PROGRAMMING  5:47 pm August 28, 2012

Your Wonkette Tuesday Liveblogging & Tampa Party Details

by Jim Newell

Two Things:

  • Your Wonkette communist overlord Rebecca Schoenkopf will be hosting a Wonkette Party tonight in Tampa, at “six or seven,” which is basically right now. Go to this place:

    MacDinton’s,
    405 South Howard Avenue
    Tampa, Florida 33606
    (813)251-8999

  • 2) Your Wonkette blogger Jim Newell will liveblog speeches from Ann Romney and Chris Christie starting at 10:00 ET. We have been itching to liveblog a convention speech from that fat guy for some time now. Will someone liveblog earlier speeches? Probably not, but we’ll let you know if this changes, so there. Hooray!
  • That is all.

     

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 480 comments }

Jus_Wonderin August 28, 2012 at 5:50 pm

OH GOD. I REFRESHED. OH GOD!

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

That's not God, that's Beheaded McCain.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

That Blingee will haunt us for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!

UW8316154 August 28, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Jesus Christ! I opened up my wonkett to a floating, disembodied head blinking at me!
I might have just peed a little.

/hangs head in shame

nounverb911 August 28, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Do they serve Hurricanes at MacDinton’s?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Do they have strippers? I know, you only get pasties if you also want booze, but you do want that "Tampa Republican" vibe, don't you?

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

For University of Miami Hurricanes, everything's on the house.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Happy almost-birthday, Senator Blingee! Wonketteers will drink to you, I'm sure- they'll drink for any damned reason…

bflrtsplk August 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Who needs a reason?

ChernobylSoup August 28, 2012 at 5:52 pm

You should put Ron Paul in your purse and take him to the drinky thing. He could be the mascot.

Terry August 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

God, could you imagine how preachy and strident Ron Paul would be if he had a few drinks in him?

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Give him a brush and tell him he's President of the bathrooms.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Maybe he'd finally mellow out a bit… The weed doesn't seem to be helping.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 28, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Are the GOP helicoptering in Christie? Or did they figure a way to get him in other than dropping him through the roof?

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 5:57 pm

He'll roll in around 9:00.

SixThirty August 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Biff August 28, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Peter Griffith is the governor of NJ?

HogeyeGrex August 28, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I assumed they floated him down against the Gulf Stream. Is the convention center on a canal or something?

OzoneTom August 28, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Operation Dumbo Drop?

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Dumbass Drop.

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Cargo doors in he convention center, you can drive an 18 wheeler thru em..
So they'll have to grease ol tubby to squeeze him in.

mr bojangles August 28, 2012 at 5:52 pm

why bother, here is christie's speech

you re a real big shot!!!!!! keep walkin'!!! [clutches vanilla ice cream cone]

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Ann's not speaking until ten? Doesn't she have servants to berate or something?

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 5:57 pm

She has people who berate the servants. How gauche to address them directly!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 7:41 pm

The networks cut back their infomercial coverage, and for some reason the GOP wants this nasty patrician Marie Antoinette on national TV even though everyone she condescends to hates her.

starfanglednut August 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I know. It's hilarious. She's supposed to humanize Mittard.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Our media lapdogs are drooling about her warmth and charm even as we speak. The warmth and charm exuded by someone who addresses the hoi polloi as "you people," and tells us all how happy she is that many women have no choice about getting up and going to work to feed their children, when the only work she had to do to feed *hers* was sign an authorization for sale of stock.

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Exactly, she comes across as an insufferable rich woman who you would hate to have brunch with.
She'd give you a dirty look for having a mimosa ( no that is not a gay drink, dammit!)

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm

She truly seems like one of those people who would order the most expensive meal, then suggest everyone split the bill.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

They serve brunch at Costco?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Equally. After having ordered god knows how many side dishes and appetizers and desserts and frou-frou drinkies wiv umbrollies in 'em. Bitch.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

No alt text? What is wrong with you?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 28, 2012 at 5:54 pm

<cough>Drunk</cough>

Jim Newell August 28, 2012 at 5:56 pm

saving energy for more dumb jokes tonight

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Why can't we have both?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Damn, y'all are demanding li'l fuckers. So,wassup, CRE?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Terrible, terrible things on Teeve that I'm not watching.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

And, if I actually watch the GOP convention, will Wonkette help pay for the years of therapy I will need afterwards?

Jus_Wonderin August 28, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Vouchers, man. Vouchers.

SavageDrummer August 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Luntz is field testing "Freedom Tickets" as a rebranding

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

As in freedom from this earthly vale of sorrow?

fartknocker August 28, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Healthcare coupons!

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Health Stamps! From Romney/Ryan, the Health Stamp Co-Presidents!

vulpes82 August 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Who will Chris Christie yell at, though? Union members are shot at the door.

HogeyeGrex August 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

He will yell at the corpses to get their lazy asses out of the aisle as they're blocking it for those with the ambition to live.

UW8316154 August 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

The corpses of coal miners, blocking the exits.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Nah, a bunch of AFLCIO doods got in and heckled Rubio's ass off, calling him a corporate whore and a goon for big money interests. It was good.

Callyson August 28, 2012 at 5:54 pm

And I've got class tonight, so I'll miss the live version, but I'll check in later here to read all of the good snark from everyone. Have fun!

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Call us sometime when you don't have any class.

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I have no class. I can call you now.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I think Steverino's fussy that way. He wants *Callyson* to call him with no class.

James Michael Curley August 29, 2012 at 6:10 am

So this whole place is occupied by unemployed teachers.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Anybody with any class should be planning to miss this. (As little class as I have, I'm looking over the Netflix offerings right now.)

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I think there's actually a Satyajit Ray film available for InstaWatch, which is cool, because it's next to impossible to see those any more. Also, Kurosawa's Ran, which is from the height of his later period and an incredible use of panoramic action shots. If you like that sort of thing.

And then there's always Withnail and I, or Tuvalu, for those of us with a taste for the louche.

miss_grundy August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

You don't like Claude Lalouch?????

