GREAT MOMENTS IN PUNDITRY  1:13 pm August 22, 2012

NRO: Ladies Should Love Mitt Romney Because Of Gold-Digging, And Having Daughters Made Obama Gay

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Total fag“From an evolutionary point of view,” harrumphs Kevin Williamson of the National Review Online, “Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote. All of it. He should get Michelle Obama’s vote. You can insert your own Mormon polygamy joke here, but the ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs.” But why is this? Because Mitt Romney is super-rich, you guys (we don’t know if you have heard), and women select for status, and evolutionary biology proves that high-status animals produce more males and Mitt Romney has five sons — Tagg, Dack, Tupper, Tyrone and T’Nesho — while Barack Obama has two daughters, because his semen has sparkles in it and smells like Elizabeth Arden. Oh, sorry, here is your actual quote:

Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

Haha, Obama has daughters! What a fag!

Let us block-quote, brothers and sisters, just to ensure we are not taking Herr Williamson out of his proper context!

You want off-the-charts status? Check out the curriculum vitae of one Willard M. Romney: $200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away), apex alpha executive, CEO, chairman of the board, governor, bishop, boss of everything he’s ever touched. Son of the same, father of more. It is a curious scientific fact (explained in evolutionary biology by the Trivers-Willard hypothesis — Willard, notice) that high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap. The offspring of rich families are statistically biased in favor of sons — the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male. Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain.

Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

Oh, yes, Mitt Romney’s princely 10 percent to his church charity. Yawn. Let us read some more, because it is ‘tarded.

Saleh al-Rajhi, billionaire banker, left behind 61 children when he cashed out last year. We don’t do harems here, of course, but Romney is exactly the kind of guy who in another time and place would have the option of maintaining one. He’s a boss. Given that we are no longer roaming the veldt for the most part, money is a reasonable stand-in for social status. Romney’s net worth is more than that of the last eight U.S. presidents combined. He set up a trust for his grandkids and kicked in about seven times Barack Obama’s net worth, which at $11.8 million is not inconsiderable but probably less than Romney’s tax bill in a good year. If he hadn’t given away so much money to his church, charities, and grandkids, Mitt Romney would have more money than Jay-Z.

So ladies — and Queen Michelle — why aren’t you voting for the rich guy who has more status because he is rich and has sons? WHY are you insisting on voting with your brains, for your interests, instead of just bending over for the sheikh (HE HAS MONEY)?

Kevin Williamson has odd thoughts on women?

[NRO]

 
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{ 369 comments }

Gratuitous World August 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm

just a hunch but I'm guessing Mitt leads in the "cardigan" category.
good try though.

DaveJ August 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

They are fucking VIRILE cardigans, made from the pubic hair of tigers he murdered with his bare hands.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

He didn't enchant them because he's a warlock, then?

anniegetyerfun August 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

He and Putin should get along marvelously.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Lies! Mitt Romney wears a suit and tie to bed.

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

And he runs the table in the "prancing pony" category.

deanbooth August 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm

But Obama is a cardigan carrying member of the ACLU.

Boojum August 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hmmmm….leader of the free world vs. out work guy who plays with money. Sounds like the Big O brings the Big O.

actor212 August 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't a certain testosterone-laden, face-shootin' Vice President only have two daughters, as well? One of whom ended up gay-married?

And a lesbian novelist for a wife?

miss_grundy August 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Editrix will probably delete my post but I have to get this off my chest:

Mitt Romney is the rat bastard son of a slattern and a pimp. A jerk who was raised to worship money and believe that anyone who isn't in his tax bracket should not be allowed to live. He was raised by wolverines in a state where stupidity reigns supreme. He is such a jerk that he allowed his boyhood home to fall to a wrecking ball and then tried to say that he's a homeboy even though he wanted the American auto industry to die, considering that his old man at one point was the CEO of American Motors. To say that I loath and despise this man is not enough. Not only do I hate him, I hate his stupid political party that has the temerity to call people of my ethnic group "terrorists". And I can tell you that he is making me hate white people as well, because I've met white people who are good, kind and decent human beings. I only hope to God that people see reason in November and send this asshat packing once and for all.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I suspect he grew up well enough. But head injury (and brain infection) can turn people into sociopaths. That's my theory for this guy.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Seconded to everything; adding only that Paul Ryan makes Mitt look like fucking Gandhi.

Isyaignert August 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Rmoney reminds me of a sociopathic, @ssholish Mr. Rogers – so if the cardigan fits…

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm

It's a pig-ugly day in Mitt's neighborhood.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm

"Mitt Romney wearing cardigan" yields 2,790,000 results on Google.
"Barack Obama wearing cardigan" gets a paltry 449,000.

Coincidence? I think perhaps not.

Barb_ August 22, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Money isn't the lovely deodorant that Kevin Williamson seems to think it is.

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

And yet, Donald Trump manages to find women willing to fuck him, so there's that.

anniegetyerfun August 22, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I like to think that they just lie back, close their eyes, and think of England. Or Slovakia or wherever he imports them from.

HempDogbane August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

It is for Mr. Williamson, who has never been fucked without paying for it.

Wadisay August 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm

This article does prove, however, that Romney is the guy I would like to rob at gunpoint.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Willie Sutton, that you?

bureaucrap August 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

We need a "high testosterone" president! Just look at what a miracle of economic growth Ahhhhnold made california into!

sewollef August 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Or there's college drop-out, the late Steve Jobs of that little company, Apple [Market Cap: $620 bn].

Jobs had three daughters and one son.

Sorry Kev, your theory is shite… as the rest of your "theories".

vulpes82 August 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Well, one daughter he ignored and didn't even acknowledge for years, so his testosterone must have been plenty high.

Gratuitous World August 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

it's cool dude! women will be too busy gold-digging to get to the polls. because of science.

IonaTrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

and also because they can control their lizard-like lady-parts.

BZ1 August 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Kevin Williamson begins his stand-up comedy career??

Biel_ze_Bubba August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I don't know about stand-up, but the Onion would gladly publish that hilarious crap, verbatim.

