“From an evolutionary point of view,” harrumphs Kevin Williamson of the National Review Online, “Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote. All of it. He should get Michelle Obama’s vote. You can insert your own Mormon polygamy joke here, but the ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs.” But why is this? Because Mitt Romney is super-rich, you guys (we don’t know if you have heard), and women select for status, and evolutionary biology proves that high-status animals produce more males and Mitt Romney has five sons — Tagg, Dack, Tupper, Tyrone and T’Nesho — while Barack Obama has two daughters, because his semen has sparkles in it and smells like Elizabeth Arden. Oh, sorry, here is your actual quote:
Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.
Haha, Obama has daughters! What a fag!
Let us block-quote, brothers and sisters, just to ensure we are not taking Herr Williamson out of his proper context!
You want off-the-charts status? Check out the curriculum vitae of one Willard M. Romney: $200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away), apex alpha executive, CEO, chairman of the board, governor, bishop, boss of everything he’s ever touched. Son of the same, father of more. It is a curious scientific fact (explained in evolutionary biology by the Trivers-Willard hypothesis — Willard, notice) that high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap. The offspring of rich families are statistically biased in favor of sons — the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male. Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain.
Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.
Oh, yes, Mitt Romney’s princely 10 percent to his church charity. Yawn. Let us read some more, because it is ‘tarded.
Saleh al-Rajhi, billionaire banker, left behind 61 children when he cashed out last year. We don’t do harems here, of course, but Romney is exactly the kind of guy who in another time and place would have the option of maintaining one. He’s a boss. Given that we are no longer roaming the veldt for the most part, money is a reasonable stand-in for social status. Romney’s net worth is more than that of the last eight U.S. presidents combined. He set up a trust for his grandkids and kicked in about seven times Barack Obama’s net worth, which at $11.8 million is not inconsiderable but probably less than Romney’s tax bill in a good year. If he hadn’t given away so much money to his church, charities, and grandkids, Mitt Romney would have more money than Jay-Z.
So ladies — and Queen Michelle — why aren’t you voting for the rich guy who has more status because he is rich and has sons? WHY are you insisting on voting with your brains, for your interests, instead of just bending over for the sheikh (HE HAS MONEY)?
Kevin Williamson has odd thoughts on women?
[NRO]
just a hunch but I'm guessing Mitt leads in the "cardigan" category.
good try though.
They are fucking VIRILE cardigans, made from the pubic hair of tigers he murdered with his bare hands.
He didn't enchant them because he's a warlock, then?
He and Putin should get along marvelously.
Lies! Mitt Romney wears a suit and tie to bed.
And he runs the table in the "prancing pony" category.
But Obama is a cardigan carrying member of the ACLU.
Hmmmm….leader of the free world vs. out work guy who plays with money. Sounds like the Big O brings the Big O.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't a certain testosterone-laden, face-shootin' Vice President only have two daughters, as well? One of whom ended up gay-married?
And a lesbian novelist for a wife?
Editrix will probably delete my post but I have to get this off my chest:
Mitt Romney is the rat bastard son of a slattern and a pimp. A jerk who was raised to worship money and believe that anyone who isn't in his tax bracket should not be allowed to live. He was raised by wolverines in a state where stupidity reigns supreme. He is such a jerk that he allowed his boyhood home to fall to a wrecking ball and then tried to say that he's a homeboy even though he wanted the American auto industry to die, considering that his old man at one point was the CEO of American Motors. To say that I loath and despise this man is not enough. Not only do I hate him, I hate his stupid political party that has the temerity to call people of my ethnic group "terrorists". And I can tell you that he is making me hate white people as well, because I've met white people who are good, kind and decent human beings. I only hope to God that people see reason in November and send this asshat packing once and for all.
I suspect he grew up well enough. But head injury (and brain infection) can turn people into sociopaths. That's my theory for this guy.
Seconded to everything; adding only that Paul Ryan makes Mitt look like fucking Gandhi.
Rmoney reminds me of a sociopathic, @ssholish Mr. Rogers – so if the cardigan fits…
It's a pig-ugly day in Mitt's neighborhood.
"Mitt Romney wearing cardigan" yields 2,790,000 results on Google.
"Barack Obama wearing cardigan" gets a paltry 449,000.
Coincidence? I think perhaps not.
Money isn't the lovely deodorant that Kevin Williamson seems to think it is.
And yet, Donald Trump manages to find women willing to fuck him, so there's that.
I like to think that they just lie back, close their eyes, and think of England. Or Slovakia or wherever he imports them from.
It is for Mr. Williamson, who has never been fucked without paying for it.
This article does prove, however, that Romney is the guy I would like to rob at gunpoint.
Willie Sutton, that you?
We need a "high testosterone" president! Just look at what a miracle of economic growth Ahhhhnold made california into!
Or there's college drop-out, the late Steve Jobs of that little company, Apple [Market Cap: $620 bn].
Jobs had three daughters and one son.
