Victoria Jackson, so wacko she has her own Wonkette tag, is entering, we think, year twenty of post-SNL unemployment. To commemorate this, she has taken to interviewing random street people on her Nikon Coolpix and, we presume, going home to edit it and upload it to her YouTube channel that has literally singles of views. The first video is up top. It is truly something when a barrel-chested faux-superhero who vaguely declares his superpower is “helping people” is so clearly the sanest person in a conversation that you find yourself wondering if he’s free for Quiznos later this week and maybe starting up a part-time drywall business.
However, Victoria Jackson cannot let anything be about someone besides her, and so we have to put up with a two-minute rant about Barack Obama’s fourteen communist fathers of fury.
If there was ever a niche for “exhausted-looking middle-aged woman with an inadvisable bow in her hair” roles, Vicki Jackson has that on LOCK.
It is nice that she is non-racistly concerned about Obama’s black genetic predisposition to tyranny. There is no more perfect moment than 1:50 to 1:54, when a giant “pro-life” truck with an aborted fetus rolls by and she sad-faced realizes that virtually any Negro in the world could be Barack Obama’s godless Muslim father.
Someone get her more buttons, stat.
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Who?
What?
Why?
When?
How? As in How did I let my self watch even one of those clips let alone both.
If I made a Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart reference here would anyone get it?
AFB.
Another Fat Blonde…
Inadvisable Bow is my new all-girl band name.
We will, of course, all be donning inadvisable bows.
Funny? I was thinking of naming my band inadvisable bowels.
*crossing "Inarticulate Bowels" off list of names*
Damn.
Her voice is the audio version of salt peter.
Worse, her voice deep fries your peter, first.
Her bangs cover the lobotomy scar nicely. I guess the bow is to cover the metal plate in her head.
Does that protect her from the alien signals as well?
Sadly, no, she still needs to wear mass quantities of aluminum foil (BTW, Aluminum doesn't work as well as tin, but what are you gonna do?)
People believe what they want to believe. Which would explain why they think that "Dancing With the Stars" actually features stars.
Or dancing.
"My God, it's full of stars!"
I kept waiting for her to accidentally wander into traffic and die.
That's what all those traffic cones and concrete barricades are for. To keep her from bouncing off the cars.
She's brain-dead already, if that helps.
"With votes" dammit!
Pretty bad when your acting career peaked playing Wierd Al's girlfriend.
Hey now, Weird Al is awesome and that would be a great role for anyone!
I know right???!
Don't disrespect Weird Al.
No joke. A friend of mine worked at a bar where Weird Al knew the owner. Weird Al came in when he was playing a show in town to see and hang out with her. My friend and I went to the park for a little midnight Basket Ball after he closed up (Weird Al and the owner left about an hour before). Walking in the park there was Weird Al and his boss sitting in a dark alcove at the park….Wait for it…..
WEIRD AL WAS FINGERBANGING HER ON A BENCH!!!!!!!!
True story.
I think you should tell that story on your job interviews.
It's a step up from "One summer at band camp"…
My English Composition professor gave an example of whatever it is, something about verbs floating around unconnected to any clear subject, and his example was "Walking down the street, it began to rain." But because it involves Wierd Al and fingerbanging, your example is funnier.
dangling modifier libel!
Was he all like "wanna smell my finger?" the next day?
I now have 'Eat It' playing on repeat in my head.
White and Nerdy here
That was just awesome.
Pics or GTFO.
Seriously, though, I wouldn't turn him down. I might insist on staying inside the car…or not…
Fingerbang is my new fav band!!!!
I'd always been a bit unimpressed with Weird Al, but the parody of Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" in palindromes converted him to demigod status in my eyes.
Yeah, Bob was a gem. I've never met him, but when you actually break down his songs and what is behind them there's a surprising amount of depth. His lead cut on his latest album, "Perform this Way" is at once a straightforward parody of Lady Gaga, a wink/nod reveal that you can't take anything a manufactured "star" does seriously and a slam of anyone who idolizes that sort of absurd spectacle as "original" or "daring" in any way. Heck of a lot more going on in that than the average pop song.
Add it to the fact that he was basically a geek in training at Cal Poly until he got onto the Dr. Demento show and he becomes someone I think would have fit right in with my circle of loners and misfits in high school/college.
"my circle of loners and misfits in high school/college"
Did You Know:™ 95% of Male Wonkettes could have typed that phrase!