Seriously, the Onion needs a "Poe's Law" column for this sort of shit. ("What copyright violation? It was ridiculous from start to finish, so it's fair use to publish the whole thing!)

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:02 pm

By following in the footsteps of Michael Richards.

DaveJ August 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I eagerly await his next column, in which he details the many reasons why Dr. Strangelove's plan to continue the human race through "prodigious breeding" between government leaders and sexxxxxy ladies deep underground in mine shafts was actually a really super good idea.

Chichikovovich August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Can we send this fucker down now, and promise to send the ladies later?

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Isn't that your territory?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 25, 2012 at 3:58 am

I doubt the mines are that deep.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

He has a reservation on the Ark Fleet, Ship B

mr bojangles August 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm

the women will be selected based on their physical attributes!

prommie August 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Hmmm, the GOP is now out of the closet with its racism, homophobia, and sexism.

I think the only thing they are keeping secret anymore is the fascism.

IncenseDebate August 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Some things are too obvious to mention.

Geminisunmars August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

They think.

Shellwith2Ls August 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

That's not much of a secret either.

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm

That kind of reading comprehension is just beyond the pale of reasonable political discourse, Sir!!

GeorgiaBurning August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Keep an eye on their website for the downloadable marching songs and free shipping on the fancy uniforms.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:03 pm

"I think the only thing they are keeping secret anymore is the fascism."

They're doing a piss poor job of it.

Nostrildamus August 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Well, that plus the utter contempt they hold for the schlubs who vote for them.

stellatex August 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

These people are characters out of "Idiocracy."

KeepFnThatChicken August 22, 2012 at 1:17 pm

…and the war against man-women rages on.

succalina August 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Not only has Todd uber-uterus Akin fucked his chances at getting moderate women's votes, but now they go after Fathers With Daughters. Brilliant. What gender are Kevin's kids – or is he a big ole homo and have NONE?

bumfug August 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm

"Romney is exactly the kind of guy who in another time and place would have the option of maintaining [a harem]."

Right – that would be his grandfather's time. At his grandfather's place.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Winner!

Oblios_Cap August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

In Mexico.

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You can make anything sound nasty by adding "in Mexico"!

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

…with a donkey!

Angry_Marmot August 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Waiting for Sanchez.

bobbert August 22, 2012 at 2:23 pm

You have a dirty mind.

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Because what GOP'er doesn't want to bring up the issue of multiple wives in relation to Mitt Romney?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

At another time, in another place, and on another planet, Mitt could be president.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Screw that. He gets to be God.

taylormattd August 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Paul Ryan's semen also sparkles, but it smells like Axe body spray.

elviouslyqueer August 22, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Enjoli, more like.

kaels August 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Ew, Matt, you just made me think about Paul Ryan's semen.

veritass August 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

boss of everything he’s ever touched…

…except the factories that were shut down while he was CEO. He was definitely not the boss of those.

zwoits August 23, 2012 at 2:21 am

nor Bain after he went to save the Olympics

Steverino247 August 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Kevin's not getting any pussy, is he?

kittensdontlie August 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

He seems more excited about the male side of this equation, and the prospects of marrying into Rmoney wealth especially.

actor212 August 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I think he gets himself.

Steverino247 August 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Which is what he richly deserves!

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm

His right hand said it "likes him as a friend".

actor212 August 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm

That must have been after the TRO was withdrawn

Billmatic August 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Everyone knows a proper father is alcoholic, emotionally distant and at the very least verbally abusive. Anything else is against family basic values.

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Nobody is getting my vote until I see a complete facial symmetry analysis.

Also, who is taller? That's the real question.

MissTaken August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

And who will wear more red ties.

IonaTrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Who can slam-dunk?

ttommyunger August 22, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Hmmmm. I'm thinking someone has a really tiny dick-which doesn't work.

OzoneTom August 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm

"From an evolutionary point…" Wut!?!? Is that good ot bad?

Lascauxcaveman August 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Whew! Romney, with all those kids! And all boys!

Clearly a homo who waaay overcompensating.

freakishlywrong August 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I feel a little soiled reading that. Almost voyeuristic. Gross.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Well, you did just watch someone masturbate, so yeah.

mrblifil August 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Someone seems to be overcompensating for something. Also, too, if we derive value from virility that is expressed as the having of boys, then eventually we end up in a society that's all boys, and hence I give you buttsechs.

RedneckMuslin August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

You won't give me buttsechs.

Angry_Marmot August 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

How 'bout them Spartans, hengh?

miss_grundy August 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

No, you will have China, where girls are at a premium and some have more than one husband, because the Chinese decided the one-child policy and decided to kill infant girls. What fuck-face doesn't seem to understand, it is the girls who have the babies. And without them, society at some point will die. 'Cause buttsechs between men will not make the babies…..

zwoits August 23, 2012 at 2:24 am

it will create a society free from abortion.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Kevin's dream.

CthuNHu August 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"…the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male."

Only possible conclusion: Rich fucks are unusually prone to female infanticide.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Excuse me, "sex selective abortion"

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Ladies and gentlemen, the next Republican nominee for President: Mr Ghengis Khan!

Franknflower August 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Didn't W spawn two vaginal humans?

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Yes, and it is now universally recognized among Republicans that he wasn't a True Scotsman Conservative.

Franknflower August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

But W had such a big package.

Terry August 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Dark Lord Cheney did, too.

Exhausted66 August 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Yeah, but only one really counts.

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

They had to retain all of their Manliness in order to defend our Freedoms!1!

Biel_ze_Bubba August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Dumbya was a pussy RINO by today's GOP standards.

Franknflower August 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

One of Cheney's daughter's is a Lesbian. Doesn't that count as half a man?

actor212 August 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Well, she's only following in Mom's footsteps.

superdave August 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I believe the term is Vagina-Americans.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I thought it was vaginoidals….

