Mitt Romney, animal loverWell look who is the luckiest bastard on earth: apparently one third of Americans do not have an opinion of Mitt Romney for some reason, which CBS has characterized as a “challenge.” Your Wonkette, on the other hand, feels that this might be more aptly described as a “gift” seeing that he is a horrible person who evades avoids taxes, has a son named Tagg, and has STRAPPED A DOG TO THE ROOF OF HIS CAR. Also, what if a hurricane comes and kills a bunch of people and now we don’t get to know who Mitt Romney is? Yes, this is an actual concern articulated by the good people at CBS.

[A] poll released Tuesday shows that, among registered voters, more have an unfavorable view than favorable of Romney – 36 percent to 31 percent. (President Obama’s numbers also reflect a slight edge of unfavorable over favorable, 44 to 41.) And yet, after months of a contentious Republican primary season, nearly one-third (32 percent) of voters still don’t know enough about Romney to from an opinion.

Among them: 37 percent of independent voters, the very people that Romney needs to win over in order to defeat President Barack Obama in November.

Let’s hope for his sake that these voters aren’t female, Latino/a, black, gay, or Poors.

“You know, this just shows what a bubble that we’re in,” CBS News chief Washington correspondent Bob Schieffer told “CBS This Morning” host Charlie Rose. “We think everybody is following every, you know, move and turn in this election. One-third of Americans do not yet have an opinion [on Romney].

“That’s why, Charlie, this convention is so important and why everybody has an eye on this weather. Because look at the choice that they’re going to face here. What if this storm barrels into New Orleans and there is the death and destruction and Americans are in peril?”

Yes. What if this happens? And people die? And then no one has the opportunity to get to know Mitt Romney and be exposed to the possibility that he can pretend not to be horrible for three days straight? Where will we be then??

With Monday’s convention schedule swept aside by concerns over Tropical Storm Isaac, the Republicans will start in earnest Tuesday officially nominating Romney, and hearing speeches by his wife, Ann, and a keynote address by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

“Behind the scenes, people here are talking about ‘What are we going to do?'” Schieffer said. “Should we cancel more sessions of this convention?’ The one thing they’re even talking about, if it comes to a worst-case scenario, [is] just having Mitt Romney make a speech to the American people. The optics of a split-screen of people in peril over here, and people at a convention having fun, is something they really don’t want to face up to.

You had us at the worst-case scenario is “having Mitt Romney make a speech to the American people.


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  • Barbara_

    Pundits say Ann Romney will "humanize Mitt" in her speech. Looking on the schedule to see who will be humanizing Ann first.

    • nounverb911


    • Her turkey baster

    • Jus_Wonderin


    • Her bunny vibrator, about 30 minutes before her speech?

      • ph7

        Mitt didn't build that orgasm!

        • CarolinaStewPie

          He bought it at Costco. (Oh, and big was made in China)

          • Jus_Wonderin

            I hear once you have a Chinese orgasm, you will just want to have one again in an hour.


            Do Chinese vibrators actually fit American women?

          • I call bullshit.

            Mitt pays retail.

    • The scientist who cloned her?

    • Rumor has it Egg's been studying tapes of Elsa Lanchester to be able to reach her audience.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Is it because of those long arms?

        • And she doesn't want to appear too stiff.

          • YasserArraFeck

            I suspect there hasn't been much "stiff" in the (R)Money household for quite some time.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      It's turtles all the way down, Barbara_.

      How are you feeling these days? Well, I hope.

      • Barbara_

        i am feeling well, Ice Cream. Thanks for asking. How are you?

    • I enjoyed this pundit's take on it the best of all~

    • The only thing that will "humanize Mitt" for me is him passing the Voight-Kampf test. A Turing test is too easy.

  • bumfug

    Worst case scenario would be watching Mitt Romney trying to tell a joke. Fucker would sound like your dad grabbing a Readers Digest and reading out of "Life In These United States".

    • That takes me back. We used to get that. We even had some of the Reader's Digest "condensed novels." I read "The Boys From Brazil" condensed, as a kid.

