the remake looks even worse, if possibleOh, for fuck’s sake.

A Republican candidate for Hillsborough County Sheriff said Wednesday that he believes elective abortions are unlawful and he wouldn’t reject the use of deadly force to stop them.

This is a position we would like to see more fully fleshed out before we reject it out of hand. Possibly a marauding sheriff executing people for abortions wouldn’t be so terrible, maybe? What’s the basis for his authority to do this, say?

Frank Szabo said that as sheriff, he would arrest any doctor performing elective or late-term abortions in his jurisdiction.

“There is a difference between legal and lawful,” Szabo said.

Szabo explained the difference by referring to the issue of slavery, which he said used to be legal but was never lawful under the Constitution. He said that even though elective abortions are legal in New Hampshire, with some restrictions, he doesn’t consider them lawful.

Based on Szabo’s solid reading of the Constitution and his thoughtful distinction between “legal” and its exact synonym “lawful,” we should take what he says seriously. After all, except for the Three-Fifths Compromise and Dred Scott and the Constitution and the entire functioning of America until 1865, at no point prior to the passage of the Thirteenth through Fifteenth Amendments was slavery actually lawful. Everyone just did it out of social pressure, like how women get abortions because otherwise they won’t get Lululemon discounts.

But Szabo may have inflamed the issue further when asked if he would use deadly force to prevent an abortion.

“I would respond specifically by saying that if someone is under threat, a full-grown human being, if they’re under threat, what should the sheriff do? Everything in their power to prevent them from being harmed,” he said.

Sometimes, you have to abort the doctor to save the life of the child. It’s a common and rational exception in our scheme of abortion regulation, and it is good that someone is finally willing to enforce this. The killjoy (pun intended?) Republican Speaker of the New Hampshire House Bill O’Brien, though, totally wants to Todd Akin this guy because he’s a dick:

“Mr. Szabo’s comments make it clear that he does not understand the constitutional role of sheriff in New Hampshire. Moreover, no elected official is given the latitude to take the law into his or her own hands and decide he or she knows better than the Legislature and governor what should be enforceable laws,” O’Brien said in a written statement. “It is our hope that Mr. Szabo will withdraw from this race and think long and hard about grounding himself in constitutional law and principles before considering political office in the future.”

The best part is that O’Brien won’t say that the crazy roving murderer has no place in the GOP; just that he would like the crazy roving murderer to maybe read an eighth-grade civics textbook before taking another crack at walking around with the power to arrest people (and also shoot them). It is heartening that the New Hampshire GOP is willing to let people redeem themselves before writing them off entirely.

[WMUR – New Hampshire]

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  • Barb_

    Will he also shoot the gal at the dry cleaners for having wire coat hangers?

    • hagajim

      Prolly not, but he might cuff 'em and slap 'em around, for the law.

    • Estproph

      Yes! NO WIRE HANGERS!!!

      • Angry_Marmot


    • larrykat

      And every Coke machine he sees.

      • bibliotequetress

        Diet Coke is the spermicidal Coke, Larry. He can narrow the target.

    • Callyson

      Considering that just last night, Rachel Maddow had a story about Texas women going to Mexico to get RU – 486 because they can't get safe and legal abortions in Texas, this fucker may end up sending troops to seal off the Canadian border.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        I hope she doesn't live in Lubbock. She might not be able to get back in after Judge Head seals the border.

  • Apparently edumacation is not a requirement for sheriffing in New Hampshire. I am pretty sure that lawful and legal pretty much equate for purposes of law enforcement.

    • T3rbo

      Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Proof that our educational system has not functioned for some time now. This man's logic fails so many tests-someone or some school district owes taxpayers a refund

  • IonaTrailer

    Get out of my uterus.

    • Fetal Trespass

    • hagajim

      Fetal Attraction.

      • TribecaMike

        Too Glenn Close for comfort.

    • Does it have a window? I've always wanted a womb with a view.

      • I would love a view of the Arno and Julian Sands bits.

        • sullivanst

          Yours is glorious uterus, Honeychurch.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I think I'm a clone now…

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      If you really wanted them out of your uterus you would be able to just shut that whole thing right down.

      • my uterus has a slutty mind of its own

  • anniegetyerfun

    Hey, wait. No one at Lululemon ever said anything to ME about these supposed discounts.

    • Trannysurprise

      Bring in your aborted fetus and get 15% off any regularly priced item.

