie- they managed to get rid of the blueberry color, but the door wasn't wide enough for the Oompa Loompas to get him into the juicing room…

    • An_Outhouse

      weren't we all.

    • bobbert

      He killed a bar when he was only three?

  • MissTaken

    BUTTONS

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Tweety always looks confounded.

  • MissTaken

    There's something about Reince that really irritates me. Is it the too-long sportcoat? Is it the talking out the side of his mouth? Is it the half-closed right eye I have to assume is irritated from so much bukkake? I don't know.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I think they should introduce him as "Mr. Fancy Pants…. Reince Priebus!". He should wear a monocle also too.

    • Arborista

      The permanent whine doesn't help…

    • rickmaci

      How can you take a guy named Rinse Penis seriously, really?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I thought it was Rinse Prepuce.

        Hey, do I follow you on Twitter?

    • IceCreamEmpress

      I think it's that he's a horrible igmo racist misogynist homophobic asscandle, maybe?

    • SnarkOff

      Is it that his name is Reince?

      • mayor_quimby

        Is there any other human named Reince? Or Mitt for at matter?

        • IceCreamEmpress

          An extra "other" somehow got into your sentence, fyi.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You totes won my heart with "so much bukkake." Back off, SorosBot, the wench is MINE, I say!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You know what? He looks like a perv version of PeeWee Herman.

    • An_Outhouse

      its a Wisconsin thing. he looks like walker.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Jesus! I am for sure getting off this lawn. Right now!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And make it quick, you whippersnapper.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        *Sprints down acre of terribly expensive manicured monoculture*

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          (Shakes fist, yells at cloud, turns on sprinkler system, laughs fucking ass off)

  • Guppy

    Oh God, the singing diabetic singing a diabetic song! Make it stop!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    I'm watching the Through The Wormhole episdode #3, on the beginning, structure and fate of Time in our Universe. I badly need some perspective and I'm fucking sick of these people already and it's only Tuesday. Someone help.

    • Arborista

      Will this be of any use to you? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7GepOF-D-c

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        "Jumpbackinthealley!" Yes, thank you. That does help!

        Going out to find my Rhythm Stick.

        • Arborista

          Hit me! But not too hard- I'm sensitive, you know…

          • C_R_Trogloraptor

            You got it! But, easy like.

        • viennawoods13

          It's nice to be a lunatic.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            And we seem to have an abundance of them, right here. (Eyes fellow-Wonketteers wistfully)

  • Arborista

    So this Artur Davis guy is the antiCrist?

  • Guppy

    Seriously, you know what the one defining difference is between the Republican Party and the National Socialist Party? A focus on physical fitness.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Another one is making the trains run on time. And, trains.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      And snappy uniforms.

    • rickmaci

      Better choreographed party meetings.

  • MissTaken

    They're dancing again. Drink!

  • Guppy

    Aaaand the C-SPAN cameraman is trying to get himself a bottle-blonde.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I thought Saratoga Springs was in NY.

    • Steverino247

      Well, it was when I drove through it last July. Did somebody move it?

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Mia Love– mayor of Saratoga Springs, Utah. Didn't know there was one there, too.

        • TribecaMike

          Supposedly, there's a Saratoga Springs NY-themed resort & spa at Disneyworld.

  • Guppy

    If I made comments about her hair, would I be too catty?

    • MissTaken

      Not if I can make comments about those too puffy lips.

    • shebeers

      Guppy, just asking this question makes you a lady/gentleman. The whitey-rightey-tightey wing nuts have a website dedicated to dissing our fabulous FLOTUS' hair, etc and never think it's catty at all.

  • SorosBot

    For those of us who don't want to pay Comcast over $100 a month, is this streaming online somewhere?

    • MissTaken

      nbcnews.com is how i'm watching while stuck at work.
      http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032553/ns/politics/

      • SorosBot

        Thanks, hon. I think. (Maybe my sanity would have been better off without that).

    • Guppy
    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      For those of us who don't want to watch this online or off, is there a good baby panda stream online somewhere?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      It's actually on broadcast TV — for some reason, even though Reince Preibus was all annoyed that the major networks weren't showing the whole thing live, he never mentioned that PBS would be showing almost the entire thing. Go figure.

      • SorosBot

        Sadly, as I said elsewhere, my antenna doesn't get our PBS station's weak-ass signal.

        • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

          Cutting the PBS budget — Newt the Asshole's most lasting achievement.

      • miss_grundy

        The Rethugs hate PBS because it tries to be impartial but at the same time educate people and 'thugs just want everyone to be stupid and watch Faux News.

    • reliefsinn

      Try this one, you can also get the msnbc live stream on other nights. http://blog.livenewschat.tv/special-events/

      I don't think I can watch much more of this "we built this" bulls**t.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    We built S. A.! U S built it A! Goddamn, fucking pick something to chant and stick with it.

  • Guppy

    Janine Turner was kind enough to wear a blue screen for the internets to exploit.

    • SorosBot

      What does Rob Morrow have to say about this?

      I mean besides "Why the fuck did I ever leave that show; I should have paid attention to Shelly Long's career".

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    LOL @ Janine Turner

  • Barrelhse

    “After John Boehner comes Reince Priebus, the Republican party chairman and human anagram. His address need not detain us long, except to paraphrase…”
    -from Guardian.UK

    • Arborista

      PBS very kindly skipped over Janine.

  • MissTaken

    Janine's eyebrows are scaring me.

    • Guppy

      I think there's only one.

    • Steverino247

      Alert Tokyo to the potential attack!

  • iTuna

    You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see every elected official attacking Obama's 'You didn't build that' line TURN DOWN any and all federal appropriations for their districts. Stand by your words, fuckers, and see what happens.

  • Misty Malarky

    We are all Tea Bagging tonight.

  • iTuna

    Man, this fuckin' thing is whiter than a Bob Seger concert. This isn't representative of the America I live in at all, and it's insane that so many people believe it is.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    *Long camera shot of the Apollo 11 Saturn V rocket and gantry on the crawler, moving out from the Vehicle Assembly Building to the launch pad area.*

    Camera starts low, sweeps up the majestic length of the most powerful rocket in the world and lingers lovingly on the Columbia command/service module.

    Header, top: WE BUILT THIS

    footer, bottom fade: WITH TAXES. TOGETHER.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Hee Haw! I built it with my own two fucking hands!

  • TootsStansbury

    Ugh. I managed exactly one minute of weasel faced Walker. I turned on the news on PBS and they're covering this garbage. I can't deal. Thank you Wonkette for taking the poison for us. Gods and Godesses help us if these assholes get in power. We're done.

    • SorosBot

      Sadly my antenna doesn't get our PBS station; or our ABC one but then the only show worth watching on that is Jeopardy.

      • TootsStansbury

        But Jeopardy rocks!

        This shit doesn't.

    • An_Outhouse

      i changed it to nature on pbs_2

  • Guppy

    "The Obama Administration believes in experts. We believe in people who don't know jack shit and are proud of it."

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    I can't watch this. Someone let me know when the Great Old Ones show up.

    • Guppy

      Sorry, nothing but Mediocre Old Ones as far as the camera can see.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        See, this is what I mean. At least Nyarlathotep and Hastur the Unspeakable are real party guys.

      • bobbert

        So, they're not going to eat our brains, just what, sneeze on them?

    • BlueStateLibel

      "When" the Great Old Ones show up? Just pan your eyes through the assembled crowd and there they be. Seventy is the new 30 for today's GOP.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        A). I'm not watching. I just can't break any more furniture.

        B). Great and Old. Not just Old. there's entirely enough of that around.

      • HistoriCat

        Great as in "awe-inspiring". Remember, elect Cthulhu – those who vote for him will be devoured first!

        • C_R_Trogloraptor

          Why settle for the Lesser Evil?

  • OurHoboSenator

    And here I'd been kind of getting into the Oak Ridge Boys' cover of "Seven Nation Army."

    • Arborista

      It was a little bit awesome, huh?

    • An_Outhouse

      7nation army as in the Iroquois nation?

