WE MEAN HE IS NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR  9:35 am August 23, 2012

Nothing Comes Between Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown And His Calvins

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Calvins, Jordache, whatever.

The year is 1983. Scott Brown is young and handsome and making $20 thousand for a Jordache commercial, which was the equivalent of $500 million in 1983. That is a lot of money for a jeans commercial! Therefore, he was rich and all the women should want to vote for him except that he has girl babies.

Also, he runs like a girl.

[BlueMassGroup]

 

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{ 107 comments }

YouBetcha August 23, 2012 at 9:39 am

I still wouldn't.

PuckStopsHere August 23, 2012 at 9:41 am

Jordache sounds kinda French to me. Are those the pants one wears when one wants to eat cheese and be a surrender monkey?

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

No, those are Capris. Jordache is what you wear if you want Scott Brown to sit on your face.

An_Outhouse August 23, 2012 at 10:30 am

eating cheese, being a surrender monkey, and trolling for a same sex partner.

Come here a minute August 23, 2012 at 9:43 am

Brooke Shields is rolling over in her grave.

fuflans August 23, 2012 at 9:44 am

or punching tom cruise.

Terry August 23, 2012 at 9:45 am

Or rolling over on her Laz-y-boy sofa.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 9:49 am

GLORIA VANDERBILT (AND ANDERSON COOPER) LIBEL!

Sir_Fartz_Alot August 23, 2012 at 9:57 am

she's not dead yet! I think she's getting better.

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 10:34 am

Any vintage of Brooke Shields is welcome to roll over me.

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 9:43 am

"You've got the look, that's all together…you've got the look I want to know better…"
My God, Editrix, why did you make me remember that?! Not cool!!

Schmannnity August 23, 2012 at 9:53 am

Workin', playin' day or night, Jordache has the look that's right.

You're welcome.

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 9:55 am

Cruel bastard.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

That's not cruel

o/~ The Jordache looooooooooooooooooook o/~

Now THAT'S cruel!

Mumbletypeg August 23, 2012 at 10:11 am

o/~ The Jordache looooooooooooooooooook o/~

See, that's what *I* remember. Thank you for sharing, so I didn't have to. (oops..)

not that Dewey August 23, 2012 at 10:04 am
actor212 August 23, 2012 at 10:07 am

What? The original one was too embarassing for even YouTube, home of "Ow! My Balls!"?????

NorthStarSpanx August 23, 2012 at 9:44 am

The Acting, just like his Statesmanship, is superb.

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 9:59 am

There is a difference?

Terry August 23, 2012 at 9:44 am

He should have stuck to modeling. Honestly.

Tundra Grifter August 23, 2012 at 9:45 am

Honey badger still don't care.

Baconzgood August 23, 2012 at 9:59 am

Thanks for the jeans stupid.

RadioBowels August 23, 2012 at 10:02 am

See ya later.

ManchuCandidate August 23, 2012 at 9:46 am

Jordache jeans were the perfect training material for the Teabagger anger bears Brown has to deal with today. At first, they felt okay but after a while they'd squeeze if you bent too much then make you go numb and were all too uncomfortably tight around the crotch.

SorosBot August 23, 2012 at 9:46 am

1983? Dude is old now.

HistoriCat August 23, 2012 at 11:46 am

OK! We get it! You're young!

Schmannnity August 23, 2012 at 9:46 am

No Levis or Wranglers? Why does Scott Brown hate Jews and cowboys?

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:00 am

Jews, I dunno. Cowboys because they have that hole in their stadium.

Maman August 23, 2012 at 9:47 am

OMG. My life just flashed before my eyes. Stone washed denim indeed.

Tundra Grifter August 23, 2012 at 9:47 am

Nothing comes between a Republican and his Calvins. And his Roberts, Todds, Juans, and Jimmys. Also.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 23, 2012 at 9:48 am

People sure were out of focus in 1983.

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 9:53 am

At least we were in color, which is more than you can say for The Greatest Generation!®

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:03 am
Baconzgood August 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

It was all the cocaine.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 9:48 am

Hang on. I know the Nakash family, the owners of the Jordache label, and they told me decades ago that they only hired gay men for their…

Oh my.

Well, it would explain the Playgirl spread. Never could sort that out.

