NOT AT OUR BEST  4:31 pm August 27, 2012

Tampa Republican Convention Day One: Fox & Friends’ Brian Kilmeade Is Going To Be Our (Forced) Lover

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Oooh that smellTAMPA — Three glasses of a lovely New Zealand sauvignon blanc, one stone-cold $12 club sandwich, one missed opportunity for a picture with none other than walking date-rape wanted-poster Brian Kilmeade, who walking-wanted-postered in past us while we were out smoking, and our phone was plugged in back at the bar. There is nothing to report from Tampa. Not one fucking thing. Not a thing at all. Drunk-face emoticon!

We flew all night. For once, we actually look our age, and nobody evinces any shock at all about our almost-40-ness. And Tampa is a hot freaking mess right now, pouring rain, hot winds with a bizarre top-note of icy wind over it. What is that? We are from Los Angeles, where hot winds stay hot and cold winds stay cold. None of this wind-misgenation nonsense!

We left our $30 per night Airbnb room — lovely! So clean! And the lady, from the Caribbean, twisted our towels into swans! It’s in a black neighborhood, an hour by bus from the DMZ that is Tampa’s downtown, with squadrons of bike cops in cammies. We were going to take some Hot Cop pictures, but then none of them were hot. SAD FACE.

And so we have been at the Hyatt since 11 maybe? We have seen four people of color. Three of them were media. The credential of the fourth was turned around, so there is no way to ever know. We’d been invited to pop by the DNC’s war room, but were then summarily evicted when our inviter went MIA, and right across the street were electric sockets and liquor and very nice barkeeps. Did anything at all happen, besides our near miss with Brian Kilmeade? Let us answer that with this: if anything at all had happened today, in the first (but canceled) day of the RNC, we would not be forced to end this post with a Thomas Friedman’s Taxi-Man Experience.

Nick is from Palestine, and he spent the whole 20 minute ride from the airport yelling about how much he loves Barack Obama, and how Mitt Romney is a creep, and we are the wealthiest nation on earth and where the fuck is our Medicaid? And we yelled back at him — WE KNOW! MITT ROMNEY IS TERRIBLE! AND WE HAVE OBAMACARE NOW AND FUCK THEM! And he told us that he yelled at an RNC lady about how much he loves Barack Obama, and we asked if she tipped him, and she did not! But Nick did not care, he just wanted to yell at the lady, about Israel, and Mitt Romney, and how much he loves Barack Obama. Nick did not bow and scrape to that lady. Nick is a free man.

All right! Good post!

Eye-crease emoticon.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 149 comments }

Arborista August 27, 2012 at 4:34 pm

What beady, close-set eyes he has!

johnnymeatworth August 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

And what huge teeth!

Arborista August 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

It really did occur to me to wonder about how the Convention ends the day before the Full Moon…

Cue piano intro from "Werewolves of London"…

johnnymeatworth August 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

"I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Hooters on 615 Channelside Drive in Tampa/His hair was perfect…."

MOG2410 August 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

It just doesn't resonate. and his hair wouldn't be perfect. heh.

viennawoods13 August 27, 2012 at 11:08 pm

They'd like that stupid Kid Rock song that always sounds like it's going to be Werewolves when it starts. I fucking hate that Kid Rock song.

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 4:37 pm

What lovely silicone-enhanced cheekbones, covered with soft, supple and totally-not-wrinkled-because-it-hasn't-been-pulled-tight-by-a-surgeon-nuh-uh skin….

LibertyLover August 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Has he visited the wizard yet to get his brain?

elviouslyqueer August 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Oh please. He went straight to the lab to speak to Marty Feldman.

FlownOver August 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

All the better to lie to you with, my dear.

bumfug August 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Well, when it comes to Republicans, no news is good news…

kittensdontlie August 27, 2012 at 9:33 pm

But if there is no news, the Wonkette team must make news! Raping (with votes) Brian K. would have been a good start.

ChernobylSoup August 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Shame you didn't make it to the Focus on the Family event in time:

…Rick Scarborough mourned the prominence of Lady Gaga, “the Big Bang Theory,” Jerry Seinfeld, and “Brokeback Mountain,” while Jim Garlow warned that Satan is pushing gay rights in order to “destroy the image of God” and curtail freedom.

MissTaken August 27, 2012 at 4:39 pm

What do they have against the Big Bang Theory? Is it the 'science' thing? Because it can't be the sex thing. Unless you count knock knock knock Leonard knock knock knock Leonard knock knock knock Leonard.

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Didn't one the leads totally out himself, tho?

