THE EVIL LIBERAL MEDIA  1:06 pm August 23, 2012

Fox News Reveals (Possible) Name of Secret SEAL War Hero Author Guy!

by Jim Newell

And then what happened? And then what happened?Fox News loves the troops, protects the troops, and will stand in the way of anyone who would hurt the troops and national security and the heartland and troop families, and such. Just last year, when New York’s gay carnival blog Gawker tried to guess the name of the CIA’s “Bin Laden Hunter,” the outlet was trashed and condemned on both the Fox News website and teevee channels forever and ever. That would be putting that HERO’s life in danger! That was a year ago. Now did you hear that there’s a member of SEAL Team 6 writing a Bin Laden raid tell-all, under a pseudonym? Fox News would like to tell you his name!

From the big fat EXCLUSIVE:

The book, “No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden,” is set to hit shelves on Sept 11. It is penned under the pseudonym “Mark Owen,” according to the publisher, but multiple sources told Fox News his name is in fact Matt Bissonnette, 36, of Wrangell, Alaska. Bissonnette could be exposing himself to legal trouble, as the Pentagon has not vetted the account.

The author of the Fox News piece, Justin Fishel, wrote this just last year (via Mother Jones):

Members of Navy SEAL team 6, the Special Operations unit responsible for killing Al Qaeda leader Usama bin Laden in Pakistan last Sunday, have expressed concerns about their safety and the safety of their families now that details of the mission have been made public.

…Rather than keeping the details secret, intelligence officials and senior administration officials briefed members of the press. It quickly leaked out that the mission was performed by 24 members of the elite and classified counterterrorism SEAL squadron, known as SEAL team 6. Despite that leak, Gates says the government continues to protect their identities.

How might Fishel justify this sudden Fox News editorial shift to “naming those involved in the Bin Laden raid is fantastic”? It’s a scoop, for one. But this paragraph from today’s EXCLUSIVE comes awfully close to shaming the author for putting others at risk:

The tell-all book also has apparently upset a large population of former and current SEAL members who worry about releasing information that could compromise future missions. One Navy SEAL told Fox News, “How do we tell our guys to stay quiet when this guy won’t?” Other SEALs are expressing anger, with some going so far as to call him a “traitor.”

Also, we’d say there’s a not-insignifcant chance that Fox News just picked a random guy and has no idea who’s writing the book.

[Fox News, Mother Jones]

 
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{ 111 comments }

mavenmaven August 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Thus the swift boating begins, as the book is probably favorable to Obama.

freakishlywrong August 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Quick like a bunny. My thoughts exactly..

mrblifil August 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Any book on the subject that did not involve Presidential readings of My Pet Goat would be favorable to Obama.

Designer_Rants August 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Even reading My Pet Goat right-side-up would be favorable to Obama.

Ruhe August 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Oh, wouldn't that be delicious!? What if the penultimate scene in the book has the Seals pausing on the stairs, facing Bin Laden, hesitating. "Perhaps we should take him alive" they're thinking. Then through their ear-pieces they hear the voice of the President who is monitoring their progress live via satellite: "Shoot that mother fucker now! Shoot him!"

nounverb911 August 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Geraldo?

Blueb4sinrise August 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm

This is a job for……………..
JUDGE HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hera Sent Me August 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Few know that Judge Head is (Beavis &) Butthead's father, but the former won't admit it because he's shamed by the brilliance and liberalism of his son.

kissawookiee August 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

My name is JUDGE!!!!

FlownOver August 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

You mean the guy who used to hang around with Archie?

Not_So_Much August 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm

If Hannity didn't write it, then I don't really give a flying fuck. Cuz that guy is awesome with Fiction.

docterry6973 August 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

True, but you can't beat O'Reilly for history. His book on Lincoln was…extremely interesting from every point of view.

outragedcitizen August 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Did this author by any chance say something nice about President Obama? I mean that could be the reason, he was thrown to the wolves by the Patriots at Faux Nudes.

Weenus299 August 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Because he wouldn't talk to Dinesh D'Souza or whatever about how what really happened was that bin Laden had been dead for years and they put him in the compound so they could immediately extract him, and cause an international scene that would make Preznit Obammar look good.

IonaTrailer August 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Plus it was all done on the same sound stage where they faked the moon landing

Typodong3 August 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Silly, the moon landing wasnt faked! But a lot of other crazy shit was. Film at 11.

pdiddycornchips August 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I fucking hate Dinesh D'Souza. He's what passes for an intellectual in wingnut circles. His work starts with a conclusion and ignores all evident that might question that conclusion. That would get you an F in most colleges but Dinesh manages to earn a nice living feeding bullshit to right wing fanatics. After the revolution, he'll be sent back for re-education and maybe, if he's lucky, end up working the graveyard shift at a 7-11.

Typodong3 August 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Ahh you are the first person I have seen that actually has mentioned the possibility that bin Laden has been dead for many years. Cool stuff. Ignore the right wing tea-bagger side of this, there are other circles of thought that suggest bin Laden was already dead, all the big-wigs knew about it but wanted to get the "kill" anyways, and that Obama was actually AGAINST the staged attack but give in, for some really interesting reasons. Also, we will find out the truth shorty. Ok crazy time over, now back to snark.

ChillBill August 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Cause the best way to improve national security is to reveal the details of our secret operations abroad, especially the names of those involved, but only the patriots at Fox News *get it*

gullywompr August 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Wait a minute… sombody at Fox News knows what a book is?

UnholyMoses August 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Looks like those Friday night book burning parties have helped a great deal.

Typodong3 August 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

They thought he said "crook" and got interested.

RedneckMuslin August 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

"Also, we’d say there’s a not-insignifcant chance that Fox News just picked a random guy and has no idea who’s writing the book. "

I'd go with this.

Lascauxcaveman August 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

The simplest explanation is most likely the correct one.

proudgrampa August 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Occam's razor, fersure.

eggsacklywright August 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Consider this: Bissonette was the name of the WC Fields character in the movie It's a Gift. Coincidence?

johnnyzhivago August 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

So let me understand this correctly – these Seals are leaking???

chicken_thief August 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I'm sure some, if not all, have been blown at some point. But they're still good.

e_z August 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

<groan>

Grief_Lessons August 23, 2012 at 4:34 pm

The one is leaking. The others are barking.

widestanceromance August 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Oooh, will this blow the lid off the hidden truth that Obama and Osama are secretly gay-married* and what couple name will the MuslimKenyanAnticolonialSocialist bone smokers have?

*I googled the internet and found ZERO denials, so you decide.

orygoon August 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

One Navy SEAL told Fox News, “How do we tell our guys to stay quiet when this guy won’t?”

I should think just flat ripping his head off will do the trick.

Generation[redacted] August 23, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I notice Bin Laden has been awful quiet lately.

Jus_Wonderin August 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I love Seals. Especially the performing ones. But, I find it hard to believe that Seals could track down and kill Osama.

Lassie, maybe. Seals, no.

Tequila Mockingbird August 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I was sad when he and Heidi Klum split up.

chicken_thief August 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Silly me. I thought it was "Kiss from a Rose and/or an M-16" Seal….

MissTaken August 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I always give money to the Seals at Easter.

Jus_Wonderin August 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

You are charitable. I always use that money to go clubbing.

Terry August 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

But they were Seals with frickin lasers.

freakishlywrong August 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Fuck Focks. That is all.

James Michael Curley August 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Hey Fox! Ecuador is nice this time of the year.

Spurning Beer August 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I hesitate to accept at face value what FOX News says.

Guppy August 23, 2012 at 10:06 pm

On the contrary, if anybody knows, it'd be FOX News. They've got everyone's phones tapped.

johnnyzhivago August 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

When you become a SEAL, the Navy should give you a cute name, like the Ninja Turtles, and then we would not have this problem.

chicken_thief August 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

UnholyMoses August 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"Bissonnette could be exposing himself to legal trouble, as the Pentagon has not vetted the account my dumb ass has revealed his name because we at Fox only care about "the troops" when they help support our propaganda.

There … all better now.

SorosBot August 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Is Fox now being edited by J. Jonah Jameson?

banana_bread August 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

DEATH TO TO THE SPIDER MENACE

johnnyzhivago August 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

SEALS called to rescue GOP convention from flooding!!!!!

Callyson August 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

there’s a not-insignifcant chance that Fox News just picked a random guy and has no idea

You could have stopped there, and summed up FOX in these words alone.

Lot_49 August 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Page 1, Chapter 1:

I burst past the guards in the hall and into the Oval Office. "Listen, Obama, you terrorist-loving Kenyan usurper—I'm going after Bin Laden whether you like it or not!"

The "president" sputtered. I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and looked him in his shifty eyes: "You can't stop me! I don't care if it's politically incorrect. I'm doing it!"

Obama cowered and retreated to his desk."All right, Bisonette. I'll let you do it, but you watch..I'll make political hay out of your courage, and no one will ever know who you were."

I knew what he said was true, but I loved America more than I hated him.

Blueb4sinrise August 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

That's good! Keep going!

Better than the standard: Dear Penthouse………..

Jus_Wonderin August 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Are there any heaving bosoms in this?

Blueb4sinrise August 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Michelle was standing off to the side. As I turned to leave, she rushed to the door; blocking it. "No! Don't go!!", she gasped, her bosom heaving with desire.

Misty Malarky August 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Where's the part where his eyes bugged out comically like two boiled eggs..?

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Get to the sexy part already!

Blueb4sinrise August 23, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I kissed her fiercely. "Sorry baby. There's some skullf*cking I gotta do first.""

Generation[redacted] August 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Before I left, I turned to Hussein Sotero one more time and said, "And you better return that bicycle you stole by the time I get back!"

Electric Zen August 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

The first rule of Fox News is: you don't talk about how Osama Bin Laden died. This guy broke that rule, so they are going to Valerie Plame THE SHIT out of him.

I expect by October, Fox will be doing running feature stories with experts raising credible evidence that Bin Laden killed himself.

Tequila Mockingbird August 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"Ha ha, payback's a bitch." ~ Valerie Plame

PuckStopsHere August 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

So it's okay over at Fox News to release the identity of our secret operatives and to therefore put their lives and the lives of their families at risk? We really ought to pass some sort of legislation proscribing such behavior. We could, perhaps, call it "Treason" or something.

eggsacklywright August 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

It's OK if you're a Refoxican.

CthuNHu August 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

What could possibly go wrong with telling Al Qaeda the name of the guy who killed their Eternal Leader?

For that matter, what could possibly go wrong with a gaggle of effete pixel-pushers endangering the life of a SEAL and his family? Is it possible that Mr. Bissonette is not the ideal person to piss off?

Ruhe August 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

In the Fox News version of "Logic 101" the foundatioinal principle is expediency.

mrblifil August 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Wake me when Michelle Malkin finds out how expensive his kitchen countertops are.

Callyson August 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

And no, those wusses at FOX are *not* allowing people to make comments on this story. Figures.

chicken_thief August 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Because Constitution. And Jesus.

And they are pussies.

elviouslyqueer August 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

LOL. I checked that too, just to see.

FlownOver August 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Somebody please arrange for Kilmeade to be embedded with the Seals right away, so we can get to the bottom of this.

SayItWithWookies August 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

So has that OPSEC bunch of birther yahoos denounced FOX News yet? Because the safety of our troops is the first concern of these non-partisan folks who just happen to all be Republicans and share an address with several Republican backers. Just asking.

MissTaken August 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I love Swiftboating Season. What's next? Finding someone in the 'community' that Obama supposedly 'organized' and have them say Obama was really an asshole and just told them all to 'go fuck yourselves' while he sat on the street corner smoking a bowl?

SorosBot August 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

And that he was secretly a gay atheist Muslim commie-Nazi.

MosesInvests August 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Who rapes virtuous white wimmen.

Jus_Wonderin August 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I am sure as the election looms someone will say if Obama had let GM or Chrysler go away, their beloved one would be alive because Chevy's and Mopars would not have been on the roads to….kill said beloved one.

doloras August 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I can't believe that they think they can find dirt now that they (and Hilary) couldn't find 4 years ago.

hagajim August 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I kinds thought if he used a pseudonym that nobody would know who he was, at least until Fox outed him. Hell, Stephen King used one for years before anyone knew he was writing shit under both his and the Bachman name (not Marcus or Michelle, those would be too horrific).

rockyoumonkeys August 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Wait, I don't get it. How is this Obama's fault? I mean, it must be if Fox News is reporting it.

Hammiepants August 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I absolutely LOVE how Fux scrambles to pretend capping Bin Ladin was like no big deal. If it had happened under a Repuglican administration, they'd have that fact tattooed on their low CroMagnon foreheads.

ElPinche August 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm

also. also in their anuses.

pdiddycornchips August 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I'll withhold judgement until we hear what Dr. Jerome Corsi has to say.

NorthStarSpanx August 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I'm just relieved he's from Wrangell, a thousand miles from Wasilla.

Terry August 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

The Snowbilly wouldn't be caught dead in Wrangell, unless it was a short event that brought her lots of money. First, no Taco Bell in Wrangell. Second, no tv studios.

HarryButtle August 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Do ex-Navy SEALS have freedom of speech? No, no service member has freedom of speech when it comes to classified information. This is not a new rule enacted by the Muslim Kenyan Near in the White House. They never have and they never will.

Just ask Bradley Manning about freedom of speech.

ManchuCandidate August 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Yeah, only VPs who out CIA agents do.

ElPinche August 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm

If this info is released, for the protection of the military members and family, SEAL 6 should show up at Roger Aisles house. Root him out by depleting his food supply.

Steverino247 August 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

If your book has anything to do with knowledge you gained while serving in the military, it has to be reviewed by somebody at the Pentagon. It takes time and delays publication, but it's better than the alternative. I know people to have to do these things and it delays the paychecks they know they're due for the year or so spent writing. Everybody in the publishing business knows this fact. This has to be a political move by FOX since the timing of the publication's release is 9/11/12. It's a hit piece to fuck the book up. But since the Right in this country is A-OK with outing CIA operatives to get even with their husband's outspoken bashing of masturbatory fantasies involving Iraq, what the hell…

pinkocommi August 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I find it funny the suggestion that Faux News watchers can read.

Guppy August 23, 2012 at 10:09 pm

They must at least know their alphabet, and understand the meaning of that "(D)" thrown around whenever a Republican has non-kosher sex.

EatFrankRich August 23, 2012 at 11:02 pm

According to Amazon's political book map they read a lot more than we do.

tiredalways August 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

OT – Gawker just published these huge bunch of leaked files from Bain. It looks like GOP convention bounce is going towards Dems.

no_gravity August 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Was it Glenn Beck?

FlownOver August 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I'm guessing Clifford Irving. Because nostalgia.

banana_bread August 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Fox News reveling in journalistic hypocrisy? THE HELL YOU SAY

Beowoof August 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Cool now all his new Pakistani friends can look up to congratulate him, most likely in person with a spiffy shiny, ticking vest.

Jus_Wonderin August 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

DYKE!!!!!!

Oblios_Cap August 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I know a SEAL named Owen! Well, an ex-Seal anyway. He'll be pissed that his real name is Matt Bissonnette and he looks closer to 60 than his stated age of 36. The guberment really does a great job of constructing false identities for those guys!

JustPixelz August 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Chapter One

As the helicopter dropped in, I gave one last thumbs up to my team. Sergeant Romney, Lieutenant Akin, Corporal Bachmann and Private Ryan. We checked the survey marks on our maps. We were in the right place.

Corporal Bachmann seemed nervous. He hadn't wanted to go on the mission. All day he had tried to gay away the play by dancing, combing his hair, talking about his "wife" a little too much, singing Village People songs. He told me he hoped we'd have to hunker down in a foxhole.

Sergeant Romney stood by the left door, ready to rappel in. Suddenly he switched to the right door. Then back to the left. His fire team followed him back and forth. A few collapsed from exhaustion.

Private Ryan was calm almost as if he knew the rest of the squad would die so he could live.

Then at the last moment, Akin pointed to another flight of helicopters. "Obama sent the SEALs. We don't have to go." I breathed a sigh of relief.

Sergeant Romney was facing the wrong direction and didn't see the other helicopters. He rappelled out into the Pakistani darkness. We never saw him again. But I heard he survived and converted to Islam.

ahnc August 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm

The SEAL writes an unauthorized book under a pen name and FoxNews leaks his name.
Why am I laughing so hard?

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

This book needz more sexy vampires!

Generation[redacted] August 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Seals don't sparkle!!!

aaarrrgh August 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

i understand why fox is trashing the book.

my connections at the publisher tell me the book will reveal that the guy in the white house that night was an obama double. turns out the president actually led the raid and smoked osama himself!

so fuck you mitt romney.

BZ1 August 23, 2012 at 2:01 pm

The author protected his fellow SEAL Team 6 members by changing their names in the book, but gee thanks, Faux News!

Misty Malarky August 23, 2012 at 2:04 pm

This is the danger of books going audio. Now even Fox News gang knows what's in 'em.

fishskicanoe August 23, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Justin Fishel, say hello to your new cell mate, Bradley Manning. The Department of Justice should seize Fishel's computers and find out the identity of
those who corroborated the identity leak. There is plenty of room for them at Gitmo.

fishskicanoe August 23, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Maybe Fishel can get asylum in the Ecuadoran embassy if he moves fast.

CthuNHu August 23, 2012 at 3:16 pm

So, a nameless guy in superb physical condition, with awesome training — quite literally the best in the world — travels ten thousand miles on a perilous mission to the heavily guarded lair of the revered leader of a global terrorist cult and the world's foremost evil mastermind, storms the lair, kills the evil mastermind dead, and flies off without leaving a single drop of friendly blood behind, praised and thanked by a grateful nation, 9/11 widows, and Western Civilization in general.

A year later, a few state-side civilian weenies on a political kick decide it'd be to their political benefit to unmask this nameless man.

I think I've seen this movie before, and, after the brutally efficient elimination of a few score minions, I'm pretty sure it ends with Matt Damon's steely gaze framing an out-of-focus gun barrel, a cold quip and Roger Ailes's viscera decorating his office wallpaper.

TribecaMike August 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Eye roll. Everybody knows Tim (T-POW!™) Pawlenty parachuted down from the moon, burst buck nekkid into the compound, ripped bin Laden's heart from his chest and crammed it down his throat, all the while whistling "Dixie."

Generation[redacted] August 23, 2012 at 4:17 pm

They may give up this guy's name, but they'll never tell you who ordered the mission.

DahBoner August 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

gay carnival blog

I hate it when they want to guess your dick size…

ttommyunger August 23, 2012 at 10:16 pm

SEALS are well-oiled killing machines, unfazed by hunger, fatigue, self-doubt or fear; none of which makes their political judgement better than the average couch-potato's.

Negropolis August 24, 2012 at 4:44 am

Let this be a lesson to anyone left that thinks Fox is a "new" outlet with journalistic standards. Oh fuck it; no one who truly needs this lesson is going to hear it or digest it.

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