welcome to hell

These Obama And Romney Collectibles Poop Candy, For Your Mouth

Scary MonstersAre these election collectibles from “Political Poopers” worse than Hitler? MAYBE. We thought it would at least be toilet paper when we clicked on it, which is crass enough, but no, it is small Obama and Romney monsters. And they shit candy. From their butts. Which you then eat.

“I POOP CANDY” Obama screams. “I COME WITH CANDY TREATS” shouts Romney. We are done with all of you vulgar monsters. The Mayan apocalypse cannot come fucking soon enough.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Barb_

    Romney's gives you Whoppers. Ann's version poops white and smells like cotton candy, the same as real life.

    1. docterry6973

      Don't be silly. Ann's version doesn't poop at all. I comes packaged with a servant version that poops for her.

    1. chicken_thief

      Ann has told you people all you need to know about the gold hoarded under the elevator in their new home.

  2. elviouslyqueer

    “I COME WITH CANDY TREATS” shouts Romney.

    Well, this explains the stretch marks around Paul Ryan's mouth that you can see from Neptune.

    1. tessiee

      In every picture I've ever seen of Mitt, he always looks both smug and uncomfortable.
      I can't figure out how a face so expressionless can manage to convey *one* thing, let alone *two opposing* things.
      It's probably what Mormons have for miracles, instead of the good kind, like changing water into wine.

      1. sewollef

        I imagine at the end of the day Mitt's magic underwear is a little, shall we say, crunchy from watching all those gold bars accumulate.

        Hence the idiot grin he wears all day long.

  3. Serolf_Divad

    They're actually pretty cool.

    The Obama doll poops chocolate and has a windup mechanism that makes him walk.

    The Romney doll has a windup mechanism that sets in motion a process by which it undertakes a leveraged buyout of your home, tosses you out on the street, takes out a second, third and fourth mortgage on the home, pays itself a $1,000,000 bonus and then tears down the house and builds a Staples franchise on top.

    1. nounverb911

      The bad news is the 2016 presidential campaign starts November 7, 2012.
      The good news is the world ends December 21, 2012.

  4. hagajim

    I guess someone decided to create a piece where art immitates life. I mean, really, haven't these guys (the parties) been taking a big dump on the American people for at least the past 20 years?

  5. Antispandex

    This is just wrong! If it was just Barry, sure, but how dare they make fun of the next Ronald Reagan, savior of America? This could only have been invented by the greatest enemy of the U.S.A…..maybe a Mexican, Muslim, Liberal? The trifecta of terror.

  6. chicken_thief

    The Herman Cain one grabs your head and pulls it to his crotch where a tootsie roll appears.

  7. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm assuming that the Romney figure only provides last years poop, keeps telling you he will give you this years poop eventually, and hides the rest of the poop because people will only use it against him.

  8. proudgrampa

    The Obama doll looks too much like OJ Simpson.

    The Romney doll looks too much like an evil, bloodsucking, capitalist.

  9. OneYieldRegular

    What I would give to hear the dinner conversation in certain Chinese factory towns during U.S. election season…

  10. el_donaldo

    Obama apparently poops freely.

    Romney? He tells you he has sweet, sweet candy, but the tightass won't squeeze any out for you. You ask to see some proof that he's got some candy for you? He won't show you. Asshole.

  11. C_R_Trogloraptor

    The Romney doll is available with an extra (not pictured) Seamus doll that's strapped to a station wagon's roof and shoots out chocolate syrup.

    1. chicken_thief

      He also claimed that big corp's are doing "just fine" today.

      Not the best day for Mittens on the trail today. But luckily for him, it's Friday.

  12. Mumbletypeg

    Newt Gingrich considered, then bypassed the opportunity to be thus immortalized, for his namesake treats required two plastic carrying cups to dispense the candy into.

    1. C_R_Trogloraptor

      To be honest, the Newt Gingrich Test Doll became so full of hot air that it floated away through a window. Everyone in the test marketing group was happy to see it go, though.

  13. UnholyMoses

    The Paul Ryan one poops old people who died due to his cuts in Medicare.

    Which isn't funny, as that's exactly what would happen.

  14. UnholyMoses

    It's always about the butt with this place, isn't it?

    Buttsechs, these candy dispenser thingies, pics of Rush Limbaugh …

  15. C_R_Trogloraptor

    Romney's toy works very well, but only comes with a tiny little bag of candy. All the rest is packed into huge warehouses in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands.

  16. Not_So_Much

    Why does Bamz only poop but Mitten's 'comes'? Because of his hellacious boy-making baby batter?

  17. ttommyunger

    Waiting for the Barrel Figures, where you lift the barrel up and a huge erect penis is revealed underneath, except in Mittens case, which is notsomuch…

  18. YasserArraFeck

    Is there a little plastic diaper for the Vitter version, or does Mitt's shit-eating grin suffice?

  19. Blunderthing

    "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American Public." –attributed to so many trash capitalists that I've given up attributing it

  20. Baba_NinjaCat12

    Already have it here in Arizona at the state house and they're a collection. Unfortunately, it doesn't poop candy.

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