WE DONE HERE?  9:45 am August 28, 2012

Tampa RNC, Day Deux: We Have Seen Steve Doocy, Now We Can All Go Home!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Steve Doocy is nobody’s sex object (except your weird sister, who is weird), and yet look at how he knows how to hold his face in front of a camera without twisting his mouth up all tarded and willing his nose to be shaped like a drunken potato!

We are fairly sure we are prettier than this in real life, we just always get a bad case of Yager face when a camera comes out! But maybe we were wrong this whole time, and everyone was just too nice to tell us we are actually a walking Picasso.

Right, so anyway, this was at the Hyatt lobby bar, also known as our office. And to answer your next question, yes, we did introduce ourselves, just as soon as his arm was around us and the pic was halfway to snapped, also known as too late to say no.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 162 comments }

SoBeach August 28, 2012 at 9:47 am

Ew.

ChrisM2011 August 28, 2012 at 9:52 am

Fifty shades of ew.

Estproph August 28, 2012 at 9:48 am

The sun must cross the yardarm early in Tampa.

Schmannnity August 28, 2012 at 9:49 am

Close enough to stab.

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

):

LibrarianX August 28, 2012 at 10:02 am

And risk exposure to THOSE bodily fluids?

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

Damn. I forgot to market my latex body condoms in time.

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 10:18 am

How much are they?

Just curious.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:22 am

Asking for a friend?

Did you want with or without breathing holes?

valgal2342 August 28, 2012 at 9:49 am

Damn, the things you put up with for our entertainment.

MLHencken August 28, 2012 at 9:50 am

I wonder what picture Doocy uses on Rentboy.

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 9:56 am
elviouslyqueer August 28, 2012 at 10:14 am

By comparison, here's his Scruff profile pic.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 9:52 am

Certainly a more attractive couple than Carville and what's-her-name.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:13 am

The deaf chick?

chicken_thief August 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

HEH?!

Mumbletypeg August 28, 2012 at 10:29 am

oh god, please behave today… You've got me laughing at an actress "chick" I actually kind of like!

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 10:37 am

You tell him to behave, and I'll egg him on.

Getting old is inevitable, growing up is not.

Mumbletypeg August 28, 2012 at 10:42 am

Something tells me my imploring him not to make me laugh at deaf chicks *will* egg him on!

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 12:51 pm

This is why I like my brain:

I'm watching that movie "What the… do we know about physics?" [saw it in the Baghdad theater in Portland, the actual theater which was featured in the movie, which was pretty cool]. The deaf actress (Marilee something) was profile to the camera, looking in the mirror and having a bad self-esteem day.
Actress [to mirror]: You're fat!!
My Brain: With that nose, you're worried about your ass?

noodlesalad August 28, 2012 at 9:52 am

Clever! By informing him who you were, this became a legitimate picture.

kittensdontlie August 28, 2012 at 10:41 am

He had no clue who she was. At a bar, when a beautiful busty woman approaches, a normal male reaction is to grab first, ask questions later.

Geminisunmars August 28, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yeah, but that is normal. What about in Douchy's case.

kittensdontlie August 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Yea, without his glasses on, did he think he was grabbing Gretchen???

stopthemovie August 28, 2012 at 9:53 am

There's not enough whisky in Ireland…

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

You said tard.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 9:59 am

The Ghost of Jack Steuff approves!

eggsacklywright August 28, 2012 at 10:20 am

and feathered?

Come here a minute August 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

That explains why the Editrix passed the virtual tin cup around last week– over budget on disinfecting wipes.

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

Rebecca, I think you are really rocking the mysteriously erotic/attractive Bacall look.

rickmaci August 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

More importantly, does he like the cat suit and whip?

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

His safe phrase is “I love Obama!”

Chet Kincaid_ August 28, 2012 at 10:18 am

Careful! There are so many lawyers on the Wonket, it'll be raining restraining orders if you get too moony!

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Can I have handcuffs and Rebecca dressed as a prison guard?

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:22 am

I'd hit that like a jackhammer

chicken_thief August 28, 2012 at 10:23 am

Needz moar side boob. The Dooce, in this context, does not count.

