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Koch Brothers’ Brother Builds Old-Timey Western Town In Which To Properly Go Galt

How the West was wonHiyo, David and Charles Koch! You guys are weird, but there is a method to your madness: you want to buy Wisconsin, and the presidency, and so you do. (Ol’ Romney’s a pretty good ROI, huh boys?) But what’s your brother Bill’s dealio? On what crazy-ass thing is he spending his billions today?

There’s a new town in Colorado. It has about 50 buildings, including a saloon, a church, a jail, a firehouse, a livery and a train station. Soon, it will have a mansion on a hill so the town’s founder can look down on his creation. But don’t expect to move here — or even to visit.

This town is billionaire Bill Koch’s fascination with the Old West rendered in bricks and mortar. It sits on a 420-acre meadow on his Bear Ranch below the Raggeds Wilderness Area in Gunnison County. It’s an unpopulated, faux Western town that might boggle the mind of anyone who ever had a playhouse. Its full-size buildings come with polished brass and carved-mahogany details and are fronted with board sidewalks and underpinned by a water-treatment system. A locked gate with guards screens who comes and goes.

It’s so cute how mad Mitt Romney and Fox get so mad at everybody CLASS WARRING on the POLITICS OF ENVY and ANGER, by pointing out that some people have much more than they could ever possibly need, when other people have refrigerators, so zip it, Karl Marx.

Anyhoo, dude’s got a lot of money, and sharing is for queers and French people, and which one are you? Nope he will just build himself a whole empty town, unpolluted by our ilk — unless he brings in one or two of us for a humdinger of a round of The Most Dangerous Game.

[DenverPost]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • JudasPeckerwood

    What, no human chessboard?

    • Pragmatist2

      Allusions to The Prisoner deserve double credit.

      • GhostBuggy

        Buttsecks is a burden to others, and Wonkette a prison for oneself.

    • UnholyMoses

      No, but there is peasant skeet every Thursday!

      And everything is so green

    • Generation[redacted]

      Knight, jump the Queen!

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Everybody jump the Queen!

    • glamourdammerung

      "Some psychiatrists say it satisfies the desire for power."

      • Chichikovovich

        Many urologists have a supplementary opinion.

    • CthuNHu

      No, but he does hire actors to dress up in Western garb and shoot each other.

      Some days he even comes down to watch.

      • emmelemm

        With votes!

    • tessiee

      "What, no human chessboard?"

      That's what the Presidential race is for.

  • SorosBot

    Are there cowboy robots that look like Yul Brynner too?

    • friendlyskies

      And what happens when they…. "malfunction"?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed! Heh, indeed!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Hurr hurr hurr hurr … hurr … hurr

      • UnholyMoses

        That depends on if the malfunction is legit or not.

      • SorosBot

        The Free Market security team won't be rescuring anyone until you pony up the cash, that's for sure.

    • JustPixelz

      I have a Roomba robot that looks like a giant aspirin. Has the same effect on the ladies too! Only oral while they hold it between their knees.

    • Boojum

      West World libel!!!

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      …but since John Wayne was no longer available, they had to settle for Ronald Reagan.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Nothing can go wrong…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I have one of these too, but it's in my basement and also has trains running….

    So fuck you Koch Brothers – if you don't have trains in your town, you don't know what you're missing.

    • Wonkeroo

      Aw, we're being too tough on Bill Koch and his brothers. It's not their fault — there's a genetic screw loose that first came to light when their father, Fred, co-founded the John Birch Society.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      These guys are all nucking futs, but at least Billy is not an actual danger to society, unlike his sociopathic brothers. And unlike most billionaires, he's actually created some jerbs that aren't for domestic servants, chauffeurs, or yacht crews.

  • bumfug

    First place the authorities oughta check when hobos start to go missing.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Haven't you learned from when Dick Cheney shot his lawyer? The authorities don't go crashing in on rich people. They just wait outside until you have sobered up and it is convenient for you to give a statement.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Emperor of the North!

    • tessiee
  • ph7

    Thankfully, the Kochs will one day soon be part of the good 'ol days, too.

