deficits don't matter

Oh Look Who Wants the Government’s Help Now (Hint: It Is Bobby Jindal)

bobby jindal, man of principleWhy HELLO Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-Hypocrisy), how is it going down there with that big storm barreling through your state and all? Battening down the hatches and whatnot? Letting the American People provide for themselves without suckling from the government’s teat, because of Liberty and all that? No, of course not! Bobby Jindal is UPSET seeing as how the government has not given him enough help, and by help, he means that the government is not spending enough money. No, not the “bad” kind of money that comes from when the federal government spends money to make health care affordable or educate children; this is the “good” kind of spending money that helps protect property and lives (unless the lives are in peril from lack of access to health care, in which case, see what we said about “bad” money above).

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal (R) on Monday sent a letter to President Obama saying the federal government was not doing enough to help Louisiana cover the expenses it’s taking on in preparation for Tropical Storm Isaac.

“Unfortunately, your limited declaration does not provide for reimbursement of expenses that the state is taking to prepare for the storm,” Jindal said in his letter.

…The action by Obama makes federal funding to the state available immediately, but Jindal said it “only provides for direct federal assistance” and doesn’t “provide for reimbursement of expenses that the state is taking to prepare for the storm … A core responsibility of the federal government is to protect the lives and property of its citizens when threatened,” Jindal concludes in the letter. “This disaster declaration will help ensure that we best protect life and property in our state.”

Life and property — so VERY important, and so worthy of government spending, unless that property is threatened from a volcano.

[The Hill]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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207 comments

  1. bumfug

    Hey, moron – ya think the Republicans cutting the shit out of disaster relief had anything at all to do with that? Fuck you, tell it to your buddy Eric Cantor.

    1. Goonemeritus

      “This is no time to play the blame game!!!” let’s just admit that it's Obama’s fault and move forward.

    2. Boredw/Gravitas

      They should have to pay for that federal assistance in like form — say, cut the pay of every republican in the House.

  2. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I'm wondering about that "property" he's so worried about … I don't think the Ninth Ward is what he has his mind.

  3. Arborista

    The Repugs are torn between wanting to be popular and also wanting to look principled. The principled (let'em drown) approach was not popular during Katrina for some reason.

    1. supernoun

      I can't imagine why it was unpopular. You'd think everyone would be grateful for such a wonderful opportunity to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and rebuild and such

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Maybe because it's really hard to float yourself by your bootstraps, no matter how hard you pull on them.

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            I think you are on to something here. I would test that theory if I didn't already drink.

      1. FlownOver

        Grant me the strength to do the skullfucking, the serenity to have the buttsecks, and the wisdom to know the difference.

        Especially the wisdom part.

    1. Chichikovovich

      At this point all of us stick our heads out of the small hole in the cell doors and ask "How do I look?"
      You should say "You look great."

      In a few months you will ask the same question, and some new person will be kind enough to give you the same answer.

    2. MacRaith

      Just be wary of spending too much time in Wonkville. It's a sure sign that you're in over your head.

    3. Boredw/Gravitas

      Just remember to routinely use a few key phrases: Trucknutz, lightly salt bag of dicks, and "you know who ELSE…." and you'll always be at home.

  4. Jus_Wonderin

    I get to use this again "Heck of a job, brownie". I know that was really rude, but at least I didn't call BobbyJ a terrorist.

    1. SavageDrummer

      At least we know who to send down to lead the disaster relief squad. I do hope Brownie fills out his superhero costume well…

  5. coolhandnuke

    "A core responsibility of the federal government is to protect the lives and property of its citizens when threatened,"
    I guess that explains why you want to dismantle Obamacare.

    1. supernoun

      Well see Obamacare is a threat to the lives and property of the Insurance Corporations, but-but-but y'see this hurricane is threatening the Oil Corporations so it's like a conflict of interest or one-of-them-there-pickles or some such

    2. Chichikovovich

      Really? 'Cause I thought all the Tea Partiers like you said it was a state thing. Please point to the precise point in the Constitution where it says Obama should protect Louisiana from flood damage.

      1. coolhandnuke

        I believe he was referring to his Constitution–the Bible…something about 40 days and nights of rain.

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Must be a 14th Amendment thing — citizens should get equal protection under the law, so the poorz with their houses under water are entitled to just as much protection as the banksters, oilmen, and mega-farm owners. (I know, "Har, har, har!!!", says the GOP, but that is the theory.)

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Karl Rove is sitting on a pile of cash earmarked for social welfare. I'm sure that could be put to good use, proving that private funds are more effective than government tax dollars.