Barbara_ August 28, 2012 at 10:23 am

James, don't go and be pitching woo at Rebecca like that. She's Doocy's gal now.

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 10:39 am

I learned my lesson. Last time I was caught pitching woo I had to pay a $50 fine to the NJ Department of Environmental Protection.

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 12:53 pm

That wasn't woo, it was poo.

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Did I tell you about the time I caught William Shakespeare making hot monkey love to Gertrude Stein?A rose is a rose is a rose would still smell as sweet.

ChillBill August 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

Looks like legitimate hugging.

kittensdontlie August 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

Illegitimate! She wanted to say 'no' but how can you when things go off that quickly!

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

Odd, that's what all the girls say to Doocy.

Schmannnity August 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

First Kilmeade and now Doocy. It doesn't count unless you get a compromising picture with Gretchen Carlson.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:13 am

Upskirt, if you please. She seems to enjoy showing the frills off.

Limeylizzie August 28, 2012 at 9:55 am

Oh what a darling couple…I am, of course, referring to your breasts.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 1:10 pm

They really are good together.

OneYieldRegular August 28, 2012 at 9:57 am

This mild distortion effect to which you refer has been scientifically shown to be caused by a force called the Doocy Field. There are few lingering after-effects, but probably best to keep a safe distance next time.

Texan_Bulldog August 28, 2012 at 9:57 am

Editrix looks a bit skeered the stupid will rub off. Reminds me of that picture of Breitbart & Riley (although I think Riley was scared of something totally different).

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 28, 2012 at 9:57 am

I would be more comfortable with this picture if his hands were visible.

FakaktaSouth August 28, 2012 at 10:04 am

I just wonder who had theirs up his ass to move his mouth into that semi-smile thing. He's tall or Becs is small, but gross gross gross.

larrykat August 28, 2012 at 9:58 am

Did he cop a feel?

ManchuCandidate August 28, 2012 at 9:58 am

Where did he touch you?

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:14 am

Shouldn't we go get the demonstration doll first before we ask how he violated her?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 10:19 am

You're just no fun at all.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

Did I mention the doll blows up?

Jus_Wonderin August 28, 2012 at 10:32 am

Terror Doll?

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

Show me where the Republican touched you.

eggsacklywright August 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

Show us on the doll.

AlterNewt August 28, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Tampa?

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm

In order to be accurate, we need a Rebecca doll.
Annnnddd, I just figured out how I'm gonna make my fortune.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I'll take twelve.

SorosBot August 28, 2012 at 9:58 am

That's a very traditional Wonkette blurry photo; was the camera drinking too?

FakaktaSouth August 28, 2012 at 10:17 am

I am pleased with the Barbra Walters haze-effects, in case there are pics this weekend in Hotlanta.

PubOption August 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

At least it's the right way up.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Thank god theyr'e both vertical, that's all I can say.

Pat_Pending August 28, 2012 at 9:58 am

needz moar duckface.

Maman August 28, 2012 at 9:59 am

That isn't Yager face, it is lobby light.

lurker_above August 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

Doocy is like a walking Deluminator. Everything/everyone gets dimmer wherever he goes.

bflrtsplk August 28, 2012 at 10:00 am

Doesn`t touching Douche-y give you some dread disease that won`t go away, even if it won`t kill you?

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 10:00 am

Bad bar lighting, I feel your pain and yes, you are beautiful in person. But, I'm pretty sure your expression says, "Please don't rape me. Disinfecting ladyparts in expensive and time-consuming."

RadioBowels August 28, 2012 at 10:00 am

This is like the Christmas Truce of 1914.

smashedinhat August 28, 2012 at 10:00 am

Aviator shades. I never leave home without them.

StarsUponThars August 28, 2012 at 10:00 am

He's only slightly worse than Oogieloves.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:28 am

And like Oogies, we stumble across him accidentally and later regret our error.

Lascauxcaveman August 28, 2012 at 11:26 am

Ugh. I Don't know what we've done to deserve them, but they have infected our Wonkette like a persistent dose of clap.

