On the toilet, one secNow that Missouri’s finest reproductive sorcerer Rep. Todd Akin is “in it,” by which we mean his Senate race, so as “to win it,” we should expect to see many on the right to start saying, oh well, maybe we were too hard on the ol’ galoot after all. It was just one sentence, right? These things happen. And Illinois father of the millennium Rep. Joe Walsh is out early to shield his colleague from those who would have his head. “What he said was offensive, insulting and wrong, but I’m bothered by this rush to pile on,” Walsh told a group of Young Republicans yesterday. “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.”

We find ourselves in rare agreement with Congressman Walsh. Since when is there a “rush to pile on” to a fellow god-fearing Republican politician who expresses a terribly offensive and stupid comment about rape? Where was the rush to his defense? Look, scientists say one thing, but then religious-organization-affiliated fake scientist people say this other thing. Can’t we teach both in our schools? And as a side point, who stripped alchemy from the curriculum?

Of course the party would have rushed to Akin’s defense had there not been a 24-hour window available in which he could have dropped out and been replaced with a more solid candidate in a must-win race for control of the Senate. But now that’s over. Cheer up, Joe Walsh! The cavalry will come, soon enough.

[Patch via HuffPo]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • UnholyMoses

    Dear Rep. Walsh

    Shut. The. Fuck. Up. And. Pay. Your. Goddamn. Child. Support.


    Men like me who do

    • Jus_Wonderin


    • Hear hear! You made 'em, you bought 'em.

      • UnholyMoses


        Even if I've only seen her for, oh, about three of her 20 years (long, long, loooooooonnnngggg story; I'll just note that I did all I could — and more — and my conscience is clear), and will stop having to pay soon (she's not in college any more) I've always had that mindset.

        It's called "personal responsibility." And worthless, scumbag, gigantic assholes like Walsh should try it sometime.

        • I'm sorry, man. My ex and I managed to make sure we had equal footing. I can't imagine how tough it was for you.

          • UnholyMoses


            The mom and I weren't married — just drunk high school friends. And she was engaged to another high school friend. Who, not surprisingly, wasn't friends with either of us after that.

            Then she lost. her. fucking. mind and decided that I could be a great conduit for welfare fraud and ensuring she never had to work.

            I refused and was shut out from 1992 until about 2004ish. I made contact around then and truly tried to be there as much as I could, and in every way — financially, emotionally, everything. Hell, my wife even treated my daughter as ours, rather than just a visitor every other Saturday.

            I did all I could to connect with her — went to museums, on campouts, to movies, let her have sleepovers at our place with her friends, just sat and talked (or tried to) … just everything I could think of to make it … "normal."

            By that point, though, my daughter was convinced I was rich because I had **GASP** a job and a car and wasn't living in a certified slum (which are much better than the non-certified ones, as the roaches at least wait until you fall asleep). Oh, and her mom convinced her I was an evil douchebag who was basically just there to buy her stuff.

            Then the day came when I got The Call …

            I can assure you that it sucks when your own kid tells you straight up that she doesn't love you, and doesn't really have any feelings for you at all. And never will.

            The way I see it: She formed an idea of who I was based on her psychotic mother, and nothing I could ever do would ever change that. It was a losing battle.

            It has, however, proven to me that being a parent has NOTHING to do with biology. Not at all. Not even a little.

            It has to do with simply being there.

          • Chichikovovich

            That's a harsh hand to be dealt. My heart goes out to you.

          • bobbert

            Man, that's tough. It sounds like she's about 20 now, so there's a least a small chance that over the next few years she will review her life from an adult perspective and come to view you as a friend. But you are dead right about the need to be there, especially during the first eight or ten years, in order to be a parent.

            From my own experience, I can just grasp a little sliver how how this must feel. It's easy, and true, for me to say "Stay strong, it's not really about you"; but really, what a fucking burden. Best wishes.

          • Negropolis

            Trust me, this is a phase. Maybe it will be a very long one (and maybe a short one), but there will come a time when she needs you more than she ever thought she would. Short of you having done something unspeakable or being a criminal, she'll come to the realization that few things are ever perfect and the situation will start to make sense.

          • Terry

            Give your daughter a few years. She'll be out on her own and may come to see things differently.

          • UnholyMoses

            I sincerely can't thank you all enough for the kind words.


            Just another reason why I love this place …

            **wipes tear from corner of eye**

          • Jadetiger79

            I am so sorry this happened to you. I know other men this has happened to, so while that in and of itself is no comfort, take heart that at least you weren't singled out.

            I commend you for your strength and bravery, and do so wish there were more good men like you around. Biggest hug imaginable.

        • sullivanst

          It's called "personal responsibility."

          That's for other people.

    • Callyson

      Speaking as a daughter of a father who didn't pay for a while, but came back and more than made up for it by helping me through college, I send an internet hug your way!

      • I hope Dad's proud of you. It's obvious from reading your posts you're intelligent, perceptive, compassionate, and funny. You can't get a better child than that. (Unless maybe you hit the lottery and cut him in.)

        • Callyson

          Aw, thanks…right back at ya!

      • UnholyMoses

        Awww … shucks. Thanks.

        Your dad has obviously done well!! :-)

        • Callyson

          Aw, you're too kind…(blushes)

    • pdiddycornchips

      Joe believes that subsidizing children leads to dependency and his kids will learn to pull themselves up by their pampers.

      • Or their mothers can do it — which is, I think, Joe's plan for "man"kind.

    • Not_So_Much

      Even though I'm still stuck on the number 1 as far as wives go (chronic underachiever), couldn't agree with you more.

    • Jadetiger79

      My ex owes about the same amount Walsh does…$118,266.65. It's been 23 years since I got the order. The child was the product of a vicious rape that left me beaten and stabbed in a hotel room. Bless you men who do the right thing. It's very rare.

      • Terry

        Good lord. Words aren't enough here.

      • UnholyMoses

        (((BIG, HUGE HUG)))

    • ThundercatHo

      Perfect. This is the reason I hate him much more than other asshole teabaggers esp. since my ex never paid. I have great respect for all men who do live up to their reponsibility.

  • Come here a minute

    If the Grand Old Party can support a deadbeat dad like Rep. Walsh, they should have the decency to also support the rape-denier Rep. Todd Akin.

    As a great poet once said, "It just makes sense. Does it to you?"

    • sewollef

      That's so funny, 'cos my great poet once said Joe is an arse. And Todd is a prick.

      So there's that.

    • I miss old "Duzz it tah yew?" What happened to that guy? He was no Skoal Rebel or, but he had promise.

  • metamarcisf

    Headline of the day (Washington Post):

    "Romney Gets 0% of Blacks in New Poll"

    • Mitt just wants to know how much is 3/5 of 0%.

      • That's Fox Math, that there, best leave it to the experts at Fox News to figure that out. Once they have it in pie chart form, it will reveal the fact that Romney actually has 120% of the Black vote.

    • that sure is.

    • SorosBot

      He's even lost Herman Cain?

    • UnholyMoses

      Well, we all knew it wouldn't be any more than 13% …

    • WhatTheHeck

      And what % of black Mormons did he get?

      • Just for the record, is there an African-American Log Cabin Mormon? If so, he should come over here and introduce himself. I'd like to hear some of his word salad.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Not to my knowledge but there is a black Republican Mormon woman running for Congress in Utah, which is about as crazy as it sounds. Especially since she's a social right winger who has a shot at unseating one of the very few Dems in the Utah delegation.

          • Everyone who votes for her gets to say, “See, I'm not prejudiced,” afterwards.

      • Major Thom

        All of 'em, monkey.

    • Guess the Mormon Church is going to be getting rid of the Blacks again.

    • Callyson

      I thought you were snarking, but this is serious!