  6. Callyson

    “The State’s expenditures for emergency protective measures are already approximately $8,000,000 and exceed the State of Louisiana’s threshold when making a request for a major disaster declaration,” the letter continued.

    Hmm, what could Louisiana do to fund their state's first responders? IDK, maybe a windfall profits tax on the oil companies that operate in the Gulf?

    1. sewollef

      “Unfortunately, your limited declaration does not provide for reimbursement of expenses that the state is taking to prepare for the storm,”

      Acts of nature don't come cheap. But this sounds like bullshit posturing to me…. 'cos otherwise it makes little sense.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Dude, times are tough. We've got a deficit to bring down. A whole [government constructed] convention centre full of people in Tampa are saying that right now. You should go tell them to pipe down.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Excellent idea … 'cause that's going to be vastly more damaging than Katrina in the long run.

  7. Callyson

    Also, thank you for reminding me of the 583,976th reason to re – elect Obama. I am sick of Democrats having to fix FEMA after the Reeps fuck it up. Clinton had to do so, Obama had to do so–let's not fuck it up a third time, shall we?

  8. freakishlywrong

    Being Jindal, "lives and properties" are fundies, fundie schools and fundie churches. Nope, not on my dime, bitch.

  9. supernoun

    Funny how one little measly hurricane can send an otherwise Outstanding Young Conservative running back to the Titty of Big Gubmint!!!

  10. noodlesalad

    I'm sure the Free Market will provide assistance. Just pick your favorite borrowing rate and go with that, ya fuck.

  11. ChernobylSoup

    Hurricane forces > Market forces.

    President > governor.

    It's math and science, bitch. Sorry they don't teach it down there.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      If market forces don’t work then take the Libertarian (the other Republicans) view…

      This is what you get for having your state in hurricane alley. It is your entire fault Bobby.

  12. sewollef

    I'm thinking Bobby Jingles is pissed that Mr Romney didn't pick him to play with on the campaign trail, and instead picked Paul Ryan Seacrest.

    That's just my theory.

  13. Antispandex

    If only there were some way to help the people who will be hurt by this, and let the Jindals and his corporate cronies suffer from their arrogance. It seems, however, in spite of J.F.K's pronouncment to the contrary, a rising tide only drowns the poor.

    1. Boojum

      A rising tide lifts all boats. There aren't enough boats to go around as long as some $100,000,000 yachts are carrying three people.

  14. elviouslyqueer

    Dear Piyush:

    All Barack's money are belong to us.

    Fuck you repeatedly and retroactively, also, too, you venal, corrupt motherfucker.

    No love,

    New Orleans

  15. Monsieur_Grumpe

    He could at least wait for the storm to hit before he starts crying.
    Get a pair Jindal.

  16. edgydrifter

    Republicans: Always "me" when there's food on the table; always "we" when the waiter brings the bill.

    1. Terry

      See, old Bobby has this problem. His State has lots and lots of people who are poor. Third world poor. They really don't have any money to pay in taxes. Then there is a very modest sized middle class who work and pay lots of taxes. Then there are all the obscenely wealthy people who own Bobby. He certainly can't ask them to pay taxes. If he does, they may not contribute to his campaign and the PACs anymore. He's tried beating more money out of the poor and the middle class, but they keep saying something about blood and turnips. He certainly can't tax the rich folks, so he's stuck.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sounds like maybe Loisiana's "Jerb Creators" aren't really deserving of the title. Is that possible, Bobby?

  17. fartknocker

    Apparently he hasn't read Chapter 11 of one of those middle-school text books written by Bob Jones University on small government, Jesus, Urban Search and Rescue Teams and FEMA.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Seeing as he seems to be counting on lots of people walking on water, and a miraculous multiplication of the loaves and MREs, I think maybe that's exactly what he's been reading.

  18. subsum

    There's something very telling about the conservative mind: an utter, shameless and unabashed lack of principles and a single-minded focus on satisfying their greed. Here's how it goes: they hate government monies but they will take them if they're available; like Ayn Rand berating Medicare and then taking advantage of it because it was there for her taking.

    Liberals have principles and most of us stick to them; that's what makes us who we are. Conservatives have no such thing.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Has he produced the long form birf certificate? I bet it looks photoshopped to all those teablogger experts on the interwebs.

  19. freakishlywrong

    How DO they get away with it? He simultaneously dissed Barry while whining for more federal money. It's a gift. One that, had we a media, would keep on giving.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      How do they get away with it? Liberals just shrug and say "yeah, of course he's a double-talking jackass — whadja expect?", while the teatards' inherent capacity for doublethink lets them simply not notice. And with Fucks Gnus on the air, any media challenge is painted as "liberal bias."