Geminisunmars August 28, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I thought I had a virus.

ph7 August 28, 2012 at 10:01 am

Did you invite him up to your room for drink? Sometimes a journalist must place themselves at great risk to get the best story. Plus, what's a regrettable hate fuck among friends?

FakaktaSouth August 28, 2012 at 10:02 am

I have always wondered what pure stupid evil smelled like but I've never been so brave as to put my arm all the way around it.

Lazy Media August 28, 2012 at 10:03 am

Be careful to wash the stupid off; that stuff is highly contagious and you are, after all, in the middle of a spatial cluster of it.

FNMA August 28, 2012 at 10:06 am

Whatever they pay you, it's not enough.

stopthemovie August 28, 2012 at 10:06 am

A "good" girl never doocy's in public.

Guppy August 28, 2012 at 10:08 am

too late to say no

Hang on to that aspirin!

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 10:10 am

Does he smell like sulfur?

TootsStansbury August 28, 2012 at 10:17 am

I was imagining vienna sausages for some reason.

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Chick-Fil-A, Axe body spray, and self-loathing.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:10 am

Madam Editrix?

Why does Doocy look so uncomfortable putting his arm around you? Are you wearing barbed wire or something? He looks like he'd rather be anyplace else.

chicken_thief August 28, 2012 at 10:29 am

Cover boy from yesterday with the "Something about Mary" gel in his hair would have had Doocy preening like a peacock on Viagra.

iamrrm August 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

That's just gross! They didn't fix that for your bat mitzvah? Also, Doocy is barfy too.

Chet Kincaid_ August 28, 2012 at 10:23 am

Hi, I'm the bouncer. Shut the fuck up.

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 10:29 am

x2

ThundercatHo August 28, 2012 at 11:14 am

Thank you darling, you just made my day.

viennawoods13 August 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

Now go take a good long disinfecting shower. Ew.

TootsStansbury August 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

Ooh careful around that; you don't want to catch a case of the tards.

deanbooth August 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

Fox (Rebecca) and Friend.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

Fox (Rebecca) and Friend

FTFY

mrblifil August 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

Not even a hint of frisson. I don't think you're his type.

Lascauxcaveman August 28, 2012 at 11:30 am

She's definitely too smart. Doochys can sense that, somehow.

rickmaci August 28, 2012 at 10:14 am

Meet the Press? Press the Meat? So it goes.

Mumbletypeg August 28, 2012 at 10:24 am

Press the Meat

Can produce meat-hiccups if one doesn't exercise caution.

rickmaci August 28, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I have no experience with this to confirm but have been told that if you swallow something the hiccups go away. Just reporting here…

Chow Yun Flat August 28, 2012 at 10:14 am

Glasses stuck in the front of a polo shirt. Ghastly.

elviouslyqueer August 28, 2012 at 10:15 am

Two words, Rebecca: Silkwood. Shower.

fawkedifiknow August 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

I have on occasion carried my glasses like Doocy does in the picture, and I never got lucky, either.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 28, 2012 at 10:23 am

In the abscence of a shirt pocket, the only other place for them is on your face.

I wonder what Douchey is like when he's out of his Faux News cocoon, and not being spoon-fed GOP talking points.

Chow Yun Flat August 28, 2012 at 10:30 am

Drunk, disgusting, incoherent, incontinent, stupid, sleazy…

imissopus August 28, 2012 at 11:00 am

So same as when he's in the cocoon.

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I suppose one could put them on one of those decorative strings, but I think that's specific to sunglasses, not regular glasses.

weejee August 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

A Wonkette Fauxtograph, whodda thunk?

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

What night is the S&M strip club on the convention agenda? Or were you off the clock for this story?

MilwaukeeKent August 28, 2012 at 10:17 am

I already took a doocy this morning, thanks.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:18 am

Editrix, I'll donate $500 to the Drinky Thingie Fund if you get another shot tugging his toupee off.

