SIT N SPIN  10:34 am August 24, 2012

Mitt Romney Won’t Release Tax Returns Because He Doesn’t Want To Brag About His Charity

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Well-done, me!Is this the most masterful bit of spin in world history? Does it beat, say, explaining why how you dropped 20 points in three days means your opponent should get out of the race? YES. IT DOES. Here is His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney explaining that he wants to keep his tithing between him and God, and that’s why you can’t see his tax returns:

In an interview with Parade Magazine that will be published Sunday, Romney explains that the Church keeps those records private. His and Ann Romney’s donations are “a very personal thing between ourselves and our commitment to our God and to our church.”

One of the downsides of releasing one’s financial information is that this is now all public, but we had never intended to our contributions to be known.

That is kind of odd, because he was bragging all last week about how his “charitable” (to his church) contributions, when coupled with the actual taxes he paid (which he claims were never less than 13 percent, and YOU WILL BELIEVE HIM), took him “well over 20 percent”! (Of course, it didn’t, because charitable contributions get scooped off the top and you don’t pay taxes on them, so he is like double-counting, but whatevs, Mitt Romney is a businessman, not a medical doctor and/or accountant!)

Anyway, we now know why Mitt Romney is being so super-shady about his tax returns, still, and that is because he doesn’t want you to know what a great guy he is. Do your charitable works under a bushel basket, or something, the Torah says. And when the Torah says “jump,” Mitt Romney bombs Iran.

[Gawker]

 

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{ 201 comments }

ChillBill August 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

Once again, asseyes: your Mormon Tithe is NOT CHARITY.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 10:44 am

Are you saying the Mormon Church is not a non-profit entity legally, or that you just don't think it should count as one? (And if you answer "yes" or "AOTK", I will punch you.)

GunToting[Redacted] August 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

For a non-profit entity, they sure seem to generate a shit-ton of revenue, which they use to build shopping centers and suppress teh GHEYZ.

OneDollarJuana August 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

Wait, was that the Mormon or Catholic church you were talking about? Or any one of the Evangelical churches?

GunToting[Redacted] August 24, 2012 at 10:57 am

Good point, but the Mormons seem to be the current undisputed champions. The Whore of Babylon is resting on all the loot pillaged during the middle ages, and the Evangelicals (AFAIK) don't require 10% off the top.

Isyaignert August 24, 2012 at 12:04 pm

All of the above Katie.

ChillBill August 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

What I'm saying is that tithing is a requirement in the Mormon church.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

Tithing is required in a lot of Christian denominations as well. Are you saying that because it's "required," one's religious giving doesn't make one a "swell guy"? People also have the choice of leaving that religion if they don't like the requirement, so in that sense, it's voluntary.

But we all know he's a jerk, so it's moot.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:06 am

In the LDS, it's excommunicable to fall short of tithing. I'd call that "require". Many evangelical churches have tithing too, but it's not a mortal sin to miss.

ChillBill August 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

What I'm saying is that Charity…wait a minute, are you just fucking with me, Chet? This is some Reddit shit.

GunToting[Redacted] August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

I think what I'm saying is it's not a fucking TAX.

Lot_49 August 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

The zillions the Mormon Church "donated" to the Prop 8 campaign to overturn same-sex marriage in CA were purely political, and they ought to have their tax exemption lifted for it, but it's apparently just too much trouble.

reliefsinn August 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

No way! They are just defending their "relgious beliefs". Are you insinuating they are bigots of some sort?

usuhname August 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

no, no. of course not — just racist polygamous freakazoids.

Callyson August 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

The Bloomberg BusinessWeek article on them showed why they *shouldn't* be counted as such:

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-07-10/h

(Turns to her bad side to prepare for the punch…)

eggsacklywright August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

Tithes or GTFO.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

*polite golf clap*

NIcely played, sir (or madam)

Martini?

eggsacklywright August 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

Thank you.

I am a boy-person.

Bombay, TYVM. Although McCallan 12 is my preferred hard likker.

Generation[redacted] August 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

I'm sure he donates to lots of different legitimate charities, like Crossroads GPS.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

upfisted specifically for "asseyes".

