I am so fucking stupid it's amazingThis morning a Rasmussen poll came out showing Missouri magical fetal dumphead, Rep. Todd Akin, trailing Sen. Claire McCaskill by 10 percentage points, 48% to 38%. Considering that any GOP Senate candidate who can spell his own name was expected to be leading McCaskill by 10 to 15 points consistently through November, this is considered a poor polling result for the congressman — even though Rasmussen’s famous Republican bias this week would probably exaggerate the margin, since Republicans all want him to quit the race. Is that the spin Todd Akin’s campaign is taking? It’s a fine spin, as spinnery goes. What about simply ignoring the poll? That works too! Or there’s the option of saying that, uhh, the poll shows that Claire McCaskill should drop out of the race, which, comically, is the one Akin’s campaign is running with.

Here’s the comment straight from campaign manager Perry Akin, Todd’s son. (And you wonder why Akin is staying in? Family members gotta have jerbs, after all):

St. Louis, MO: The following statement was released by Perry Akin, Campaign Manager for Todd Akin for Senate, in response to the Rasmussen poll released this morning:

“The fact that Claire McCaskill is only polling at 48% after 72 hours of constant negative attacks on Todd Akin shows just how weak she is. If she can’t break fifty percent after a week like this, Democrats should ask Claire to step down. Todd is in this race to win; we will close this gap and win in November with the support of the grassroots in Missouri and across America.”

In the Akin family, stupid doesn’t skip a generation.

[Todd Akin]

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  • Callyson

    Got curious and went to the dark side (i.e., Rasmussen's website):

    The survey of 500 Likely Voters in Missouri was conducted on August 22, 2012 by Rasmussen Reports. The margin of sampling error is +/- 4.5 percentage points with a 95% level of confidence.

    I'd like to believe this polling result, but a one – day poll isn't as reliable as one that is conducted over several days, so I'll wait to see what more reputable polling organizations report before I pop out the champagne…

    • IonaTrailer

      Yeah, no one does stupid like Missouri.

      Well, except Florida. Or Oklahoma.
      And Arizona…

      • Fox n Fiends


    • Grief_Lessons

      Lots can happen between now and November. If you have a nice bottle of champagne the safest decision would be to drink it immediately.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I still find it scary that this fuckwad is preferred by 38% of the electorate. Anything over 15% should be cause for concern.

      Maybe if they broke it down to "among respondents who know about Akin's idiotic statements", the results wouldn't be quite so horrifying. Maybe.

      • HistoriCat

        15%? I would assume he could always count on the 24% who viewed W favorably at the end of 2008.

  • IonaTrailer

    The American Family Association:

    After likening the backlash to Todd Akin’s comments on “legitimate rape” to the Pharisees’ persecution of Jesus, American Family Association spokesman Bryan Fischer is now comparing Akin to a victim of rape.


    • Callyson

      I wish this were a joke, but it's not:

      Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

      • IonaTrailer

        Oy vay.
        And I like how they describe his nauseating anti-feminist drivel as "simply a minor case of the malapropisms"

    • Fuck'em with their own… skullduggery.


    • Will Akin's body then shut out the backlash against him?

    • kittensdontlie

      Akin just proved his own point that most people lie(or have someone lie for them) about being raped.

    • Boojum

      Then it's his fault, for wearing short skirts.

    • This may be the ONE case where the victim was asking for it.

    • doloras

      Trufax: the Pharisees never persecuted Jesus. They were actually his allies against the Romans. But the Gospel of Matthew, written 40 years after the fact, makes them into the bad guys to placate its Roman-Greek audience.

      • MosesInvests

        Thank you! Wish I could upfist that more!

  • hagajim

    Good golly Miss Molly. These there Akin boyz have about as many smarts as that there Orly Taintz gal.

    • Fox E. Puppet

      Well, look who home-schooled 'em…

  • bumfug

    Stand your ground, dickhead!

  • Gorillionaire

    They are to polling what fluffers are to a porn set.

  • This is the political equivalent of "'i'm rubber and you're glue." Stay classy, idiots.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Claire should step down and go make the Akin men a sandwich, cause Jeebus.

    • kittensdontlie

      It just ain't natural…a woman running for Senate,…when they are so prone to infections as they are.

  • Callyson

    Also, from Politico–Claire McCaskill is not impressed:

    McCaskill, for her part, said she didn’t believe the results. She wants Akin to remain in the race, so any evidence it’s a lost cause for Akin puts more pressure on him to drop out.
    “Rasmussen poll made me laugh out loud,” McCaskill tweeted. “If anyone believes that, I just turned 29. Sneaky stuff.”

    Fair enough, but here's hoping the result *is* accurate and that I will soon be begging the senator for her anti aging secret…

    • Negropolis

      I've been telling people, Claire is playing good and bad cop. She is smart to do this. She knows that her best chance is to ALWAYS remain the underdog in a state like Missouri.

  • fartknocker

    Was the infant in the ad the result of a legitimate rape?

  • YouBetcha

    I was going to have a (third) martini at a fine dining establishment tonight, but that twelve bucks will be better spent with the McCaskill campaign. I don't want this ignorant fuck to lose. I want him to weep.

    • Fox E. Puppet

      Yeah, I donated last night too.

      Anyone else?

      • IonaTrailer


      • Callyson

        Later this month when some bucks come my way, I'll be in it to win it with what I can afford to give…

  • marconidarwin

    Todd Akin is going about this all wrong. If he wants to get any of that Rove money, he has to simply come up with an ad featuring Ryan and him, holding a copy of the "Sanctity of Human Life" legislation, highlighting the "Forcible rape" clause.

    Three days later, the ad will be taken down. Coincidentally, he'll then announce that his campaign has just received $6 million from an anonymous SuperPac.

    • IonaTrailer

      I have a feeling Karl Rove is arranging a hit on Akin at this very minute.
      So if anything "bad" happens to the Toddster before election day….told you so.

    • miss_grundy

      I want to see an ad in which Akin has his arm around Ryan and there is a hidden microphone picking up their comments on how stupid the Tea Partiers are and how gullible Americans are and they can say anything they want about women and reproductive rights. Of course, the Missourians are so stupid they wouldn't believe it even if they were shown proof.

    • An_Outhouse

      i like the way you think

  • mavenmaven

    The sad part is he might still win. That would be catastrophic.

    • IonaTrailer

      I listened to a woman from Missouri talk about how fundamentalist people are there, and that he could say virtually ANYTHING, and the right-wingers will still vote for him. The fetus vote. I think I'll visit Claire's website and send her a contribution too.

    • comrad_darkness

      That would be Diebold.

  • barto

    This just in, official response from McCaskill campaign regarding Claire quitting the race: "When Todd reaches zero percent in the polls, we'll talk."

  • DaveJ

    Can we even be sure those are legitimate voters, though?

  • WhatTheHeck

    Its the new republican math. 10 point deficit is ok ’cause I can count those on my fingers.

    • Same Math that allows FOX News to state that Romney is doing fine and Obama is clearly loosing even though he has maintained a steady lead over Romney for months though.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Todd, Todd, Todd. Dude, when Ann Fucking COULTER his-damn-self is telling you to drop out of the race, DROP OUT.

    Jesus Unicycle-Riding Christ, man!

    • IonaTrailer

      That made my day!

  • PsycWench

    “The fact that Claire McCaskill Todd Akin is only polling at 48% 38% after 72 hours of constant negative attacks on Todd Akin shows just how weak she is shows how nuts Missouri voters are .

    • sharethegrief

      "Welcome to Missouri. Set your clocks back 40 years."

  • taylormattd

    I think what Akin is trying to say is that his campaign rejects the poll, because it is not legitimate.

    • It was not a forcible poll.

    • comrad_darkness

      They are just shutting that stuff down.

  • orygoon

    There's going to be a full court press in Tampa to get him to get the hell off of the ticket. I feel like sending him ten bucks to help make him feel like he should stay.

  • Steverino247

    I've been to Missouri. Those people are seriously disturbed.

  • IonaTrailer

    Karl Rove to aide: "Tonight Todd Akin sleeps with the fishes."

    • Boojum

      Aide, "Will that be a legitimate rape?"

    • MosesInvests

      "Make him an offer he can't refuse."

      • Negropolis

        But, I thought no means no?

  • owhatever

    When Colorado faced this "Tea Party Republican who can't win" problem two years ago in the governor's race, the hard rightwinguts put forward an "Independent" alternative, and they both proceeded to lose. It was hard to choose between two morons. I see this coming in Mizzou.

    • HogeyeGrex

      In Connecticut they all just voted to re-elect Lieberman, the "Independant."

  • Chichikovovich

    Look, this is a Rasmussen poll. That guy releases polls as accurate as he can make them just before the election so he isn't completely discredited. But otherwise, he uses every trick a pollster can to stack things in the direction he [i.e. the Republican establishment] wants.

    Reading a Rasmussen poll is like reading a profile in Pravda back in the days of the USSR. There may be the occasional bit of truth in it, but mostly it's a guide to how the Politburo is leaning.

    I conclude that the Republican hierarchy really wants to put the pressure on Akins, nothing more. If a Nate-Silver approved poll has similar results, then I'll pay attention.

    • MosesInvests

      "Vi Pravda nye izvestia, i vi Izvestia nye pravda."

  • Akin is clearly a student of the Romney-Fehrenstrom double-reverse shoot-yourself-in-the-foot attack. Next he'll be accusing Claire McCaskill of being anti-woman for siding with rape victims. Not sure of the details, but I'd put money on the general attack.

  • Not_So_Much

    Plus, Senator McCaskill is a chick. So she should probably just shut her whore mouth and stay home making sammiches for Real Americans. Who have penises.

  • Send him and email now – and tell him to stay in it!!!!

    This is ALL THE MORE REASON WHY YOU MUST STAY IN THE RACE and fight, fight, fight!!!!!

    Fight Liberal Democrats!
    Fight The Repubiican Bosses!!!
    Fight That Turncoat Flip Flopping Dandy Romney!!!!

    Mitt Romney's LOSS is a WIN for Single Celled Americans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • glasspusher

      Amoeba/Paramecium '12!


  • Schmannnity

    This guy needs a legitimate skull rapin'.

  • IonaTrailer

    Basically Todd told what the secret plan is, and now he's got to pay the piper.

  • Americans WILL PREVAIL thanks to the amazing powers of our fluids!!!!

  • Of course McCaskill shoudl drop out. She is a women after all.

  • emmelemm

    The fact that Claire McCaskill is only polling at 48% after 72 hours of constant negative attacks on Todd Akin shows just how weak she is.

    Let me GET THIS STRAIGHT. He just said, "Well, my candidate said the stupidest fucking thing imaginable and his opponent ONLY got a 10% bounce in the polls, therefore she's a loser. I mean, we double-quadruple-lutzed on the stupid. She should have shot up 20 points immediately."

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      "We insulted 50% of the voters, we doubled-down on the junk science, and we refused to quit even when the party chair asked us to. I fail to see what more a good politician could do!"

  • Has anyone figured out why Republicans are upset with him, other than Akin dare say loudly what they all think and vote for?

    • OneYieldRegular

      He wasn't supposed to say it until after he'd been elected?

      • Generation[redacted]

        Only in quiet rooms.

    • Negropolis

      Because you're only supposed to tell the truth in quiet rooms.

  • Schmegeg

    Early in the evening of November 6, deep in his bunker, Todd Akin will poison his dog and blow his brains out, in that order

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      If by "bunker" you mean "closet" and by "poison" you mean "skullfuck", then I think you're right.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Wha? Poison his brain and blow his dog?

    • MosesInvests

      "…blow his *brains* out…." Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Turning the blame back onto women is probably not the best strategy at this point in Todd Akin's…career.

  • anniegetyerfun

    "The fact that Claire McCaskill is not truly whalloping my ass in every poll ever, given what an incredible wad of fuck I am, is amazing. Aren't you voters listening to the shit that spews forth from my mouth?"

    • Naked_Bunny

      He might have a point if he weren't in Missouri, where he could have probably won without ever showing up to campaign.

  • Tundra Grifter

    This Akin brouhaha is good news for (r)Money.

    Dick Morris said it is – so it must be true.

  • Billmatic

    For those of you who said that Akin would win anyway, you don't need any smug told-you-sos from me. And smug they would be, because told-you-so I most certainly did.

  • Naked_Bunny

    we will close this gap and win in November with the support of the grassroots in Missouri and across America.

    Sounds like someone is planning a little voter fraud.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Akin is to McCaskill now as David Duke was to Edwin Edwards in 1991.

    The only person in the State who can lose to her.

    Bless his rancid, microscopic heart.

  • Generation[redacted]

    can’t break fifty percent after a week like this

    Mittens, are you hearing this?

  • James Michael Curley

    Folks lets get out there and do our homework. Is MO one of the few states (17 or 20, I forget) that allow a prospective Senate Candidate to continue his reelection campaign to the House?

  • BZ1

    If even the sleezy Rasmussen folks have bailed, you sir are in trouble.

  • keinsignal

    I was hoping they'd go with my ad suggestion: "Todd Akin – 2 Legit 2 Quit"

  • ElPinche

    Akin's got the edge , he can his body's natural ability to destroy estrogen and fetuses.

    • glasspusher

      How can you say that, with an avatar like that?

  • glasspusher


  • ttommyunger

    If this asshole wins, and there's a very good chance he will, the Fucktard Right will have the world's longest, noisiest group orgasm.

    • Negropolis

      I wouldn't call it a "very good chance." It's a possibility, sure, but one becoming more remote by the day. Yes, even in Missourah.

      • ttommyunger

        I admire your generosity toward this benighted clan, or Klan.Sent from my iPhone

        • Negropolis

          Missouri may not be the most progressive state to say the least, but it's not Mississippi, either.

          • ttommyunger

            Winner of the “Praise Couldn't Be Fainter” Award.Sent from my iPhone

  • mustangsavvy

    If this dickhead wins then I officially give up on humanity…!

  • Is there something I'm missing here? The deadline for him to drop out has passed, hasn't it?

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