Mostly just purple Band-Aids.In addition to summoning forth dread hurricanes to (probably) destroy any Florida seniors accidentally left standing in the wake of Paul Ryan’s spending cuts, this year’s GOP convention will bring to Tampa (and viewers whose remote controls are just out of reach) a terribly droll spin on President Obama’s recent musings re: whether or not you built that. (Stage-whispered hint: HE HAS HIS DOUBTS.) The just-announced theme for the Tuesday Night Republican Club: “We Built It!” Yup. That’s about what they’re going with, looks like. But did they? Build “It”?

Is this some sort of dream? Like, this theme night stuff is ON TOP of Tuesday’s Wonkette liquor orgy and exciting speeches from Chris Christie and Bobby Jindal?! (Which, could we maybe combine those fellers into one person-shaped microphone that won’t alternate between yelling at the crowd and lulling it into a deceptively sweet catatonia? Is NASA busy right now?) Anyway, whatever, you guys! OMG America is SO lucky right now!

Promising that Tuesday’s convention theme “will honor the fact that it is the drive, determination and sacrifice of America’s job creators and millions of hard-working American men and women who made the United States the exceptional nation it is,” Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus today announced that Tuesday’s theme for the 2012 Republican National Convention will be “We Built It.”

At a campaign rally in Roanoke, Virginia, last month, President Obama declared, “if you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that.” Priebus said that Tuesday’s convention proceedings “will remind America that we are a nation made great not by Washington but by the men and women who summoned the inner drive, discipline and persistent effort to achieve their dreams within the free enterprise system.”

Can you believe it only took a blogger three nanoseconds to guess that there was no way something called the “Tampa Bay Times Forum” was built solely with proceeds from newspaper subscriptions people forgot to cancel after their parents died? Everybody, thank this nice blogger for showing his work:

The Tampa Bay Times Forum arena, which houses the Tampa Bay Lightning, was built in 1996 as the “Ice Palace” with 62% government funds. The total budget for the project was $139 million, of which public money accounted for $86 million and team money accounted for $53 million.

Paul Ryan is probably going to announce a program of convention-stamps that future national parties can attempt to trade, along with hobo beans and scrip, for a relatively dry conference room where they can cobble together the conservative heterosexual agenda. (PS The stamps won’t be adjusted for inflation, just for spite!)

Convention CEO William Harris said, “Tuesday’s program will highlight America’s entrepreneurial strength and our people’s incomparable work ethic.”

And you will definitely be needing that work ethic if you intend to stay unfired from all those service jobs Mitt can’t wait to give you! [The Daily Dolt; Chicago Sun-Times]

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  • DrunkIrishman

    The only thing Republicans will single-handedly build there is the business of every strip club and prostitute in the Tampa metro area. The Tampa Sluts coffers won't be the only thing filled by the time this convention is over…

  • I hope they bring out Jefferson Starship to play "We Built This City," cuz that would make them seem so relevant and hip.

    • We built this city on cock and balls(built this city!)
      Goddamn that song was awful.

      • emmelemm

        I have always had a particular hatred for that song.

    • bobbert

      Note the sub-head

    • Great opportunity for Kantner and Slick to launch into a rousing chorus of "Up against the wall, motherfucker." For old times' sake.

      • Or even just Volunteers of Amerikkka.

    • fishwharf

      I can't imagine Kantner doing the gig. He's a cool guy. Hangs out at the Saloon on Grant Street in SF when he's not on the road.

    • joobajooba

      Actually Lynyrd Skynyrd (and Kid Rock) will be playing. (
      "Gimme Back My Bullets" ? "Freebird (but not for the poors)"?
      "SImple Man" ? "Double Trouble"?

  • BTW, I hear that's the night that teh Donald gets to fire a blah Obama impersonator.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Trump doesn't even have the credentials that he 'built' anything.

    • you must have that inside industry track.

    • mayor_quimby

      Their gimmick can't be that simple, can it????

      So, yeah. It can be that simple.

  • WE run this nation,
    We run this nation on bullshit and lies!