  • C_R_Trogloraptor
  • Guppy

    I think that blonde in the red dress needs to slap a restraining order on the C-SPAN cameraman already.

  • SorosBot

    OK; got ABC's YouTube streaming working, but they've just got some bald guy, some lady in a shiny pink shirt, and David fucking Brooks the asshole moron opinionating right now.

    • iTuna

      MSNBC's website is streaming uncut coverage. Can you not get that working?

      • SorosBot

        For about ten seconds at a time, then loading, loading, ten more seconds, loading, etc.

  • Guppy

    Why does Cathy McMorris Rodgers have more than one surname? Doesn't she submit to her husband?

  • OurHoboSenator

    How did this woman get elected to office? She is a horrible public speaker

  • SorosBot

    Redshirt lady: small businesses low taxes less regulation main street blah blah tired talking points bullshit yawn.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Redshirt? Don't worry. I'll bet she won't be around for long.

  • SorosBot

    This Senator from New Hampshire is wearing the exact same shade of red as the last speaker – is that a uniform for the women tonight? She also sounds like she either smokes two packs a day or has a heavy cold. Oh and she starts off with her husband's accomplishments, not her own; how Republican.

    • James Michael Curley

      Our esteemed congress critters and senatorials actually believe people watch C-Span while the Senate and House proceedings are broadcast. If you ever catch their show you will find that women wearing red is endemic. For years. I guess they think it is so the peeps at home can identify them as in "Hey, Murray! Which fat old broad in red is our Senator?" "All of them Katy!"

    • Arborista

      She can use a snowplow- just the kind of experience needed for public office.

  • iTuna

    Why is Marie from Breaking Bad being such an asshole?

  • mavenmaven

    Nevada- 17 votes for Ron Paul. HAHAHA

  • Guppy

    God forbid a Republican woman say "PEE-nalize" on stage! Oh, the pearls that would be clutched!

    EDIT: You know, if the Paultards really want to shut this down, they'd start chanting "VA GI NA!"

  • SorosBot

    Gah, more of this bullshit claiming that government somehow harms job creation. No it doesn't; it helps it. Idiots.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      See how those high tax rates on the rich crushed America's economic growth from 1950-1990? Huh … me neither.

      The Republiltards' alternative history sure does have some weird shit in it.

      • SorosBot

        Just like they've forgotten that there was more regulations back then, before they were gutted by their Reagan and Bush, destroying the economy. But they believe in revisionist history; where the founding fathers who rebelled against the British powers that be were somehow conservatives.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          You mean those anti-colonialists? Don't tell D'Souza, or he'll explain how it was different for them, in a way that will make your head hurt if you think about it, which your'e not supposed to.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            How in the name of the deity's abominable blue butt did that cringing toady Dinesh D'Souza ever get acclaimed as any kind of intellectual?

          • bobbert

            (Hint) Republican intellectual.

            Adjectives can be powerful modifiers.

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          I've said it a few times; I listen to a lot of talk radio. They glorify the Tea Party in Boston Harbor, cite it as inspiration, and if AM radio somehow existed then they'd hold exactly the same contempt for "that common mob, those vandals playing dress-up and destroying perfectly good tea" as they hold today for Occupy or the Wisconsin protestors.

  • Serfville

    I didn't know ZZ Top was opening for Journey. Kewl!

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    I can't believe I tuned in for this shit. "Obama never even ran a lemonade stand!" The rules for being re-elected are getting fucking ridiculous.

    • Guppy

      I was waiting for her to utter "community organizer."

    • Biff

      To be honest, I don't think Mitt ever did, either.

      • Doktor Zoom

        He has several friends who own beverage companies, though.

    • Steverino247

      OK. I once ran a lemonade stand. Make me President!

      Fucking tools!

  • OurHoboSenator

    Fuck lemonade stands. Kids in my bougie suburb have lemonade stands and will run out in front of your car to try to get you to stop.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Lemonade stands are archetypes of successful capitalism.

    • bobbert

      Do they try to wash your windshield with lemonade?

