Rank Indecency

Constitutional Crisis: Wingnuts Furious After Obama Calls Top Navy SEAL ‘Master Chief’ Or Something

General ConfusionHope you didn’t miss this terribly important story from Fox Nation: When an interviewer with a St. Louis radio station asked the President a question about the election-season attempt to swiftboat him for sending Navy SEALs to kill Osama bin Laden, Obama replied,

I’d advise that you talk to General McRaven, who’s in charge of our Special Ops. I think he has a point of view in terms of how deeply I care about what these folks do each and every day to protect our freedom.

Aren’t you disgusted by the sheer contempt for America and its heroic American military traditions of America just dripping from that statement? McRaven is a Navy officer, so he is of course an Admiral, not a General! FoxNation was so upset by this error that, in taking the President to task, it was rendered incapable of using indefinite articles:

The difficulty with this is that William McRaven is and [sic] admiral not a general. As a SEAL, he is [sic] member of the US Navy, not US Army or US Marines.

For servicemen, ranks are important – they have worked hard and, in many cases, risked their lives, to earn them. And it’s one thing to omit a rank and another to botch the rank of the highest-ranking Special Forces operator in the country.

And if we’re going to play “Military Rank Gotcha,” perhaps we should point out that Jim Treacher’s Daily Caller headline, in trying to make a funny joke, seems to miss the point that “General” and “Admiral” are equal ranks:

What a whimsical logo! But that’s probably just an honest mistake, not evidence of utter ignorance of and contempt for the Troops.

[Fox Nation / Daily Caller ]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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  1. Limeylizzie

    Christ they are vile, but here in Limeylizzie land we await the birth of a baby boy , MrLimeylizzie's first grandson is happening today! We just got the 'She just started labour" call a few minutes ago.

    1. Doktor Zoom


      Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies — "God damn it, you've got to be kind.”

      –Kurt Vonnegut, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

      1. Limeylizzie

        Excellent! Not technically a Granny as I am not old enough to be the mother of his children! I go with the Welsh version of Grandmother which is “Nain” pronounced like “nine” but with slightly longer “i” sound.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Very exciting but Sienna has had a less than easy pregnancy, they just had to induce labour , so I hope all goes well.

        1. tessiee

          By January, Barb and Lizzie can hang out at poolside someplace tropical, and show each other grandbaby snapshots.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      Whether he's a general or an admiral, welcome to the new grandson and to the new status. "If I had known that grandchildren were so great, I would have had them first." (We're at nine and holding…)

    3. Texan_Bulldog

      Hope it's not a terrorist anchor baby!

      Yay for you guys because you always get to give the baby back to its parents.

          1. Limeylizzie

            or maybe Dripping Springs. Actually it has to have another “D” name, all boys in his family have names beginning with “D”, I wanted them to call him Dragon.

          2. Limeylizzie

            Isn't that the worst name? There's a town near where I'm from in England called Upper Dicker.

        1. NellCote71

          "it will be a Texan baby." Most excellent. If the babe is being born out of state–god forbid–I hope someone had the sense to bring a jar of Texas dirt to put under the birthing bed so he will be born over Texas soil.

        2. miss_grundy

          Na, the baby should be called Austin, 'cause that is the only place left in Texas that makes any sense….

    4. Geminisunmars

      Mazel Tov!

      I skipped that messy intermediary stage of having children, and went directly to grandmother. So much easier.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Me too, I have none of my own and MrLimeylizzie has a son, twin daughters and another son from a relationship in college who was adopted at birth and found us a few years ago.

          1. Limeylizzie

            No, are her daughters twins? Ours are not indentical at all, but both will have had babies within 4 months of each other this year.

          2. tessiee

            If I'm remembering right, Barb has twin daughters who had babbies within a few days of each other earlier this year.
            Barb? Can you verify this?

          3. Limeylizzie

            She still is only dilated to about 4cms, so we have a way to go, she just texted us and said not to come over tonight as she just wants to sleep, I think we won't have a baby until the wee hours, but will let you know!

