Romney: Har Har, Look At That Kenyan!

  what's a matter can't take a joke?


Oh we get it. Mitt Romney’s a dick!

See, it’s funny because people are racist!

If you care, Romney’s people like immediately walked it back, with a very compelling “he didn’t say that.”

[ThinkProgress/NYT]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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208 comments

    1. Antispandex

      Well, thank god Barry isn't a woman too, because we know how the Teapublicans have been treating THEM lately.

    1. WABishop

      Anyone, meeting Mitt Romney for the first time:
      " 'Mitt'? Is that short for 'Mitchell'? " Mitt explains.

      Then, if both are white:
      "Named after a football player? That's great!"

      If Mitt were black, however:
      "That's not an American name, now, is it?"

  1. Barb_

    No one's asked to see Mitt Romney's birth certificate. Also, no one asked to see Mitt Romney in general.

    Tweeted by:Indecision ‏

    1. chicken_thief

      We can only hope. However, there appears to be an unlimited supply of PAC money at his disposal.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Unfortunately no, not yet. Maybe there's still time. Also, profited from the fetus disposal business would be good.

    2. Chichikovovich

      That's a very good point. I don't remember ever hearing of anyone asking Obama if he traveled to a foreign country that was at that very moment confronting a crisis, including a coup d'etat, brought on by the struggles of its African colonies for freedom, and preached for several years the doctrine that Africans are marked by God as inferior and that interracial marriage is a sin.

      Edit: Nor do I remember Obama being asked if he had ever remained on a church mission significantly longer than his own church required, while coincidentally that mission work allowed him to dodge the Vietnam War.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        A war that he was on record as supporting as a douchey little freshman at Stanford, before he transferred to whitey U where he led the booster club for white's only sports teams.

  2. Dr_Zoidberg

    I can only paraphrase Ann Richards – 'Poor Mittens, he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.'.

    1. miss_grundy

      Yes, he was born in a Mormon community in Mexico and actually ran for president. I guess at the time no one bothered to ask him for his birth certificate a million times.

    1. MittBorg

      Well, there's a LOT more, but in the interests of not, you know, cascading rivulets of blood out of one's torn stump of a neck after the old head explodes around the fourth page …

      You get my drift.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Certificate of Manufacture. Usually these are riveted on. If his is not, I will gladly volunteer to do it.

      1. Wadisay

        If I have to hear you go on one more time about how appropriate the tree height is, so help me, I'll scream.

  3. bumfug

    What Mitt Romney will never get is that Americans love nothing more than to see rich, pompous assholes slip on dogshit and fall into a manhole. He will keep this shit up until November when he finds out exactly how much he's despised.

    1. Misty Malarky

      Yep. Chaplin, Keaton, Lloyd, and most comedians of the silent screen understood the love of Americans to see fat cat blowhards make fools of themselves, preferably if it involved a banana peel.

    2. miss_grundy

      But I want him to slip on the dogshit and fall into a bigger pile of dogshit, or fall through the manhole straight into the sewer line. And if a gigantic pane of glass could fall on him and cut him into pieces, that would be nice too.

  4. Oblios_Cap

    Aides to Mr. Romney, whose father, George Romney, was the state’s governor, scrambled to walk back his comments, saying he was simply sharing his Michigan pride.

    Ah, Michigan. Where the trees are all the right height.

    The Boston Butt speaks.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Aides to Mr. Romney, whose father, George Romney, was the state’s governor, scrambled to walk back his comments, saying he was simply sharing his Michigan white pride.

      Fixed.

  5. calliecallie

    Obama campaign sez “…But Governor Romney’s decision to directly enlist himself in the birther movement should give pause to any rational voter across America.”

    There is SO much about Rmoney and the Republicans that should give pause to any rational voter across America.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      And does give pause to all the rational voters across America.

      The problem is how many irrational voters there are.

  6. prommie

    Said Romney's spokesman afterwards: "who are you going to believe, me, or your lying eyes and ears?

      1. prommie

        I been distracted since then by a concatenation of unikely events. Truly I will one day soon, sir.

  7. PeaceWithHonor

    Dick. Asshole. Fuckwad. Douche. Dickweed. Asswipe. Cocksucker. Motherfucker. Asshat. Republican.

