A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Mitt Romney’s wife, Egg, had a dancey horse that was so good at prancing and mincing, it was going to prance and mince in the Olympics even! And because Mitt Romney does not know how to be a human husband, he was all, “That is Egg’s thing, I will not be watching.” And all of America slapped themselves in their faces with a tire iron, because dude, you not watching your wife’s horse dance in the Olympics is not going to distance you from the fact that you have a horse dancing in the Olympics, so why not say something only mildly assholish, like, “Ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah, what a dumb fucking sport, and one which many blue-collar white humans, whose votes I must attain, find eminently lame and which they mock. I sure will be watching it and cheering on my loving helpmeet.” Well, now Egg Romney is talking to all of America, from Tampa, tonight! And Mitt Romney will even be in town for it, to lend his support, instead of slapping his wife in the face with a tire iron! (This is BIG NEWS in these parts you guys, that Mitt Romney is coming to Tampa early, so: you know. Excitement?!) Mitt Romney, vote for him, as he is a human-style man!
Hopefully MacDinton’s, the bar where we will be having our Wonket Drinky Thing tonight, has televisions, otherwise we will not get to see Ann Romney “humanizing” her husband, presumably by being cunty to Michelle Obama (it is kind of her thing). But in either case Jim or someone will be liveblogging it for you, so do tune in! We will be drunk.