      Today, we are all Blacks…

    • SexySmurf

      The poll had a margin of error of 3%, so Romney might actually be getting -3% of the black vote.

      • There's not enough p for that.

      • Nostrildamus

        To paraphrase Stephanie Miller: The -3% figure raises all sorts of possibilities. If there are more blacks who hate Romney than there are living blacks, are black people coming back from the dead to vote against Romney?

        • bobbert

          Well, if black people are 3/5 of white people, then white people are 1.67 of black people, so a mere 1.8% of white people that really, really hate Mitt Rmoney <raises hand> would account for the variance.

    • Biff

      Driving down 101 the other day, I saw a billboard that proclaimed "Martin Luther King was a Republican"…

      • For realz?

        • Biff

          Yeah. Southbound from Salinas, before Paso Robles…

          • bobbert

            Yeah, but in that stretch you get billboards with personal ads from Jesus and a wide variety of lawyers promising Jesus-like miracles.

          • Years ago I would have thought you were joking, then I spent some time in Floridah.

          • HistoriCat

            My road trip through Floriduh this summer was a never-ending series of nausea-inducing anti-abortion billboards. Apparently no one has any real business to advertise down there.

      • unclejeems

        He may have been a Republican, in the days when the tiny group of southern Republicans consisted of the >10% of African Americans who could vote, and your crazy Aunt Jane. Think he voted for Nixon in 1960? Not a chance.

    • Negropolis

      I think this is the que the Republican Party needs to now start using the word "nigger" in their formal press releases.

    • Terry

      Among Hispanic people, he's probably got a percentage made up almost entirely of Cuban-Americans and men whose families have owned sizable portions of land in Southwestern states for more than four generations.

  • "Even though I just piled on, I’m bothered by this rush to pile on."

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Well at least our dear QuitterTM Sarah Palin on Susteren last night prefaced her piling on by saying she wasn't gloating that her Primary pick was better and that bless his heart, she's not meaning to pile on but he should back out by September 25 or Steelman should mount a third party run at his seat.

      • Oh, that's worth seeing!

      • bobbert

        Oh, how can we encourage a third-party run?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The concept of "Rush" and "Pile on" lead my brain into places that I do not wish it to visit.

  • And if anyone knows "offensive, insulting and wrong," it's Our Joey.


    • our joey is gaffey joe the man biden.

      this joey is 'joe going back to whatever soulless chicago suburb he crawled out of' joe.

      and i sincerely hope it's that blasted heath barrington.

      • I see more about this butthole in national media than I ever do in the Trib, Sun-Times or local newscasts. (As I have mentioned, the wife and I are the entire subscriber base keeping the Chicago news industry afloat.)

        • Yep, he's no Drew Peterson.

          • Drew Peterson owns Chicago media!

          • Negropolis

            God, I hate that guy. Every time I see his face on my television I yell "What the fuck are you smiling about?!"

        • bobbert

          I thought nobody read shit on paper anymore.

          • Even if you don't, he can't be escaped.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I can't understand why people piled on either. Remember the respect and support Anthony Weiner got for his little foopah?

    • LibertyLover

      Yeah, the only sex scandal in Washington without any sex.

      • ProgressiveInga

        Little late to the game here, but I recall about 7 1/2 inches of sex in that scandal.

        • bobbert

          Hypothetical sex.

    • Little point of order here, there's a big difference between faux pas (which Weiner committed, big time) and FUPA (see Republican keynote speaker). Foopah is a word which attempts to conflate two things which should really, really not be conflated.

  • marconidarwin

    OMG, Joe Walsh wants to gay-marry Todd Akin!

    • kittensdontlie

      It's win-win for them both, with no one getting pregnant and/or paying child support.

  • Joe Walsh, no ordinary clueless GOPer.

  • Three times I sail around the world, but do they call me Pierre the Sailor? No.

    But suck one cock….