Sorry Kev, your theory is shite… as the rest of your "theories".
Well, one daughter he ignored and didn't even acknowledge for years, so his testosterone must have been plenty high.
it's cool dude! women will be too busy gold-digging to get to the polls. because of science.
and also because they can control their lizard-like lady-parts.
Kevin Williamson begins his stand-up comedy career??
I don't know about stand-up, but the Onion would gladly publish that hilarious crap, verbatim.
Seriously, the Onion needs a "Poe's Law" column for this sort of shit. ("What copyright violation? It was ridiculous from start to finish, so it's fair use to publish the whole thing!)
By following in the footsteps of Michael Richards.
I eagerly await his next column, in which he details the many reasons why Dr. Strangelove's plan to continue the human race through "prodigious breeding" between government leaders and sexxxxxy ladies deep underground in mine shafts was actually a really super good idea.
Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race.
Can we send this fucker down now, and promise to send the ladies later?
Isn't that your territory?
I doubt the mines are that deep.
He has a reservation on the Ark Fleet, Ship B
the women will be selected based on their physical attributes!
Hmmm, the GOP is now out of the closet with its racism, homophobia, and sexism.
I think the only thing they are keeping secret anymore is the fascism.
Some things are too obvious to mention.
They think.
That's not much of a secret either.
That kind of reading comprehension is just beyond the pale of reasonable political discourse, Sir!!
Keep an eye on their website for the downloadable marching songs and free shipping on the fancy uniforms.
"I think the only thing they are keeping secret anymore is the fascism."
They're doing a piss poor job of it.
Well, that plus the utter contempt they hold for the schlubs who vote for them.
These people are characters out of "Idiocracy."
…and the war against man-women rages on.
Not only has Todd uber-uterus Akin fucked his chances at getting moderate women's votes, but now they go after Fathers With Daughters. Brilliant. What gender are Kevin's kids – or is he a big ole homo and have NONE?
"Romney is exactly the kind of guy who in another time and place would have the option of maintaining [a harem]."
Right – that would be his grandfather's time. At his grandfather's place.
Winner!
In Mexico.
You can make anything sound nasty by adding "in Mexico"!
…with a donkey!
Waiting for Sanchez.
You have a dirty mind.
And a dirtier moustache.
Because what GOP'er doesn't want to bring up the issue of multiple wives in relation to Mitt Romney?
At another time, in another place, and on another planet, Mitt could be president.
Screw that. He gets to be God.
Paul Ryan's semen also sparkles, but it smells like Axe body spray.
Enjoli, more like.
Ew, Matt, you just made me think about Paul Ryan's semen.
boss of everything he’s ever touched…
…except the factories that were shut down while he was CEO. He was definitely not the boss of those.
nor Bain after he went to save the Olympics
Kevin's not getting any pussy, is he?
He seems more excited about the male side of this equation, and the prospects of marrying into Rmoney wealth especially.
I think he gets himself.
Which is what he richly deserves!
His right hand said it "likes him as a friend".
That must have been after the TRO was withdrawn
Everyone knows a proper father is alcoholic, emotionally distant and at the very least verbally abusive. Anything else is against family basic values.
Nobody is getting my vote until I see a complete facial symmetry analysis.
Also, who is taller? That's the real question.
And who will wear more red ties.
Who can slam-dunk?
Hmmmm. I'm thinking someone has a really tiny dick-which doesn't work.
"From an evolutionary point…" Wut!?!? Is that good ot bad?
Whew! Romney, with all those kids! And all boys!
Clearly a homo who waaay overcompensating.
I feel a little soiled reading that. Almost voyeuristic. Gross.
Well, you did just watch someone masturbate, so yeah.
Someone seems to be overcompensating for something. Also, too, if we derive value from virility that is expressed as the having of boys, then eventually we end up in a society that's all boys, and hence I give you buttsechs.
You won't give me buttsechs.
How 'bout them Spartans, hengh?
No, you will have China, where girls are at a premium and some have more than one husband, because the Chinese decided the one-child policy and decided to kill infant girls. What fuck-face doesn't seem to understand, it is the girls who have the babies. And without them, society at some point will die. 'Cause buttsechs between men will not make the babies…..
it will create a society free from abortion.
Kevin's dream.
"…the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male."
Only possible conclusion: Rich fucks are unusually prone to female infanticide.
Excuse me, "sex selective abortion"
Ladies and gentlemen, the next Republican nominee for President: Mr Ghengis Khan!
Didn't W spawn two vaginal humans?
Yes, and it is now universally recognized among Republicans that he wasn't a True
ScotsmanConservative.But W had such a big package.
Dark Lord Cheney did, too.
Yeah, but only one really counts.
They had to retain all of their Manliness in order to defend our Freedoms!1!
Dumbya was a pussy RINO by today's GOP standards.
One of Cheney's daughter's is a Lesbian. Doesn't that count as half a man?
Well, she's only following in Mom's footsteps.