    1. bibliotequetress

      "Dick. Asshole. Fuckwad. Douche. Dickweed. Asswipe. Cocksucker. Motherfucker. Asshat. Republican. But I repeat myself." –Mark Twain, if he were alive today

  8. belmontreport

    Man, I love how proud they all are at publicly laughing at a racist joke. Except the one lady that looked around to make sure everyone else was laughing, too. Deep down, I believe that lady knows that she is a racist and that is wrong.

    Not really. They're all racist assholes.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    This was enough for Paul Ryan — subject of recent headlines for letting a woman of color maybe date him — to temporarily shelve the Galt and just go hide in the Gulch.

  10. anniegetyerfun

    I've asked to see his birth certificate a number of times, but the cops keep telling me to stop following the Romney bus. Also, to wear pants.

    Fascists.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      When exposed genetalia
      really start to ail ya
      Use a pants cannon
      If from their shirt down to their toes
      They're totally exposed
      Use a pants cannon
      It may be harsh that's true
      But you're spoiling my view
      With a range of fifty feet
      It'll Cover up bad meat
      Pants Cannon! Pants Cannon!

      Refrain
      It may be charged with air
      Or even TNT
      But it's making the world better
      For folks like you and me
      It's a slacks delivery gun
      Putting pantsless on the run
      Pants Cannon! Pants Cannon! Pants Cannon!

      When you're seeing a free willy
      From someone just dressed silly
      Use a pants cannon
      If he's dressed like Donald Duck
      But doesn't give a fuck
      Use a pants cannon
      When cover up's the goal
      Then call the pants patrol
      They'll get there really fast
      To cover the bare-assed
      Pants Cannon! Pants Cannon!

      Refrain

      When a shirted guy is loose
      And you don't want sofas juiced
      Use a pants cannon
      If you're looking at a penis
      Or somebody's mons venus
      Use a pants cannon
      If you cover up your tits
      Cover other naughty bits
      Please don't be a jerk
      That fashion look don't work
      Pants Cannon! Pants Cannon!

      Refrain

      (Probably in G. Toying around with the arrangement. Viva Pants!)

  11. Dumbedup

    Consider for a moment: President Willard Romney. Every fucking day for four years. Let that sink in. Send money to Obama now.

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Can't talk to Romney about abortion.

    Can't talk to him about Bain.

    Can't talk to him about horses or dogs.

    Can't talk to him about being Governor of Massachusetts,

    Can't talk to him about Romneycare.

    Can't talk to him about being a Mormon.

    Can't talk to him about his former position on gay rights.

    But you can talk about his birth certificate all you want.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Paul RAyn won't answer questions about trying, along with Todd Akin, to change the Medicare abortion exception for "forcible" rape.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        He's guaranteed to be a superdouche for 5 years or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.

  13. MittBorg

    Romney is the fucking hind leg of the capitalist running dog here. AAAARRRRGGGHH. I was just trying to keep from exploding while reading this story over on TPM, and now this. Excuse me while I pop an artery.

    1. RadioBowels

      He's more like the anal gland of the capitalist running dog.
      Remember, first aid first, apply pressure to the wound.

  14. UnholyMoses

    Mitt Romney: "Did you notice that the President's a nig–**DING!!"**

    Crowd: "What he'd say?"

    Romney Adviser: "The President is 'near.'"

  15. SorosBot

    He actually makes me miss John McCain, who at least repudiated the racist elements among his supporters where Romney is embracing them. Of course McCain's running mate embraced them too.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      Me too. McCain doesn't bring the hate out of me like the Mitt-Wit. I just can't tolerate the crowd that McCain hangs out with.

    2. miss_grundy

      But McCain chose to "educate" the stupid white bitch who said the President was a Muslim too late in the game. After all he had Sarah Barracuda out getting the white trailer trash all riled up. So, as far as I'm concerned, no points for him. I only hope that the President call pull this out and win, despite all the hater PAC money that's being thrown against him. Scalia's head would probably explode. (Good riddance to bad rubbish!)

  16. Mumbletypeg

    Mr. Obama… has long faced “birther” rumors from those who falsely question whether he was actually born in the United States.

