WINGNUT FURIOUS  11:18 am August 24, 2012

Deranged Former LA Times Writer Furious Obama Made Self-Deprecating Joke

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Ed AngerHello, former Laura Bush press secretary and also former LA Times politics blogger Andrew Malcolm! What are you mad about today? Is it that the campaign bus of history’s greatest monster, Barack Obama, did not stop at a little girl’s lemonade stand? No, that was last week? OK, then what? “Barack Obama actually said this,” your Investors Business Daily column is titled, with patent disbelief. But WHAT? What did he actually say? Let us read to the end, past the fact that he was raised by his grandparents because his parents “chose to be absent” (ouch!), past the Trumpian bitching about Bamz’s sealed school records, past how terrible he is for going to fundraisers even as he’s being outraised by the Adelsons of the world two to one, past how he is “doing nothing.” What, Andrew Malcolm? WHAT? What did he actually say???

Oh. Well, maybe next week Barack Obama will punch a little girl in the face. Here’s hoping!

[IBD]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 116 comments }

Come here a minute August 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

Andrew Malcolm wishes he was the most interesting person in the room at least sometimes. But he is not, even when he's alone.

RadioBowels August 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

He wouldn't even be the most interesting person in a nursing home.

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

I hear his shadow is even on vacation.

eggsacklywright August 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

He's just a Malcom-tent.

UnholyMoses August 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm

He is … the Least Interesting Man in the World.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"I don't always write a column…
But when I do, it's boring as fuck."

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Tim Pawlenty lib-zzzzzzz …

fawkedifiknow August 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Laura Bush's press secretary, huh? What did he do all day? Light her cigarettes and fix the martinis?

Butch_Wagstaff August 24, 2012 at 5:43 pm

He waxed her face, also.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

Wow. How egoistical is this Blah that we elected??? I mean, my GOD, he's in a room with a bunch of all star basketball players, screaming "LOOK AT ME!" and probably bragging about his jump shot.

kittensdontlie August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

No doubt he was talking trash, giving them a 'friendly' smacking on their tired old backs, a little push here or there buckling arthritic knees. Yea, this oBama, he is bad for blahs—(This ad is solely produced by and the work of White Americans for Prosperity).

Beowoof August 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

Andy, are you just pissed because you are always the least interesting person in the room. You need you meds adjusted.

littlebigdaddy August 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

You know who *else* used self-deprecating humor?

Beowoof August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Well Andy is self defecating, so there is an explanation for him acting like a pantload.

nounverb911 August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Jayne Mansfield?

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

She was self-scalpurated.

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

Malcolm strikes me more of the self-suppurating type.

chicken_thief August 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

Glenn Rice, after the Alaska Shoot Out?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

Chhinnamasta? Oops, sorry. She was Self-Decapitating.

UnholyMoses August 24, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Marie Antoinette, on the other hand, needed a bit of help …

DaveJ August 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

John the Baptist?

calliecallie August 24, 2012 at 12:13 pm

W?

CthuNHu August 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

HITLER!

No, wait, that was pretty much all other-deprecating. Kinda like Mr. Malcolm. Never mind.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Rodney Dangerfield?

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Seamus Romney?
Oh, no, wait — that was self defecating.

deanbooth August 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

What happened to Malcolm? He used to be more in the middle.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

Dewey reply to this or not?

boobookitteh August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

Hal, yes!

viennawoods13 August 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

That's as Lois we can go.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

I think if we Reese the skids, we can slide lower.

ManchuCandidate August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

It's been my observation that people who can not laugh at themselves act like they have or have a giant stick up their ass. Also have a massive insecurity complex. Doubly so for those who get upset at people making jokes about themselves.

nounverb911 August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

LA still has newspapers?

Callyson August 24, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Sam Zell keeps trying his best to destroy them, but the oldz still have the habit of reading them. The rest of us are impatiently waiting for him to get bored and sell the LA Times off to someone who actually gives a shit about journalism and news, as opposed to squeezing out short term profits by eviscerating the staff and slashing coverage of real news…

/rant over

NellCote71 August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

I thought Andy Rooney died?

chicken_thief August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Laura Bush had a press secretary? Who knew?!

nounverb911 August 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

Someone has to iron her underwear.

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

Someone had to interpret those vacant stares.

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

I have to add that if I was married to W, I'd want to leave my body too.

SavageDrummer August 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

He was likely in charge of administering the Thorazine that caused those vacant stares

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

Someone had to explain how she killed that guy that one time.

elviouslyqueer August 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Hey now. That liquor cabinet won't refill itself.

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 24, 2012 at 11:51 am

It's not like she can go out and score the weed herself.

RadioBowels August 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

Basketball luminaries = ni**ers

ph7 August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

Very uppity luminaries.