      *does not include sales items, running clothes or yoga supplies. Offer valid only in select states.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Isn't Lululemon run by a Randian dipshit?

      • anniegetyerfun

        It's a Canadian company, but anything is possible.

  • YouBetcha

    That's where I got my law degree too, also, such as.

  • SorosBot

    "“I would respond specifically by saying that if someone is under threat, a full-grown human being, if they’re under threat, what should the sheriff do?"

    Yeah, a full-grown human being. Note that a small mass of cells is not a full-grown human being, doucheshit.

  • noodlesalad

    Live free, and then die, from the bullet wounds you receive from me living even freer.

  • Baconzgood

    Has the GOP been this crazy like this and I'm just realizing it because we have our lovely rebecca as editor and we're seeing more posts about women's issues. Or have they vamped it up the the bat shit crazy the last few months?

    • Typodong3

      Survey says: Both. They've always been bat-shit crazy, and and are just going even more bat-shit crazy now.

      • Baconzgood

        I just realized that that statement is completely incoherent. Baconz is having trouble with spelling and grammer today. Maybe I should get some coffee.

        • Typodong3

          Gah I did the same thing by accident lol… whew. Coffee sounds good…

        • Callyson

          Actually, it's the Reeps whose craziness has become completely incoherent–your sentence about them was crystal clear. (Drinks large swig of coffee…)

        • emmelemm

          How's the flu doing? Are you recovering?

          • Baconzgood

            Still a little down.

    • viennawoods13

      The New Yorker had a good article about the GOP being batshit crazy yesterday.

      • Callyson

        Good article, thanks.

    • calliecallie

      They were always like this, but now they feel freer to express the crazy openly. I think it's because of Sarah Palin. What's to keep anyone, no matter how stupid or crazy, from seeing her running for vice president of America and thinking to themselves "If she can do that, why not me?"

      Why not, indeed.

    • Yes, why in the fuck are we seeing so many Wonkette posts about half the population's issues?!

      • Boojum

        These posts only count 3/5ths, so it is really 30%.

        • You're getting your women mixed up with your Negroes, which would be the end of Western Civilization as we know it.

          • UW8316154

            Does that make Condi just a 15% person?

          • Katydid

            Her morality does….not because she's a feminazi blah. That would be wrong.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      The whole party is coming out now, and no longer cares about being passable; like a 270 lb six foot-five tranny wearing a latex mini-dress, rainbow wig and spike heels in a Pride parade. It's not pretty.

  • “There is a difference between legal and lawful,” Szabo said.

    Um, no, there isn't, and you're a fucking sheriff not a fucking SCOTUS justice. Shut the fuck up. I hear Krispy Kreme has a fresh batch, you fat fucking fuckhead.

    • Nothingisamiss

      This is the most cogent takedown I've heard yet.

    • WhatTheHeck

      I get it now. We can save these doctors by laying a trail of Krispy Kremes between the squad cars and the police station.

    • Lot_49

      Those rotating lights on KK stores arouses a pavlovian response in cops.

    • calliecallie

      I don't think they have Krispy Kremes in New Hampshire. Tim Horton's maybe.

      • sullivanst

        They definitely have Dunkin'.

    • AncienReggie

      Krispy Kreme libel! (That shit is good.)

  • hagajim

    Is this guy the famous Szabo the Clown?

    • freakishlywrong

      The rootin' tootin' Sheriff of Clown county.

    • Angry_Marmot

      John Wayne Gacy's hyperactive kid brother.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I am so glad our constitution gives every wingnut the right to interpret it for themselves.
    Oh, wait. No it doesn't.

    • kissawookiee

      Latter-day Martin Luthers, the lot of them.

  • Typodong3

    I have always said, the very best way to teach people that murder is bad, is to murder them!

    • Katydid

      Is that like when parents smack their kids in K Mart to teach them not to hit their siblings?

  • It is heartening that the New Hampshire GOP is willing to let people redeem themselves before writing them off entirely.

    How liberal of them

  • eggsacklywright

    He must be a High Sheriff if he's all judge, jury, and executioner all rolled into one, like in rightsizing.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This is a very good example of someone who should not be allowed to own a gun.
    The reason: Too friggin dumb.

  • gullywompr

    The Supreme Court case of Legal v. Lawful will sort this out. Wonder what opinion Justice Thomas will render?

  • Your move, Judge Head.

