JERKY BOYS  10:50 am August 23, 2012

Caption Contest! The President’s Meat

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

SLIM JIM!
Here are Barack Obama and Mitt Romney made of beef jerky.

Well well well, look who is a wit, Adweek!

Jack Link’s and ad agency Carmichael Lynch commissioned mosaic artist Jason Mecier to serve up portraits of both men created from 50 bags of beef jerky each. Now, why didn’t Fox News think of that? This was a big-tent effort, with Jack’s entire line—Sweet & Hot, Original Smokehouse, Turkey Jerky—getting in on the act. The president of the United States is referred to as Barack Obameat, while his Republican challenger is Meat Romney. (Jack Link’s lucked out, because Beef Gingrich just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Jerk Santorum, however, sounds just about right.)

Haha, Jerk Santorum. Anyway, think of some jokes please, because right now your Editrix has got none as she is still freaking out about how she will get to Tampa to be murdered by the weather, since planes will probably not fly into a hurricane, and her mother thinks she should rent a car and drive down there from Charlotte, because apparently her mother does not love her.

Barack Obameat. You can do better.

[Adweek]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 100 comments }

fartknocker August 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

Barack's Tucked Jerky?

Schmannnity August 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

Messin' with Mitt.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 11:02 am

I wanna have sex with this comment.

eggsacklywright August 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

I'd like a dress made out of Meat Romney fer sure.

kittensdontlie August 23, 2012 at 11:57 am

Suggested meat: 100% turkey jerky–a perfect Mitt match of turkiness with jerkiness.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 23, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Too spicy.

CthuNHu August 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

It puts the ketchup on its skin….

Designer_Rants August 23, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Or else it gets the dehydration again.

eggsacklywright August 23, 2012 at 10:55 am

Woodworth and Brillstein's All the President's Meat.

Barb_ August 23, 2012 at 10:55 am

Mitt: Pretenderloins

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 10:58 am

I tip my hat to this creation.

comrad_darkness August 23, 2012 at 10:55 am

Come on, Editrix, where's your sense of adventure? It's just a little rain. And wind. A bit of wind. Don't go surfing and you'll be fine.

Oh, and don't use the elevators in case the power fails. Wouldn't want any republicans testing any rape pregnancy theories out on you.

Yeah, no worries.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 11:17 am

Also, Editrix, there will be six reporters for every delegate at the convention.

In the event of a Katrina-style disaster, in other words, you won't run out of food.

James Michael Curley August 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm

You probably have never seen how much a reporter can eat when its free.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Then you jump the pre-fattened reporters.

Maman August 23, 2012 at 11:25 am

My family went to Florida this summer during a tropical storm. It was fine. Though the volleyball local (convention center) leaked.

GeorgiaBurning August 23, 2012 at 11:31 am

A good hotel will have emergency lighting. If the power goes out, you can find your way down to the bar where the beer will be free if you help a little with the mops and buckets. I speak from experience.

Mahousu August 23, 2012 at 11:42 am

The beer's also free if they're looking the other way. I speak from, er, not experience.

What I can say from experience is don't park under any tree which looks like it might fall over, which is basically any tree.

Bezoar August 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

Barry looks good enough to eat. Not the other one though.

eggsacklywright August 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

Barack Holstein Obama?

Barb_ August 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

Is there anything for Todd Akin?
Babyback Fibs

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 10:57 am

Seasoned with rapeseed oil

(I've waited all week to use "rapeseed")

PsycWench August 23, 2012 at 11:07 am

It has ways of shutting down when you try to eat it.

johnnyzhivago August 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

I wouldn't think Beef Jerky would be dense enough to properly represent Mitt Romney's head?

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 23, 2012 at 10:57 am

Great. Now I'm hungry.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 10:57 am

Only Romney's portrait was made of pure jerk and no beef.

ProgressiveInga August 23, 2012 at 10:58 am

Romney: Etch-A-Jerk

Gratuitous World August 23, 2012 at 10:58 am

Marcus Bachmann ate both before I could think of a proper caption. :(

tessiee August 23, 2012 at 11:26 am

Chris Christie is healous jealous.

politics_nerd August 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

Where's the beef? Oh.

