wingnut furious

Deranged Former LA Times Writer Furious Obama Made Self-Deprecating Joke

Ed AngerHello, former Laura Bush press secretary and also former LA Times politics blogger Andrew Malcolm! What are you mad about today? Is it that the campaign bus of history’s greatest monster, Barack Obama, did not stop at a little girl’s lemonade stand? No, that was last week? OK, then what? “Barack Obama actually said this,” your Investors Business Daily column is titled, with patent disbelief. But WHAT? What did he actually say? Let us read to the end, past the fact that he was raised by his grandparents because his parents “chose to be absent” (ouch!), past the Trumpian bitching about Bamz’s sealed school records, past how terrible he is for going to fundraisers even as he’s being outraised by the Adelsons of the world two to one, past how he is “doing nothing.” What, Andrew Malcolm? WHAT? What did he actually say???

Oh. Well, maybe next week Barack Obama will punch a little girl in the face. Here’s hoping!

[IBD]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Come here a minute

    Andrew Malcolm wishes he was the most interesting person in the room at least sometimes. But he is not, even when he's alone.

    • RadioBowels

      He wouldn't even be the most interesting person in a nursing home.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I hear his shadow is even on vacation.

    • eggsacklywright

      He's just a Malcom-tent.

    • UnholyMoses

      He is … the Least Interesting Man in the World.

      • tessiee

        "I don't always write a column…
        But when I do, it's boring as fuck."

      • HistoriCat

        Tim Pawlenty lib-zzzzzzz …

    • fawkedifiknow

      Laura Bush's press secretary, huh? What did he do all day? Light her cigarettes and fix the martinis?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        He waxed her face, also.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wow. How egoistical is this Blah that we elected??? I mean, my GOD, he's in a room with a bunch of all star basketball players, screaming "LOOK AT ME!" and probably bragging about his jump shot.

    • kittensdontlie

      No doubt he was talking trash, giving them a 'friendly' smacking on their tired old backs, a little push here or there buckling arthritic knees. Yea, this oBama, he is bad for blahs—(This ad is solely produced by and the work of White Americans for Prosperity).

  • Beowoof

    Andy, are you just pissed because you are always the least interesting person in the room. You need you meds adjusted.

  • littlebigdaddy

    You know who *else* used self-deprecating humor?

    • Beowoof

      Well Andy is self defecating, so there is an explanation for him acting like a pantload.

    • nounverb911

      Jayne Mansfield?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        She was self-scalpurated.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Malcolm strikes me more of the self-suppurating type.

    • chicken_thief

      Glenn Rice, after the Alaska Shoot Out?

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      Chhinnamasta? Oops, sorry. She was Self-Decapitating.

      • UnholyMoses

        Marie Antoinette, on the other hand, needed a bit of help …

    • DaveJ

      John the Baptist?

    • calliecallie

      W?

    • CthuNHu

      HITLER!

      No, wait, that was pretty much all other-deprecating. Kinda like Mr. Malcolm. Never mind.

    • tessiee

      Rodney Dangerfield?

    • tessiee

      Seamus Romney?
      Oh, no, wait — that was self defecating.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    What happened to Malcolm? He used to be more in the middle.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Dewey reply to this or not?

      • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

        Hal, yes!

        • viennawoods13

          That's as Lois we can go.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            I think if we Reese the skids, we can slide lower.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Heisenberg is not amused.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    It's been my observation that people who can not laugh at themselves act like they have or have a giant stick up their ass. Also have a massive insecurity complex. Doubly so for those who get upset at people making jokes about themselves.

  • nounverb911

    LA still has newspapers?

    • Callyson

      Sam Zell keeps trying his best to destroy them, but the oldz still have the habit of reading them. The rest of us are impatiently waiting for him to get bored and sell the LA Times off to someone who actually gives a shit about journalism and news, as opposed to squeezing out short term profits by eviscerating the staff and slashing coverage of real news…

      /rant over

  • NellCote71

    I thought Andy Rooney died?

  • chicken_thief

    Laura Bush had a press secretary? Who knew?!

    • nounverb911

      Someone has to iron her underwear.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Someone had to interpret those vacant stares.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I have to add that if I was married to W, I'd want to leave my body too.

      • SavageDrummer

        He was likely in charge of administering the Thorazine that caused those vacant stares

    • ChernobylSoup

      Someone had to explain how she killed that guy that one time.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Hey now. That liquor cabinet won't refill itself.

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      It's not like she can go out and score the weed herself.

  • RadioBowels

    Basketball luminaries = ni**ers

    • ph7

      Very uppity luminaries.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Failed baseball players and such.

