EDUMACATION  9:28 am August 21, 2012

Romney to Student: He Will Give Her All The Jobs She Could Want

by Kris E. Benson

About a month ago, we informed you that someone had decided to do something about the one trillion dollar loan bubble (student, not mortgage), and by “do something” we meant “commission a report” with all kinds of recommendations that no one (except for maybe a couple bleeding heart liberals) did anything about. So here we are, still chugging along with a trillion dollars in student loan debt, hoping someone somewhere will eventually conclude that maybe this is a problem that should be addressed, and give us a hand by way of, say, revising existing bankruptcy law, or cracking down on predatory lending practices, or addressing the ever-rising costs of college education. Do we hope that this helpful person is Mitt Romney? No, we do not, because he has already essentially advised us that we could have avoided student loans if we had not gone out and gotten more education than we could afford. Even so, a junior at St. Anselm College in Manchester, New Hampshire — at least as of yesterday morning — was still laboring under the impression that Mitt Romney might want to do something about this huge enormous student loan bubble problem that may or may not crash the economy someday soon and asked Romney what he would do to help her, given that she had just taken out student loans of her own. The answer, of course, was: he is going to give her a great job! No really, he said that! Hooray?

The first thing I will do is to make sure we do not keep adding more and more debt you do not even know about. That’s number one. Number two, the next thing I will do for you is to make sure when you graduate, you can get a job. Half of the kids coming out of college this year, half can’t find a job or a job that is consistent with a college degree. It’s unacceptable. We have to make sure young people coming into the work force can get a job.…Now I know it is very tempting as a politician to go out and say, you know what, I’ll just give you some money. The government’s just going to give you some money and pay back your loans for you. I’m not going to tell you something that’s not the truth. Because that is just taking money from your other pocket and giving it to the other pocket. I’m not going to go out and promise all sorts of free stuff that I know you’re going to end up paying for. What I want to do is give you a great job so you will be able to pay back yourself. And I want to get the government off your back so you can keep more of what you earned.

There you have it, students! Don’t worry about the ever-climbing cost of college education because Mitt Romney is going to give you all jobs that pay well and allow you to keep up with all of your normal expenses while simultaneously making payments on, oh $21,000$120,000 in student loans.

[ThinkProgress]

 
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{ 131 comments }

Barb_ August 21, 2012 at 9:33 am

Make sure you have your passport updated if you think Mitt Romney is going to give you a job. The commute to Dongguan, China is hell from Manchester, New Hampshire.

ahnc August 21, 2012 at 9:46 am

Mitt cashed in his beloved stock to pay for his college and all students should do the same.
Student loan debt problem solved.

MoeDeLawn August 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm

"Mitt cashed in his beloved stock to pay for his college "

I hate to bother you with this, but buying the college isn't the same as paying tuition to attend a college.

SorosBot August 21, 2012 at 10:02 am

Don't worry, soon the jobs will come back to the US; once the minimum wage is "reformed" to $0 and employers no longer have to provide benefits or maintain decent working standards. Then we can all experience the joy of sewing shirts for 10¢ an hour, 14 hours a day, right here in America!

SnarkOff August 21, 2012 at 10:22 am

I hear the Triangle factory is hiring.

Gleem McShineys August 21, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Ann Romney is supporting the shirt-waste industry.

samsuncle August 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

If Romney is elected he will personally give every American a hand job.

elviouslyqueer August 21, 2012 at 9:40 am

DO NOT WANT.

I would not, however, turn down a handjob from Paul Ryan. Only I'd have to swat Reince Priebus out of the way first.

Ruhe August 21, 2012 at 9:56 am

I'm no psychiatrist but I believe the condition of believing that someone else is constantly interfering with your sex life is called dementia priebus.

Preferred Customer August 21, 2012 at 9:40 am

He is going to move his hand from one pocket to the other.

misantropo August 21, 2012 at 9:45 am

So R/R 2012 can also mean Reach aRound…

Schmannnity August 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

Arbeit macht education frei.

thatsitfortheother1 August 21, 2012 at 10:05 am

Nur in Romneywitz-Birkenau.

mrblifil August 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

I got fried often when I was being "educated."

Nibbler of Niblonia August 21, 2012 at 9:35 am

entry level jobs "consistent with a college degree" aren't consistent with an average cost of living in a lot of areas. how about incentives for employers to start hiring college graduates at a decent salary? tax breaks for small business for every % over the average cost of living in their region?

more and more college students in this generation are going to have their lifetime earnings stunted by taking low-paying entry level positions during this bad economy. because what you make in your first job correlates to what you make throughout your entire career.

and what about regulating the interest banks can charge on student loans? that wouldn't be "giving you money from the government."