  • IceCreamEmpress

    I am telling you here that the garbage can maggots were infinitely less disgusting than their squirming mindless white invertebrate counterparts in Tampa.

  • SorosBot

    Man Gilcrest is a giant Masshole.

  • Guppy

    "We face more global pressure every day!"

    So… your problem is globalization?

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      It's all that Warming we're not supposed to be talking about.

  • SorosBot

    They really are focused on this running a business bullshit, aren't they? Do these people realize that the vast majority of people don't run businesses, but do the actual work instead?

    • Guppy

      My experience with small businesses is that it was the employees that managed the owner and kept him from running it into the ground.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Who gives a shit about them? They're entirley fungible, in Mitt's world.

    • LibertyLover

      Shhhh…. they're on a roll.

  • Limeylizzie

    I will join the liveblog soon, what time is it on West Coast? I am currently sitting on our deck in just a pair of panties, do I need to get dressed in modest clothing when Queen Ann speaks? Oh and thanks to all you lovely Wonketteers for all the good wishes and kind thoughts for the new baby.

    • Steverino247

      BLOG NAKED.

    • HistoriCat

      I am currently sitting on our deck in just a pair of panties

      You know exactly the kind of reaction that statement generates, don't you – you saucy minx.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Wait … nobody told us about the sauce!

  • cheetojeebus

    You guys watching this, my gawd, I have the utmost respect for you as fellow wonkateers but geesus, have a little self respect, exposing yourself to this degradation? You know it won't wash off. Like your mother said, don't do that! it might stick that way!
    I need one of those boxes they have in movies about alien infections like Andromeda Strain, those isolation things with robot arms you slip your arms inside of, but something for your whole psyche….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm hoping the latex gloves will provide adequate protection. (Anybody know if a wireless mouse helps?)

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        I use a wireless mouse and yes, it does afford an adequate level of protection.

        I'm being extra careful and not watching, though.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Jack Gilchrist, Mitt Romney's career has consisted of eating small businesses like your for lunch. You have no idea how much better off you are now than you would be under an Rmoney administration.

  • OurHoboSenator

    John Kasich: son of a government employee, graduate of a public university, worked in government from the time he graduated. His only private sector experience was when his connections gained through his government work got him a job at Lehman Brothers. You built what, exactly, Johnny Boy?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      A nice retirement home, I'm sure.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Enough of this — I'm going to go listen to the trees and enjoy the last bit of sunshine on my back deck. And pray to whatever higher or lower being that will listen for some interesting times in that convention center. Oh, and fuck that "death tax" bullshit with a rusty chainsaw.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      wisely said.

  • SorosBot

    IT'S CALLED THE ESTATE TAX, YOU MORAN, AND REPEALING IT IS ONE OF THE MOST DISGUSTING THINGS PEOPLE CAN DO, IT IS PURELY ARISTOCRATIC, ALLOWING A FEW FAMILIES TO CONTROL THE COUNTRY'S WEALTH FOREVER.

  • Guppy

    I would not be proud of the credit of my state being given a good rating by the same people who gave a AAA rating to mortgage-backed securities.

  • Doktor Zoom

    The president is causing headwinds? Him and his damn farts!

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      The President's Weird he's got a burgundy beard, it's a Rip off.

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, the budget was balanced in 1997 – you seem to be forgetting a little eight years in the interim by blaming that on Obama.

  • LibertyLover

    Is John Kasich already running for 2016?

  • SorosBot

    Regulations are lower than they have been since the gilded age, you lying liar! They are not smothering; there are way, way too few of them now, which is why business was able to create the recession!

  • SorosBot

    "Taxachusettes"? Ugh groan; someone shoot me.

    • LibertyLover

      I am worried about your blood pressure… you need to pace yourself. Many, Many more lies will be told in the course of this evening. You know it's coming… like Clayton Williams said in 1990, "you might as well enjoy it."

      • SorosBot

        Yeah; this is just really pissing me off. It's not healthy, I know.