I believe the term is Vagina-Americans.
I thought it was vaginoidals….
Only if you smoke them, I think…
. . . and Nixon . . . and LBJ; Clinton & Truman just had one daughter apiece. I guess it's a presidential thing.
Fags, all.
In the republican party, women are known as penilely challenged men and are considered second class citizens.
*exasperated sigh*
Chuh!
Would it be asking too much of these people to make up what passes for their minds?
President Obama cannot simultaneously be too fucky and not fucky enough.
So which is it — is he all rapey and shoving his big black zucchini down everyone's throats, or is he a mincing pansy in a cardigan?
AOTK
Um, yes?
Obama is whatever the Rethugs decide that he is depending on what lies they want to spread on a particular day
Which makes you hate him more? It's that one.
No, seriously, this is the plan.
Yeah, because Obama was barely making it before he got elected to the White House. Dude wrote two best-selling books. Real best-selling books, the kind of books that are bought by individuals. Not bought in bulk by weirdo billionaires and given away with subscriptions to the National Review.
From an evolutionary point of view,
Why does the NRO hate Jesus? Was he black?
INTELLIGENT DESIGN LIBEL!!!!!
Hey, NRO moron, get this big fucking hole in your argument:
You can't get higher status than PRESIDENT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING UNITED STATES OF MOTHERFUCKING AMERICA douchebag.
Ergo, by your argument, Barack Obama should get all the votes! Yeah, HENCE!
Also too, from an evolutionary point of view, survival of the species and all that, men are disposable – one man could, if the need arose, and there were enough women available and willing, have hundreds of children a year; women are golddust in terms of mass-procreation, so Obama's two girls are worth a hundred times Mitt's five sons.
Also, let's not forget that in reality the entire population of Republican women would swim through a raging flood filled with sharks and used condoms to sleep with Barry O.
"…a raging flood filled with sharks and used condoms…"
Uh, what is the GOP convention after the hurricane hits, Alex?
I feel that I can speak on Sharkey's behalf to say that he approves this comment.
"Obama's two girls are worth a hundred times Mitt's five sons. "
And not just is mass-procreation or evolutionary terms.
Indeed.
Is this the same Kevin Williamson that wrote: "Milton Friedman: An Economics of Love"?
Because if it is, then I don't think I like him. I might say other bad things about him later, but for now, he's a bad man.
he's a bad man.
Send him to the corn field!
What is wrong with Milton Friedman being able to practice his love with Economics?!
"Milton Friedman: An Economics of Love"
This should always be spoken in a Barry White voice.
Mitt Romney would have more money than Jay-Z.
What an odd reference. Is Kevin trying to show us his street cred? Or, is he just using Jay-Z because, you know, Blah?
Well, to have as much as Jay-Z would be, just, vulgar.
Street cred. Jay-Z is the only rapper/super-rich black dude he's heard of
By that reckoning Oprah should be president. Or we can just make her National Goddess. That would be fine too.
At least everybody who voted for Opra would get a car. Or, you know, a copy of "The Secret", or something.
It is because Williamson likes to fantasize that he is Beyonce.
When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain
I'm thinking a "Lord of the Flies" kind of chieftain..
They have Mormons in New Hampshire?
???
I thought Obama was a tribal chieftain, because, you know, Africa and such.
Seems like Kevin Williamson thinks a lot about sperm.
Specifically, "Homo Sap"
Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.
Really? Because I missed the part where W had two *sons*…
Asshole.
Republicans: "W? Who is that? Never heard of him!"
They really are pushing this aristocracy apologia thing as far as they can, aren't they?
"He's rich and has sons, which PROVES that he's innately fit to rule over others!"
Look, it worked in feudal Europe about 600 years ago, and they're desperate at this point.
Actually it didn't work well at all. Which is why England, tiny tiny England was always kicking much more populous French ass. Strong central king kept a bootheel on the mid-level aristos, kept them from starting their own sub-fiefs and screwing too much with the peasants.
Yet another reason why the GOP hated McCain. Bad enough that he was a war hero – but a daughter? ewwwww
Today, we are all "Homo sap".
Shorter Wiliamson: Chick$ are whore$ who$e only goat is to marry the riche$t man out there.
Was "goat" intentional?
Heh. You got my goat.
My goal was to end that particular word with an L. I failed.
Oh, that's OK. I just thought that you might have been making some sort of biblical reference, as in goats for sacrifice.
And when they do marry the rich guys, if they are raped by Rich Guy, then it is not rape because, duh, married.
Now, now, Money. Your money's money is all that moneys.
Two daughters. That's why Dubya was such a wuss.
Two daughters. That's why Richard Nixon was such a pussycat.
Two daughters. That's why Dickless Cheney likes the cock.
NRO would never count Mary as a daughter.
And don't forget that big old Alpha-male Henry VIII had such great success controlling the sex of his offspring.
Come on. Haven't you learned. Everything gets reinvented for the democratic administration. Just like "Debt is good" when Bush was president but not Clinton or Obama.