  20. IceCreamEmpress

    The only moral Federal assistance is MY Federal assistance!

    Seriously, I think the Republican platform should just officially be FYGM/IOKIYAR at this point.

  21. SigDeFlyinMonky

    I put on my reliance and courage and defiance and risked my life for science, hey hey! Goat skin, awl, gut, pitch, branch, sheet. This is your reliance test Mr. Jindal. Hope you pass! Now get to work.

  22. LibertyLover

    At what age do Republicans learn to talk out of both sides of their mouth? Or is it a genetic trait?

  23. ph7

    A core responsibility of the federal government is to protect the lives and property of its citizens when threatened

    Wha-wha-wha-WHAT?!?!?!? For a minute there I thought you said the job of government is to protect its citizens when threatened.

  24. actor212

    Hm, you know, Bobby, just a thought here, let me run this up a flagpole and see if anyone salutes, but if you, I dunno, somehow raised state revenues through, say, a tax, you might be able to sock a few pennies away and thus cover your shortfall until the Feds rescue your Teabagging ass.

    I mean, you know, hurricanes….Louisiana. It's not like this is a fucking blizzard or anything unusual.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      E.T.'s ugly, anorexic brother. And I have a real thing for brown dudes, so it takes a fairly unfortunate mug for me to be repulsed.

  25. Generation[redacted]

    I remember seeing dozens of school buses on Fox News, just sitting there. Use those.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Just fix 'em with your state gov't money. — – Say what? Now how did that happen, Bobby?

  26. Poindexter718

    Time to exorcise Plan 666.
    Everybody all together: "Demonic tempest we rebuke you. Demonic tempest we rebuke you. Demonic tempest we rebuke you. …"

  27. Beowoof

    Dear Bobby,
    Rmoney, Ryan, Boner and Yertel have really clamped down on the budget, try these guys:

    LDS Philanthropies
    15 E. South Temple
    2nd Floor East
    Salt Lake City, UT 84150
    801-240-5567

    Charles Koch Foundation
    1515 N. Courthouse Rd.
    Suite 200
    Arlington, VA 22201
    Phone: 703-875-1770
    Fax: 703-875-1766
    Email: email@charleskochfoundation.org
    http://www.namb.net/disaster-relief-donations/ (Southern Baptist North American Missions Board).

    I would expect these fine supporters of you step right up.

  28. Terry

    Bobby, hon. The US taxpayers are footing the bill for rebuilding and improving the levees in New Orleans. All those new levees in places like Houma and Morganza? That tax money, local and upwards, too. All that money that's going into protecting and restoring the wetlands that are…or were…your State's natural barrier against storm surge? That's all tax money, too.

    How about this, Bobby? Instead of your bitching about Obama and the Feds not pouring more money into the State (while you speechify about getting the Feds off the backs of the States, of course), why don't you go to your pals in the energy industry. You know the ones. They've treated Louisiana like a goddamn third world colony for decades, destroying natural resources and shipping beaucoup bucks out of state while providing dangerous and short term jobs for some locals and a whole lot more out of state ne'er do wells and criminals. Why don't you get your energy pals to invest in fixing the bayous, marshland, and swamps they f'ed up? Why don't you get your energy pals to invest in the health care in the State and start healing the bodies that were broken on the rigs and pump jacks? The bodies that were broken and made cancerous by the poison the refineries send out stacks and drainage pipes? The poisons that leech out of all the damn open waste pits….that are legal because your pals in the energy and chemical industries bought politicians who declared oil field wastes as non-toxic by law regardless of what they are?

    Bobby, you go back hat in hand to those company guys and you ask them real nice to fix the natural buffers your State used to have that protected the cities and towns from storm surge until the actions of those companies ruined all that.

    OK?

        1. freakishlywrong

          Katrina flipped me from being a Democrat to being a person who truly hated so-called "conservatism" and fuck the compassionate kind.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      You'd think that doG would have busted you guys by now, what with all the librulz choosing the gay lifestyle and not going to church every day. He must be saving it up for a special occasion, and soaking the GOPtards just for practice.

  29. kittensdontlie

    Before the Great Emancipation, slaves were considered property and thus could have been afforded full and valid protection in Jindal's eyes from this tropical storm. Those were the good ol' days….

  30. rickmaci

    Hey Bobby. How is that "pray it away" thingy that you teach in your fundie home school science text books working out for you?

  31. Weenus299

    Grizzly Bears and Volcanoes, man. You ridiculed research on them, and now The Lord has put a curse upon you.

  32. JustPixelz

    According to Louisiana textbooks, Jindal should be building an ark and collecting animals in pairs (no gheys allowed).