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:04 am

And it would be irresponsible not to speculate…

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

Ooh, you hobnob with the Nakash family! Of Jordache. The jeans! Have you heard of them?! Thanks for that tidbit, Dude, we are going to ride you mercilessly now!

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I'm not proud. I worked in commercial finance in the 70s. You think you guys are tough, you ought to see the schmatke folks.

coolhandnuke August 23, 2012 at 9:48 am

I liked him better in the Hi Karate aftershave commercial where he got kicked in the nuts.

Maman August 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

oooh my dad wore Hai Karate!

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 10:02 am

Which you probably bought for him every Father's Day and Christmas, faithfully, right?

Little known secret: no father wore Hai Karate. They survived their kids.

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:10 am

Yeah, they wore Brut.

Didn't they?

BelleSC August 23, 2012 at 10:27 am

Mine wore Old Spice. And, yes, we gave it to him every year for Christmas.

*Back in the day*

commiegirl99 August 23, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Paco Rabanne.

Maman August 23, 2012 at 11:37 am

Now you have broken my six-year old heart. :-(

Baconzgood August 23, 2012 at 9:50 am

Jordache are chick jeans.

HarryButtle August 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

I was thinkin' the same thing…no self-respecting heterosexual guy would have been caught dead in Jordache jeans in 1983.

BerkeleyBear August 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Well, for 20 grand Brown probably would have done a lot of things back then. God knows he's willing to sell his soul cheap now.

Not_So_Much August 23, 2012 at 9:50 am

What a Jor-douche.

Goonemeritus August 23, 2012 at 9:51 am

Did he get off the train for the young lady or was he just showing an early contempt for Amtrak?

freakishlywrong August 23, 2012 at 9:52 am

Does he have camel toe, fer fuck's sake?

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:06 am

If not, he could borrow Romney's.

johnnyzhivago August 23, 2012 at 9:52 am

I call BS – he was obviously messing with her head. That's the Morristown & Erie tourist RR in NJ – and it only goes like a mile to a beer distributor and an asphalt plant.

Also a big "BOO" from Operation Lifesaver for encouraging people to embrace on active RR tracks.

MilwaukeeKent August 23, 2012 at 10:03 am

No points for the Alco RS-1?

johnnyzhivago August 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

Half a point…   Good to see another railfan wonketeer….

MilwaukeeKent August 23, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Yeah, I recognized one of the tribe with the Koch brother western 1:1 scale layout comment the other day.

Mumbletypeg August 23, 2012 at 9:54 am

Well but as far as the parody department? – - to my mind, no one comes between Scott Brown and himself except Jon Hamm.

freakishlywrong August 23, 2012 at 9:54 am

The hair stylin' is as fresh and modern as the GOP's policies. Actually, more so.

freakishlywrong August 23, 2012 at 9:55 am

I'd like to see Elizabeth Warren get between him and his Senate seat.

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:06 am

Perfect!

boobookitteh August 23, 2012 at 9:56 am

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Honorable Senator Scott Brown.

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 9:57 am

Uh oh, now they're going to post video of Elizabeth Warren in warpaint as a backup singer for Adam Ant, which I believe she counted as her "Native American heritage."

BarackMyWorld August 23, 2012 at 10:37 am

She really is a Goody Two Shoes.

Baconzgood August 23, 2012 at 9:57 am

What's with the crotch fire?

Maman August 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

The Calvin's fit a curvy girl's figure better. Just saying.

ChillBill August 23, 2012 at 9:59 am

Now we know why Jordaches went out of style.

Boredw/Gravitas August 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

Hell with Jordache. Back then I lived in Brittania.

Trannysurprise August 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

Why did he get off the train? Were there blahs on it?

Sharkey August 23, 2012 at 10:02 am

What, he can't afford two train tickets? Cheapskate.

ChillBill August 23, 2012 at 10:09 am

Fiscal responsibility, that's why.

actor212 August 23, 2012 at 10:03 am

Say, what's with jerking his pole about when his fish is clearly dead?

chicken_thief August 23, 2012 at 10:11 am

And wtf is up with her comrade commie hat?

Does Scott Brown have ties to a soshulis?

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:12 am

Somebody's gotta explain jerkin your pole about at your age?