For all the swaggering macho shit, why didn't any of them ever enlist?
Because they didn't want to get shot?
Romney was the boss of everything he touched; if the recruiting office can't make him at least a major general on signing, then he'll find a better offer.
Recruiting Officer: "OOOOOHHH!, You're a ROMNEY!!!? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!! Here's your four stars."
You mean hiding under their bed in the fetal position doesn't count as serving their country?
Romney was a four star Bishop in the war against not being a millionaire.
'ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs.” But why is this? Because Mitt Romney is super-rich, you guys (we don’t know if you have heard), and women select for status"
With our holes, after they're finished screening out all the rapist jizz.
It's what the tech folks call cascading.
Amy Winehouse points out what women want most…
video, mostly safe for work
WAITAMINUTE. The wingnuts invoked "evolution" on this one? Are they getting (more) desperate?
Haz confuse.
Does NRO stand National 'tarded Organization?
Muhammad Ali has seven daughters. He could still Williamson's arse, even with his Parkinson's.
I prefer he'd still Williamson's pen.
Ali's *daughter*, who boxes, could kick Williamson's arse.
Given their current physical condition, if I had to pick which one I had to survive a round against, I'd pick Mohammed over Leila every time.
Oh, I would so pay to see that.
Obama is a 'Homo sap'.
Pffft…. Mitt's sons are sterile and had to use IVF to sire Mitt's grandchildren, or in Paul Ryan's belief system, "abominations." Seriously, speaking as a soulless DNA replication machine seeking only quality genetics, I'll give Mitt a pass. Do the math: two fertile daughters could easily produce 10-15 fertile grandchildren each without help. Five infertile sons?
Oh, and to be clear, I've got nothing against IVF, I actually respect Mitt's kids a great deal for "coming out" about using the procedure. Just extrapolating the bizarre social Darwinism which, as usual, includes zero statistical evidence to back up his claim. I suppose he "heard somewhere" that Forbes listers had 60% male offspring. Well, I've heard that Mexican illegal immigrants have 60% more offspring, period, basically crapping all over the Forbes listers if we're going to judge people according to Darwinian success.
Genetic destiny? When Sol goes red giant and absorbs Urf, who gives a shit.
Except those that want to continue to populate Heaven (or Hell) or their own personal Xanadu pleasure planets with eternal souls.
Like Viscount Pompadour R'Money and his fellow travelers…
Interesting. And how many snowflake baybeez did they abortify in the process?
For the record I have the utmost sympathy for them. The missus and I went through the process. So I am also responsible for dead baybeez.
Ann hinted she wasn't getting any lately.
Who wants to be a female in those families? Using Akin's baby-making science, it's obvious the girl babies are self-abortin'.
What's all this about evolutionary biology? I thought G-d made every species in their final form and Willard gets to procreate because he is blessed unlike Obummer who is cursed with no male heirs?
You know who else was into eugenics?
V. Debs?
The Bene Gesserit?
Mrs Levy?
Anyone named Eugene?
Margaret Sanger.
Charles Lindbergh?
Bugs Bunny only dreamed of Eugenie, alas.
Grandma?
Annie Lenox?
Dr. Kellogg?
Women should vote for RMoney because he's a corporate titan and can give them male offspring? Doesn't that make all the men who will vote for Romney just a little bit secretly gay? In Kevin Williiamson's case, maybe more than a little.
Two recent scientific studies concluded that the more hompohobic a man was, the more they were turned on by gay porn. Ergo, there are A LOT more gheys out there than first thought, if you count all of the homophobs out there eating at Chick-whateverthefukit'scalled.
I don't know about the wimmins, but Kevin Williamson sure seems to be geh about the sheikhs.
Don't forget we had two "high testosterone" goat roper presidents (Reagan and GW Bush). They drove us into two different ditches.
At least, they played "high testosterone" goat ropers on TV.
you guys both spelled goat fucker wrong. strange coincidence!
It wasn't a legitimate rope.
As this tries to show that women should vote for Mitt because he represents the ideal potential mate, I must extrapolate that all men who vote for him must also see in him a potential mate.
So all male voters in the past who voted for men were looking at them as a potential mate.
No, you see, it is the "Wingman" evolutionary mechanism. By associating with the dominant male, male voters simply expect to collect up any "loose vagina" left in his wake.
Today we are all sister voters.
None of these fuckers understand the first thing about evolution.
None of these fuckers understand the first thing about anything.
Why bother understanding something that doesn't exist?
Ken Williamson sounds like a less intelligent and less packing version of the Ken Doll.
And I say again, what war on women?
Williamson's masterful logic sets up the November election as a win-win:
If all women vote for Romney because evolution dictates that they vote in the same manner they would select a mate, Romney's the next president: Win!
If all women don't vote for Romney, we'll finally have the scientific proof for the paradigm shift out of evolution: Win!