Steverino247 August 22, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Only if you smoke them, I think…

ShuCityRefugee August 22, 2012 at 2:42 pm

. . . and Nixon . . . and LBJ; Clinton & Truman just had one daughter apiece. I guess it's a presidential thing.

mrblifil August 22, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Fags, all.

VA_Dreaming August 22, 2012 at 3:38 pm

In the republican party, women are known as penilely challenged men and are considered second class citizens.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

*exasperated sigh*
Chuh!
Would it be asking too much of these people to make up what passes for their minds?
President Obama cannot simultaneously be too fucky and not fucky enough.
So which is it — is he all rapey and shoving his big black zucchini down everyone's throats, or is he a mincing pansy in a cardigan?

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

AOTK

actor212 August 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Um, yes?

walterhwhite August 22, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Obama is whatever the Rethugs decide that he is depending on what lies they want to spread on a particular day

CthuNHu August 22, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Which makes you hate him more? It's that one.

No, seriously, this is the plan.

timbo71351 August 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Yeah, because Obama was barely making it before he got elected to the White House. Dude wrote two best-selling books. Real best-selling books, the kind of books that are bought by individuals. Not bought in bulk by weirdo billionaires and given away with subscriptions to the National Review.

SexySmurf August 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

From an evolutionary point of view,

Why does the NRO hate Jesus? Was he black?

Oblios_Cap August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

INTELLIGENT DESIGN LIBEL!!!!!

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Hey, NRO moron, get this big fucking hole in your argument:

You can't get higher status than PRESIDENT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING UNITED STATES OF MOTHERFUCKING AMERICA douchebag.

Ergo, by your argument, Barack Obama should get all the votes! Yeah, HENCE!

Also too, from an evolutionary point of view, survival of the species and all that, men are disposable – one man could, if the need arose, and there were enough women available and willing, have hundreds of children a year; women are golddust in terms of mass-procreation, so Obama's two girls are worth a hundred times Mitt's five sons.

IonaTrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Also, let's not forget that in reality the entire population of Republican women would swim through a raging flood filled with sharks and used condoms to sleep with Barry O.

CthuNHu August 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"…a raging flood filled with sharks and used condoms…"

Uh, what is the GOP convention after the hurricane hits, Alex?

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I feel that I can speak on Sharkey's behalf to say that he approves this comment.

Geminisunmars August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

"Obama's two girls are worth a hundred times Mitt's five sons. "

And not just is mass-procreation or evolutionary terms.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Indeed.

sewollef August 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Is this the same Kevin Williamson that wrote: "Milton Friedman: An Economics of Love"?

Because if it is, then I don't think I like him. I might say other bad things about him later, but for now, he's a bad man.

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

he's a bad man.

Send him to the corn field!

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm

What is wrong with Milton Friedman being able to practice his love with Economics?!

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

"Milton Friedman: An Economics of Love"

This should always be spoken in a Barry White voice.

freakishlywrong August 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Mitt Romney would have more money than Jay-Z.
What an odd reference. Is Kevin trying to show us his street cred? Or, is he just using Jay-Z because, you know, Blah?

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Well, to have as much as Jay-Z would be, just, vulgar.

walterhwhite August 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Street cred. Jay-Z is the only rapper/super-rich black dude he's heard of

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

By that reckoning Oprah should be president. Or we can just make her National Goddess. That would be fine too.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

At least everybody who voted for Opra would get a car. Or, you know, a copy of "The Secret", or something.

VA_Dreaming August 22, 2012 at 3:41 pm

It is because Williamson likes to fantasize that he is Beyonce.

Oblios_Cap August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain

I'm thinking a "Lord of the Flies" kind of chieftain..

NellCote71 August 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm

They have Mormons in New Hampshire?

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:23 pm

???
I thought Obama was a tribal chieftain, because, you know, Africa and such.

Billmatic August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Seems like Kevin Williamson thinks a lot about sperm.

Gleem McShineys August 22, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Specifically, "Homo Sap"

Callyson August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

Really? Because I missed the part where W had two *sons*…

Asshole.

vulpes82 August 22, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Republicans: "W? Who is that? Never heard of him!"

Incitefully_Joe August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

They really are pushing this aristocracy apologia thing as far as they can, aren't they?

"He's rich and has sons, which PROVES that he's innately fit to rule over others!"

BlueStateLibel August 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Look, it worked in feudal Europe about 600 years ago, and they're desperate at this point.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Actually it didn't work well at all. Which is why England, tiny tiny England was always kicking much more populous French ass. Strong central king kept a bootheel on the mid-level aristos, kept them from starting their own sub-fiefs and screwing too much with the peasants.

Fox n Fiends August 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Yet another reason why the GOP hated McCain. Bad enough that he was a war hero – but a daughter? ewwwww

sudsmckenzie August 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Today, we are all "Homo sap".

Lascauxcaveman August 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Shorter Wiliamson: Chick$ are whore$ who$e only goat is to marry the riche$t man out there.

proudgrampa August 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Was "goat" intentional?

Lascauxcaveman August 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Heh. You got my goat.

My goal was to end that particular word with an L. I failed.

proudgrampa August 22, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Oh, that's OK. I just thought that you might have been making some sort of biblical reference, as in goats for sacrifice.

NellCote71 August 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm

And when they do marry the rich guys, if they are raped by Rich Guy, then it is not rape because, duh, married.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Now, now, Money. Your money's money is all that moneys.

JustPixelz August 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Two daughters. That's why Dubya was such a wuss.
Two daughters. That's why Richard Nixon was such a pussycat.
Two daughters. That's why Dickless Cheney likes the cock.

widestanceromance August 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

NRO would never count Mary as a daughter.

savethispatient August 22, 2012 at 2:32 pm

And don't forget that big old Alpha-male Henry VIII had such great success controlling the sex of his offspring.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Come on. Haven't you learned. Everything gets reinvented for the democratic administration. Just like "Debt is good" when Bush was president but not Clinton or Obama.

freakishlywrong August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

For all the swaggering macho shit, why didn't any of them ever enlist?

IonaTrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Because they didn't want to get shot?