    Say you don't know me, or recognize my face
    Say you don't care who pays for that kind of place
    Knee deep in ignorance, supporting the idiot right
    Saying too many taxes supporting the urban blight

    Mittens plays the Ken doll, Listen to the radio
    Don't you remember?
    We made this slogan, We run this nation on bullshit and lies!

    Run this nation, we run this nation on bullshit and lies

  • Pragmatist2

    Well so long as they don't land at the Tampa airport or take the interstate highway in or venture out into navigable waters or check with the Weather Bureau to see if a hurricane will kill them all or stop at a red light or stop sign or need police assistance when their hookers steal their wallets, the stadium should be their only encounter with government.

    • calliecallie

      And if they don't drink anything with water or ice in it. Or flush the toilet anywhere.

      • viennawoods13

        Or eat anything that had to pass inspection. You know, so they don't die.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Well, and then talk to each other. Given how many of the politicians there are, you know, employed by the US gov't.

  • WhatTheHeck

    If the government built it, the republicans will come all over it.
    They are classy like that.

  • Barb_

    ……"“will honor the fact that it is the drive, determination and sacrifice of America’s job creators and millions of hard-working American men and women who made the United States the exceptional nation it is"

    Unless they are union workers. In that case, they just ruin everything and are a bunch of thugs.

    • Callyson

      I am seriously hoping that some of those union members picket this event, carrying signs that say "No, *we* built this!"

      • Barb_

        That would be sweet.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Oh, this is priceless. Priceless.

  • rickmaci

    Hope all those GOstdP's have a great time at their little tea party. They should try to be careful about taking one of those gifts that keeps on giving home with them, although they are probably at greater risk because they are ignorant a-holes and don't believe in science.

    • thedeathofirony

      or condoms

  • TeaNuts

    I see that all the geezers are proceeding to Gods waiting room (Florida), they didn't make that either, but I'm sure they will claim they did.

  • bobbert

    At last: actual irony.

  • elfgoldsackring

    They smelt it; they dealt it.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    We built it?
    If any of these morans ever swung a hammer I’m sure someone got hurt.

    • Beowoof

      Probably just a servant who brought the coffee too cold.

    • No, they built it with their ideas (and vast inherited fortunes).

      The actual laborers who actually did the actual buidling don't deserve any of the credit, because that is Marxism (literally!).

      If any of this is starting to sound sort of like the backstory of Bioshock, there's a reason for that.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I always thought giving credit to the actual laborers was Mexicanism.

        • Isyaignert

          WTF – That's too funny, because when I saw "Marxism" I read 'Mexican."

  • sudsmckenzie

    I hope Bobby brings his traveling foyer to the arena.

    • nounverb911

      And his privately funded hurricane monitors?

  • nounverb911

    It's a shame that Florida has to import its natural disasters.

  • coolhandnuke

    Can Dexter throw the opening pitch.

  • Wilcoxyz

    It's a private-pubic partnership, just like at all the Tampa strip clubs.

    • hagajim

      You did say pubic…I read public…damn dyslexia.

  • majicunderwear

    Perfect storm brewing as Hurricane Akin approaches, this will be the real focus of the convention. Mittens can run but he can't hide this time.

  • "We Built It. Go fuck yourself!"

  • Ruhe

    "… the drive, determination and sacrifice of America’s job creators…" and thus begins the homily that announces the new religion. We shall all kneel and worship the pantheon of demi-god "Job Creators". This sort of language is where the Rand really starts to leak out of the Republican ethos as it's currently constituted. But please go back and read the book so you can learn just what your place might be in this brave new world. Not everyone gets to stand right next to John Galt. Not everyone gets to be a steel magnate or a pretend pirate. Some of us, most of us, just end up being extras and bit players who alternately feel blessed at merely being in the presence of the creators then feel sad about our own lot at which point we will stumble in front of an oncoming train…the end.

    • shelwood46

      As a woman, I look forward to all the rape. It's a relief knowing I won't get pregnant.

  • mikes75

    Guys, don't knock their hooker-stripper usage, it's the only way they'll ever learn about ladyparts.