Katydid August 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

Giving Mittens a tax break so he pays no taxes will create jerbs. Somehow, some way, don't ask them how, they don't wanna say.

ttommyunger August 21, 2012 at 9:36 am

"The Country still needs ditch-diggers and burger flippers, my child; and if things get really bad, just sell some stock, like Ann and I had to do once in college to get by, or better yet, have your parents loan you $20K and start your own business." – Mitt "I feel your pain" R'Money.

PsycWench August 21, 2012 at 9:36 am

Does this job involve his horse, his lawn, or his Cadillacs?

elviouslyqueer August 21, 2012 at 9:43 am

I'm sure Ann can find some room in the stable for this chick to be Rafalca's Executive Custodian of Equestrian Defecation.

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:54 am

Ah, the Privy Council!

Preferred Customer August 21, 2012 at 10:51 am

Executive? Come on, man. You don't start at the top. You start at the bottom. She might be able to get an internship on the defecation team, but it would almost certainly be unpaid. Dealing with that much horseshit, though…that experience is priceless, in that it has no worth.

Pat_Pending August 21, 2012 at 11:44 am

Nah, the messicans got those gigs already.

Veritas78 August 21, 2012 at 8:19 pm

"I'm running for office for Pete's sake, we can't have illegals"—actual quote by guess who.

Pat_Pending August 21, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Trust me, there are messicans. RAFLAC lives in Moorpark, CA. Messicans are the glue that holds the equestrian community together. Mittens can just pretend he had no idea, and besides, this is Anne's thing, he has no CLUE about dressage or 7-11 or… whatever.

Dr_Zoidberg August 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

Well, someone has to wax all those cars! And at minimum wage, too.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 21, 2012 at 10:32 am

Pfft. He'd make them internships.

SorosBot August 21, 2012 at 10:33 am

And I'm sure a car elevator required periodic maintenance!

BoatOfVelociraptors August 21, 2012 at 10:31 am

He even outsourced the horse.

Rafalca is 15-year old mare with "a milk chocolate coat, raven tail and white socks above three of her hooves." She is an Oldenburg horse, a warmblood horse breed from the north-western corner of Lower Saxony. She was born in Menslage in Germany in 1997, and bred by Erwin Risch.[4][5]
Rafalca's sire was Argentinus, a Hanoverian jumping stallion, and mother, Ratine (an Oldenburg).[6] Her damsire was Rubinstein, also a dressage horse.[4][7]

ChillBill August 21, 2012 at 9:37 am

Of course she would get a job; those beers at the country club are not gonna pour themselves.

FraAnima August 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

And failing that, she could sell flowers from a cart outside the country club gate.

Just you wait, Willard Romney, just you wait.

jodyleek August 21, 2012 at 10:11 am

And, in the dead of winter, she could sell matches on the street. I hear that job is to-die-for.

FraAnima August 21, 2012 at 10:22 am

That story always makes me cry…

LocalGirlMakesGoo August 21, 2012 at 9:38 am

Romney understands that he's talking to an American audience, right?

PsycWench August 21, 2012 at 9:38 am

and then Romney revealed his plan to make military service mandatory for every new college graduate.

Schmannnity August 21, 2012 at 9:58 am

Excepting his sons and grandchildren, of course.

EatsBabyDingos August 21, 2012 at 9:39 am

University of Chik-Fil-A jobs for everybody!

Baconzgood August 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

Not gays.

Beowoof August 21, 2012 at 9:39 am

The job for you missy is scrubbing toilets for rich guys like me. Now there is the brush and the lysol, hop to it honey or Conseula will be invited back from Mexico.

kittensdontlie August 21, 2012 at 10:43 am

Displacing mexicans and Newt's school children of another color from the Chinese-made toilets of America, is not a workable solution.

Mojopo August 21, 2012 at 9:39 am

How much is he paying for a car elevator operator?

FlyOverGirl August 21, 2012 at 9:40 am

I bet it's at Mitten's next Bain Capital, then…blammo!

of course, Mitten will always need a car elevator operator.

Estproph August 21, 2012 at 9:40 am

Mitt's giving everyone a snow job.

UW8316154 August 21, 2012 at 9:55 am

I first read that as "Mitt's giving everyone a blow job"….my bad.

Estproph August 21, 2012 at 10:05 am

Well, it certainly blows!