  • ChrisM2011

    He'll have "misspoke" in 3… 2…. 1…

    • elviouslyqueer


      "I want to be clear to the people of New Hampshire that I made several comments about the use of deadly force against abortion doctors that I regret, that I apologize for and that I fully retract,” Szabo said. "In making comments yesterday, I let my passionate stance against abortion get the better of me."

      IOW, "My mouth wrote a check that my ass couldn't cash."

  • anniegetyerfun

    Republican Speaker of the New Hampshire House Bill O’Brien: RINO.

  • Clearly this is the SPLC's fault.

  • freakishlywrong

    Jesus Christ in a vaginal ultrasound. It's a legal procedure. Leave our re-productive rights alone. We mean it!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Does anybody want a peanut?

      • CommieLibunatic

        GAH! Downvote! Where's the downvote!?
        (I dare you to rhyme that too, Fezzik)

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Unknown. Can it get across the moat?

    • calliecallie

      As much as I hate reading this nonsense over and over again, I really just want them to keep saying cockamamie crap of this stripe right up until November.

    • Katydid

      Leave Brittany's uterus ALOOOOOOONE!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Dude better tune out Bull O'Really? Sheriff Szabo been paying way too much attention to him.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Sometimes, you have to abort the doctor to save the life of the child

    It's like stopping a prisoner from committing suicide so that you can hang him properly.

  • kittensdontlie

    Judge, jury and executioner–how quaint!

    • PubOption

      Sounds like Roy Bean.

    • TribecaMike

      I believe the technical term is "Arpaioism."

  • vulpes82

    He's against "elective" abortion? So he's for FORCED abortion, like those performed by the commie-pinko heathen Chinee?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!?

  • PsycWench

    "“I would respond specifically by saying that if someone is under threat, a full-grown human being, if they’re under threat, what should the sheriff do? Everything in their power to prevent them from being harmed,” he said."

    I was not under the impression that aborting full-grown human beings was an option. I might make an appointment later.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      So if a half-grown human being was under threat, that would change things?

    • sullivanst

      Y'know this reminds me… I recall recently one of the nutters started yammering on about how back in ancient Rome, at one point they outlawed abortion to protect the father's right to his child.

      What they didn't bother to mention is that in ancient Rome, a father could legally (and lawfully) kill his children for any reason he saw fit, until they reached the age of 11 or so.

  • SorosBot

    Sorry GOP you were the ones who courted the crazies, now that they're actually winning nominations you can't just drop them when they become inconvenient. You created this beast, you own it.

    • PsycWench

      "You dance with the one you brought to the party".

    • IonaTrailer

      It's ALIVE!!

    • did you hear the ATC story yesterday with what? cook political report maybe? saying they've changed their calculation for the senate (and MO of course) based on akin?

      i wonder if the bagger wins offset the losses due to batshit crazy (where they don't overlap of course).

      certainly, it's making mitt lie more about that stupid welfare crap.

  • SoBeach

    What has gotten into these republican candidates, thinking they can say this stuff out loud? Dude, keep that shit on the D/L. We'll let you know when it's okay to say the stuff we've all been talking about in private, but for now stick with the dog whistles.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Did a piece of The Old Man in the Mountian hit him in the head when it fell? Because he sounds like his eggs are truly scrambled.

  • docterry6973

    Slavery was legal but not lawful? Does that explain the unpleasantness between 1860 and 1864 or not?

    Also, is the the nutjob who brandished a loaded carbine at his press conference, or was that another nutjob? It is so hard to keep them straight.

    No, I see that was Thomas Bleming, GOP primary candidate for US Senator from the great state of Wyoming. The GOP never runs out of these guys.

  • Goonemeritus

    I have to point out that shooting a pregnant woman to prevent an abortion and save a fetus has a few logistical problems.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Pshaw! Such as? You gotta teach these broads a lesson.

      • vulpes82

        They're dirty, dirty whorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrres who need to be punished for their sinfulness!!!!!

  • Let's not be hasty, but it seems as if the sheriff may be exceeding his authority.

    • Gen. Turgidson! I thought you were still down the mineshaft!

  • MissTaken

    I suggest that all American women should just come and move here to California, where not only do all insurance companies have to cover birth control, but now nurses can distribute it. Fuck these assholes. To be more accurate, DON'T allow these assholes to fuck women anymore.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Can we fuck them with votes?

