Sneak down in disguise or something, you wimpWhat has the mean old federal government done to rising indie filmmaker James O’Keefe now? They won’t even let him go to Tampa for a speaking gig. Today he was scheduled to speak and take questions at a luncheon hosted by the James Madison Institute, some winger think tank or another. Now he’s doing that by Skype, because there’s a little thing called “probation” on his record from that time he and his idiot friends tried to break into the telephone system of a federal building in Louisiana, to record a Senator. Why are government laws suppressing James O’Keefe like this?

Here’s the peculiar, self-victimizing update from the James Madison Institute’s website:

JMI Tampa Luncheon Update: Due to unforeseen circumstances, the guest speaker for our luncheon, James O’Keefe, will not be able to personally attend JMI’s event tomorrow. However, he will participate via Skype with both remarks and a robust Q & A session. Come hear why the federal government has revoked permission for him to travel to Tampa.

Despite the government’s restrictions, not all is lost for this citizen journalist in the age of new media. Even by Skype, if you have yet to see one of Mr. O’Keefe’s presentations, we believe you will find it thought-provoking and entertaining.

Ooh, we can guess why: Because he’s on fucking probation.

[Politico, JMI]

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    It's not his fault he keeps breaking the law! Bitch set him up! Gave him roofies! Illegitimately raped his freedums!

    I bet, mysteriously, his ISP drops his Skype connection.

    • horsedreamer_1

      He's Rob Halford?

  • bumfug

    Maybe he should seek refuge in the Ecuadoran embassy…

    • Terry

      Oh, please! Make O'Keefe and Assange roomies. Get MTV to film it as a season of the Real World.

  • timbo71351

    This never would have happened if Andrew Breitbart was still alive.

  • sullivanst

    "Unforeseen circumstances" like a sentence handed down what, three years ago?

    Slow to catch on, these guys, aren't they?

    • I'm thinking they planned on sneaking him into town in Chris Christie's ass, but got outted by the burrito he downed before his flight.

      • sewollef

        Chris Christie can fly?

        I'm sorry Actor, I simply don't believe it. That fat galump would have serious trouble jogging down the runway at Newark Liberty.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The state has a C-5M on order, so airlifting should be possible pretty soon.

    • Not_So_Much

      Exactly my first thought. How the fuck is this 'unforeseen'?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Conservatives are often surprised to find out that they have to obey laws that they thought were written with "other" people in mind.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Amendment 28 — IOKIYAR.

  • Estproph

    Poor little pimp kid…

  • docteur_giraud

    Who will captain the "S.S. Rapey"??

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      Is that a legitimate question?

  • ChernobylSoup

    All the dildo boats have gone out to sea to avoid the hurricane anyway.

  • Madfall

    Shouldn't he be glad they're being tough on crime?

    • Serolf_Divad

      You forget: it's not really a crime if a white person does it.

      • kittensdontlie

        Except for the pimp costume, whcih is not only a crime but a cry for help.

      • Madfall

        Oh of course. My mistake.

  • fatbob54

    "Due to unforeseen circumstances, the guest speaker for our luncheon, James O’Keefe, will not be able to personally attend JMI’s event tomorrow."

    These circumstances could only be unforeseen if you didn't know that little Jimmy was on probation, which means that your only source of news is FOX. So, that actually makes sense.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Hope he realizes that the gubbermint uses Skype to spy on its citizens.

    • SnarkOff

      Not if you cover the screen with tinfoil.

    • sewollef

      It does? CRAP!

      I've been using it for my pornogram messages to the missus. Jeez, I'm screwed now.

  • KathrynSane

    Oh Christ, not this snot-nosed little prick again. I wish he would lock himself in his USS Date Rape yacht and sink it.

  • Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

    • And keep your eye on the sparrow when the going gets narrow!

  • MacRaith

    Isn't it terrible the way the government butts into the personal affairs of law-breaking citizens?

    • Serolf_Divad

      When the government criminalizes the warrantless wiretapping of government officials, only criminals will warrantlessly wiretap government officials.

      • sewollef

        Wait, but aren't the guv'mint the criminals? So that means the gov'mint will be spying on itself. Have I got that right?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I am very tempted to Shop that photo of O'Keefe and put a big, pink dildo in his….hand.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Don't waste your time. I'm sure with a little googling you can find one like that that wasn't Photoshopped.

    • CindynEncinitas

      Blingee!! Oh please oh please…

  • Callyson

    Clendinen said O’Keefe was not granted permission by the government to travel to Tampa.
    “He is currently on probation from some of his Louisiana investigation activities, and his travel permission was revoked,” she said.

    "Revoked?" Wouldn't the government have had to grant permission in the first place to revoke permission, which this lackey said he was not granted? If so, in what way is this an "unforeseen circumstance"?

    And why am I trying to make sense out of any of this?

    • bikerlaureate

      Did she really say "investigation activities"?

      Along the lines of Ollie North obeying the spirit rather than the letter of the law, back in the 20th C… ??

      • It could be dry wit.

        • bikerlaureate

          Fook, I'm in a right-to-work state, they don't permit that wit stuff in here.