      • Not only did I read it as a kid, my dad bought me a gift subscription every Christmas until I was 50, even after I reminded him, "Dad! We're SOCIALISTS!"

        I sent that one into "Life In These United States". They never used it.

        • Reader's Digest was kind of an early attempt to do Web surfing on paper, huh?

      • LionHeartSoyDog

        That's a reminder. Why would anyone take good literature and cut it down?
        The dumbing-down was going on even back then.

    • viennawoods13

      He could always steal a joke from "Humor in Uniform"… oh wait…

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    I hear Hurricane Isaac is so strong it could actually blow some of Mitt's money back into the United States.

    • widestanceromance

      Won't budge that hair, though.

    • SavageDrummer

      *drum fill*

      YAY! I'm useful!

    • bikerlaureate

      This is spectacular.

      You give all us kids something to strive for.

    • Veritas78

      This line needs a wider audience than Wonkette. Could you forward it to Joe Biden?

  • In fairness, about a third of us spent the summer drunk

    • nounverb911

      Is that what they taught you at Stuyvie?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Wait! Where did Spring go?

      • Who am I?

        • nounverb911

          A bad Jackie Chan movie?

          • Jus_Wonderin

            A pine, Barbara, because they have a long tap root and the needles make a pleasing sound in a brisk breeze.

    • LibertyLover

      "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

      • Well, two out of three is surviva-*hic*-ble

    • garryboldwater

      I've spent the last 20 summers drunk.

      • I've got ulcers older than you.

  • Trannysurprise

    "What if this storm barrels into New Orleans and there is the death and destruction and Americans are in peril?”

    Americans in Louisiana are already in peril since Uncle Bobby is going to reject the ACA. I don't know why they give a shit just exactly how they die.

    • bikerlaureate

      The water's really hard.

  • Crank_Tango

    Yes, but at least he didn't fuck the dog, amirite?

    • SmutBoffin

      I mean, Paul Ryan may be in favor of forcing women to carry their rape-pregnancies to term, but at least he hasn't raped anyone himself!

      What don't you people get about this being the best pres./vice pres. ticket EVAR?

      • MissTaken

        Ryan doesn't like to call it rape, it's just a method of conception.

        • bikerlaureate

          He jerks in mysterious ways.

          • SavageDrummer

            Like sitting on his hand until it goes numb so it feels like someone else is doing it?

          • bikerlaureate

            Whose hand ?!?

            Those aren't pillows…

  • UW8316154

    I wish I could go back in time, to the blissful ignorance I enjoyed before I knew anything about Mitt Romney.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I have contemplated my Black & Decker variable speed drill and a 3/4 inch bit. Maybe I am overreacting?

      • Guppy

        I know the Ryan healthcare plan will subsidize blood-letting, but I don't recall anything about trepanning.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Does Bain Capital own a leeech farm?

          • Guppy

            No, that's just the board room.

      • LibertyLover

        Yes, yes you are. Just take the blue pill.

      • bikerlaureate

        3/8" will be sufficient and should involve fewer nerve clusters.

        What? No, no. You don't want to miss the concession speech. Mr. Orange will cry, McConnell's neck with withdraw further into his shell, it'll be a hoot.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Okay, you all have convinced me. However, if I did chose that path, I am pretty sure what part of my underskull hurts when I hear or think of Romney.

          I am sure I would have looked like a huge pincushion. Blissful, yes, but a pincushion just the same.

  • nounverb911

    Will Mitt use a teleprompter or will they just connect him to a mainframe with an RS-232 cable?

    • SmutBoffin


      • He's SCSI, to be sure

        • Jus_Wonderin

          This is a little known fact, but V1.0 had a dongle. Okay, maybe that's a tiny known fact.

    • bikerlaureate

      Came to argue like a ex-nerd about slow serial interfaces… but…

      FireWire would be too spicy, that's fer sure.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Verily I say unto you, USB is contrary to the Mormon faith.

    • Pithaughn

      null modem.

      • bikerlaureate

        There is a serious loopback problem in the Republican Party.