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Oh, you! I saw what you did there.

And I was gonna tell you all about how I should've but haven't yet gotten around to enjoying his oeuvre. Humph.

RedneckMuslin August 28, 2012 at 5:54 pm

This is when I'm glad to be an oldz. I'll be asleep before Ann talks.

Jus_Wonderin August 28, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I just drink heavily. Well, and I am old.

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Don't fall asleep with the convention on – that harpy will cut through slumber like a voucher through fixed-income.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

That deserves a Mighty Upfist.

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Oh, you!

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Was it good for you too, dear? (flees at high speed)

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Just as well you don't know what they have in mind for you when you wake.

outragedcitizen August 29, 2012 at 8:37 am

I'm an oldz too, but I will be watching the TNT shows I DVR'd yesterday. It pays to think ahead.

elviouslyqueer August 28, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Oh, all right. If you insist

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

He's packing some extra walnuts in his left cheek for good luck. (yeah, yeah, I know it's an old photo..)

gullywompr August 28, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Yeah, Christie gives me an itch too.

Poindexter718 August 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

You'll miss Santorum's speech, but maybe just order a "Santorum Slide"–frothy mixture of egg whites, vodka, D-Ray poop and Gardasil–and drink a toast in his honor.
Regrettably, I cannot attend, as I don't drink with anyone who uses "host" as a verb (I'm a sad, lonely and, yes, somewhat bitter grammarian).

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 6:13 pm

All our problems can be traced back to the Norman Conquest — English hasn't been the same since.

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 8:33 pm

You're in luck! Today's self-help topic is: Coping with Bitterness

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I find a pre-soaking combined with a dash of fish sauce and a spoon of molasses or dark sugar does wonders for that sort of thing.

Especially if mixed into a bloody mary.

HempDogbane August 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I'm not going to watch that bunch of losers. I'm watching the Twins instead.

nounverb911 August 28, 2012 at 6:05 pm

It could be worse, you could be watching the Red Sox.

coolhandnuke August 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Megs McCans is on the teevee?

Biff August 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Jenna and Barbara?

shelwood46 August 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Abby and Brittany?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Those Miilton girls are something else, aren't they?

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Just don't call them Twinkies.

fartknocker August 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

If you see Mitt or Ann can you ask them how I can get my accountant to have to pay only 2.5% income tax from the earned interest on my account in Luxemborg. First round is on Fartknocker.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Is "War on Coal" a Thing now?

Pithaughn August 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Oh you betcha. Why this coal mine owner nearby here, he could only build a pretend western town with it's ownwater and sewer system. If there was not a war on coal he would have built his first choice, a slum in old England with work houses and replicas of poors that are rotting in the town dump.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Oh, there's plenty of poors rotting in the town dump right now, no need for replicas.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Obama's got the "War on Coal". The Repubes got the "War on Coal Miners".

West Virginia gets the worst of it, either way.

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again:FUCK COAL.

Dirty to dig up, dirty to burn. Coal kills.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Has Mia Love, Utah's token…err….local hero spoken yet?
How many other small town mayors with 18 months of experience under their belt have spoken today?

supernoun August 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

>How many other small town mayors with 18 months of experience under their belt have spoken today?

…is Sarah Palin going to be there?

Maman August 28, 2012 at 6:25 pm

No, the GOP learned their lesson with Sarah Palin. They are looking for a local hero that knows here place.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

She's been replaced by a new novelty toy with more ah…novelty.

emmelemm August 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Mia Love… not a bad porn name.

SavageDrummer August 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Specializing in masturbation scenes…

barto August 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I thought the event horizon surronding the black hole that is the mass of Chris Christie prevented light, much less sound, from escaping him.

supernoun August 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

god, if only!

sadly, physics is not on our side with Chris Christie. He is plenty audible.

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Still a plate of bean burritos in front of him and you will hear him for days.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Unfortunately, these sciency laws of yours do not apply to Chris Christie's farts, which are both foul and audible. It's how he communicates.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I'll need a Hopium fix to get through this.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I see…Becca drinks while Jim works. It's good to be the king.

HogeyeGrex August 28, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Do you think that either:

A) Becca does not drink while Becca works, or B) Jim does not drink while Jim works?

Hm.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:23 am

C) None of the above, Katie.

Native_of_SL_UT August 28, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I would suggest a drinking game based on the times a former president gets mentioned in a positive light in all of the speeches but it wouldn't be fair.
Anybody picking Reagan will probably need an ambulance before it gets dark outside,
People who choose Clinton will get moderately drunk.
People who choose George W Bush will remain as sober as he claimed to be.
People who choose George HW bush are just stupid.

FlownOver August 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I'm going with Jimmy Carter. I have 911 on speed dial 'cause I prolly won't be able to handle three digits with any degree of accuracy.

Oh… wait… "a positive light?" WTF?!?!?!?

fartknocker August 28, 2012 at 8:24 pm

If they mention Dick Cheney I'll projectile vomit.

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

You won't be alone, my friend.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I'm going with James Polk. Should be good for a slight buzz at least.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Yes, well, they won't if they have any sense, since it's a fair bet that most of yon yokels haven't a clue who the fuck James Polk is. Probly think he invented polka music.

supernoun August 28, 2012 at 6:15 pm

so excited for this liveblogging. gonna go out and procure my beer now. a boyscout is always prepared!!

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Every time C-SPAN publishes a Paultard Twit, take a shot.

Terry August 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm

The only thing that could save the convention tonight would be a major Paultard stunt on the floor that disrupts one or more speeches.

randcoolcatdaddy August 28, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Ah, Wonkette … I come for the great political insight and stay for the McCain blingees and alcohol.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Goddammit. And here I was thinking it was the buttsechs.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Mmmmm…we haven't had a liveblog in a while. I *think* my liver is recovered from the primaries.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I'm just wishing I had alcohol now.

glasspusher August 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm

…rather than the other way around? Yeah, I know what you mean.

weejee August 28, 2012 at 6:28 pm

When will Ollie North be speechifying?