GeorgiaBurning August 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Romney was the boss of everything he touched; if the recruiting office can't make him at least a major general on signing, then he'll find a better offer.

Designer_Rants August 22, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Recruiting Officer: "OOOOOHHH!, You're a ROMNEY!!!? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!! Here's your four stars."

Mittens Howell, III August 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

You mean hiding under their bed in the fetal position doesn't count as serving their country?

Mittens Howell, III August 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Romney was a four star Bishop in the war against not being a millionaire.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

'ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs.” But why is this? Because Mitt Romney is super-rich, you guys (we don’t know if you have heard), and women select for status"

With our holes, after they're finished screening out all the rapist jizz.
It's what the tech folks call cascading.

KeepFnThatChicken August 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Designer_Rants August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

WAITAMINUTE. The wingnuts invoked "evolution" on this one? Are they getting (more) desperate?

NellCote71 August 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Haz confuse.

IncenseDebate August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Does NRO stand National 'tarded Organization?

Terry August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Muhammad Ali has seven daughters. He could still Williamson's arse, even with his Parkinson's.

Geminisunmars August 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I prefer he'd still Williamson's pen.

BlueStateLibel August 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Ali's *daughter*, who boxes, could kick Williamson's arse.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Given their current physical condition, if I had to pick which one I had to survive a round against, I'd pick Mohammed over Leila every time.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Oh, I would so pay to see that.

MissTaken August 22, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Obama is a 'Homo sap'.

friendlyskies August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Pffft…. Mitt's sons are sterile and had to use IVF to sire Mitt's grandchildren, or in Paul Ryan's belief system, "abominations." Seriously, speaking as a soulless DNA replication machine seeking only quality genetics, I'll give Mitt a pass. Do the math: two fertile daughters could easily produce 10-15 fertile grandchildren each without help. Five infertile sons?

friendlyskies August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Oh, and to be clear, I've got nothing against IVF, I actually respect Mitt's kids a great deal for "coming out" about using the procedure. Just extrapolating the bizarre social Darwinism which, as usual, includes zero statistical evidence to back up his claim. I suppose he "heard somewhere" that Forbes listers had 60% male offspring. Well, I've heard that Mexican illegal immigrants have 60% more offspring, period, basically crapping all over the Forbes listers if we're going to judge people according to Darwinian success.

schvitzatura August 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Genetic destiny? When Sol goes red giant and absorbs Urf, who gives a shit.

Except those that want to continue to populate Heaven (or Hell) or their own personal Xanadu pleasure planets with eternal souls.

Like Viscount Pompadour R'Money and his fellow travelers…

superdave August 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Interesting. And how many snowflake baybeez did they abortify in the process?

For the record I have the utmost sympathy for them. The missus and I went through the process. So I am also responsible for dead baybeez.

fitley August 22, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Ann hinted she wasn't getting any lately.

ThankYouJeebus August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Who wants to be a female in those families? Using Akin's baby-making science, it's obvious the girl babies are self-abortin'.

SmutBoffin August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

What's all this about evolutionary biology? I thought G-d made every species in their final form and Willard gets to procreate because he is blessed unlike Obummer who is cursed with no male heirs?

RadioBowels August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

You know who else was into eugenics?

Geminisunmars August 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

V. Debs?

sudsmckenzie August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

The Bene Gesserit?

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Mrs Levy?

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Anyone named Eugene?

RedneckMuslin August 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Margaret Sanger.

arcane_allusion August 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Charles Lindbergh?

Mumbletypeg August 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Bugs Bunny only dreamed of Eugenie, alas.

anniegetyerfun August 22, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Grandma?

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Annie Lenox?

Oblios_Cap August 23, 2012 at 8:24 am

Dr. Kellogg?

pdiddycornchips August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Women should vote for RMoney because he's a corporate titan and can give them male offspring? Doesn't that make all the men who will vote for Romney just a little bit secretly gay? In Kevin Williiamson's case, maybe more than a little.

Isyaignert August 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Two recent scientific studies concluded that the more hompohobic a man was, the more they were turned on by gay porn. Ergo, there are A LOT more gheys out there than first thought, if you count all of the homophobs out there eating at Chick-whateverthefukit'scalled.

proudgrampa August 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I don't know about the wimmins, but Kevin Williamson sure seems to be geh about the sheikhs.

Terry August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Don't forget we had two "high testosterone" goat roper presidents (Reagan and GW Bush). They drove us into two different ditches.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm

At least, they played "high testosterone" goat ropers on TV.

Crank_Tango August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

you guys both spelled goat fucker wrong. strange coincidence!

Gleem McShineys August 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

It wasn't a legitimate rope.

godhatesmedotcom August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

As this tries to show that women should vote for Mitt because he represents the ideal potential mate, I must extrapolate that all men who vote for him must also see in him a potential mate.
So all male voters in the past who voted for men were looking at them as a potential mate.

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

No, you see, it is the "Wingman" evolutionary mechanism. By associating with the dominant male, male voters simply expect to collect up any "loose vagina" left in his wake.

Mittens Howell, III August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Today we are all sister voters.

gullywompr August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

None of these fuckers understand the first thing about evolution.

Geminisunmars August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

None of these fuckers understand the first thing about anything.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Why bother understanding something that doesn't exist?

ManchuCandidate August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Ken Williamson sounds like a less intelligent and less packing version of the Ken Doll.

BornInATrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

And I say again, what war on women?

delaney_blom August 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Williamson's masterful logic sets up the November election as a win-win:

If all women vote for Romney because evolution dictates that they vote in the same manner they would select a mate, Romney's the next president: Win!

If all women don't vote for Romney, we'll finally have the scientific proof for the paradigm shift out of evolution: Win!

DerrickWildcat August 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Well I would marry a Tufted Titmouse if she had 250 Million Dollars.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

But you're not supposed to be the photographer at your own wedding!

Misty Malarky August 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Hell, for 250 million I'd gay-marry an Untufted Titmouse.

DerrickWildcat August 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

hahahaha, you would.

DerrickWildcat August 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I did not think of that.

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm

How many times do I have to tell you Meghan McCain is off the market because she is fucking Luke Russert?!

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Huh huh, dude, you said "titmouse".

Gleem McShineys August 22, 2012 at 4:47 pm

If you've seen that photo of Ann Romney in that fantastic blouse, she might just be a Tit-Fish, with 250 million, also.

Hammiepants August 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

So I guess the GOP's next move is to leave all their girl babies on ice floes to die from polar bears or exposure, correct?

IonaTrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

No moar polar bears

RedneckMuslin August 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

No moar ice floes.

MissTaken August 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a White House.

SorosBot August 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm

We should just hand the Presidency over to Donald Trump.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Fortunately he's not in possession of a "good fortune" just mounds of corporate debt.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Chick lit WIN!!

Iam_Who_Iam August 22, 2012 at 1:29 pm

“Romney’s net worth is more than that of the last eight U.S. presidents combined.”

Sometimes I think the Democrats should just sit back and let the Republicans do our messaging for us. If that doesn’t scream wealth disparity and income inequality, I don’t know what does.

anniegetyerfun August 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"Who do you want to run your country, huh? The guy who grew up poor or the guy who has no fucking idea what poor is? Doesn't that sound better? The rich guy? WELL, DOESN'T IT??!"

SorosBot August 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

These National Review people don't seem to understand evolution, or what a scientific fact is.

Oblios_Cap August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

"seem to"?

walterhwhite August 22, 2012 at 2:17 pm

don't "seem to"? You are too gentle.

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

OK, fess up, was that a WONKCOINTELPRO operation?! Doktor Zoom, is that you?!

proudgrampa August 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Seriously. Where's the link to The Onion?

Nibbler of Niblonia August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

George W had two daughters. Dick Cheney had daughters. John McCain had a daughter.

bunch of fagpublicans

NellCote71 August 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

And Clinton. Daughter.

Chichikovovich August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Barack Obama wrote two bestsellers that raked in millions of dollars. Kevin Williamson knocks out monumentally confused, biologically illiterate hack pieces for NRO wingnut welfare.

Who to believe, according to Williamson's profound analysis?

IonaTrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I don't know about the Trivers-Willard hypothesis, but I do know about the Obama-Biden hypothesis.

Win 2012!

Mittens Howell, III August 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm

"$200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away)"

Is he referring to the $10, 000, 000 + Romney pissed against the wall before getting spanked by Walnuts McCain in 2008?

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

He's talking about the intravenous injections of uncut cash into the Mormon church for the purpose of sustaining their gaybashing and brainwashing operations.

Mapmonger August 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Christ, what an asshole.

Kid_Charlemagne August 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

The pantheon of perfidious cockbuckets grows by one.

Chichikovovich August 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Very true. Let's elect Barack president, and let Mitt keep the conch.

Generation[redacted] August 22, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Rove can play the part of Piggy.

Angry_Marmot August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

The difference being I felt sorry for Piggy.

snackypants August 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

"Sucks to your assmar!"

Beowoof August 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

As a guy with two beautiful daughters all I can say is fuck you Kevin. Any time you need a beating with a bag votes stop by.

kittensdontlie August 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Ooops, the Secret is out. For Womyn to wrest control of civilization from the Man, they need only start skimming off excess males, and where do you find them–Follow the Money.

Lot_49 August 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Saw Richard Belzer on one of the MSNBC yak shows, and have to credit him for this: the GOP is the party of racism, misogyny, homophobia and war-mongering. That's it, the whole platform. Everything else is just bargaining chips, positions assumed for tactical advantage, earmarks for their lavish contributors/overlords. The things they believe in, adhere to, will fight for, and which define them are: RMHW.

Disgusting.

BoroPrimorac August 22, 2012 at 8:42 pm

It was this past Saturday's Up with Chris Hayes.

Blueb4sinrise August 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I'm guessing that Michelle's Utero-fascism killed all the sperms that were gonna make man-babbys.

IncenseDebate August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Some hotties will lose their panties real quick for a poet.

Lot_49 August 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

So true. Movie producers are also able to induce otherwise-improbably-attractive babes to do them. Can't figure out why that is, though.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Yeah, Socialist Lesbian hotties.

Note that there is anything wrong with that.

MacRaith August 22, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I don't know if the stats on the children of men on the Forbes billionaire list are accurate or not. But, if that data is valid, it's just SCREAMING sex-selective abortions. There is statistically no other way to get such a lopsided ratio of sons to daughters in a sample of that size.

Rosie_Scenario August 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Yeah, and Jeebus, he had lots of sons. Oops. What does that make him?

SorosBot August 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

It's refreshing to see the wingnut morans admitting that yes, they really do think the rich fuckshits are better than the rest of us and prefer aristocracy to democracy.

GeorgiaBurning August 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm

So how does elimination of girl babies help the species? And how many wealthy men's sons look a lot like the chauffeur?

IonaTrailer August 22, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Ask Schwarzenegger

Biel_ze_Bubba August 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Zombie William F. Buckley is going to come back and murder this cretin — and not for his brains.

Tequila Mockingbird August 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm

You know who else has two daughters??

MissTaken August 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Mumbletypeg August 22, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Laban, uncle of Jacob.
no no, Laban, the father-in-law of Jacob,
(Oh yeah, They're the same dude.)

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Lot, and he fucked them both.

Mumbletypeg August 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

And these conserva-clowns are so eager to return us to the 'glory days of their fabled old testament. Which is funny, cause Williamson and ilk with their eye for riches and *zero* aptitude for real 'wisdom' would probably be ridden out of Solomon's glittering temple-harem on a rail of their own GOPlank FAIL.

Tequila Mockingbird August 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Haha, it was a trick question. THIRTY-ONE U.S. presidents have been the fathers of girls. There hasn’t been a son in the White House since JFK Jr.

But let's see: off the cuff there's Woodrow Wilson, Richard Nixon, Lyndon Johnson, George W. Bush, Scott Brown, Newt Gingrich, Donald Rumsfeld, Todd Akin… All of them, Katie*!

*KATIE COURIC ALSO HAS TWO DAUGHTERS.

HistoriCat August 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Me in (carry the one…) about two and a half months?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I'm so sorry you were illegitimately raped.

HistoriCat August 22, 2012 at 4:25 pm

The only thing being raped around here will be my net worth.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:44 pm

???
*puzzled*
Well, my Dad — but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know Kevin.

elviouslyqueer August 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Um, Kev? Not to be pedantic, but two of your GOP heroes (namely, Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich) both had lesbian daughters. And I wouldn't be too quick about concluding that Mitt's offspring are all het all the time. I'd wager one, maybe two, of his boys are at least a Kinsey 4 1/2. Just saying.

Lot_49 August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

And Saint Ronnie of Santa Barbara? How did his kids work out on the Republican-Macho Index?

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Exposure to environmental testosterone in the womb pushes the dial in favor of gay baby. So, one of the younger ones . . .

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I"m starting to understand Conservative's position on women, as apparently you are all whores.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Whores who won't sleep with THEM. No less. Evil whores. Witches, in middle ages parlance.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

As I remember, didn't Bush have two daughters. So I guess he was gay and incompetent as president.

LetUsBray August 22, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Now, he probably wasn't gay.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Although he did do a lot of hand-holding with that sheik guy — but that was probably just because all the wimmensz in his harem had synchronized periods.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm

As a guy, can I also cast my vote for who I would choose to be my sugar daddy? It seems easier than actually paying attention to the issues.

Tequila Mockingbird August 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Oh, and there's THIS, you fucking ignorant moron.

Monsieur_Grumpe August 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I don't zero kids on that list.

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm

My poor parents. 4 girls, right at the bottom of the list.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Huh. My parents had two daughters.
Huh.

Nibbler of Niblonia August 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Mitt Romney is that creepy wildling from north of the wall who sacrificed all the male sons to the white walkers!

johnnyzhivago August 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The GOP should get a commenting account on Wonkette – their stuff is funnier than anything you can make up these days.

dennis1943 August 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I guess my five sons make me "the man"………now, if only my wife would recognize……

Misty Malarky August 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

"Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). "

It's nice to know Romneys 2.0 don't drown all the no-tails at birth like the previous generation.

There's progress for you.

LetUsBray August 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm

It's funny how all Teabaggistani experts on women, what women want, how women think, and how women's parts work are dudes. And from the sound of it, dudes who would never actually talk to a woman, on account of their cooties.

BlueStateLibel August 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm

King Henry VIII and his daughter Elizabeth I would like a word with you, Kevin Williamson.

MosesInvests August 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Not to mention King George VI and his daughters, Elizabeth II and Margaret.

elviouslyqueer August 22, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Wait a second. We're talking about this Kevin Williamson? Girl, please.

IncenseDebate August 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Ummm, yeah, he's not fathering any sons. Or daughters.

Lot_49 August 22, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Sweater-vest libel! With lapels, fer chrissake!

freakishlywrong August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

He has creepy Paul Ryan eyes, but the little slut is wearing too much mascara..

LetUsBray August 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Purty mouth, though.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Somebody goes to bed every night dreaming of being one of Mitt's sister wives.

Misty Malarky August 22, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Girlfriend is so deep in the closet he's finding next year's Christmas presents.

Chet Kincaid_ August 22, 2012 at 2:03 pm

What's the "GB" in the bottom right, a "Gay Bulletin!" alert?

mrblifil August 22, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Glen Beck. Same thing.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:51 pm

OK, that made me guffaw.

lunchbox360 August 22, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Now see here you commie bitch! Why the fuck are your writers allowed to use words like the one that begins with "F" and ends with "ag" when persons commenting on this "I'm gonna just laugh as the world blows up" sorry ass excuse for a blog who just happen to be a starts with "F" and ends with "ag" can not. I am also a starts with "J" and ends with "ew" as well but I live in constant fear of using it in a sentence because of the near certainty of it being deleted by the commie bitch administrator. Oh, sorry. Starts with "C" and ends with "ommie bitch" administrator. Go starts with "F" and ends with "uck yourself"!

Chichikovovich August 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Starts with a "Y" and ends with an "awn".

Monsieur_Grumpe August 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I’m thinking that raising daughters is way tougher than raising boys because you’ll constantly be worrying about them dating someone like the Romney boys.

Estproph August 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I'm missing the part where Romney smiles and starbursts bounce around the room.

Jerri August 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Yes, "Look, this man has sired only sons! Not a woman among this group!" definitely makes MIttens seem more relatable and understanding of what women may want and need out of life. At least it does to this broad!

Self-Uploader August 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I'm working on different theories here:
We've all lost our sense of humor and don't understand the whole thing was satire.
The NRO has fired all it's editors so now anything goes.
Half the country is in some kind of weird time loop where it is still the 1950's.

Exhausted66 August 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I'm assuming the O in NRO stands for the Onion.

poorgradstudent August 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

If anything, historically a guy's displays of masculinity cast doubt on the potency of a guy's sperm. Ergo Henry VIII:

"Am I not a man as other men? Am I not? Am I not? I need not give proofs to the contrary, or let you into my secrets."

viennawoods13 August 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Oscar Wilde had 2 sons and no daughters. I rest my case.

docterry6973 August 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I have two sons, and while I don't have 250M I do own more toilets than I do backsides, so I am way ahead. Kind of makes you want to treat me with more respect.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Anyone who can make such a skillful and elegant poop joke has certainly earned my respect.

Lot_49 August 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

It's not too late to sign Todd Akin's petition to stay in the race!
http://www.akin.org/still-standing

iburl August 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm

All of this would be so much more delicious if Claire McHaskell, the blue dog, wasn't the primary one benefitting from it.

barto August 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm

So Kev is pointing out that Willard actually wrote the hypothesis that explains his awesomeness? Was this a Bio 101 paper or something he did in college? Nice catch, Kev!

belmontreport August 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Off topic, but I am currently watching Mitt Romney live here: http://wqad.com/2012/08/22/watch-live-mitt-romney

He actually just referred to his sister's son as a "down syndrome boy".