Funny thing is, she's the only person in that movie who went downhill from there. Michael Richards, Tony Geary, Fran Drescher, Weird Al himself all went on to bigger things. Even Long Duc Dong from 16 candles (Gede Watanabe) has had steady work the last 2 decades. Hmm, maybe she's the reason it flopped in theatrical release?
If I recall correctly I think Batman and Indiana Jones Last Crusade were relased that same weekend.
But she was always so convincing on Saturday Night Live at playing idiotic blonde airheads.
I know! And hardly anyone gives her credit!
She was also good at playing a woman who thought it was a good idea to let her cat drive her car.
Who names their cat Toonces, anyway?
The polka dot bow tells me she is serious.
In a few more years she's going to start to look like Robin Williams trying to get his kids back.
He's gonna play Dwight D Eisenhower! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2194…
And is selling his house for $35M
that bitch's gullet must be so backed up with the semen of casting directors who never gave her the part that it has literally flooded her frontal lobe
*n.b. I am ridiculing her for lack of brain power exclusively, not for the blowjobs she has or hasn't given to casting directors.
Do you think Obama is a communist?
No, ma'am.
Then what are you doing here?
Then, the Super Hero asked her to spell communist and she ran away crying.
Keynote speaker
Keynote screecher.
Hmmmm,….Karl Marx had a quite swarthy complexion, to the point where his children called him "the moor". It was enough of an inside joke among his pals that he signed a letter to Engels "The Moor".
Well, that info, added to Victoria's compelling presentation, has me convinced. Barack Hussein
ObamaMarx really is the Communist Anti-Christ.And I'm not a crank!
"And I'm not a crank!"
And yet I get the feeling that you're winding us up?
Back off, tree-man, or I'll start writing in ALL CAPS.—
That's tree-hugger to you, sir.
Rick Santorum was right – let gays marry and before you know it, you've got man-on-tree.—
Have you ever seen Karl Marx and Fredrick Douglas in the same room together?!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_35nj7oLdDY/TnbIktPtLrI…
http://mikeely.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/fredri…
I rest my case!!
Victoria Jackson is a female Ralph Wiggum. She writes songs about cat poop, has the vocabulary of a 2-year-old, is easily controlled by others, and is obviously eating toxic levels of paste. I can just hear her saying “I once picked my nose until it bleeded!”
True, but her Wookie was always bent.
I choo choo choose you!
This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end.
That's where I saw the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.
"This tomato tastes like Grandma!"
Me fail English, that's unpossible!
Irrelevancy thy name is…wait, what the hell is this gormless nimrod's name again???
I've often wondered why Americans use "nimrod" where I'd use "dipstick" or "nitwit". I finally checked Urban Dictionary, and it's because kids didn't always understand the jokes in Bugs Bunny. I learn something new every day, thanks to Wonkette.
Hahaha she inadvertently caught a GOP cosplay fetish rentboy participant on his way to an encounter.
Yeah, nice try- I'm still not gonna click on either of those things.
From the Party of Ideas.
SH = ShitHead?
I can't help but think that Victoria Jackson is the embodiment of Poe's law and she's just running the extremely long con and on her death bed she's going to just be like "gotcha!"
Man, I hope I'm right…
Just like we keep waiting for Andy Kaufman to let us in on the joke, right?
I have to say that I really like it that the bow-heads are willing to warn me in advance that whatever comes out of their mouths will be inadvisable…
I take it she's in Tampax, FL taping these?
Is she the Floridian that was found passed out and topless in the parking lot of a casino when she was supposed to be babysitting?
*if someone tells me how to do the link thingy so it will show up in red, I'll link in the future.
OK, it's like this:
"less than" sign( < ) followed by "a href="yourlinkhere", followed by "greater than" sign ( > ), then Your visible text here followed by "less than"/a"greater than".
Or you can just dump the link in the comment without formatting, like this:
<a href="http://shell.cas.usf.edu/mccook/uwy/hyperlinks.html” target=”_blank”>http://shell.cas.usf.edu/mccook/uwy/hyperlinks.html
I tried the format above but it kept linking back to the Wonkette instead of to here, which was what I was pasting into the "a href=" field.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/mom-gamb…
This may help you to make red link thingies too, also: http://www.hyperlinkcode.com/make-hyperlink.php
Thanks to all!!!!
I copy the link into the comment and press Submit Comment. Then I immediately Edit the comment which brings up the link as formatted in the .html language for it to be displayed. Then in the last section enclosed by quotes " " you see a listing of the the link as "_blank>Stuff to appear in Red
So insert your link, press submit, delete the contents of the last pair of > < and write your own test. The following link will connect you to a brief listing of html coding. Despite the age of CSS / HTML (hypertext mark up language) every singe new web page still requires a primary statement that is is W3 encoded.