  • freakishlywrong

    Given we're not even close; I'm wondering what peak wingnut is going to look like?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Lubbuck?

    • Dumbedup

      No, we are very near peak wingnut, the call to form militias and overthrow Obama if he wins is a sure sign. I think their whole carnival of freaks implodes very soon.

      • freakishlywrong

        Shit I hope so. It's like being trapped in a huge room with screeching 4 year olds.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Someone last thread or 2 mentioned Mark Sanford. That was the last time I can remember laughing at conservatardiness, with all the schadenfreude that merits a good belly-deep chuckle, without all the wincing and cringing and burst blood vessels that accompany the current viewing of their unfunny-clown rodeo now.
          ETA: and even *that* was limited-funny, from Jenny Sandford's POV — compared w/ most she seemed like a fairly straight-shooting gal.

      • chicken_thief

        JUDGE HEAD LIBELZ!!!!!

    • SoBeach

      We got a pretty good taste of it with the Town Hall meetings in early 2009.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      It's going to look like the final page of Asimov's short story Nightfall.

      I'm really not looking forward to it.

    • Terry

      I was kind of hoping that the tinfoil hattery about Obama's college transcripts was the peak. Alas, I predict the true peak will come in January when Obama is sworn in for a second term.

    • TootsStansbury

      My God…it's full of tards…

    • UnholyMoses

      The Wingularity is, sadly, not quite here yet.

      Sure, there's the talk of armed rebellion and secession and approving of rape, but … well, I'm afraid we're still a long way off. Mainly because too many people still buy their bullshit.

      Until that stops and people actually abandon the party in enough numbers to get their attention, we'll continue to be subjected to their special blend of asshollery and douchebaggery.

    • tessiee

      Ryan's forehead?

  • ThundercatHo

    One-half white men can't jump.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh shut up, grandpa, and take your damn Metamucil.

    • SavageDrummer

      … It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die…

      YES! I want to go to the toilet…

  • belmontreport

    Can you please tell me what I'm supposed to be upset about, because I'm a little confused. Probably drank too much of the Barry kool-aid.

    • Terry

      You should be upset that Barry hasn't fully released his transcripts, documents that prove that all sorts of 60's radicals, Muslims, and liberals conspired from Barry's birth to make him President.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Humor, how does it work?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Andrew, do they allow you to "phone it in" often?

  • Exhausted66

    This made it onto my dipshit brother's facebook page. Followed by huzzahs about egomania from all of his dipshit friends.

    Fuck these people, but not in the skull. Seriously.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Mr. Malcolm: Haystack on Line #1. It wants its needle back.

  • elviouslyqueer

    But it's quite another to be in the presence of Michael Jordan and other NBA brethren, who've accomplished real things in their life's work that Obama could only dream of.

    WOW. Andrew Malcolm actually said this.

    • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

      That is astounding.

    • chicken_thief

      Say, like being President of the US, maybe? The pay isn't as good as the NBA, but the perks are sweet.

    • PsycWench

      What are these real things that the NBA brethren have accomplished?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, if one of them was Kobe Bryant, getting away with rape.

        • Graham Cracker

          That's "legitimate."

      • DaveJ

        You obviously don't have access to Shawn Kemp's paternity documents, otherwise you simply would not be asking this question.

    • Chichikovovich

      A lot of at-least-1/2-white people have been elected and served as president. How many can play in the NBA, huh?

    • CthuNHu

      IF (If A, then B) AND B=(OBAMA BAD!!!!!!!1!!), THEN A=TRUE.

      That is the law and the prophets of Republicanism. All the rest is commentary.

      In this case, A=(Being an egregiously promiscuous black man who is paid millions to run around and jump and throw things is a far more admirable line on one's resume than the Presidency of the United States of America.)

      Six years ago, this wouldn't have been true, but then six years ago there was a wonderful, brilliant and saintly man in the White House, and the overriding truth of the universe was not yet (NOBAMA BAD!! MUST KRUSH!! ALL BAD THINGS IS HUSSEIN SOETORO OBAMA HUSSEIN SOETORO OBAMA IS ALL BAD THINGS!!!1!).

      The reason Bill Kristol (R-Palin) can present himself as the greatest Republican intellectual is that, well, frankly, he is.

  • chicken_thief

    Malcolm has a point – why has Hussein never been held to account for the failed marriage of his biological parents? Sure he appears to have a solid marriage now and two charming *though blah* daughters, but what about in the '60's when he failed to keep his parents together?! Where's the LONG FORM DIVORCE DECREE!!!!!121!!!!

  • pinkocommi

    To be fair, if Obama changed his name to Metta World Peace, he would be slightly more interesting.

    • Terry

      He should start drinking Dos Equis, too.

    • DaveJ

      He did win the Nobel Peace Prize, though, so points for that.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, yeah, but he'll still be no Chocolate Thunder from planet Lovetron.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Is this what senility is going to look like? I am skeerd.

  • mavenmaven

    How dare he say anything when not spoken to first by his masters! The nerve of some people!

  • Poindexter718

    Short form: Uppity blah wuz uppity.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Does this mean that the special home brew from the White House is really Dos Equis?

  • anniegetyerfun

    According to the comments on the article, HIS EGO KNOWS NO BOUNDS AND HE IS AN INSUFFERABLE IDIOT THAT WE GET TO REPLACE IN NOVEMBER.

    One lone, brave commenter is out there defending the joke, but I can't be bothered to register on Facebook to help him out. I am bad, I know, but Jesus.

    • tessiee

      The only thing that surprises me is that they didn't say A INSUFFERABLE IDIOT.

  • Baconzgood

    OMG!!!!!! Do you see what the POTUS said he didn't say!?!?!?!?! Fuck that shit man! I'm pissed that I didn't get angry before. Thank you Andrew Malcolm for articulating my outrage I'm not mad at!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Investor Business Daily editorials make the WSJ's look like they written by liberals. It's the paper for the hyper-wingnutz.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      IBD suffers from IBS

    • bobbert

      This is the paper that pointed out that Stephen Hawking would have died if left to the terrible services of the NHS.

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ gogogodzilla

    "I don't always drink Kool Aid, but when I do…"

  • Chichikovovich

    That Obama is insufferably vainglorious. Just you wait: He'll be marching in a codpiece equipped flight suit across the deck of an aircraft carrier any day now.

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      I'm looking forward to Obama making a smug, tactless and insulting Multimedia Presentation.

      • Chichikovovich

        Another Obama failure – in over three years, he never even managed to find the WMD that Bush hid in the Oval Office.

        • C_R_Trogloraptor

          I hear tell it was smuggled over the border to Syria down the road to Cheney's Man-Sized Safe before January 20th.

  • philpjfry

    I went to the article and saw the comments. Ya know, I shouldn't be surprised by how stupid, bigoted and just downright mean the tea tards are, but I am still depressed and breath a long sad sigh everytime I see what these morons have to say.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    Today, We They are all Ed Anger.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    In the midst of fulminating, he says "Although Obama's school grades remain sealed secrets…" what a maroon.

  • Not_So_Much

    In this piece, Andrew Malcolm doesn't say anything about how he likes to poop his pants then make murals on the walls from it for writing inspiration. He doesn't say that at all.

  • dcjdjay

    Laura Bush's ex-press secretary. About as relevant as Laura Bush's eyebrow pencil.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    He actually wrote half of the article and other half with his head on the typewriter when he fell asleep.

  • CthuNHu

    A: Romney
    B: Romney
    C: Romney

  • Tundra Grifter

    Malcolm in the Muddle.

    • AlterNewt

      +1

  • Tundra Grifter

    Who knew Wilford Brimley could write?

  • sullivanst

    IBD: WND with stocks. At least, I presume from the title they occasionally talk about stocks. I don't know, the WND shit keeps me away.

  • tessiee

    Wait, Barry the Muslim said, "interesting"???
    And this, after Joe Biden said "father"???

    What is it with these guys, always, you know, SAYING THINGS?
    Welp, that settles it, blah blah blah, history's greatest monster.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It should be explained that IBD is for people who think the Wall Street Journal is a Communist rag.

  • tessiee

    Upon finishing the column about President Obama and the pro basketball players, Andrew Malcolm commented, "At least it keeps them off the welfare and out of prison"

    Then he hitched the waistband of his pants up to his rib cage and drove around town for three hours with his turn signal constantly blinking.

    • Pithaughn

      And stopped at intersections where he did not have a stop sign. Which I can understand the first week after you move somewhere new, but WTF gramps, YOU WERE BORN HERE!!
      sorry, olds driving super slow and stupid is a pet peeve.

  • AncienReggie

    Whenever Andy walked into a room it felt like someone just left.

  • ttommyunger

    I know what he wrote; what he was thinking: "Loose shoes, tight pussy and a warm place to shit."

  • tessiee

    OT but worth sharing:

    "If your entire party tries to get rid of you, and you stay in, you can't talk about how easy it is for a woman to push a stupid prick out of her body." — Bill Maher

  • mcrummett

    Barack Obama, (not) The Most Interesting Man in the World.