  • Wouldn't it be more fitting to have the Republican ButtFest in the spiffy new Salvador Dalí museum? It's just across the bay, it had significant public financing, it's hurricane-proof, and its exhibits are almost as surreal as the Greedy One Percent's Platform.

    • IonaTrailer

      Went last year – it was great!

    • Steverino247

      Athmospheric Skull Sodomizing a Piano. Here:

      Republican Hacks Sodomizing the Middle Class. Here:

    • sewollef

      I really love Dalí's work, it's such a shame he was a Franco stooge, an out-and-out fascist and a supporter of torture.

      Dalí supported the military victory over the republican government in the civil war and the transporting of 200,000 captured Spanish leftists to concentration camps.

      In fact, Dalí sent telegrams to Franco, praising him for signing death warrants for political prisoners. Even the year Franco died [1975], he signed the death sentences of four political prisoners. Dali sent Franco a telegram congratulating him.

      The people of Port Lligat, where Dalí lived at the time, were so incensed they wanted to lynch him. He had to flee the town.

      Dalí was a noted FBI informant, who also denounced fellow Spanish emigré artist, Buñuel as a communist and an atheist, and under pressure from the Archbishop of New York, Buñuel had to leave for Mexico.

      As a human being, Dalí was a nasty, hateful motherfucker who stabbed colleagues and political opponents in the back. Next time I'm in Teatro Museo in Figueres [Catalonia], I'd like to piss on his gravestone.

  • mbobier

    Self-awareness: Not the wingnuts' forte.

  • Let's not forget the money the Republican's are getting from the Government for their convention. Or are the going to give that all back now?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Never. Remember, you just talk about not wanting the big bad government's money but you take it anyway. Most of the base are too dumb & distracted gettin'-red faced that there are you-know-whats in the WH than to fuckin' notice.

  • As long as there's an everything you can eat, 24 hour buffet for speakers, my governor, Chris Christie will be there.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I hear he's already camped out for the when the doors open.

    • Isyaignert

      I thought his name was pronounced "Chris Kristy Kreme."

  • hagajim

    Hopefully the private sector will come in and save them all when they get hurricaned on – by God for the win.

  • le petit mort

    Tampa: Where tramp stamps and rascal scooters co-habitate awkwardly.

    • And where you could probably find a person riding a scooter with a Little Rascals tramp stamp.

  • MissTaken

    This post is incorrect. The theme is not "We Built It", but rather "We Smelled It". The entire day will be dedicated to reminding the oldz of the importance of fiber and being regular and will be sponsored by Ex-Lax, Chick-Fil-A, and that yogurt that makes you poop.

    • Maybe an appearance by Jamie Lee Curtis?

      • Also, Fred Thompson for reverse mortgages.

      • Beowoof

        What has Jamie really shown since Trading Places?

        • calliecallie

          Her cleavage and fine legs on NCIS. (now you know I'm old. I watch NCIS)

      • Are you referring to Baroness Haden-Guest?

      • Negropolis

        Isn't she a total pinko-commie?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Jamie Lee Curtis Libel! (I love her.)

    • Steverino247
  • pinkocommi

    I thought most Republicans got their money the old-fashioned way – inheritance. marriage and/or fucking over the poors.

  • coolhandnuke

    What a coincidence, the "Ice Palace" is Mitt's nickname for Ann's vajayjay.

    • Beowoof

      After listening to her speak, I would be in favor of her keeping that closed.

    • Callyson

      He built that.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      The Ice Palace Mittens built…I don't think there's a woman out there, and I could be wrong but I don't think I am who could get sufficiently moist speaking to or watching him move. While Rush Limbaugh is the human equivolent of vaginal dry socket Mittens is the bland, awkward guy who couldn't seduce a woman without a million dollars sitting in front of her face. Lucky him that he's a sociopath but I'm still sure sex between them requires several tubes of lubricant….

    • Negropolis

      And here was thinking it was the formal name of the half-term Alaska administration of Sarah Palin.

  • To be fair, the GOP hasn't built a fuckin' thing, per the promises they always make that government can't help anyone. The last two cities I think they've had a significant impact on were New Orleans and Baghdad — and considering that record, they should really be running from office, not for it.