Well I would marry a Tufted Titmouse if she had 250 Million Dollars.
But you're not supposed to be the photographer at your own wedding!
Hell, for 250 million I'd gay-marry an Untufted Titmouse.
hahahaha, you would.
I did not think of that.
How many times do I have to tell you Meghan McCain is off the market because she is fucking Luke Russert?!
Huh huh, dude, you said "titmouse".
If you've seen that photo of Ann Romney in that fantastic blouse, she might just be a Tit-Fish, with 250 million, also.
So I guess the GOP's next move is to leave all their girl babies on ice floes to die from polar bears or exposure, correct?
No moar polar bears
No moar ice floes.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a White House.
We should just hand the Presidency over to Donald Trump.
Fortunately he's not in possession of a "good fortune" just mounds of corporate debt.
Chick lit WIN!!
“Romney’s net worth is more than that of the last eight U.S. presidents combined.”
Sometimes I think the Democrats should just sit back and let the Republicans do our messaging for us. If that doesn’t scream wealth disparity and income inequality, I don’t know what does.
"Who do you want to run your country, huh? The guy who grew up poor or the guy who has no fucking idea what poor is? Doesn't that sound better? The rich guy? WELL, DOESN'T IT??!"
These National Review people don't seem to understand evolution, or what a scientific fact is.
"seem to"?
don't "seem to"? You are too gentle.
OK, fess up, was that a WONKCOINTELPRO operation?! Doktor Zoom, is that you?!
Seriously. Where's the link to The Onion?
George W had two daughters. Dick Cheney had daughters. John McCain had a daughter.
bunch of fagpublicans
And Clinton. Daughter.
Barack Obama wrote two bestsellers that raked in millions of dollars. Kevin Williamson knocks out monumentally confused, biologically illiterate hack pieces for NRO wingnut welfare.
Who to believe, according to Williamson's profound analysis?
I don't know about the Trivers-Willard hypothesis, but I do know about the Obama-Biden hypothesis.
Win 2012!
"$200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away)"
Is he referring to the $10, 000, 000 + Romney pissed against the wall before getting spanked by Walnuts McCain in 2008?
He's talking about the intravenous injections of uncut cash into the Mormon church for the purpose of sustaining their gaybashing and brainwashing operations.
Christ, what an asshole.
The pantheon of perfidious cockbuckets grows by one.
Very true. Let's elect Barack president, and let Mitt keep the conch.
Rove can play the part of Piggy.
The difference being I felt sorry for Piggy.
"Sucks to your assmar!"
As a guy with two beautiful daughters all I can say is fuck you Kevin. Any time you need a beating with a bag votes stop by.
Ooops, the Secret is out. For Womyn to wrest control of civilization from the Man, they need only start skimming off excess males, and where do you find them–Follow the Money.
Saw Richard Belzer on one of the MSNBC yak shows, and have to credit him for this: the GOP is the party of racism, misogyny, homophobia and war-mongering. That's it, the whole platform. Everything else is just bargaining chips, positions assumed for tactical advantage, earmarks for their lavish contributors/overlords. The things they believe in, adhere to, will fight for, and which define them are: RMHW.
Disgusting.
It was this past Saturday's Up with Chris Hayes.
I'm guessing that Michelle's Utero-fascism killed all the sperms that were gonna make man-babbys.
Some hotties will lose their panties real quick for a poet.
So true. Movie producers are also able to induce otherwise-improbably-attractive babes to do them. Can't figure out why that is, though.
Yeah, Socialist Lesbian hotties.
Note that there is anything wrong with that.
I don't know if the stats on the children of men on the Forbes billionaire list are accurate or not. But, if that data is valid, it's just SCREAMING sex-selective abortions. There is statistically no other way to get such a lopsided ratio of sons to daughters in a sample of that size.
Yeah, and Jeebus, he had lots of sons. Oops. What does that make him?
It's refreshing to see the wingnut morans admitting that yes, they really do think the rich fuckshits are better than the rest of us and prefer aristocracy to democracy.
So how does elimination of girl babies help the species? And how many wealthy men's sons look a lot like the chauffeur?
Ask Schwarzenegger
Zombie William F. Buckley is going to come back and murder this cretin — and not for his brains.
You know who else has two daughters??
Former KGB agent rider of horses bareback Vladimir Putin?
Laban, uncle of Jacob.
no no, Laban, the father-in-law of Jacob,
(Oh yeah, They're the same dude.)
Lot, and he fucked them both.
And these conserva-clowns are so eager to return us to the 'glory days of their fabled old testament. Which is funny, cause Williamson and ilk with their eye for riches and *zero* aptitude for real 'wisdom' would probably be ridden out of Solomon's glittering temple-harem on a rail of their own GOPlank FAIL.
Haha, it was a trick question. THIRTY-ONE U.S. presidents have been the fathers of girls. There hasn’t been a son in the White House since JFK Jr.