GhostBuggy August 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Oh god, is he really going to speak? Why not throw Liddy up there while they're at it?

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm

The GOP has made a fatal blunder by threatening to take our porn.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm

They'll get my porn when they peel my cold dead hand…eer….eehh..you get the idea.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Lookit, you know as well as I do the only reason they put that shit in the platform is so they can spend the next X months, if not years, looking at every bit of porn they can, to see which need banning. At our expense. They know damn well that taking the porn of old (and young, let's be honest) white men WILL start the Revolution.

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I'm enjoying a Breaking Bad marathon on Netflix.

BlueStateLibel August 28, 2012 at 6:54 pm

What's Chris Crisco going to talk about? How New Jersey has the fourth-highest unemployment rate in the nation? How one of its cities (Camden) had to lay off its entire police force? How he blew a federal education grant because he hates teachers so much? How he blew a key transportation deal into Manhattan that would have brought millions into the state? How he needs to take a car to the grandstand at his son's sports' event because he's so lazy? How he is such an inept, corrupt, corpulent governor?

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Mark Shields sez it's his job to welcome folks to the convention…

SavageDrummer August 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Chris Christie: Walmart greeter

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

You beat me to it, damn your eyes.

Geminisunmars August 28, 2012 at 8:00 pm

See, he has stuck to his principles, unlike that whining Bobby Jingles governor.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Piyush Jindal And His Squeaky Tenor. Good title for a gay sex novel?

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

You must mean for the kitsch value?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

I'm easy. (Leers at Arborista)

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 11:12 am

Excellent. Sequel will be Jindal and His Squeaky Toy.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Makes him sound like the dawg that he is.

PubOption August 28, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Part of his speech will be about not needing a teleprompter. Personally, I don't care about teleprompters, but would rather have politicians write their own speeches.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

he needed a helicoptor not a car to get to the kid's game. a state helicopter.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 1:58 am

Annnnd … a car to get from the helicopter to the grandstand.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

If I watch Ann’s speech I fear I will die of insincerity poisoning.
Maybe alcohol will oprovide some resistance.

Terry August 28, 2012 at 7:21 pm

To counter Ann's insincerity poisoning you have to enjoy a drink containing both alcohol and caffeine (say, an Irish coffee) with an auto worker or teamster.

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

But what is happening now? Did the Paulistas riot? Did they succeed in shouting down that nice Puerto Rican lady?

See, I would watch the feed, but I already had to scrub maggots out of my garbage cans today, so my stomach isn't up to watching video of the Know-Nothing Party getting its smug on.

oenspiek August 28, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Hooray! Senator Blingee still looks better than the rest of the rethugs!

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I see white people 'dancing'. The horror.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Something NOBODY should EVER have to see.

Srsly, is it genetic, or something? I mean, some white women can shake a booty, but straight white men canNOT dance as god is my witness to save their lives. CanNOT. And lord knows I have tried to make them.

You can take that any way you want.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:28 am

I resemble that remark. But I also subscribe to "dance like there's nobody watching", so SORRY.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Boner just said he was born in a bar or something.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm

And then they threw him out

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Such a fitting speech for a drunk.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 7:30 pm

They threw a lot of guys out. Party of inclusion?

rickmaci August 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I thought it was an Orange Julius.

Gleem McShineys August 28, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Wait, then who was born in the Willy Wonka factory?

Crank_Tango August 28, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I dunno, but Boner was conceived in the bathroom of a greyhound bus, I remember that part from the song.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I thought he was born in the wagon of a traveling show.

rickmaci August 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Wasn't the Willy Waver Larry Craig?

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Chris Christie- they managed to get rid of the blueberry color, but the door wasn't wide enough for the Oompa Loompas to get him into the juicing room…

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

weren't we all.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:29 am

He killed a bar when he was only three?

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:20 pm

BUTTONS

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Tweety always looks confounded.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:25 pm

There's something about Reince that really irritates me. Is it the too-long sportcoat? Is it the talking out the side of his mouth? Is it the half-closed right eye I have to assume is irritated from so much bukkake? I don't know.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:28 pm

I think they should introduce him as "Mr. Fancy Pants…. Reince Priebus!". He should wear a monocle also too.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 7:31 pm

The permanent whine doesn't help…

rickmaci August 28, 2012 at 8:17 pm

How can you take a guy named Rinse Penis seriously, really?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I thought it was Rinse Prepuce.

Hey, do I follow you on Twitter?

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I think it's that he's a horrible igmo racist misogynist homophobic asscandle, maybe?

SnarkOff August 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Is it that his name is Reince?

mayor_quimby August 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Is there any other human named Reince? Or Mitt for at matter?

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

An extra "other" somehow got into your sentence, fyi.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

You totes won my heart with "so much bukkake." Back off, SorosBot, the wench is MINE, I say!

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

You know what? He looks like a perv version of PeeWee Herman.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

its a Wisconsin thing. he looks like walker.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Jesus! I am for sure getting off this lawn. Right now!

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

And make it quick, you whippersnapper.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

*Sprints down acre of terribly expensive manicured monoculture*

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

(Shakes fist, yells at cloud, turns on sprinkler system, laughs fucking ass off)

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Oh God, the singing diabetic singing a diabetic song! Make it stop!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I'm watching the Through The Wormhole episdode #3, on the beginning, structure and fate of Time in our Universe. I badly need some perspective and I'm fucking sick of these people already and it's only Tuesday. Someone help.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Will this be of any use to you? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7GepOF-D-c

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

"Jumpbackinthealley!" Yes, thank you. That does help!

Going out to find my Rhythm Stick.

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Hit me! But not too hard- I'm sensitive, you know…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

You got it! But, easy like.

viennawoods13 August 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

It's nice to be a lunatic.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

And we seem to have an abundance of them, right here. (Eyes fellow-Wonketteers wistfully)

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 7:34 pm

So this Artur Davis guy is the antiCrist?

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Seriously, you know what the one defining difference is between the Republican Party and the National Socialist Party? A focus on physical fitness.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Another one is making the trains run on time. And, trains.