        It's not polite to talk about it in Large, Noisy Convention Halls… but admitting the problem is a crucial first step.

    • aussiefromafar

      Romney has a USB port about 2' 6" above ground level at the back of his body. Anatomy 101 anyone?

  • What if this storm barrels into New Orleans and there is the death and destruction and Americans are in peril?

    Just a thought: Obama gets to look all Presidential and shows the Republicans and W just how a national leader should behave?

    • ChernobylSoup

      True, but there's that whole different standard thing (black). If Obama doesn't stop the storm surge with a stern eye, he fails.

      In fact, I'm already disappointed in Obama's slow response to this crisis.

      • Piyush? Is that you?

      • kittensdontlie

        It's lose/lose situation. If nothing bad happens, he will get the blame for that.

        • bikerlaureate

          Stop playing the antivictim.
          People's freakin' prayers were answered to turn the storm away from Tampa, for Pete's sake. You have to campaign on the near-disaster you have, not the near-disaster you want to have.

        • Negropolis

          If he goes to NO, he's only going because it's so blah.

      • anniegetyerfun

        If Obama stoops to tie his shoe, someone somewhere will claim that he is bowing to the storm, which is a foreign storm.

        • bikerlaureate

          And if he let a SS guy tie the shoe, he'd be uppity.
          And if he walked around with an untied shoe, he'd be stoooopid.
          And if he left the lace untied, and tripped, he'd be too much of a jetsetting clown to represent us to the world (and not vetted enough in '08).

    • bikerlaureate

      Keep floggin' that capable-President chicken.
      There were tornadoes earlier in the year and where was the concern then? Why didn't the Kenyan Usurper prevent all of that heartbreak?

      Double-reverse soft racism.
      It's Just Not Nice.

      • There you go!

        The only reason he's even bothering to show up in NO is teh Blahs.

    • HistoriCat

      The local newspaper website commentary around here is "good thing there's a competent Republican governor in charge in Louisiana this time around." Of course, I've also seen commenters who want to barricade I-10 to prevent refugees from New Orleans from coming to Houston (this may be related to the skin color of said refugees but they're too wimpy to come out and say so).

      I really hate humanity sometimes.

      • The same gov who's begging Obama for help?

  • Crank_Tango

    Rmoney should suspend his campaign and fight the herricane with his hair.

    • pdiddycornchips

      All Obama needs to do is parachute Corey Booker into the Lower 9th Ward with a row boat and forty yards of rope.

  • mavenmaven

    "The optics of a split-screen of people in peril over here, and people at a convention having fun, is something they really don’t want to face up to"

    Yes, the American people will have plenty of time to learn how callous these people are- after the rich take power.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I kinda fear the "quoted passage" is what a Romney Presidency will actually look like. Optics indeed!!

    • HogeyeGrex

      Oddly, they really ought to know by now.

      Perhaps from "optics" like this, this or this.

      How quickly we forget.

      Also, what do you mean, "after?"

    • bikerlaureate


      Is there some key date other than 20-Jan-2013?
      'Cause I'm embarrassed to admit I thought the coup had already happened.

  • A: An obscenely wealthy shitbag who only holds the interests of the 1%.
    (very simple!)

    • Jus_Wonderin

      B: A insensitive ragcicle who doesn't feel he needs to pay taxes and hasn't a clue what life is like for most Americans.

      (Hey, I like this game.)

      • LetUsBray

        C: A puffed-up potentate in a weird, secretive cult who has his campaign working overtime to portray our president as "not one of us".

        • Callyson

          D. A lying sack of sleaze who can't run on his record (both because it sucks and because he keeps flip flopping) so he is inventing stories about Obama's record instead.

          • Arborista

            E. A fucking weathervane who was programmed to pander.

      • CthuNHu

        C: A mystery wrapped in a smarm wrapped in hundred dollar bills wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an emotional void wrapped in blather wrapped in free-floating ambition wrapped in a douchenozzle wrapped in magic underpants.

  • Well, they always say "most people aren't paying attention until the conventions" or "most voters don't really spend much time with politics until after Labor Day."

    In other words, our entire political process comes down to decisions made by a bunch of Herp Derps who have spent the last several months watching reality television. And these aforementioned Herp Derps don't have much clue about Mitt Romney, but they could probably go on for hours about Snooki or the Kardashians.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Makes you feel cheated for watching the Republican primaries since January 20, 2008.

    • bikerlaureate

      "So You Think You Want To Be Commander-in-Chief" was pretty good this season.

  • ChernobylSoup

    So Mitt is that drunk guy at your table who insists the cute waitress will love him if she only gets to know him.

    • LibertyLover

      Except he isn't drunk.

    • bikerlaureate

      …and can't understand why nobody – family, employees, peers – really "gets" him.

    • mavenmaven

      Mitt is that drunk guy at your table who insists the cute waitress will love him if he only gets to give her large sums of money.

  • Lucidamente1

    Well, at least he'll be ready to comment on storm-ravaged New Orleans:

    "I like those fancy raincoats you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks.”

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I'm not sure about these levees, they don't look like you made them. I bet they came from the local 7-eleven.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    All voters need to know about Mitt Romney is that he looks like the guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear … or the waiter who comes to your table to make sure everything's all right… or a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping … or a closer at a Cadillac dealership…. or that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial. You know, one of those.

    • One half of the happy couple smiling at you from your store bought picture frame.

    • BlueStateLibel

      And Barry IS the guy you'd like to have a beer with, the guy you'd like to hang around with, the guy you'd like your boss or co-worker to be, or maybe your husband …now I have a sad.

    • Pithaughn

      to me he never should have a speaking part. looks like a stock photo of a corporate vice president or some sort of upper management. One of those dicks who has never had a job that tore up his body so he gets to look great even though he is past 55.

  • An_Outhouse

    You know those people without an opinion about Mittens? They're not watching the shitty RNC convention either.

    • ph7

      Not while browns are floating away real time on CNN….

  • fawkedifiknow

    Maybe they can get that old hag, Barbara Bush, to talk about how the blah people evacuated from New Orleans, in front of the hurricane, "never had it so good." That could make Romney look human, I suppose.

  • pdiddycornchips

    I am sure the Republicans have a contingency plan in place should NOLA go the way of Atlantis. I am sure that plan includes lots of tax cuts for rich people and not much else.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Yes, go fishing like Dubya and his dad did. Photshopped, my ass.

    • widestanceromance

      Retroactive insurance scams, also too.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I'm waiting for Shepard Fairey to come up with a 2012 Mitt Romney poster: HOPELESS.

    • Callyson

      Also, REGRESS (as opposed to PROGRESS.)

    • randcoolcatdaddy

      Actually, it just needs to be a lol cat with the caption "DO NOT WANT!!!"

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Also, what if a hurricane comes and kills a bunch of people and now we don’t get to know who Mitt Romney is?

    Then the living will envy the dead.

    • LibertyLover

      Won't somebody think of the zombies?

  • I predict a hasty name change: "Human Mitt". Worked good enough for "Clean Coal".

    • bikerlaureate

      Nothing short of hard proof that Flip Romney's run enough lemonade stands will be good enough for me.

  • One third of the populace is information averse. The soundtrack of the conventions, the news broadcasts,and political ads might just as well be the "wah-wah" trombone sounds adults make in the Peanuts specials.

    Optics really are everything for them. They look at the pictures; they don't read the articles.

    • pdiddycornchips

      America, dumb and getting dumber.

      • schvitzatura


  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    These same people have very strong opinions on who the best competitor was on last weeks episode of "Wipeout"

  • SexySmurf

    How can you not have an opinion about a man who's been on every side of every issue and yet won't explain what he'll do if he becomes president?

  • punkneverdies

    Does anyone else think it's more important to move the base than cater to the too-stupid-to-think undecided voter?

  • MissTaken

    “That’s why, Charlie, this convention is so important and why everybody has an eye on this weather. Because look at the choice that they’re going to face here. What if this storm barrels into New Orleans and there is the death and destruction and Americans are in peril?”

    Yes Bob, the real tragedy of a horrible storm slamming New Orleans is stupid-assed Americans who couldn't be bothered to change the channel from 'Kim and Kanye Make a Sex Tape and Then Wear Clothes' and learn a little something about their next potential President maybe not being able to learn about Romney from the RNC. Death and destruction? Phff.

  • MosesInvests

    The real problem is the one-third of registered voters who DO KNOW how horrible Mitt Romney is, and that's why they'll vote for him.

    • bikerlaureate

      You're implying something icky about principled people. They're proud of their values, and acknowledge the necessity to lie and torture in order to protect this great country of ours. A TV show on Fox clearly demonstrated that the ends do indeed justify the means – just as all those guys babbled about in New Testament times.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I'm not sure why, but when I see pictures or video of Mitt Romney and I see that greasy blob of hair on his head and that smirk on his face, the first thing that comes to mind is "dandruff".

    I don't know why, exactly. But, really …. dandruff.

    I have to wonder if that 30% that have no opinion are subconsciously thinking the same thing.

  • LibertyLover

    "The optics of a split-screen of people in peril over here, and people at a convention having fun, is something they really don’t want to face up to"

    Yeah, they'd much rather wait until they tour the nearest convention center of hurricane victims a week later and listen to this:

    What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them.

  • I have finally figured out who the MittBot reminds me of – he is the 21st Century Max Headroom, except without the humor or personality of that once famous virtual American. Also Max got better ratings.

    • THAT'S the person I had in mind when I was getting all hologrammish a few threads back

    • Bingo.

    • schvitzatura

      He's the Anti-Dobbs! Mitt is the Pinkest man on the planet(s).

  • A very large meteor would have to hit the earth to compare to Mitt's horribleness.

    • bikerlaureate

      Are we talking car-elevator large, or just something the size of a couple of Cadillacs?

  • Callyson

    You had me at "the worst-case scenario is having Mitt Romney…"

  • anniegetyerfun

    If you don't know him by now… you will never never never know him… oooooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, oooh.

  • LibertyLover

    So Republicans are expecting Ann to ride up to the stage on Rafalca, dismount, get out the oilcan out of her hand-basket and squirt oil into the hinges of the robotic Mitt?

    • bikerlaureate

      Wouldn't the optics be better if they did that backstage, and then just used a handtruck or forklift to get "him" to the podium? (Less chance of the ambulation-subroutine barfing too.)

  • MissTaken

    Is anyone else watching the Paultards act batshit at the convention right now? They won't let some lady from Puerto Rico give a report on something permanent or something. Hilarious!

  • Guppy

    Why are you here when you're missing Phase 1 of Operation Hobbit by the Paultards in Tampa?

    • MissTaken

      Rinse and Repeat is doing a shit poor job of keeping them in order.

      • Guppy

        But the upshot is the crowd had to shout "U S A!" at an Hispanic woman from Puerto Rico.

  • HogeyeGrex


    Nearly a third of the country is straight-up evil. Another third is so fucking stupid they can't tell if they want to be straight-up evil or not. WTF, USofFreedomA?.

  • No, no; do let's have a split screen of FEMA discharging its duties with the efficacy one would expect from an agency run by professionals who actually think government is something other than a cosmic pestilence vs. an arena jammed with overfed, rice-white, permanently aggrieved bigots and nihilists cheering a speech by a fucking robot.

    I think that would make great television.

  • BZ1

    Don't forget: high school bully.

    • bikerlaureate

      Never forget. It goes to character.

      If others are determined to mock what a 9-year-old kid was given for dinner when in the Philippines, they're gonna have the Cranbrook Sadist story shoved vigorously down their throat until they can taste coppery hair clippings.

  • BlueStateLibel

    ‘What are we going to do?’” Schieffer said. “Should we cancel more sessions of this convention?’ I know what you can do, but I'd probably be banned from here if I said it.

  • CarolinaStewPie

    I keep hearing the audio on the TV 'Conditions are continuing to go downhill hour by hour'. I think they're talking about the Hurricane, but it could be MSNBC talking about the RNC.