But let's see: off the cuff there's Woodrow Wilson, Richard Nixon, Lyndon Johnson, George W. Bush, Scott Brown, Newt Gingrich, Donald Rumsfeld, Todd Akin… All of them, Katie*!
*KATIE COURIC ALSO HAS TWO DAUGHTERS.
Me in (carry the one…) about two and a half months?
I'm so sorry you were illegitimately raped.
The only thing being raped around here will be my net worth.
???
*puzzled*
Well, my Dad — but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know Kevin.
Um, Kev? Not to be pedantic, but two of your GOP heroes (namely, Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich) both had lesbian daughters. And I wouldn't be too quick about concluding that Mitt's offspring are all het all the time. I'd wager one, maybe two, of his boys are at least a Kinsey 4 1/2. Just saying.
And Saint Ronnie of Santa Barbara? How did his kids work out on the Republican-Macho Index?
Exposure to environmental testosterone in the womb pushes the dial in favor of gay baby. So, one of the younger ones . . .
I"m starting to understand Conservative's position on women, as apparently you are all whores.
Whores who won't sleep with THEM. No less. Evil whores. Witches, in middle ages parlance.
As I remember, didn't Bush have two daughters. So I guess he was gay and incompetent as president.
Now, he probably wasn't gay.
Although he did do a lot of hand-holding with that sheik guy — but that was probably just because all the wimmensz in his harem had synchronized periods.
As a guy, can I also cast my vote for who I would choose to be my sugar daddy? It seems easier than actually paying attention to the issues.
Oh, and there's THIS, you fucking ignorant moron.
I don't zero kids on that list.
My poor parents. 4 girls, right at the bottom of the list.
Huh. My parents had two daughters.
Huh.
Mitt Romney is that creepy wildling from north of the wall who sacrificed all the male sons to the white walkers!
The GOP should get a commenting account on Wonkette – their stuff is funnier than anything you can make up these days.
I guess my five sons make me "the man"………now, if only my wife would recognize……
"Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). "
It's nice to know Romneys 2.0 don't drown all the no-tails at birth like the previous generation.
There's progress for you.
It's funny how all Teabaggistani experts on women, what women want, how women think, and how women's parts work are dudes. And from the sound of it, dudes who would never actually talk to a woman, on account of their cooties.
King Henry VIII and his daughter Elizabeth I would like a word with you, Kevin Williamson.
Not to mention King George VI and his daughters, Elizabeth II and Margaret.
Wait a second. We're talking about this Kevin Williamson? Girl, please.
Ummm, yeah, he's not fathering any sons. Or daughters.
Sweater-vest libel! With lapels, fer chrissake!
He has creepy Paul Ryan eyes, but the little slut is wearing too much mascara..
Purty mouth, though.
Somebody goes to bed every night dreaming of being one of Mitt's sister wives.
Girlfriend is so deep in the closet he's finding next year's Christmas presents.
What's the "GB" in the bottom right, a "Gay Bulletin!" alert?
Glen Beck. Same thing.
OK, that made me guffaw.
Now see here you commie bitch! Why the fuck are your writers allowed to use words like the one that begins with "F" and ends with "ag" when persons commenting on this "I'm gonna just laugh as the world blows up" sorry ass excuse for a blog who just happen to be a starts with "F" and ends with "ag" can not. I am also a starts with "J" and ends with "ew" as well but I live in constant fear of using it in a sentence because of the near certainty of it being deleted by the commie bitch administrator. Oh, sorry. Starts with "C" and ends with "ommie bitch" administrator. Go starts with "F" and ends with "uck yourself"!
Starts with a "Y" and ends with an "awn".
I’m thinking that raising daughters is way tougher than raising boys because you’ll constantly be worrying about them dating someone like the Romney boys.
I'm missing the part where Romney smiles and starbursts bounce around the room.
Yes, "Look, this man has sired only sons! Not a woman among this group!" definitely makes MIttens seem more relatable and understanding of what women may want and need out of life. At least it does to this broad!
I'm working on different theories here:
We've all lost our sense of humor and don't understand the whole thing was satire.
The NRO has fired all it's editors so now anything goes.
Half the country is in some kind of weird time loop where it is still the 1950's.
I'm assuming the O in NRO stands for the Onion.
If anything, historically a guy's displays of masculinity cast doubt on the potency of a guy's sperm. Ergo Henry VIII:
"Am I not a man as other men? Am I not? Am I not? I need not give proofs to the contrary, or let you into my secrets."
Oscar Wilde had 2 sons and no daughters. I rest my case.
I have two sons, and while I don't have 250M I do own more toilets than I do backsides, so I am way ahead. Kind of makes you want to treat me with more respect.
Anyone who can make such a skillful and elegant poop joke has certainly earned my respect.
It's not too late to sign Todd Akin's petition to stay in the race!
http://www.akin.org/still-standing
All of this would be so much more delicious if Claire McHaskell, the blue dog, wasn't the primary one benefitting from it.