  • Guppy

    There's nothing the audience of a GOP convention can relate to like a golf joke.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Jeez, not sure I have to ask, something about Obama wanting a Mulligan, or hitting only divots or just playing too much golf…

  • Biff

    Jesus, Kasich…

  • SorosBot

    They're still pushing the lie about what Obama said? What morons. Oh and guess what; of course you didn't build it yourself, the government fucking did help, asshole.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      If they want government out of the way, let's start with the laws of incorporation, then eliminate trademark, patent and copyright protections.

  • Guppy

    The history of the state of Oklahoma provides a great example of pursuing the American dream… and shooting it and giving it polio!

  • SorosBot

    How much makeup is Mary Failing wearing? She looks worse than Mimi from The Drew Carey show.

  • SorosBot

    Look up The Homestead Act, idiot; yes the Oklahomans were in fact using the federal government's money, to get that land.

  • TribecaMike

    We built this, and then we lost the manual, so we traded it in for a toaster made in Thailand.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Woo Hoo! Win!

  • Blueb4sinrise
    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      That's …that's Perfect!

      There's more than a few of them that look just like John McCain!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No shit!

        And you can interpret *that* any old way you like.

    • viennawoods13

      Yes, because most of them are white.

  • Guppy

    We'll end America's dependence on foreign oil… by invading Mexico and Venezuela!

  • LibertyLover

    Gov. Fallin of OK…. is talking about Harold going to some College where he got knowledge from some teachers, but he built it himself.

    • Guppy

      And I'm betting there weren't a whole lot of private colleges in Oklahoma at the time.

      • Biff

        Something-somethingland grant university herp…

  • Tribbz

    Needs moar "We Built This City."

    • TribecaMike

      Needs moar asbestos.

  • iTuna

    Where did Harold Hamm attend those college classes? Might it have been one of Oklahoma's excellent, nationally-renowned public universities?

    Yep, it was OU. But that had nothing to do with the government!

  • Guppy

    "Leader of the free world?" Did you forget Reagan won the Cold War?

    • LibertyLover

      I'll bet that special guest on Thursday is going to be zombie Ronald Reagan!

  • SorosBot

    Now they're running Obama's great speech – did they forget who they're trying to elect?

  • LibertyLover

    Transvaginal bob is on the TV.
    Heh.
    TV=Transvaginal And Television.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I would love to pay attention to a bunch of republicans tonight, but my dog has an anal cyst, so pretty much the same thing except hers is less dangerous for the country as a whole.

    PS – have a good time drinking the alcohol!

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Tomorrow's headline will be

    HURRICANE ISAAC MAKES LANDFALL IN S.E. LOUISIANA

    All this will be below the fold. Where it belongs.

    • Terry

      The first article below the fold will be an article about how much more efficient FEMA and other Federal response has become in the last three or so years. Convention below that.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        It had better fucking be. Because it's true.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Thirty hours to countdown.

  • Doktor Zoom

    If we could just pollute everything, we'd all have jerbs!

  • Guppy

    Has Maryland built a fence along the Potomac yet?

    (On the right bank, on the low-tide line, because Virginia didn't build that.)

    • Terry

      The King of England gave the whole frickin river to Maryland several centuries ago. The fence will be at the low tide line on the VA side of the river. NoVa is welcome to petition to become part of Maryland.

  • SorosBot

    Is every single one of these speakers going to say basically the exact same thing?

    • Doktor Zoom

      They did build that impression.

    • Terry

      Got to stick to the script or Rove and the Koch bros won't give you any more money.

  • fartknocker

    Did the RNC forget to invite any blacks or hispanics? Geez that's a bunch of white folks.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Ted Cruz just spoke. Oh wait, he's Cuban. And maybe now they'll finally turn the original pix over to Artur Davis and finally let him off the hook.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Hey, how's the teen pregnancy rate in states that follow the GOP platform's plank on abstinence-only sex ed?

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Apalling.

  • SorosBot

    You're talking about Republican governors and unemployment, with Chris Christie coming up? HAHAHA, he's taken them to the fourth worse unemployment rate in the country.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Oh dear — it's Bob McAsshole, saying that Republican governors get out of the way of people doing business. Except for getting in the way of your uterus.

