great moments in punditry

NRO: Ladies Should Love Mitt Romney Because Of Gold-Digging, And Having Daughters Made Obama Gay

Total fag“From an evolutionary point of view,” harrumphs Kevin Williamson of the National Review Online, “Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote. All of it. He should get Michelle Obama’s vote. You can insert your own Mormon polygamy joke here, but the ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs.” But why is this? Because Mitt Romney is super-rich, you guys (we don’t know if you have heard), and women select for status, and evolutionary biology proves that high-status animals produce more males and Mitt Romney has five sons — Tagg, Dack, Tupper, Tyrone and T’Nesho — while Barack Obama has two daughters, because his semen has sparkles in it and smells like Elizabeth Arden. Oh, sorry, here is your actual quote:

Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

Haha, Obama has daughters! What a fag!

Let us block-quote, brothers and sisters, just to ensure we are not taking Herr Williamson out of his proper context!

You want off-the-charts status? Check out the curriculum vitae of one Willard M. Romney: $200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away), apex alpha executive, CEO, chairman of the board, governor, bishop, boss of everything he’s ever touched. Son of the same, father of more. It is a curious scientific fact (explained in evolutionary biology by the Trivers-Willard hypothesis — Willard, notice) that high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap. The offspring of rich families are statistically biased in favor of sons — the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male. Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain.

Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

Oh, yes, Mitt Romney’s princely 10 percent to his church charity. Yawn. Let us read some more, because it is ‘tarded.

Saleh al-Rajhi, billionaire banker, left behind 61 children when he cashed out last year. We don’t do harems here, of course, but Romney is exactly the kind of guy who in another time and place would have the option of maintaining one. He’s a boss. Given that we are no longer roaming the veldt for the most part, money is a reasonable stand-in for social status. Romney’s net worth is more than that of the last eight U.S. presidents combined. He set up a trust for his grandkids and kicked in about seven times Barack Obama’s net worth, which at $11.8 million is not inconsiderable but probably less than Romney’s tax bill in a good year. If he hadn’t given away so much money to his church, charities, and grandkids, Mitt Romney would have more money than Jay-Z.

So ladies — and Queen Michelle — why aren’t you voting for the rich guy who has more status because he is rich and has sons? WHY are you insisting on voting with your brains, for your interests, instead of just bending over for the sheikh (HE HAS MONEY)?

Kevin Williamson has odd thoughts on women?

[NRO]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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369 comments

    1. DaveJ

      They are fucking VIRILE cardigans, made from the pubic hair of tigers he murdered with his bare hands.

    2. Boojum

      Hmmmm….leader of the free world vs. out work guy who plays with money. Sounds like the Big O brings the Big O.

    3. actor212

      Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't a certain testosterone-laden, face-shootin' Vice President only have two daughters, as well? One of whom ended up gay-married?

      And a lesbian novelist for a wife?

    4. miss_grundy

      Editrix will probably delete my post but I have to get this off my chest:

      Mitt Romney is the rat bastard son of a slattern and a pimp. A jerk who was raised to worship money and believe that anyone who isn't in his tax bracket should not be allowed to live. He was raised by wolverines in a state where stupidity reigns supreme. He is such a jerk that he allowed his boyhood home to fall to a wrecking ball and then tried to say that he's a homeboy even though he wanted the American auto industry to die, considering that his old man at one point was the CEO of American Motors. To say that I loath and despise this man is not enough. Not only do I hate him, I hate his stupid political party that has the temerity to call people of my ethnic group "terrorists". And I can tell you that he is making me hate white people as well, because I've met white people who are good, kind and decent human beings. I only hope to God that people see reason in November and send this asshat packing once and for all.

      1. comrad_darkness

        I suspect he grew up well enough. But head injury (and brain infection) can turn people into sociopaths. That's my theory for this guy.

    5. tessiee

      "Mitt Romney wearing cardigan" yields 2,790,000 results on Google.
      "Barack Obama wearing cardigan" gets a paltry 449,000.

      Coincidence? I think perhaps not.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I like to think that they just lie back, close their eyes, and think of England. Or Slovakia or wherever he imports them from.

  1. bureaucrap

    We need a "high testosterone" president! Just look at what a miracle of economic growth Ahhhhnold made california into!

    1. sewollef

      Or there's college drop-out, the late Steve Jobs of that little company, Apple [Market Cap: $620 bn].

      Jobs had three daughters and one son.

      Sorry Kev, your theory is shite… as the rest of your "theories".

      1. vulpes82

        Well, one daughter he ignored and didn't even acknowledge for years, so his testosterone must have been plenty high.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I don't know about stand-up, but the Onion would gladly publish that hilarious crap, verbatim.

      Seriously, the Onion needs a "Poe's Law" column for this sort of shit. ("What copyright violation? It was ridiculous from start to finish, so it's fair use to publish the whole thing!)

  2. DaveJ

    I eagerly await his next column, in which he details the many reasons why Dr. Strangelove's plan to continue the human race through "prodigious breeding" between government leaders and sexxxxxy ladies deep underground in mine shafts was actually a really super good idea.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?

      1. viennawoods13

        Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race.

  3. prommie

    Hmmm, the GOP is now out of the closet with its racism, homophobia, and sexism.

    I think the only thing they are keeping secret anymore is the fascism.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Keep an eye on their website for the downloadable marching songs and free shipping on the fancy uniforms.

    2. tessiee

      "I think the only thing they are keeping secret anymore is the fascism."

      They're doing a piss poor job of it.

    1. succalina

      Not only has Todd uber-uterus Akin fucked his chances at getting moderate women's votes, but now they go after Fathers With Daughters. Brilliant. What gender are Kevin's kids – or is he a big ole homo and have NONE?

  4. bumfug

    "Romney is exactly the kind of guy who in another time and place would have the option of maintaining [a harem]."

    Right – that would be his grandfather's time. At his grandfather's place.

    1. viennawoods13

      Because what GOP'er doesn't want to bring up the issue of multiple wives in relation to Mitt Romney?

  5. veritass

    boss of everything he’s ever touched…

    …except the factories that were shut down while he was CEO. He was definitely not the boss of those.

    1. kittensdontlie

      He seems more excited about the male side of this equation, and the prospects of marrying into Rmoney wealth especially.

  6. Billmatic

    Everyone knows a proper father is alcoholic, emotionally distant and at the very least verbally abusive. Anything else is against family basic values.

  7. Generation[redacted]

    Nobody is getting my vote until I see a complete facial symmetry analysis.

    Also, who is taller? That's the real question.

  8. Lascauxcaveman

    Whew! Romney, with all those kids! And all boys!

    Clearly a homo who waaay overcompensating.

  9. mrblifil

    Someone seems to be overcompensating for something. Also, too, if we derive value from virility that is expressed as the having of boys, then eventually we end up in a society that's all boys, and hence I give you buttsechs.

    1. miss_grundy

      No, you will have China, where girls are at a premium and some have more than one husband, because the Chinese decided the one-child policy and decided to kill infant girls. What fuck-face doesn't seem to understand, it is the girls who have the babies. And without them, society at some point will die. 'Cause buttsechs between men will not make the babies…..

    2. CthuNHu

      "…the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male."

      Only possible conclusion: Rich fucks are unusually prone to female infanticide.

  10. Generation[redacted]

    Ladies and gentlemen, the next Republican nominee for President: Mr Ghengis Khan!

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Yes, and it is now universally recognized among Republicans that he wasn't a True Scotsman Conservative.

    2. ShuCityRefugee

      . . . and Nixon . . . and LBJ; Clinton & Truman just had one daughter apiece. I guess it's a presidential thing.

  11. tessiee

    *exasperated sigh*
    Chuh!
    Would it be asking too much of these people to make up what passes for their minds?
    President Obama cannot simultaneously be too fucky and not fucky enough.
    So which is it — is he all rapey and shoving his big black zucchini down everyone's throats, or is he a mincing pansy in a cardigan?

    1. walterhwhite

      Obama is whatever the Rethugs decide that he is depending on what lies they want to spread on a particular day

  12. timbo71351

    Yeah, because Obama was barely making it before he got elected to the White House. Dude wrote two best-selling books. Real best-selling books, the kind of books that are bought by individuals. Not bought in bulk by weirdo billionaires and given away with subscriptions to the National Review.

  13. sullivanst

    Hey, NRO moron, get this big fucking hole in your argument:

    You can't get higher status than PRESIDENT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING UNITED STATES OF MOTHERFUCKING AMERICA douchebag.

    Ergo, by your argument, Barack Obama should get all the votes! Yeah, HENCE!

    Also too, from an evolutionary point of view, survival of the species and all that, men are disposable – one man could, if the need arose, and there were enough women available and willing, have hundreds of children a year; women are golddust in terms of mass-procreation, so Obama's two girls are worth a hundred times Mitt's five sons.

    1. IonaTrailer

      Also, let's not forget that in reality the entire population of Republican women would swim through a raging flood filled with sharks and used condoms to sleep with Barry O.

      1. CthuNHu

        "…a raging flood filled with sharks and used condoms…"

        Uh, what is the GOP convention after the hurricane hits, Alex?

    2. Geminisunmars

      "Obama's two girls are worth a hundred times Mitt's five sons. "

      And not just is mass-procreation or evolutionary terms.

  14. sewollef

    Is this the same Kevin Williamson that wrote: "Milton Friedman: An Economics of Love"?

    Because if it is, then I don't think I like him. I might say other bad things about him later, but for now, he's a bad man.

  15. freakishlywrong

    Mitt Romney would have more money than Jay-Z.
    What an odd reference. Is Kevin trying to show us his street cred? Or, is he just using Jay-Z because, you know, Blah?

    1. comrad_darkness

      By that reckoning Oprah should be president. Or we can just make her National Goddess. That would be fine too.

      1. tessiee

        At least everybody who voted for Opra would get a car. Or, you know, a copy of "The Secret", or something.

  16. Oblios_Cap

    When they go to church at their summer-vacation home, the Romney clan makes up a third of the congregation. He is basically a tribal chieftain

    I'm thinking a "Lord of the Flies" kind of chieftain..

  17. Callyson

    Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

    Really? Because I missed the part where W had two *sons*…

    Asshole.

  18. Incitefully_Joe

    They really are pushing this aristocracy apologia thing as far as they can, aren't they?

    "He's rich and has sons, which PROVES that he's innately fit to rule over others!"

    1. BlueStateLibel

      Look, it worked in feudal Europe about 600 years ago, and they're desperate at this point.

      1. comrad_darkness

        Actually it didn't work well at all. Which is why England, tiny tiny England was always kicking much more populous French ass. Strong central king kept a bootheel on the mid-level aristos, kept them from starting their own sub-fiefs and screwing too much with the peasants.

  19. Fox n Fiends

    Yet another reason why the GOP hated McCain. Bad enough that he was a war hero – but a daughter? ewwwww

  20. Lascauxcaveman

    Shorter Wiliamson: Chick$ are whore$ who$e only goat is to marry the riche$t man out there.

        1. proudgrampa

          Oh, that's OK. I just thought that you might have been making some sort of biblical reference, as in goats for sacrifice.

    1. NellCote71

      And when they do marry the rich guys, if they are raped by Rich Guy, then it is not rape because, duh, married.

  21. JustPixelz

    Two daughters. That's why Dubya was such a wuss.
    Two daughters. That's why Richard Nixon was such a pussycat.
    Two daughters. That's why Dickless Cheney likes the cock.

    1. savethispatient

      And don't forget that big old Alpha-male Henry VIII had such great success controlling the sex of his offspring.

    2. comrad_darkness

      Come on. Haven't you learned. Everything gets reinvented for the democratic administration. Just like "Debt is good" when Bush was president but not Clinton or Obama.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Romney was the boss of everything he touched; if the recruiting office can't make him at least a major general on signing, then he'll find a better offer.

    2. Mittens Howell, III

      You mean hiding under their bed in the fetal position doesn't count as serving their country?

  22. tessiee

    'ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs.” But why is this? Because Mitt Romney is super-rich, you guys (we don’t know if you have heard), and women select for status"

    With our holes, after they're finished screening out all the rapist jizz.
    It's what the tech folks call cascading.

      1. sullivanst

        Given their current physical condition, if I had to pick which one I had to survive a round against, I'd pick Mohammed over Leila every time.

  23. friendlyskies

    Pffft…. Mitt's sons are sterile and had to use IVF to sire Mitt's grandchildren, or in Paul Ryan's belief system, "abominations." Seriously, speaking as a soulless DNA replication machine seeking only quality genetics, I'll give Mitt a pass. Do the math: two fertile daughters could easily produce 10-15 fertile grandchildren each without help. Five infertile sons?

    1. friendlyskies

      Oh, and to be clear, I've got nothing against IVF, I actually respect Mitt's kids a great deal for "coming out" about using the procedure. Just extrapolating the bizarre social Darwinism which, as usual, includes zero statistical evidence to back up his claim. I suppose he "heard somewhere" that Forbes listers had 60% male offspring. Well, I've heard that Mexican illegal immigrants have 60% more offspring, period, basically crapping all over the Forbes listers if we're going to judge people according to Darwinian success.

      1. schvitzatura

        Genetic destiny? When Sol goes red giant and absorbs Urf, who gives a shit.

        Except those that want to continue to populate Heaven (or Hell) or their own personal Xanadu pleasure planets with eternal souls.

        Like Viscount Pompadour R'Money and his fellow travelers…

    2. superdave

      Interesting. And how many snowflake baybeez did they abortify in the process?

      For the record I have the utmost sympathy for them. The missus and I went through the process. So I am also responsible for dead baybeez.

  24. ThankYouJeebus

    Who wants to be a female in those families? Using Akin's baby-making science, it's obvious the girl babies are self-abortin'.

  25. SmutBoffin

    What's all this about evolutionary biology? I thought G-d made every species in their final form and Willard gets to procreate because he is blessed unlike Obummer who is cursed with no male heirs?

  26. pdiddycornchips

    Women should vote for RMoney because he's a corporate titan and can give them male offspring? Doesn't that make all the men who will vote for Romney just a little bit secretly gay? In Kevin Williiamson's case, maybe more than a little.

    1. Isyaignert

      Two recent scientific studies concluded that the more hompohobic a man was, the more they were turned on by gay porn. Ergo, there are A LOT more gheys out there than first thought, if you count all of the homophobs out there eating at Chick-whateverthefukit'scalled.

  27. proudgrampa

    I don't know about the wimmins, but Kevin Williamson sure seems to be geh about the sheikhs.

  28. Terry

    Don't forget we had two "high testosterone" goat roper presidents (Reagan and GW Bush). They drove us into two different ditches.

  29. godhatesmedotcom

    As this tries to show that women should vote for Mitt because he represents the ideal potential mate, I must extrapolate that all men who vote for him must also see in him a potential mate.
    So all male voters in the past who voted for men were looking at them as a potential mate.

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      No, you see, it is the "Wingman" evolutionary mechanism. By associating with the dominant male, male voters simply expect to collect up any "loose vagina" left in his wake.

  30. delaney_blom

    Williamson's masterful logic sets up the November election as a win-win:

    If all women vote for Romney because evolution dictates that they vote in the same manner they would select a mate, Romney's the next president: Win!

    If all women don't vote for Romney, we'll finally have the scientific proof for the paradigm shift out of evolution: Win!

    1. Gleem McShineys

      If you've seen that photo of Ann Romney in that fantastic blouse, she might just be a Tit-Fish, with 250 million, also.

  31. MissTaken

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a White House.

  32. Iam_Who_Iam

    “Romney’s net worth is more than that of the last eight U.S. presidents combined.”

    Sometimes I think the Democrats should just sit back and let the Republicans do our messaging for us. If that doesn’t scream wealth disparity and income inequality, I don’t know what does.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      "Who do you want to run your country, huh? The guy who grew up poor or the guy who has no fucking idea what poor is? Doesn't that sound better? The rich guy? WELL, DOESN'T IT??!"

  33. SorosBot

    These National Review people don't seem to understand evolution, or what a scientific fact is.