So Kev is pointing out that Willard actually wrote the hypothesis that explains his awesomeness? Was this a Bio 101 paper or something he did in college? Nice catch, Kev!
Off topic, but I am currently watching Mitt Romney live here: http://wqad.com/2012/08/22/watch-live-mitt-romney…
He actually just referred to his sister's son as a "down syndrome boy".
Forbidden name libel!
who you callin boy!!!???
Meh, Family Guy did that like three years ago:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/8978594/parkour_dog…
Obama's daughters were baked at the local 7-11.
Which is different from George W's daughters, who often arrive 'baked' at the local 7-11.
Here, Mr. Williamson, I've got an Apex Alpha hairy nutsack off of which you are invited to lick the sweat.
Also, let me correct some of your grammar here:
–Some Occupy Wall Street types, believing it to be the height of wit, have begun to spell Romneys name Rmoney. —
I wonder if they are any of the same (half) wits who constantly refer to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat" Party.
I bet someone already caught this, but maybe Ann aborted all the girl fetuses.
"…the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male."
Do you think this might betray some use of selective abortion?
Or selective IVF.
Women, who are they? How do they work? We try and make them happy, we give the hot ones whore diamonds, we spend a considerable amount of time and energy probing their ladybits and yet nothing we do is ever good enough for them.
Obama totes should have aborted those girls China-style and kept trying for sons. You know…because that would make him more desirable to female voters.
See, if I had to flock to one or other of the Presidential candidates to impregnate me, I'd go with Obama because (1) it'd be awesome if my kids didn't burn after 2 seconds in the sun and (2) I'm pretty sure that Mittens chuckles uncomfortably during sex.
so yeah, i can't unsee that ever.
Also, too, while orgasm may not scientifically be a requirement for conception, it sure never hurt a girl.
Hey, GeeDumb made two daughters at once. What a fag!!! Actually, there is a lot of anectodal evidence that he has been known to go for the one-eyed snake from time to time.
Yes, 39 daughters and 22 sons. Oops?
Saleh al-Rajhi… 39 daughters and 22 sons. Oops?
It is truly incredible, the number of ways this lunkhead's attempt to buttress his argument sinks in farcical mire. No need to drag him & his words through the mud when he practically lays down in it himself..
You know what other nation didn't like daughters? China. So I guess this makes Romney the Manchurian candidate?
St. Ronnie fathered two daughters and one son. Michael was adopted so his only biological son is Ron, and well…ahem.
So, three daughters, is what you're saying?
Therefore, Laura Bush was cheatin' on old Georgie. Must have cheated with another alcoholic…
Are we all missing the part where Kevin thinks Mitt paid more than $11.8 million in taxes in some unnamed year? The only year we have of the Mittster's taxes, his gross income was $20 million, and he paid 14.9%, and when he oh-so-truthfully told us about his taxes, he said he never paid less than 13%. So is Kev's theory that Mitt made $175 million in one year some year? Or that there is at least one year that Mitt paid 50% in taxes? Math, how does it work?
Mr. Williamson's law is so hard and fast that my poor, Irish-immigrant great-grandfather sired 11 sons, whereas my Andover and Harvard-educated, highly-successful father sired five daughters before the precious y-chromosome surfaced.
11 sons???
Sounds like your Irish great grandfather was pretty darn hard and fast himself.
By the way, the money Romney gave to "charity" the mormons spent building for-profit condos and a mall. But given how filthy rich he is, any kind of public space probably looks like a homeless shelter.
Also, Prop 8.
You'd think with all the man-fluid running through the Romney's veins that at least one of his sons would serve in the military instead of running from it.
They had other priorities. They had a talk and decided that America was best served by having his sons work for his campaign. No seriously.
How does Kevin explain Rick Santorum, who is wearing a cardigan? Fallopian sperm?
Kevin Williamson has constructed a convoluted world view where the only logical reason that he cannot get laid is because he is not an "apex alpha executive" with $200 million in the Swiss bank.
It is for the betterment of mankind that Kevin Williamson is jacking it at NRO.
Maybe Ann was pregnant a lot more than we know and aborted all the girls? Ever think of that, Kevin?
"Mitt Romney has five sons — Tagg, Dack, Tupper, Tyrone and T’Nesho"
All of whom had to impregnate their wives with turkey basters, or by jerking off into their bathwater, or by swimming over them on a warm summer day, because they're grown men who cannot accomplish fucking.
high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap.
i don't think 'mink' and 'red tailed deer' are exactly the animal analogies you want here kevin.
unless of course you're looking for 'animals hunted by stronger predators'.
oh and also, 'willard' and 'mink' should never be allowed in the same sentence.
Rat, on the other hand…
Shorter, not insane, Kevin Williamson: Don't you guys think Mitt Romney looks like Bruce Campbell?
No. Not at all.
Bruce Campbell is a god among men. Mitt Romney is a plastic-y robot from Kolob.
ASH LIBEL!
