Civility Update

Neal Boortz: Public Schools Led To Obama, So Kill Public Schools

Superannuated radio screamy-man Neal Boortz has some amusing observations about how to improve America’s political discourse! Speaking to the Isaac-dampened attendees at Tampa’s Wingnutpalooza “Unity Rally 2012,” Mr. Boortz urged Amercia-loving conservatives to adopt subtle Luntzian adjustments that will reframe important issues. First off, they should always say “Democrat Party,” because “it makes them SO MAD when you say that.” Witty!

More important, though, is the need to open the Overton Window on a phrase that until now has been a shibboleth for membership in the Tinfoil Hat Brigade:

They are not public schools, they are government schools. They are owned by, staffed by, operated by and forced upon us by the government.

And, ladies and gentlemen, it is 100 years of government education that led us to the point that a man like Barack Obama could be sworn in as president of the United States.

So, wherever you are, preach school choice.

Considering that he appears to be wholly ignorant of the history of public education in our American Republic, we can only assume that Mr. Boortz is hoping to get a job with the David Barton Institute of Historical Knowing Things. (Haha, just kidding. Maybe public schools only became socialist indoctrination factories in the last hundred years. Damn you, Woodrow Wilson!) But do not worry, everything can be set right if we just get the Bible back in schools and make improvements to the curriculum.

Neal Boortz, by the way, knows a thing or two about reframing public discourse. How can anyone forget how he completely changed the way Americans think about Hurricane Katrina? Back in 2008, Boortz proclaimed that the real problem with Katrina was not the Bush administration’s inept response, but rather “the worthless parasites who lived in New Orleans who you — couldn’t even wipe themselves, let alone get out of the way of the water when that levee broke.” But do not call him a racist for saying that. He is graciously handing his radio slot to Herman Cain in 2013, so he’s OK.

[Right Wing Watch]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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  1. punkneverdies

    I actually say Democrat party because it annoys my parents and I don't think it matters at all.

      1. punkneverdies

        No they are rather a-typical boomer bluetards, "It's the Democratic Party!!!!" my dad shouts at the television when he hears this outrageous slur…

    1. LibertyLover

      Yeah, but then he defunded the free colleges of CA, so there. He got even with those evil government schools.

      1. CommieLibunatic

        Two schools, while his parents worked for a bloated government tax dollar void of an organization called the Military.

  2. PeaceWithHonor

    Government schools, bad. Government army, good. No reason to be afraid of people with guns, only school teachers.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      And school *choice* is okay, but God forbid a woman decide what to do with her own damn body.

    2. YasserArraFeck

      Not so fast there, Boss – a chalkboard can do some serious damage in the wrong hands (fortunately, Glenn Beck's impact is mitigated by the fact that the illiterate baboons who make up his core viewership can't decipher his blather ("All them "words" and arrows – I get confused, dangit!!")

  3. ChernobylSoup

    Henceforth all games of Red Rover Red Rover must be played individually. No team play allowed.

      1. HistoriCat

        1901 just like everyone else – but then they did an about face in 1964 and have been sprinting backwards ever since.

      1. IceCreamEmpress

        "Swirly Club" is not a recognized extracurricular activity, Mr. Boortz. Also, stop dripping toilet water on my desk.

    1. elviouslyqueer


      Boortz spent his first two years of High School at Tustin Union High School in Tustin, California. The family then moved to Florida where he attended Pensacola High School, graduating in 1963.

      Whereupon he attended that notable bastion of private school higher education, Texas Goddamn A&M.

      1. bikerlaureate

        "And, ladies and gentlemen, it is 100 years of government education that led us to the point that a man like me could be listened to by adults and not laughed right out of the building."

  4. edgydrifter

    For Boortz, being a colossal asshole is more than a personality defect, it's his weapon of choice.

  5. RRoccoco

    Public streets and highways just encourage people to drive to the polls to vote for Obama. Private toll roads only!

    Science education leads to people believing in evolution, global warming, gravity, and relativity, just like Obama. Burn the scientists!

    Free air lets people breathe long enough to vote for Obama. No more free breathers–you should pay air creators for the privilege. Death to the Free Breathers!

    So, when is my slot for speaking to the GOP in Tampa? I'm ready to go.

  6. Callyson

    "It is not the Democratic Party, it is the Democrat Party"

    OK, asshole, fair is fair…

    It is not the Republican Party, it is the Reep Party.

    Feel free to nominate alternatives to Reep…

  7. poorgradstudent

    But by the same…uh, "reasoning" 100 years of public schools also brought about the election of Reagan. So…WHY IS NEAL BOORTZ A COMMIE CRYPTOFASCIST WHO HATES FREE MARKET JESUS?!?!?!

  8. timbo71351

    Why would anyone listen to these radio assholes for any length of time? I'll be glad when these old fucks just shuffle off.

  9. weejee

    RepubelickinPartyRepo-lickinPartyRethuglickinParty – rinse, répétez
    RepubelickinPartyRepo-lickinPartyRethuglickinParty – rinse, répétez
    RepubelickinPartyRepo-lickinPartyRethuglickinParty – rinse, répétez
    RepubelickinPartyRepo-lickinPartyRethuglickinParty – rinse, répétez…

  10. Jus_Wonderin

    Everything wrong truly is Obama's fault. Damn. I guess I give up on trying to defend him.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Hey, Cashmere is just minutes from my hometown of Wenatchee! I'm so embarrassed. If any town in Central WA is going to produce horrible murderers, I really thought it would be Wenatchee.

        Or, you know, Yakima.

          1. anniegetyerfun

            Used to “summer” there. If you can use the word “summer” as a verb in a place like Manson (no, you can't).There was a good Mexican restaurant that served nachos with steak strips on top… for a while, before they realized that they were serving quality food in a town of 600 people, and quickly changed the menu.

  11. Antispandex

    So what happens when all of the childrens go to various private schools, and learn all different kinds of "truths", no one can agree on what the facts are anymore? Geeze, this is going to be GREAT!

      1. Antispandex

        Well, I think we can pretty much count on them both not to be too big on all of that science stuff. I mean genetics, evolution? That stuff is just crazy!

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Our chemistry teacher (public school, of course) use to lecture us on the dangers of abortion while joking that the world would be better off if everyone was gay, because gays don't reproduce and the world would do better if humanity died off. So, you know, there was value there.

  12. Chichikovovich

    they should always say “Democrat Party,” because “it makes them SO MAD when you say that.”

    Really? How surprising. I don't get angry at all. In fact, since I regard the use of "Democrat party" as a 100% reliable sign that the speaker is a dittohead fool whose opinion is worthless and may be safely ignored, I'm usually grateful to the speaker for having saved me some time.

    1. SoBeach

      Yep. 95% of the ones you encounter in everyday life don't even realize they're using the wrong word. They're just repeating what they heard on the radio. They might as well be wearing "DUMBASS" t-shirts.

    2. bikerlaureate

      Agree completely.

      If acting irritated once in a while is the price we have to pay for this reliable self-flagging term, bring it on.

  13. NorthStarSpanx

    Now school choice is among the signifiers of freedom in this country?

    Let's see, guns, religion and homeschooling, but rape conception is a non-issue cause we emotional womens got a complex mess of chemicals in there that got a way of shutting the whole thing down.

    Sad news for married women who have trouble conceiving though, no wonder they don't want monies to go toward In vitro.

    1. LibertyLover

      Of course, all emotional women must have gone to public schools. That's where they teach about sex and other things of that nature. Giving them ideas and such.

      As for married women who cannot get preggers — does that mean that their husband is doing the rapey thing on them so that the women's lady bits shut the whole thing down?

  14. ShuCityRefugee

    Both President Clinton and Senator Dole attended public schools. I believe that the 1996 general election was the last time that either major party candidate graduated from a public high school. Most people believe that 100 years of public education were responsible for making us the greatest, strongest nation in history. Most of us believe that participatory democracy is a good thing, even when we are dissatisfied with short-term outcomes. Who the !@#$%^&* is this guy, and where did he go to school? Oh, thank you Wikipedia, he is a product of public education, unlike President Obama, who attended private schools.

  15. ChernobylSoup

    The 'tards on the bus go
    Derp derp derp, derp derp derp, derp derp derp,
    The 'tards on the bus go
    Derp derp derp

  16. no_gravity

    I wished this guy was around when I was in school so I could read textbooks that say:

    Electricity is a mystery. No one has observed it or heard it or felt it. We can see and hear and feel only what electricity does. We know it makes light bulbs shine and irons heat up and telephones ring. But we cannot say what electricity itself is like.