I'm deadly serious. I don't take my drinking money lightly.

keepwalkin August 28, 2012 at 11:16 am

I'll donate $10,000 if you make his head explode like that guy in Scanners!!

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 2:23 pm

*doing a quick bit of math*

Lemme see…pure sodium…some magnesium…and a scrape of C4…$18,500

Um, make it 20K, and you're on

Buzz Feedback August 28, 2012 at 10:18 am

It's like Riley and Breitbart all over again.

PsycWench August 28, 2012 at 10:20 am

Shades of Intern Riley and Breitbart, but I think Riley got pawed a lot more. At least as indicated by the look on his face. http://wonkette.com/437870/sexytime-reunion-with-

LibrarianX August 28, 2012 at 10:20 am

Visible pull-cord in the middle of his back?

James Michael Curley August 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

What is this term "Yager Face"? If its a reference to the book and movie "The Right Stuff"? When "Chuck Yeager's Combat Flight Simulator" came out I went to a promotional appearance and he maintained that the movie took great liberties with his injuries when the XF-104 crashed (NF104?).

natoslug August 28, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Either that or she meant Jager Face, which is the result of too many Jager-bombs (or, more precisely, any real number greater than zero).

Mumbletypeg August 28, 2012 at 10:22 am

Over in crasstalk, there's a shorthand-y byline about Ross Douthat, calling him "doucehat."

In Steve's case I reckon the typo applies rather handily.

Joshua Norton August 28, 2012 at 10:23 am

You're good, but you've got a ways to go to beat Intern Riley when it comes to "posing with Insane Wingnut Celebs" pix.

fuflans August 28, 2012 at 10:24 am

well i can see that every hour of this convention is going require another donation to the obama campaign.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 10:29 am

Editrix, are you wearing swim goggles on your shoulder?

CheeseBro69 August 28, 2012 at 10:30 am

I would post a comment now but I have to go drop a doocy.

Chet Kincaid_ August 28, 2012 at 10:31 am

Gretchen Carlson was off at a salsa club, offering asylum in her spacious hinterlands to Cuban lotharios as part of FOX's hispanic outreach program.

chicken_thief August 28, 2012 at 10:34 am

Gretchen is doable. Greta, otoh…..

Chet Kincaid_ August 28, 2012 at 11:02 am

In her spare time, Greta enjoys curling up in an easy chair with her pipe tobacco and Todd Palin scrapbook.

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 11:12 am

Hahahahahaha! What a visual!

chicken_thief August 28, 2012 at 10:36 am

You know what they say about women who wear red.

Steverino247 August 28, 2012 at 11:12 am

They make FBI men shoot gangsters?

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Something tells me Doocy doesn't have anything the Smithsonian would be interested in.

mavenmaven August 28, 2012 at 10:36 am

Oh, at first I thought you got a picture with Romney, but the smile was too human.

Jus_Wonderin August 28, 2012 at 10:38 am

Wait. I thought matter and anti-matter couldn't touch.

freakishlywrong August 28, 2012 at 10:40 am

OT, but the Wonkett drinky thingee made the paper under a "things to do" section. I'm guessing the local reporter doesn't read the Wonkett much..

Tangled sin tax August 28, 2012 at 10:47 am

Another masterpiece from the Liz Glover School of Photography

Beowoof August 28, 2012 at 10:49 am

Even in my old age I would be afraid of picking up republican cooties.

PubOption August 28, 2012 at 10:53 am

Did Rebecca invite Doocy to the drinky thing? Or does she prefer to see him with his shirt on?

BZ1 August 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

I think it's pronounced "Douchey".

DocChaos August 28, 2012 at 11:07 am

Don't feel bad, judging appearances from badly lit snapshots, I look a lot more like an adult version of the kid from Deliverance than I realized.

Not_So_Much August 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

Man, if ever there were a face in need of slapping with a tire iron…

jakegittes August 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

Surprised he didn't do the sorority squat.

amoamas August 28, 2012 at 11:44 am

NSFW!

owhatever August 28, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Careful there, Editrixie. Once you go Right, you never (rhyme eludes me). Anway, you get rich and own property and start out as a Fox weatherperson, then get your own show, then marry Roger Ailes and have a fivesome with Roger, Rush, Newt, Sarah and Herman, and you'll never even think about us little people again. Sob.

