fight for your right to party!

Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Party Planner (And Prizes!)

Wonkete party ChicagoRemember when we made our own fake Kickstarter, because the real Kickstarter did not think that going around the country throwing parties was “performance art”? (WHATEVER.) Well, we promised you many gifties, which we have yet to deliver, so let us tell you News about them, and announce who won the chance to decide where the bonus Drinky Thing would be!

Those of you who kicked in your Benjies: We are printing up your totes right now, from the saddest cheapest slave laboriest Internet purveyor we could find!

Those of you who gave twentieses, one of you got to choose a party place, and that person is Wonkette reader CHOW YUN FLAT, who CHOSE CHICAGO! Is January a good time to come to Chicago do you think? It is, right, we will love it? Hooray! (Haha, we are not coming to Chicago in January; maybe May?) We will also send all of you stickers, because how fair is it that people who gave a dollar got stickers and you did not?

Everybody, we will send you your shwag in September, like with the Big Rollers.

IN THE MEANTIME! We have a site for our Atlanta Drinky Thing; it will be at Manuel’s Tavern (sorry, TTommy) on Sat., Sept. 1. We will get there early, like at six, to buy you your beers and fried things.

And to remind you, our Tampa party will presumably go off (if we are not still stuck in the Charlotte airport) on Tues., Aug. 27, at MacDinton’s.

Stay tuned for updates on Charlotte, DC, Philly and New Yawk City. We will find some places and stuff, eventually. Mama’s got shit to do. In the meantime, by all means, feel free to send more muneez. You guys aren’t the cheap dates we assumed you’d be!

Rebecca Schoenkopf,

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      I took the cheap route. I crossed out Target on my tote bag and wrote in Wonkette with a black marker and glued some sparkles on it.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I was going to use my Nina Totenbag from the last NPR pledge drive and put Rebecca's face on it instead.

  1. Antispandex

    Will you be bringing your own riot police to these "thingies" or is that picture just a teaser? Also, Denver, forgotten again, too. Was it that shooting? It was the shooting, huh? Look Aurora is really far from Denver…well, downtown Denver…naw, bring the riot cops.

  2. Terry

    I'm looking forward to the DC area party. I'd like to put some faces to the screen names finally! One suggestion: Let's not have the gathering at a place frequented by the LNS gang or interns. I'd feel compelled to shoot some whiskey then tell those kids what their mothers should have.

    1. finallyhappy

      I'm going to the Atlanta one because I will be away for the DC one. We should have a wonkette get together in Silver spring sometime!

  3. SayItWithWookies

    You guys aren’t the cheap dates we assumed you’d be!

    Ha. A long while ago, an ex-gf got me and my roommate to help her move a few blocks to her new apartment with the enticement of either fifty bucks or drinks on her. Fifty dollars was a lot of dough back then, but we took the drinks anyway, and the next time she moved, she asked some other folks and bought them a couple six-packs and a pizza.

  4. SorosBot

    Unfortunately, most of the bars I know well in Philly are probably too small for the drinky thing; but I'm trying to think of a good recommendation.

    1. MissTaken

      The place in SF was as small as the Vous so don't let that stop you from making recommendations.

      1. SorosBot

        And you all fit in there? That's impressive. Though I don't know if it would be kosher to recommend the place where I'm a regular & the staff all knows me.

        At least the Philly one is currently scheduled for a Tuesday, so wherever it ends up shouldn't be all that crowded.

        1. SayItWithWookies

          What — you're afraid your fellow Wonketteers will wreck the place, throw up on the bathroom floor and ruin your rep forever? We're not that bad — and personally, I can only manage that level of mayhem on New Year's Eve, Halloween, St. Patrick's Day, Bloomsday, Boxing Day, the various Solstices and Equinoxes, an occasional weekend in the summer and a few special birthdays. I've been slowing down.

          1. SayItWithWookies

            Oh, cool link. I was in that situation last game — whatever six-letter word I played, I had a U also and was certain I could make a 7-letter word out of it. Despite my frantic shuffling, it was not to be.

  5. emmelemm

    I have donated some munies, because the Seattle (unofficial) drinky thingy was so much fun.