MissTaken August 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

In real life, but on the show he's totally asexual.

FlownOver August 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

See, that's the thing – to the Tea Party Excess, fantasy and reality are interchangeable as needed.

finallyhappy August 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

SHELDON!!!!

Preferred Customer August 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

"Big Bang Theory" sounds way too sexual for FoF.

Respitetini August 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

It's because secretly, inside, in dark places they don't tell anyone about, they ship Raj/Howard just like everyone else.

BerkeleyBear August 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

It is the title thing, the title song thing, the admission of the existence of Caltech thing, the rational thought thing, the dismissal of religion thing, the embrace of evolution thing, the discussion of science fiction thing, the stressing of science thing, the embrace of nerds thing, the promiscuity thing (last time I checked none of them got married before doing it), the smart women who think for themselves can get a man and still have a career thing, the guy who plays Leonard coming out thing, and probably even the space/NASA thing (since that is putting man above God). Heck, they also probably hate that Chuck Lorre's involved – still mad at him for popularizing alternate faiths in "Dharma & Greg"; and resurrecting the career of anyone associated with Roseanne (who they consider a class traitor of the first rank) is always suspect.

But other than that, nothing I can think of.

emmelemm August 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Isn't it the guy who plays Sheldon who came out?

(I don't actually watch the show, but…)

finallyhappy August 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Yes, Sheldon came out in real life. Leonard – in real life- dated Penny- in real life for 3 years but they broke up in real life.. Howard and his wife(real life) just had a baby and Raj is married to a Miss India, Most of this I learned from Twitter or Yahoo entertainment

SorosBot August 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Perhaps because the title refers to the proven scientific origin of our universe, 13.7 billion instead of six thousand years ago? And as much as I hate The Big Bang Theory, I can't support them in hating it for the wrong reason.

I'm wandering why they hate Jerry Seinfeld, and can't think of anything besides being Jewish.

WIDTAP August 27, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Not that there anything wrong with that.

smokefilledroommate August 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

That's some lulz.

punkneverdies August 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

How come they always leave out Transformers?

smokefilledroommate August 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Optimus Prime and Megatron are totally a couple!

elviouslyqueer August 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

In all the scenes featuring humans, the young boy looks suspiciously like Kirk Cameron. Is all I'm saying.

Steverino247 August 27, 2012 at 4:46 pm

These guys just drool over the power the Taliban has in Pakistan and Afghanistan. They would love to have the power to stone unbelievers, believe me.

Arborista August 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

And behead anyone having a good time?

Preferred Customer August 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I once had a fairly lengthy dinner conversation, pre-9/11, with a right-wing Republican regarding the Taliban's destruction of the Buddha statues in Afghanistan. I expressed the fairly common sentiment that this was true barbarism, but he very passionately defended the right of the Taliban to rid their culture of what they saw as apostasy.

I always wondered how his views evolved after 9/11; I never had the pleasure of seeing him again.

Preferred Customer August 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I wonder if Rick Scarborough realizes that Lady Gaga is just Madonna, reincarnated. I personally feel that Lady Gaga demonstrates that our descent into moral degradation appears to have stalled in about 1988.

miss_grundy August 27, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Whenever I read about another stunt that she pulled, I feel like telling the writer, please see Madonna's marketing strategy from the 80s and 90s.

weejee August 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Emoticons are peoplez also, too.

ChillBill August 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Personally, I'm really surprised to see Fox News at the GOP Convention.

Beowoof August 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Well I do believe they are running the show.

ChillBill August 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Those two have to to be fucking!

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Did you free Nick by giving him an article of clothing?

Your bra would probably work best.

BerkeleyBear August 27, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Well that would definitely free something(s).

Barbara_ August 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm

You haven't roofied Luke Russert yet? You aren't trying hard enough.

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Luke's not as big a drunk as his dad was.

Beowoof August 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Toomush_Infer August 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Big shoes…..

KotBR August 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm

He doesn't have the brain cells to spare.

hagajim August 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

One thing I don't understand…I didn't know you could will your job to someone.

SorosBot August 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Just tell him he's so talented and totally was hired solely on his merits, that will get him straight into bed (and everyone else laughing at you).

gullywompr August 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Welcome to Florida.

Arborista August 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Where's the winds are hot, but the bike cops are not…

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 2:07 am

Florida: Where America goes to die.

emmelemm August 27, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Nick is my hero of the day.

Arborista August 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I hope Nick survives the Convention.

Jus_Wonderin August 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I know. It worries me a bit too.

emmelemm August 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm

That's why he's my hero.