    Oh, and Virginia's job growth? Federal contracts, federal money, the DC suburbs.

    • LibertyLover

      Don't forget health care jobs…. someone has to "man" those vaginal probes…..

    • Terry

      They grow and sell cancer causing weed throughout most of the rest of the State. Poultry here and there, as well.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I intend to vote for the party that was responsible for the last balanced federal budget, yes.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    TALK, TALK, IT'S ALLLL TALK!

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Denial — drama — dyspepsia.

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        These are "R's" saying words with a "D" this time!

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        This is a dangerous place.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I will upfist anyone forever who posts King Crimson. Fripp is one of my guitar heros.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You ought to know better than to give me such fun and exciting gifts so late at night. I'm totes in lerve. Didn't Adrian Belew play with Frank on at least one album? Live on maybe?

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        Baby Snakes. Toured, also and he's played with Dweezil too.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Thanks, Bob McDonnell — for telling us to imagine how a Romney presidency would work with Bob Kasich and Scott Walker and Jan Brewer and — well — as much as fear shouldn't be a motivating factor, that's something to be afraid of.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Wow, that was mediocre!

    • Doktor Zoom

      It was good, honest Republican cloth-coat mediocrity.

  • Guppy

    Primary colors are popular tonight.

  • Guppy

    Ah, so Bev Gray borrowed against her home, thereby taking advantage of the government's tax deduction.

  • SorosBot

    This Bey lady looks almost exactly like Mary Failing; was there a discount on boring middle-aged white blonde ladies who speak in talking points?

  • SorosBot

    Hey it's an actual fascist coming out now!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    If you drank every time "built it", "build that", or "build it" has been uttered thus far, you'd have had alcohol poisoning an hour ago.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Every time I see that photo of John McCain, I feel as if I've been legitimately raped.

  • Guppy

    Scott Walker? I didn't realize there was a secret bank tunnel into the Tampa auditorium.

  • SorosBot

    Uh, Walker, the days of record job losses started AFTER you took over; look at the fucking statistics.

  • SorosBot

    No. Scott; it was a choice between the hard-working taxpayers and the bloated corporate tax-evading plutocrats. And the hard-working taxpayers that you hate lost.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    If it's good for Sandy, goddamn it, it's good for us all.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I can't watch. Did I miss anything?

    • SorosBot

      Yes; you missed one thing, said over and over and over again.

  • SorosBot

    That's nice that lazy-ass employers think Wisconsin is headed in the right direction; what do the employees, the actual hard-working people, think?

  • BarackMyWorld

    WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN private sector WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN jobs WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN government WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN…jobs.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Mitt Romney has passion? I didn't think there was a firmware upgrade for that.

    • TribecaMike

      Romney is the antithesis of shareware.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      His wares are, apparently, far from firm. Or so Ann would have us believe.

  • Biff

    Fuck you, walker–how many hundreds of millions did the USOC take from the feds to put on the SLC Olympics?

  • SorosBot

    Yes, there are people who think more about the future of their children and their grandchildren than their own political careers – they are called liberals.

  • Guppy

    That back-up band, he didn't build that!

  • SorosBot

    Of course they have a country singer, wearing a cowboy hat. No one wears a cowboy hat who is not a total douchebag shithead.

    (Well actors in Western movies, but that's it).

  • Blueb4sinrise
  • Guppy

    Instead of leaving the house and talking to girls, I'm watching this.

    What the fuck is wrong with me?

    • finallyhappy

      I left the house and tried to chat with a cuttlefish. I waved at it and blinked- and in any circumstance, a cuttlefish is way more interesting than the GOP convention- even if it didn't change color and texture. there is no color or texture at that convention from what I see written here.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I've always liked you, and now I know why. Anybody who tries to chat with cuttlefish just *has* to be OK, don't they, CRE? CRE? (looks around)

        Anybody seen CRE? He was behind me a minute ago.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      This is historic, if my hunch is correct, there may not BE a GOP, as we know it, in 2016, so this may be the last Republican Convention as such. We're seeing them in their late decadence.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You know? You could be right.

