we don't need no rape kits let that m*****f***** burn

Todd Akin Explains ‘Legitimate Rape’ To Mike Huckabee With Wheelchairs And 9/11

he will save you from burningYesterday, Rep. Todd Akin, who is the GOP nominee for the US Senate in Missouri, made a comment declaring that women who experienced “legitimate rape” could not get pregnant.

Today, Man-Who-Used-To-Be-Skinny Mike Huckabee had Akin on his show to handhold him through a damage control interview. About two minutes in, Huckabee asks Akin if he meant “forcible rape” rather than “legitimate rape,” which Akin flop-sweats into agreement with. (Why “forcible rape” changes the nature of the vagina, I do not know, but I am sadly not the expert that a sitting Congressman is.)

After a while, Huckabee asks Akin whether he expected more support through this tough time, and this is when Akin’s Giuliani brain kicks in and goes buck fucking wild (starts at 8:08):

Well, I understand from watching other people who’ve made mistakes that, you know, nobody wants to own your mistake. And I don’t think anybody should. And that’s why I’m apologizing for what I did wrong. And so, on the other hand, there are certain basic principles that we believe in, and that I’m just completely committed to, and that is the fact that people and that life are teremendously valuable. That’s what’s made America such unique country — it’s because we believe that life is something that comes from our Creator. We’re made in his image, and all across America you see Americans that have a respect for life. It’s not a political debate, it’s not words, it’s how they live their lives.

I remember September 11th, the rescue workers running into the buildings that’s about to collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair, pick em up – they don’t check their IDs to see whether they’re important or not  - they just take them to safety and run back for more. They by their lives speak as Americans of what we think about the value of human beings and how much respect we hold people with and also people who’ve been victimized, how we hurt with them and try to care for them and try to love them. And that’s the very special thing about our country. That’s what we have at risk right now. And that’s what – we have to defend that.

Akin just wants to save babies from terror-rapists who, unlike real Americans, ASK FOR ID’S before saving you from burning buildings. Let’s try to love and defend wheelchair fetuses, friends. Let’s.

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301 comments

  1. bumfug

    It's all science – after a forcible rape, "Your lady parts will just snap shut like a Venus Fly Trap, digestive juices handle the rest."

    1. Tundra Grifter

      "It's all just science…" Well, you just lost the entire Republican Party right there!

    2. anniegetyerfun

      I would like to take a moment to wish that such a thing were an option just as a forcible rape is taking place.

    3. kittensdontlie

      True Bible fact: The Venus fly trap was the first plant created in Eden.

      True Wonkette bible fact: When god died, evolution took over. The 'plant' developed a means for locomotion,etc and hocus pocus abracadabra…woman was created.

    4. SorosBot

      It's fundie "science"; if a rape was "legitimate" and the victim really deserving; in other words either a virgin or wife and mothers who has only had sex with one man; then god will use his magic powers to make them not get pregnant. Unless the rape baby is his will, in which case it's actually a blessing!

      This is what Christians actually believe.

      1. UW8316154

        That is why the aryan love child is God's blessed angel, even IF wine coolers were involved.

      2. BerkeleyBear

        No, this is what dumbass evangelicals believe. They also think that because God saved Noah (ensuring that incest would be necessary to repopulate the earth) climate change is nothing to worry about and marrying your sister is okay sometimes.

        Plenty of Christians are pro-choice and abhor all violence against women. Just like most Catholic women use birth control that doesn't involve rythmic guessing, no matter what the US Conference of Bishops thinks.

  2. Clancy_Pants

    "I remember September 11th, the rescue workers running into the buildings that’s about to collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair, pick em up – they don’t check their IDs to see whether they’re important or not"

    What has this go to do with rape? Seems like an argument against Republican efforts at voter ID laws? RINO!

    1. weejee

      What has this go to do with rape? Seems like an argument against Republican efforts at voter ID laws? RINO!

      Ear rape is what we got this morning. Todd Akin is just a Q-Tip loaded with ear wax.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      CP:

      He's channeling Duh Gov' – half remembering the talking points, so he just tosses the word salad.

