can we talk about the national weather service?

Ol’ Rush Limbaugh Pretty Sure Obama Behind Tampa’s Republican Convention Hurricane

IlluminatoYargle bargle floop, word word word.

LIMBAUGH: So we got a hurricane coming. The National Hurricane Center, which is a government agency, is very hopeful that the hurricane gets near Tampa. The National Hurricane Center is Obama. It’s the National Weather Service, part of the commerce department. It’s Obama.

Here, you can have the whole thing, for “context.”

The media, it’s all about the hurricane hitting next week, and they’re not talking about Biden, they’re talking about this Hurricane Isaac thing. Well, you know, we who live in south Florida become experts. We don’t need the National Hurricane Center, and we don’t need all these weather dolts analyzing this for us. Well, we need the center, we can look at their charts and graphs, we know what to do, we can read the stuff. I’ve been tracking the charted forecast track of the storm, and they’re moving it sometimes to the east. The latest, 11 o’clock, they moved it to the west as a cat 1 impact in Naples, Fort Myers area.

This morning at five a.m., the impact was Miami. We’re still not talking about ’til next Tuesday, so it’s gonna be all over the ballpark between now and then. We don’t know where this thing is gonna hit. The models are moving it more and more out into the Gulf. I wouldn’t be surprised if this thing hits in Louisiana someplace when it’s all said and done. Just kidding. Nobody knows, but they’re desperately hoping, they’re so desperately hoping for Tampa. The media, you know, I can see Obama sending FEMA in in advance of the hurricane hitting Tampa so that the Republican convention is nothing but a bunch of tents in Tampa, a bunch of RVs and stuff. (laughing) Make it look like a disaster area before the hurricane even hits there.

Eh. Needz moar Freemasons.

[MediaMatters, via PoliticsUSA]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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179 comments

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Mine was already spoiled by news of the shooting near the Empire State Building, Lance Armstrong's wins getting stripped, and voter suppression, so I took the plunge.

      Trust me, there's nothing but duckspeak. Fat, unhinged pig needs to shut his fucking mouth.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Nope … the fat unhinged pig is doubling down:
        "I wonder if Obama's constant warfare on bosses and so forth might have led this guy to pull the trigger?"

        –Rush Limpballs, on the Empire State Building shootings.

  1. hagajim

    Jeeezus on a Joystick! I think Ol' Rushbo just talked himself into a fat, addicted pretzel with an asshole (him that is). That made no sense at all. EIB my ass.

  2. freakishlywrong

    Really, fat boy? I fucking LIVE in the Bay area and I'd pay good money for a direct hit downtown. Suck on that, asshole.

    *Except for Becca and Newell, of course.

      1. Barb_

        NounVerb911, if Clinton thought there was any sort of serious blowing going on he'd be the first person to don a FEMA cap and arrive.

    1. sewollef

      "What kind of coldhearted bastard President would send FEMA to help anyone?"

      Well, not George W. Bush that's for sure. Not before he's had a really good look around from 35,000 ft.

      1. Terry

        Then, he and Turd blossom would send the aid first to the areas with Republican elected officials.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Don't you see? They are sending FEMA so they can convert the convention center into a giant FEMA detention camp, locking up Romney, Ryan and the rest of the Republicans.

      Obama's plan is perfect!

    1. miss_grundy

      When did he start having an intelligent audience?? I hope the hurricane hits Tampa and blows all those asshats around. And then I want the President to send in FEMA and remind everyone how he looks after all Americans, not just the ones who vote for him, which will make those fracking haters in Tampa look bad.

  3. Nopantsmcgee

    You don't have to listen to it. Just read it while imagining a walrus with intestinal infections releasing gas and you pretty much got the same thing.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      If it involved the aforementioned walrus, then at least there'd be the chance of it being narrated by David Attenborough.

    1. Isyaignert

      Haha! Me too – I didn't listen because I have killed too many brain cells in my life as it is, but I would have fully expected the drug-addled gas bag to accuse Obama of having a hurricane-makin' machine that he's been waiting for the perfect time to use on his enemies.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I'd sooner cling to a cactus for floatation or land my chopper on a heap of radioactive rat dicks.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Everyone knows that NOAA has a liberal bias.

      PS – isn't there something you can do to make sure this thing hits Tampa?

      1. HistoriCat

        Tamps looks like it's just going to get rained on. The Alabama/Florida coast is looking more likely. Obviously God does not want Fakakta to come to the Tampa drinky.

    1. CarolinaStewPie

      There should be a jello wrestling match at the RNC with Christie and Limbaugh. The Freepers would explode with delight.

  4. SorosBot

    So Obama can control the weather; I guess that makes him a supervillain from an 80s cartoon. For one that was Cobra's plot in the second GI Joe miniseries.

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      GI Joe's were 12" tall, fully-articulable dolls that could seduce the panties off my sister's Barbies when I was a kid in the '60s. Those tiny figures in plastic bags you guys played with reflected the diminished expectations for your future in the Reagan era.

      1. Boojum

        My GI Joe's were treacherous bastards who, after I learned how to make a hangman's noose, were always getting convicted of treason.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          In the '60s, you had your bags of little green army men for cannon fodder. 12" action figures like G.I. Joe and Major Matt Mason were for 8 year old boys to pose while delivering stern and clipped adventure dialog, not for 40 year old Art Directors to clutter their offices with as hipster signifiers.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Republicans float out to sea and there are sharks to feed. God is efficient with calamities.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The GOP feeds this crap to the wingnuts for political gain, leaving the Onion free to provide the same material to liberals for laughs.

      (Sort of like Palin's word salad being recycled by Tina Fey. It's a win-win!)

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I thought one of those shoutbag pundits said they would move to Costa Rica if Barry got reelected?

      1. timbo71351

        This fat fuck said he would leave the US for Costa Rica if Obamacare was passed. Seems to me it's past time for him to pack up his shit and split. Of course, there are way too many brown people in Costa Rica for his liking.

  5. MissTaken

    We don’t need the National Hurricane Center, and we don’t need all these weather dolts analyzing this for us. Well, we need the center, we can look at their charts and graphs, we know what to do, we can read the stuff.

    Rush is your new weatherman because he can read charts and stuff.

  6. Baba_NinjaCat12

    They will use good ole 'Slop the Hog' Limbaugh as a flotation device to save the republicans from drowning.

  7. kittensdontlie

    Rush, a humorless dolt? His comment about the hurricane hitting Louisiana seemed to hit his funny bone.

    1. ph7

      It's already taken out his penis. It's just a matter of time before it chokes off the blood supply to the rest of him.

  8. C_R_Trogloraptor

    I'd laugh my ass off if Hurricane Isaac took an impossible eastward track and bulldozed over Limbaugh's disgustingly bloated Palm Beach Estate. Might even start believing in some form of beneficent Deity again.

    This Just In: Republican Platform Committee decides to protect Convention from Isaac by eliminating funds for the National Hurricane Center.

    1. sewollef

      Er…. wasn't the Commerce Department one of those federal departments the Republicans wanted to close, along with the Education Department of course. [Duh.]

      1. C_R_Trogloraptor

        Santorum wanted to eliminate the National Weather Service forcast office because he was very good friends with the guy who started Accuweather.

        And, yes, the Department of Commerce is always on their chopping block. No plan on who or what would take over all those tasks, of course.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          I thought it was because he was such good friends with the Guy-in-the-Sky who makes the weather. No need for a national weather service, when doG is telling the prez which way the wind will blow.

  9. badseeds

    No. The applying of the lit end of that cigar to the former site of that pilonidal cyst is Obama.

  10. MacRaith

    So Rush doesn't need the government meteorologists from the National Hurricane Center telling him where the hurricane is going to go. What he does need is the charts produced by those meteorologists that show where the hurricane is going to go, because those are in no way a product of government. OK, got it.

  11. Generation[redacted]

    Make it look like a disaster area before the hurricane even hits there.

    I thought Todd Akin already did that.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Weather, when you really get down to it, is pretty much the effect of hot air rising. Doesn't matter if the heated updrafts are caused by uneven heating of the Earth's surface or lunatic pundits.

  12. el_donaldo

    Yes, our president is an Angry African Weather God. As Boehner pointed out, he's behind the drought; as Limbaugh pointed out, he's the one now bringing the rain. Don't make him reach for the locusts or frogs, people.

    1. SavageDrummer

      I think it's fairly safe to say that the Republicans now thing we're living in the Marvel Universe and that Obama is actually Storm's secret identity…

      They're both blahs, what more do you people need?

      1. CommieLibunatic

        So, two questions: 1) Does that mean we get to see him in some ridiculous leotard of power? And 2) why am I feeling so hot and bothered all of a sudden?

  13. Nostrildamus

    I tried the audio but only got the sound of a phlegmatic walrus fapping. Did anyone else have this problem?

  14. mrblifil

    This is why we need to privatize weather services so that only people who can afford subscriptions on their iPads will know where the hurricanes will hit. After all this is NOT the Socialist People's Republic of America. Freedom (from horrifying death by hurricane force winds) is not free, my friends.