    • bobbert

      When Pierre goes down…

      Oh, wait, that was Pierre the Aviator.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    God. Has any other face asked so keenly and completely to be punched. I swear, I could recreate the Eagle's Moon landing site if you give me a few minutes with this fuck up.

    Am I obligated to add, "with votes" or not?

    • ThundercatHo

      Hey, I have a baseball bat that has been very recently named "Votes", care to borrow it?

  • Geminisunmars

    In balloon over Joey's head: Uh-oh. If they can pile on like that on Akin, just think what they might do once they get a load of me.

  • LibertyLover

    I am beginning to think that Joe Walsh has a desperate need for attention.

  • docterry6973

    The GOP will never run out of idiots.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Nail a GOP candidate's feet to a big turbine. Watch him go downhill and turn turbine. Replacement GOP candidate arrives and is nailed to turbine. Wheel turns. Repeat ad infinitum.

      This could be the secret to perpetual motion and free energy for everyone. Thanks, GOP!

    • Negropolis

      It's idiot elephants all the way down…

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Todd Akin, why don't you come to your senses?
    You been out cruising elementary schools for so long now
    Oh, you're a hard one but I know that you got your reasons
    Those back-alley abortions are gonna haunt you somehow

    I can't wait for you up against Claire McCaskill, boy
    She'll beat you if she's able
    You know that walking away is always your best bet

    • Wait, is this the Linda Ronstadt or Eagles version? I need to know if I should arrange for a piano or not.

      • LibertyLover

        Acapella, with feeling.

        • Gropey throaty-singing. Check.

          • Tequila Mockingbird

            Wait! Imma let you finish!

            Todd Akin, oh you ain't gettin' no younger
            Even Ann Coulter wants you to drag your sorry ass home
            And freedom? oh free-dumb, well that's just Tea Party talkin'
            Trust me, you’re in the GOP race all alone

            Don't your mouth get tired of the bullshit lines?
            The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
            It's hard to tell the night time from the day
            You're losin' all your highs and lows
            Ain't it funny how the feelin' goes away?

          • *holds up iPhone lighter app*

          • bobbert

            Desperate Asshole.

  • coolhandnuke

    Is "pile on" one of them oopsfamisms for illegitimate rape?

  • Trust me, the last thing I want is to pile onto Todd Akin. It sounds like the least sexy thing I can imagine

    • (Shudders violently) Why even go there!?

      • I'm drunk…

        *checks watch*

        …in about a half hour.

        • bobbert

          Proactive, eh?

    • anniegetyerfun

      There's a lot of room on that forehead, though. Think of how many people you could fit!

  • rockyoumonkeys

    *Leaps back in front of a camera*

    Hey, I need attention too, let me also tell you how wrong Akin was while also trying to not piss off my own party! LOVE ME!!!!

  • “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.”

    It's hard to hear them over the din of members of your own party going "He said WHAT?!?!?!?!??!!?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Yes, well, when those members include the presidential and vice-presidential nominees and the head of the party, it may be time for Joe to unpack his bags for Tampa.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Yes, well, our little Joey is pretty tone deaf, as well as an asshole.

  • Walsh continued, "hell, why not put a rapist on the ballot?!"

    • "You know you want to!

    • One_who_wanders

      Rapist – Deadbeat. It is a Dream Ticket.

    • Negropolis

      Followed up by: "I mean, did you see what that Democrat was wearing? He/she was asking for a challenge."

  • fartknocker

    I somewhat gotta agree with you Joe since you didn't hear one fucking GOP member tell you that your prick and a piece of shit for not paying child support.

    FYI, Duckworth is ahead by 8% in her election bid for this douche stain.

    • mrpuma2u

      Good, i hope Duckworth gets rid of this stain on the reputation of already tarnished Illinois politics. Joe can fade into obscurity with Willard Romney. I can hardly wait.

    • It doesn't say a lot for his district that the veteran with Federal experience isn't even into the double digits. Go, Tammy!

      • bobbert

        Really. Unfortunately, it says a lot about the sad state of the fucking Union, not just her district.