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 10:37 am

In related news, Ryan kicked a grandmother in the stomach but doesn't want to brag about it.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

In related news, Ryan forced a 13 year-old to give birth to her father's baby, but doesn't want to brag about it.

thatsitfortheother1 August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

"Paul, why did you kick granny in the stomach?"

"She turned around."

WABishop August 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

In related news, Dick Cheney seized the reins of power to crush his enemies, see them driven before him, and to hear the lamentation of their women, but didn't want to brag — wait, yes, yes he did.

MLHencken August 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

Sources indicate that when examined for actual humanity, Mitt Romney scored at "well over 20 percent."

SavageDrummer August 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

I find that less likely than his extreeeeeeem charity being TOO extreeeeeeem for him to brag about…

MLHencken August 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

Extreme charity: tithing while base jumping off a cliff?

Be sure and drink a Mountain Dew when you land.

gogogodzilla August 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

Is that a passing score on the Voight-Kampf test?

RRoccoco August 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

Every day I say a novena that Harry Reid delivers his knock-out punch this week and reveals his source of information on Mitt's tax returns. C'mon, Harry! Right in the magic underwear!

Lot_49 August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

Saving it for an October surprise, perhaps.

hagajim August 24, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Imagine the irony of Harry the majik undies guy knocked Mittems out of his majik undies….Mormon internicine squabble.

sewollef August 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

OT, but important:

There's reports of a mass shooting in Manhattan. So far three dead, including the gunman. Right outside the Empire State Building too.

MLHencken August 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

Seems to be a case of a disgruntled worker:
http://gothamist.com/2012/08/24/five_shot_outside

OneDollarJuana August 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Guns don't kill people. Disgruntlement does.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

You'll notice gruntled workers never shoot anyone.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The shooter was 56 and got fired or laid off from his job?
He'll never work again — I mean, he wouldn't have, even if he hadn't shot anybody.
He probably hasn't had an interview since his job ended.
Not that I'm saying that makes it OK, but the manager who let him go for all intents and purposes ruined his life.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

Has Bloomberg blamed Obama yet?

Barb_ August 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

Has Bloomberg blamed a large soda yet?

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Give him credit: he'll blame guns and the NRA.

Goonemeritus August 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

Yes he is, If all Republicans were like him I would actually have to listen to their parties positions before I voted. As it is now I just check that the Democratic candidate hasn't shot anyone in the face recently.

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

Because that would be completely unwarranted and totally unfair.

We get it, Neilist, Jr.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

Why did you just do that?

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

Two dead: the gunman and the co-worker he shot. Only one or two others were shot as bystanders. The rest of the injuries appear to be from the panic the shooting created.

EDIT: Reports are that a bystander also might have died on his or her way to the hospital.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

How long before Bloomberg blames Elizabeth Warren?
~

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:08 am

Because she sang back up for the Village People?

SavageDrummer August 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

I'm pretty sure it's too soon to talk about this…

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 11:00 am
Steverino247 August 24, 2012 at 12:16 pm

That would be a really good reason to celebrate, but we're never going to make it.

DAMN YOU CHUCK HESTON! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Lot_49 August 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

Praise be to the NRA for ensuring that every dip-shit nut-job with a grudge can get his hands on a gun, even in NYC.

Oh, and SCOTUS is doing its part as well. Credit where credit is due!

sewollef August 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

Although Bloomberg hasn't said as much yet [since he obviously doesn't have the info], but it's becoming a given that guns used in shootings here in NYC almost always originate from out-of-state.

I know it's one of his pet peeves, but on this I agree with him [can't believe I just wrote that, but there it is...]. Ever since I came up close to much heavier munitions fired in city streets…. I've realised guns are bad, especially in the hands of regular citizens.

Gratuitous World August 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

awesome humblebrag, mitt!

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 10:40 am

Of all the smarmy, beguiling, crass shit I've ever read, this one just about tops it all.

SorosBot August 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

He doesn't want people to know how much he gives; particularly, he doesn't want the Church of Latter-Day Saints to know he's giving less than the required 10%.

eggsacklywright August 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

I think you're right. He's been stiffing the church.

SorosBot August 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

We can't be sure unless he actually does release his tax returns, but I think it's pretty likely; he's been stiffing the government for sure, so why wouldn't he stiff his church too.

BerkeleyBear August 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

He all but admits it. Tithing, if you follow the interpretation I've always been taught, is supposed to be 10 percent off the top. Not 10 percent of net, but gross, income and your entire wealth. So admitting his entire "charitable" effort is less than 7 percent of AGI, and includes non church efforts (mainly funding the Ann and Mitt Romney Foundation to sequester worthy funds from taxation, another lovely rich person tradition) is a tell that he's been stiffing the LDS for years.

kittensdontlie August 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

That guy is just a dick…not unlike cheney…nixon…armey…morris….lugar…etc.

Lot_49 August 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

Thus the Cayman Islands and Swiss bank accounts….ah ha!

jaytingle August 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

It could be that he tithed less than 10-percent, which might be okay with the Elders, as he is a Bishop; but it is bound to upset the plebes who fork over the full amount yet can't afford to marry in the Tabernacle.

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Now that would be interesting.

Gratuitous World August 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

some day the angel Moroni will descend and revel the golden tax returns to Harry reid. have faith.

OneDollarJuana August 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

But does Reid have the magic glasses so he can read them?

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Those X-ray specs are a total fake.

carlgt1 August 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

well his devout Mormonism really shines through on the recently released Bain docs showing how Mittens & Anntoinette Romney invest in "vice" (gambling, cigarettes, probably hookers too)

DerrickWildcat August 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

I paid taxes at about a 25% rate. However, if I added all the money I spent on beer last year it would be at about 43% tax rate.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

Drugs pushes me over 60%.

I want my taxes cut!

Oblios_Cap August 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

You're both pikers!

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

I'm not counting the hookers. That's charity work

PubOption August 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

Reminds me of Gladstone's comment that he only visited prostitutes to explain the error of their ways.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 11:27 am

For them.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:22 pm

a la Hermes Conrad:

Some of the t'ings i spent my money on were… uh… destroyed in a series of small fires, mon.

kittensdontlie August 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Beer accounting is a tricky tax topic. Although you buy it, actually it is only a rental.

ProgressiveInga August 24, 2012 at 10:41 am

Mitt is the most humble giver of givingness ever to wear magic panties.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 10:42 am

Who is he kidding? This fucker doesn't want people to know he's even MORMON. Lying sack of shite.

worrierqueen August 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

Being a severely compassionate conservative, he doesn't want us to worry about our taxes either which is why he's bringing back slavery.

rockyoumonkeys August 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

And how much does the mormon church pay in taxes? Hmmm?

HereKitty August 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

You know what else is "a very personal thing"? The contents of other people's uteruses.

weejee August 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

Only for 9 months, afterwards the protectors of life becomes defenders of the 'ol Sparky armchair.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:27 pm

For that comment, you get *people* tuna.

deanbooth August 24, 2012 at 10:44 am

So he should just release his returns with the itemized charitable deductions redacted. He'd do that, right?

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 10:44 am

I really wish Joseph Smith had found "PAY YOUR DAMN TAXES, MITT!" on those secret golden tablets in New Egyptian.

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

You see, children, when a billionaire daddy loves his money very much…

You guys are being so unfair. Everyone knows that rich folks are only to speak about their money in quiet rooms. Anything more would just be gauche.

Oblios_Cap August 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

He just doesn't want us know how much the "Church" fleeced him. It would go against the picture he has painted of himself being a "businessman".

Most religions are obviously hokum, but Mormomism is right up there with Scientology when you look at its origins. it's pretty obvious Joseph Smith was nothing but a bullshit artist.

Baconzgood August 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

But the Morman church really doesn't do anything charitable. They have no hopsitals do they? No food banks that I've heard of, no orphanages, no meals to wheels programs, etc., etc.

Biff August 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

Actually, they do. Rock Center last night dedicated the whole show to Mormons in America…

BerkeleyBear August 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

Yeah, and Lutherans have a whole Social Services wing, but you don't see anyone giving them a prime time special about it.

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Is a Lutheran running for president?

BerkeleyBear August 25, 2012 at 12:56 am

Only if you consider both Ryan and Biden bad Lutherans (as I do).

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

There was a whole show on Rock Center with Brian Williams, last night, detailing their charity. No snark.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Also, Brian Williams' nose is on sideways.
Just an observation.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

Errr, yea. They do

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

They do lots of charity work making sure that the gays can't marry.

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

They spend a hundreds of millions trying to convert people of other religions to Mormonism. This "recruitment" includes, as Sullivanst pointed out on in an earlier post – not just heathens and Catholics but good bible-believing Southern Baptists, Pentacostals, Missouri Synod Lutherans,…

pinkocommi August 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

They have an vast charity program… for Mormons. They have warehouses where poor Mormons can get food clothing and other items they need. And they have mental health programs for Mormons. And they love the boy scouts.

vtxmcrider August 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Participation in the mental health programs should be mandatory, just like tithing. They are all fucking crazy.

Baconzgood August 24, 2012 at 11:46 am

I stand corrected.

BerkeleyBear August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

As much as I don't like the church hierarchy, actual LDS members are typically some of the most driven, community service oriented people you'll meet. When I work at the food bank there is almost always an LDS contingent there, they get very involved in Scouts, the PTA and other groups. Now, they tend to be insular about it, and take over organizations whenever they can, but that doesn't mean they aren't trying to do good works every bit as much as all sorts of other whackadoodle religious folks who think that a God who created AIDS and war gives two shits whether you bagged frozen corn on a Saturday morning or served soup to the homeless.

Steverino247 August 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

The bishops do get together with other members to decide which non-LDS employees will be laid off so a church member in good standing coming in from Utah can have the vacated position.

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

There seem to be a lot of similarities between the church and the mob. If anyone causes trouble do they get a horse's head in their bed?

gullywompr August 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

Churches are not charities. Charitable contributions are not equivalent to taxes. Churches and charities discriminate when redistributing contributions. It's all a fucking red herring.

deangarr August 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

Release the tax returns, Mr. Romney.

It is not just libs who want to see Romney's tax returns.
It is 63% of American voters who do.

The longer Mr. Romney delays, the more suspicious it appears.

Obama released 8 years of tax returns
GW Bush 10 years
Clinton 12 years
GHW Bush 14 years
George Romney 12 years.

What is the problem, Mr. Romney?

Release the tax returns.
Now.

Dr_Zoidberg August 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

Seriously, that picture perfectly encapsulates Mitten's supreme smugness.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

I fantasize about slapping it off. Young Gun Lyan would be even more fun

DerrickWildcat August 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

The Mormon Church is the 2nd largest Private land owner in Nebraska. Ted Turner #1. Mormon Church #2. Both use it for Cattle and Bison ranching. Would the Mormon Church have to pay Taxes and all that on the land?

BerkeleyBear August 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

Normally churches pay property taxes on normal properties, that is places that aren't actual houses of worship. States get in disputes with churches over this sort of issue from time to time, but the LDS can certainly afford to pay – especially since unimproved land in Nebraska probably is taxed at a pretty low rate.

Steverino247 August 24, 2012 at 12:23 pm

In California, we tax their fucking church parking lots as they do not serve a religious purpose. Now, to get the rest of the property taxed…

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

Brian Williams taught me all about Mormons last night and how they are not really evil, racist aliens from space, but are just like you and me except not drunk all the time.

weejee August 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

Had a gay alcoholic cousin who was a Morman, and what that fucking church did for to him while he was dying of AIDS you wouldn't believe. No, you probly would.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

Did you know the magic underwear can protect you from fire?

kittensdontlie August 24, 2012 at 12:28 pm

They will need that cause they are all going to HELL!, with it's everlasting damnation, FIRE and brimstone. All major religions agree the LDS is toast(of course they all say that about each other too).

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

Can I tell you that I was surprised they got Abby Huntsman to describe her journey away from the church? Didn't see that coming.

kittensdontlie August 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Darn that silly liberal media almost going beyond a faux reporting.

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

See, them not being drunk all the time is my #1 issue with them. I know some awesomely perverted Mormons, but will they get falling down drunk with me? No.

And that's why I find myself here, amongst the good kinds of people who will.

SorosBot August 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

The only Mormon I've ever known, a girl who went to college with me, did drink plenty; but then she was also (at least as of the last time I knew her) dating a black guy, so she was definitely not a good Mormon.

anniegetyerfun August 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

But clearly an awesome person.

gogogodzilla August 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

That's a pretty big exception.

Mitt Romney is out of touch with ordinary, hard-drinking Americans.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm

If I were forbidden to drink coffee, I'd be drunk off my ass every day of the year.

Biff August 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

Bull Fucking Shit. The church does NOT keep tithes private, they issue a fucking annual report for your use in tax preparation. Please don't ask me how I know this. Once the IRS gets that information, shouldn't it be public domain?

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

It's not supposed to be. 26 USC sec 6103

Remember, Al Capone was convicted for not filing tax returns. The IRS doesn't care how you make the money, so long as you pay your taxes.

pinkocommi August 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

No. Tax returns are private. You can't even ask for them in litigation. In California at least. Except in a divorce or trust proceeding.

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

[commented earlier post; now on topic]
In the Robin Roberts interview where Ann said "We've given you people all you need to know", she also talked about how Mitt was such a wonderful person, and exhibit A was that he gave 10% of his income to the LDS church every year.

You can brag about it on ABC News and three weeks later it is suddenly so private that it would violate your compact with God to disclose it? Mitt, you and ann already let that cat out of the bag!

not that Dewey August 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm

You can't unscramble an egg!

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

You're closing the barn door after the horse has escaped!—

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:39 pm

"In the Robin Roberts interview where Ann said "We've given you people all you need to know""

!!!
I thought Robin Roberts was that nice African American woman who is a cancer survivor, but then I thought, "Naaaaa, can't be; even the Romneys know better than *that*!"
So then i googled images, and sure'nuff, Robin Roberts is the same person who I thought she was.
WTF, Ann Romney said, "you people" to a blah person????
O_o
I realize she wasn't addressing her comment to blah people in general, nor to Robin Roberts in particular, but what a stunning example of the out of touch-ness of the Romneys not to realize that one simply does not say that.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

Well now, we're all supposed to feel just grand that Willard Mitt Romney chooses to toss a few Ha'penneys at some causes and people that he deems worthy. Then we're all supposed to ignore the intricate lengths to which he goes to avoid contributing money to support the United States' infrastructure, governing operations,civil society and military, whos benefits he's so profitably enjoyed all of his life.

"Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster."
– Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Chichikovovich August 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

Well, Bain may well have owned interests in some prisons. And I've no doubt that Romney will support union workhouses, when the treadmill and the poor law return to full vigour.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

There's no doubt all that is true. If Bain Capital is as sharp as I think they are, they'll invest in the Human Body Tissue Industry, to take advantage of those who would rather die than go to the Workhouse, and so reduce the surplus population.

Lot_49 August 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

Mitt can afford all the private roads in gated communities, preppy education, private security guards, chartered aircraft, etc, that he needs, so none of the trappings of civil society matter to him. No one in his family ever served in the military or is at risk of being conscripted.

Country-dwelling, home-schooling wingtards who see cities as festering sores of traffic and foreigners and parking you have to pay for share Mittens' opinion of the benefits of belonging to civil society. What has government ever done for them?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 11:26 am

"None sing Hymns to Breath Government, but oh, to be without it!"

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"the intricate lengths to which he goes to avoid contributing money to support the United States' infrastructure, governing operations,civil society and military,"

all of which he hopes to run.

SoBeach August 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

Get yourself a big ol' sharpie and black out the charitable donations part. Nobody gives a crap about those anyway.

We want to see how you used offshore corporations and accounts to evade US taxes for years, then took advantage of an amnesty program to repatriate most of your fortune tax free.

Oh, and your claim that you always paid at least 13%? I believe you. Really. I have no doubt that you paid at least 13% on the income you reported. It's the income that went through the Bermuda corporations and wasn't reported or taxed (you know, the VAST majority of the money you made) that I might find interesting.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

"Get yourself a big ol' sharpie and black out the charitable donations part. Nobody gives a crap about those anyway."

Mitt and Ann are already wetting their magic underpants for fear of a big ol' black sharpie.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Nobody is buying this "my contributions to entities with non-profit status shows I'm pulling my weight" bullshit. He is making more problems for himself by bringing it up. Chief among them, violating the Romney Campaign Rule that you must never talk about the Mormon Church around your would-be Fundie Christian base.

BerkeleyBear August 24, 2012 at 11:56 am

Apparently he's going full Mormon at the RNC, in an effort to spin them around to seeing that Mormons are every bit as fundie as fundies get (I guess). Strikes me as yet another stupid idea, but he's the business genius, right?

not that Dewey August 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

That, and the fact that everybody and his brother gives more in charity than Mitt does. It's a losing argument, all the way around.

MacRaith August 24, 2012 at 10:57 am

This is today's spin. Tomorrow's spin will be different. This is how it works when you're trying really, really hard not to tell the truth. Remember the whole Mark Sanford episode, and how the explanations kept getting weirder until the truth came out? This is like that, except it's lasting a whole lot longer.

Steverino247 August 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

His tax returns are hiking the Appalachian Trail?

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

And we the people are a woman in Argentina – getting fucked.

ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

"Freedom Is Free" bumper stickers shall be available at the kiosk outside the RNC.

Biff August 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

"Freedom is tax-Free"
fixed

dcjdjay August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

Darling, giving $$$ to the Mormon Church, Inc., because you have to doesn't count as charity. Now do be charitable and show the world your taxes.

ManchuCandidate August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

Mittens riddle me this… If you already cut your own taxes through dummy corps and Excel games then why do you need a tax cut?

BarackMyWorld August 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

Have the Republican pundits started comparing this to the birther controversy yet? Because not releasing more than 2 years of tax returns and having people hound you about your birth certificate, people call it fake, then releasing an older version with the same information, and still having people cal it fake….totally the same thing.

MacRaith August 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

The birthers are certainly comparing it to the birther controversy already, and their demands are getting weirder and weirder. I saw one who said that Mitt shouldn't release anything until Obama not only released his "real" birth certificate, but also a lengthy list of other documents including his elementary school records.

RadioBowels August 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

Also, too, questions about your fringe cult "church" are equivalent to claiming someone is a terrorist muslim.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Seriously, can you imagine how they would have reacted if President Obama had come up with this many clumsy and transparent bullshit stories about why he shouldn't have to show his birth certificate?

"well, uh, I would — except that it's TOO American, and everybody else would feel jealous! Yeah, that's the ticket!"

not that Dewey August 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"Taxers" — I like it!

Today, we are all Taxers.

LibertyLover August 24, 2012 at 11:03 am

Mitt, sweetie, didn't your mama ever tell you to just rip that bandaid right off? It's less painful that way. You just keep prolonging the agony.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Hee hee hee.

Poindexter718 August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

So did the angel Moroni deliver some sort of divine dispensation?
"Big Guy says you can reveal two years worth, but that's it!"

PsycWench August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

With all due respect, the argument "I didn't reveal some information because I don't want to show off how good I am" is a well used one. I think Akin still wins the spin contest.

carlgt1 August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

he's such a sleazeball I imagine the truth is more that he doesn't want the Mormon elders to find out his real income & net work and that he's only been tithing at 2% not 10%!

Wadisay August 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

I wonder if Mitt lobbied the Mormon church to adopt a lower capital gains tithing rate.

poorgradstudent August 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

Translation: Forget Uncle Sam, if the Church saw how cooked my books were, they'd have my legs broke.

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

Mormons don't break legs; they do something far more painful. They break souls.

Did I just totally blow your mind?

eggsacklywright August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

Yeah, if the cult finds out he's been shorting them, they'll go all retroactive on his ass.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Considering how badly Rafalca tanked at the dance-off, he'd probably be relieved to find her head in his bed.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

Is he tithing 10% based on his U.S. taxable income, or 10% based on ALL of the income, including what he has stashed overseas? If we find out the actual number, we find out how much money he is hiding from the government, and if he is actually withholding money he is obligated by his religion to give his Church. Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Mitt, don't you have people to tell you to shut up about this stuff?!

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

Interesting question but then he could counter that he only deducted tithes made from his US income if it matched up.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 11:17 am

So, he'd be saying that he only reported to the IRS the contributions he wanted to deduct from his IRS-reported income, but he made more Mormon contributions that he doesn't have to disclose?

Wadisay August 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

He probably set up all those overseas trusts and whatnot to shield money from his church, not the IRS, since the church seems to be doing about as good a job of shaking him down as the government.

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I think jtingle may be on to something up above. If he managed to get the church to agree to a lower percentage ("3% or I leave the church!" maybe?), they would still be OK at getting a sizable chunk of change. However your $20,000 a year service sector worker would probably not be quite as understanding.

mrblifil August 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

So if he attains the Presidency will he give 10% of his government salary to the Mormon Church? In other words will he be enriching his chuch with MAH MONEEEZZ??!!1! What brand new socialist hell is this?

Also too – my open letter to reporters:

Dear Shit for Brains: Your job is to write interesting shit to increase circulation/hits. No interest-y, no monneezzz. So here's a thought. Next time Romney says "Charity? bluh bluh bluh Tithe bluh bluh bluh Mormon Church bluh bluh sacred bluh bluh personal…" here's what you do. You say something like "Tithe, Mormon, 10%, multiple sclerosis, fine. Ever give any money to any OTHER charities ASSHAT?" The accolades will then flow in like wine and the boys upstairs who sign the checks will say "who is this frisky firebrand ready to take on all comers, I like the cut of his/her jib, etc." You fucking morons.

With antipathy,

MrB

shylocxs August 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

WTF? Since when is charity a tax?

PubOption August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

When this first came up I looked at some ex-Mormon websites, and it appears that many Mormons see tithes as a tax paid to the church.

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

And when the Torah says “jump,” Mitt Romney bombs Iran.

Rebecca you are on a roll today. I'm thinking it's Hurricane Joyce who should be worried, not the other way around.

ETA: Hurricane "Issac", maybe? aw, more biblical names. it's a TORAH-CANE

PubOption August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

Netanyahu thinks he's the Torah?

not that Dewey August 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

We will now read from The Book of Joyce

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 12:55 pm

You are reminding me what a temptation it would be/
To call it a day, go home to read, & ignore the world around me/

not that Dewey August 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm

To read, perchance to dream.

TootsStansbury August 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

Now I know why the Dem's mascot is a donkey. I just made an involuntary braying sound. The nerve of this asshole.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Someone should dig up George Romney's 12 years of tax returns and report on how he accounted for what he gave to his church, and where he stashed his money. I will take a WAG that George was not so obsessed with keeping every last dime away from the IRS the way that these "Masters Of The Universe" from the '80s and beyond (his son being a Bishop in their church of rapaciousness) treat paying no taxes as their true religion.

marinmaven August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

My theory is the reason Mitt is not releasing his taxes and financials is that he is holding out on the CHURCH. He probably has been hiding income from them, something that could get him ex-communicated or have his knees capped for.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:59 pm

So of course, I'm picturing this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hG2OFFwNi8

Terry August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

I think the real secret of Mitt's tax returns is that he stiffed the Mormon Church, didn't fully tithe 10% of his income. If that gets out, they'll take away his magic underwear and the little card that lets him into the temples and what not.

BZ1 August 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

It's not charity, it's a tithe, just like in the Middle Ages!

Isyaignert August 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Wow Mittens – you're quite the tapdancer. Way to spin the sh!t. When can we expect to see you on DWTS (not that I watch that cr@p)?

BTW – FUK YOU, Mittens and Ayn Rmoney and FUK your logic and brain-eating cult that is the Moron (oops typo) church. You are the perfect example of what is wrong with the world.

PS – Does everyone know about "Lying for the Lord?" Their cult says it's perfectly fine to lie if it furthers the church, your business or your family. That explains everything that sh!t-for-a-soul Rmoney has ever said.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"Anyway, we now know why Mitt Romney is being so super-shady about his tax returns, still, and that is because he doesn’t want you to know what a great guy he is."

And you know what else, you guys? Mitt's so smart they hooked him up to a big computer to try to teach it some things, but he had so much knowlege, it overloaded, and then it got really hot and caught on fire!

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm

If only the major networks were to give the Romneys some free airtime, I'm sure they'd explain everything to you people.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Keep digging, repukes.
Keep digging.

PhilippePetain August 24, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Dude, "Because I'm a Mormon" is not the excuse you expect a politician to use to try to avoid controversy. Just saying.

Ducksworthy August 24, 2012 at 1:45 pm

This one I believe. The $100 million he gave to the starving orphans of the LDS church and which same LDS church has used to persecute the gheys and to elect their first Mormonbot preznit.

ttommyunger August 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Of course, the Mormon Church is a THREE BILLION-DOLLAR A YEAR Multi-National Organization touted by its own leadership to be the fastest growing religion in the world; so it only makes sense to give them charity. The poor, the fatherless and the sick? Fuck Them!

johnnyzhivago August 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

How is America going to pay for the tunnel Mitt wants to build from the White House to the Morman Tabernacle Choir?????????

VeraSevera August 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

He probably did NOT give the 10% demanded by his Mormon faith any more than he paid his fair share of taxes.

docterry6973 August 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

And Newt went canoodling because he loved America too much. These goppers is saints, I tell ya, SAINTS!

larrykat August 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Translation: "We are stiffing the Magic Underwear Mob out of their 10% just like we're fuckin' over Uncle Sammy! Yee Haw!

mbobier August 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Uriah "I am well aware that I am the umblest person going" Heep has nothing on you, Mittens. Neither does Ralph Kramden, for that matter:
http://www.hark.com/clips/yjspbzkbgl-what-do-i-ha

BeefHardcake August 25, 2012 at 10:15 am

"And then, completely out of reflex and without conscious thought at all, I saved a busload of nuns and blind children from going over a cliff. I didn't want to bring attention to it, though."

Yeesh.

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

I'm pretty sure most denominations require/strongly suggest a 10% tithe, that is, unless we're parsing the meaning of the word requirement.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

Suggest, yes. The Mormons make it an act of faith, subject to excommunication. Few other churches take that step.

GunToting[Redacted] August 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

Encourage, sure. I don't think anyone takes it to the level of the Mormons. I've heard stories about people who left the church but were pressured to return. When they rejoined, they were asked to submit their tax returns so “back-tithes” could be assessed.

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 11:29 am

Because, quit frankly, actor was being an ass when I brought this up in a previous thread, and is just generally being difficult, today. There are enough gun nuts and NRA apologists elsewhere to have to be dealing with that bullshit here, too.

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

No, I'm not fucking with you! I'm trying to understand exactly what your complaint is. Are you fucking with me, that I have to write a dozen replies just to figure out what you're talking about? What the fuck is in the water here today?!

Chet Kincaid_ August 24, 2012 at 11:36 am

actor212 is a gun-nut? News to me.

BerkeleyBear August 24, 2012 at 11:39 am

Yeah, it is downright taliban esque in its severity. And it is supposed to be first fruits, meaning it comes right off the top without considering any expenses. Which makes Mitt admitting that he doesn't get to 10 percent in any charitable donations pre-tax, much less tithe only (based on his comments that it is only about 7 percent of what I assume is adjusted gross income) all the more revealing.

eggsacklywright August 24, 2012 at 11:41 am

No escaping the vig.

ChillBill August 24, 2012 at 11:53 am

Correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding is that Charity is voluntary; tithing may or may not be (in the LDS Church, it's not).

Is it too early for a drink?

Isyaignert August 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

It's NEVER too early for a drink. That's why Gawd invented screwdrivers and Bloody Marys.

AncienReggie August 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I was visiting my Mormon cousins one year after Christmas, when their Bishop's office called the house to remind them that they (these are teenagers and little kids I'm talking about) had to come in and settle up on their tithes before the end of the year. I went with them to the "Stake" for their appointment with the Bishop and the oldest–maybe 19–had to pay the $30-something he still owed and the youngest, around FIVE, still owed 50 cents.

I am not making this up. That is one serious religion, its only up-side being that the "Stake" will actually feed its hungry flock when circumstances warrant, also.

Another funny thing–when one cousin was looking at going to BYU, I had a chance to read the student handbook and the penalty for drinking coffee was the same as for rape or murder: you got kicked out of school. Also a true story.

tessiee August 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Jimmy Swaggart, too.

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