    "Falsely" question, my ass. Deliberately question, with intent to smear, is more like it.
    The only thing falsified in the whole birther charade is the platform of imitation-grade righteousness from which these asshats make such assertions.

    ETA: fuckin' adjectives. How do they work.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      It has been abundantly clear for a long time that Team Romney will deliberately exploit the patently racist "otherness" aspect with which they hope to tag Obama. I don't care where Romney was born, but he should take his sordid millions and get the fuck out of this country for stooping to this.

  17. sharethegrief

    Might as well get honest here. Akin was. This isn't fringe anymore.
    I hate Romney for his emptiness.. He's now bending all the way over and he doesn't even feel it.

  18. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I bet Mitt is really fun at parties with his lamp shade on head, pretending someone is grabbing his butt and the ever popular firing the help.

  19. La_Cieca

    “Ann was born in Henry Ford Hospital. I was born in Harper Hospital. No one’s ever mistaken either of us for a kike or a beaner. They know that this is the place that we were born and raised,”

  20. Ruhe

    Mitt! Quit trying this angle! You can talk all you want about where you and Anne were born and you're just like all of us but really you're not like all of us! Because, Mitt, we don't poop candy!

  21. docterry6973

    So Romney's spokespeople immediately assure us that he never said what he just said on tape. Who has the better sense of humor, Romney or his spokesmen?

  22. Poindexter718

    Born and raised in Michigan yet soon to be summarily rejected by its voters.
    That must hurt.

    1. miss_grundy

      Oh, you would be surprised at the number of asshats who would vote for this douchebag in Michigan. Michigan has always been Republican, even though the Republicans have never done anything to help the blue-collar class in this state. Believe me, when I tell you, stupidity REIGNS here!

  23. Chet Kincaid_

    So is Mitt finally making peace with his Inner Asshole? It has been a long struggle to suppress the overt expressions of his Core Jerkitude since high school, but I guess he's willing to let it all hang out, now. Anything's better than that dumb, uncomfortable grin, I guess.

  24. BlueStateLibel

    Huh, Mitt was just complaining a few weeks ago that Hopey was being mean to him and playing dirty. Remember this: "President Obama’s campaign and his surrogates have made wild and reckless accusations that disgrace the office of the Presidency. .. This is what an angry and desperate Presidency looks like."

    Mitt Romney is angry and desperate.

  25. Weenus299

    He may have been smart enough to bloat companies with debt and sell them off or whatever, but as a campaigner he is a complete idiot.

  26. C_R_Trogloraptor

    Oh shut up, you insufferable sociopathic patrician blowhard, you.

    Wait. On second thought, keep talking. Thanks!

    1. MittBorg

      It's hard to decide, huh? The more he talks the higher my blood pressure rises. OTOH, the more he talks the more feet he needs extracted from his asshole, I mean, mouth.

      1. C_R_Trogloraptor

        I have had to seriously limit my exposure to political current events news sources lately. I'll never make it to November – sane or otherwise.Let alone afterwards.

        1. MittBorg

          (Hugs the CRE) I've decided I should finish reading all my back issues of Science News. Also, too, finally taking pitchers wiv my new camera. Much more fun than listening to shit fall out of Republicans.

          1. C_R_Trogloraptor

            Thanks! As your Internet Invertebrate I advise you to visit Wonkville daily, to read all the interesting/hilarious/disturbing Science linkys I obsessively post there.

  27. sullivanst

    No, we haven't been asking for your birth certificate, just your TAX RETURNS.

    Whereas Obama went to extraordinary lengths to publish his birth certificate, you have gone to extraordinary lengths to try to justify your decision not to reveal your returns. Asshole.

    1. Callyson

      I wouldn't be surprised if Mittens releases a couple of years' worth of tax returns the weekend before the election, in time for the yabbering idiots in the media to talk about his doing so but too late for serious journalists to look at them and see what tricks he was able to pull with his money.

      Asshole.

      1. sullivanst

        It does seem that Romney's campaign strategy is based on the assumption that he can do and say whatever the hell he wants and the press will never call him out on it, and that this assumption so far has proven largely accurate.