  15. BlueStateLibel

    "The National Hurricane Center is Obama." No, the Hurricane is GOD, come to deliver ultimate justice to the Republicans. Fixed.

  16. ph7

    Because weather prediction is science, it will be disregarded by the GOP whether Rush weighs in or not.

  17. Fare la Volpe

    I can see Obama sending FEMA in in advance of the hurricane hitting Tampa.

    Just like George W. Bush did with Katri–oh wait.

  18. PsycWench

    "I can see Obama sending FEMA in in advance of the hurricane hitting Tampa so that the Republican convention is nothing but a bunch of tents in Tampa, a bunch of RVs and stuff."

    As opposed to the bunch of empty suits that will certainly be there.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Also: Seriously? sending RVs and tents in ahead of a hurricane? Only a Republican could think that was a remotely viable plan.

      Heckuva job.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      I thought that having most of the population only able to afford living in tents was a part of this year's GOP platform?

  19. Baconzgood

    Hurricans start off the coast of Africa, Obama is Kenyan coincidence? We're through the looking glass here sheeple.

  20. Sue4466

    Through the transitive property of weather-controlling ability, Rush is clearly claiming Obama is God. So maybe the GOP will finally get off his back.

  21. Chichikovovich

    Look, I've raised two children, and I know that when you're dealing with irrational screamers, you have to pick your battles. So I think we should just concede this one to Rush.

    From now on, even if the NWS/CDC/etc. are confident with 99% certainty that a hurricane/tidal wave/plague of locusts (frogs, boils…)/Ebola virus/…. is heading toward some large concentration of Republicans, no warning should be issued. It's the least we can do, in the spirit of cooperation and good will.

  22. jtinks

    I guess Barry has gone from being one of your run-of-the-mill Kenyan socialist Merica-hatin' Islamists to kick-ass Bond supervillain with a weather machine.

  23. TootsStansbury

    Not gonna click the video clicky. Do not want to see this pustule limpblow thing poop out of his mouth hole. Nope.

  24. BarackMyWorld

    Manipulating the weather in a conspiracy to gain and keep power?

    I like how he makes Obama and Biden sound less like the President and Vice President, and more like Cobra Commander and Destro.

  25. MissTaken

    Rush likes hurricanes. It's the only water spray large enough to give him a complete shower.

    1. sewollef

      Unlike that other colossus of conservatism, Bobby Jindal, who probably has to run around in the shower to get wet.

      Ugh. The thought of either of them nekkid, makes my lunch want to evacuate…

  26. 1stNewtontheMoon

    While it'd provide America the necessary chance to start over if 15,000 of its worst humans were washed away after they knowingly and voluntarily migrated to a place as its being pounded by a hurricane, the republicans won't need any help from mother nature for Tampa and the RNC to come off like a train-wreck. It might provide a nice excuse for the train-wrecky-ness though.

  27. SigDeFlyinMonky

    In my efforts to explain the function of this bloating carbuncle on the body politic tothe less advantaged of my fellow citizens I rely on a sim

  28. Mumbletypeg

    Something I've been wondering…Seems what with as much as Mormonism has 'helped' with Mitt's PR and all. . . Haven't heard much from teh GLenn lately?

  29. PhilippePetain

    Obama controls hurricanes to beat Republicans up, God controls hurricanes to pay the gays back, therefore Obama = OH MY GOD I SEE IT NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

  30. Wadisay

    …but they’re desperately hoping, they’re so desperately hoping for Tampa.

    Rush is actually right about this: Cat 5, direct hit. (hangs head in shame)

  31. glamourdammerung

    The absolute worst part is that FEMA actually functions again now that Bush is out of office and the government will be "here to help" these scumbags instead of letting them enjoy dehydration, starvation, and "legitimate rape" on their "We Built It" stage.

    It really sucks being the better people every single time.

  32. Slim_Pickins

    If there is one thing conservatives of Rush's ilk can't deal with its uncertainty. He needs to know where Isaac is going to hit now or its the govmints fault.

  33. poorgradstudent

    Time to go for the nerdy pop culture reference gold…

    So is he really implying that the Weather Wizard and Mikkos Cassadine are Democrats?

  34. SigDeFlyinMonky

    In my efforts to explain the function of this bloviating carbuncle on the body politic to the less advantaged of our fellow citizens I use a simple declarative sentence, viz, "Nobody is paid that much money to tell the truth."

  35. C_R_Trogloraptor

    I've got news for you, Fat Boy: The Republican National Convention is going to be a Disaster all by itself, hurricane or no hurricane.