HistoriCat August 22, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Forbidden name libel!

mr bojangles August 22, 2012 at 3:40 pm

who you callin boy!!!???

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Meh, Family Guy did that like three years ago:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/8978594/parkour_dog

Mittens Howell, III August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Obama's daughters were baked at the local 7-11.

Which is different from George W's daughters, who often arrive 'baked' at the local 7-11.

Serolf_Divad August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Here, Mr. Williamson, I've got an Apex Alpha hairy nutsack off of which you are invited to lick the sweat.

Also, let me correct some of your grammar here:

Willard M. Romney: $200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more less if he didn’t give so much away hadn't looted the retirement accounts of thousands of hard working Americans he subsequently fired, and paid taxes like an honest person instead of hiding his millions behind unethical tax shelters.)

DonnyKerabotsos August 22, 2012 at 2:01 pm

–Some Occupy Wall Street types, believing it to be the height of wit, have begun to spell Romneys name Rmoney. —

I wonder if they are any of the same (half) wits who constantly refer to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat" Party.

Jus_Wonderin August 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I bet someone already caught this, but maybe Ann aborted all the girl fetuses.

Bezoar August 22, 2012 at 2:03 pm

"…the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male."

Do you think this might betray some use of selective abortion?

bobbert August 22, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Or selective IVF.

pdiddycornchips August 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Women, who are they? How do they work? We try and make them happy, we give the hot ones whore diamonds, we spend a considerable amount of time and energy probing their ladybits and yet nothing we do is ever good enough for them.

CivicHoliday August 22, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Obama totes should have aborted those girls China-style and kept trying for sons. You know…because that would make him more desirable to female voters.

anniegetyerfun August 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm

See, if I had to flock to one or other of the Presidential candidates to impregnate me, I'd go with Obama because (1) it'd be awesome if my kids didn't burn after 2 seconds in the sun and (2) I'm pretty sure that Mittens chuckles uncomfortably during sex.

fuflans August 22, 2012 at 3:02 pm

so yeah, i can't unsee that ever.

mrblifil August 22, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Also, too, while orgasm may not scientifically be a requirement for conception, it sure never hurt a girl.

Isyaignert August 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Hey, GeeDumb made two daughters at once. What a fag!!! Actually, there is a lot of anectodal evidence that he has been known to go for the one-eyed snake from time to time.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Saleh al-Rajhi, billionaire banker, left behind 61 children when he cashed out last year.

Yes, 39 daughters and 22 sons. Oops?

Mumbletypeg August 22, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Saleh al-Rajhi… 39 daughters and 22 sons. Oops?

It is truly incredible, the number of ways this lunkhead's attempt to buttress his argument sinks in farcical mire. No need to drag him & his words through the mud when he practically lays down in it himself..

Wilcoxyz August 22, 2012 at 2:24 pm

You know what other nation didn't like daughters? China. So I guess this makes Romney the Manchurian candidate?

docterry6973 August 22, 2012 at 2:32 pm

St. Ronnie fathered two daughters and one son. Michael was adopted so his only biological son is Ron, and well…ahem.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm

So, three daughters, is what you're saying?

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Therefore, Laura Bush was cheatin' on old Georgie. Must have cheated with another alcoholic…

shelwood46 August 22, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Are we all missing the part where Kevin thinks Mitt paid more than $11.8 million in taxes in some unnamed year? The only year we have of the Mittster's taxes, his gross income was $20 million, and he paid 14.9%, and when he oh-so-truthfully told us about his taxes, he said he never paid less than 13%. So is Kev's theory that Mitt made $175 million in one year some year? Or that there is at least one year that Mitt paid 50% in taxes? Math, how does it work?

ShuCityRefugee August 22, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Mr. Williamson's law is so hard and fast that my poor, Irish-immigrant great-grandfather sired 11 sons, whereas my Andover and Harvard-educated, highly-successful father sired five daughters before the precious y-chromosome surfaced.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 4:06 pm

11 sons???
Sounds like your Irish great grandfather was pretty darn hard and fast himself.

comrad_darkness August 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm

By the way, the money Romney gave to "charity" the mormons spent building for-profit condos and a mall. But given how filthy rich he is, any kind of public space probably looks like a homeless shelter.

Biff August 22, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Also, Prop 8.

ElPinche August 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm

You'd think with all the man-fluid running through the Romney's veins that at least one of his sons would serve in the military instead of running from it.

mrblifil August 22, 2012 at 3:10 pm

They had other priorities. They had a talk and decided that America was best served by having his sons work for his campaign. No seriously.

dmnolan August 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm

How does Kevin explain Rick Santorum, who is wearing a cardigan? Fallopian sperm?

seppdecker August 22, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Kevin Williamson has constructed a convoluted world view where the only logical reason that he cannot get laid is because he is not an "apex alpha executive" with $200 million in the Swiss bank.

It is for the betterment of mankind that Kevin Williamson is jacking it at NRO.

Steverino247 August 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Maybe Ann was pregnant a lot more than we know and aborted all the girls? Ever think of that, Kevin?

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm

"Mitt Romney has five sons — Tagg, Dack, Tupper, Tyrone and T’Nesho"

All of whom had to impregnate their wives with turkey basters, or by jerking off into their bathwater, or by swimming over them on a warm summer day, because they're grown men who cannot accomplish fucking.

fuflans August 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm

high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap.

i don't think 'mink' and 'red tailed deer' are exactly the animal analogies you want here kevin.

unless of course you're looking for 'animals hunted by stronger predators'.

fuflans August 22, 2012 at 3:08 pm

oh and also, 'willard' and 'mink' should never be allowed in the same sentence.

Biff August 22, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Rat, on the other hand…

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Shorter, not insane, Kevin Williamson: Don't you guys think Mitt Romney looks like Bruce Campbell?

emmelemm August 22, 2012 at 3:54 pm

No. Not at all.