  • Generation[redacted]

    He's going to play his favorite game, Go ahead, pick up that gun.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I don't mean to question the logic of this but can't one build miniatures just beyond the window and achieve the same effect?

    I mean, damn, this is the age of CGI. Hey, Koch, wear a Virtual Reality helmet and donate some of that cash for a good cause.

    Oh, what the fuck am I thinking…………………..?

    • Generation[redacted]

      What are you talking about? He donates lots of money to charity! The charity of elect Mitt Romney that is.

    • MOG2410

      No need for thinking on this one.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    When does he hire a bunch of injuns for real shoot outs to the death with cowboys? Rich people have the weirdest fascinations.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The armed security force…PROTECTING AN EMPTY TOWN!…might take issue with intruders.

    • Tundra Grifter

      The Most Dangerous Game?

  • Pragmatist2

    Does he dress in bare-backed chaps when he and his "friends" come to play?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      We call those "bare-assed chaps," hon.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        While this type of chaps surely protects your chins from the brambles and briars I doubt it can fend of legitimate ass rapes.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Oh, LEGITIMATE ass rapes? Sorry, that's down the hall.

          (returns to illegitimately raping Todd Akin's ass)

      • Harrison Wintergreen

        Err, aren't *all* chaps "bare-assed"? If they weren't, they'd be pants.

    • tessiee

      "Does he dress in bare-backed chaps"

      Brokeback chaps, if I know anything about it.

  • YouBetcha

    Alrighty handsome young men: update your rentboy profiles, polish your boots, get your assless chaps ready. I have a feeling there will be a good work opportunity for you in the near future.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Don't even have to be *handsome,* long's they got a nice *ass.*

      • proudgrampa

        You don't fuck the face!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Dude, I'm not picky.

        • tessiee

          You don't???

          Uh oh.

    • LocalGirlMakesGoo

      ARGH! ALL CHAPS ARE ASSLESS!

      • MOG2410

        yeah, that's why we like them!

      • Fox E. Puppet

        Especially the "Bottomless Pitt". http://goo.gl/3CUkf

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Man, you had me all geared up for some serious ASS shots, and this is what I get? Here. Try THIS on for size.

          ETA: TOTES mostly NSFW.

          • viennawoods13

            Oh my!! That was… nice (fans herself)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I was fanning myself a WHOLE LOT too. That's what I call some prime hunkage.

          • viennawoods13

            All I can think to say is… All of 'em, Katie!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Definitely a Madeline Kahn moment.

  • not that Dewey

    Welcome to Standyourgroundville — population ME!

  • Beowoof

    Real Live Hunger Games set, or more likely Blazing Saddles.

    • UnholyMoses

      "The President's a nig–DING!"

      • WhatTheHeck

        it's twue. it's twue.

    • MacRaith

      "Mongo not know! Mongo just pawn in game of life."

    • LocalGirlMakesGoo

      You know… morons!

    • tessiee

      "Blazing Saddles"

      Last time I watched that movie, I got to the part where the bad guys rode through the fake village.
      When Sherrif Bart yelled, "Let's wipe 'em out!", I said, "Mr. President, I've been waiting three years to hear you say that", and burst into tears.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        (Hugs tessiee) There, there, dear. It'll be OK. Barack will do it WITH VOTES.

  • comrad_darkness

    Hey, graduates. Want a job as a gunslinger? No life insurance provided. See, these guys do create jobs! In this case, over and over and over again. Always a vacancy at Ranch Koch.

  • Xan

    Actually, French people invented this, namely the charming, picturesque "hameau" at Versailles, where Marie A could pretend to be a simple shepherdess (while wearing 80 pounds of diamonds, and shoes that cost the equivalent of the national debt)

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I doubt he'll stop here. What is an Old West town without a Hangin' Tree?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No Koch is ever hung in Kochville.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Yes, but are they *hanged*?

        • tessiee

          I see what y'all done did thar.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Shhh!

    • WhatTheHeck

      What is an Old West town without a Brothel?
      Maybe there will be a couple in KochTownship.

      • tessiee

        There are plenty of reich wing men who are already whores for the Koch Bros, but nobody wants to see them dressed as dance hall floozies.

        …OK, Marcus B., but *almost* nobody.

      • Negropolis

        Utah. I think the answer is just plain "Utah."

    • Barrelhse

      Boot Hill's lookin' awful vacant.

  • Goonemeritus

    If they are going for realism they will need some syphilitic prostitutes and a sheriff to collect guns from the new arrivals.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      At last, full employment for the Palin family!

      • Steverino247

        I see you haven't forgotten about the Village Idiot, too.

    • TeaNuts

      Far to many people to employ, let's just find a syphilitic gay sheriff, fun and efficient!

    • viennawoods13

      Chinese guy with the pigs , too.

      • tessiee

        "Chinese guy with the pigs"

        ???

        Did you mean "pigs" as in farm animal, or "pigtail" as in braided hair-do?

        • viennawoods13

          Obviously you're not a Deadwood-er.

    • tessiee

      "a sheriff to collect guns from the new arrivals."

      I thought taking people's guns away was supposed to be our deal.

      • Goonemeritus

        That was a shout out Fareed Zakaria and the piece that caused him to be accused of “plagiarism”. He apparently mixed up notes on an article with a hand written copy of the article. Anyhoo the article is as follows.

        “As Adam Winkler, a constitutional-law scholar at U.C.L.A., demonstrates in a remarkably nuanced new book, “Gunfight: The Battle Over the Right to Bear Arms in America,” firearms have been regulated in the United States from the start. Laws banning the carrying of concealed weapons were passed in Kentucky and Louisiana in 1813, and other states soon followed: Indiana (1820), Tennessee and Virginia (1838), Alabama (1839), and Ohio (1859). Similar laws were passed in Texas, Florida, and Oklahoma. As the governor of Texas explained in 1893, the “mission of the concealed deadly weapon is murder. To check it is the duty of every self-respecting, law-abiding man."”

        By the way I have yet to get through a day without being given credit for something I don’t deserve so I won’t be casting any stones his way. In point of fact I’m a huge fan of his work.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    With any luck, an even old-timeyer wildfire will burn it to the ground

    • ph7

      When the Sheriff asks for a waterpumper to spray the fire, the deputy will remind him we didn't build that.

  • An_Outhouse

    Wait till it burns down because climate change isn't real.

    • SorosBot

      Isn't much of Colorado on fire right now, because of global warmning?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Pretty much, yeah.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    This is Madness!

    THIS! IS! KOCKTOWN!

  • mbobier

    See "Rome, ancient: decadence of…."

    • SorosBot

      Except that these fucks are even trying to stop the government from giving us our bread and circuses.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Srsly. They apparently didn't read the parts of ancient history that explained WHY the Romans gave the people bread and circuses: because they're less likely to hang you from the nearest lamp-posts if they're busy eating and cheering the entertainment.

        • SorosBot

          The ruling class is often like that, though; it was Julius Caesar who, along with the Tribune Publius Clodius, gave the Roman poors their free bread in the first place, and look what the other patricians did to him.

          (Oh and Clodius was also assassinated, years earlier).

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I totes HEART your encyclopaedic knowledge of history, dear SorosBot. I could just sit and pick your brain for hours.

      • Negropolis

        Well, they sure as hell are providing the circus, if even by coicidence.

    • tessiee

      "See "Rome, ancient: decadence of…." "

      Yeah, but THEIR empire was declining!
      Ha, ha, stupid Romans!
      they…

      Awwww.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Jesus fuck me. This is so reminiscent of the days before the tumbril. I feel a Baroness Orczyish swoon coming over me. (whips out lace-edged perfumed lawn hanky, delicately dabs at nostrils) Put my head where? But I'd have to *kneel* to … oh! (THUNK! rollrollroll *THUD*)

    • proudgrampa

      Talk about reminiscing. I loved the Baroness (well, her novels).

      They seek him here.
      They seek him there.
      Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
      Is he in heaven?
      Is he in hell?
      That demmed elusive Pimpernel!

      (I didn't even have to look that up!)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        My god, Grampa, you really ARE an Old! (hugs ProudGrampa) I loved the hell outa those books. Read 'em when I had measles as a wee sprog. Confined to my bed, and my room, which, thank deities, had a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf.

        • proudgrampa

          Hugs back to you!

          Did you ever see the Leslie Howard film? He was the quintessential Pimpernel.

          And hey! I'm not THAT old! *gives MittBorg another hug*

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Yes! He played it SO camp! But I loved it. (Hugs you right back)

          • tessiee

            "Leslie Howard"

            There was an interesting (if you like that sort of thing) discussion about who they would cast in a modern remake of "Gone with the Wind". There was not much consensus — even on whether it could be done at all — but everyone agreed that Ashley could only be Ryan Gosling.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Your wit is wasted on me m'dear — I have no idea who Ryan Gosling is. However, in the interest of comity, I shall go look him up on Wikipedia forthwith.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Never seen any of his movies, but Lars and the Real Girl is in the queue.

    • orygoon

      That is awesome.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Wut, the execution? I loved the *rollrollroll,* myself. Really makes you feel like you're right there, like Madame DeFarge, watching the heads make it over to the basket near Madame La Guillotine.

  • Angry_Marmot

    Looking forward to news that the (non-union) android citizens have gone all Westworld on their ass.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yes, yesss, YESSSSS!!! (rubs palms together, wrings hands)

  • jodyleek

    The town is empty, just like his soul.

  • RRoccoco

    Guests have to dress up like dance hall tarts while Bill goes all Yosemite Sam on them. Dance, I said, Dance! Yee-hah! Good times. Paul Ryan looks great in frills, flounces and feathers!

    • MOG2410

      Now that IS a visual. heh.

  • http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hamsterpantsworld Hammiepants

    Wow. Whatever happened to just buying car elevators and dancing horses? Oh, wait…

    • NYNYNYjr

      That's Millionaires, we're talking about Billionaires here. Where it's an art form trying to waste your ill-gotten gains.

  • Grief_Lessons

    Building a life-size replica is bullshit. Build it seven times as big as life and I'll be impressed.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Why does this remind me of the Twilight Zone epi where Billy Mumy has his family under his tyranical control and tosses them in the Corn Patch if they counter him????

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I read that story when I was just a wee little kid. Oh, LORD, the fantasies it engendered. "YOU – IN the cornfield NOW!"

    • LetUsBray

      Except that's what the Kochs are trying to make the whole damn country into.

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ gogogodzilla

    It's not Hedy, it's Hedley!

    • UnholyMoses

      Except the Koch's will gladly take the Irish.

      Just not those … um … "others" …

  • coolhandnuke

    The town needs a High Plains Grifter as the saloon floozy, servicing the Good the Bad and the Ugly for a Fistful of Dollars.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      That's a problem. His brothers can only be in town for limited engagements.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Man, you are *sizzling* today! What's gotten into ya, dude?

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I took yesterday off, and abstained. So I guess I have pent up commentalia.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Wooh! (upfists J_W from a distance)

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Cue the harmonica theme from "Once upon a time in the west".

      • tessiee

        Ooee ooee ooh, wah wah wah…

    • pdiddycornchips

      Didn't Sergio Leone had one of these? His wasn't a total waste

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Hopefully it will have all of the dysentery, consumption and scarlet fever of an old-timey town as well.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I don't mind in the least if they get all modern and throw in a little Ebola for good measure.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        This story just made my pness get slightly bigger!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yay! (upfists BSFD again just for luck)

  • RadioBowels

    Hitch up Rifalca!

  • Callyson

    What, no public hanging stand?

    • Tundra Grifter

      In his fascinating autobiography "Helldorado," Billy Breakenridge wrote that late in his life an Arizona sheriff sent him an invitation to a hanging.

      Since he'd been to three already – none as a result of a decision by a judge or jury – he passed.

    • tessiee

      "no public hanging stand?"

      Now why would you assume that?

      • Callyson

        With the Kochs, I would have thought it would be the main form of entertainment and received star billing. Or maybe they prefer to use a quiet room somewhere…

  • ttommyunger

    …and yet, when he passes a mirror, he still sees a pasty-faced pant-load with a tiny dick that just never seemed to work right.

  • Not_So_Much

    Lookit all the jerbs he's creatin'!

    wait, what?

    • NYNYNYjr

      He's creating jerbs- temporary construction jobs, and permanent security/henchman jobs. And being the prey in THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME OF ALL is sort of a job. Well, an activity at least.

  • SorosBot

    Maybe if someone bought the Kochs a copy of The Sims they could be happy paying their fair share in taxes.

  • MaxNeanderthal

    As was said of Basil Fawlty- "There's enough material there for an entire conference".

  • Weenus299

    And this is the sane Koch. The one who has sex with women. OK, girls. And drinks and sails and has a good time and challenges all his personal mistakes in court with people who put one over on him.

    There's just no good Koch in the world anymore.

    • MOG2410

      Too true!

  • SorosBot

    The Koch brothers are all Bad and Ugly, but none of them are any Good.

  • HarryButtle

    He built Rock Ridge!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      All by himself. Take THAT Mister Barry Preznit.

    • Generation[redacted]

      He did it for Randolph Scott.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        When someone makes a move
        Of which we don't approve
        Who is it that always intervenes?
        UN and OAS
        They have their place, I guess
        But when in doubt?
        Send the Marines!

        We'll send them all we've got
        John Wayne, and Randolph Scott
        Remember those exciting fighting scenes?
        To the halls of Tripoli
        But not to Mississippoli
        Whado we do?
        We send the Marines!

      • Fox E. Puppet

        "Turning into Randolph Scott
        Somethings never change
        Dried Up and solitary
        Alkali on the range"

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Oh, I LERVE that. Wut's it from?

          • Fox E. Puppet

            It's from a Leo Kottke Song called, "Turning into Randolph Scott". I can't find a Youtube to share, though- I'm sorry.

            Rickie Lee Jones produced & sings on it, though…

            ETA: You might like this?:
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La-QiWzwgOM

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That is SO nice of you. Thanks! I'm sure one of the many Oldz of my acquaintance will have it.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Yep, wouldn't want to raise taxes on the wealthy at all. No way the government could do something productive like help the poor, preserve the environment, or explore space with that money. So much better that a rich person can build his own private masturbatorium with it.

    • Jimmyone

      yup way tooo much un-taxed money.

      Uh can I say fuck bill and the helicopter he flies in with?

    • tessiee

      True, all true.

      Then again, every dollar they're spending on this folly is a dollar that's NOT getting spent to buy the Presidency for Ryan and his sidekick what's his face.

  • Generation[redacted]

    I hope Dick Cheney brings his shotgun.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Dick Cheney once shot a man just to see him die.

  • Gorillionaire

    Well, it is just slightly less embarrassing that hiring a hooker to jerk you off constantly in public. I guess.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I can bet it is difficult to find a hooker with sufficiently tiny hands to make his member look larger.

  • UnholyMoses

    So what the hell will take to get all the Randroids to move there and leave the rest of us the fuck alone?

    • PubOption

      Just call the place Galt's Gulch.

  • Poindexter718

    In Bill Koch's western hamlet, a slick investor comes in, buys up all the surrounding land, fires all the cowboys and replaces them w/ immigrant Chinese Kao-Pokes. As the slick stranger rides off into the sunset, a young boy whose father got whacked can be heard crying out: "Bain, come back, Bain!"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Its full-size buildings come with polished brass and carved-mahogany details and are fronted with board sidewalks and underpinned by a water-treatment system.

    Now this irks me — these pro-fracking motherfuckers are ruining the groundwater for generations to come, and yet this motherfucking asshole builds a water treatment system for his fucking imaginary fucking town. What the fuck.

    • NYNYNYjr

      As Bill would say; My dollhouse is worth more to me than all the lives of all the poor people in the world.

  • sullivanst

    Bill Koch, you didn't build that.

  • mavenmaven

    GOP hypocritical gay bondage orgy headquarters!

  • OzoneTom

    Hmmm, "420-acre" and Colorado…

    • GeorgiaBurning

      It is an amazing coincidence

  • MOG2410

    Paging Miss Kitty!