  28. Antispandex

    There was once a time, here in the place where Mitt was born and raised, when he would have just called him Barry a nigger. Now, black people are even allowed into Mitts church, sort of. That's the kind of progress that makes this the forth or fifth best industrialized country in the world!

    1. Tundra Grifter

      If I remember "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" correctly (and it has been quite some time since I read it), he thought Ovid, Michigan, was one of the most racist places in the United States.

  29. Mumbletypeg

    Romney’s people like immediately walked it back

    To be fair: these handlers only took the job originally because they were told it was a programmed robot, and nothing is supposed to go wrong with template-based, mechanically driven, test-piloted American manufactured, preprogrammed tools for success.

  30. RadioBowels

    I heard this on the way into work on Russ, and he was like "yeah, right on, right on."
    I. Am. Trying. Not. To. Explode.

  31. HarryButtle

    Oh fer fuck's sake. The worst part is the walk-back afterwards. Just own it, Mitt. Your knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing constituency will love you all that much more.

  32. Chet Kincaid_

    This is only the beginning! The convention is right around the corner, and when they get that speaker/audience feedback loop of hate going, Talking Points Memo won't even be able to keep up with all the racist gaffes!

  33. gullywompr

    You just know Bamz is going to vaporize him on this with another haymaker joke. Willard need to keep his day job (unemployed millionaire), and stop bringing a knife to a gun fight.

  34. Limeylizzie

    Wasn't it yesterday that his campaign was crying about some comments on a blog about Mormonism? What a fucking, self-absorbed, shallow, lip-smacking, tax-evading cunt he is and Mrs.Cunt as well.

  35. Misty Malarky

    Oh, great. __Now we get days and days of Fox and Friends spitting outrage about all the mean and hypocritical liberals being mean and hypocrytical at Mitt 'cause everybody knows he was just funnin' and besides Al Franken once cracked a Caspar Weinberger joke back in 1986.

  36. smitallica

    Yes, Mitt, as a rich white person, it's so hard to get the benefit of the doubt in America.

  37. Birther Headlines

    I am a member of a forum that tracks every move of the birthers, from ballot challenges to Orly Taintz.

    I'm not trying to spam, but I also have an aggregation website that is a perfect tracker of all birther and birther-leaning politician's activities. It contains feeds to every single anti-Obama birther blog and a lot of cool pics of Orly Taitz meeting with Reince Priebus, T-Paw, Newty, Rick Perry and plenty other GOP politicos. I put reports on ballot challenges against President Obama usually before anyone else as I have friends in most states who attend these hearings and many of them are actual lawyers, lol.

    Depending on your perspective and level of wake-n-bake, my aggregator can be quite hilarious.

    Please come visit at: http://birtherheadlines.com

  38. mosjef

    Romney's birf certificate clearly states that his father was George Romney and his mother was a standard poodle.

  39. VeraSevera

    This from a man whose great-grandaddy had 6 wives in Mexico. Which one was *really* his mother? Let's see him prove it!

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Not to be a party pooper, but Obama's grandfather was pretty much in the same league, wife-wise. Perfectly OK in Kenya, of course, but that makes it hard to get traction with the polygamy routine.

  40. RWRyley

    I really lose faith in the system when I see or hear guys like Romney playing with the whack-job far right wing of the Republican party. Seems like he not only put the family dog on the top of his car, he also seems eager to send dog whistle messages to hate wing of his support base.

    I believe in calling a spade a spade. Fact is Mitt Romney is nothing more than a gutless punk who has flip-flopped his way through politics never taking a real stand on a single issue.

    As much as both Bushes and McCain were not my cup of tea, I'd be the first to admit that you least knew where they stood. When a unique moment in history required taking a stand that might offend their base, they did it. Romney hasn't. He is, pure and simple, one of the most amoral characters to come down the pike ever. He will literally say or do anything to become president. The scary part is that it just might work.

  41. mustangsavvy

    The only question any sane person ever wants to ask Mitt is "So, you're a total wanker. How does that make you feel?"

  42. FieryLocks

    "No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate."–Rmoney

    Yeah, Mitt…it helps to be white and come from a wealthy family.

Comments are closed.