  • But isn't not knowing Mitt really the purest form of knowing Mitt?

    • *reads wookie's profile blurb*

      I koan't quite catch your drift.

      • Of course if Mitt's such a cipher that knowing him is the same as not knowing him, then how can you tell if you don't know him or not? The entire field of Mittpistemology is dedicated to answering that question.

        • bobbert


    • bikerlaureate

      To not, not know him
      Is to not, not love him.

    • MosesInvests


  • bikerlaureate

    I am now physically incapable of scrolling past this comment without upfisting, no matter what the topic is.

    (This would probably concern me more if I had health insurance and could see my doctor about it.)

    • Oh, damn. whatever it was, I'm sorry I missed it.

  • Lot_49

    Let’s hope for his sake that these voters aren’t female, Latino/a, black, gay, or Poors.

    But what about the Bitters? Who's got their votes? Or even remembers who they were? [Hint: they were also known as "Ceiling Cracks," at least to Ken Layne.]

  • Oooh, John Boener looks pissed: it's 4:30 EDT and he can't be in a bar, giving a talk at the RNC.

    Oh, and Reince? You got a little something at the corner of your mouth…

    Good grief! What a sea of white, shining faces!

    And now, a sea of old white people in the state of old white people is being serenaded by a band of even older, whiter people and….

    HOLY SHIT! Is that Breitbart on saxophone???? Man, he's blowing hard!

    (NB: Shot of audience members dancing. White folk got no rivvim)

    Finally, C-SPAN identifies the band as Kit Hitler and the Dachau Five. That looks like Gordon Jump on keyboards, which makes sense since turkeys can't fly.

  • TootsStansbury

    This is the shit that keeps me awake at night. The daily parade of horribles that are posts on my Wonkette are bad enough; but the thought that they could end up "governing" this country. Do not want.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Let Isaac be Isaac!!!!…..

  • Official convention photograph being taken now. Ultrawide angle lens is being deployed.

    And once Chris Christie is photographed, they'll get the rest of the crowd.

    • TootsStansbury

      Photographed or mapped?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Let's just say that they hired Google Earth for the job.

  • pdiddycornchips

    A quick note to Rebecca. If things get really crazy, remember to hide behind Cardinal Dolan. His enormous weight should protect you and if the worst should happen, you can use his red skull cap as a flotation devise

  • Can we all just agree that no one should be elected to higher office if they name their offspring "Tagg", "Tripp", or after any town in Connecticut?

    • bikerlaureate

      This is bad news for Stamford Christie.

  • LibrarianX

    Few know that Ann Romney bites the heads of bats off with her razor sharp vole teeth.

  • supernoun


    Humanize Mittens for me, Annie baby. Go ahead, try!

  • vodkamuppet

    …nearly one-third (32 percent) of voters still don’t know enough about Romney to from an opinion.

    And these are the fucking idiots that decide every fucking election, basically on a whim. I hate this country.

    • ph7

      Snark aside, you ever talk to someone who works three jobs just to get by?They don't give a shit about anything, knowing that if they sit and read the paper, or watch TV, someone's in the family not getting a meal or ready for school.

      Some of the 32% are fucking idiots, and some of them got bigger fish to fry. None of them should vote for Mitt.

      • vodkamuppet

        I get that but Mitt has essentially been running for president for 6 years now. I just can't see not having formed any opinion on him at all unless you've been living under a rock for the last 6 years. As a resident of Detroit I know plenty of people struggling to get by and they all know enough to know Mitt is a rich asshole.

  • MinAgain

    we don’t get to know who Mitt Romney is?

    If this is "knowing" in the bibilical sense, I'm kinda okay with that.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Even Ann Romney probably hasn't been able to reach an informed opinion on Mr. Etch-A-Sketch — why should the public be expected to?

  • DalePues

    I just love that picture of Mitt with the cage thing tied to his head. The little dog inside is an extra laugh. Hilarious.

  • ttommyunger

    Bob Schieffer is so blissfully un-self-aware he doesn't even know he's been dead for six years.

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