    • tessiee

      ^. .^
      = . =

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Photo at Denver Post looks like a Kincade painting.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    I think Becca has this whole thing backwards. If I were a lunatic billionare asshole, would it make more sense for me to spend the millions that are literally just carried interest on the MORE MONEY THAN ANYONE CAN SPEND IN A HUMAN LIFETIME that I have on:

    a) Purchasing the office in President of the United States, in order to accumulate more of that money that I could literally not spend all of even if I wanted to,

    or

    b) Build real-life adult playgrounds, for fun, because I'm a lunatic billionaire and this is the equivalent of a normal person dropping $50 on a video game or a night of binge-drinking.

    I think, in that context, Bill is actually by far the more sane of the Koch brothers.

    • Rotundo_

      Ko-Rect! It's the other two you have to worry about, Billy is just having a good time.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Rich & eccentric is always the way to go. Or, better Howard Hughes than Rich De Vos.

    • emmelemm

      It's kinda like those eccentric rich hoarder brothers in NYC who died buried under all their stuff.

      As long as he's spending it on his own personal folly, who cares?

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    Can anyone kindly point me in the general direction of the Bastille? I think its about time for a good ol' fashioned stormin

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    The Kochs may own an old west town, but the Sheriff is still a nig[loud clock bell chimes].

  • HogeyeGrex

    Well, since I'm convinced that we really are living in some sort of Twilight Zone episode made flesh these days, this has the potential to work out rather poorly in the end for Sir Koch.

  • proudgrampa

    Indeed.

    This is just another one of those cases where a person has entirely too much time (and money) on his hands.

    This is also why the rich should get higher tax rates, so they can't afford shit like this.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Hear, hear. I'll fucking drink to that. Grrr.

  • orygoon

    Assuming it is in fire country, who's he gonna call if???

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I b'leev CO has laid off plenty of firefighters. Maybe this Kochsucker has his own fire squad?

  • fartknocker

    Does the General Store using Koch coins and usury so all the mine workers sell there souls to the company store? Can we send in Big John the miner and have him whip the Koch Brothers asses?

  • hagajim

    Modern day Galt's Gulch, which I think was in Colorado.

  • bfddad

    Uh, so what's the job interview for the security guard at the gate like – "Yeah, you'll be manning the gate here, there's no one in the town, you can't go there, but you sit here all day and don't let anyone in. Any questions?"

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Of course it's uninhabited! Bill Koch only takes out his People and plays with them in the privacy of his compound.

  • Franknflower

    Just appreciate how many jobs he created in the construction of this town!!!

  • Baconzgood

    http://danteworlds.laits.utexas.edu/circle3.html

    That's it. I'm too sick to snark.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      (hugs the Baconz)

      • Baconzgood

        Thanks. Only you read all comments.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Even the AynRandian taglines ppl choose. (Hugs you again) Don't want my Baconz to feel anything but GOOD.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    According to the Denver Post this place is full of millions of dollars of old west memorabilia. CAN NOT WAIT for it to burn down.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      So, uh, maybe a road trip? You up or a little wintertime "chestnut-roasting"?

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Sweet! I'm gonna make t-shirts. Would "Lethal Bear Ranch Wildfire Roadtrip" be too obvious? Down below they will say "Roasting weenies since 2012".

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I'm counting on Teh Stoopit being HIGH among our fellow-Amercians. Will they notice? Probly not. Give 'em a beer.

  • pdiddycornchips

    He really wanted a hollowed out volcano but EPA requires a plan to safely store all that liquid hot magma. Then there's all that Clean Air Act red tape. This is a perfect example of how regulations strangle business!

    • Pithaughn

      Close, they already hollowed out the mountains nearby. 100 railroad cars a day, each with 1000 tons of coal. For decades. One can drive literally miles into the mountains and find ventilation shafts for mines that go on and on.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Koch employs a full-time Piano De-Tuner for the Brothel Lobby, as well as a Certified Tumbleweed Wrangler.

  • DahBoner

    10¢ Baths, 25¢ Shaves and $2 Whores????

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    That's nothing. David Koch is so ungodly rich that he has built a working, inhabited replica of Toon Town from the film "Roger Rabbit"! (And by "inhabited," I mean that he has also constructed the world's largest plastic surgery medical complex next door.)

  • http://henshaw.me Jon Henshaw

    I would actually be for this if he did something useful with it, like bringing back the Firefly TV series and filming it there.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If I had billions I’d build small villages and dress up in a Godzilla suit and go stomping. There would still be money left over for the poors.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Phil Foglio's gotcha covered.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Oh, no! There goes Tokyo!

    • emmelemm

      Now that's brilliant!

    • pdiddycornchips

      If I had a billion dollars I would spend so much money on blow and hookers Charlie Sheen would be jealous

    • proudgrampa

      My four year old grandson does this all the time. Without the billions or the Godzilla suit. Course, that doesn't leave me any money…

  • poorgradstudent

    Not that it will make any real difference, but it is nice to see the Kochs undermining their own assertion that private wealth just automatically leads to jobs at pretty much every opportunity.

  • mustangsavvy

    The crazy is strong in this Koch.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Where's the giant Golden Sign of the Dollar?

  • Pithaughn

    I'm from there, literally, my grand parents homesteaded in the North Fork Valley, Paonia.
    You know what though? I'm glad he built this because it puts the lie that regulations and Obama are causing the coal miners all their woes out to pasture, or meadow in this case. Bull pucky , obviously there are plenty of profits to be made from coal mining. Rich , really super duper rich people who "own" stuff are the cause of your woes my friends. Corporations may be people but they are not your friend.
    Oh yeah, my grand father worked in the Bowie and the Somerset mines, for 10 years, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, you got Christmas and your birthday off also. He at least did not end up owing his soul to the company store though, like almost everybody else in town. The mine owners in Colorado ( every where? ) have a long tradition of voraciously exploiting the people and the environment with all the help they need from politicians and law enforcement.

    • Fox n Fiends

      Ain't that America? and ain't that where America is headed again….

  • anniegetyerfun

    I think they should build a few hundred more of these. Maybe a few thousand. It's a good use of their money.

  • Wadisay

    I want to walk into the bar and say, "Who's the owner of this shithole? You, fat man, speak up."

  • BlueStateLibel

    You know what other 1 percenter had their own little play world like this? – Marie Antointette (miniature sheep farm at Versailles), and we all know how well that turned out.

  • Fox n Fiends

    What's the big deal? Scientology has a dozen of these.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    watch out for the gunslinger that looks just like Yul Brynner!

  • dennis1943

    I have a dream……….it involves hacking a drone…………

  • MinAgain

    "Shane! SHANE! Come back!"

    No, seriously. Come back and kick this obnoxious poseur's rich white ass.

  • NYNYNYjr

    I love reading about the hobbies of our overlords.

  • operationpurple

    I bet he still uses their cheap toilet paper though

  • bauserdotcom

    Fucking LARPers!

  • Barrelhse
  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    May the ghosts of the dead miners women and children of the Ludlow strike infest his fevered dreams. Better yet, let's play Caldwell Idaho Christmas Suprise. Wild Bill can be ex-governor Steunenberg.

  • thurufally

    40 Acres and a Jackass

  • Barrelhse

    Wait until the High Plains Drifter hears about this.

  • ImForMitt!

    Bill Koch is a fervent defender of our god-given right to bear arms. Here's a story about Bill giving the local peasantry a "lil show of force" with an anti-aircraft tank.
    http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_21016506/tianan

    Of course, some America hating, flip-flop wearing hairdresser (you know, "those people" are always "that way") opposed this.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6DtDxaz_yg

    Remember, when rumbling an anti-aircraft tank down the streets of Paonia is outlawed, only outlaws will rumble an anti-aircraft tank down the streets of Paonia.

  • Negropolis

    Wait, you know who else built a faux village for their own amusement?

    • viennawoods13

      Marie Antoinette?

      • Negropolis

        Honestly, do these 1% not even try, anymore?

  • barbonine

    The Most Dangerous Game?

    I accept the challenge.

  • LibertyLover

    His own personal West World.

    We know how that turned out…

  • Nesnora

    Does that mean he wants us to round-up an army of bandits to plunder, burn and hang him from his own mahogany gallows like every corrupt town mayor villain in every western ever made? 'Cause I'll be his huckleberry. I'll even wear a costume.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    And the John Wayne resurrection happens when?

  • Robman2

    Stalin's money put to use in real old timey ways.