FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY!  2:15 pm August 24, 2012

Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Party Planner (And Prizes!)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Wonkete party ChicagoRemember when we made our own fake Kickstarter, because the real Kickstarter did not think that going around the country throwing parties was “performance art”? (WHATEVER.) Well, we promised you many gifties, which we have yet to deliver, so let us tell you News about them, and announce who won the chance to decide where the bonus Drinky Thing would be!

Those of you who kicked in your Benjies: We are printing up your totes right now, from the saddest cheapest slave laboriest Internet purveyor we could find!

Those of you who gave twentieses, one of you got to choose a party place, and that person is Wonkette reader CHOW YUN FLAT, who CHOSE CHICAGO! Is January a good time to come to Chicago do you think? It is, right, we will love it? Hooray! (Haha, we are not coming to Chicago in January; maybe May?) We will also send all of you stickers, because how fair is it that people who gave a dollar got stickers and you did not?

Everybody, we will send you your shwag in September, like with the Big Rollers.

IN THE MEANTIME! We have a site for our Atlanta Drinky Thing; it will be at Manuel’s Tavern (sorry, TTommy) on Sat., Sept. 1. We will get there early, like at six, to buy you your beers and fried things.

And to remind you, our Tampa party will presumably go off (if we are not still stuck in the Charlotte airport) on Tues., Aug. 27, at MacDinton’s.

Stay tuned for updates on Charlotte, DC, Philly and New Yawk City. We will find some places and stuff, eventually. Mama’s got shit to do. In the meantime, by all means, feel free to send more muneez. You guys aren’t the cheap dates we assumed you’d be!





Rebecca Schoenkopf,
Editrix

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 103 comments }

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Rebecca, you are working too hard on this Friday.

KeepFnThatChicken August 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Is it too late for this so-called "goddamn Wonkette totes bag"?

Monsieur_Grumpe August 24, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I took the cheap route. I crossed out Target on my tote bag and wrote in Wonkette with a black marker and glued some sparkles on it.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:38 pm

BLINGEE!

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I was going to use my Nina Totenbag from the last NPR pledge drive and put Rebecca's face on it instead.

commiegirl99 August 24, 2012 at 2:32 pm

It's never too late … for now!

blatherous August 27, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I want a bag that says "How Rude!"

Well, it doesn't SAY that but its printed on the side…

Antispandex August 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Will you be bringing your own riot police to these "thingies" or is that picture just a teaser? Also, Denver, forgotten again, too. Was it that shooting? It was the shooting, huh? Look Aurora is really far from Denver…well, downtown Denver…naw, bring the riot cops.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:39 pm

A taser teaser?

WABishop August 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm

You misspelled "Boston" there. Three times.

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I just kicked in a few dollars; have a round on me, Atlanta.

WordSaladNation August 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I can't wait for my tote bag. I bought a pedestal and some footlights and made a little Wonkette shrine!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 24, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Are these legitimate or illegitimate drinky thingys?

And when the heck are you going to get up to Seattle to make us legitimate? Will we have to use force?

Terry August 24, 2012 at 2:28 pm

I'm looking forward to the DC area party. I'd like to put some faces to the screen names finally! One suggestion: Let's not have the gathering at a place frequented by the LNS gang or interns. I'd feel compelled to shoot some whiskey then tell those kids what their mothers should have.

finallyhappy August 27, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I'm going to the Atlanta one because I will be away for the DC one. We should have a wonkette get together in Silver spring sometime!

SayItWithWookies August 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm

You guys aren’t the cheap dates we assumed you’d be!

Ha. A long while ago, an ex-gf got me and my roommate to help her move a few blocks to her new apartment with the enticement of either fifty bucks or drinks on her. Fifty dollars was a lot of dough back then, but we took the drinks anyway, and the next time she moved, she asked some other folks and bought them a couple six-packs and a pizza.

SorosBot August 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Unfortunately, most of the bars I know well in Philly are probably too small for the drinky thing; but I'm trying to think of a good recommendation.

MissTaken August 24, 2012 at 2:32 pm

The place in SF was as small as the Vous so don't let that stop you from making recommendations.

SorosBot August 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

And you all fit in there? That's impressive. Though I don't know if it would be kosher to recommend the place where I'm a regular & the staff all knows me.