RadioBowels August 23, 2012 at 10:59 am

I prefer dark meat.

freakishlywrong August 23, 2012 at 11:01 am

Bammy: "What are you looking at, jerk"?

pinkocommi August 23, 2012 at 11:02 am

A hurricane is on its way to ruin the Republican Convention in Tampa? Good. I hope they take it as a sign God is not a Republican.

PsycWench August 23, 2012 at 11:03 am

This is the closest Mitt Romney has come to being a man of substance.

Mumbletypeg August 23, 2012 at 11:03 am

Romney: "Step into a flip-flop!"
Obama: "Marbled — for your pleasure"

Incitefully_Joe August 23, 2012 at 11:03 am

Fun Fact: Beef Jerky Rick Perry is indistinguishable from the real thing.

PsycWench August 23, 2012 at 11:05 am

Would a Beef Jerky Chris Christie eat himself?
Think about that the next time you're high.

Incitefully_Joe August 23, 2012 at 11:13 am

I'd rather not, as that is a terrifying mental image, and jerky is one of my go-to munchies foods.

Jus_Wonderin August 23, 2012 at 11:04 am

I don't really have a caption, but I am sure the "serving size" is considerably different on each package.

Jus_Wonderin August 23, 2012 at 11:05 am

Obama: "Spicy"

Mitt: "Dicey"

LibertyLover August 23, 2012 at 11:05 am

Mitt Romney- the Other, Other white meat?

Terry August 23, 2012 at 11:05 am

"Haha, Jerk Santorum. Anyway, think of some jokes please, because right now your Editrix has got none as she is still freaking out about how she will get to Tampa to be murdered by the weather, since planes will probably not fly into a hurricane, and her mother thinks she should rent a car and drive down there from Charlotte, because apparently her mother does not love her."

Fly in early, if you can.

Otherwise, fly into Jacksonville, Atlanta, Panama City, Tallahassee, Pensacola, etc, and rent your car there.

PsycWench August 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

I'm wondering what kind of albino cow was sacrificed to make the teeth on both of these portraits.

Terry August 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

A turkey cow.

tessiee August 23, 2012 at 11:38 am

Wow, you're an optimist.
I thought they used the fat for the white part of the teeth.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 11:19 am

You'll notice Ann Romney is never photographed from the waist down.

ProgressiveInga August 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

Bammerz: A balanced combination of white meat and dark meat.

hagajim August 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

As a beef eater I must protest. I have now lost mine appetite.

freakishlywrong August 23, 2012 at 11:07 am

"Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of Mitt."

kittensdontlie August 23, 2012 at 11:44 am

WINNER!!

ShreditorsDesk August 23, 2012 at 11:07 am

So much for sacred cows in this election.

KathrynSane August 23, 2012 at 11:10 am

I guess it's not really surprising that the beef jerky Mitt Romney looks more human and relatable than the real thing.

SayItWithWookies August 23, 2012 at 11:10 am

Cue the soundtrack from The Good, the Bad and the Jerky.

DerrickWildcat August 23, 2012 at 11:11 am

I don't like Mitt Romney

tessiee August 23, 2012 at 11:50 am

Neither does anybody else.

LibertyLover August 23, 2012 at 11:12 am

Barack Obama – The Audacity of Dried Meat

KathrynSane August 23, 2012 at 11:16 am

Meats from my Father?

PsycWench August 23, 2012 at 11:13 am

This is the perfect medium for the Speaker of the House: sort of orangish and leathery.

viennawoods13 August 23, 2012 at 11:24 am

And Jan Brewer too, also!

Oblios_Cap August 23, 2012 at 11:14 am

One's Kobe Beef, the other's a Boston Butt. Guess which is which.

LibertyLover August 23, 2012 at 11:15 am

Not to quibble, but shouldn't Mitt's "jerk-portrait" have 2 faces?