  • widestanceromance

    Oh, come now, Joey, you saw what Akin was wearing. Did that not scream 'free anal: come n' get it' to you?

  • something about Limbaugh and construction cones.. babble..

  • Walsh and Akin are heading up the next hard-hitting political show, Conservative Shit Ingestors: Phony Victims Unit, wherein they'll be defending the last bastion of freedom, put-upon racist misogynist white males who don't want to pay for anything but hookers and blow.

  • BloviateMe

    He then added, "know why women don't need watches? There's a perfectly good clock on the stove."

    • "I turned my dishwasher into a snow plow. I gave her a shovel!"

    • For my anniversary, my wife demanded to go someplace she'd never been. So I took her to the kitchen.

      • One_who_wanders

        Thank you. We'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitresses and bartenders and do try the Veal!

      • Is that from "The Lockhorns"? Or is it vintage Dangerfield?

        • Henny Youngman

          Yes, I am old. Why do you ask?

  • Wadisay

    Really, they ought to replace all the lights at the Tampa convention center with 25-watters, to symbolize the not-too-bright guys within.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Cockroaches like the dark

    • sudsmckenzie

      Dont get them Started on light bulbs.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        The Devil's inventions, they are! It's candles & oil lamps & nothing else! As God, Jesus, and the American Bald Eagle so proclaimed!

  • SorosBot

    Well it's not like Akin said anything the rest of the Republicans don't agree with; others just know it's untenable to most of the public and so only say it in private.

    • Negropolis

      Yes, in private rooms, in fact.

  • MistaEko

    Sure, this hot stove burned my hand, but why, I ask you, does nobody have the courage to touch it again?

  • pdiddycornchips

    Akin/Walsh 2016 or Walsh/Akin?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Man. Trying to figure out Joe's convoluted logic is like trying to juggle running chainsaws while jogging on a treadmill wearing 4-inch stiletto heels and having your hands thoroughly slathered with Crisco.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      You just described every closeted gay Republican's dream of what they'd see in Tampa next week.

    • Hey, don't threaten ME with a good time!

    • bobbert

      Hmm, is there video?

    • Negropolis

      You sound way too familiar with this scenario. lol

  • Lot_49

    And majesty of the Citizens United decision will be further revealed—or not—in October when a mighty torrent of Rovian super-PAC money begins to stream quietly into Akin's campaign trough.

  • And as a side point, who stripped alchemy from the curriculum?

    who indeed? we could all use a little john dee or nicholas flamel right now.

    • mbobier

      Even they would be feeling a bit splenetic about these guys….

  • HarryButtle

    “What he said was offensive, insulting and wrong, but I’m bothered by this rush to pile on,” Walsh told a group of Young Republicans yesterday. “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.”

    Yea, what's with all the piling on? I mean, it's not like the guy didn't pay his child support or something…

  • Rotundo_

    When you have someone of the moral caliber of Joe ("Not the guitarist, the asshole!) Walsh defending you, you must surely know you have messed up large.

  • PsycWench

    He then wistfully thought back to the innocent old days when a man like Mark Sanford could fly to Argentina for a tryst a few times before he was caught.

  • sudsmckenzie

    hey Joe, do you have a live in storage space lined up for November?, dont forget a coleman heater cause they dont have outlets.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Not much venting either, don't want to die from carbon monoxide poisoning when the First Responders dither on that call.

  • sbj1964

    One cannot defend the indefensible.The GOP is the party of hate,and they let shit like this slip all the time.The rubes who vote for them are just dumber than most.

  • Now that Missouri’s finest reproductive sorcerer

    Harry Palmer?

  • kittensdontlie

    I don't want Sarah Palin to know this, but Walsh's suggestion about rallying around Akin would be the bestest thing the Repugnantcans could do to win these elections…shhhh…let's keep this one quiet.