SorosBot August 27, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Who had the bright idea to hold the convention in Florida during hurricane season, anyway?

metamarcisf August 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The alternative was Buffalo in January

Beowoof August 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Having lived in both, Buffalo would be my choice. Great wings, good beer, and always good weather for snuggling under the covers with someone special.

finallyhappy August 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Michael Steele- and that is why he was not invited- couldn't be the blah thing, I guess

ChernobylSoup August 27, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Put on a nun's habit just to see what happens.

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"K-Lo? Didn't I leave you in the dungeon?"

elviouslyqueer August 27, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Add a strap-on to that get-up and voila! Instant Rick Santorum costume.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 27, 2012 at 4:38 pm

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You must be cautious.

emmelemm August 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Let's just say you wouldn't find me drinking 3 glasses of Sauvignon Blanc at a party of Republicans. Rapey rape rape ahoy!

Preferred Customer August 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Maybe three mini-bottles, so long as I chugged each all in one gulp and broke the seal on each one personally.

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 2:08 am

These are not the Republicans you are looking for…

Hammiepants August 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

That's not a dude, that's that new Muppet, RoofieBear.

Antispandex August 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"We flew all night. For once, we actually look our age, and nobody evinces any shock at all about our almost-40-ness. "

In Florida, 40 is the new 20. In no time at all you should be dripping in 70 year old sugar daddies…or, you know, with the weather there, just dripping. Enjoy!

SorosBot August 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Considering that the average age in Florida is eligible for Social Security and Medicare, Rebecca should still look very young by comparison.

Texan_Bulldog August 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Wonder if Brian was looking for hookers or blow?

hagajim August 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

(Male) hookers to blow.

smokefilledroommate August 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I always thought his last name should be Kildate or Kilwoman.

marconidarwin August 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Have you checked the gay bath-houses? Them places are free with an RNC delegate card, and almost certainly where the action is.

LibertyLover August 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

There and airport restrooms.

Tequila Mockingbird August 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Is there an award for "Most Punchable Face in Cable News"?

Lazy Media August 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

They retired it after Kilmeade won it five times straight Keith Olbermann made a run at it a couple times, but he's only punchable when he's on a particularly sanctimonious rant, or when he's doing some off-camera assholery involving his personal fraidy-cattedness.

Chet Kincaid_ August 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Olbermann…who did he used to be?

BerkeleyBear August 27, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Some kinda sports guy, wasn't he? Him and that annoying Dan Patrick dude who later had a sex change and became a race car driver?

Schmannnity August 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm

It's called the Tucker Carlson Cup.

Angry_Marmot August 27, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Double chins, one cup.

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 2:10 am

I think Lou Dobbs is at least an honorable mention, mostly because there is so much fucking surface area to choose from.

BerkeleyBear August 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Dear Editrix, be sure to tell all the drunk/hungover RNC types that Mitt is the asshole buddy of theirs who won't drink and smirks all the time because he was busy shaving eyebrows and drawing dicks on faces last night while they were passed out. From what I know of conventions, that makes him part of the oddball contingent that would ordinarily be shunned. Who knows – enough tequila shooters and they might decide to just say fuck it and nominate Ron Paul.

This cannot be stressed enough – he is a weird, asshole jerk. How the fuck can you trust a guy in his 60s who has never been drunk at least once? While I was skeptical of Bush's claims of detox, at least he never claimed to be so sanctimonious that he'd never even been tempted. That smacks of fanaticism, or at least pathology.

sbj1964 August 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Mitt is nothing more than Obama light.He has held the same positions at one time ,or another.Until the GOP told him what he really thinks?He is so fake.Rombama care?

b[redact]opple August 27, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Nick sounds awesome. How about a guest post?

Jus_Wonderin August 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

It does sound like we'd need to disable his caps lock though.

smokefilledroommate August 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

No texting and driving!

JustPixelz August 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Sooo … Florida's penis shape is ironic.

As for not tipping the cab driver, that is 100% in line for GO-Pee doctrine. It's their hard earned job-creating, tax subsidized money. They gotta keep it outta the hands of people who might spend it. No hand out, no hand up … they're all pretty much "talk to the hand".

hagajim August 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I fully expect a better rent-boy report tomorrow…after you sleuth tonight.

Callyson August 27, 2012 at 4:43 pm

The credential of the fourth was turned around, so there is no way to ever know.

Shhh…that's a top secret operative. I've already said too much.

Jus_Wonderin August 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"And the lady, from the Caribbean, twisted our towels into swans! "

Not to sound racist, but do check to make sure those were not real swans.