At least the Philly one is currently scheduled for a Tuesday, so wherever it ends up shouldn't be all that crowded.

SayItWithWookies August 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

What — you're afraid your fellow Wonketteers will wreck the place, throw up on the bathroom floor and ruin your rep forever? We're not that bad — and personally, I can only manage that level of mayhem on New Year's Eve, Halloween, St. Patrick's Day, Bloomsday, Boxing Day, the various Solstices and Equinoxes, an occasional weekend in the summer and a few special birthdays. I've been slowing down.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm

And Tuesdays. Also, Wednesdays. Maybe most Thursdays

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Norm!!!!!

emmelemm August 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I have donated some munies, because the Seattle (unofficial) drinky thingy was so much fun.

I want everyone to have a Wonkette drinky thingy! You get a thingy, and you get a thingy, and you get a thingy….

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Some of our thingies are on the outside and some are on the inside.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

And sometimes, they're both!

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I am so goddamn bummed that I missed it.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2012 at 3:10 am

"You get a thingy, and you get a thingy, and you get a thingy…. "

So it's that kind of party.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I just donated but I'm not worried. The debt is sure to be expunged in the inevitable bankruptcy.

Editrix,
Have you ever thought about doing a subscription type donation thingy. Most of us bleeding heart liberals already do this for NPR and public TV.

ps – nevermind. If you do this you will start doing pledge drives and then I will have to kill myself.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Pledge drives could involve nudity.

Stay tuned

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 2:45 pm

"Did you know that user contribution make up 65 percent of our operating budget. Also, only 10 percent of users give. Can you take 60 seconds to make sure this valuable service is available for years to come. A small gift, of say, 10 cents a day will go a long way to continue this trusted site. Of course, you can give at any level.

And to show our appreciation, you can pick from a list of Thank You gifts. Call now. Volunteers are standing by.

Now, back to the programming you so richly deserve and rely on."

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Sally Struthers, is that you?

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I even listen to NPR during the Membership Drives. Yes, I'm a nerd.

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Is the possible September meet-up in our area on or off? Weej had said it might be a possibility. It's my last chance to meet people before a baby rips open my nether regions and I have to stay home and take care of a squalling little communist and my ruined lady parts.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I know I mentioned to weejee that we might be able to do one at my place of employment. I have since come to realize that it might not be a good idea to have my company's name come up in a post, as my company gets rather butthurt about "brand perception" and might not want to be associated with commies and skullf*ckers. It can probably still be done, I'm just not sure about the logistics.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Plus, I would really like to meet you before your lady parts are ruined.

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Well, we could hide the name of the location, maybe (Weej mentioned it, but I'll be quiet)? Or find a place that is absolutely rife with skullfucking communists? Like The Herb Garden? Those French commies are raising goddamn TRUFFLE pigs.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm

anyone charging those prices cannot be communist. If you, or anyone else would like to discuss this further, I can be reached at bigdumbreddog@gmail.com. I tried making an aol account, just for lulz, but the goddamn website froze up and then when i tried again it said my username was already used. no wonder nobody uses them.

savethispatient August 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Don't forget you'll probably also have to recover from the shame of pooping yourself in front of your husband. Assuming he's being all modern and in the room with you, and not in a pub with a big cigar and a large whiskey, as God intended.

Sorry, anyway, I'm all for another Seattle meetup.

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Seriously, I don't think I've even farted in front of the man yet. My hope is that he will faint really early on in the delivery process and be moved on a nice, comfy couch at the other end of the room.

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I heard a story from a guy … his wife was in labor and they were at the hospital. She was nervous so he went to hand her his lucky silver dollar as something to hold onto (I guess it made sense at the time). Well, just as she was reaching for it – contraction. So she grabbed his hand and broke it. He had to be taken off and treated for the broken hand during the delivery.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can always cause serious bodily injury – that should get him out of the room.

banana_bread August 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm

OMG CHICAGO Y'ALL. AbandonHope and my fine self will be ALL UP IN THAT SHIT. I know that's what you have been waiting to hear.

fuflans August 24, 2012 at 5:17 pm

yes!yes!yes!

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

*tapping fingers*

I can't fucking believe fucking TAMPA gets you before I do, Editrix.