    We cannot even say where electricity comes from. Some scientists think that the sun may be the source of most electricity. Others think that the movement of the earth produces some of it.

    No socialism crap, just pure science.

      1. CommieLibunatic

        I was gonna say, the answer might make your head hurt… so go grab some Advil, you pustulent ignoramuses.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Some say Jesus makes the electrons go. Who can say? We just have to teach all the theories, in the interest of being fair and balanced.

  17. SmutBoffin

    In my forthcoming book We Don't Need No Education: The Rise of Contrafactualism in the USA, 2000 – 2012, I posit that AM radio waves actually drown out thought through a principle similar to the constructive/destructive interference of waveforms. AM radio is just thinking that is 180 degrees out of phase with normal human thinking.

    Anti-thought if you will.

    1. kittensdontlie

      And when Thought and Anti-Thought meet, a dead brain zone is created, corresponding to the creation of the Undecided Voter.

    1. Chichikovovich

      90% of the 10% at the convention who attended school at all went to public school, sure.

    2. MacRaith

      But those weren't government schools. Back in the good ol' days, schools were created by organized groups of citizens who banded together for the common good, and then everyone chipped in to pay for them and cover the operating costs.

      In other words, they were created and run by the government and paid for by taxes. But the wingnuts are too dumb to realize it.

  18. SoBeach

    There certainly seems to be a very vocal group of citizens who consider ignorance, superstition, selfishness and fear to be virtues.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Write it in the sky with my gossamer tears:


  19. IceCreamEmpress

    Guys, just go back to the "Know-Nothing Party" brand because you're kicking it old-school style these days.

  20. jtinks

    What is with the whole "Democrat" Party trope? According to, uh, the dictionary, a "democrat" is one who is an "adherent of democracy".

    Of course dictionaries are written by liberal elites who went to college to be indoctrinated by neo-Marxists, which is why the definition of "republican" shows up as "ignorant smegma-brained old white person".

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I was just thinking that.

      "Democrat Party" as opposed to…what, "Childish Crypto-fascists?"

  21. OneYieldRegular

    Perhaps it's just me, but it seems like this kind of reasoning makes for really poor advertising of the virtues of private education.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Some in-laws and the opening of Mean Girls did it for me. That second one has some yokel kids:

      "And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle so that Man could fight the dinosaurs." <beat> "And the homosexuals. Amen!"

      Seriously, there's something wrong when your kid can't Google their way out of a paper bag, but can point to some obscure verse "proving" Jesus rode atop a Deinonychus.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Started to reply with "Any poltroon can get one, etc." – but the truth is that some of us experience a feeling known as Shame, and we can't do what it takes to manipulate others who also lack it.

  22. Exhausted66

    I enjoy the whole Democrat Party thing.
    Let's you know who the assholes are, right up front.

    Spoiler alert: All of them (,Katie) are assholes.

  23. YasserArraFeck

    I'm all for civilized and insightful discourse, however, the RepubliTard mind has a way of shutting the whole thing down.

  24. Flat_Earther

    The “ic” suffix…

    The “ic” suffix is used to form an adjective. Adjectives as I am sure you are aware describe or modify nouns. Democratic is thus an adjective modifying or describing the noun Party. Modify or describing “party” with the noun “Democrat” is incorrect speech and makes you sound stupid.

    1. Misty Malarky

      It was a hairy bear!
      It was a scary bear!
      It was a Democratic bear!
      We made a hasty retreat from there!

      And we described it
      With adjectives.

      (Man, that was one hairy scary Democratic bear!)

  25. fawkedifiknow

    It's a good thing the Republicans aren't being divisive, insulting, negative and hateful, because then they would be just like that government school product, Obama, except he's racist, too.

    1. RadioBowels

      They get even more pissed when I point out that they called themselves that for the first couple months that Dick Armey started to fund them. And we laughed and laughed.

  26. pdiddycornchips

    Learnin' has a built in liberal bias. All the knowledge you'll ever need you can get from listening to Limbaugh and Victoria Jackson's youtube thingy. Really, there's only three things you need to know.

    1). Bad things are liberals fault

    2). Real 'Mercan's must hate the blah's

    3). Rich people know best

  27. elviouslyqueer

    On numerous occasions, Boortz has cautioned his listeners to take no heed nor place any credence in anything he says, as he is merely an "entertainer."

    Ironically self-aware asshole is ironical.

    1. garryboldwater

      Unfortunately, Boortzi isn't very entertaining at all. A human penis with a microphone who pretends to be a Libertarian. Just another GOP hack.

    2. bikerlaureate

      Soupy Sales tried that same defense, I read, after he urged the kiddies to go take those green pieces of paper out of Dad's wallet and Mom's purse and mail 'em in.

  28. Incitefully_Joe

    First off, they should always say “Democrat Party,” because “it makes them SO MAD when you say that.” Witty!

    In fairness, I always make it a point to call Republicans "assholes".

    1. LibertyLover

      Hang on there… my brother is a Republican. Oh, wait. No, he's an asshole, too. Carry on.

      1. Beowoof

        My brother is a bigger asshole republican, wanna know why? He is a Boortz fan. He is also empirical proof of the article I saw today that smoking too much weed as a teenager lowers your IQ.

  29. Arborista

    … “the worthless parasites who lived in New Orleans who you — couldn’t even wipe themselves, let alone get out of the way of the water when that levee broke.”

    Yeah, hospitals were not allowed to evacuate for Katrina & many nursing homes couldn't or didn't…

    This guy is nauseating.

  30. Incitefully_Joe

    In Neal Boortz's defense, Neal Boortz is also the product of a lifetime of public education. So, that's at least one example of somebody who was failed by the public education system in America (author's note: this is my way of saying that Neal Boortz is very stupid)

  31. Mumbletypeg

    I wanna blame the goofballs' letting "Neil Young, Astronaut, Dead at 82" go to press without proofing, on public education's output of poorly practiced readers.

    But I've a hunch it's less to do with failure of our schools than endemic laziness of decision makers who fail to run ideas past peers; myopic neglect to analyze what's right in front of them; and cavalier self-assurance if one drops the ball there's always some other entity to pass the buck along to.
    Therefore I blame morally and cognitively challenged products of idiocy like Neal Boortz.

  32. Jus_Wonderin

    We have been promised that this group of individuals will eventually die off, right? When????

  33. LibertyLover

    Neal Boortz's vision of the future: "White" people send their children to privately funded Christian schools and learn creationism instead of science, accept church doctrine instead of learning to think for themselves.
    "Blah" people are left to the public schools where they learn real science and reasoning ability.

    Oops. I don't think he thought that through all the way….His unintended consequences will be:

    "White" people are relegated to working on assembly lines because they aren't suited to anything else. "Blah" people become future doctors and lawyers and professional people.


  34. An_Outhouse

    First off,you should always say “Gynecologically Ignorant Rentboy Fuckers” because it makes them SO MAD when you say that.

  35. Chet Kincaid_

    I say we should go ahead and own "Democrat Party". "Teabaggers" and "Teabag Party" bothers them more, especially because they had to go look it up on that filthy

  36. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, ladies and gentlemen, it is 100 years of government education that led us to the point that a man like Barack Obama could be sworn in as president of the United States.

    Wait, does that mean all public schools are actually Kenyan?

  37. Fox n Fiends

    Comrade Boortz will next select all people with glasses to be sent to re-education camps.

  38. Slim_Pickins

    The argument that "100 years of government education" has brought us to Wingnut palooza is more persuasive.

  39. scorpy1

    Boortz's game-changing ideas are perfectly placed, since he's playing solitaire without a full deck.

  40. AnAmericanInTO

    Wayyy back in the glory days where children worked in factories or cleaned chimneys or served as human footstools, or what have you, the first Sunday Schools were created to teach literacy, via the Bible, to those children who were unable to attend school during the rest of the week.

    Now, I'm sure Neal Boortz would love this idea – children working 40 hours a week and learning only by using the Bible.

    However, this, education for all, was considered radical, controversial and revolutionary at the time.

    And the church in question?

    My own crazy heathen sect, the Unitarians.

    And now you know the… of the story.

  41. ttommyunger

    "Kneel" is a local product and in fact is the winner of the "Most Resembles an Uncut Penis" Competition for the last seven years.

  42. valthemus

    "First off, they should always say 'Democrat Party,' because 'it makes them SO MAD when you say that.' Witty!"

    In that same spirit, let us unilaterally rename Neal Boortz who shall hereinafter be referred to as Mr. Teeny-Peeny-Fecal-Face.

Comments are closed.