  34. Nibbler of Niblonia

    George W had two daughters. Dick Cheney had daughters. John McCain had a daughter.

    bunch of fagpublicans

  35. Chichikovovich

    Barack Obama wrote two bestsellers that raked in millions of dollars. Kevin Williamson knocks out monumentally confused, biologically illiterate hack pieces for NRO wingnut welfare.

    Who to believe, according to Williamson's profound analysis?

  36. IonaTrailer

    I don't know about the Trivers-Willard hypothesis, but I do know about the Obama-Biden hypothesis.

    Win 2012!

  37. Mittens Howell, III

    "$200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more if he didn’t give so much away)"

    Is he referring to the $10, 000, 000 + Romney pissed against the wall before getting spanked by Walnuts McCain in 2008?

    1. sullivanst

      He's talking about the intravenous injections of uncut cash into the Mormon church for the purpose of sustaining their gaybashing and brainwashing operations.

  38. Beowoof

    As a guy with two beautiful daughters all I can say is fuck you Kevin. Any time you need a beating with a bag votes stop by.

  39. kittensdontlie

    Ooops, the Secret is out. For Womyn to wrest control of civilization from the Man, they need only start skimming off excess males, and where do you find them–Follow the Money.

  40. Lot_49

    Saw Richard Belzer on one of the MSNBC yak shows, and have to credit him for this: the GOP is the party of racism, misogyny, homophobia and war-mongering. That's it, the whole platform. Everything else is just bargaining chips, positions assumed for tactical advantage, earmarks for their lavish contributors/overlords. The things they believe in, adhere to, will fight for, and which define them are: RMHW.

    Disgusting.

  41. Blueb4sinrise

    I'm guessing that Michelle's Utero-fascism killed all the sperms that were gonna make man-babbys.

    1. Lot_49

      So true. Movie producers are also able to induce otherwise-improbably-attractive babes to do them. Can't figure out why that is, though.

  42. MacRaith

    I don't know if the stats on the children of men on the Forbes billionaire list are accurate or not. But, if that data is valid, it's just SCREAMING sex-selective abortions. There is statistically no other way to get such a lopsided ratio of sons to daughters in a sample of that size.

  43. SorosBot

    It's refreshing to see the wingnut morans admitting that yes, they really do think the rich fuckshits are better than the rest of us and prefer aristocracy to democracy.

  44. GeorgiaBurning

    So how does elimination of girl babies help the species? And how many wealthy men's sons look a lot like the chauffeur?

  45. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Zombie William F. Buckley is going to come back and murder this cretin — and not for his brains.

        1. Mumbletypeg

          And these conserva-clowns are so eager to return us to the 'glory days of their fabled old testament. Which is funny, cause Williamson and ilk with their eye for riches and *zero* aptitude for real 'wisdom' would probably be ridden out of Solomon's glittering temple-harem on a rail of their own GOPlank FAIL.

    1. Tequila Mockingbird

      Haha, it was a trick question. THIRTY-ONE U.S. presidents have been the fathers of girls. There hasn’t been a son in the White House since JFK Jr.

      But let's see: off the cuff there's Woodrow Wilson, Richard Nixon, Lyndon Johnson, George W. Bush, Scott Brown, Newt Gingrich, Donald Rumsfeld, Todd Akin… All of them, Katie*!

      *KATIE COURIC ALSO HAS TWO DAUGHTERS.

  46. elviouslyqueer

    Um, Kev? Not to be pedantic, but two of your GOP heroes (namely, Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich) both had lesbian daughters. And I wouldn't be too quick about concluding that Mitt's offspring are all het all the time. I'd wager one, maybe two, of his boys are at least a Kinsey 4 1/2. Just saying.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Exposure to environmental testosterone in the womb pushes the dial in favor of gay baby. So, one of the younger ones . . .

    1. comrad_darkness

      Whores who won't sleep with THEM. No less. Evil whores. Witches, in middle ages parlance.

      1. tessiee

        Although he did do a lot of hand-holding with that sheik guy — but that was probably just because all the wimmensz in his harem had synchronized periods.

  47. Nibbler of Niblonia

    Mitt Romney is that creepy wildling from north of the wall who sacrificed all the male sons to the white walkers!