        Still can't bring myself to watch them being assholes, though.

  • TribecaMike

    Oh goody, that guy in Montana who dressed up like Bigfoot and got run over on the highway is speaking next.

  • Guppy

    Wait wait wait… the GOP now has a problem with the divine right of kings? It has the word "divine" right in it!

  • SorosBot

    Uh-oh, he's praising immigrants, and he's brown; the crowd is getting restless.

  • SorosBot

    So his mom was a teacher, he went to law school, became a state legislator, then a judge, then governor – has the government never done anything for him too?

    And yep, he also says big government is somehow bad.

    • Doktor Zoom

      That private sector is working out really well for him

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    The local news here in Minneapolis was reporting how the Minnesota conventioneers were placed in the nose bleed section behind some poles because a bunch of them are Paultards.

    • Terry

      They're probably right about why they got those seats.

    • bobbert

      They put the Swedes behind the Poles? That's cold.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Sorry, but there can only be one Master Chef…a year.

  • belmontreport

    I can't wait. Did you know that Ann Romney had MS AND breast cancer? I bet she'll avoid talking about that, because it would be weird to use your medical history to try to get your husband elected as president with the promise that he'd take health care away from poor people.

    • Doktor Zoom

      But if they work hard, they could have health care too, maybe, of some kind. If nothing else, the EPA wouldn't be able to restrict nuclear plants, where the poors could get free radiation when they visit. You want to take away their incentive?

    • spareme

      Naw, she's gonna talk about her miscarriage, so America can relate better than Mitt. I wonder if she is gonna mention that some personhood agendas will call operations on etoptic pregnancies abortion. I guess you throw Momma out with the baby it they ever figure out a way to pass one of those awful laws.

  • LibertyLover

    Aren't all of the Republican Governors so purty? Oh wait. Except Brewer. And Kasich. And Christie. Shit.

  • SorosBot

    And the crowd is uncharacteristically quiet for the Latino governor of Nevada, even though he's saying basically the same thing as everyone else. Strange.

    • Biff

      Brian's not a very Mexican name, though, is it?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        No, and he's always careful to point out that his kids "don't look Mexican."

  • iTuna

    This guy made road signs? Built his business on selling road signs to the government? He was a government contractor?

    He didn't build that.

  • Guppy

    I'm an undocumented Mexican, so I am a bump in the road!

  • iTuna

    SANTORUM TIIIIIIIIIIIIME~~~~

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    It's Moral Orel!

    • Guppy

      No, Moral Orel is far, far too cool to be sullied like this.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Like I said before I'm not watching …. yet.

    So I must ask….

    How white is the crowd?

    • gullywompr

      You must ask? Seriously?

    • LibertyLover

      As white as any typical country club anywhere in the country.

    • iTuna

      Bob Seger concert-level white.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        HAHAHAHA! OMG am I bad for laughing so much at that?

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      I have sunglasses on and I'm not even watching this.

    • SorosBot

      It's like, how much more white could this be? and the answer is none. None more white.

    • An_Outhouse

      they burned out my retina display

      • C_R_Trogloraptor

        You could white balance your digital camera.

    • bobbert

      XoFFFFFF

  • SorosBot

    Frothy! Frothy mix!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    ….my oldest son John wanted to be here tonight, but he's actually a fetus in a jar.

  • SorosBot

    "Thank you, Pennsylvania" – for kicking my ass out by an 18% margin?

  • Doktor Zoom

    And now, Man on Dog speaks for Dog on Car.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      You should be narrating live, from the MSNBC booth.

  • LibertyLover

    Mind the Santorum…

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Gross. I was just flipping through channels and saw santorum on TV. I am constantly amazed by the disgusting things they put on TV.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      It's not even after 10 in the East. I'm calling the FCC.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I saw it on public TV while I was TRYING to eat dinner. I see a sternly worded letter in my future.

        • C_R_Trogloraptor

          Augh. Those dinner Santorum sightings are the worst. Thank FSM for remote controls.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yes, but he's not *running* any more.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        A guy who is basically unelectable and makes half the country nauseous is one of the GOP's big stars. It would be sad if it wasn't so hilarious.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Well, at least his name isn't another word for that disgusting frothy mix of … oh, wait, you *weren't* talking about Christie?