  33. Terry

    The GOP email forwarding machine should send Bobby a copy of the one that says that North Dakota doesn't ask for Federal aid when they get a lot of snow…unlike some States when it rains.

  34. MacRaith

    Bobby, you know perfectly well that if the government gives you money you'll just become dependent. Besides, it's your own fault. Who puts an entire state in the middle of a swamp in hurricane country? You should have thought that through ahead of time.

  35. Kid_Charlemagne

    Personally, I wouldn't have too much confidence to begin with if I lived in a state where the Governor is named "Bobby."

  36. Misty Malarky

    Let me get this straight: the storm hasn't even hit and Bobby is already making with the bitch whining.

    Sweet fancy Moses!

    "A core responsibility of the federal government is to protect the lives and property of its citizens when threatened…”

    Unless lives and property are threatened by illness, medical and medication costs, poverty, prejudice, prideful ignorance, 'legitimate' rape, back-alley abortions, heavily armed gun nuts, gay bashers, polluted environments, fracked water supplies, carnivorous banks and money lenders, mega stores, war mongering draft dodgers, right wing radicals, etc.

    Then it's all hunky dory.

  37. Guppy

    provide for reimbursement of expenses that the state is taking to prepare for the storm

    Oh, go sell some state bonds. The federal deficit is très important when there's a blah Dem in the White House.

    Ruggedly individualize, bitch!

  38. HistoriCat

    That's not Jindal! I've seen the dramatic video of the exorcism he was involved with and the dude in that picture above looks nothing like Bobby Jindal.

  39. cromiller

    I can claim exemption for use of my tax dollars to help out here right? Its their own *personal, individual, and freedomed* choice to live by a hurricane. If this was a legitimate weather emergency, the state would just shut down and not be damaged. I think NOLA, all drunk like, has been asking for this.

  40. ShuCityRefugee

    Rev. Robertson said that Republican prayers diverted the hurricane from Tampa to Louisiana. Maybe he can get some of those prayers diverted to Governor Jindal now . . . or, of course, some more tax cuts would allow the job creators to all those things they keep saying they do, but will only do until we cut all their taxes and give them everything they want – after that, they'll go work some job-creatin' magic against the storm.

  41. BZ1

    Piyush Jindal gave himself the name, "Bobby" tailored after the youngest son from the Brady Bunch. Ain't gonna happen.

  42. DahBoner

    With all that money Jindal saved from not having hurricane monitoring, you would think they would have something saved up for a rainy day?

    Why don't you just call up the Job Creators over at British Petro and request a 30% payday loan…

  43. barto

    See how easy it is? Gets to be a victim when the feds give him money, gets to be a victim when they don't. This is today's GOP.

  44. Misty Malarky

    A poem:

    A governor named Bobby Jidal
    Read some quite scary news on his Kindle.
    So right before Isaac
    He nailed down his ballsack,
    And pinned his foreskin down with a spindle.

  45. glamourdammerung

    President Obama needs to very slowly and very clearly read the letter to the press and then say "do not worry. I am from the government and I am here to help". Then release the necessary aid and have the DoJ hit any fraud as hard as humanly possible.

  46. lochnessmonster

    Ummm LA is a state that repeatedly has hurricanes visit. I say Gov Jindal did not plan properly for hurricane season. Maybe he should revisit his budget for hurricane preparedness? @cspanwj

  47. fawkedifiknow

    Put our money where your ignorant ass cracker mouth is: Pray for help, Jindal. See how that works out for ya.

    Dumb fuck.

  48. Nostrildamus

    I knew a man Bob Jindal and he's lecture you
    In worn out tropes
    With simpering tone and perpetual victimhood
    He'd play the dopes
    He wrote such lie
    He wrote such lie
    And then landed on Fox

    Mister Bob Jindal
    Mister Bob Jindal
    Mister Bob Jindal
    Fuck off

  49. WhaleChowder

    I think Obama should give Louisiana all the help it needs.

    Then produce a commercial with Jindal quotes about how awful government is and pointing out the difference between Democrats and Republicans in the starkest terms.

    Then send a little email, maybe via a proxy: Fuck you very much, "Bobby", signed Barack

  50. BarryWDC

    Dang, the gubmint's always too big according to the Grand Olde Party–except when them Repub governors need Uncle Sam to pull their asses out of a sling. As a government servant who takes that role seriously, I wish all those Republican governors could be made to survive one year without the assistance of the central federal government.

    All of them, like this dumbass Jindal, would be begging for a larger, activist U.S. government. What a BUNCH…OF…HYPOCRITES.

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