RadioBowels August 23, 2012 at 10:04 am

His first pair of mommy jeans.

thatsitfortheother1 August 23, 2012 at 10:13 am

You misspelled Romney.

UnholyMoses August 23, 2012 at 10:05 am

Sassoons and feathered hair or GFTO!

not that Dewey August 23, 2012 at 10:06 am

Scott Brown . . . Action . . . Jeans!

UnholyMoses August 23, 2012 at 10:06 am

Is it just me, or does anyone else have REO Speedwagon's version of "Riding the Storm Out" runnin' through their head right now … ?

fuflans August 23, 2012 at 10:13 am

i didn't, but i do now.

UnholyMoses August 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

**insert evil laugh here**

ChernobylSoup August 23, 2012 at 10:10 am

They knew back in '83 that their time at the top of the jean pool was limited, and this is all part of a 29 year long guerrilla marketing campaign to get Jordache back on the shelves, and back on your asses.

Mittens Howell, III August 23, 2012 at 10:10 am

Was that a young Michelle Bachmann?

chicken_thief August 23, 2012 at 10:12 am

Needz moar close-ups of the chick's ass.

Mittens Howell, III August 23, 2012 at 10:15 am

You say 'forcible' I say 'legitimate', let's call the whole thing off.

hagajim August 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

I'm just glad I never owned any Jordache jeans now.

elviouslyqueer August 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

Are you sure that's a Jordache commercial? Scotty looks like he'd be much more comfortable in Chic jeans.

fuflans August 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

god a time when we all didn't hate each other.

makes me a little sad, to be honest.

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 10:25 am

You have a rather selective memory.

fuflans August 23, 2012 at 10:28 am

well i was a baby.

still, this climate feels more poisonous than any in my living memory.

(tho to be fair, the jeans are a lot better).

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 10:37 am

I think the Internet amplifies the poison very efficiently, which causes it to increase exponentially.

fuflans August 23, 2012 at 10:49 am

yes, that is really all i mean. i didn't know what the wingnuts were thinking and i wish i still didn't know what they were thinking.

though to be fair, we wouldn't be having this conversation without it.

BarackMyWorld August 23, 2012 at 10:42 am

If by "we" you mean straight male white people, then maybe. Everyone else was still pretty reviled, Coke commercials and music videos not withstanding.

Arken August 23, 2012 at 10:23 am

I prefer this Jordache ad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fULxWhyySX8

viennawoods13 August 23, 2012 at 10:49 am

Okay, that was strange…

Tundra Grifter August 23, 2012 at 11:42 am

They had me at 0:20.

BarackMyWorld August 23, 2012 at 10:40 am

We laugh, but I bet he got SO MUCH ass back then.

ttommyunger August 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Probably fucked a girl or two, also, as well as….

DahBoner August 23, 2012 at 10:40 am

What does he have against Bell Bottoms, worn by Fabulous US Navy sailirs???

Jeri 2.0 August 23, 2012 at 10:42 am

He doesn't run like a girl – he prances like a dressage horse. Too bad Mittens didn't see this before he tapped Raynd.

Isyaignert August 23, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Raynd – good one!! I've taken to calling Mrs. Mittens "Ayn Rmoney" ever since her 'you people' comment.

BZ1 August 23, 2012 at 10:42 am

Liz, take this poser out!

viennawoods13 August 23, 2012 at 10:51 am

Wow. The intensity, the raw emotion of that fight on the bleachers- this man is wasting himself on the Senate! He needs to get back to acting!

Tundra Grifter August 23, 2012 at 11:41 am

We used to sneak into Levi's cafeteria on the edge of North Beach for a nice, inexpensive lunch. Sitting down it was easy to notice the employees wore every brand of jeans made.

I thought this was rather stupid. If you make Fords for a living, you sure as Hell don't drive a Honda to work.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I'm glad I was still wearing osh-kosh in 1983.

Chet Kincaid_ August 23, 2012 at 5:09 pm

If you had the same mouth you have today, I'm sure your parents never had a dull moment!

ttommyunger August 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

501's or GTFO!

viennawoods13 August 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

We got our dad handkerchiefs. Because for some unknown reason into the 1970's he still used them as opposed to kleenex.

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