Visit W3Schools
To get something to appear in Bold, Underlined or Italic
simply surround the text in "<b.></b.>" "<u.></u.>" or "<i.></i.>" AND OMIT THE PERIODS!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!, Thank you!
she is the personification of the neighborhood crazy lady- the one always seen wandering in the streets with a bottle of Boone's Farm in a paper bag. The parents all warn their children not to talk to her, even if she speaks to them first…
I wonder if her and Weird Al still keep in touch, even though UHF came out 23 years ago. I envision a scenario where Al is too damn polite to refuse her phone calls, so he just sits there and listens to her babble on about communism and Hawaii while making the universal "crazy" gesture at his wife.
Well, now that Megs McCain has jumped ship, the old teatards need another bleached zaftig to fap to…
otherwise known as the tea party downgrade…
Orlando is north of Tampa, moron. Anyway, they'll provide you with the Minnie Mouse costume when you report to work; you don't have to make your own.
Shit, where's J. Edgar when you need him?
One of the most sad things about the intertubes is that oldish and youngish attention whores alike, can still find a way to whore for attention. Oh, and as a tilt of the hat to old school Wonkettery, I wouldn't fuck her with my brother's dick, and we haven't spoken in 15 years.
I call bullshit. That has got to be Sarah Palin wearing bad Ann Coulter drag after having snorted a kilo of boric acid and gerbil droppings.
Is being a crazy right wing conspiracy theorist a lucrative career and if so why didn’t my son’s high school guidance counselor mention it?
Yes, but only if you've been on TV or your dad was famous.
He was keeping the best jobs for his "petboy".
Ms. Jackson will, hopefully, remember from this point on that if a costumed guy says his name is Super Hero, that the SH on his chest will probably stand for just the same thing — and if she were to adopt such a costume, I'd suggest she call herself Slobbering Halfwit.
Pay no attention folks, it's just another Floridian face eating zombie. Move along, nothing to see here…
I thought her new gig was spokesmodel for some pizza chain.
Herman Cain *offered* her a job?!
Tit for tat.
She needed tat job.
This one?
Someone must embody the Crazy Bread.
Get her more buttons?! The peyote has done enough damage already!
Be kind, folks. Victoria Jackson is the funniest SNL cast member since Charles Rocket
What about Chris Kattan or Horatio Sanz?
They all pale before Brad Hall
We're gonna need a bigger bow.
HA!
Victoria Jackson is like the poster child for PROZAC.
Or Haldol.
She has so many problems that her problems have problems. But somehow I don't think that depression is one of them. Perhaps a carefully titrated dose of Thorazine might bring her state to merely "completely deranged".
I was thinking she is proof that there is a career in Hollywood for the young Palin child who must not be named under penalty of ban-hammer…
<Weeps>
served a flaming shot to her once. Thought I was the coolest bartender in town.
Now feel like a right awful schmuck.
That shot was probably what sent her over the edge.
Inaction Jackson.
Other than her voice being several octaves higher, she sort of reminds me of my grandmother in the last couple years of her life; completely insane, prone to believing in a past that simply never happened and a future that was incredibly dire because, you know, Democratic Muslims or whatever. My grandmother WAS actually hit by a car and died, so there's still hope, people.
Was the car driven by a cat?
That would have been interesting, karma-wise, as my grandmother was a crazy cat lady. But no, just some poor schlub coming off the night shift.
NEEDS MOAR TIM KAZURINSKY
I guess bleaching your hair does cause brain damage, after all.
Will. NOT. Press. Play.
Gawd what a train wreck. She really let herself go after releasing "Control", didn't she?
Her voice is worse than the Queen of Wasilla. Thank goodness I stopped watching it before my ears started bleeding.
How many cats does this woman own?
Did they have aerosol lead paint on the SNL set or in her dressing room?
She seems more like the "pica chew" type
She should seek career advice from Charlie Rocket.
Too soon?
Does the bow amplify her voice to the level of screeching harpy or is the bow just for show?
She's the consummate babywoman. All she needs is a bib and rattle.
The bow proves that she's serious and respectable.
Wow, way to bring out the big guns, RNC.
Victoria Jackson.
Or should that be 'Hurricane Victoria'?!
On the crazy wingtard scale she is a 5.
I assume that's a scale of 1 to 4.
I'm pretty sure she goes to 11.
Nah, she looks like the type that's asleep by 9.
Where is Toonces the Cat when we need him? Please drive this crazy woman far, far away!
OT, but Original Wonkette AMC is on MSNBC now, and seems to be getting hotter and more relaxed on the teevee, in addition to already being funny and vicious. What a package!
It's like she has a telepromter in her head playing a greatest hits loop of the crazy @aol.com e-mails that most of us put in our spam folders. One doesn't get the feeling that there is enough grey matter left in her vacuous bow wrapped noggin for her to even understand the nonsensical words that are coming out of her mouth. Someone get her some help because I don't get the feeling she is competent to live on her own.
The crazy is strong in this one…
I'll bet Super Hero answered a male Craigslist ad and was en route to some hotel room. 'Discreet' must not have been in the ad.
"My name is not important"
Oh wow, so that super dude is what a Scientologist who's lived in Clearwater for a while looks like, huh?
She was dropped on her head as a baby, wasn't she?
It's like talking to Kootie Pie Koopa.
http://www.mariowiki.com/images/e/e7/Wendy_NSMBWi…
The GOP just added an Anti-porn Platform to their manifesto
Where's the love people?
The love is in the marital chambers, face to face, man on top, with the lights off.
After todays 'thinky' posts, I was hoping for a sideboob….not quite what I had in mind .
Sideshow Boob!
Why is she still loose? Isn't she a reason why our hard-earned tax dollars go to Arkham Asylum?
"What does that stand for?"
"Shit Happens. The new GOP campaign slogan…"
I don't think Victoria's going to be successful in either of her two Tampa plans: laid or comedy engagement….
I think the bow looks very nice atop her…head? Sure, we'll go with head.
The GOP speaking roster seems a bit thin, now they have street corner speakers?
Noisome Haridan – begone, shrill fuckwitt.
…and their cushions are quite soft.
Christ! Someone loosen that bow – her brain hasn't had oxygen since 1974.
No lie, I could have sworn the baldy tights dude said "I fight Africans" when she asked him what he does.
I vaguely recall Jackson doing a comedy contortionist act around the time of the second battle of Bull Run.
Why is she filming people with her phone when there's already a camera filming her?
when a giant “pro-life” truck with an aborted fetus rolls by…
i thought you were talking about the verizon truck.
If you got her and Sarah Palin in the same room, the earth would implode from all that damn whining.
if there is ever a niche of exhausted looking middle aged women, send em to Rockdale Wisconsin and ask for Sam
did this one hook up with dennis miller at some point?
You know, you get up in the morning, shave your head, put on your tights and your cape, and head out to fight crime on the streets of Tampa, and the next thing you know you're being bothered by some lunatic and you can't get any work done.
I'm waiting to hear from Tunces the Driving Cat.
Worthy of M. Night Shyamalan:
A bald guy in a crazy costume…you expect that worst and he turns out pretty sane. The stockily build woman with the terrible voice is quite mad though!
Never met her, but I know her. I've fucked women like her; but never twice.
omg, and I've been hoping for years I'd never have to hear to that fucking two year old voice ever again. Just when you get complacent… there she is.
The Grift! It burns!
What does it say about Victoria Jackson that she makes a guy in a spandex hero suit look extremely rational and sane by comparison?
Where?
Masochism?
Whore?
Lemon curry?
How many?
I'll take "Details that NYT typists Never Ask" for $400, Alex!
Whoops.
Huh?
These vids were bad, but they were better than the average Whoopi movie.
Whoa!
Tim Curry.
Masaman curry or GTFO!
Even a Whoopi movie beats Whooping Cough.
I'm betting his modifier was at least semi-erect at that point
So the lesson is, never modify your dangler?
Agreed. Massaman curry is awesome! (And I'm not just trying to curry favor.)
Hengh?
I'll dangle my modify thing where ever I please.
Unless, of course, that's all it can do…..
Sonny Bono libel!!!!
Help me! Mr. Popeil!
Ouch.
I got yew, babe!
Sweet!
Hey, don't forget us girls.
Well, loner/misfit circles were strictly separated by gender when I grew up, so I don't know what the kids have been up to post-'82. I understand some girls even read science fiction and play in prog bands now!
That's when I grew up, too. I graduated from high school in 1978, and I was totally a loner nerd geek girl who read science fiction, and loved Star Wars and (blush) Space 1999.
But aren't you Canadian? That explains it. You folks were ahead of your time! Why, SCTV was as big an influence in our loner/misfit circle as Python itself!
The Starlost.
Well, maybe. SCTV was pretty cool, too, although I was much more of a Python girl.
Wow. Too nerdy even for me. I had to google that.
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