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

And snappy uniforms.

rickmaci August 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Better choreographed party meetings.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm

They're dancing again. Drink!

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Aaaand the C-SPAN cameraman is trying to get himself a bottle-blonde.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I thought Saratoga Springs was in NY.

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Well, it was when I drove through it last July. Did somebody move it?

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Mia Love– mayor of Saratoga Springs, Utah. Didn't know there was one there, too.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Supposedly, there's a Saratoga Springs NY-themed resort & spa at Disneyworld.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 7:43 pm

If I made comments about her hair, would I be too catty?

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Not if I can make comments about those too puffy lips.

shebeers August 29, 2012 at 2:44 am

Guppy, just asking this question makes you a lady/gentleman. The whitey-rightey-tightey wing nuts have a website dedicated to dissing our fabulous FLOTUS' hair, etc and never think it's catty at all.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 7:44 pm

For those of us who don't want to pay Comcast over $100 a month, is this streaming online somewhere?

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm

nbcnews.com is how i'm watching while stuck at work.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032553/ns/politics/

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Thanks, hon. I think. (Maybe my sanity would have been better off without that).

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm
natoslug August 28, 2012 at 7:50 pm

For those of us who don't want to watch this online or off, is there a good baby panda stream online somewhere?

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

It's actually on broadcast TV — for some reason, even though Reince Preibus was all annoyed that the major networks weren't showing the whole thing live, he never mentioned that PBS would be showing almost the entire thing. Go figure.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Sadly, as I said elsewhere, my antenna doesn't get our PBS station's weak-ass signal.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Cutting the PBS budget — Newt the Asshole's most lasting achievement.

miss_grundy August 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

The Rethugs hate PBS because it tries to be impartial but at the same time educate people and 'thugs just want everyone to be stupid and watch Faux News.

reliefsinn August 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Try this one, you can also get the msnbc live stream on other nights. http://blog.livenewschat.tv/special-events/

I don't think I can watch much more of this "we built this" bulls**t.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:45 pm

We built S. A.! U S built it A! Goddamn, fucking pick something to chant and stick with it.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Janine Turner was kind enough to wear a blue screen for the internets to exploit.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 7:52 pm

What does Rob Morrow have to say about this?

I mean besides "Why the fuck did I ever leave that show; I should have paid attention to Shelly Long's career".

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm

LOL @ Janine Turner

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 7:47 pm

“After John Boehner comes Reince Priebus, the Republican party chairman and human anagram. His address need not detain us long, except to paraphrase…”
-from Guardian.UK

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

PBS very kindly skipped over Janine.

MissTaken August 28, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Janine's eyebrows are scaring me.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I think there's only one.

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Alert Tokyo to the potential attack!

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 7:50 pm

You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see every elected official attacking Obama's 'You didn't build that' line TURN DOWN any and all federal appropriations for their districts. Stand by your words, fuckers, and see what happens.

Misty Malarky August 28, 2012 at 7:52 pm

We are all Tea Bagging tonight.

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Man, this fuckin' thing is whiter than a Bob Seger concert. This isn't representative of the America I live in at all, and it's insane that so many people believe it is.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 7:54 pm

*Long camera shot of the Apollo 11 Saturn V rocket and gantry on the crawler, moving out from the Vehicle Assembly Building to the launch pad area.*

Camera starts low, sweeps up the majestic length of the most powerful rocket in the world and lingers lovingly on the Columbia command/service module.

Header, top: WE BUILT THIS

footer, bottom fade: WITH TAXES. TOGETHER.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Hee Haw! I built it with my own two fucking hands!

TootsStansbury August 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Ugh. I managed exactly one minute of weasel faced Walker. I turned on the news on PBS and they're covering this garbage. I can't deal. Thank you Wonkette for taking the poison for us. Gods and Godesses help us if these assholes get in power. We're done.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Sadly my antenna doesn't get our PBS station; or our ABC one but then the only show worth watching on that is Jeopardy.

TootsStansbury August 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

But Jeopardy rocks!

This shit doesn't.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

i changed it to nature on pbs_2

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm

"The Obama Administration believes in experts. We believe in people who don't know jack shit and are proud of it."

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I can't watch this. Someone let me know when the Great Old Ones show up.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Sorry, nothing but Mediocre Old Ones as far as the camera can see.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:10 pm

See, this is what I mean. At least Nyarlathotep and Hastur the Unspeakable are real party guys.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:37 am

So, they're not going to eat our brains, just what, sneeze on them?

BlueStateLibel August 28, 2012 at 8:07 pm

"When" the Great Old Ones show up? Just pan your eyes through the assembled crowd and there they be. Seventy is the new 30 for today's GOP.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

A). I'm not watching. I just can't break any more furniture.

B). Great and Old. Not just Old. there's entirely enough of that around.

HistoriCat August 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Great as in "awe-inspiring". Remember, elect Cthulhu – those who vote for him will be devoured first!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Why settle for the Lesser Evil?

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 8:06 pm

And here I'd been kind of getting into the Oak Ridge Boys' cover of "Seven Nation Army."

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

It was a little bit awesome, huh?

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

7nation army as in the Iroquois nation?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I think that blonde in the red dress needs to slap a restraining order on the C-SPAN cameraman already.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

OK; got ABC's YouTube streaming working, but they've just got some bald guy, some lady in a shiny pink shirt, and David fucking Brooks the asshole moron opinionating right now.

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm

MSNBC's website is streaming uncut coverage. Can you not get that working?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

For about ten seconds at a time, then loading, loading, ten more seconds, loading, etc.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Why does Cathy McMorris Rodgers have more than one surname? Doesn't she submit to her husband?

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm

How did this woman get elected to office? She is a horrible public speaker

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Redshirt lady: small businesses low taxes less regulation main street blah blah tired talking points bullshit yawn.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Redshirt? Don't worry. I'll bet she won't be around for long.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:14 pm

This Senator from New Hampshire is wearing the exact same shade of red as the last speaker – is that a uniform for the women tonight? She also sounds like she either smokes two packs a day or has a heavy cold. Oh and she starts off with her husband's accomplishments, not her own; how Republican.