      • sullivanst

        You're encouraged to.

  • elviouslyqueer

    No snark here, but I've always wondered why it is that a bunch of MEN feel that it is their obligation (constitutional or otherwise) to be "passionate about" (to use Szabo's own words) abortion to the point where they have to say shit like "I'm going to shoot somebody dead and/or legislate the fuck out of women's bodies because I know best what's right for a WOMAN."

    I've always said that, as a gay man, I don't have a dog in this fight AT ALL. But seriously, the patriarchal cognitive dissonance with these wingnuts is astonishing and, frankly, scary as shit.

    • PsycWench

      I'd say you absolutely do have a dog in this fight. The mentality that leads these men to try to control my sexuality is the same mentality that leads them to try to control your sexuality. Different Bible verses, similar control issues.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Well, they certainly want to control women. But they'd really like to see gays simply exterminated. Because biblical, is why.

    • MissTaken

      It's a very short jump from legislating a woman's uterus to legislating who you can and cannot have sex with. Sadly, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they started bringing back anti-sodomy laws.

      • SorosBot

        Oh they want to; remember that Rick Santorum came in second in the primaries, and hating on the gays and the women was pretty much his entire platform.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Sadly, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they started bringing back anti-sodomy laws.

        Oh honey. Don't think at least one person hasn't already seriously considered that.

    • sullivanst

      I've always said that, as a gay man, I don't have a dog in this fight AT ALL.

      We all have mothers.

      • emmelemm

        Some of us even have sisters.

    • Except for a brief experimental faze in the late 1980s, I am a straight girl, but I have always had a dog in the fight for LGBT rights. Many of my friends, mentors, colleagues belong to the LGBT community. When I created a major adoption related site in the 1990s, I came out for marriage and adoption rights for LGBT citizens and was shocked that people thought that was ballsy. I fight for LGBT rights not only because my friends and colleagues, but because I believe in the Constitution and that we should all be equal under the law. As long as one group is singled out for less rights, the rights of all others can also be infringed. I stand with the LGBT community because it is simply the right thing to do. I have your back and I hope you have mine, because the people who want to treat you as a second class citizen have similar plans for my gender.
      "Safeguarding the rights of others is the most noble and beautiful end of a human being." -Kahlil Gibran

  • Still it would be cool if he accidentally shot a fetus and was summarily sentenced to hang according to the Romney Personhood Initiatives.

  • StarsUponThars

    “There is a difference between crazy and batshit crazy,” Szabo said.

    • CommieLibunatic

      I think it's mostly a difference of how many times I use the word "fuck" to describe the situation.

  • Misty Malarky

    So y'all got a Mississippi up there, too, huh?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Hey hey HEY now. We actually voted down that Personhood bullshit. I know, I know… even a stopped clock is always right at least twice a day. But still!

      Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to celebrating our #1 in the nation ranking for obesity, racial inequality, and rampant stupidity.

      • Misty Malarky

        When I taught in Alabama the teacher's watchcry was "THANK GOD FOR MISSISSIPPI!". :)_

    • CthuNHu

      More like a Founding Fathers reunion.

      As understood by a particular narrow sect of addle-pated teahadis edumacated solely by internets, who deem themselves the only true followers of Real America traditional government things, and who seriously believe that the office of sheriff, created in Saxon times and enduring in various permutations through the Conqueror, Merrie Olde Englande, the Reformation and the Glorious Revolution, was transferred to US America with no fundamental change from the way they imagine it to have been (spoiler alert: it never was) in some Golden Age when it was the all-powerful arm of the law in its domain, elected by and answerable only to the people, without whose assent no law enforcement action could be taken by any level of government — Kings, Attorneys General, FBI and ATF included — within his domain.

      As you may possibly have guessed, the derp is strong in these.

  • Mahousu

    More gems: Szabo maintains that the county sheriff is a position that doesn't answer to any other public official. Sort of like the Pope? (Who no doubt supports Szabo 1,000 percent.)

    Szabo said he doesn't have any background in law enforcement … Color me shocked.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      When Sarah Palin was asked if she'd ever run for Hillsborough County Sheriff, she replied: "As for that Hillsborough County Sheriff talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the Sheriff does every day?"

  • kissawookiee

    I am unclear on what is supposed to happen when an abortion provider–the vast majority of which are full-grown human beings, last I checked–comes under threat from a sheriff. Clearly SOMEBODY is supposed to end up dead here; a flowchart might come in handy.