          4. Barb_

            Tessie, I have two daughters, both a year apart, who were pregnant and due on the same day. Victoria had a son right before Christine had a daughter, Mina, the megabeast, who had a partial heart transplant.

            Mina will have an angioplasty on Sept 7th to pump that transplanted aorta back up to where it should be after it collapsed.

          5. tessiee

            OK, so the babbies had the same birthday, not the daughters.

            Angioplasty, you know how that works? I think it's interesting and harmless, and that sharing will make it less scary — but I'll space down in case you want to skip the rest.
            They put a deflated balloon in the chamber and inflate it very slowly, because a balloon is small, and soft rubber, and will dilate even the most delicate tissue very gently and without harm.

      2. The_Lucky_Wife

        My cousin did the same thing. She loves being a grandmother, and her grandchildren love her; they could care less that she isn't their father's biological mother.

    5. gigihopes

      Congratulations Nain! Grandchildren are a wonderful part of life. My third grandbaby is due any day now. I'm excited for both of us!

  2. BarackMyWorld

    Yes, but is he a full Admiral, Vice Admiral, or Rear Admiral? And if he's a rear admiral, is that a rear admiral upper half (two stars) or lower half (one star)? If Fox doesn't know the answer, they're disrespecting the troops.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      I've been looking and no luck. I'd love to have a link to that so I can show my rightwing people when they harsh barry.

        1. ChernobylSoup

          IF Star Trek is any sort of authority? IF Star Trek is any sort of authority?!? Geez, Bishop, do you realize what that kind of statement can lead to around here? Nerd wars.

          1. Butch_Wagstaff

            No shit. It could lead to a thread of 1000+ comments.

            In that vein, Jonathan Frakes–did he look better with or without the beard? Discuss.

          2. BerkeleyBear

            He definitely looked better without the gut he put on but refused to admit to the wardrobe people.

    1. AddHomonym

      Because it is not in the Constitution, which only mentions an army and a navy. Original intent! Duh!

  3. Beowoof

    Oh just fuck off, you assholes are willing to believe any bullshit put forth by Fox, you don't get to complain about an innocent mistake.

  4. DahBoner

    Truth is, the real credit for killing Osama bin Laden should go to W, the Ret***ed Cowboy..

    That's right, had it not been for W's spectacular failure in finding bin Laden, the cold blooded killer in the White House would never had the opportunity!


    1. poncho_pilot

      do they try envision that type of convoluted reasoning or do they just retcon it into being with their historical revisionism ray?

      1. shelwood46

        They straight up say that it's all W's doing that Osama was found, that W put in place the intelligence (hee) that led to his discovery. I have seen them say this over and over and over. It's bizarre.

  5. poncho_pilot

    always on top of Obama's slightest perceived horribly major mistake. how admiral-ble of them.

    1. ChernobylSoup

      Generally, that's they roll. They're Specialists when it comes to being Captains of douchery.

    2. Stevola

      There's a video on YouTube, "53 Seconds That Should End a Presidency" (I'm not gonna link, or ever watch it again) It features President Obama stammering and making mistakes and seems to be culled from every speech the man ever made.

      And it lasts 53 seconds! There's more than a minute of mistakes in every second of a Bush speech.

      1. reliefsinn

        When you see Barry talk about something, which he will do most of the time WITHOUT a teleprompter, you realize he is actually THINKING about what he is saying, and does not, like some people I will not name right now, just let things spew out of his mouth like so much verbal effluence.

  6. Goonemeritus

    I like the fact that our president doesn’t fancy himself a brilliant military strategist. It seems to me we had enough of those in the last administration. Like Lincoln Obama keeps to the big picture and leaves the ground war to the Commanders on the ground. Looking at the results he is doing pretty well and the fact that we are no longer losing a popularity contest with France seems like a good thing to me.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Dumb is right…who can't get into Harvard Law School and be editor of the Law Review…geesh.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        He's blah, so obviously was just given everything on a silver platter thru affirmative action and the influence of George Soros

  7. weejee

    I appears Faux Newz is again suffering from General Confusion. In today's world it is good to have some things that are consistent and Murdoch's minions are so consistently rank.