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Once you go 'tard, it never gets hard?
Once you go Teabag, you move into a fleabag?

DahBoner August 28, 2012 at 12:45 pm

drunken potato

OK, I can understand how the Chinese can get a chicken drunk, but how do you get a potato drunk???

tessiee August 28, 2012 at 12:46 pm

"Steve Doocy is nobody’s sex object (except your weird sister, who is weird)"

Bessie libel!!!
My sister may be weird — OK, she is weird — but she's neither blind nor stupid.

M. Bouffant August 28, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Bessie & Tessiee?

Gleem McShineys August 28, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Editrix, you have something gross stuck to your shirt, and jesus, its a Doocey.

Nostrildamus August 28, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Little Douce Cute
You don't know what I got

(herpes)

Barrelhse August 28, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Who IS that guy with my weird sister?

Designer_Rants August 28, 2012 at 1:34 pm

We sent you down there to BRAINWASH the conservative media! Not HUG THEM!

Calapine August 28, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Wonkette funfact: Schönkopf means "pretty head" in german.

mosjef August 28, 2012 at 2:09 pm

He's the Doociest

ttommyunger August 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

All I can say is, Becca, you must have been really drunk to actually touch that ignorant fuckwad.

thatsitfortheother1 August 28, 2012 at 10:26 am

For Doocy, without, per favore.

LibrarianX August 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

Doocy's brain hasn't needed oxygen in years.

Lascauxcaveman August 28, 2012 at 11:14 am

Speaking from experience, one of the nice things about being hearing impaired is you never hear all the nasty things people say about you.

Mumbletypeg August 28, 2012 at 11:24 am

Wow, I never realized that til you said so.
Marlee did impress me with her work on "Children of a Lesser God," and West Wing. Apart from one other tv show I can think of, mostly forgotten, circa 1980 "Family Tree" with Anne Archer and _?_ as parents of four including the youngest son, a deaf boy in real life as well as character played– there is little portrayal of and, as a result, opportunity for roles among actors, who are hearing impaired.

Geminisunmars August 28, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I gotta tell you that here in Colorado we have an acting troop called PHAMALY (physicalled handicapped actors and musical artists league) that does incredible work. One of the actresses with parkinsons got a role in an Anne Hathaway movie year or two ago. There are so few opportunities for actors with disabilities. Recently I saw a show (wish I could remember which) where one of the lawyers was in a wheel chair, and it wasn't even part of the plot line. Just that a lawyer certainly could be portrayed by someone with a disabiliy. Why not. Anyway, thought I'd tell you.

actor212 August 28, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Achmed the Dead Terrorist, yes.

Mumbletypeg August 28, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I am glad you mentioned it! Even Parkinsons; I can think of musicians as well as actors whose natural talents are threatened w/ getting short-changed by the onset of this.
Next Friday is my dad's retirement from working for a non-profit enterprise that helps mentally and physically challenged young people find employment. Works toward engaging local restaurants for food prep training, and houses a number of workspaces where they hone abilities to package, assemble, and expedite for shipping various things from gift baskets to med kits to travel gear, on behalf of a number of clients. It is as fulfilling a workplace as my dad has ever spent time with and though it is past time he retired he put it off so long because he loves seeing its give & take w/ the community.

Geminisunmars August 28, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Give your Dad hugs and thanks from me. Why do we have to be such an exclusionary society?? I'm surprised that more communities haven't used PHAMALY as a model to develop in their areas. They do such wonderful plays — and bend some of the action to fit their own needs — like having the Tin Man played by a woman in a wheelchair in The Wiz; A quadraplegic Aldonza dragging herself onstage after the rape scene in Man of La Mancha; the ghostlyFruma-Sarah rising from her grave, and in this version being sped around the stage standing on a motorized wheelchair (from Fiddler on the Roof). Anyway, remarkable innovation and work. Again, hugs to your Pops. And to you.

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