Lazy Media August 27, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Hey, Rebecca, shoot me an e-mail. I'm on my netbook, which doesn't have your e-mail in it, and I was wantin' to write somethin'. I sent something lame to tips@wonkette.com, but I figure you're too busy to look at that.

Exhausted66 August 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Wonkette convention posts: Now with only slightly more substance than actual convention!

MOG2410 August 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

And less fat!!!

Baconzgood August 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Nick? I doubt that was his real name.

smokefilledroommate August 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

It's probably something like Najib, but here in 'Merka, you're discouraged from using your ethnic given name lest it make some real 'Merkin idiot douchebag uncomfortable—especially if you're an A-rab.

MosesInvests August 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Actually, could very well have been Nick (Nicholas). A lot of Palestinian emigres are Christian-Hamas and Islamic Jihad are scaring the hell out of them.

Baconzgood August 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

"For once, we actually look our age, and nobody evinces any shock at all about our almost-40-ness."

They call those MILFS Rebecca. And they rock. Sexy and they aren't afraid to tell you, nay order you, how to give them pleasure.

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

In parts of Florida, 40 is GILFing already.

smokefilledroommate August 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

What if you don't have any kids? Can you still be a MILF? (I'm going to be 40 next week and I don't have any children, so I was just wonderin').

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 5:07 pm

We'll need nakes to pass judgement. It's not the "M" that matters, it's the "ILF" bit.

You already have a leg up (photo hint): you post here, which automatically makes you teh sexay.

BerkeleyBear August 27, 2012 at 6:02 pm

That is why cougar took over – less hung up on the motherhood, more clearly about a certain level of experience.

Because there are 16 yr olds who are moms, but they should never get lumped in with the original MILF idea, which was which of a teenaged boy's friends' moms he'd like to usher him into manhood.

Beowoof August 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Somehow I expect many bars in Tampa will look like the Mos Isely Cantina by the end of each evening the republicans are in town.

FlownOver August 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Most frequently overheard statement (pretty much a mantra, actually): "Hey! We don't serve their kind here!"

Chet Kincaid_ August 27, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Is Mos Isley the one with the silky smooth ballad voice, the gruff-voiced funk growler, or the bandana-wearing Hendrix imitator? Sorry, wrong pop-culture reference.

Negropolis August 28, 2012 at 2:12 am

And, the Mos Isely catina had it's own Stand Your Ground law, too.

ChrisM2011 August 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Fifty shades of ew.

Blueb4sinrise August 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Possible Friedman-like books……
The World is Hot, Sweaty and Drunk
The Python and the Editrix
Longdudes with Attitudes

punkneverdies August 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

How come Nick didn't go on MSNBC and whine relentlessly about how that republican lady should have sat there and listened to all of his ranting and still should have tipped because freedom?

Callyson August 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Wait–are these really the results of the poll on the right hand side of this article?

How closely are you following coverage of the 2012 Republican National Convention?
16% Very closely
23% Somewhat closely
61% Not closely at all

But think of all the snarking you can do and the drinking games you can have!

Baconzgood August 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I don't need no stinking games to get shit faced. Getting plowed is a serious matter.

Arborista August 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'm waiting for the Convention to start before I begin to not follow the coverage.

Rotundo_ August 27, 2012 at 5:31 pm

If you have a fondness for sausage, or respect for the law, you should never witness either being created. Political conventions are the equivalent of a goof reel of a slaughterhouse in terms of entertainment and enlightenment.

Baconzgood August 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I pray that you tossed the butt at him.

mavenmaven August 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Brian will look better in an hour or so after he changes into his own Super Hero latex outfit.

iamrrm August 27, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I pay the outrageous Wonkette subscription fee for this kind of reporting? (Also, why do I have to pay again for the Kindle version?)

Angry_Marmot August 27, 2012 at 6:29 pm

When the uh, Wonkette representative was on the phone, you gave them your credit card number, didn't you honey?

iamrrm August 27, 2012 at 6:42 pm

At first it was a school kid selling subscriptions at the door, then they start auto-renewing your ass and your stuck subscribing for life.

fawkedifiknow August 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Believe me Becca, you'd be posting throw- up-in-your-own-lap emoticons already, if the convention had started on time.

SayItWithWookies August 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

When Liberace was older, he had had so many facelifts that his eyes literally would not shut and he had to put eyedrops in them every few hours, even at night, so they didn't dry out. Brian Kilmeade looks like that's happening to his mouth too — does he always look like a local newscaster introducing a story about a dog that dialed 911 when its owner fell down the stairs?

weejee August 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Becca, any chance you and Ginger Jim can sneak into to balloon bomb bay over at the hall and replace the balloons with ginormous Cheetos™?