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Our esteemed congress critters and senatorials actually believe people watch C-Span while the Senate and House proceedings are broadcast. If you ever catch their show you will find that women wearing red is endemic. For years. I guess they think it is so the peeps at home can identify them as in "Hey, Murray! Which fat old broad in red is our Senator?" "All of them Katy!"

Arborista August 28, 2012 at 9:15 pm

She can use a snowplow- just the kind of experience needed for public office.

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Why is Marie from Breaking Bad being such an asshole?

mavenmaven August 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Nevada- 17 votes for Ron Paul. HAHAHA

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:17 pm

God forbid a Republican woman say "PEE-nalize" on stage! Oh, the pearls that would be clutched!

EDIT: You know, if the Paultards really want to shut this down, they'd start chanting "VA GI NA!"

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Gah, more of this bullshit claiming that government somehow harms job creation. No it doesn't; it helps it. Idiots.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

See how those high tax rates on the rich crushed America's economic growth from 1950-1990? Huh … me neither.

The Republiltards' alternative history sure does have some weird shit in it.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Just like they've forgotten that there was more regulations back then, before they were gutted by their Reagan and Bush, destroying the economy. But they believe in revisionist history; where the founding fathers who rebelled against the British powers that be were somehow conservatives.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

You mean those anti-colonialists? Don't tell D'Souza, or he'll explain how it was different for them, in a way that will make your head hurt if you think about it, which your'e not supposed to.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:14 pm

How in the name of the deity's abominable blue butt did that cringing toady Dinesh D'Souza ever get acclaimed as any kind of intellectual?

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I've said it a few times; I listen to a lot of talk radio. They glorify the Tea Party in Boston Harbor, cite it as inspiration, and if AM radio somehow existed then they'd hold exactly the same contempt for "that common mob, those vandals playing dress-up and destroying perfectly good tea" as they hold today for Occupy or the Wisconsin protestors.

Serfville August 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I didn't know ZZ Top was opening for Journey. Kewl!

natoslug August 28, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I can't believe I tuned in for this shit. "Obama never even ran a lemonade stand!" The rules for being re-elected are getting fucking ridiculous.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I was waiting for her to utter "community organizer."

Biff August 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

To be honest, I don't think Mitt ever did, either.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:36 pm

He has several friends who own beverage companies, though.

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm

OK. I once ran a lemonade stand. Make me President!

Fucking tools!

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Fuck lemonade stands. Kids in my bougie suburb have lemonade stands and will run out in front of your car to try to get you to stop.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Lemonade stands are archetypes of successful capitalism.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

Do they try to wash your windshield with lemonade?

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I am telling you here that the garbage can maggots were infinitely less disgusting than their squirming mindless white invertebrate counterparts in Tampa.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Man Gilcrest is a giant Masshole.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

"We face more global pressure every day!"

So… your problem is globalization?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:27 pm

It's all that Warming we're not supposed to be talking about.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:23 pm

They really are focused on this running a business bullshit, aren't they? Do these people realize that the vast majority of people don't run businesses, but do the actual work instead?

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm

My experience with small businesses is that it was the employees that managed the owner and kept him from running it into the ground.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Who gives a shit about them? They're entirley fungible, in Mitt's world.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Shhhh…. they're on a roll.

Limeylizzie August 28, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I will join the liveblog soon, what time is it on West Coast? I am currently sitting on our deck in just a pair of panties, do I need to get dressed in modest clothing when Queen Ann speaks? Oh and thanks to all you lovely Wonketteers for all the good wishes and kind thoughts for the new baby.

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm

BLOG NAKED.

HistoriCat August 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I am currently sitting on our deck in just a pair of panties

You know exactly the kind of reaction that statement generates, don't you – you saucy minx.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 29, 2012 at 2:09 am

Wait … nobody told us about the sauce!

cheetojeebus August 28, 2012 at 8:23 pm

You guys watching this, my gawd, I have the utmost respect for you as fellow wonkateers but geesus, have a little self respect, exposing yourself to this degradation? You know it won't wash off. Like your mother said, don't do that! it might stick that way!
I need one of those boxes they have in movies about alien infections like Andromeda Strain, those isolation things with robot arms you slip your arms inside of, but something for your whole psyche….

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I'm hoping the latex gloves will provide adequate protection. (Anybody know if a wireless mouse helps?)

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I use a wireless mouse and yes, it does afford an adequate level of protection.

I'm being extra careful and not watching, though.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Jack Gilchrist, Mitt Romney's career has consisted of eating small businesses like your for lunch. You have no idea how much better off you are now than you would be under an Rmoney administration.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

And he never took any gummint help. Other than, like, loans. From the Gummint.

OurHoboSenator August 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm

John Kasich: son of a government employee, graduate of a public university, worked in government from the time he graduated. His only private sector experience was when his connections gained through his government work got him a job at Lehman Brothers. You built what, exactly, Johnny Boy?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

A nice retirement home, I'm sure.

natoslug August 28, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Enough of this — I'm going to go listen to the trees and enjoy the last bit of sunshine on my back deck. And pray to whatever higher or lower being that will listen for some interesting times in that convention center. Oh, and fuck that "death tax" bullshit with a rusty chainsaw.

fuflans August 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

wisely said.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:29 pm

IT'S CALLED THE ESTATE TAX, YOU MORAN, AND REPEALING IT IS ONE OF THE MOST DISGUSTING THINGS PEOPLE CAN DO, IT IS PURELY ARISTOCRATIC, ALLOWING A FEW FAMILIES TO CONTROL THE COUNTRY'S WEALTH FOREVER.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I would not be proud of the credit of my state being given a good rating by the same people who gave a AAA rating to mortgage-backed securities.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

The president is causing headwinds? Him and his damn farts!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

The President's Weird he's got a burgundy beard, it's a Rip off.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Yeah, the budget was balanced in 1997 – you seem to be forgetting a little eight years in the interim by blaming that on Obama.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Is John Kasich already running for 2016?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Regulations are lower than they have been since the gilded age, you lying liar! They are not smothering; there are way, way too few of them now, which is why business was able to create the recession!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

"Taxachusettes"? Ugh groan; someone shoot me.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I am worried about your blood pressure… you need to pace yourself. Many, Many more lies will be told in the course of this evening. You know it's coming… like Clayton Williams said in 1990, "you might as well enjoy it."