Bruce Campbell is a god among men. Mitt Romney is a plastic-y robot from Kolob.

ASH LIBEL!

Incitefully_Joe August 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm

So the conservative theory of what women voters want is that they are primarily motivated by "bangability", and also that this metric somehow favors Romney.

I think I'm understanding where that gender gap comes from, a little more than I did yesterday.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

And considering some of the asshole things that were said yesterday, that's pretty impressive.

Biff August 22, 2012 at 5:00 pm

They trotted out $arah on just that premise.

sullivanst August 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Now we just need to understand why they're incapable of learning from experience…

ILLinIL August 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm

It takes a real man (or a woman) to raise a daughter. Also, many dollars, too. Clearly any idiot can raise a boy. Even Todd Akin's mom can squeeze out one of those.

Incitefully_Joe August 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

Yeah! Haha! Why would women want to vote for a president who might have some degree of empathy for the particular challenges faced by Uterine-Americans? Don't be silly!

smokefilledroommate August 22, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Sounds like someone wants to 'roam the veldt' with Willard.

vulpes82 August 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Oh, evolutionary psychology, will anyone ever use you to make anything but a tautological just-so story involving completely asinine leaps of logic and a total lack of empirical evidence? *sigh*

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"Barack Obama’s net worth, which at $11.8 million is not inconsiderable but probably less than Romney’s — Ow! — tax bill — Ow! — in a good year… OW!! Who keeps kicking me under the table?"

BarackMyWorld August 22, 2012 at 3:33 pm

They don't even want women to like them at this point, do they?

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Note to all the single ladies in the wonketteverse:
Whenever you hear a man use the words, "harem", or "evolutionary biology", or refer to non-human species where the male impregnates many females, it's a pretty safe bet the speaker is a douchebag who is using junk science to justify some of the worst aspects of human behavior, despite the fact that he himself is a beta male loser who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a bushel basket of $100 bills.
That is all.

smokefilledroommate August 22, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You forgot the possibly closeted angle.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

PHHAWWW HAW HAW!!!
"Possibly" closeted???
Muh-please, under that suit he has a bra on!

smokefilledroommate August 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Yeah, I imagine him dancing around singing the Ann-Margret part of "You're the Boss" to life-size posters of Mitt on his bedroom wall.
Also, I'm pretty sure he has fallopian tubes.

tessiee August 22, 2012 at 3:57 pm

That's funny; all the important big shot scientists that I hang out with at airports and cocktail parties think that Kevin Williamson is stupid and smells like poo.

margotchanning August 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

First we're sluts and now we're whores. Way to go GOP outreach!

joobajooba August 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Maybe the alpha rich throw their baby daughters in the well.

Biff August 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

So Ann Rmoney selectively aborted her daughters? Typical.

Incitefully_Joe August 22, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Shorter Kevin Williamson:

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were basically girls.

anniegetyerfun August 22, 2012 at 5:38 pm

From a pretty awesome rejoinder at Slate that someone just sent me:

"You see, Williamson read in a pick-up artist manual that women become helplessly horny in the presence of rich assholes, and since women don't so much pull the voting lever as hump it enthusiastically, Romney has this election wrapped up."

gogogodzilla August 22, 2012 at 6:39 pm

So Williamson believes in evolution. That means he's an atheist liberal. Real Americans know that the world is only 6000 years old.

valthemus August 22, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Those "gentlemen" at NRO would save themselves a lot of typing if they would just plainly state what they're really thinking: "Damn negro in the White House prolly has a bigger penis than me!!"

BoroPrimorac August 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Mitt's just like Conan the Barbarian. That's why he turns into a pouty little bitch when Obama puts the tiniest bit of pressure on him.

OldRedneck August 23, 2012 at 8:38 am

How many sons did George W. Bush have?

clblabin August 23, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Lots, but he never talked about them because he didn't want to draw attention to their military service for political gain.

softserve August 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I do think, on some level, this is the guy's attempt at being tongue-in-cheek. The thing is that he's using that to push a really stupid idea in general… I got three things out of it.

1. Success (more, specifically, wealth) somehow makes men more virile and likely to have successful boys. I won't even get into the reproductive complications his "perfect" children had.

2. The typical manly man conservative male versus the limp-wristed, scaredy-cat liberal male.

3. Women think solely with their hormones and are apparently incapable of separating that from anything they do. Somehow this includes voting, because I'm sure almost half of the country's women wanted to mate with John McCain.

This thing is a puff piece. It kisses Romney's ass beyond belief. I think the author is truly the one who wants to mate with Romney.

Read the comments on the original article by conservatives noting that liberals "don't get" the article. I think we get the article just fine.

It's just bad. It's amazing that nowhere down the chain did someone say "wait a second, this doesn't make much sense".

cairdin August 23, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Wow. Where to start.

The Trivers-Willard hypothesis is not about male virility. It is about how the physical condition, social status, or other characteristics of *mothers* correlate with the sex ratio of their offspring.

In polygynous species (one males can mate with several females), such as most mammals, there is generally a reproductive advantage to having male offspring. So mothers in good physical condition, or socially dominant mothers, tend to have sons, because sons in good condition or dominant sons will tend to leave more offspring of their own. However, mothers in these species who are in physically poor condition tend to produce female offspring, because females tend to leave more offspring than subordinate or less physically fit males. There is dispute on the mechanism behind this, but one proposal is that levels of glucose or some other factor in dominant/fit females biases the reproductive system toward producing males.

Humans are considered serially monogamous, or mildly polygynous, so it's not clear how much Trivers-Willard applies to them, if it applies at all.

Interesting, though, that Williamson interpreted the idea as related to manliness.

garryboldwater August 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

Not all women go for "status"…. well, unless your definition of "status" is someone with a 10 inch penis who can speak Klingon and put away a case of PBR in 3 hours… then I got status too!

DerrickWildcat August 22, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I suppose she'd do. Well, if she 250 Million Dollars.

Gleem McShineys August 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

And a dirtier moustache.

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