  3. bumfug

    It's all so confusing – like Bill O'Reilly says, "Weenie goes in, baby comes out; who can explain it?"

  4. Wadisay

    Mitt Romney is going to consult with his woman expert Ann to get his position straight on this. Good luck with that.

    1. JustPixelz

      Romney disavowed Akin's remarks, if not Akin himself. At least now we know what level of debasing rhetoric it takes to get Romney to take a stand.

      1. Negropolis

        He wouldn't have used those same words, is what it is. I mean, his running mate has the same policy position as Akin, which is parsing the legal definition of rape.

  5. marconidarwin

    I remember September 11th, the rescue workers running into the buildings that’s about to collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair, pick em up – they don’t check their IDs to see whether they’re important or not

    Wonder where that was. Besides, we're talking about the twin towers, wasn't everyone in there important? C'mon, we do not start bombing countries because some unimportant people on welfare were harmed.

    1. JustPixelz

      The story I heard was that a man stayed to help his wheelchair-bound co-worker get out. The guy in the wheelchair told him to save himself, but the man said he could not in good conscience just leave. They both died when the buildings collapsed.

      It was not a rescue worker. And they weren't strangers. But it was very brave.

  6. Tundra Grifter

    "Forcible" rape was another GNoP serious error – from memory that was 12 or so months ago. The "conservatives" tried to get the law changed. That just might have been the opening shot in the Republican War on Women.

    2.0: Yep – it was about a year ago. And this latest gaffe isn't going to do Paul RAyn any good:
    http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/08/19/71225

    1. weejee

      Tundra, the Rethugs are simply trying to distinguish between a blah man raping a flower of the Confederacy in Birmingham, AL and a gang bang by some good ol' boyz in New Bedford, MA.. They have a sad because we at the Wonkette do not have the brains or sophistication to see the clear difference. Gang banging by some rednecked stallions isn't forcible rape, so God's vagina sayz none babies.

    2. miss_grundy

      I think it's time that both Paul Ryan and this Akin asshat suffered forcible rape…and not with votes either. We need a posse in this country to use whatever is at hand and stick it up these clowns buttholes and ask them if they like it. Since they're Repubs they probably would.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        I thought we didn't support the culture of life once they were born and in need of wheelchairs. They don't need no education. Or school breakfast / lunch programs. #WasillaCityCouncil

  7. Tequila Mockingbird

    What's even scarier is that this buffoon serves on the House Committee of Science, Space and Technology.

    This is exactly why American is slipping behind other countries.

    1. weejee

      This is exactly why American is slipping behind other countries.

      This is why we need moar science text books from Bob Jones(in') University <not>.

      1. sewollef

        Especially the parts about how the KKK were a community outreach organization, or domestic terrorists, I can't remember which. And that's why I need moar education.

      2. glasspusher

        That's why we need more schooling for more students for More Science High…and we're not afraid of it, are we?

        1. SigDeFlyinMonky

          I'm going to cut the soles off of my shoes live in a tree and learn to play the flute.

    2. glasspusher

      Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Maybe his expertise is in the "Space" part of it, since taking up it is probably the only thing for which he's qualified?

      Nice catch, Tequila…

  8. SorosBot

    "They by their lives speak as Americans of what we think about the value of human beings and how much respect we hold people with and also people who’ve been victimize"

    Unlike you, who think people who have been victimized by rape have no value and should be further punished by being forced to go through with the pregnancy and give birth to the rapist's child against their will. You have absolutely no respect for human beings if they have a vagina, you vile sack of shit.

    1. shelwood46

      In my 25 years as a firefighter, I can't seem to recall any cases where firefighters rescued a fetus from a building and left the woman behind. Guess that makes firefighters better than Rep. Akin.

      Also, too, I have seen many derpy libertarians push for fire departments to be funded solely by insurance rather than any tax money, which would, in fact, create a situation where firefighters would have to ask for ID before saving people. (They also seem unaware that fire departments do a lot more than put out house fires, but, whatever.)

  9. Serolf_Divad

    Also, the human body has ways of protecting itself fromn bullets if you didn't really want to get shot in the first place. That's pretty much why Abortion should be illegal and gun control abolished. No one gets hurt who wasn't looking for it/didn't deserve it.