I mean, before NYC does

SkinnyNerd August 24, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Oh great. Now I have something else to worry about. Maintain internet anonymity or show up to the party. Is there a way I can have both? Can I show up with a bag over my face?

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 3:14 pm

If that makes you feel better about the buttsechs, sure – wear the bag.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

God knows, I'll be wearing condoms over all extremities.

You know, just in case.

banana_bread August 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

p.s. Chow Yun Flat, you get a drink from me!

mrpuma2u August 24, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Yes from me as well, all praises to CYF for representing to da fullest for da windy city. We will show these "outside agitators" a rockin' time.

fuflans August 24, 2012 at 5:18 pm

chow yun flat gets a kiss from me.

;)

mrpuma2u August 24, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Chicago is great to drink in during January. You won't feel the frostbite if you get drunk enough. With global warming it prolly only be in the low 40's just like last year. Real winters are over.

thurufally August 24, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Next time lets have a drinky thing AND a smokey thing! I'll host.

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

No offense but, your avatar — similar to when catching a glimpse of Gov. Brewer's face — is causing me to consider giving up ciggies.

thurufally August 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Are you making fun of my twin sister?

fartknocker August 24, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I also donated for all of those drinky thingys on the East Coast. Fartknocker wants to buy the 1st round and I know how much ya'all drink (hooray Beer!).

Now, on a more serious note, when are we going to have a drinky thingy in Texas? We have excellent bars, guns, women with big hair, tattoos and sometimes hurricanes.

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Obama-sent hurricanes? Those are the only kind I want to get trapped in.

LibertyLover August 24, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Hey. We allow our Guns in Bars here in Arizona… and most of the women don't have big hair, but they have big fakey boobies. But make sure you bring your papers.

fartknocker August 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

While I've never got to play with them I do enjoy the ability of modern health care to allow women to purchase bolt-on breasts of a size and style they desire. And you are correct, I do enjoy looking at the women when I fly through Skyharbor airport.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Looks like I picked the wrong year to give up Snap-On tools…

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

If the Editrix is trying to fill that winter schedule, she could do a lot worse than come to Texas. Save Chicago for when it warms up, like June.

RadioBowels August 24, 2012 at 2:40 pm

THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!
THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!
THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Don't threaten me with a good time

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 2:45 pm
ttommyunger August 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I'll be there. Nothing against Manuel's, I am, after all, a white male, a liberal and old.That fucking place wouldn't exist if it weren't for people like me… Won't be wearing a sports coat, turtle neck and penny loafers (with no socks), though. You're passing up a Million Dollars of free advertising, just so you know.

Boojum August 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I'll see you there. I will not, repeat not, make jokes in which the riders of the asphalt plain appear in a less than favorable light.

ttommyunger August 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I wouldn't recognize a favorable light if we're as bright as the Sun. Rarely been seen in one.Sent from my iPhone

Nothingisamiss August 25, 2012 at 6:17 am

SO excited about our own drinky thingy!

Nothingisamiss August 25, 2012 at 6:17 am

Maunel's…home of a thousand memories and hundreds of bad decisions. (And that was just me in my twenties.)

finallyhappy August 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I'll be there . Also from what I read, I will be the oldest woman there.

LibertyLover August 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Will there be tiny umbrellas for the drinky things?

Pres.Beeblebrox August 24, 2012 at 2:56 pm

At least it wasn't Buffalo, in January.

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm

The bison flies at night.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I did not see Minneapolis on that list. Winter will be here in couple of days…

fuflans August 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

come on down and join us monsieur!

i'm losing mr fuflans to MN this w/e. this will be a fair exchange.

CheeseBro69 August 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm

What about San Francisco?!

DahBoner August 24, 2012 at 4:18 pm

We're doing a startup in San Jo, them flipping it?

commiegirl99 August 24, 2012 at 6:12 pm

You're kidding right? You guys got yours last month! GREEDY.

muthalovin August 24, 2012 at 3:09 pm

You know where a nice place to drinky is in January? Austin. Jus' sayin'.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Not Honolulu?

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Agreed. My one & only visit there, we got to watch Bammerz's inauguration televised. Pub was full capacity by 9:00 a.m, spilling out into back lot by showtime (extra tv's broadcast on their deck). Strangers sharing booths and making room so people could squirm back/forth to rest rooms. Felt cold even for Texas but no one was complaining.
And I'm sure it's friendly as that during the regular season, too.

DahBoner August 24, 2012 at 4:20 pm

TX is not as warm in the winter as HI, CA, AZ, FL…the list goes on and on

fartknocker August 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Agree. We should do a ATX meet-up at The Tavern, 12th/N. Lamar. Excellent pub grub and distilled spirits.

Jennyjen798 August 24, 2012 at 7:28 pm

AUSTIN GODDAMMIT! Who knows, maybe we can catch Gov. Good Hair with one of his boyfriends!

Cheer Up Charlies, also. Too.

Tribbz August 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I was going to try for Atlanta but things aren't working out. First, I have Shinglez on my frapping head and may never go out in public again. Second, the cars are not in good enough shape to make the three or so hour drive and it looks like all our extra rainbow money will be going to repairs. I wish Knoxville(The Bistro at The Bijou? Huh? Huh?) were on the agenda. I could just wear a hat and hitch a ride. Anyway, back to medications and avoiding bright lights.
I am disappoint.

fartknocker August 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Tribbz

I had the shingles in my 30s and it sucked. I hope your meds are working and get well.

fuflans August 24, 2012 at 5:23 pm

please do not hold this downtown or anywhere near joe fucking walsh.

unless some of you feel stabby.

(i mean stabby with words of course.)

banana_bread August 24, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Well that rules out pretty much everywhere, haha. Unless you mean downtown as in the Loop and not like the whole of Chicago.

Me, I vote Roscoes because there will be zero idiot wingnuts at Roscoes.

fuflans August 24, 2012 at 11:54 pm

yes i mean downtown.

i would vote four moon or konaks. but then i would, wouldn't i?

mustangsavvy August 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Fuck me, you're coming to Chicago?!?! I better shave then. And break out the formal thongs. Oh relax perverts, I'm Aussie so by "thongs" I mean "flip flops".

To be honest, I'm a bit scared to come to the Wonkette Drinky Thing! You're all liberals and I've been told things about The Libruls. Like, you're all gay or something? On second thoughts….the Drinky Thing sounds like fun! Glitter for everyone!

Pap Finn August 25, 2012 at 4:29 am

Manuel's Tavern is one of the few truly venerable institutions left standing in this sprawling office park of a city. Excellent choice. I live less than 5 minutes from it, and would be there with bells on at 6:00 sharp if I didn't have a gig in Athens that night – goddamnit.

Nothingisamiss August 25, 2012 at 6:21 am

As I said up thread, for me Manuel's is a home to a thousand memories and hundreds of bad decisions. I can't believe you have a gig that night…..Doesn't everything shut down for a Wonkette thingy? Have people no sense of shame?

finallyhappy August 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Wow, going to Greece, awesome. I am coming from DC for the event!

Pap Finn August 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Ha! I wish. I meant Athens, GA. :-)

Have fun at Manuel's!

Redgyal August 25, 2012 at 7:33 am

Still avoiding Texas.

BeefHardcake August 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

You all will NOT be disappointed. In our deep sadness (not really) at being considered flyover by the Real Important People on the coasts, we in Chicago have responded by creating some of the best drinking and eating establishments known to mankind.

(All snark aside, FUCK YEAH.)

CivicHoliday August 26, 2012 at 11:21 am

Methinks Chi-town is as close as you'll ever get to St. Louis, so I guess I'll have to plan a roadtrip up there

lulzmonger August 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

The Wonkette is not there to create disorder – the Wonkette is there to maintain disorder.

SayItWithWookies August 24, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Not Tuesdays — that's Scrabble night.

emmelemm August 24, 2012 at 3:00 pm

You don't drink on Scrabble night? It's ever so much more fun.

SayItWithWookies August 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Oh I drink — I just don't wreck the place. Maybe if we got a board with the insets so the tiles wouldn't move, but we like the classic board.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Words with Fiends *hic* Juss shayin…

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Logical next step: Wonkette Scrabble Tourneys. It's got "S-A-T-I-R-E" written all over it.

SayItWithWookies August 24, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Oh, cool link. I was in that situation last game — whatever six-letter word I played, I had a U also and was certain I could make a 7-letter word out of it. Despite my frantic shuffling, it was not to be.

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 5:21 pm

no wonder nobody uses them

My mom libel!

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