THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE YOUR BUTT  8:55 am August 24, 2012

Exclusive! Here is Your Picture Of Kevin Yoder All Nude-Like In The Sea Of Galilee, Wait No It Isn’t

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Show me that smile again

Kevin Yoder, fourth from right, naked as Yahweh made him.

UPDATED Multiple people are writing in to tell Your Editrix she is the worst reporter in the world — no argument — and that our EXCLUSIVE Kevin Yoder pic is in fact of Rep. Tom Graves of Georgia. If this is true, and there will simply never be any way to tell beyond looking at the dates when Graves and Yoder and Paulsen went to Israel, then that makes the rest of this post entirely bullshit, which also means that Paulsen’s people did not lie to us, and we will not be reporting from his butt.

We started calling around to confirm that this particular snapshot of this particular group of ne’er-do-wells and rapscallions was indeed taken on the very same Israeli “fact-finding” trip in which Kevin Yoder let his eagle soar — REPORTING! — but a funny thing happened. The office of Minnesota House member Erik Paulsen, fourth from left, told us he wasn’t on that August 2011 trip. Except — here, in his own words! — he was? So then we got mildly peeved and stopped calling people to confirm. Hey guys, you got a problem with it, give Erik Paulsen’s office a call!

At any rate, official Wonkette Editorial Policy is pro-skinny-dipping (and also pro-Bigfoot), so we for one are very glad that the FBI wasn’t actually investigating the skinny-dipping itself (“Holy Site” or no) but rather some young Michael Grimm fellow who may someday rip the coveted Most Corrupt title from our own beloved Maxine Waters (whom, we repeat, we love!).

But while we are pro-skinny-dipping and Bigfoot and Maxine Waters, we are anti-people-lying-to-us. Erik Paulsen, might wanna talk to your office, because we will now be living right in your butt. Right in there! In your butt. With what we can only presume are the finest in anal beads and live rodents.

[WONKET EXCLUSIVE]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 71 comments }

Barb_ August 24, 2012 at 8:57 am

This would be a good time to be one of the gulf's eyeless shrimp.

PsycWench August 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

Sea creatures are blinding themselves even as we type, from PTSD.

Terry August 24, 2012 at 8:59 am

Thank goodness there was no one there who could part the waters.

Oblios_Cap August 24, 2012 at 9:00 am

So Kevin's now a Kosher Shrimp?

That water's cold!

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 9:21 am
ChernobylSoup August 24, 2012 at 9:01 am

I'm pretty sure there's something in the Revelation about this very event.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 9:11 am

Rapture of the FReep?

RadioBowels August 24, 2012 at 9:01 am

Worst. Mikvah. Bath. Evah.

Oblios_Cap August 24, 2012 at 9:02 am

God's Own Undertaker, my rep, Steve Southerland and his daughter were there too, getting closer to Jesus, as it were.

Living in Joy August 24, 2012 at 9:03 am

I'm pretty sure I don't want to brush up against that in dark water!

eggsacklywright August 24, 2012 at 9:05 am

"Dragon stranded in shallow water furnishes amusement for shrimps."

–Matt Groening

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 9:06 am

You can't fool me! That's the Brooklyn Bridge in the background

arihaya August 24, 2012 at 9:15 am

Sheldon Adelson bought the Brooklyn Bridge and gave it to the Israeli, duh

Beowoof August 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

Almost looks to be one of those Riverboats that troll the Mississippi looking for locals to clean out of their pay checks.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 9:07 am

Pro-Bigfoot?

SASQUATCH ISREAL!

(someone had to say it)

deanbooth August 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

If you are a pro skinny dipper, are you prohibited from participating in the Olympic skinny dipping competition?

arihaya August 24, 2012 at 9:13 am

What a demonstration of the GOP's Family Values™ we have there

CrunchyKnee August 24, 2012 at 9:14 am

No wonder there's an ugly bathtub ring around the sea now.

Schmannnity August 24, 2012 at 9:14 am

Worst Cocoon touring act ever.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 9:16 am

They're ALL peeing. All of them.

arihaya August 24, 2012 at 9:17 am

where did you get it, Bec?

SeekingArrangement.com profile page?

Oblios_Cap August 24, 2012 at 9:48 am

Christian Singles.com?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 9:17 am

Where's a Candiru when you really need one?

O/T: Your Friday Cephalopod.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 9:22 am

Oh man, I watched that episode of River Monsters, where the victim came face to formaldehyde jar with the Candiru what swum up his penis.

Poor guy was a puddle of jello…

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

Not many creatures give me a case of the Willies quite like this thing.

Boojum August 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

I want to know who the fifth woman from the right is and whether she felt Yoder's eyeless shrimp.

Beowoof August 24, 2012 at 9:19 am

Hey I don't see Tom Reed a local congress person here in Western NY . A man of discretion as his wife was with him and told him to keep Mr. Softy in his pants.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

OT but I"m so depressed. I just got back from a benefits meeting and the guy from the retirement company asked "how many of you believe you'll ever get social security"? Out of 20 people, I was the ONLY one that raised my hand. He scoffed at me and said, "it's gone, you really believe you'll ever see that"? I said, "I better, I've been paying in to it for 37 years and if you think I'm going to stand by and let some asshole politician hand it to wall street to gamble with, you've got another thing coming. Don't vote for people who threaten it, we earned it." My co-workers looked at me like I had three heads. Idiots.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 9:37 am

Did I mention I live in Floriduh?

ttommyunger August 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

Goodonya!

ph7 August 24, 2012 at 10:33 am

Thanks for calling the snakeoil salesman out. He's selling fear.

weejee August 24, 2012 at 9:22 am

John the Baptist weeps

FakaktaSouth August 24, 2012 at 9:22 am

How come the ladies are all covered up? I mean, those ladies' boobies were made by God too, and look like they'd have probably hung down into the water anyway. Come on girls, tits out, for Jesus.

kittensdontlie August 24, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Are we looking at the same picture? I am seeing some keen knockers, a little hairy but…oh bejebus… never mind.

arihaya August 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

No snark here but the trip was fully funded by "educational branch" of AIPAC.

Now if only those poor Palestinians managed to collect enough money to pay for some fly-over country Congressmen for "fact-finding" as counterbalance, we could be closer to a Middle East peace.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 9:24 am

Who is the fellow fifth from left, the one with the open hand over his head?

Is he dead?

ManchuCandidate August 24, 2012 at 9:25 am

If some crazy eyed guy asks me "Ever seen flubber bob in the pale moonlight?"

I can honestly say "Why, yes. Yes I have."

PsycWench August 24, 2012 at 9:25 am

I guess the usual "mass baptismal" excuse isn't going to fly here.

OT: The Onion has summed up what so many of us believe about the Tampa Convention (apologies if it has already been posted, I can't keep up with you people): http://www.theonion.com/video/tampa-bay-gay-prost
NSFW unless you are using headphones.

viennawoods13 August 24, 2012 at 9:50 am

Very nice. I had to watch it twice because I missed the crawl at the bottom the first time.

elviouslyqueer August 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

That is entirely too much hirsute moobage for a Friday morning.

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 9:41 am

"hirsute moobage" is worthy of many fistings up. I have but one to give.

Mumbletypeg August 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

For once I agree with Eric Cantor. I hope he used the word "douchehats."

freakishlywrong August 24, 2012 at 9:42 am

Indeed. It takes on to know one, eh?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

Well, as long as no one said "Jehova" it's all good.

Bezoar August 24, 2012 at 9:36 am

Stone him? Or "let's get stoned"?

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 9:48 am

Yes.

arihaya August 24, 2012 at 9:29 am

And you call that Safe For Work ?

What if one of the reader vomits due to sheer amount of Ugly American-ness in that photo?

fuflans August 24, 2012 at 9:31 am

needz moar prince harry.

ChillBill August 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

This has got to be the most unfappable pic ever (and no, my fellow Wonketteers, I don't need to see other examples).

ttommyunger August 24, 2012 at 9:40 am

The highlight of the evening was the wet mu-mu contest. Thanks for not sharing pix of that.

Angry_Marmot August 24, 2012 at 9:42 am

Today, we are all pillars of salt.

hollywooddood August 24, 2012 at 9:43 am

Dick pics or gtfo.

Oblios_Cap August 24, 2012 at 9:49 am

Doesn't Leviticus condemn this kind of behavior? It pretty much mandates death for everything else.

C_R_Trogloraptor August 24, 2012 at 9:51 am

It could be worse. It could be the Skinny-Dipping Republican Governors Association.

Of course, you'd need the HST's Wide Field Camera to capture all of Christie.

Lot_49 August 24, 2012 at 9:51 am

Demonstrating once again that politics is show business for ugly people.

And regarding Rep Yoder, it might be more correct to say, "…as Yahweh and Sara Lee made him."

UPDATE: I stand by my story.

OneYieldRegular August 24, 2012 at 9:53 am

Wait, how did they get that picture of the RNC in Tampa before the convention?

Aridzona August 24, 2012 at 10:13 am

John Hagee is right. It is the End of Days.

actor212 August 24, 2012 at 10:14 am

I'm so ashamed to have fallen for such a blatant piece of bad reporting.

DonnyKerabotsos August 24, 2012 at 10:21 am

If Jesus returned today he'd walk on the water again. Just to stay above the cooties.

Limeylizzie August 24, 2012 at 10:50 am
bobbert August 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Well, they almost spelled the Editrix's name correctly.

BarackMyWorld August 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

Issuing corrections already makes you better than trusted pundits Hannity and Limbaugh.

LibertyLover August 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

That is NOT a good look for them.

LibertyLover August 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

While these people are definitely dipping, I don't think you can call these people skinny in the least.

An_Outhouse August 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

I'd do 'em.

Nostrildamus August 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I hope you're a giant squid.

mrblifil August 24, 2012 at 11:16 am

It would have been irresponsible NOT to speculate…

BZ1 August 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

Is Prince Harry in the crowd?

JustPixelz August 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

QUICK! Amend the Constitution to change the 25 years old minimum age to a 25 years old maximum age!. DO IT FAST! I am gouging out my own eyes as I type this. (Which is really hard to do.)

HistoriCat August 24, 2012 at 12:37 pm

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Damn it Wonkette! What ever the source, you do know that I would like to be able to have sex again in my life time.

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