  • Doktor Zoom

    If only we could kick all those lazy shits off welfare, we'd be prosperous.

  • Guppy

    Oh God, the "married with a high-school degree" spiel again.

    He's saving the environment by recycling speeches.

    • Biff

      I always call my GED a "degree", too.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Causal relationships are a complete mystery to this man.

  • LibertyLover

    Statistics. How riveting.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    It's a Festival of Cognitive Dissonance. I hope there's fried dough.

  • Guppy

    "Nationalized curriculum?" No Child Left Behind?

  • belmontreport

    Wow, so he just attacked gay people and blegh people in the same bit. CONGRATS Santorum for continuing your streak as the WORST Republican of all time. Nixon appreciates it.

  • spareme

    Why are they putting this loser up to speak? Didn't he like – lose? I think he had a chemical peel on his shiny face, too.

  • Doktor Zoom

    aaaaaaand there's the welfare lie!

  • LibertyLover

    That blue screen reminds me of an amoeba I once studied.

  • gullywompr

    Fucking liar.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well, liar, sure. Fucking, I don't know about. After all, they're religiously observant Catholics, and his wife hasn't gotten preggers ONCE since the jarbaby.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    He's really interested in hands.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor
    • bobbert

      Or anything you want to.

  • Doktor Zoom

    This is some hand job he's giving the RNC

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    One Organism, One Vote!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I held hands with a hand..

    • Biff
    • C_R_Trogloraptor
    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I hold your hand in mine, dear
      I press it to my lips
      I take a little bite of
      Your dainty fingertips

      — Tom Lehrer

  • TribecaMike

    In an effort by the GOP to increase Nielsen numbers, there will now be a fifteen minute pause in the proceedings while some guy in Dubuque makes a call on the big white telephone.

  • Doktor Zoom

    "the little broken hands of the disabled."

    I MAY NEVER STOP VOMITING

    • gullywompr

      fuck that self-satisfied smirk of his

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Did he say that?

      See this is why I can't watch these things. I'm not insane enough yet.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The hands came to see him? Is he hallucinating?

    • Doktor Zoom

      And at night, he is haunted by the faces of those he's wronged.

  • gullywompr

    Enough with the creeping groping…

  • Guppy

    "Death panel" in 5… 4…

  • belmontreport

    Serious question: Do Republicans TRY to have children with Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 so that they can talk about them in every speech?

    • Guppy

      Willful ignorance of medical advice is part and parcel of their broader willful ignorance of science in general.

    • Biff

      $arah DID say they needed more like him…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Unlike most science-based lifeforms, Republicans assume that an invisible sky fairy is responsible for anything that pops out of a woman's vagina, and therefore it is not important to consider any science, evidence, or consequences.

  • Guppy

    "Each of us has dignity… except the queers!"

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Put your head back in the clouds and SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
    Santorum.

  • iTuna

    Fuck you, Ted Cruz.

  • Guppy

    Every time someone treats the Constitution as scripture, Baby Madison cries.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I read that as Billy Madison. So, yeah, same deal, kinda.

  • TribecaMike

    I just can't watch this crap, so I'm relying on you all's comments to stay informed. Besides, if I wanted to lapse into a coma I'd watch the Twins-Mariners game.

  • Doktor Zoom

    (Hey kids, new thread is running….)

  • LibertyLover

    I thought Republicans were against choice.

  • ttommyunger

    You would have to rig me up like Clockwork Orange to get me to watch that shit. Enjoy the party, kids, be safe.

  • shebeers

    Really RNC, not one mention about our men and women serving in the military? Just thought you may want to thank the troops and families like the Obama's and Biden's do. Guess it just slipped your mind? Well F**k YOU!

    Navy Mom

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Of course not — the troops are just a collective of government workers, socialists working for the common protection of our nation. Now military contractors, there's a fine group of corporate individuals that deserve a big RNC shout out.