  8. fartknocker

    Dear Fox News:

    Our current president directed the deployment of troops who killed Osama Bin Laden, who has become food for sea life in the Pacific Ocean. He also saved GM and Chrysler, saving over 300K jobs. Your supposed Messiah Mitt Romney won't release more than 2 years of tax records and probably has a temple named after him in China for all the jobs he shipped there. So kindly shut the fuck up and quit bloviating utter bullshit.


    PS: Yes, the POTUS made a mistake. It may even been on a teleprompter. Who gives a shit. Why don't you ask Speaker Boehner why the House of Representatives has been so ineffective. Be sure to ask him about the U.S. credit rating, shutting down FAA, and transportation infrastructure.

    1. miss_grundy

      Faux News is very lucky I don't live in NYC because if I did, I would be using their anchors for stickball practice.

  9. Angry_Marmot

    Classic mote-in-thy-neighbor's eye while ignoring your own failings. Everyone at Fox must have been the kind of kid that teachers hate, interrupting the lesson or the practice session to scream "Teacher! Teacher!" because the kid sitting next them was "doing it wrong". Now they have Roger Ailes' big ass to kiss up to, having finally found their métier.

  10. Dudleydidwrong

    Obama's just trying to stir up a little interservice rivalry. We need to keep the military sharp for when we are attacked by Iran/Pakistan/North Korea/ China/ Arizona.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        I don't really fear any attack from Iran/Pakistan/N Korea/China but the real threat is from the United Wingnutistan Nations: Arizona and their allies such as Texas, Florida, and the southern tier states of North America. I hear they are working on building centrifuges and plan to make nuclear weapons out of moon pies and RC Cola.

    1. Negropolis

      The Arizona Navy is truly a feasome force, what with their outboard motors on Lake Havasu and all.

  11. YasserArraFeck

    If Hopey really respected the troops, he'd waste them on some bullshit military misadventure, looking for non-existent WMDs in a country that wasn't remotely connected to 9-11. Having your limbs scattered across the desert for nothing is infinitely preferable to being addressed by the wrong rank.

  12. RadioBowels

    This is way worse than the claims that Akin made — and half of the Republitards believe. We DEMAND that Obama quit the race for the good of the party and the country.

  13. bobbert

    See, now, this is what "mis-speaking" sounds like.

    EDIT: God help us if he ever refers to a Marine as a "soldier".

  14. Texan_Bulldog

    So the commander-in-chief misstated some rank. I think this means the terrorists have won.

    These people are going to go batshit insane if Barry gets re-elected. That's the biggest reason why I want to see him win.

    1. orygoon

      <<These people are going to go batshit insane >>

      As opposed to their current status, which is what?

      1. YasserArraFeck

        They might be frothing at the mouth now, but they're plain going to lose control of their bowels when Obama is reelected. Avoid crowds of 'Tards that day – the stench will be unbearable (but worth it).

        1. Negropolis

          Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but maybe they'll shut the hell up in a second term, at least the fuckers in leadership. Maybe, the fringe will finally retreat back to the fringe until 2016.

    2. GunToting[Redacted]

      I'm actually a little worried about the "wingpocalypse." Tim McVeigh was a piker compared to these dipshits.

      1. Jennyjen798

        This. You should hear the things they say when they think they are in trust worthy company.

  15. Dudleydidwrong

    I wonder if the person who wrote that dumbass comment for Faux Snooze ever served in the military and would know a general from a Cub Scout.

    1. finallyhappy

      My first real(meaning full time, full pay- thank goodness) job many years ago was as a Navy civilian. I had to learn the ranks – and know them by looking quickly at sleeves and insignia. Now I don't remember except I think a wide gold band at the wrist means an admiral and that commodore is only a war time rank(or not)

  16. ChernobylSoup

    I'd be totally okay with it if Obama wanted to suspend posse comitatus and round up these assholes using a few misidentified troops.

    1. Callyson

      If I lived in a red state, I'd make photocopies of that and place them on the windshields of cars parked in fundie churches' parking lots.

      Hell, maybe I'll drive out to AZ and do that anyway…

    2. tessiee

      Love it! Even with the Dilbert tie.
      I have this saved to "my pictures", except I renamed it "kiss my black ass".

  17. orygoon

    Can't they make allowances for a guy who is, after all, just a Kenyan? It isn't like English would be his first language or anything like that.

    1. NellCote71

      Valerie Plame all over these egregious levels of rwal treason aren't comparable to the Kenyan sleeper cell mixing up a military title, which so obviously proves his trainers did not prep him enough before they unleashed him on an unsuspecting America.

      1. tessiee

        Conversely, if he'd gotten it right, that would be proof that the conspiracy spared no effort and expense to fool us.

  18. savethispatient

    Damn it, who wrote General on the teleprompter? For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, Obama will read!

      1. savethispatient

        After becoming George W. Bush's top political adviser, I'd imagine Brick Tamland went on to run FOX News.

  19. C_R_Trogloraptor

    This is really harshing my "25 Things To Watch For At The Republican National Convention" Fun, Dok.

    And also: After suffering though 8 excruciating years of President Malaprop, I think these Republican tools can just shut the fuck up.

  20. Antispandex

    As a sailor, I always had very little respect for how anyone over the rank of master chief got their rank…I just figured it was ass kissing that got you a bird or stars. Does that make me a disloyal American? I a sorry, for any offended Fox watchers.

  21. Dashboard Buddha

    I hate it how Bammerz keeps giving the rightwingnuts so much ammunition. Misnaming a high-ranking military officer, having only girls for children, breathing. Fuck, he might as well just concede right now.

    1. finallyhappy

      how did you miss the most important thing- the man was born with black skin. Really, everything else is trivial.

  22. DonnyKerabotsos

    Since Generals and Admirals both wear stars to designate their rank, George Bush used to avoid the confusion by referring to both ranks as 'Star Guy."

  23. VinnyThePooh

    Stars are stars, be they an Admiral's or a General's. Naval and Coast Guard officers have received the misnomers since their beginnings. Fortunately, our officers are more mature and lighthearted about the gaffes than the couch commandos that continuously spit hate and Cheeto crumbs.

    1. weejee

      Do you think Mittens will be able to add as a plank in the GOP platform making Cheetos the national snark snack?

      / wipes orange detritus from hands onto jeans

  24. Self-Uploader

    Well they always have to be outraged about something. I guess after Obama is re-elected and the Affordable Health Care act kicks in they'll be outraged about keeping their post-college children insured, or not losing coverage due to a pre-existing condition or something.

  25. PsycWench

    Slightly OT, but our local paper covered the Crumb and Get It thing (again!) and subsequent Fox appearance, with a lovely quote from McMurray about the 2009 bankruptcy:

    He said he didn't appreciate its inclusion in news coverage.
    "It has nothing to do with the story. We are normal people with normal lives," he said.

    A second story features this pithy quote about McMurray from a business professor at UVa: "Check back with him in two months and see what he says," Wilcox said.

  26. tessiee

    "General McRaven" and "Admiral McRaven" are both awesome, and would make good names for movie superheroes, as well as real-life superheroes.

  27. mavenmaven

    Because a real american would never dishonor the troops by putting them in harms way by figthing unnecessary wars on foreign soil.

  28. C_R_Trogloraptor

    I'd like to see the Daily Caller try to interview General Direction, Leftenant Behind and Colonel Angus about this.

  29. tessiee

    The reason Barry the Time-Traveling Muslin didn't get the rank right is because there is no such person. "General McRaven" is a made-up name to cover up the fact that Bin Laden was never killed. He's alive and well in the White House basement, where he and Hussein Hussein Hussein black guy are hatching a conspiracy to um… make us all eat falafel and spit on Jeebus… or something.
    I mean, even the names Obama and Osama PROVE that they're in cahoots!
    WAKE UP, SHEEPLES!!1one!

  30. Misty Malarky

    In the meanwhile: Isaac keeps on slouching towardsTampa…

    Just keep slouching
    Just keep slouching
    Slouching slouching slouching
    What's he gonna do
    He'll slouch…

  31. tessiee

    "what these folks do each and every day to protect our freedom"

    OK, nothing against THE TROOPS, yadda yadda, my nephew is in the military, obligatory disclaimers — but this is something that gets up my nose.
    We have enough firepower to blow up the planet what? Ten times over? Twenty times over?
    Nobody's attacking us and nobody's going to.
    If THE TROOPS really wanted to protect our freedom from the people who are actively threatening and damaging it, they'd shoot Todd Akin right through his big, empty head.
    Then they'd go down the rest of the list.

  32. usuhname

    "This is a real story. This is a real story. This is a real story. "

    Repeat that, into a witches cauldron filled with eye of newt [gingrich] and blood of newborn — whilst your one semi-literate relative types it for you — and it really works!

  33. Grrrandpa

    Uh, Special Forces is the Green Berets (Army). Fox should have used "Special Ops" as the generic term. Why does Fox hate the Army and the Navy?

  34. OneYieldRegular

    A translation: We at FOX News have just carelessly outed the alleged author of a Navy SEALS tell-all book about the Osama Bin Laden operation, putting that person's life in jeopardy, but we did it because we thought we could use it to embarrass Obama, which is our primary function, but having now seen that Al Queda hasn't hesitated to use our carelessness to go after said person, we need to somehow attempt to show that President Obama respects the troops less than we do.

  35. Dr. Nick Riviera

    The people most uptight about this are people not actually in the military. When Obama said the army had AK47s, my cousin's braindead friends all chimed up with variants of "Well, despite all his fancy education, he doesn't even know what gun the military carries!"

  36. Dr. Nick Riviera

    OT, has anyone else had difficulty with posting from mobile devices? Every post I made said "Comment Deleted by Administrator" I fretted all night i had angered our Editrix :(

  37. Guppy

    "General," "admiral," all that matters is that both mean the same thing to Barry: "subordinate."

  38. DahBoner

    The only General these yahoos recognize is General Lee, and that's only because of Daisy Duke

  39. JustPixelz

    I've never been in the military, but my understanding is that if your Commander-in-Chief calls you General instead of Admiral, the correct response is "Yes Sir".

  40. thurufally

    Okay, Obama misspoke, but, for fux sake, the last two guys you put up for president were male cheerleaders! Iron them out! Iron them out! Smoooooooth!

  41. ttommyunger

    As a former Field Marshall in the Underground Balloon Corps, I resents the allegations-and the alligator…

  42. Negropolis

    Just wait until president Romney gets in there. It'll be Elder-this, and Bishop-that, and Apostle-whashisface.

  43. glamourdammerung

    The difficulty with this is that William McRaven is and [sic] admiral not a general. As a SEAL, he is [sic] member of the US Navy, not US Army or US Marines.

    Last time I checked, the Marines were still part of the U.S. Navy.

    Also, at least President Obama did not out a Seal (or even a CIA agent) in order to try to get them killed because of having a tantrum over losing a presidential election.

  44. polnick

    Only an idiot would want American troops sent home, and the sales of planes and tanks to Arabs ended. It would result in 100 thousand unemployed veterans and another 10 million heavy weapon workers to become pan handlers and bums. The idea is disastrous. Peaceniks must mind their own business, enjoy their weed, and thank God for creating Middle-Eastern enemies.

  45. polnick

    Visitors to school lunch rooms and supermarket checkouts lines can hear the hungry saying: “Thank you Obama for picking up the tab”. EBT debit cards owners are also grateful for their lives being made easier. He has fed millions of stomachs that once growled with hunger; Obama can be thanked for being the best free food provider in American history.

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