  • SorosBot

    Do you think they might, at some point, try attacking Obama for things he's actually done and said instead of this ridiculous misquoting of him that ignores what his actual, true point was?

    • MissTaken

      HAHAHA! That's funny!

      • SorosBot

        If only the Republicans could ever intentionally be funny.

    • IonaTrailer

      Lies and the lying liars that lie.
      That's about it.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh, but SB, they've been touting this incessantly as Barry's "legacy quote." So it MUST be true.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Maybe they can just sit in the 38% of seats that didn't come from government funding?

  • And just announced, the theme of the 2012 DNC will be "Again, No You Didn't".

  • Beowoof

    Trickesy those governments are, building stuff accommodate public events. Next thing you it will be trains, roads and bridges for the commoners.

  • SoBeach

    I keep thinking the cackling and guffawing over "You didn't build that" is ultimately going to have the same effect handing out "Obama Energy Policy" tire gauges had in 2008: making the republicans look like feckless dicks.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Yes, they brought ice hockey to Florida. By the same logic all Medicare recipients who can't afford their coverage will be given recipes for tasty casseroles.

  • Florida hurricane you just don't know what you've done
    We may fall off in the ocean, but you'll never make us run
    You're a partner to the devil, but we ain't afraid of him
    We'll build ourselves another arena so you can tear it down again

  • Heh. Next week is going to be SO epic. Between the potential fun of the hurricane (Act of God or Global Warming – it's a lose-lose both ways!) to the first tearful apologies for some senator being photgraphed naked in a dog collar ("I thought "The Doll's House" was a place I could buy dolls – for my non-rape product children!"), hilarity should ensue! I just hope there is enough liquor in the world to get me drunk enough to actually watch it.

    • shelwood46

      Ahem, it is "Thee Doll House". I wish I did not know this.

      • It's okay. What happens on Wonkette stays on Wonkette ;>

  • metamarcisf

    Watch for David Vitter's special appearance at the Diaper Pavillion

    • Singing "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To" complete with oversized rattle prop.

      • Gleem McShineys


  • OT: We have never been properly introduced to most of the regular Wonkette writers, have we? (Except for Lisa Wines, International Woman Of Mystery.) "Kai", "Jesse", "Kris" — I don't even know what gender these people are as I'm leering at their witticisms!

    • anniegetyerfun

      It didn't even occur to me that everyone was being so androgynous with the monikers. But that's because I'm a slut in every direction.

      • I will refrain from making any jokes that would be awfully forward of me.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        L. lingua "tongue," also "speech, language" (see lingual).
        Pretty much applicable anywhere.

    • PubOption

      A lot of the writers disappear fairly rapidly, so the editrix probably doesn't want to waste her time introducing them.

    • kaiamursi

      That was rather uncouth, huh? Maybe I should write up one of those.

  • Both major parties asked for, and received, $18.3 million in federal handouts this year for the political portion of their conventions. It's part of the Presidential Election Campaign Fund (PECF), a program created in the 1970s to maximize disclosures and minimize the influence of big money in politics. By choosing the "free" federal money for their conventions, each party agrees to spend no outside dollars on the event (the $50 million in security funds for each host city comes from the Department of Homeland Security).

    But while the RNC and DNC bicker over how to close the federal deficit — and they rake in hundreds of millions of dollars for political ads this summer — both parties still chose to take $18 million from the U.S. Treasury to pay for their week-long political parties.

    Yep, they sure did build it, although it was totally funded by the government.

  • IonaTrailer

    I could NOT make this shit up –

    The American Family Association, a religious right group, is urging that Tillikum (Tilly), the killer whale that killed a trainer at SeaWorld Orlando, be put down, preferably by STONING. Citing Tilly's history of violent altercations, the group is slamming SeaWorld for not listening to Scripture in how to deal with the animal:

    Says the ancient civil code of Israel, "When an ox gores a man or woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten, but the owner shall not be liable." (Exodus 21:28)

    Yauza! Ya just gotta hand it to Florida when it comes to crazy.

    • anniegetyerfun

      That would take a LOT of stones and a long ass time.