So the conservative theory of what women voters want is that they are primarily motivated by "bangability", and also that this metric somehow favors Romney.
I think I'm understanding where that gender gap comes from, a little more than I did yesterday.
And considering some of the asshole things that were said yesterday, that's pretty impressive.
They trotted out $arah on just that premise.
Now we just need to understand why they're incapable of learning from experience…
It takes a real man (or a woman) to raise a daughter. Also, many dollars, too. Clearly any idiot can raise a boy. Even Todd Akin's mom can squeeze out one of those.
Yeah! Haha! Why would women want to vote for a president who might have some degree of empathy for the particular challenges faced by Uterine-Americans? Don't be silly!
Sounds like someone wants to 'roam the veldt' with Willard.
Oh, evolutionary psychology, will anyone ever use you to make anything but a tautological just-so story involving completely asinine leaps of logic and a total lack of empirical evidence? *sigh*
"Barack Obama’s net worth, which at $11.8 million is not inconsiderable but probably less than Romney’s — Ow! — tax bill — Ow! — in a good year… OW!! Who keeps kicking me under the table?"
They don't even want women to like them at this point, do they?
Note to all the single ladies in the wonketteverse:
Whenever you hear a man use the words, "harem", or "evolutionary biology", or refer to non-human species where the male impregnates many females, it's a pretty safe bet the speaker is a douchebag who is using junk science to justify some of the worst aspects of human behavior, despite the fact that he himself is a beta male loser who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a bushel basket of $100 bills.
That is all.
You forgot the possibly closeted angle.
PHHAWWW HAW HAW!!!
"Possibly" closeted???
Muh-please, under that suit he has a bra on!
Yeah, I imagine him dancing around singing the Ann-Margret part of "You're the Boss" to life-size posters of Mitt on his bedroom wall.
Also, I'm pretty sure he has fallopian tubes.
That's funny; all the important big shot scientists that I hang out with at airports and cocktail parties think that Kevin Williamson is stupid and smells like poo.
First we're sluts and now we're whores. Way to go GOP outreach!
Maybe the alpha rich throw their baby daughters in the well.
So Ann Rmoney selectively aborted her daughters? Typical.
Shorter Kevin Williamson:
George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were basically girls.
From a pretty awesome rejoinder at Slate that someone just sent me:
"You see, Williamson read in a pick-up artist manual that women become helplessly horny in the presence of rich assholes, and since women don't so much pull the voting lever as hump it enthusiastically, Romney has this election wrapped up."
So Williamson believes in evolution. That means he's an atheist liberal. Real Americans know that the world is only 6000 years old.
Those "gentlemen" at NRO would save themselves a lot of typing if they would just plainly state what they're really thinking: "Damn negro in the White House prolly has a bigger penis than me!!"
Mitt's just like Conan the Barbarian. That's why he turns into a pouty little bitch when Obama puts the tiniest bit of pressure on him.
How many sons did George W. Bush have?
Lots, but he never talked about them because he didn't want to draw attention to their military service for political gain.
I do think, on some level, this is the guy's attempt at being tongue-in-cheek. The thing is that he's using that to push a really stupid idea in general… I got three things out of it.
1. Success (more, specifically, wealth) somehow makes men more virile and likely to have successful boys. I won't even get into the reproductive complications his "perfect" children had.
2. The typical manly man conservative male versus the limp-wristed, scaredy-cat liberal male.
3. Women think solely with their hormones and are apparently incapable of separating that from anything they do. Somehow this includes voting, because I'm sure almost half of the country's women wanted to mate with John McCain.
This thing is a puff piece. It kisses Romney's ass beyond belief. I think the author is truly the one who wants to mate with Romney.
Read the comments on the original article by conservatives noting that liberals "don't get" the article. I think we get the article just fine.
It's just bad. It's amazing that nowhere down the chain did someone say "wait a second, this doesn't make much sense".
Wow. Where to start.
The Trivers-Willard hypothesis is not about male virility. It is about how the physical condition, social status, or other characteristics of *mothers* correlate with the sex ratio of their offspring.
In polygynous species (one males can mate with several females), such as most mammals, there is generally a reproductive advantage to having male offspring. So mothers in good physical condition, or socially dominant mothers, tend to have sons, because sons in good condition or dominant sons will tend to leave more offspring of their own. However, mothers in these species who are in physically poor condition tend to produce female offspring, because females tend to leave more offspring than subordinate or less physically fit males. There is dispute on the mechanism behind this, but one proposal is that levels of glucose or some other factor in dominant/fit females biases the reproductive system toward producing males.
Humans are considered serially monogamous, or mildly polygynous, so it's not clear how much Trivers-Willard applies to them, if it applies at all.
Interesting, though, that Williamson interpreted the idea as related to manliness.
Not all women go for "status"…. well, unless your definition of "status" is someone with a 10 inch penis who can speak Klingon and put away a case of PBR in 3 hours… then I got status too!
I suppose she'd do. Well, if she 250 Million Dollars.