    • Yea. We liberals would HATE it if all the Thuglicans got in line behind Akin, and maybe made him keynote speaker or something so he could explain himself on national the TeeVee

  • mrpuma2u

    Now it's your turn Joe! Say something (stupid) that will make headlines! It's your big chance!

  • I must say that the deafening noise of the Republican party cleaving itself in twain is like the gentle cooing of angel singers to my ears.

  • mavenmaven

    I mean, rape, big deal, but believing in climate change, now THAT'S a crime.

  • Yes, why won't the Republican's rally around Akin. After all, the party platform agrees with him.

  • Callyson

    Gee, why are people going after Akin? Could it be that this is far from the first time that fucker has shown contempt for women who are rape survivors?


    • Fox E. Puppet

      Maybe the real question is simply why Akin & why now? This shit's been going down for a long time- from Akin, Walsh, Ryan, etc., so why is it a big fuckin' deal all of a sudden?

  • hagajim

    If the GOP can support Diaperman David Vitter then they can certainly stick by misogynist man Todd Akin. Hell, he is the party platform for abortion, right down to the "legitimate" rape thingy.

  • Fox E. Puppet

    We had to remove alchemy from the curricula- what would happen to us if gold is devalued?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Hey, they could come to Dallas, I could show them our newest feature: the West Nile.

  • "A lot of things are worse than offensive, insulting, and wrong. Me for instance."

  • Antispandex

    “What he said was offensive, insulting and wrong, but I’m bothered by this rush to pile on,” Walsh told a group of Young Republicans yesterday. “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.”

    Because what republicans do is stand up for people who are offensive, insulting, and wrong.

  • barto

    Does a day pass when Joe Walsh doesn't get something?

  • rocktonsam

    I bet he doesn't get much, of anything ,ever

  • thurufally

    Todd Akin. Joe Walsh. Sara Palin. George Bush. Donald Trump. Christine O'Donnell. Joe Wilson ("You Lie!"). Rick Santorum. Sharon Angle. Herman Cain. Michele Bachmann. Pat Robertson. Rick Perry. Sue Loudon (Chickens for Check-ups).

    What the fuck, over? Is there a test for "crazy" Republicans have to take to run for office?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Meanwhile, with his party obsessed with arguments about "when is rape rape" – surely a winning issue – and God threatening to wipe out his convention next week with a hurricane, Mitt Rmoney cries bitter robot tears.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Why didn't they just decide to have the convention at one of Romney's houses inland? Was it the lack of titty bars and gloryholes?

  • thurufally

    “What he said was offensive, insulting and wrong, but I’m bothered by this rush to pile on,” Walsh told a group of Young Republicans yesterday. “And I’m bothered by the silence of members of our own party to stand up for him.”

    Exactly, Joe! When have Republicans ever failed to stand up for what's offensive, insulting, and wrong?!"

  • docterry6973

    Don't worry, Joe. Ol' Todd will be fully rehabilitated any day now.

  • mavenmaven

    Here's a winning entry into the increasingly crowded field of maniacal lunatics:

  • PuglyDoRight

    Best. Alt text. Ever.

  • Warpde

    Oh! It's getting so hard to tell the differences between the two Joe Walsh's.
    Walsh on love or Walsh on Acki"n for love.

  • Negropolis

    If had Joe got it, I would have taken it as a sign of the end times.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I had quite a few reactions when I heard that Joe Walsh supported Akin, but surprise was not one of them.

  • "We need to stand up for people who are offensive, insulting and wrong!" Joe Walsh

  • Larry McAwful

    If they sue Akin's ass off the ballot, I'm sure they could still squeeze Alan Keyes in.

  • ttommyunger

    I hate being so shallow; one should never put too much weight on one's personal appearance, but this Walsh turd just looks like such a fucking weasel right out of the box.

Previous articleGOP Convention’s ‘We Built It!’ Theme Night To Be Held In Arena That Government Built
Next articleTexas Judge Wants Tax Increase To Help Law Enforcement Fend Off Obama’s U.N. Takover