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Yeah; this is just really pissing me off. It's not healthy, I know.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:33 pm

There's nothing the audience of a GOP convention can relate to like a golf joke.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Jeez, not sure I have to ask, something about Obama wanting a Mulligan, or hitting only divots or just playing too much golf…

Biff August 28, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Jesus, Kasich…

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:35 pm

They're still pushing the lie about what Obama said? What morons. Oh and guess what; of course you didn't build it yourself, the government fucking did help, asshole.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm

If they want government out of the way, let's start with the laws of incorporation, then eliminate trademark, patent and copyright protections.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

The history of the state of Oklahoma provides a great example of pursuing the American dream… and shooting it and giving it polio!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

How much makeup is Mary Failing wearing? She looks worse than Mimi from The Drew Carey show.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Look up The Homestead Act, idiot; yes the Oklahomans were in fact using the federal government's money, to get that land.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

We built this, and then we lost the manual, so we traded it in for a toaster made in Thailand.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Woo Hoo! Win!

Blueb4sinrise August 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm
C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

That's …that's Perfect!

There's more than a few of them that look just like John McCain!

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

No shit!

And you can interpret *that* any old way you like.

viennawoods13 August 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Yes, because most of them are white.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

We'll end America's dependence on foreign oil… by invading Mexico and Venezuela!

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Gov. Fallin of OK…. is talking about Harold going to some College where he got knowledge from some teachers, but he built it himself.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

And I'm betting there weren't a whole lot of private colleges in Oklahoma at the time.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Something-somethingland grant university herp…

Tribbz August 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Needs moar "We Built This City."

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Needs moar asbestos.

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Where did Harold Hamm attend those college classes? Might it have been one of Oklahoma's excellent, nationally-renowned public universities?

Yep, it was OU. But that had nothing to do with the government!

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm

"Leader of the free world?" Did you forget Reagan won the Cold War?

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I'll bet that special guest on Thursday is going to be zombie Ronald Reagan!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Now they're running Obama's great speech – did they forget who they're trying to elect?

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Transvaginal bob is on the TV.
Heh.
TV=Transvaginal And Television.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I would love to pay attention to a bunch of republicans tonight, but my dog has an anal cyst, so pretty much the same thing except hers is less dangerous for the country as a whole.

PS – have a good time drinking the alcohol!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Tomorrow's headline will be

HURRICANE ISAAC MAKES LANDFALL IN S.E. LOUISIANA

All this will be below the fold. Where it belongs.

Terry August 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

The first article below the fold will be an article about how much more efficient FEMA and other Federal response has become in the last three or so years. Convention below that.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

It had better fucking be. Because it's true.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 3:04 am

Thirty hours to countdown.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

If we could just pollute everything, we'd all have jerbs!

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Has Maryland built a fence along the Potomac yet?

(On the right bank, on the low-tide line, because Virginia didn't build that.)

Terry August 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

The King of England gave the whole frickin river to Maryland several centuries ago. The fence will be at the low tide line on the VA side of the river. NoVa is welcome to petition to become part of Maryland.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Is every single one of these speakers going to say basically the exact same thing?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:52 pm

They did build that impression.

Terry August 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Got to stick to the script or Rove and the Koch bros won't give you any more money.

fartknocker August 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Did the RNC forget to invite any blacks or hispanics? Geez that's a bunch of white folks.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Ted Cruz just spoke. Oh wait, he's Cuban. And maybe now they'll finally turn the original pix over to Artur Davis and finally let him off the hook.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Hey, how's the teen pregnancy rate in states that follow the GOP platform's plank on abstinence-only sex ed?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Apalling.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

You're talking about Republican governors and unemployment, with Chris Christie coming up? HAHAHA, he's taken them to the fourth worse unemployment rate in the country.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Oh dear — it's Bob McAsshole, saying that Republican governors get out of the way of people doing business. Except for getting in the way of your uterus.

Oh, and Virginia's job growth? Federal contracts, federal money, the DC suburbs.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Don't forget health care jobs…. someone has to "man" those vaginal probes…..

Terry August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

They grow and sell cancer causing weed throughout most of the rest of the State. Poultry here and there, as well.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I intend to vote for the party that was responsible for the last balanced federal budget, yes.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

TALK, TALK, IT'S ALLLL TALK!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Denial — drama — dyspepsia.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

These are "R's" saying words with a "D" this time!

DerrickWildcat August 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

This is a dangerous place.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I will upfist anyone forever who posts King Crimson. Fripp is one of my guitar heros.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm
MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 3:21 am

You ought to know better than to give me such fun and exciting gifts so late at night. I'm totes in lerve. Didn't Adrian Belew play with Frank on at least one album? Live on maybe?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 29, 2012 at 6:54 am

Baby Snakes. Toured, also and he's played with Dweezil too.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Thanks, Bob McDonnell — for telling us to imagine how a Romney presidency would work with Bob Kasich and Scott Walker and Jan Brewer and — well — as much as fear shouldn't be a motivating factor, that's something to be afraid of.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Wow, that was mediocre!

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

It was good, honest Republican cloth-coat mediocrity.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Primary colors are popular tonight.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Ah, so Bev Gray borrowed against her home, thereby taking advantage of the government's tax deduction.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:57 pm

This Bey lady looks almost exactly like Mary Failing; was there a discount on boring middle-aged white blonde ladies who speak in talking points?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Hey it's an actual fascist coming out now!

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm

If you drank every time "built it", "build that", or "build it" has been uttered thus far, you'd have had alcohol poisoning an hour ago.