      • Gonna be hard to hit him, what with him underwater and all…

        • ElPinche

          That's ok, let's give them a bag of pebbles and swim noodles. We'll see who lives.

          • lulzmonger

            Having seen orcas close-up, I heartily approve of this comment.

    • metamarcisf

      This goes beyond their previous position, where Tilly would be considered an enemy combatant and sent to Guantanamo Sea World.

      • anniegetyerfun

        He's black and white, just like the President. Ergo, Muslin.

    • PubOption

      But that way, Sea World can't make up for their loss by selling the dead whale to Japan.

    • Blubber Liable!

    • emmelemm

      It's right there in the name… KILLER whale. What did they think was going to happen?

      • Isyaignert

        Hahaha – very observant emmelemm!

    • C_R_Trogloraptor

      They'll have to teach him to say "Jehova" first.

  • MissTaken

    It's amazing what a little can-do, I can built that, can accomplish…

    • bobbert

      That is simply amazing.

  • anniegetyerfun

    That's nothing. The Democrats are going with "I like firing people… firing people up!" as their convention motto this year.

  • keepwalkin

    One day a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.

    C'mon Hurricane Isaac!!!!!

    • Callyson

      Voters to GOP: You talkin' to me?

  • mavenmaven

    There will likely be so much viagra used at that meeting that they might be able to claim that they erected that.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    They may have a point- how much of that $86 million was grifted by local Republican office holders from various state and federal agencies?

  • owhatever

    They say this shit with a straight face. Let the indoor gunfire begin!

  • viennawoods13

    Sorta OT, but over at the New Yorker is a good summary of what is wrong with the Repubs today

  • ElPinche

    I predict the hurricane will make a directly hit on the GOP convention. God will strike vengeance upon them with mighty fury over Katrina in 2006. If we're lucky they'll turn to cannibalism. There will be nothing left but bones and the only living thing will be Trump's mutant toupee.

    • bobbert

      I find your ideas interesting and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • ElPinche

      There's more.
      During the extraction, a Hazmat team discovers Chris Christie's hollowed out body husk and half-eaten David O'Keefe trapped like a small monkey within his rib cage.

    • Isyaignert

      I hope you're right and I look forward to hearing funny Uncle Pat Robertson's explanation of it all.

    • lulzmonger


  • Fox n Fiends

    Luke 21:1-4 Jesus looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the offering box, and he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. And he said, “Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

    • And then Jesus looked at the widow and shouted "Sucker!" and stuck out his Jesus tongue.

    • Negropolis

      He was misquoted. Conservative Jesus was actually overheard saying: "Bitch, that all you got?"

  • StealthMuslin

    "We built this! But enough about the national debt…"

  • If there's a hurricane they can always go with plan B, the convention center in Mogadishu.

  • obfuscator2

    "we built it!"

    i can only assume the "it" in question is the national budget deficit.

  • We Bilk It!

  • Steverino247

    Convention plank debate on the homeless:

  • barto

    "We Filched It" a much better theme for this crowd.

  • rickmaci

    RNC Chairman Rinse Penis will be mighty butt sore over this.

  • I'm a bit late to the party, but here's a poster I made that the Repubs can use.

  • C_R_Trogloraptor

    No, no/.My Tax Dollars built that. GTFO, Moochers.

  • The GOP, they're irony-proof, because, clueless.

  • thurufally

    Most of those old, fat, wrinkly, white fuckers couldn't build an erection without government assistance. I hope they vapor lock on Viagra while they're down there.

  • Negropolis

    "We Built It!" is 2012's "Git-R-Done!"

  • Isyaignert

    Come on hurricane!!!

  • lulzmonger

    "We Built It! Now, Let's Get Out There & Hate-Fuck It To Death!"

  • BZ1

    That "we built it" doesn't take into consideration, the internet, jet engines, radar, etc. etc.

  • ttommyunger

    Lest we forget, the Republicans hate Mittens, too; they just hate Barry more. The feigned enthusiasm for R'Money by the faithful in Tampa will no doubt surpass that of Liz Taylor's during her seventh honeymoon.

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