      • Callyson

        Ah, so the unforeseen circumstance was that the punishment would be enforced for once. No wonder the wingnuts are so shocked…

      • FlyingToaster

        I suspect that OWS visit got his "probation officer" (who he never bothered to call) in trouble. So he might be stuck in the 'rents' basement for the rest of his term.


      • bikerlaureate

        You do that with the wrong dogs and they'll hang themselves on bumpers or bench legs or lampposts or mooring posts or traffic signposts.
        Just sayin'.

    • And why am I trying to make sense out of any of this?

      It is a human instinct that O'Keefe would know nothing of.

      • bikerlaureate

        ((golf clap))

        Curiosity also has a liberal bias.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Li'l Jimmy probably sent them a poorly edited video of the judge sentencing him that made it look like he was getting the National Medal of Freedom and so would certainly be able to attend thank you very much.

      Whattya want to bet that Grifter Jim there already got paid on this appearance?

  • Typodong3

    So there was a reverse burn notice put out on him? He cant ENTER Tampa? Where is his hot girlfriend and funny, ex-military sidekick?

    • One_who_wanders

      I believe both of those exist solely in his dreams.

      • Kid_Charlemagne

        Or, in courthouse filings.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Lila Rose Libel!!!

  • Blunderthing

    Probation laws are for little people and poors, not media fucking flag-got waving whores.

  • rickmaci

    Really? The best they could do for their don't think tank speaker was NotsoBreitbart wannabe, Creepy O'Creep?

  • joshleefolsom

    He looks all cool and hip definitely … except for that inhaler in his left hand.

  • Terry

    "Due to unforeseen circumstances, the guest speaker for our luncheon, James O’Keefe, will not be able to personally attend JMI’s event tomorrow."

    Travel restrictions associated with probation resulting from criminal activity are not "unforeseen".

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They are if you're a Republican.

  • Misty Malarky

    Ever notice his flower paintings look like ladies' vaginae?

  • chicken_thief

    I blame Obama for this.

  • Wadisay

    Maybe Tampa just got a restraining order.

  • coolhandnuke

    Can't another GOP criminal like Duke Cunningham, Tom Delay or 3,732 other options pinch-hit for O'Keefe.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Um, JMI and James O'Keefe?

    That whole "political prisoner" thing? Yer doin' it RONG.


    • "You are, Number Sick"

    • T3rbo

      Oh god, I didn't even make the connection. He's a political prisoner…hahahaha People that get caught committing felonies are just regular prisoners.

  • bikerlaureate

    The James Madison Institute doesn't seem to know when the government's doing them a favor.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Zombie James Madison is really pissed at these fuckers. Just sayin', in case any of 'em end up mauled in an alley somewhere.

  • Hey, all he did was try to wiretap a federal building and specifically a sitting senator's office, what's the big deal? It was for a good cause.

    • HogeyeGrex

      The little shitbag should be rotting in a fucking cell for decades, but nooOOOOOoooo, IOKIYAR.

    • Ruhe

      And that is the dictionary example of "American Exceptionalism". It's not that we are in any way exceptional at anything, it's that when it comes to rules our good intentions make us exceptions to those rules.

  • Not_So_Much

    "citizen journalist"? I guess I was calloused to 'socialism' and the like. But words truly have no actual meaning anymore, do they?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I your point get yes.

    • SnarkOff

      As a citizen and a journalist, I can tell you no. No, they don't.

  • IncenseDebate

    The real James Madison would have kicked O'Queefe in teh ballz.

    • Arborista

      He's need a magnifying glass to find 'em first.

  • T3rbo

    I read today about the guy in the bigfoot suit who got hit by a car and died, and I thought, hey, I wonder if that was O'Keefe. No such luck….

    • Trying to expose the Islamofascistcryptozoological conspiracy.

  • It's hard at home for a pimp.

  • Yet, he probably won't get purged in the Teabagger purges of registered voters due to his non-ethnic sounding (but not 40 years ago) name.

  • Poindexter718

    Dear old Roman Polanski is being similarly persecuted by the government's jackbooted thugs.

  • mrpuma2u

    I wonder if he dresses like a pimp lounging around in his parental units' abode in NJ.

    • More likely in a once-white T-shirt and a pair of raggedy old boxer shorts and grey socks, randomly shouting "I'm JAMES O'KEEFE, dammit!" at his mom.

  • RedneckMuslin

    The Oogielove's are attacking! Leave me alone!

    • LibertyLover

      Oonly Oone mOre day until their Premiere!! Ooh BOoy!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Good Lord, the James Madison Institute? Well, as our 4th President said – "If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy." (or a dude with a dildo boat dressed as a pimp) These people don't seem to know what side they are on.

  • StealthMuslin

    Will he be Skyping from a halfway house for douchebags?

  • Why do they refer to him as "Mr. O’Keefe" when he's just a big babby?

  • Has Amnesty International been informed?

    • Ruhe

      Sting and Pete Townsend have already committed to playing the benefit concert.

    • MissTaken

      Madonna is ditching those Pussy Riot whiners to take up the cause.

  • Attending a luncheon with James O'Keefe via Skype is like being promoted to Assistant Crack Whore.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Was that like the lady that helped Rick James kidnap that other chick? I need a job. Too bad Rick is all kinds of dead.

      • I'm tired of y'all guilt-trippin' me because I had to use the stash!! There shoulda been enough cash left down there for you to get the rims unbent AND a set of tires! Pork Chop down at the scrap metal yard said he'd Bondo the bullet holes for next to nothin'! Look, I gotta go, there might be a tap on this line.

        • FakaktaSouth

          All I need to know is how to get out of this damned hole? I been digging for days, glock's full of mud and you wouldn't believe how bad the cell reception is in the sewer. I don't know if you can find prom, but next time you hear from that guy tell him I said "behind the dumpster." He'll know what you mean.

    • T3rbo

      Yeah really, who in the hell would attend something like this? As if this guy has done some deep research and is presenting his findings. Today, Professor O'Keefe will be discussing his latest book:
      "Obama is an Anti Colonial Muslin who Wants to Promote Stalinist Wind Technology: Where is the Birth Certificate"
      I wonder if the people who will be watching the skype conference pay by the cliche?

    • IncenseDebate

      Assistant Crack Whore libel!!

  • chicken_thief

    Fucking Lou Sarah has to be having a major hissy fit over this – O'Queef by Skype and her not. at. all.

    Unless…. unless!…. maybe they're having a Mystery Guest!!!!

    • IncenseDebate

      Lou Sarah-fer will take the podium and produce an O'Queefe to beat the band. The band will play on and on a martial tune and the entire convention will march into the Gulf of Mexico where they will be swallowed by the giant whale Chris Christie. Children smile. Doggies wag their tails. Satan goes back to hell. America survives. THE END

      • chicken_thief

        Will Charlie Crist come out of the closet, devour Rick Scott and take back the helm of the great state of Floor-ee-da again then? Also. Too.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They are indeed having a Mystery Guest, who's getting some prime podium time, right before Rubio and the Mittster. Speculation is rife, with some
      hilariously lame options being seen as somehow palatable. Clint Eastwood, anybody? How about Tim Tebow? The list of speakers who would excite the teatards, and simultaneously impress moderate undecided voters, is awfully short … in fact, it's empty.

  • MissTaken

    If a dildo boat sinks in Tampa Bay and no pimp is around to film and heavily edit it, does it make a sound?

  • Antispandex

    Well….I heard Todd Akin is available to speak. Hey, wait a minute, the Republicans are promising sort of a surprise speaker thing at the convention…dare we hope?

  • no_gravity

    Damn, I was so looking forward to meeting him.

  • Arborista

    Puttin' the 'probe' into 'probation', huh?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And the 'bation, too.

  • punkneverdies

    Silly Wonkette, probation doesn't happen to white people.

  • Living in Joy

    I bet the little f*cker thought that he could just skip out because he is that IMPORTANT to the conservative movement. I can imagine the scene now. Something like the basement of the Wayne's World set, but without the cool band and guests. I bet his mom makes an appearance doing his tightie whities. Here's hoping he wears that pimp outfit again. He totally rocks it!

  • Generation[redacted]

    Too bad nobody was able to help Donald Trump set up skype on his computer.

  • mavenmaven

    The "James Madison Institute" should have learned from O'Keefe- they could have just hired any skinny loser, put him in a bad drag outfit, say he was O'Keefe, have fake O'Keefe speak about fake voting scandals, and collect the admission fee; which old fat teabagger at the Tampa meeting would know the difference?

  • Probation is for criminals, not patriots!!!

  • LibertyLover

    Will he show his ankle monitor on the Skype? I'm sure those 60 people would pay to see that.

  • BZ1

    They don't want to have James "spawn of the devil" O'Keefe speak, pray tell why not?

  • dmnolan

    "Film-maker," but in the bathtub-ring sense.

  • The party of law and order.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is just like when Charles Manson asked to visit Disneyworld and the government said no.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Future Republican conventions will be held online, as the participants will all be jailed for violating the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

  • Harlem55

    Somewhere in Tampa, a hooker is wiping away a tear.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Come the next Republican convention, if the party exists after the natural disaster of the current leadership of the party, O'Keefe may be unable to attend due to that unforeseen circumstance of "jail" if he keeps being the irresponsible douche that he is.

  • I am a peace loving man, I have gone 66 years without picking a fight with anyone but dear God, I would love to punch that mutherfucker in the mouth.

  • not that Dewey

    Every time I see that picture of Jimmy, my mind sees him holding a squeegee, and not a pimp cane.

  • glamourdammerung

    Well, I would assume that is what happens when one tries to push the envelope with their probation multiple times.

  • So, let me get this straight: Some black kid caught selling pot on the street corner should go to jail forever without parole, but some rich kid gets caught breaking into a government building to wiretap a federal official, and probation is too much. Good to see that the Republicans are still the party of law and order.

  • horsedreamer_1

    James O'Keefe, reprobate?

    Pshaw. He's just un hombre… secreto.

  • ttommyunger

    Hee, hee. You just know his P. O. is a Blah…..That's got to hurt.

  • DahBoner

    What's that in his left hand?

    His Pimp asthma inhaler???

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