  48. Misty Malarky

    "Have a gander at that Romney family picture: five sons, zero daughters. Romney has 18 grandchildren, and they exceed a 2:1 ratio of grandsons to granddaughters (13:5). "

    It's nice to know Romneys 2.0 don't drown all the no-tails at birth like the previous generation.

    There's progress for you.

  49. LetUsBray

    It's funny how all Teabaggistani experts on women, what women want, how women think, and how women's parts work are dudes. And from the sound of it, dudes who would never actually talk to a woman, on account of their cooties.

  50. BlueStateLibel

    King Henry VIII and his daughter Elizabeth I would like a word with you, Kevin Williamson.

  51. lunchbox360

    Now see here you commie bitch! Why the fuck are your writers allowed to use words like the one that begins with "F" and ends with "ag" when persons commenting on this "I'm gonna just laugh as the world blows up" sorry ass excuse for a blog who just happen to be a starts with "F" and ends with "ag" can not. I am also a starts with "J" and ends with "ew" as well but I live in constant fear of using it in a sentence because of the near certainty of it being deleted by the commie bitch administrator. Oh, sorry. Starts with "C" and ends with "ommie bitch" administrator. Go starts with "F" and ends with "uck yourself"!

  52. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’m thinking that raising daughters is way tougher than raising boys because you’ll constantly be worrying about them dating someone like the Romney boys.

  53. Jerri

    Yes, "Look, this man has sired only sons! Not a woman among this group!" definitely makes MIttens seem more relatable and understanding of what women may want and need out of life. At least it does to this broad!

  54. Self-Uploader

    I'm working on different theories here:
    We've all lost our sense of humor and don't understand the whole thing was satire.
    The NRO has fired all it's editors so now anything goes.
    Half the country is in some kind of weird time loop where it is still the 1950's.

  55. poorgradstudent

    If anything, historically a guy's displays of masculinity cast doubt on the potency of a guy's sperm. Ergo Henry VIII:

    "Am I not a man as other men? Am I not? Am I not? I need not give proofs to the contrary, or let you into my secrets."

  56. docterry6973

    I have two sons, and while I don't have 250M I do own more toilets than I do backsides, so I am way ahead. Kind of makes you want to treat me with more respect.

    1. iburl

      All of this would be so much more delicious if Claire McHaskell, the blue dog, wasn't the primary one benefitting from it.

  57. barto

    So Kev is pointing out that Willard actually wrote the hypothesis that explains his awesomeness? Was this a Bio 101 paper or something he did in college? Nice catch, Kev!

  58. Mittens Howell, III

    Obama's daughters were baked at the local 7-11.

    Which is different from George W's daughters, who often arrive 'baked' at the local 7-11.

  59. Serolf_Divad

    Here, Mr. Williamson, I've got an Apex Alpha hairy nutsack off of which you are invited to lick the sweat.

    Also, let me correct some of your grammar here:

    Willard M. Romney: $200 million in the bank (and a hell of a lot more less if he didn’t give so much away hadn't looted the retirement accounts of thousands of hard working Americans he subsequently fired, and paid taxes like an honest person instead of hiding his millions behind unethical tax shelters.)

  60. DonnyKerabotsos

    –Some Occupy Wall Street types, believing it to be the height of wit, have begun to spell Romneys name Rmoney. —

    I wonder if they are any of the same (half) wits who constantly refer to the Democratic Party as the "Democrat" Party.

  61. Bezoar

    "…the children of the general population are 51 percent male and 49 percent female, but the children of the Forbes billionaire list are 60 percent male."

    Do you think this might betray some use of selective abortion?

  62. pdiddycornchips

    Women, who are they? How do they work? We try and make them happy, we give the hot ones whore diamonds, we spend a considerable amount of time and energy probing their ladybits and yet nothing we do is ever good enough for them.

  63. CivicHoliday

    Obama totes should have aborted those girls China-style and kept trying for sons. You know…because that would make him more desirable to female voters.

  64. anniegetyerfun

    See, if I had to flock to one or other of the Presidential candidates to impregnate me, I'd go with Obama because (1) it'd be awesome if my kids didn't burn after 2 seconds in the sun and (2) I'm pretty sure that Mittens chuckles uncomfortably during sex.

  65. Isyaignert

    Hey, GeeDumb made two daughters at once. What a fag!!! Actually, there is a lot of anectodal evidence that he has been known to go for the one-eyed snake from time to time.

  66. sullivanst

    Saleh al-Rajhi, billionaire banker, left behind 61 children when he cashed out last year.

    Yes, 39 daughters and 22 sons. Oops?

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Saleh al-Rajhi… 39 daughters and 22 sons. Oops?

      It is truly incredible, the number of ways this lunkhead's attempt to buttress his argument sinks in farcical mire. No need to drag him & his words through the mud when he practically lays down in it himself..

  67. Wilcoxyz

    You know what other nation didn't like daughters? China. So I guess this makes Romney the Manchurian candidate?

  68. docterry6973

    St. Ronnie fathered two daughters and one son. Michael was adopted so his only biological son is Ron, and well…ahem.

  69. comrad_darkness

    Therefore, Laura Bush was cheatin' on old Georgie. Must have cheated with another alcoholic…

  70. shelwood46

    Are we all missing the part where Kevin thinks Mitt paid more than $11.8 million in taxes in some unnamed year? The only year we have of the Mittster's taxes, his gross income was $20 million, and he paid 14.9%, and when he oh-so-truthfully told us about his taxes, he said he never paid less than 13%. So is Kev's theory that Mitt made $175 million in one year some year? Or that there is at least one year that Mitt paid 50% in taxes? Math, how does it work?

  71. ShuCityRefugee

    Mr. Williamson's law is so hard and fast that my poor, Irish-immigrant great-grandfather sired 11 sons, whereas my Andover and Harvard-educated, highly-successful father sired five daughters before the precious y-chromosome surfaced.

  72. comrad_darkness

    By the way, the money Romney gave to "charity" the mormons spent building for-profit condos and a mall. But given how filthy rich he is, any kind of public space probably looks like a homeless shelter.

  73. ElPinche

    You'd think with all the man-fluid running through the Romney's veins that at least one of his sons would serve in the military instead of running from it.

    1. mrblifil

      They had other priorities. They had a talk and decided that America was best served by having his sons work for his campaign. No seriously.

  74. seppdecker

    Kevin Williamson has constructed a convoluted world view where the only logical reason that he cannot get laid is because he is not an "apex alpha executive" with $200 million in the Swiss bank.

    It is for the betterment of mankind that Kevin Williamson is jacking it at NRO.

  75. Steverino247

    Maybe Ann was pregnant a lot more than we know and aborted all the girls? Ever think of that, Kevin?

  76. tessiee

    "Mitt Romney has five sons — Tagg, Dack, Tupper, Tyrone and T’Nesho"

    All of whom had to impregnate their wives with turkey basters, or by jerking off into their bathwater, or by swimming over them on a warm summer day, because they're grown men who cannot accomplish fucking.

  77. fuflans

    high-status animals tend to have more male offspring than female offspring, which holds true across many species, from red deer to mink to Homo sap.

    i don't think 'mink' and 'red tailed deer' are exactly the animal analogies you want here kevin.

    unless of course you're looking for 'animals hunted by stronger predators'.

  78. tessiee

    Shorter, not insane, Kevin Williamson: Don't you guys think Mitt Romney looks like Bruce Campbell?

    1. emmelemm

      No. Not at all.

      Bruce Campbell is a god among men. Mitt Romney is a plastic-y robot from Kolob.

      ASH LIBEL!

  79. Incitefully_Joe

    So the conservative theory of what women voters want is that they are primarily motivated by "bangability", and also that this metric somehow favors Romney.

    I think I'm understanding where that gender gap comes from, a little more than I did yesterday.

    1. tessiee

      And considering some of the asshole things that were said yesterday, that's pretty impressive.

  80. ILLinIL

    It takes a real man (or a woman) to raise a daughter. Also, many dollars, too. Clearly any idiot can raise a boy. Even Todd Akin's mom can squeeze out one of those.

  81. Incitefully_Joe

    Professor Obama? Two daughters. May as well give the guy a cardigan. And fallopian tubes.

    Yeah! Haha! Why would women want to vote for a president who might have some degree of empathy for the particular challenges faced by Uterine-Americans? Don't be silly!

  82. vulpes82

    Oh, evolutionary psychology, will anyone ever use you to make anything but a tautological just-so story involving completely asinine leaps of logic and a total lack of empirical evidence? *sigh*

  83. tessiee

    "Barack Obama’s net worth, which at $11.8 million is not inconsiderable but probably less than Romney’s — Ow! — tax bill — Ow! — in a good year… OW!! Who keeps kicking me under the table?"

  84. tessiee

    Note to all the single ladies in the wonketteverse:
    Whenever you hear a man use the words, "harem", or "evolutionary biology", or refer to non-human species where the male impregnates many females, it's a pretty safe bet the speaker is a douchebag who is using junk science to justify some of the worst aspects of human behavior, despite the fact that he himself is a beta male loser who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a bushel basket of $100 bills.
    That is all.

        1. smokefilledroommate

          Yeah, I imagine him dancing around singing the Ann-Margret part of "You're the Boss" to life-size posters of Mitt on his bedroom wall.
          Also, I'm pretty sure he has fallopian tubes.

  85. tessiee

    That's funny; all the important big shot scientists that I hang out with at airports and cocktail parties think that Kevin Williamson is stupid and smells like poo.

  86. anniegetyerfun

    From a pretty awesome rejoinder at Slate that someone just sent me:

    "You see, Williamson read in a pick-up artist manual that women become helplessly horny in the presence of rich assholes, and since women don't so much pull the voting lever as hump it enthusiastically, Romney has this election wrapped up."

  87. valthemus

    Those "gentlemen" at NRO would save themselves a lot of typing if they would just plainly state what they're really thinking: "Damn negro in the White House prolly has a bigger penis than me!!"

  88. BoroPrimorac

    Mitt's just like Conan the Barbarian. That's why he turns into a pouty little bitch when Obama puts the tiniest bit of pressure on him.

    1. clblabin

      Lots, but he never talked about them because he didn't want to draw attention to their military service for political gain.

  89. softserve

    I do think, on some level, this is the guy's attempt at being tongue-in-cheek. The thing is that he's using that to push a really stupid idea in general… I got three things out of it.

    1. Success (more, specifically, wealth) somehow makes men more virile and likely to have successful boys. I won't even get into the reproductive complications his "perfect" children had.

    2. The typical manly man conservative male versus the limp-wristed, scaredy-cat liberal male.

    3. Women think solely with their hormones and are apparently incapable of separating that from anything they do. Somehow this includes voting, because I'm sure almost half of the country's women wanted to mate with John McCain.

    This thing is a puff piece. It kisses Romney's ass beyond belief. I think the author is truly the one who wants to mate with Romney.

    Read the comments on the original article by conservatives noting that liberals "don't get" the article. I think we get the article just fine.

    It's just bad. It's amazing that nowhere down the chain did someone say "wait a second, this doesn't make much sense".

  90. cairdin

    Wow. Where to start.

    The Trivers-Willard hypothesis is not about male virility. It is about how the physical condition, social status, or other characteristics of *mothers* correlate with the sex ratio of their offspring.

    In polygynous species (one males can mate with several females), such as most mammals, there is generally a reproductive advantage to having male offspring. So mothers in good physical condition, or socially dominant mothers, tend to have sons, because sons in good condition or dominant sons will tend to leave more offspring of their own. However, mothers in these species who are in physically poor condition tend to produce female offspring, because females tend to leave more offspring than subordinate or less physically fit males. There is dispute on the mechanism behind this, but one proposal is that levels of glucose or some other factor in dominant/fit females biases the reproductive system toward producing males.

    Humans are considered serially monogamous, or mildly polygynous, so it's not clear how much Trivers-Willard applies to them, if it applies at all.

    Interesting, though, that Williamson interpreted the idea as related to manliness.

  91. garryboldwater

    Not all women go for "status"…. well, unless your definition of "status" is someone with a 10 inch penis who can speak Klingon and put away a case of PBR in 3 hours… then I got status too!

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