    "We don’t need the National Hurricane Center, and we don’t need all these weather dolts analyzing this for us. Well, we need the center, we can look at their charts and graphs, we know what to do, we can read the stuff. I’ve been tracking the charted forecast track of the storm, and they’re moving it sometimes to the east. The latest, 11 o’clock, they moved it to the west as a cat 1 impact in Naples, Fort Myers area."

    Hey, here's an Idea: Give the Charts and Graphs to Expert Meteorologist Rush Limbaugh for a season and put him in charge of forecasting for a season. Give the "Dolts" a rest.
    Oh, with the provision that, in case Limbaugh's laughably amateur forecasts are wrong, anyone who's property is damaged, loses a loved one or who's estate wants to is automatically granted compensatory payment from his accounts. Living people get to kick him in the Balls, but only once. It would be only fair.

  36. T3rbo

    Everyone knows that sodomy is the primary cause of hurricanes and/or earthquakes. Thanks a lot, gays

  37. LibrarianX

    The drugs have clearly eroded what was left of Limbaugh's brain. How long before he's eating the faces of homeless South Floridians?

  38. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Obama's plan is brilliant, send down FEMA, turn the Tampa Bay Convention center into a FEMA camp, and lock up Romney, Ryan and the rest of the Republicans.

    And it would have worked too, if it hadn't been for the meddling Rush Limbaugh.

  39. docterry6973

    We don't need these weather dolts analyzing this for us. We did fine without them. Why, just look at Galveston, in 1900.

  40. calliecallie

    Do you think if Obama really COULD control the weather, he'd do something as lame as rain on the Republican's parade/convention?

    Personally, I think he would make the glaciers freeze up again, make the plains moist and fertile for planting, raise the water in the Mississippi, bring snow back to the mountaintops, and bring unicorns back to the forest. For a start.

  41. GeorgiaBurning

    Solution- put Brownie in charge of the convention's disaster response team. He'll do a heckuva job.

  42. Dildeaux

    "I can see Obama sending FEMA in in advance of the hurricane hitting Tampa so that the Republican convention is nothing but a bunch of tents in Tampa, a bunch of RVs and stuff. (laughing) Make it look like a disaster area before the hurricane even hits there."

    Actually, this idea rocks ballz.

  43. smitallica

    Yes, Rush, that's it. Because the President of the United States has time to fuck with your little whites-only Tampa suck-party. You fat, disgusting shitbag.

  44. Tundra Grifter

    Nobody is pointing out that it was rather foolish to plan an event in the Caribbean during August. It's called Hurricane "Season" for a reason.

  45. Cheburashka64

    I'm confused. One rightwing a-hole says you women should all vote for Romney because he's rich and too manly to produce daughters with his sperm. And yeah, that's nice and all, but now another, much higher status rightwing a-hole tells us that Obama is harnessing the very forces of nature to smite his opponents. Now, I'm no expert in pop pseudo-scientific alpha-male theories, but I think controlling a hurricane is just tad more impressive than something that would randomly happen to one out of every thirty-two fathers of five.

  46. midnighttoker69

    I can't speak for the (liberal) media, I can only speak for myself, but I really am hoping this hurricane chases all these lying cocksuckers all the way to Georgia, but not before taking a detour through Rush's estate along the way.

  47. Incitefully_Joe

    I have to admit, against he backdrop of Mitt Romney himself adopting the birther crap, these continued claims that droughts and hurricanes are Obama's fault, because he's a Weather Witch, are downright refreshing.

  48. anniegetyerfun

    Hopefully, of course, Obama will have the foresight not to send any help at all to the Convention Hall.

  49. ttommyunger

    Rats! Rush has the goods on us! Burn the files, wipe the Hard Drives clean, close the offices, head for the hills!

  50. Gorillionaire

    Limpbaugh isn't afraid of the hurricane. He has an exact replica of the Hitler underground bunker below his McMansion. In fact he got the original contractor to build it – Prescott Bush's Hitler Bunker Builders. Quality stuff! "Red Army proof or your money back!"

  51. Troglodeity

    Dear National Hurricane Center: Could you please send the next hurricane to Nebraska? We could really use the rain. Signed, Dittohead

  52. tigernole

    i hope the hurricane locks in on his place in palm beach and levels it along with him. don't fuck with mother nature fatso

  53. mustangsavvy

    Obama = God in Rush's mind. Aww, someone's got a bit of a crush on our Hottie Presidente. This explains all. Hell hath no fury than a Limbaugh scorned.

  54. usuhname

    Rush doesn't seem so much dropped, but perhaps used as some kind of sports ball as a small child.

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