    • Mark Wahlberg in a clean room bunny suit with bags over his shoes kills the sheriff.

  • orygoon

    See, folks, the stupid doesn't all live in Texas.

    • That's no news here in Baja Nebraska.

  • proudgrampa

    I will have no comment until we get a legal opinion from Prommie.

  • WhatTheHeck

    But by taking out the woman, not the man, you maintain your republican integrity.

  • freakishlywrong

    They'll never outlaw it though. All this posturing and passing stupid laws is a fucking cash cow on the fundraisin' the fundies part.

    • UW8316154

      The sad/scary part is that appears to work.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    The modern GOP: the batshit goes to 11.

  • pinkocommi

    Someone remind this dipshit those abortion doctors are all overgrown fetuses.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      As he should see it, "full-grown human beings."

  • Not_So_Much

    You guys, he just loves Life so much that he's willing to kill for it.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Sometimes, you have to abort the Republicans to save the life of everyone else.

    • CommieLibunatic

      With votes, of course. Anything forceful would be too savage, yet disturbingly satisfying.

  • Generation[redacted]

    (through bullhorn) "You, in the uterus. Come out with your partially-formed proto-hands up."
    (no answer)
    "That's it. Alright, boys, we're going in!"

  • New Hampshire. Will you guys shut the fuck up about letting the South secede, now?

  • Angry_Marmot

    Violent fantasies, whipping boys
    Are drifting through my closed mind
    Bullets tumble blind as they make their way Across the uterus…

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Considering a fetus is not a full-grown human being, again, I am quiet certain that women and babies are a complete fucking mystery to conservative men.

  • humpback

    The whole state of New Hampshire only has one law school. Not enough room for everybody. So cut the guy some slack.

  • BZ1

    Shouldn’t reject the use of deadly force to stop elective but defective Sherrifs?

  • mavenmaven

    If one ever wondered how it was that the Nazis got ordinary citizens to commit mass murder, here it is, right before one's very eyes, right here in the USA.

  • DahBoner

    Sherriff been stopping at those NH rest stops with the State-run liquor stores…

  • UW8316154

    UPDATE: Szabo apologizes for remarks Thursday…

  • Barnett Slepian was an American physician and OB/GYN who was murdered in his home by anti-abortion activist James Charles Kopp. Wikipedia

    I knew him. He was shot through his dining room window upon his return with his family from Friday night services by a 'Christian anti-abortion activist'

    • Thank-you. that was a very powerful reminder of the humans involved in these hypothetical situations. It is a shame the anti-abortion people cannot seem to remember that people are involved, not just a fetus.

  • schvitzatura

    Abortion doctors should be pregnant womenfolk in NH. Sheriff Douchetard Fuck'emup would blow a fuse/divide by zero/bluescreenofdeath.

  • I can see the scene now. The sheriff bursts into the OR carrying an automatic rifle and proceeds to gun down the doctor while humming the battle hymn of the republic. Then the pregnant women whips out her .357 magnum and blows the sheriff away. She hops off the table and tells the nurse to find another doctor, then says "I'll be back" in her Austrian accent as she heads for Starbucks.

  • Veritas78

    Okay, change in plans. Now we shoot the sheriff and the candidate-for-sheriff. With votes!!

  • SaintRond

    Please join me for 60 seconds of derisive laughter for the memory of Paul Jennings Hill.

    Perhaps Deputy Dawg here can join him one day.

    I'll do the hokey pokie on his grave. Why? Why, you ask? Because, that's what it's all about.

  • Shady_Esperanto

    I am so proud to live in NH. A guy with no law enforcement experience wants to be sheriff so he can shoot doctors, and O'Brien is blaming unions and the postal service for his potential loss in November.

    I don't even know what planet I'm on anymore.

  • owhatever

    He clearly understands that "unlawful" means something that is against the law, and "illegal" is a sick bird. The GOP is seeing what happens when it empties out mental institutions.

  • Schmegeg

    Assuming he won't win, there's a job listing from a judge in Lubbock Texas for mouth breathing lunatics.

    • TribecaMike

      I say drop him off in Luckenbach and let the hippies have at him.

  • Guppy

    A Republican candidate for Hillsborough County Sheriff

    OK, did anybody else immediately think of Tampa when they read this?

  • ttommyunger

    Sheriff libel.

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