    I want everyone to have a Wonkette drinky thingy! You get a thingy, and you get a thingy, and you get a thingy….

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "You get a thingy, and you get a thingy, and you get a thingy…. "

      So it's that kind of party.

  6. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I just donated but I'm not worried. The debt is sure to be expunged in the inevitable bankruptcy.

    Have you ever thought about doing a subscription type donation thingy. Most of us bleeding heart liberals already do this for NPR and public TV.

    ps – nevermind. If you do this you will start doing pledge drives and then I will have to kill myself.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      "Did you know that user contribution make up 65 percent of our operating budget. Also, only 10 percent of users give. Can you take 60 seconds to make sure this valuable service is available for years to come. A small gift, of say, 10 cents a day will go a long way to continue this trusted site. Of course, you can give at any level.

      And to show our appreciation, you can pick from a list of Thank You gifts. Call now. Volunteers are standing by.

      Now, back to the programming you so richly deserve and rely on."

    2. anniegetyerfun

      Is the possible September meet-up in our area on or off? Weej had said it might be a possibility. It's my last chance to meet people before a baby rips open my nether regions and I have to stay home and take care of a squalling little communist and my ruined lady parts.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I know I mentioned to weejee that we might be able to do one at my place of employment. I have since come to realize that it might not be a good idea to have my company's name come up in a post, as my company gets rather butthurt about "brand perception" and might not want to be associated with commies and skullf*ckers. It can probably still be done, I'm just not sure about the logistics.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Well, we could hide the name of the location, maybe (Weej mentioned it, but I'll be quiet)? Or find a place that is absolutely rife with skullfucking communists? Like The Herb Garden? Those French commies are raising goddamn TRUFFLE pigs.

          1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

            anyone charging those prices cannot be communist. If you, or anyone else would like to discuss this further, I can be reached at I tried making an aol account, just for lulz, but the goddamn website froze up and then when i tried again it said my username was already used. no wonder nobody uses them.

      2. savethispatient

        Don't forget you'll probably also have to recover from the shame of pooping yourself in front of your husband. Assuming he's being all modern and in the room with you, and not in a pub with a big cigar and a large whiskey, as God intended.

        Sorry, anyway, I'm all for another Seattle meetup.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Seriously, I don't think I've even farted in front of the man yet. My hope is that he will faint really early on in the delivery process and be moved on a nice, comfy couch at the other end of the room.

          1. HistoriCat

            I heard a story from a guy … his wife was in labor and they were at the hospital. She was nervous so he went to hand her his lucky silver dollar as something to hold onto (I guess it made sense at the time). Well, just as she was reaching for it – contraction. So she grabbed his hand and broke it. He had to be taken off and treated for the broken hand during the delivery.

            I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can always cause serious bodily injury – that should get him out of the room.

  7. banana_bread

    OMG CHICAGO Y'ALL. AbandonHope and my fine self will be ALL UP IN THAT SHIT. I know that's what you have been waiting to hear.

    1. SkinnyNerd

      Oh great. Now I have something else to worry about. Maintain internet anonymity or show up to the party. Is there a way I can have both? Can I show up with a bag over my face?

    1. mrpuma2u

      Yes from me as well, all praises to CYF for representing to da fullest for da windy city. We will show these "outside agitators" a rockin' time.

  8. mrpuma2u

    Chicago is great to drink in during January. You won't feel the frostbite if you get drunk enough. With global warming it prolly only be in the low 40's just like last year. Real winters are over.

  9. fartknocker

    I also donated for all of those drinky thingys on the East Coast. Fartknocker wants to buy the 1st round and I know how much ya'all drink (hooray Beer!).

    Now, on a more serious note, when are we going to have a drinky thingy in Texas? We have excellent bars, guns, women with big hair, tattoos and sometimes hurricanes.

    1. LibertyLover

      Hey. We allow our Guns in Bars here in Arizona… and most of the women don't have big hair, but they have big fakey boobies. But make sure you bring your papers.