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 11:15 am

You can do better.

Chew we can believe in?

Nibbler of Niblonia August 23, 2012 at 11:16 am

Jerk Romney is kind of redundant.

LibertyLover August 23, 2012 at 11:18 am

Is this contest a jerk-off?

tessiee August 23, 2012 at 11:19 am

What, Jan Brewer was too easy?

smitallica August 23, 2012 at 11:19 am

Smokey and the Bland-it.

hagajim August 23, 2012 at 11:24 am

Barack Obamchaw?

Katydid August 23, 2012 at 11:24 am

They were going to make a mold of that fat fuck Chris Christie too, but when he went there to pose, he eated all the jerky, and all of the employees, too.

(Don't hate me, I know it was low-hanging fruit, it's just that any discussion about giant piles of jerked meat should def. include that fat fuck.)

ChillBill August 23, 2012 at 11:25 am

The "real" Mitt has more jerk in him.

proudgrampa August 23, 2012 at 11:29 am

Yes, but is it art?

tessiee August 23, 2012 at 11:40 am

Flank steak and skank steak.
Chuck steak and…

Designer_Rants August 23, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Fuck stick?

wakkumph August 23, 2012 at 11:41 am

WHERE'S THE BEEF CERTIFICATE???

Estproph August 23, 2012 at 11:45 am

Romney should have been made out of colons.

tessiee August 23, 2012 at 11:49 am

Beef Obama. It's what's for President.

Nostrildamus August 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Designer_Rants August 23, 2012 at 8:56 pm

You are having too much fun with this one – I love it.

TootsStansbury August 23, 2012 at 11:50 am

Sweet Honey and the Stupid as a Rock

mrblifil August 23, 2012 at 11:50 am

One of them MUST be the face of Jesus, but I'm torn as to which…

Angry_Marmot August 23, 2012 at 11:53 am

"Where's the dextrose, salt, corn protein, sodium nitrate, protein, wheat protein, hydrolyzed soy, lactic acid starter culture, mechanically separated chicken and beef?"

tessiee August 23, 2012 at 11:53 am

So these two cows are talking.
The first cow says, "Aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The second cow says, "Why should I worry? I'm a helicopter."

mavenmaven August 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I remember the feminist version of this, from like Barnard at the time of the original outbreak:
Why aren't men afraid of mad cow disease?
Because men are pigs.

Angry_Marmot August 23, 2012 at 12:04 pm

If call center workers in India riot because of this sacrilege, will Romney stand in front of the armored personnel carriers?

WhatTheHeck August 23, 2012 at 12:06 pm

say… where is that Rafalca horse anyways?

Wadisay August 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Barry could be Carnivore More Years.

Wilcoxyz August 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm

You can't beat Obama's meat.

Wilcoxyz August 23, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Grass-fed beef is higher quality.

Slytherin76 August 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Mitt is Murder

Designer_Rants August 23, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Pretty sure the guy on the left is Tiger Woods.

BklynE August 23, 2012 at 12:43 pm

The full name is Barack PROTEIN Obameat…

Wilcoxyz August 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Mitt used to be protein, but now he's against it.

BZ1 August 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Obie's marinated in beer stock
Mitt's: not so much

DahBoner August 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm

The only difference is that Rommey's jerky is loaded with rat poison to increase corporate PROFITS…

docterry6973 August 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Without a doubt, the finest beef jerky portraits I have ever seen. Sadly, I get nauseous just looking at them.

Designer_Rants August 23, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I'm very curious as to which flavor of jerky makes up the white teeth.

WIDTAP August 23, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I am SO tiered of receiving this election campaign spam.

fuflans August 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

i'm just going to keep asking if it's november yet until it's actually november.

Aridzona August 23, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I guess Obamaloney was already taken.

horsedreamer_1 August 23, 2012 at 6:36 pm

President should have been done in morcilla, & "I spent Viet Nam in France" Mittens should have been chicken.

ttommyunger August 23, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Where's the Beef? Michelle smiles slyly. Ann looks puzzled.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: