let's think of the real victims here

Todd Akin Straightforwardly Accepts Responsibility For Deeply Loving Rape Victims

Todd Akin has decided to stick with his Senate race in Missouri and ensure that Claire McCaskill gets another six years of Hardball appearances, and his first step to losing is this brilliant ad.

Akin would like to let you know that he does, in fact, believe that the basic facts of reproductive biology persist even during rape, we think. He says he used “the wrong words in the wrong way,” as opposed to all those times you’ve brought up how doctors think there’s a magic vaginal rape shield in the correct way, at family reunions.

Akin then goes into some hargleblargle about how he really doesn’t like rapists, and how there are so many victims (FETUSES THAT NOW EXIST, I GUESS?) of rape, and he just wants to protect and hug them all from the U.S. Senate.

The heart he has (presumably ripped from the chest of a rapist) is good. He just used the wrong words. And thinks women who get pregnant from rape – that’s a thing! – should be forced to have those babies to avoid creating more victims. Won’t you trust this no-lipped crazy man who is all heart?

Hugs, plz?


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    1. Callyson

      My only regret is that I had to take away your 69 so that I could give this comment its 70th upfist.

  1. Terry

    I was going to suggest that Akin burn in Hell, but I think that punishment should be reserved for those who vote for him in the upcoming election.

    1. jjdaddyo

      I know exactly what you mean.
      My congressman is John Barrow, who is the most craven of Blue Dogs, but I will be voting for him in the fall, because
      a) the alternative is whatever wingnut Tea-Partier the Republican primary has vomited up and
      b) at least he votes with the Dems SOME of the time, instead of against them ALL of the time, which is what a Republican Congressperson would bring.

  2. SorosBot

    "Todd Akin has decided to stick with his Senate race in Missouri"

    Yay! Lets keep McCaskill in office, and keep reminding everybody that Akin is good buds with Paul Ryan, with whom he cosponsored a bill that would outlaw nearly all abortions along with most forms of birth control.

    1. jjdaddyo

      Supposedly Akins wife is "the real conservative". I can't wait until she makes an appearance and accidently says some things in public that she really believes.

      1. PsycWench

        It is a little strange that he hasn't trotted her out to talk about how Terry would never say something degrading about a rape victim, isn't it? Maybe he's afraid she'd say what she means.

          1. jjdaddyo

            Maybe she has one of those magic, anti-rape vaginas all the Republicans are talking about these days….

    2. Tundra Grifter


      I mentioned that Paul RAyn business yesterday. They tried to change the language in the Medicare abortion exception to "forcible rape."

      I believe a main reason the GNoP Establishment wanted Akin out is this mess reminded everyone that RAyn tried that just a year ago.

  3. jjdaddyo

    I think you mean "forcible" rape victims, as opposed to all those dirty, dirty, "consensual" rape victims…

  4. Tundra Grifter

    So he didn't take political advice from Sheer InSannity – who has never run for office – and Off-the-Mark LeVin – who promised to remember the name of every person who worked on his campaign if he "loses the Senate for Republicans" in November.

    This is good news for Claire McCaskill.

  5. ph7

    "the wrong words in the wrong way”

    Gotta remember this line next time I say something batshit crazy. It means nothing, but seem like some sort of a confession.

    1. eggsacklywright

      But, but, he was just using the words that were there. Just layin' around, waiting to be used.

      1. bikerlaureate

        And there's all kinds of loaded words he didn't even use! Can't we give the guy credit for anything?

    2. mrblifil

      Fortunately he was able to organize them in the correct order, so he's got at least that much going for him. THE NEXT SENATOR FROM THE GR8 STATE OF MIZZOO!

    3. PsycWench

      A great phrase I've heard to describe this kind of utterance is "cotton candy words". At first you think there is something substantial there but quickly you realize that there's really nothing at all.

    1. Devilette

      Every Todd I've met in the past few decades were assholes. As soon as I see that name I cringe.

  6. IonaTrailer

    In a related development, shit-house rats, etc. This from the Amurcan Famly Association:

    However, today, Bryan Fisher of the American Family Association tweeted on Twitter: "Todd Akin is right: physical trauma of forcible rape can interfere w/ hormonal production, conception." Fisher also linked to a an article on ChristianLifeResources.com entitled 'Rape Pregnancies Are Rare' by Dr. John C. Wilkie, who writes: "One of the most important reasons why a rape victim rarely gets pregnant, and that's physical trauma. Every woman is aware that stress and emotional factors can alter her menstrual cycle."
    blah, blah, blah


    1. PsycWench

      So rape will retroactively screw up one's menstrual cycle? Oh, I notice that we have "assault rape" rather than forcible or legitimate rate. Quite the range of vocabulary our conservatives have.

      1. SorosBot

        Well the need to differentiate real rape; only committed by a stranger, against a virgin who has also never had a drop of alcohol or other drug; from when those sluts are just asking for it! Otherwise who would protect those poor mens who get prosecuted for rape when they were just taking advantage of a filthy slut who got drunk and passed out and was wearing a short skirt anyway?

        1. tessiee

          Marge Simpson: Do I have to be dead before you'll help me?
          Chief Wiggum: Well not dead, dying…wait, show me the knife in your back. Not too deep, but it should be able to stand by itself.

    2. SorosBot

      Nope, science and basic evidence proves that simply isn't true. But since these are the same people that keep claiming that abortion increases the risk of breast cancer despite the many studies that prove that is not true, the anti-choice movement will never stop pushing flat-out lies to support their cause, regardless of facts.

      1. PsycWench

        I think we've established that science and basic evidence are minor hurdles when a right-winger is arguing.

    3. Generation[redacted]

      Sure, it just has to be really, really traumatic. The AFA publishes recommendations on how to legitimately rape a woman to both maximize trauma and reduce her fertility in the process.

      Ask for a free brochure.

    4. IonaTrailer

      "Dr." John C. Wilkie got his degree from either DeVries or that bastion of higher learning Liberty U

    5. actor212

      The scary shit:

      Dr. Willke (sic) practiced medicine in Cincinnati, Ohio for 40 years, where he was on the senior attending staff of the Providence and Good Samaritan hospitals.

      This man actually served in hospitals for forty years, meaning he must have come across both rape victims and babby deliveries, yet somehow never put two and two together.

    6. Incitefully_Joe

      I'd say that my sister doesn't exist, also too, but apparently that also counts as one of them "illegitimate" rapes, as confirmed by NY state law at the time, since it was never rape between husbands and wives. In the mid-1980's.

      (Incidentally, the same father coerced my mother into having an abortion several months before I was concieved, which means if she hadn't had an abortion, I would have never been born. Following the AFA and Todd Akin's logic, this should mean mandatory abortions for all!)

      1. tessiee

        "if she hadn't had an abortion, I would have never been born. Following the AFA and Todd Akin's logic, this should mean mandatory abortions for all!"

        Counter-proposal: Mandatory abortion for Todd Akin

    7. GunToting[Redacted]

      Other "scientific" reasons cited by Brian "Anal" Fischer:

      – Most rapists don't "finish the deed (ie; they don't shoot their load in the fun tunnel)
      – Most rapists prefer "back door" action
      – Most rapists are, for mysterious reasons, infertile

      I'd like to see the survey design they used to query the Rapist population.

      1. tessiee

        Well, to be fair, the survey sample consisted entirely of R politicians, which explains the "infertile", "can't finish", and "prefer back door action".

  7. ChernobylSoup

    "Time out!"


    "When you're arrested, will you tell the cops I was sober and wearing a long, demure skirt?"


    "Less red tape."

    1. MosesInvests

      Can somebody say WINGNUTTIUM LEVIOSA and get these…these…PEOPLE to just fly away already?!

      1. tessiee

        *flings holy water*


        Too Catholic?

        1. kittensdontlie

          Only Calista Gingrinch has a "magic vaginal rape shield", which is in the most unlikely place—on top of her head.

  8. mocasdad

    The only way Claire McCaskill isn't the silliest person in the senate is if all the other 99 dumbasses tied for first. Which isn't outside the realm of possibility.

    Nonetheless, I'd certainly prefer her to the mouthbreather known as Todd Akin, and this little dustup gives me some confidence that this seat can remain safely in the hands of vacuous and vapid, rather than batshit insane. But, there's plenty of time for her to send out some idiotic tweet that will secure defeat from the jaws of victory.

    BTW – hargle bargle? Love it!

    1. SorosBot

      Considering that she's from Missouri; and not from a state like where we can do a lot better than a conservative blue dog Democrat like, oh say at random, Connecticut; I'd say McCaskill is pretty decent, and certainly much better than any Republican in the House.

  9. hagajim

    Sad thing is, he's still going pull between 48 and 49% of the vote in Missouri, and he may even still win the thing.

    1. AbandonHope_

      That's because those Missourah wives had better vote the way their husbands tell 'em to, or they're due for some illegitimate rapin'.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      Wasn't it in Missouri that John Ashcroft lost a Senate election to a dead guy?

      Maybe they aren't so dumb after all.

  10. Misty Malarky

    It does my heart good to hear a Republican to come right out and say 'Ummm. Rape is Bad, m'kay?'.

    The TV just said Aiken still leads in the polls in Missouri.

    They like him! They really like him!

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Akin could be caught making ritual sacrifice of blond blue-eyed Girl Scouts at the alter of Baal and still get 45% of the vote. This is Missouri, and the President is a blah Muslin who wants to take your guns

    2. actor212

      That poll is probably a day or two early. I expect if they took it Friday, he'd be back even or down a point to McCaskill.

      Certainly when the campaign heats up, she'll beat him over the head with this.

  11. freakishlywrong

    It's the fucking (R). They don't care what these fuckers do or say, as long as there is an (R). And these goatsuckers know it.

    1. actor212

      It's sad that the line between satire and reality has become so blurred. Only that last headline sounds like it legitimately comes from The Onion.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      Given that all life is data, from the genetic sequence required to create proteins in a viable manner within a cell, that signal cellular differentiation, which creates a more complex organism, which then grows increasingly complex and we start to see emergent behaviors, which at some point lead to the creation of a neural net that and non-genetic data channels, like language, which can traverse the generational gap, which leads to things like writing/text/maths, etc. Don't even get me started on Gutenberg and the internet, BNF schema and the lot.
      Given that, The notion that denying 4 cells a placenta Is a greater crime than "Holding a person down, Raping the shiz out of them, and leaving the victim to pay child support for the next few decades" is kind of f-d up.

  12. MinAgain

    Akin's statement was both anti-woman and anti-science. If he'd managed to work "socialism" into it, he'd have hit the Republican Trifecta.

  13. glasspusher

    The true nature of the "Pro Life" movement: "She was just asking for it!"

    Dear Jebus, please bless this knocked up slut, and the innocent child(blastocyst) that has a slut for a mother.

    1. Bezoar

      With their pouty little teasing smiles and the way they stick their breasts and buttocks out at me all the time, they're asking for it alright.

  14. An_Outhouse

    I'm terribly sorry that some of you misinterpreted what I said due to my poor choice of words and were offended.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      I'm terribly sorry that some of you misinterpreted what I said due to my poor choice of words and were offended.


  15. SayItWithWookies

    "Ladies, I'm terribly sorry for saying that if you got pregnant from being raped, that's evidence you enjoyed it. Really, that's not what I meant at all. But you still can't have an abortion."

    1. mavenmaven

      Yeah, he's up for justice against the rapist but he still doesn't give a rat's ass about the victim.

    2. Biff

      Damn–if pregnancy is evidence of enjoyment, why are sales of contraceptives at an all-time high? Why do we (apparently) all hate sex?

  16. mrblifil

    Guys with weird attitudes about rape, and who focus on what is and what is not rape, and who predicate their runs for Senate on how badass they will be against welfare sluts, are probably at the end of a long trail of crying young girls in church basements wondering what Momma's gonna say about the stains on her panties.

    1. glasspusher

      "Have you noticed that most of the women against abortion are the ones you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? There's such balance in nature" – George Carlin

  17. MacRaith

    Yet another case of a Republican waving his arms furiously while chanting, "I did not say the ridiculous thing I said yesterday, and anyone who says I did is lying."

    Sorry, Akin, Star Wars was just a movie and the Jedi Mind Trick doesn't actually work. And even if it did, it would only work on weak-minded people like, oh, YOU, for example.

    1. Incitefully_Joe

      I always thought that was sort of a weird message, since the only examples we have of individuals who resist the Jedi Mind Trick (outside of EU and movie novelizations) are both individuals (and, indeed, species) that are reknowned for being gluttonous hedonists in one case, and indredibly venal and greedy in the other. Humans, Twi-leks, etc. etc. etc. all tend to generally be "weak-minded", but Hutts and Toydarians? Totally the exemplars of being strong-willed, in the Star Wars Universe.

      Chew on that for a little while.

    1. LIT_Fag

      I lived through 11 years of this asshat's reign of terror.
      I've never once thought he was reasonable…or funny.

  18. biraweeyaz

    It's funny when the party that publicly opposes science attempts to use "science" to promote a policy position that a 12 year old human who has a uterus could tell you is fucking absurd.

  19. NYNYNYjr

    This man has suffered enough, can you just let him be Senator now? This has been a very traumatic experience for him and his family.

      1. RadioBowels

        I know BMW, the bigger picture in this is getting missed. I'm sure Ryan, King, Cantor et.al. are glad that he is a "candidate."

        1. BarackMyWorld

          Well, he probably should resign from the House as well as droping out of the race, but stubborness in the face of overwhelming facts is a common attribute for arch-conservatives.

  20. Chichikovovich

    Jesus Murphy* , he's not even actually denying the position! The standard claim from those evil theocrat weasels has been that pregnancy from legitimate (sic) rape is "rare" because of magic body defenses. Numbers like "One in a million" get thrown around. Not that it never happens at all. So now he says "Pregnancy can occur from rape." Which is perfectly consistent with the claim. It remains open for him to wink and whisper to his FRC buddies: "But of course, as we all know, it hardly ever happens."

    "I used the wrong words in the wrong way". We don't care about that. What matters is that you revealed (something that you had revealed before, but not quite so starkly) that you believe some truly preposterous things, which you could only believe if you chose to believe them because they fit in with other hateful, inhumane, immoral attitudes you hold dear. Views which treat victims of rape as nothing more than uncomfortable obstacles – public relations challenges – in your path to enforcing your obsession with women's sexuality on every woman in the country.

    *I would have said Jesus Christ™ but I didn't want the FRC suing me for trademark violation.

  21. scionkirk

    Really? You give Missouri that much credit? You think this guy's supporters didn't know he was a mysogynist creep to begin with? I doubt there will even be a bump in the polls

  22. schvitzatura

    Will mammalian reproductive scientific "facts" get in the way of Akin's biblical "truths"?

    Assuredly so.

  23. ttommyunger

    Misspoke=Accidentally revealed some truth. OT, Stephanie Miller will be sparring with InSannity tonight on his show of the same name. Betting he cuts her mike.

  24. DahBoner

    America needs another politician who isn't afraid to make stupid mistakes and then deny he even made them…

  25. VespulaMaculata

    Cripes, imagine the temper tantrums his live-in, hired help are enduring these days….

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