      1. fartknocker

        While I've never got to play with them I do enjoy the ability of modern health care to allow women to purchase bolt-on breasts of a size and style they desire. And you are correct, I do enjoy looking at the women when I fly through Skyharbor airport.

    2. HistoriCat

      If the Editrix is trying to fill that winter schedule, she could do a lot worse than come to Texas. Save Chicago for when it warms up, like June.

  10. ttommyunger

    I'll be there. Nothing against Manuel's, I am, after all, a white male, a liberal and old.That fucking place wouldn't exist if it weren't for people like me… Won't be wearing a sports coat, turtle neck and penny loafers (with no socks), though. You're passing up a Million Dollars of free advertising, just so you know.

    1. Boojum

      I'll see you there. I will not, repeat not, make jokes in which the riders of the asphalt plain appear in a less than favorable light.

      1. ttommyunger

        I wouldn't recognize a favorable light if we're as bright as the Sun. Rarely been seen in one.Sent from my iPhone

    2. Nothingisamiss

      Maunel's…home of a thousand memories and hundreds of bad decisions. (And that was just me in my twenties.)

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Agreed. My one & only visit there, we got to watch Bammerz's inauguration televised. Pub was full capacity by 9:00 a.m, spilling out into back lot by showtime (extra tv's broadcast on their deck). Strangers sharing booths and making room so people could squirm back/forth to rest rooms. Felt cold even for Texas but no one was complaining.
      And I'm sure it's friendly as that during the regular season, too.

    2. fartknocker

      Agree. We should do a ATX meet-up at The Tavern, 12th/N. Lamar. Excellent pub grub and distilled spirits.

      1. Jennyjen798

        AUSTIN GODDAMMIT! Who knows, maybe we can catch Gov. Good Hair with one of his boyfriends!

        Cheer Up Charlies, also. Too.

  11. Tribbz

    I was going to try for Atlanta but things aren't working out. First, I have Shinglez on my frapping head and may never go out in public again. Second, the cars are not in good enough shape to make the three or so hour drive and it looks like all our extra rainbow money will be going to repairs. I wish Knoxville(The Bistro at The Bijou? Huh? Huh?) were on the agenda. I could just wear a hat and hitch a ride. Anyway, back to medications and avoiding bright lights.
    I am disappoint.

    1. fartknocker


      I had the shingles in my 30s and it sucked. I hope your meds are working and get well.

  12. fuflans

    please do not hold this downtown or anywhere near joe fucking walsh.

    unless some of you feel stabby.

    (i mean stabby with words of course.)

    1. banana_bread

      Well that rules out pretty much everywhere, haha. Unless you mean downtown as in the Loop and not like the whole of Chicago.

      Me, I vote Roscoes because there will be zero idiot wingnuts at Roscoes.

  13. mustangsavvy

    Fuck me, you're coming to Chicago?!?! I better shave then. And break out the formal thongs. Oh relax perverts, I'm Aussie so by "thongs" I mean "flip flops".

    To be honest, I'm a bit scared to come to the Wonkette Drinky Thing! You're all liberals and I've been told things about The Libruls. Like, you're all gay or something? On second thoughts….the Drinky Thing sounds like fun! Glitter for everyone!

  14. Pap Finn

    Manuel's Tavern is one of the few truly venerable institutions left standing in this sprawling office park of a city. Excellent choice. I live less than 5 minutes from it, and would be there with bells on at 6:00 sharp if I didn't have a gig in Athens that night – goddamnit.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      As I said up thread, for me Manuel's is a home to a thousand memories and hundreds of bad decisions. I can't believe you have a gig that night…..Doesn't everything shut down for a Wonkette thingy? Have people no sense of shame?

  15. BeefHardcake

    You all will NOT be disappointed. In our deep sadness (not really) at being considered flyover by the Real Important People on the coasts, we in Chicago have responded by creating some of the best drinking and eating establishments known to mankind.

    (All snark aside, FUCK YEAH.)

  16. CivicHoliday

    Methinks Chi-town is as close as you'll ever get to St. Louis, so I guess I'll have to plan a roadtrip up there

  17. lulzmonger

    The Wonkette is not there to create disorder – the Wonkette is there to maintain disorder.

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