Calapine August 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I bet 10$ (which I don't have) that when the convention ends the Wonkette team hotel room looks like the set of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

James Michael Curley August 27, 2012 at 5:58 pm

At $36 a night in the Tampa area it probably looked like that when she checked in.

kittensdontlie August 27, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Ten thousand says that post-convention Wonkette team looks worse than their hotel room(just kidding!).

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Hey, Editrix? Any word yet on who's throwing out the first epithet? I've got a side bet in Vegas, but I can still change it.

ingloriousbytch August 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Take a cue from the magic vaginas and "just shut that whole thing down."

bibliotequetress August 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Kinda hoping the the storm hitting Tampa now is a biblical act of God to drown all of the Republicans & purify the world. So, editrix, please empty your minibar, grab a floatation device ( Brian Kilmeade comes to mind) and a white dove and prepare for Jeebus' wrath.

iamrrm August 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Please Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the saints let Nick the Palestinian Taxi-Man pick up crazy Victoria Jackson, and God, I know I don't believe in you, but if you are real will you please have crazy Vicky YouTube her cab ride with Sainted Nick? Thank you and amen.

Ps. If that's all too much to ask (though I never ask you for any other damned thing) could Nick just run up on the sidewalk a little and clip Victoria with his bumper inadvertently pushing her in front of some Republican's speeding automobile? XO

Rotundo_ August 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

It's Victoria Jackson we're talking about here, why risk a stain on your cab? If it were Nugent, it might be worth a dent, and if it were Limbaugh it might be worth a front clip, but Victoria Jackson isn't worth farting in the general direction of: Save it for the elevator with Newt or Kilmeade or some other more deserving person. Victoria is just stupid and confused not truly malevolent

iamrrm August 27, 2012 at 5:50 pm

True. There are far more worthy manslaughter candidates in Tampa right now but Victori-uh was conveniently hanging on the street corners. Might as well pick her off on the way.

barto August 27, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Good thing Tom didn't get that cabbie or he would have twisted it into another column about needing a third party cab company, or something.

pdiddycornchips August 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm

'Becca is at least doing what every good reporter has done since they began having these conventions in the back of covered wagons. She's getting drunk and planning sex-capades. CNN and MSNBC have unleashed their talking bobbleheads with scripts and whatnot. It's so fucking boring.

A quick word about Mr. Kilmeade. You may want to target someone else. I don't think he hits both ways and we all know which way he's most comfortable hitting.

Chet Kincaid_ August 27, 2012 at 5:24 pm

God's plan is to shrink this Republican Convention down until it's small enough to drown in a bathtub. God just thinks he's Grover Norquist.

Chet Kincaid_ August 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm

See, this "Nick" is like the Nail Lady — you know, those who don't have the proper education to vote.

An_Outhouse August 27, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Take some pictures of the lizards.

miss_grundy August 27, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Capture some palmetto bugs and unleash them on Republicans, like in an elevator, or a bathroom stall. Those things are huge and they can fly!

imissopus August 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Don't badmouth miscegenation, Rebecca. It is what has made this country the glorious melting pot it is, a thought that puts all those RNC folks surrounding you into a frothing rage. Which is always fun.

Chet Kincaid_ August 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Hey Editrix, here's an Adventure Tip: If Chris Christie starts rolling down a narrow hallway toward you, just jump on top of him and start running in the opposite direction, log-roll style. You'll be a'ight.

James Michael Curley August 27, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Time to recount again the time I saw him having to squeeze his way out of a Cadillac Escalade. SchllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulPPP!

savethispatient August 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Today, we are all Nick.

DahBoner August 27, 2012 at 6:05 pm

See?

I predicted this CONvention would be your Swan Towel…

BZ1 August 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Who holds a convention in a hurricane-prone place?

Angry_Marmot August 27, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Buzzards?

Barrelhse August 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm

What do you smoke?

rocktonsam August 27, 2012 at 7:03 pm

most punchable face ever

Limeylizzie August 27, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Show Nick your tits, he deserves that much, at least.

fuflans August 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

i will be staging your encounter with nick from palastine for my next audition.

delicious.

avrynicebarkeep August 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm

I would have had that sandwich heated up for ya dontcha know! ;)

blatherous August 27, 2012 at 9:52 pm

How Rude!

Oh, wait…

ttommyunger August 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

First Victoria Jackson, now Brian. Looks like we've got the "I think I'm pretty cute, but I honestly don't have a clue" ground covered.

actor212 August 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm

see: Tax cuts create jobs

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