StarsUponThars August 21, 2012 at 10:26 am

actually, it's more like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSB7QpldGTQ

mavenmaven August 21, 2012 at 9:40 am

college graduates are "kids"?
And he will "keep government off your back" by letting the loan companies f@#$ you up the @$$.

SorosBot August 21, 2012 at 9:44 am

These old bastards probably consider anyone under 40 to be a "kid".

Remember, these are Baby Booms – "60 is the new 30!" and such bullshit.

An_Outhouse August 21, 2012 at 9:57 am

Thanks to Viagra, you don't need to retire until you're at least 80.

ChernobylSoup August 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

A nifty estate tax, with the revenue used to lower the cost of higher education, would be absolutely absurd, wouldn't it?

Ruhe August 21, 2012 at 9:53 am

Absolutely absurd. As is the heretical notion that maybe the "job creators" aren't necessarily waiting for some new lower tax rate before they go out and create those jobs. Maybe they're not waiting at all. Maybe they like it fine just the way it is. The economy, that is. Despite the employment numbers it's undeniable that the people who make real money are making a lot of it so they might welcome some new tax breaks but they may not be interested in rushing out and expanding their businesses just yet.

Katydid August 21, 2012 at 10:14 am

Death Tax Libel!!1!!

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

Working three jobs, how uniquely American!

Rosie_Scenario August 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

Thanks for that W. flashback.

Preferred Customer August 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

"You are unable to find a job? Are there no work houses?"

FraAnima August 21, 2012 at 9:45 am

Are there no debtor prisons?

Katydid August 21, 2012 at 10:17 am

If there were, the entire Congress would be in it. Hmmm…not a bad idea.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 21, 2012 at 9:41 am

If the GOP had their way we would all have so many "jobs" that we would be laboring 20 hours a day, seven days a week until we die from exhaustion. That would keep us from causing so much trouble and getting all uppity and demanding abortions and clean water and stuff. Plus no more medicare or social security problems as we would all be dead from our numerous, backbreaking jobs by the age of 35.

EatsBabyDingos August 21, 2012 at 9:42 am

In elementary school, Romney was called Richard Hertz by his friends. They would laugh when the sub would say "who's Dick Hertz," and Mitt would always raise his hand.

Chet Kincaid_ August 21, 2012 at 10:22 am

What?

SoBeach August 21, 2012 at 9:42 am

I’m not going to go out and promise all sorts of free stuff…

…I'm just going to promise you miracle jobs that the job creators will start handing out the day I take office.

deanbooth August 21, 2012 at 9:42 am

To paraphrase, "You want a job, right?"

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:42 am

Number two, the next thing I will do for you is to make sure when you graduate, you can get a job.

Just remember, folks! You heard it from Romney himself. Jobs are number two.

Maybe that's why he keeps flushing them to other countries?

BoatOfVelociraptors August 21, 2012 at 10:36 am

Bravo! Capital is job #1. May it trickle upon thee.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 21, 2012 at 9:43 am

Mittens can't give himself blowjobs, so get to work!

Misty Malarky August 21, 2012 at 10:13 am

If someone would take on the job of teaching him to do just that we'd never see him again.

James Michael Curley August 21, 2012 at 10:15 am

I think you are wrong on that assumption. The problem with auto fellatio, for most people, is they have a spine; a problem Mitt does not share.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 21, 2012 at 10:38 am

I was going to say, Mittens IS known for his flexibility.

SorosBot August 21, 2012 at 9:43 am

And Mitt, how are you supposed to create jobs without spending government money, and with lower taxes and thus less revenue? spending money is how the government fucking creates job, you moron.

He doesn't know anything about the economy or how money works, does he?

ChernobylSoup August 21, 2012 at 9:47 am

You have to reckon his admin will need an army of lawyers and linguists, what with all the new definitions of rape. That's a start.

An_Outhouse August 21, 2012 at 9:55 am

He knows how money works. You're born with it, you dummy. Then you make friends with foreign oligarchs, out source some jobs, send the money to the Caymans. That's how money works.

SorosBot August 21, 2012 at 9:58 am

And being born with the money makes you a better, more worthy person than all those peons without it, somehow.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 21, 2012 at 10:43 am

He knows exactly how it works. By increasing the perks of wealth and creating a larger gap between the owners and the striving people, you get more labor out of your workers, which you cash in on, and become more wealthy. In other words, income gaps equal free money for owners, who buy politicians to make more perks.

Neo Feudalism.

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:44 am

I’m not going to go out and promise all sorts of free stuff…

Why not? It worked for Matthew Lesko.

elviouslyqueer August 21, 2012 at 9:45 am

Wait. This sounds suspiciously like SOCIALISMZ!

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:46 am

Cash for Clunkers was Obama's gig.

Jobs for Poon will be Romney's platform.

SnarkOff August 21, 2012 at 9:46 am

Two words: Sister Wife.

EatsBabyDingos August 21, 2012 at 9:46 am

Dusty, tired platitudes are people too, my friend.

FraAnima August 21, 2012 at 9:48 am

So, Willard, if I understand what you're saying, we should spend a bunch of money that we don't currently have with the understanding that it will better our financial situation in the long run. Sort of a stimulus spending plan? Or is the only stimulus you propose the one you get from your magic underpants?

Steverino247 August 21, 2012 at 9:48 am

Is there a promotion involved?

Cough. Yeah, after five years they give you a brush.

Ruhe August 21, 2012 at 9:49 am

Borrow now and earn more money later to cover the loan. How you gonna earn more…who knows!? But you will! Will the cost of education keep going up!? Who knows!? But that's not a problem because the jobs of the future will pay even more! We'll all pay no taxes…we'll all have great jobs…we'll all win!

Mitt's plan is either an argument for hyper-inflation or its a thinly veiled ponzi scheme. Or maybe it's the sort of combination of both that a pretentious moron would come up with.

calliecallie August 21, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Amway!

Allmighty_Manos August 21, 2012 at 9:50 am

If Romney managed to get elected, he would be the first president to come to office without any grace period of public goodwill. His public ratings would hit the toilet by Feb 1.

fuflans August 21, 2012 at 10:45 am

take that sentiment back immediately.

comrad_darkness August 21, 2012 at 9:50 am

Um, Mitt, dude, your buddies in industry are sitting on 6 trillion in cash because they love counting that filthy filthy money way more than they like hiring people.

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

Because that is just taking money from your other pocket and giving it to the other pocket.

Somebody broke the MittBot…

mbobier August 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

"Because that is just taking money from your other pocket and giving it to the other pocket." My pockets HATE it when that happens!

DahBoner August 21, 2012 at 11:29 am

Silly Robot! They have no pockets, only access panels for maintenence…

Baconzgood August 21, 2012 at 9:52 am

Unrelated to this post.

Sucks for Baconz today. He haz teh influenza and HAS to attend work because there are clients that are stupid and need their hand held to cross the street. It's going to be a tough day with the throw up and diarrhea and looking green with my fever of 102F. Baconz needs a shot of cognac, some chicken soup and 60ccs of morphine. But if I'm at work I'll snark on Wonkette. I'm a trooper.

(this comment is 100% snark free)

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:53 am

Get back at them.

Forget to wipe.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 21, 2012 at 10:07 am

Whatever you do, don't wash your hands. That'll teach em!

Baconzgood August 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

I sneezed in my hand then shook the hand of the Japanese man. He was pretty pissed the Japanese are really weird about cleanliness. I still have to go to the airport and pick up 2 more clients at 3. I think I'm gonna nap in my office for a bit.

MoeDeLawn August 21, 2012 at 3:56 pm

G H W Bush had a similar situation; I forget how that was resolved… but you might want to check it out.

mrblifil August 21, 2012 at 10:09 am

Your humor truly is infectious.

viennawoods13 August 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm

If it's throwing up and the other yucks it's not influenza; that's upper respiratory tract. You, sir, have a norovirus, probably. Which is horrible and I feel sorry for you, but on the other hand, when I have one of those I feel marvellously thin afterwards.

emmelemm August 21, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Hope you reel the clients in, then go home and go to bed.

UnholyMoses August 21, 2012 at 9:52 am

"All you need to do to get that job is be born to a rich daddy who gives you several millions bucks to start your own company. So if you have that, you'll be able to pay back those loans. If not, tough shit," Romney later said to his campaign aides, and they all laughed and laughed.

More seriously: This guy is to empathy what Charles Manson is to … well, empathy.

An_Outhouse August 21, 2012 at 9:53 am

1) Some of my best friends are for-profit-on-line-diploma-mills.
2) ??
3) Profit!!

SorosBot August 21, 2012 at 9:54 am

Why aren't those "kids" just borrowing $20,000 from their parents to start a business?

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:55 am

Kidz these days…

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 9:55 am

Shorter Romney: "I baked a jawb for u, but I eated it"

thatsitfortheother1 August 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

Can I haz jobburger?

Chichikovovich August 21, 2012 at 9:55 am

I'm glad Romney gave a speech at St. Anselm College, so we could find out what the fool sayeth in his heart.

UW8316154 August 21, 2012 at 9:58 am

I hear there are openings for Legitimacy Of Rape Allegation evaluators in Missourah.

x111e7thst August 21, 2012 at 9:59 am

If she is cute she can work at a lesbian/bondage themed strip club. Young Republicans sometimes tip well.

mrblifil August 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

She can even work from her own home!

MacRaith August 21, 2012 at 10:00 am

Yes, we'll all have jobs on Lord Romney's estate, or on the estates of one of his fellow rich guys. That's the plan – reimplement feudalism. Because, you know, divine right and all that. Enjoy life as a serf, folks.

Preferred Customer August 21, 2012 at 10:53 am

According to every episode of Downton Abbey I've ever seen, that looks like a pretty good gig. What are you complaining about?

MonkeyMotion August 21, 2012 at 10:02 am

Or, maybe Mittens can have us attack Iran…yeah, that's the ticket! We'll need more troops, more guns, bombs, flags, missiles, tanks, lapel pins, POW camps, bumper stickers. Shit, there'll be great American jobs coming out this poor little girl's butt. (Freedom ain't free, right?)

USA, USA, USA, USA…

PubOption August 21, 2012 at 10:52 am

But these foreign excursions (sounds better than invasions) are not budgeted items, so they will be creating more debt we don't know about.

thatsitfortheother1 August 21, 2012 at 10:02 am

Howja like to make 14 bucks the hard way?

Baconzgood August 21, 2012 at 10:04 am

I got my Masters. This doesn't effect me so why should I care. In fact, they want to give me another intern this year.

actor212 August 21, 2012 at 10:11 am

They feed me interns all the time. I keep telling them no, that I'm full, but they look so delicious.

I'm worried they'll give me a dinner mint soon.

jodyleek August 21, 2012 at 10:06 am

Mitt, you've been "unemployed" for years now, allegedly. And, now you are going to help people find jobs? That's rich!

DahBoner August 21, 2012 at 11:41 am

"Don't be like me, kids"

mrblifil August 21, 2012 at 10:07 am

Look at our MItt, he's all growed up! He isn't telling students to "sit IN" anymore. Instead he wants to give them great jobs. Like he does up and down the Utah highway rest stops when he goes to visit his "constituents" (pool boys).

eggsacklywright August 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

I left my snark on the dresser last night. Woke up this morning and it was gone.

BZ1 August 21, 2012 at 10:13 am

Wow, the specifics of the R*Money plan are dazzling!! (Note the sarcasm)

MinAgain August 21, 2012 at 10:23 am

Those grapes don't peel themselves, you know.

ph7 August 21, 2012 at 10:29 am

Student's new t-shirt:

"I Spent Four Years at St. Anselm College and All I Got Was a Lousy Job as Ann's Dressage Trainer"

fuflans August 21, 2012 at 10:45 am

i am so goddamned sick of fucking job creators.

calliecallie August 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Dressage trainer is the promotion she will get in 5-10 years. The entry level job is mucking out the stalls.

AddHomonym August 21, 2012 at 11:01 am

Because that is just taking money from your other pocket and giving it to the other pocket.

It took me years and years to pay back my student loans. Who knew the money was in my pocket the whole time? Who knew!

BerkeleyBear August 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

Well, see, Mitt can't understand this person's situation. In his world, that debt to assets ratio would just allow the students to leverage themselves to take over the education and job of someone else, hollow out their remaining ambitions and dreams in the form of "fees" to pay off the initial debt, then make that person declare bankruptcy.

DahBoner August 21, 2012 at 11:27 am

A great job–making White People "tacos" for Mexican Robot maintenance workers…

Naked_Bunny August 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

Yeah, promising a great job is so much more realistic and honest than promising money, especially while you're planning to cut the economy off at the knees.

elgin_pelican August 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Pipe down, or I'll buy the company your dad works for!"

calliecallie August 21, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"Because that is just taking money from your other pocket and giving it to the other pocket. "

Isn't that what Mitt used to do at Bain Capital? Tax free?

wondering where i am August 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm

No, you take money from the other pocket, use it to take out billions in loans with other people as guarantors, then put the billions in the other other pocket.

whatupirondog August 21, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Hey, everybody! We're all gonna get employed!

*cheers*

CthuNHu August 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm

You know who else promised to give someone a great job?

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm

The $1 Trillion dollar student loan debt is like an asteroid, that caused the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event, rapidly approaching Earth. Will the politicians do something to prevent a national financial disaster of epic proportion? No! Politicians are just like dinosaurs, to slow and even fail to adapt to address a preventable disaster.

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