Rosie_Scenario August 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

Failed baseball players and such.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

Given we're not even close; I'm wondering what peak wingnut is going to look like?

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

Lubbuck?

Dumbedup August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

No, we are very near peak wingnut, the call to form militias and overthrow Obama if he wins is a sure sign. I think their whole carnival of freaks implodes very soon.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

Shit I hope so. It's like being trapped in a huge room with screeching 4 year olds.

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

Someone last thread or 2 mentioned Mark Sanford. That was the last time I can remember laughing at conservatardiness, with all the schadenfreude that merits a good belly-deep chuckle, without all the wincing and cringing and burst blood vessels that accompany the current viewing of their unfunny-clown rodeo now.
ETA: and even *that* was limited-funny, from Jenny Sandford's POV — compared w/ most she seemed like a fairly straight-shooting gal.

chicken_thief August 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

JUDGE HEAD LIBELZ!!!!!

SoBeach August 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

We got a pretty good taste of it with the Town Hall meetings in early 2009.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

It's going to look like the final page of Asimov's short story Nightfall.

I'm really not looking forward to it.

Terry August 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

I was kind of hoping that the tinfoil hattery about Obama's college transcripts was the peak. Alas, I predict the true peak will come in January when Obama is sworn in for a second term.

TootsStansbury August 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

My God…it's full of tards…

UnholyMoses August 24, 2012 at 12:45 pm

The Wingularity is, sadly, not quite here yet.

Sure, there's the talk of armed rebellion and secession and approving of rape, but … well, I'm afraid we're still a long way off. Mainly because too many people still buy their bullshit.

Until that stops and people actually abandon the party in enough numbers to get their attention, we'll continue to be subjected to their special blend of asshollery and douchebaggery.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Ryan's forehead?

ThundercatHo August 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

One-half white men can't jump.

elviouslyqueer August 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

Oh shut up, grandpa, and take your damn Metamucil.

SavageDrummer August 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

… It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die…

YES! I want to go to the toilet…

belmontreport August 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

Can you please tell me what I'm supposed to be upset about, because I'm a little confused. Probably drank too much of the Barry kool-aid.

Terry August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

You should be upset that Barry hasn't fully released his transcripts, documents that prove that all sorts of 60's radicals, Muslims, and liberals conspired from Barry's birth to make him President.

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

Humor, how does it work?

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

Andrew, do they allow you to "phone it in" often?

Exhausted66 August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

This made it onto my dipshit brother's facebook page. Followed by huzzahs about egomania from all of his dipshit friends.

Fuck these people, but not in the skull. Seriously.

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

Mr. Malcolm: Haystack on Line #1. It wants its needle back.

elviouslyqueer August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

But it's quite another to be in the presence of Michael Jordan and other NBA brethren, who've accomplished real things in their life's work that Obama could only dream of.

WOW. Andrew Malcolm actually said this.

boobookitteh August 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

That is astounding.

chicken_thief August 24, 2012 at 11:39 am

Say, like being President of the US, maybe? The pay isn't as good as the NBA, but the perks are sweet.

PsycWench August 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

What are these real things that the NBA brethren have accomplished?

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

Well, if one of them was Kobe Bryant, getting away with rape.

Graham Cracker August 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

That's "legitimate."

DaveJ August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

You obviously don't have access to Shawn Kemp's paternity documents, otherwise you simply would not be asking this question.

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

A lot of at-least-1/2-white people have been elected and served as president. How many can play in the NBA, huh?

CthuNHu August 24, 2012 at 12:46 pm

IF (If A, then B) AND B=(OBAMA BAD!!!!!!!1!!), THEN A=TRUE.

That is the law and the prophets of Republicanism. All the rest is commentary.

In this case, A=(Being an egregiously promiscuous black man who is paid millions to run around and jump and throw things is a far more admirable line on one's resume than the Presidency of the United States of America.)

Six years ago, this wouldn't have been true, but then six years ago there was a wonderful, brilliant and saintly man in the White House, and the overriding truth of the universe was not yet (NOBAMA BAD!! MUST KRUSH!! ALL BAD THINGS IS HUSSEIN SOETORO OBAMA HUSSEIN SOETORO OBAMA IS ALL BAD THINGS!!!1!).

The reason Bill Kristol (R-Palin) can present himself as the greatest Republican intellectual is that, well, frankly, he is.

chicken_thief August 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

Malcolm has a point – why has Hussein never been held to account for the failed marriage of his biological parents? Sure he appears to have a solid marriage now and two charming *though blah* daughters, but what about in the '60's when he failed to keep his parents together?! Where's the LONG FORM DIVORCE DECREE!!!!!121!!!!

pinkocommi August 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

To be fair, if Obama changed his name to Metta World Peace, he would be slightly more interesting.