BlueStateLibel August 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Every time I see that photo of John McCain, I feel as if I've been legitimately raped.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Scott Walker? I didn't realize there was a secret bank tunnel into the Tampa auditorium.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Uh, Walker, the days of record job losses started AFTER you took over; look at the fucking statistics.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm

No. Scott; it was a choice between the hard-working taxpayers and the bloated corporate tax-evading plutocrats. And the hard-working taxpayers that you hate lost.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm

If it's good for Sandy, goddamn it, it's good for us all.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I can't watch. Did I miss anything?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Yes; you missed one thing, said over and over and over again.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:02 pm

That's nice that lazy-ass employers think Wisconsin is headed in the right direction; what do the employees, the actual hard-working people, think?

BarackMyWorld August 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN private sector WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN jobs WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN government WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN WISCONSIN…jobs.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Mitt Romney has passion? I didn't think there was a firmware upgrade for that.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Romney is the antithesis of shareware.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 3:26 am

His wares are, apparently, far from firm. Or so Ann would have us believe.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Fuck you, walker–how many hundreds of millions did the USOC take from the feds to put on the SLC Olympics?

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Yes, there are people who think more about the future of their children and their grandchildren than their own political careers – they are called liberals.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm

That back-up band, he didn't build that!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Of course they have a country singer, wearing a cowboy hat. No one wears a cowboy hat who is not a total douchebag shithead.

(Well actors in Western movies, but that's it).

Blueb4sinrise August 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm
Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Instead of leaving the house and talking to girls, I'm watching this.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

finallyhappy August 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I left the house and tried to chat with a cuttlefish. I waved at it and blinked- and in any circumstance, a cuttlefish is way more interesting than the GOP convention- even if it didn't change color and texture. there is no color or texture at that convention from what I see written here.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I've always liked you, and now I know why. Anybody who tries to chat with cuttlefish just *has* to be OK, don't they, CRE? CRE? (looks around)

Anybody seen CRE? He was behind me a minute ago.

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

This is historic, if my hunch is correct, there may not BE a GOP, as we know it, in 2016, so this may be the last Republican Convention as such. We're seeing them in their late decadence.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

You know? You could be right.

Still can't bring myself to watch them being assholes, though.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Oh goody, that guy in Montana who dressed up like Bigfoot and got run over on the highway is speaking next.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Wait wait wait… the GOP now has a problem with the divine right of kings? It has the word "divine" right in it!

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Uh-oh, he's praising immigrants, and he's brown; the crowd is getting restless.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

So his mom was a teacher, he went to law school, became a state legislator, then a judge, then governor – has the government never done anything for him too?

And yep, he also says big government is somehow bad.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

That private sector is working out really well for him

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

The local news here in Minneapolis was reporting how the Minnesota conventioneers were placed in the nose bleed section behind some poles because a bunch of them are Paultards.

Terry August 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

They're probably right about why they got those seats.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:51 am

They put the Swedes behind the Poles? That's cold.

DerrickWildcat August 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Sorry, but there can only be one Master Chef…a year.

belmontreport August 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I can't wait. Did you know that Ann Romney had MS AND breast cancer? I bet she'll avoid talking about that, because it would be weird to use your medical history to try to get your husband elected as president with the promise that he'd take health care away from poor people.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

But if they work hard, they could have health care too, maybe, of some kind. If nothing else, the EPA wouldn't be able to restrict nuclear plants, where the poors could get free radiation when they visit. You want to take away their incentive?

spareme August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Naw, she's gonna talk about her miscarriage, so America can relate better than Mitt. I wonder if she is gonna mention that some personhood agendas will call operations on etoptic pregnancies abortion. I guess you throw Momma out with the baby it they ever figure out a way to pass one of those awful laws.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Aren't all of the Republican Governors so purty? Oh wait. Except Brewer. And Kasich. And Christie. Shit.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

And the crowd is uncharacteristically quiet for the Latino governor of Nevada, even though he's saying basically the same thing as everyone else. Strange.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Brian's not a very Mexican name, though, is it?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

No, and he's always careful to point out that his kids "don't look Mexican."

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

This guy made road signs? Built his business on selling road signs to the government? He was a government contractor?

He didn't build that.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I'm an undocumented Mexican, so I am a bump in the road!

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

SANTORUM TIIIIIIIIIIIIME~~~~

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

It's Moral Orel!

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

No, Moral Orel is far, far too cool to be sullied like this.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Like I said before I'm not watching …. yet.

So I must ask….

How white is the crowd?

gullywompr August 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

You must ask? Seriously?

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

As white as any typical country club anywhere in the country.

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Bob Seger concert-level white.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

HAHAHAHA! OMG am I bad for laughing so much at that?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I have sunglasses on and I'm not even watching this.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

It's like, how much more white could this be? and the answer is none. None more white.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

they burned out my retina display

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

You could white balance your digital camera.

An_Outhouse August 28, 2012 at 9:51 pm

with science? wtf u talkin' about,willis?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm
bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:55 am

XoFFFFFF

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Frothy! Frothy mix!

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

….my oldest son John wanted to be here tonight, but he's actually a fetus in a jar.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

"Thank you, Pennsylvania" – for kicking my ass out by an 18% margin?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

And now, Man on Dog speaks for Dog on Car.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

You should be narrating live, from the MSNBC booth.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Mind the Santorum…

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Gross. I was just flipping through channels and saw santorum on TV. I am constantly amazed by the disgusting things they put on TV.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

It's not even after 10 in the East. I'm calling the FCC.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I saw it on public TV while I was TRYING to eat dinner. I see a sternly worded letter in my future.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Augh. Those dinner Santorum sightings are the worst. Thank FSM for remote controls.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Yes, but he's not *running* any more.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm

A guy who is basically unelectable and makes half the country nauseous is one of the GOP's big stars. It would be sad if it wasn't so hilarious.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Well, at least his name isn't another word for that disgusting frothy mix of … oh, wait, you *weren't* talking about Christie?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

If only we could kick all those lazy shits off welfare, we'd be prosperous.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Oh God, the "married with a high-school degree" spiel again.

He's saving the environment by recycling speeches.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I always call my GED a "degree", too.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Causal relationships are a complete mystery to this man.

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Statistics. How riveting.

IceCreamEmpress August 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

It's a Festival of Cognitive Dissonance. I hope there's fried dough.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

"Nationalized curriculum?" No Child Left Behind?

belmontreport August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Wow, so he just attacked gay people and blegh people in the same bit. CONGRATS Santorum for continuing your streak as the WORST Republican of all time. Nixon appreciates it.

spareme August 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Why are they putting this loser up to speak? Didn't he like – lose? I think he had a chemical peel on his shiny face, too.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

aaaaaaand there's the welfare lie!

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

That blue screen reminds me of an amoeba I once studied.

gullywompr August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Fucking liar.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Well, liar, sure. Fucking, I don't know about. After all, they're religiously observant Catholics, and his wife hasn't gotten preggers ONCE since the jarbaby.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

He's really interested in hands.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm
bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:56 am

Or anything you want to.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

This is some hand job he's giving the RNC

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

One Organism, One Vote!

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I held hands with a hand..

Biff August 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm
C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm
MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

I hold your hand in mine, dear
I press it to my lips
I take a little bite of
Your dainty fingertips

— Tom Lehrer

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

In an effort by the GOP to increase Nielsen numbers, there will now be a fifteen minute pause in the proceedings while some guy in Dubuque makes a call on the big white telephone.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

"the little broken hands of the disabled."

I MAY NEVER STOP VOMITING

gullywompr August 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

fuck that self-satisfied smirk of his

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Did he say that?

See this is why I can't watch these things. I'm not insane enough yet.

smokefilledroommate August 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

The hands came to see him? Is he hallucinating?

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

And at night, he is haunted by the faces of those he's wronged.

gullywompr August 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Enough with the creeping groping…

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm

"Death panel" in 5… 4…

belmontreport August 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Serious question: Do Republicans TRY to have children with Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 so that they can talk about them in every speech?

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Willful ignorance of medical advice is part and parcel of their broader willful ignorance of science in general.

Biff August 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

$arah DID say they needed more like him…

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Unlike most science-based lifeforms, Republicans assume that an invisible sky fairy is responsible for anything that pops out of a woman's vagina, and therefore it is not important to consider any science, evidence, or consequences.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

"Each of us has dignity… except the queers!"

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Put your head back in the clouds and SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
Santorum.

iTuna August 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Fuck you, Ted Cruz.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Every time someone treats the Constitution as scripture, Baby Madison cries.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I read that as Billy Madison. So, yeah, same deal, kinda.

TribecaMike August 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I just can't watch this crap, so I'm relying on you all's comments to stay informed. Besides, if I wanted to lapse into a coma I'd watch the Twins-Mariners game.

Doktor Zoom August 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

(Hey kids, new thread is running….)

LibertyLover August 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I thought Republicans were against choice.

ttommyunger August 28, 2012 at 11:28 pm

You would have to rig me up like Clockwork Orange to get me to watch that shit. Enjoy the party, kids, be safe.

shebeers August 29, 2012 at 2:05 am

Really RNC, not one mention about our men and women serving in the military? Just thought you may want to thank the troops and families like the Obama's and Biden's do. Guess it just slipped your mind? Well F**k YOU!

Navy Mom

natoslug August 29, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Of course not — the troops are just a collective of government workers, socialists working for the common protection of our nation. Now military contractors, there's a fine group of corporate individuals that deserve a big RNC shout out.

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Me either. I'm already popping an artery from reading the shit coming from the GOP. Some weirdo named Ian Dury keeps telling me there are reasons to be cheerful. Three of them, even.

finallyhappy August 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I had my one on one with the cuttlefish tonight..

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm

You should listen to him. He hasn't steered me wrong yet.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Moat Excellent! Now that's a productive use of your time! Was it fun?

MittBorg August 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I did. He just kept getting better.

bobbert August 29, 2012 at 12:41 am

(Hint) Republican intellectual.

Adjectives can be powerful modifiers.

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 4:13 pm

*Wut* we're teaching, I'd better not say.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Hey – don't be dissing the dogs!

MittBorg August 29, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Dang, can't get away with ENNYthing around here. Hey, sweetie! Are you enjoying the Repig meltdown? They're just out there now, aren't they? Throwing peanuts at Teh Culludz. Next they'll be making us do a buck-and-wing with their six-shooters.

Geminisunmars August 29, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Can't bring myself to watch any of it, but interesting to hear about. I listened to short clip of Ann's speech just to get the flavor. What was Christy's like? I'm hoping that the Paultards will stay home from voting after being treated so shabbily. And what is a buck-and-wing?

MittBorg August 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I didn't watch or listen, except for brief clips on the InterToobz. I usually start throwing things at the vid display, so partner removes anything hard, pointy, or heavy beforehand. He's gonna start locking me in at this rate. I got up this morning and fucking SCREAMED when I saw that Michele Bachmann was telling Teh Stoopidz to vote for Romney because Obama is too wealthy and out of touch.

A buck -and-wing is the dance you do when they're shooting at your feet and screaming, "Dance, nigger!" Nah, just kidding. It's a type of tap dance.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

It is almost like they have to utter all this crap as filler, because they can't overtly keep saying : “'cause he is black, 'cause he is black, 'cause he is black.”

MittBorg August 30, 2012 at 4:33 pm

It's getting to where I'm worrying about maybe doing something bad if this keeps up. Or maybe that's part of the PLAN. They WANT me to kill myself. Just kidding sorta. It's awfully trying, though.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Well, wait at least until after the election. (you nose I is just bean ironik, right?)

MittBorg August 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I know. It'll be OK. I just need to keep my Eyes on the Prize. My President is getting FOUR MORE YEARS if I have to flush every Republican in this nation down the shitter where they belong. With VOTES.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: