secret weather plots

A Children’s Treasury of Contrarian Republican Commentary on Hurricane Isaac

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Secretly awesome?What is Hurricane Isaac to certain more outspoken member of the Republican party? A disaster, perhaps, that could destroy the northern Gulf Coast yet again? Maybe it’s an Obama Commerce Department conspiracy. Or a welcome opening of the skies that keeps Joe Biden away. Or maybe it’s nothing, and no one should give a shit, as long as Republicans win the election. Let’s share some Republican “takes” on Hurricane Isaac, the official storm of RNC2K12.

Rush Limbaugh has a theory about Hurricane Isaac; let’s post it again. Limbaugh is very clear, while delivering his conspiracy theory, that he is not delivering a conspiracy theory:

Rush Limbaugh, while repeatedly insisting he is “not alleging a conspiracy,” suggested Monday that the National Hurricane Center’s forecast models for Tropical Storm Isaac were altered to help President Barack Obama and “cast a pall” over the Republican National Convention.

“I’m not alleging conspiracies here. The Hurricane Center is the regime; the Hurricane Center is the Commerce Department,” Limbaugh said on his talk show. “It’s the government. It’s Obama.”

But according to Ted Cruz, then, isn’t the evil Obama Commerce Department doing Republicans a favor? “We have some many things to be thankful for, so many blessings,” Cruz said at yesterday’s Faith and Freedom Coalition gathering in Tampa. “We can be thankful for Hurricane Isaac. If nothing else it kept Joe Biden away.”

Rep. Darrell Issa said he “doesn’t care” about a hurricane ruining everything, as long as he can turn it into a terrible metaphor about Republicans regaining control of the White House:

“I think what you have to remember is Republicans are going to take Washington by storm on January 20th of next year, so if this is the first storm of Republicans taking control of our country again, making America competitive again, I’m fine with that. I don’t care if we get blown in by a hurricane or a tornado, ultimately there’s going to be an earthquake in Washington next January.”

And with that, all opinions about Hurricane Isaac have been offered.

[Politico, Buzzfeed, Politico]

Sponsored Intermission

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    … and this is Obama's fault, right?

    • Biff

      You had to ask?

    • SavageDrummer

      He's Storm. Barack Obama is just his secret identity, he's really an African princess with the mutant power to control the weather… You should see him with his weave, uhh… girlfriend!

      • Fare la Volpe

        That does explain why his hair has been going white so fast.

    • just_a_head

      Of course. If a bitterly flaps its wings in the Sahara it can cause a volcano to erupt, yada yada

      Same thing…if a fascist, commie, black man is born in Kenya…same thing.

      • tessiee

        Not to nitpick, but I think it's kinda funny that in a comment about the Republicans bitching and moaning about Obama yet again, you typed "butterfly" as "bitterly".

        • Arborista

          And I read it as 'bitterfly'… Go figure.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I thought it was *deliberate.* Damn, Wonketz, u r 2 CLEVER 4 MEEEE!

        • just_a_head

          Whoopsie! I'd blame autocorrect for that one, but it was probably Freudian.

          Butterfly!

    • tessiee

      You know that stiff neck you woke up with the other day?
      Obama's fault.
      And that extra three pounds that just appeared out of nowhere?
      Totally Obama's fault.
      And that dickhead who wouldn't let you merge onto the freeway?
      Taking orders directly from the Kenyan muslin.
      etc.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If you're going to speculate that Barack Obama has his hands on HAARP and can somehow control or even influence severe weather, it might be a good idea to try to get on his good side, instead of pissing him off.

      Just sayin'. After all, these are the asshats who pray to get in God's good graces ahead of tornado season or hurricane season or blizzard season or…or just after the indictment's been handed up.

  • bumfug

    Rep. Darrell Issa said “I think what you have to remember is Republicans are going to take Washington by storm on January 20th…"
    Well, sorta like a storm – they'd definitely leave devastation in their wake.

    • Sparky McGruff

      Darrell Issa knows about taking things. If Obama leaves the window open, Darell will hotwire the election and drive it off to a chop shop.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Man, that deserves to be tattooed on someone. Like Darrell Issa. WIth votes.

  • YouBetcha

    I'm sure there will be many attendees taking shelter in Tampa's fine homosexual-populated-adult-beverage-serving establishments.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, hell to the yeah. Street hustlers are totes excited about this because the Repubs like to flash cash.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        HI Z!!!!!!!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Hey, sweetpea! So glad to see youse! (Hugs the little star, kisses each cheek)

          Is the Republican meltdown fun or wut? You got popcorn? (proffers bowl)

          • vtxmcrider

            Etiquette requires that the popcorn come out awhile after the bowl has been passed and taken effect.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            You waited this long to light up, man?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Dood!

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            *Hugs teh Z back. I luuuurves me a good republican meltdown. Is that carmel popcorn?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            We can do whatever your heart desires, li'l lady! Hahahaha. Dang, this is so fun. Today is JanBrewerMeltdownDay, YAAY!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Electric Six was made for this moment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulPgWVC08KI

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    You forgot Michele Bachmann!

    • no_gravity

      Something Rush Limbaugh has never seen.

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      The link is here. I was trying to fix it when someone replied, damnit:

      "At this moment in time we're quite literally looking at a hurricane here in Florida. We're looking at a political hurricane in this country. We are looking at a spiritual hurricane in our land. And it is time for each one of us to show up and suit up and stand up and realize that in this time and in this day we pour it out for Him."

      • Callyson

        Yeah–I know I'm praying for a hurricane (of votes!) to wipe out the Reeps…

      • Biff

        Wait, what? She's pouring out a 40 for who, now?

      • Nostrildamus

        Careful, Michele. Watch out for flying houses.

        • Neoyorquino

          That curly-feet bit creeps me out, every time.

      • SavageDrummer

        "What in the hell is that woman talking about?" – What I say every time I hear Michele Bachman talk.

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        I'm ready to "suit up'" for the convention. Now where did I put my Speedo?

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Is she showing one and all the size of Marcus' corn dog?

        • SavageDrummer

          Marcus hasn't ever let her see that… No, Marcus is a good christian man and he won't allow his god fearin' wife to see his penis until 6 months after he's dead.. That's in the bible!

          (Note: His buddies are allowed to come over and play with it all the time because that's just good christian fun!)

  • no_gravity

    Rush Limbaugh is a fat, fucking idiot.

    QED

  • SorosBot

    It looks kind of like a misshapen conical dick.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Limbaugh?

      • SorosBot

        Who knows; under that FUPA I doubt anyone has seen what that dick looks like in half a century.

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          I just meant Limbaugh himself.

        • miss_grundy

          And who would want to????? Ick, ick, idk…..

    • Callyson

      Or part of a woman's anatomy:

      http://weknowawesome.com/2012/08/27/giant-uterus-

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That'll get the Republicans to run away screaming.

      • tessiee

        And why wouldn't a giant uterus be headed directly for Florida? It's America's Wang.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      'Conical Dong'– think of it as a sequel to Tubular Bells.

  • The_Lucky_Wife

    That Kenyan usurper in the WH have got the Gopers so off-balance, they can't stay on message like they used to. Their opinions are all over the place; it's actually quite refreshing, or would be if they used their brains when forming their opinions.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Luntz didn't have enough time to poll this and give them the right thing to say.

      • SavageDrummer

        Most recent memo by Luntz: Just say whatever on rape, what's the worst that could happen?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I knew Barry controlled the weather! Yay!

    • Biff

      So he's to blame for this nearly 120 damned degree heatwave in this god forsaken desert, too?

      • bobbert

        Man, it's been hot even up here in the low foothills. Fucking Obammaz.

        (Although it cooled off a bit today — probably Bamz snickering about the cancellation of the first day of the RNC).

    • WhatTheHeck

      I tell you, this man Obama is so powerful, I’m scared. Its like he’s the god of hellfire.

      • bobbert

        Arthur Brown LIBEL!

        • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

          OT, but true: a friend was in a Kmart years ago when this song came up in the Muzak rotation on the PA. "I am the god of hellfire! And I bring you [beep] "SHOES!" [beep]…" and the song continued.

    • Negropolis

      Yes, but does he also control the weather underground…?

      • anniegetyerfun

        It is well known that he pals around with terrorists.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Above ground, underwater — he controls that shit ERwhere!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Barack Obama is Storm from the X-Men.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    I'm confused. So are they saying it's Obama's fault or are they calling it the wrath of God coming down to sweep the Republicans into power in which case, shouldn't it have hit Broward County and not Tampa?

  • MissTaken

    I don’t care if we get blown in by a hurricane or a tornado, ultimately there’s going to be an earthquake in Washington next January.”

    Rule #1 of living in earthquake country: We Don't Fuck Around With Earthquake Jokes

    • orygoon

      No shit. (Hugs MissTaken in a way meant to be comforting, and yet scared.)

    • Guppy

      Earthquake country? Is that NoVa?

      • Biff

        Prolly more like SoMa.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Will anyone outside California understand that?

          • GemlikeFlame

            No. However, the big pharma conspiracy theorists are almost certainly going to conflate it with Prozac.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            More insider humour. So wry.

          • GemlikeFlame

            Shhh, explaining it kills the joke. Just doing my part to make everybody's day a little more surreal.

            I have thirty freshmen about to attempt their first class on Game Theory, pray for me.

            Upon further reflection, don't.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            We could come over there and exterminate them. With paintball. For the lulz.

          • GemlikeFlame

            Not until Mommy and Daddy's check clears, svp.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Mais oui, cher, certainement.

          • GemlikeFlame

            It is my distinct pleasure to announce that I finally have a single follower. It took me several hours deconstructing HTML to figure out who it was so that I could return the favor, and found, to my untrammeled and thoroughly egotistical delight that it is our very own MittBorg. I have rarely had that kind of compliment, and would be even more delighted if IntenseDebate's follow-this-person link actually did what it was advertised to do. Perhaps IntenseDebate dislikes Safari, not sure, but I'll try another browser or two on the morrow.

            Thank you, sir/ma'am, you made an aging nerd very happy. I'm equally sure this won't do my reputation meter any good, but I am way past caring about that.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Dood, it's my undiluted pleasure being as how you are delightfully argumentative and well armed with facts, not to mention witty in the extreme. I am so looking forward to a long, delightful, mutually entertaining relationship, also too. Us aging nerds have to stick together 'n shit.

            ID doesn't like any browser AFAIK. Hey, man, it's GREAT for your reputation to be followed around by a Borg. Simply great. Just stay well out of assimilating distance.

    • Warpde

      I hear you.
      Those damn Fracking Earthquakes suck big time.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I thought hurricanes were reserved for gays and heathens. I guess god just doesn't give a shit anymore.

    • Biff

      Let the indiscriminate smitings begin!

    • SavageDrummer

      It's almost as though this "god" person doesn't exist or if (s)he does that (s)he doesn't have any control over the weather or… well… much of anything else…

      But that couldn't be!

      • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

        They say this God works in mysterious ways — it's a kind of cosmic "Get out of jail free" card which means they can say any damned thing about him that comes into their heads.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Au contraire, I'd say god is displaying a convincing bias TOWARDS gays and heathens and against these fucking louts who have been trying to convince the rest of us they speak in its name.

      • SavageDrummer

        Seems just as, if not more, likely…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying the Republican meltdown, because it would totally fucking ruin my reputation here of being, you know, a *nice* guy.

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Maybe this shows that the Republican Party is made up of gays and heathens.

      It is all starting to make sense.

      Or perhaps it is that whole "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven" thing.

    • Toomush_Infer

      God is just chaotic….wild….

    • Negropolis

      Since when has the modern Republican Party not been populated by (closet) gays and (closet) heathens?

  • coolhandnuke

    Hurricane Isaac is a wingnut's conspiracy theory of the black man giving whitey the "Shaft." Just like "Katrina and the Waves" was another conspiracy to show how clueless and aloof Bush II was.

    • SorosBot

      They know who's a sex machine with all the chicks. (Can you dig it?)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, I'd LERVE to give these mofux the shaft till they scream "Just the tip!" They need the mother and father of an asskicking, and it looks like Mother Nature has decided to deliver it herself.

      • SavageDrummer

        Borg, please… for your own sake… at LEAST triple bag before shafting any of these degenerates…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          HAHAHA, you're kidding, right? Because I was planning on doing them with Ann Coulter's dick.

          • bobbert

            You seem to be feeling pretty spry today.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'm enjoying the fuck out of watching the Republicans melt down live, en masse, in public. I've waited nearly TWELVE YEARS to see these fuckers get their comeuppance, and it is SWEET.

          • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

            Not even with someone else's dick. It is tempting though to" sell them a rat's asshole as a wedding ring" (if that wasn't such a Republican thing to do).

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            It would look so *perfect* on their stubby, podgy, money-grubbing little fingers, though.

          • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

            Hey! They're not all "short-fingered Vulgarians"– some of them are long-fingered reptiles.

          • Arborista

            And some just have tentacles…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Now you're just straight-out dissing Cephalopods, man, and we can't have that.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            (still laughing and re-reading)

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Basically, Obama is Cobra Commander with his weather dominator and the GOPers are G.I. Joe with Glory Hole Grip.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      Most excellent comment, Dude! I read it an hour ago and I'm still laughing.

  • Trannysurprise

    "I don’t care if we get blown…"

    Oh someone's getting blown in Tampa. I guess it's better than "forcible rape" since people got all pissy about it.

    • miss_grundy

      It's just a shame that we have such a spineless media, because it would be wonderful to catch these people doing all sorts of nasty stuff while they were in Tampa and broadcasting it on the internet and all those news shows.

  • BarackMyWorld

    One less day of misquoting Obama and claiming lower taxes are God's will. Yay.

  • nounverb911

    Wait! Didn't Issa steal Isaac's hub caps back in the day?

    • Biff

      Isaac, the hilarious bartender from the Love Boat? Nooooo!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      And he sold them to his cousin Dough-Bro to make resonator guitars.

      • bobbert

        I wasn't going to reply to this stretch, but since no one else has, I'll just slide in this comment.

      • Biff

        Doe that make them National-ists?

      • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        An Open-ly G-rand comment!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        DTIDSWYDT.

  • sbj1964

    GOP weather forecast stupid followed by heavy down pours of fucktard.Winds blowing from they're asses,heavy chops to Medicare,and a huge tidal surge of tax cuts for the super wealthy.

  • salt_bagel

    Issa: "I also hear the hired boys of Tampa are volcanically hot."

  • el_donaldo

    You missed this flake.

    • SavageDrummer

      When did Mimi Bobeck become a pastor?

    • mavenmaven

      I was waiting for the first repub to say how God specifically saved the convention from the storm.

      • WhatTheHeck

        But god doesn’t see fit to save the people in the direct path of Isaac, does he? I guess no one is praying for them.

        • SavageDrummer

          Nobody prays for poors…

          • PubOption

            They can't afford the postage to get their message across.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            You know how the deity is. HAHAHAHAHA!

          • Biff

            Well, I do now!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            The whole series is on YouTube, you know. (Eyes Biff reproachfully)

          • Biff

            Living, as I do, on the very edge of Hell, I don't have a lot of bandwidth to mess around on the youtubes much…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Aw, Biffster! (hugs the Biff) Dammit, why won't people just give the fuck up and elect me god? I would SO take care of the whole world and every creature in it.

          • WhatTheHeck

            Mitt, That was hilario…
            Wait, there’s a call on my cell from mr. Deity.
            He told me to never call again.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I'm tellin' ya. The guy is COLD.

          • glasspusher

            Awesome. Although, I wiped out big time on my bike yesterday- nothing broken, but I'm pretty fucked up. Why does Mr Deity hate me?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Aw, ouch, man, sorry to hear that. Hope you're icing or heating or whatever's needed.

            FWIW, Mr. Deity hates EV'body. GP.

          • glasspusher

            Yeah, icing everything and meds. We shall overcome!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            On the PLUS side, this is a great opportunity to catch up with all the seasons of Mr. Deity!

          • bikerlaureate

            What kind of bike is it?

            Mr. Deity has standards.

          • glasspusher

            It's a folding bike I've had for 9 years. First time it's folded when it wasn't supposed to…

          • viennawoods13

            Very nice! Thank you!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Innit, though. (beams)

    • Toomush_Infer

      So it can hit those worthless blahs in New Orleans again, (see God's Wrath, above)….

    • bobbert

      I wonder how the folks in, say, Biloxi, will respond to this news.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        They gon' be lovin' them some Rev. Dumbfuck.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      I'm sure that worked, so now it's up to some god-awful bible church in Mississippi/Louisiana to pray it over to Houston/Galveston, who can punt it on to Mexico to become "What hurricane?".

  • Lucidamente1

    I'm surprised they haven't gone with the "God shifted the storm west so it didn't hit Tampa" line.

    • SorosBot

      …yet.

    • PubOption

      See el_donaldo above.

      • Lucidamente1

        Oops.

        • Native_of_SL_UT

          Well at least your not surprised anymore. More like Prophetic.

    • ShuCityRefugee

      I understand that Rev. Pat Robertson has said precisely that – the very same Rev. Robertson whom God keeps alive so that sane people can laugh at him and remember why not to vote for Republicans.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    ultimately there’s going to be an earthquake in Washington next January

    The Seattle Wonkette drinky thing with the Editrix is being postponed? Becca you said sometime in September???

  • Nostrildamus

    I don’t care if we get blown in by a hurricane or a tornado

    We shall be blown on the beaches, we shall be blown on the landing grounds, we shall be blown in the fields and in the streets, we shall be blown in the hills; we shall never reach around !!

    • SavageDrummer

      I will stand on record as saying that I will get blown on the beaches, I will get blown on the landing grounds, I will get blown in the fields and in the streets, I will be blown in the hills….

      So… who's offering?

  • BlueStateLibel

    "I don’t care if we get blown in by a hurricane or a tornado"

    That makes two of us.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Oh, a mighty wind's a-blowin'..
    It's blowin' you and me

    • bobbert

      In my dreams.

    • viennawoods13

      Great movie.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Much preferable when Bush had no fucking clue NO was about to be drowned while he ate cake, played pretend guitar, and had to have his staff prepare a DVD of collected news broadcasts to get "the Decider" up to speed.

    And you are correct. There is no way anybody would be crass enough to presume that the people advising Bush might have had drowning NO on their agenda to be a case study on how little we need "wasteful government programs."

  • Pithaughn

    Crikey! Will someone please get on the blower to Obama's Regime Weather Hurricane Office and find out is this or is this not a legitimate hurricane? And don't you believe any of those science analyzing types, you make sure to speak to a supervisor!

    • SavageDrummer

      We'll know in a month or so if it was legitimate if Florida winds up pregnant…

      • LibertyLover

        You'd think with all of the viagra in that state, it would be able to get it up a little higher.

    • CindynEncinitas

      This is not a question for "science" it is a question for Miss Cleo.

  • LibrarianX

    Is it wrong to hope that 50,000 people will be swept out to sea?

    • RedneckMuslin

      Think of them as a corporation, my friend.

  • RadioBowels

    Who the hell can fuck in this weather?

    • SavageDrummer

      Find me 3 or 4 brave womenfolk and I will give 'er the old college try!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not ME, dood. I'm just minding my own beeswax over here.

    • not that Dewey

      I suppose, if you got all gussied up, it might be possible.

      • RadioBowels

        These are the winds that come with the tropical hurricane.

        • not that Dewey

          These are the coconuts falling on your head.

          • RadioBowels

            This is the rain that comes with the tropical hurricane.

  • orygoon

    Oh, great. Now it's "let 'em eat earthquake."

    Must consult the rhyming dictionary to find out what's next.

    • SorosBot

      What's next? Well after it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane – Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn, world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs. Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, The ladder starts to clatter with fear fight down height. Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site. Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped. Look at that low playing! Fine, then. Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched. It's the end of the world as we know it.

      • orygoon

        They're rioting in Africa, they're starving in Spain.
        There's hurricanes in Florida, and Texas needs rain.
        The whole world is festering with unhappy souls.
        The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles.
        Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch.
        And I don't like anybody very much!

        But we can be tranquil, and thankful, and proud,
        For mans' been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud.
        And we know for certain that some lovely day
        Someone will set the spark off, and we will all be blown away.

        They're rioting in Africa, there's strife in Iran.
        What nature doesn't do to us, will be done by our fellow man.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Wasn't that the Kingston Trio version?….

    • Arborista

      Beefcake, please…

      • LibertyLover

        Pattycake

  • RadioBowels

    Hurricane Isaac Party!
    Who has the safety glasses concession?

  • mcrummett

    "I don’t care if we get blown in by a hurricane or a tornado…" OK, so the GOP is good with all the damage Isaac is sure to cause? Way to work for the people! Hurricane/Tornado 2012!

  • Beowoof

    Art Bell seems to have given his empire over to Rush.

    • SavageDrummer

      Art Bell is moderately entertaining… Rush is just insane…

      Yeah, I listen to Coast to Coast, sue me… :P

      • Biff

        I can see the beacon lights flashing atop Art's antenna array, about 7 or 8 miles away. He sold his radio station, but still has his compound.

    • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

      Think of it this way, Art Bell ("Coast to Coast w/ George Noury?) is the whole of Weekly World News, Rush Limbaugh is just Ed Anger.

  • Arborista

    That Issa guy is heavy into his stormtrooper fantasies…

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer
    • SavageDrummer

      I KNEW the blahs were to blame!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Aren't they *always*?

    • Biff

      Chef!

      • tessiee

        "Now, remember, children — a football is like a beautiful woman."

  • TootsStansbury

    Rust Cornhole really thinks the NWS manipulated the weather models? He does realize there are other models than American ones right? What an insufferable butthole.

  • elviouslyqueer

    As someone whose various family members have survived Betsy, Camille, Rita, Gustav, and Katrina, I feel that I can safely say to all these pin-headed shitholes:

    Fuck the motherfucking fucking fuck off, you fetid assbaskets. Enjoy Hell, also, too.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      If I didn't know better, I'd think you were a tad *bothered* by the assfuckery of the Republican party.

      ETA: Hoping you and all your family are safe.

    • bobbert

      I was supposed to report for active duty in Biloxi on the day Camille came ashore. I stopped in Jackson and went to Biloxi the day after, figuring nobody would care (they didn't — I probably could have waited a week, but then I would have missed the dead horses).

      My point, such as it is — hurricanes, like earthquakes and tornadoes, are not fucking metaphors, and if this one happens to miss those fuckers in Tampax, it's gonna hit somebody else. Happily, it sounds like it'll only be a Cat 2.

      • Arborista

        It's a BIG fuckin' storm, though (we're getting occasional stray rain bands here in SC) so I hope all our Wonketteers stay safe.

        As for only being Cat 2, I'll just leave this here as a reminder: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tropical_Storm_Allis

        • bobbert

          Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that a Cat 2 couldn't cause damage. Just that it probably won't carry freighters a half mile inland.

          • Arborista

            Sorry- I didn't intend to sound reproachful- I didn't think you were saying a Cat 2 wasn't dangerous.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yes, all good thoughts to you and yourn and everyone else in the hurricane's path. Good thing is, state & Fed govt seem to be on top of this already, with lots of people jumping in to help others out. Obama has signed the emergency declaration for LA, and NOLA seems prepared.

  • kittensdontlie

    Issa transcript reworked by NYT for greater clarity: "What will feel like hurricanes will blow us from the right, and tornadoes blow us from the left, until we can take no more blowing, and are left quaking in our airport restroom stalls. We will bring competitive blowing to Washington this winter, taking the city by storm."

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    And with that, all opinions about Hurricane Isaac have been offered.

    Let's see — we've got conspiracy theory, extended clumsy metaphor, divine wrath, redemption from divine wrath, just plain stupid — wait, something's missing. What could it be? Oh yeah — science.

  • Limeylizzie

    OT But much more adorable than the GOP http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/7876564

    • SavageDrummer

      Is that your newbie? AWWW CUTE!

      • Limeylizzie

        It's my stepdaughter's first baby, I am so smitten!

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      adorable.

    • PsycWench

      So cute! And I'm not kidding, I felt love rays emanating from the photo, there was so much love directed at that baby.

    • bobbert

      "I'm asleep, dammit. I'll accept your adoration later."

      Congrats to all.

    • miss_grundy

      Welcome to the world, Dakota! Lots of love and happiness, always!!!!!!

    • Arborista

      Welcome to the Garden of Earthly Delights.
      Welcome to a billion Arabian nights.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      BIRDS!

      • Limeylizzie

        My beloved Goldfinches! Aren't they beautiful? You are such an avian lover.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

    • MosesInvests

      Llongyfarchiadau!

      • Limeylizzie

        Yes, Nos Da.

    • fartknocker

      This so reminds me of the birth of daughters. My wife looked at me after I brought each of them home on the 3rd or 6th day (complications with the 2nd daughter Loretta) and said "they learn hate." I'm proud of my daughters and I am proud for you Limey. Just don't let them learn hate. Celebrate these moments and mark every calender with birthdays and holidays.

      I hope Mr. Limeylizzie health is well. And thank you for sharing this with all of us. It's a special moment.

  • Rotundo_

    Having a natural disaster in the middle of a man-made (literally, since no one on the platform comittee was equipped with a vagina) disaster might be enough to convince folks of the existence of some sort of supreme deity. It'll take a whole bunch of lightning bolts in fat spotty white asses to make the sale for me. But if that happened, I would be at the church door the next morning wallet open.

    • SavageDrummer

      Hey, it's super SUPER easy for Christians to prove that they're right…

      Just have their god come down and tell us that they're right… Like.. perform a few miracles create a universe y'know, pedestrian stuff for a god… Just have him come down and do it… That shouldn't be too complicated, right?

      • miss_grundy

        I don't think God is very much into these people, after all Jesus said the "meek will inherit the earth" and these jerks aren't paying attention to anything He said.

  • sudsmckenzie

    nawww, … meant for lizzie

  • Misty Malarky

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Obama and the Hurricane Center TOTALLY punk'd the GOP!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      They're RLY going to hate Science now.

  • ElPinche

    APPARANTLY YOU LIBS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAARP IS AND THE GLOBAL POWER OBAMA AND NWO HAVE OVER CLIMATIC FREEDOM.

    • Crank_Tango

      CHEMTRAILS!!!!

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      No one but me has control over my climatic freedom.

      • bobbert

        This reminds me of one of my favorite ecology terms: "Climax Forest".

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yes? (connects recording devices)

        • bikerlaureate

          They did "Precious and Few" about ninety years ago, right?

    • StarsUponThars

      Maybe not, but I can spell "apparently" without looking it up.

      • ElPinche

        IM NOT A SLAVE TO AUTOCORREKSHUN!!

    • LibertyLover

      That was certainly anti-climatic.

    • glamourdammerung

      Needs moar Lizard People.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
    You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
    Till you have drench'd our steeples, drown'd the cocks!

    etc.

    • bobbert

      *Discreet "brava"*

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      If only.

    • OneYieldRegular

      What with all that blowing, drenching, cracking of cheeks and drowning of cocks, that kind of talk is absolutely unacceptable in Elements of Literature for Christian Schools. For shame.

  • Crank_Tango

    Hmm. plan a convention in Florida during hurricane season and blame Nobama for the hurricane. Those fuckers have some real chootzpah alright.

  • mavenmaven

    I suppose to the GOP hurricanes are just another form of urban planning, much like "rape is another method of conception" (in the words of Paul Ryan). http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-slansky-/paul-

    • Negropolis

      For New Orleans, Katrina was another form of very, very urban planning.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    How long until a Republican points out that "Issac" is often a black man's name?

    • bobbert

      Yeah, like that Isaac dude in the Bibble.

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        He was on Love Boat and in the Bible?

    • Steverino247

      That Rush is a dumb mutha…

      Watch your mouth!

      Just talkin' bout Rush!

    • tessiee

      Or one'a'them non-Christian types, if you know who I mean.

  • PsycWench

    "“I’m not alleging conspiracies here. The Hurricane Center is the regime; the Hurricane Center is the Commerce Department,” Limbaugh said on his talk show. “It’s the government. It’s Obama.”"

    Likewise, I am not commenting here. I am merely typing letters into the "post a new comment" box.

    • bobbert

      "I am not saying fuck you with a rusty chainsaw, Limbaugh; I am merely transmitting electrons into the intertubes."

  • Guppy

    Hurricane Isaac interrupts convention of men who like tying up young boys.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    There are many songs about wind…and movies about blowing.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I don’t care if we get blown in by a hurricane

    Yes, well, we've all known that about the GOP since August, 2005.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    You know Who Else liked to take countries by stürmen?

    • Arborista

      The Schutz-Staffel?

    • RadioBowels

      Bartenders?

      • Biff

        Enough with the Isaac/Love Boat thing,already!

        • RadioBowels

          Eye agree. Let's abstain from further hurricane discussion.

          BTW friend, that FZ quote is my favorite too. I also like "it's like punching an eclair."

          • Biff

            Not really bitching, it's what we do here–pick a meme and wear it out.I like almost anything FZ said or wrote. I only got to see him live once, at the Berkeley Repertory Theater in 1980. Pissed me off that Frank could smoke onstage, but I couldn't in the cheap seats…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Hey! I was THERE! We were smoking reefer in the back.

          • Biff

            I was drinking from my flask in the balcony. Good times!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Youth. Totally wasted on the young.

    • Negropolis

      The Beatles?

    • tessiee
  • rocktonsam

    these are shameless people who karma takes it time with. probably

    insufferable assholes

    • Beowoof

      Well it is the republican convention so it would mean they are insufferable assholes.

  • gullywompr

    Hurricanes have a liberal bias.

    • Negropolis

      Go to Nawlins and tell 'em that.

    • PubOption

      It did seem to turn to the left.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    “I think what you have to remember is Republicans are going to take Washington by storm on January 20th…"

    I don't think I've heard anyone call an unfortunate episode of explosive mouth diarrhea a "storm" before.

  • MonkeyMotion

    Issa should do something productive with his life: like pursue changing the hurricane's name from Issac to Ronald Reagan. Or sticking a fork in his eye. Dickwad.

    • bobbert

      Can we crowdsource this? 'Cause I'm up for the fork.

      • bikerlaureate

        One flay at a tine.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Not good enough. He should stick it through his eye into his brain and swirl it around for awhile.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Not like that would bother him in the slightest, since there's nothing *there.*

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Issa is still pissed that Schwarzenegger screwed him and the maid, but only the maid got a house.

  • iamrrm

    Just so long as it's not still a hurricane when it hits St. Louis, I'm good.

  • Warpde

    “I think what you have to remember is Republicans are going to take Washington by storm on January 20th"

    And we all know how Republicans deal with storms. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31ySL9ZHUiQ

  • Negropolis

    Kind of off topic, but you want to know how worried Republicans are about November? Just look at the Republican pollsters trolling in states that aren't even close, but polling them with samples that make them look close. There was another poll out of Michigan, today, by Mitchell Research that shows a tie. This has been a polling trolling this state for months trying to make it look close. These fuckers are absolutely terrified.

    • RadioBowels

      Fear of a black planet.

    • glamourdammerung

      If they were not terrified of losing so badly, there would not be the whole manufactured "voter fraud" meme (which of course requires disenfranchising non-whites, poors, etc.).

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      these are the comments that keep me coming back here like a bad addiction.

      everywhere else i turn (including today: the economist's american coverage) immediately makes me want to slit my wrists b/c, it's so bloody close.

      but it doesn't feel bloody close. but then what do i know?

      so. i come back here like a bad addiction.

      • Negropolis

        Again, only like two of the six or so regular pollsters that have polled here in Michigan show it tied. The two I'm talking about have routinely showed in tied for the last three months despite more reputable pollsters showing the president with a comfortable lead. There is NO WAY Michigan is closer than Ohio or Pennsylvania.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Yes, they are terrified, but they are also loaded with money and have demonstrated a willingness to play very, very dirty and to steamroll voter and civil rights to get what they want. The feces they've been throwing at Obama the last four years is nothing compared to what I expect to see in the next two months. Send $$, drive a neighbor to the polls, get Irish on your other neighbors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5OWRRJh-PI

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I understand they've gone from polling *registered* voters to *likely* voters to make it look like the gap is narrow.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      They need to keep the candidate credible, otherwise the base won't turn out and they could lose the House. But seriously, a Romney victory is downright scary.

    • tessiee

      "These fuckers are absolutely terrified."

      So am I, but not for the same reason:
      http://www.theonion.com/articles/admit-it-i-scare

  • dmnolan

    Issa, Issac, I A Sac. What's going on here? Because, nothing is happening somewhere yet.

  • dmnolan

    I'm thinking Ted Cruz is the new Marco Rubio. Sorry, Butch.

  • Beowoof

    I see the end of the drought in Tennessee.

  • obfuscator2

    i wish these moronic cockwagons would choose a narrative: is barry nobama a nefarious infiltrator secretly pulling the levers of power to destroy america or is he a hopelessly inept academic elitist who ain't never done no jorb kraytion?

    make up your fucking minds, please.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      i had this exact conversation with my (WSJ reading) mother last week. i would like to say there was less use of the term 'fuck' but that would be inaccurate.

    • RadioBowels

      Depends if you are in the bully or victim mode.

      • obfuscator2

        they can be in both modes at the same time. rove was on fox today spinning mittens and the birth certificate joke. turdblossom tried to dismiss the remark while also whining about how barry should have thanked mittens for not being an overt birther during the primaries(nevermind mittens fellating trump at every turn, obviously).

        • RadioBowels

          actually it's a running theory of mine about the ease these sociopaths swing from bully to victim and back again so seamlessly.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      See, there's your problem right there, assuming they have *minds* and shit.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • Negropolis

      And, yet, he'll be able to wiggle out of all of this flip-flopping since 40+% of Americans will vote for a ham sandwich if it has an "R" by its name.

      • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

        "Did I say not on the ballot??? I meant on the ballot."

        • RadioBowels

          "Did I say not for the bailout??? I meant for the bailout."

          • Arborista

            Did I say I'm flipping out??? I meant flopping out.

            (Just ask Ann about what I'm like when unzipped.)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Mycoxafloppin?

      • BarackMyWorld

        I think this might finally be a bridge too far.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I think the conjunction of his writing taxpayer-funded abortion into law with Romneycare and his reaping some $50 million in profits from Stericycle's disposal of the aborted fetii combined with the fact that he's courting the nutbaggiest of the RWNJ godbag vote is about to sink his ass in a glorious, tear-inducing, bosom-wracking meltdown of a spectacle.

          • RadioBowels

            I heard today one of the RWNJ's say, "the Democrats have cranked up the slander machine."

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            The hardcore RTLers are not happy at all, and they're starting to erupt with questions. I'm tellin' ya. It's just gonna get better.

          • Arborista

            Yes, how DARE those Dems repeat the words Republican candidates have said & use them as weapons against us?

          • tessiee

            As we all learned in law school, truth is an absolute defense to libel.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Republicans missed that class, too. Clashed with "religious instruction," I think.

      • Arborista

        Mitt had better be praying for excellent weather on Nov 6, because I don't know how many folks would brave bad weather to vote for someone they are so lukewarm about…

        If Milquetoast Mitt keeps saying shit like this, the one-issue (abortion-obsessed) voters might not be motivated to show up…

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          They're gonna be eyeing these statements with a mighty cynical eye.

          • Arborista

            I did know some evangelicals who were disillusioned by Bush somehow not getting Roe v Wade overturned after EIGHT years, & claimed they would show their discontent by either not voting, or voting for a third-party candidate of their own stripe.

            Of course, voting against Obama wasn't on their RADAR like it may be now…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            There are BLACK REPUBLICANS at the convention. BLACK FEMALE Republicans. And they're supporters of Todd Akin.

            Just kill me now.

        • tessiee

          "Mitt had better be praying for excellent weather on Nov 6, because I don't know how many folks would brave bad weather to vote for someone they are so lukewarm about…"

          Yeah, but there are plenty who would run barefoot through the sleet to vote *against* The Black Guy.

          • Arborista

            There were plenty who turned out to vote against him 4 years ago, also, too. But how many bitter old racists have died since then? And how many people who were terrified of Obama 4 years ago are still terrified?

            I dunno. The people who are loudest about their politics tend to be pretty extreme so it's hard for me to gauge.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Right now, Obama is beating Romney by 40 points or more among: Women; Latinos; Blacks. I don't think Romney can win the election with *just* the votes of white Republicans and teabaggers. Karl Rove is now openly calling for white Democrats to cross the lines and vote for Romney. They're not even bothering to hide it any more.

      • bikerlaureate

        Ham on white (R).

    • obfuscator2

      worst. campaigner. in. history.

    • Arborista

      I am but Mitt north-north-west. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      "It's not taking away your rights if you aren't yelling about it. Now lie still and this'll be over soon enough."

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    These conspiracy theories make me laugh!

    It's obviously the Moon Nazis churning up whirly-storms with their ocean waveguide weapons.

    • Negropolis

      I thought Apollo 11 was supposed to have defeated the Moon Nazis. My bad, Apollo 11 was filmed in an LA studio to convince Americans we had actually defeated the German menace on the moon. I have the hardest time keeping these conspiracy theories straight.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Re: Romney and Abortion tonight…. This is not surprising…. For a couple of years I worked in a high profile group under another business whiz (Carly Fiorina) and got to see the style and tactics of these phonies up close. Everything was always on the table, values meant nothing and promises to customers or anyone else were whatever you happened to fart out when you thought of it.

    Don't confuse selling and delivery is what we used to say…..

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Sweet tittyquack McWaffle! A politico, buzzfeed, politico reference line?

  • OKthennext

    Darryl Issa: Louisianans hope you get blown down, blown over, "blown in" (whaa?). Never just blown. Never. Ever.

  • polnick

    This proposal will get Romney votes. Welfare eligibility should be based on the willingness of the recipient to have her tubes tied; dead beat dads must be cuffed, pulled into a doctor’s office and forced to have a vasectomy. Both processes are reversible but pricey. This suggestion will lower taxes, but greedy churches and poverty p-imps stand in the way.

    • Negropolis

      Troll, be gone.

  • Biff

    What the fuck has happened to the mobile app? Every time I try getting here using my Android tablet, it cinverts the URL to touch.wonkette.com and gets all bizarro on me. Droid phone is fine, PC and laptop are fine…

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      wonkette.com/?onswipe_redirect=never should work.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    wonkette.com/?onswipe_redirect=never should work.

    • Biff

      Thanks, I'ma try that…

  • tessiee

    "Rush Limbaugh, while repeatedly insisting he is “not alleging a conspiracy,” suggested Monday that the National Hurricane Center’s forecast models for Tropical Storm Isaac were altered to help President Barack Obama and “cast a pall” over the Republican National Convention."

    This reminds me from a scene from the old M*A*S*H show:
    Hawkeye: We're trying to make you look foolish, Frank!
    Frank Burns [highly indignant]: Well, I don't need your help!

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      It's even worse than that…. The National Bureau of Standards is tinkering with the Atomic Clock at the Naval Observatory and pushed time forward three days for Obama!!!! It's Friday already – and the convention is already over.

      Bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • tessiee

    "I don’t care if we get blown in by a hurricane or a tornado, ultimately there’s going to be an earthquake in Washington next January.”

    But they will blow me firs–…
    Oh, wait.
    That doesn't work.
    And anyway, it was Mel gibson.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    If Obama is really so diabolical and powerful, how come Rush hasn't mysteriously choked on a ham sandwich or Dominican rent-boy by now?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Heck of a job, brownie?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    OT: I used the margins to park my mouse. Now, apparently I use the margins to launch a popup for some puppet movie. Oh well.

  • DahBoner

    The wind blows. It rains. No one knows why…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'm calling for a drone strike on that ad that starts the Balloon Adventure movie blaring every time I accidentally roll over it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      YES!

  • ttommyunger

    Riiiiight. We remember how well you predicted your ascension to the California Governorship once you got rid of Davis, too. Tissue?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Gimme that brownie! (dusts it off, checks for haha hash marks)

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    At least there is a National Hurricane Center. If the GOPbaggers have their way that will probably be cut, too.