Terry August 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

He should start drinking Dos Equis, too.

DaveJ August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

He did win the Nobel Peace Prize, though, so points for that.

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 11:58 am

Well, yeah, but he'll still be no Chocolate Thunder from planet Lovetron.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Any connection to Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk?:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crow_T._Robot

Jus_Wonderin August 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

Is this what senility is going to look like? I am skeerd.

mavenmaven August 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

How dare he say anything when not spoken to first by his masters! The nerve of some people!

Poindexter718 August 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

Short form: Uppity blah wuz uppity.

DonnyKerabotsos August 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

Does this mean that the special home brew from the White House is really Dos Equis?

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

According to the comments on the article, HIS EGO KNOWS NO BOUNDS AND HE IS AN INSUFFERABLE IDIOT THAT WE GET TO REPLACE IN NOVEMBER.

One lone, brave commenter is out there defending the joke, but I can't be bothered to register on Facebook to help him out. I am bad, I know, but Jesus.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 2:02 pm

The only thing that surprises me is that they didn't say A INSUFFERABLE IDIOT.

Baconzgood August 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

OMG!!!!!! Do you see what the POTUS said he didn't say!?!?!?!?! Fuck that shit man! I'm pissed that I didn't get angry before. Thank you Andrew Malcolm for articulating my outrage I'm not mad at!

Oblios_Cap August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

Investor Business Daily editorials make the WSJ's look like they written by liberals. It's the paper for the hyper-wingnutz.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:51 am

IBD suffers from IBS

bobbert August 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

This is the paper that pointed out that Stephen Hawking would have died if left to the terrible services of the NHS.

gogogodzilla August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

"I don't always drink Kool Aid, but when I do…"

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

That Obama is insufferably vainglorious. Just you wait: He'll be marching in a codpiece equipped flight suit across the deck of an aircraft carrier any day now.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

I'm looking forward to Obama making a smug, tactless and insulting Multimedia Presentation.

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Another Obama failure – in over three years, he never even managed to find the WMD that Bush hid in the Oval Office.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I hear tell it was smuggled over the border to Syria down the road to Cheney's Man-Sized Safe before January 20th.

philpjfry August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

I went to the article and saw the comments. Ya know, I shouldn't be surprised by how stupid, bigoted and just downright mean the tea tards are, but I am still depressed and breath a long sad sigh everytime I see what these morons have to say.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

Today, We They are all Ed Anger.

BZ1 August 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

In the midst of fulminating, he says "Although Obama's school grades remain sealed secrets…" what a maroon.

Not_So_Much August 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

In this piece, Andrew Malcolm doesn't say anything about how he likes to poop his pants then make murals on the walls from it for writing inspiration. He doesn't say that at all.

dcjdjay August 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Laura Bush's ex-press secretary. About as relevant as Laura Bush's eyebrow pencil.

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 24, 2012 at 12:23 pm

He actually wrote half of the article and other half with his head on the typewriter when he fell asleep.

CthuNHu August 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm

A: Romney
B: Romney
C: Romney

Tundra Grifter August 24, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Malcolm in the Muddle.

AlterNewt August 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

+1

Tundra Grifter August 24, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Who knew Wilford Brimley could write?

sullivanst August 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

IBD: WND with stocks. At least, I presume from the title they occasionally talk about stocks. I don't know, the WND shit keeps me away.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Wait, Barry the Muslim said, "interesting"???
And this, after Joe Biden said "father"???

What is it with these guys, always, you know, SAYING THINGS?
Welp, that settles it, blah blah blah, history's greatest monster.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

It should be explained that IBD is for people who think the Wall Street Journal is a Communist rag.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Upon finishing the column about President Obama and the pro basketball players, Andrew Malcolm commented, "At least it keeps them off the welfare and out of prison"

Then he hitched the waistband of his pants up to his rib cage and drove around town for three hours with his turn signal constantly blinking.

Pithaughn August 25, 2012 at 12:01 pm

And stopped at intersections where he did not have a stop sign. Which I can understand the first week after you move somewhere new, but WTF gramps, YOU WERE BORN HERE!!
sorry, olds driving super slow and stupid is a pet peeve.

AncienReggie August 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Whenever Andy walked into a room it felt like someone just left.

ttommyunger August 24, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I know what he wrote; what he was thinking: "Loose shoes, tight pussy and a warm place to shit."

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

OT but worth sharing:

"If your entire party tries to get rid of you, and you stay in, you can't talk about how easy it is for a woman to push a stupid prick out of her body." — Bill Maher

mcrummett August 24, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Barack Obama, (not) The Most Interesting Man in the World.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Heisenberg is not amused.

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