    1. Callyson

      Now that you mention it, if they don't want to get aborted, don't those fetuses have ways of protecting themselves?

  10. comrad_darkness

    No one is the "expert" that a sitting congressman is. Otherwise they'd be unemployable and starving under a bridge somewhere.

  11. BornInATrailer

    Good thing he's not running a legitimate campaign and the voting body has ways to just shut that whole thing down. Punishment ought to be on the candidate, not the electorate.

    1. foxypuppet

      Do you want to be the one to tell someone on the House Committee of Science, Space and Technology that he can't get to China that way?

  12. Goonemeritus

    The Congressman is exactly like a selfless rescue worker running towards a burning building. The only differences are instead of running he is spewing hate and instead of a burning building he has set fire to any hope of ever holding elected office again.

    1. miss_grundy

      But isn't he running for office in a STUPID state? And the stupid are the majority in Missouri, so do you really think there are any intelligent people in the state that will initiate a verbal smackdown in the form of political ads that show this bonehead as a complete asshat? And do you believe that said political ads will help the stupid see reason? Do you really think Repubs can think???????

  13. HempDogbane

    The Huckster didn't want to get all technical and explain that it's the copper in the penny that is no longer between the knees that has the contraceptive effect.

  14. comrad_darkness

    "it’s how they live their lives."

    By brandishing semi-automatics, screaming for the death penalty, and kicking 40 million poor kids off their 30cent free lunches.

  15. SorosBot

    And guess what, fucknuts, your "mistake" wasn't the "legitimate rape" comment, saying "forcible" instead means the exact same thing, when rape is rape, whether forcible or not, and the truly evil part is the fundamental belief that women should not be able to control their own bodies. Then you start rambling nonsense about the sanctity of human life which is completely irrelevant since a fetus is not a fucking human being, while women are, moran.

  16. actor212

    That’s what’s made America such unique country — it’s because we believe that life is something that comes from our Creator. We’re made in his image, and all across America you see Americans that have a respect for life.

    Ummmmmmmm, hey Todd? You know, America was not around when God did that whole "Genesis/Garden of Eden" thingie…

    1. PsycWench

      I wonder if this guy is aware of all the Catholic countries in Europe? You know, that religion that is always going on and on about life?

      1. rickmaci

        "it’s because we believe that life is something that comes from our Creator. We’re made in his image,"

        They only mouth these words but don't really mean them because by the relentless manner this guy and his wingnutz friends malign and dehumanize the President, they clearly do not believe the President was made in God's image.

    2. bobbert

      You know, I didn't even notice this the first time through, because the asshole is such a repugnant pile of aborted feces, but this is a guy my age, who went to a legitimate (SWIDT?) college, and he is describing America as being specially unique.

      So he's an illiterate repugnant pile of rotting rat dicks.

  17. Tequila Mockingbird

    At the 1:37 mark, this asshole actually utters the words “I even know some women who have been raped.”

    1. marconidarwin

      On a real news network the followup would have been: "Yes, but do you know any black women who have been raped?"

    2. miss_grundy

      Oh boy, that's like saying "I even know some black people, so you know I can't be a racist." Oh frack this shite already. I've had enough of stupid white men thinking they know everything. Where's Soledad O'Brien, I bet she could shut this asshat up in a couple of seconds and perhaps make him cry.

  18. Texan_Bulldog

    WTF's the difference between “forcible rape” and “legitimate rape”? These people….I swear.

    1. Gleem McShineys

      Is "unforcible" a word? Is it "non-forcible"? What exactly is the converse, here?

      And what do you call it when one is constantly raping logic and reason?

    1. orygoon

      NO. "Just close your eyes and think of the good that might come of this violation and panic (I was almost raped once and I figured I was going to end up dead in the ditch, so I couldn't rat the guy out. I also heard someone screaming in the loudest, most terrified Hollywood style. After a couple of minutes I realized–you guessed it–that it was me)–you might end up with the blessing of an adorable little babby girl or boy!"

      If I'd had that advice, maybe I would have just quietly done what the wannabe-rapist said, and he wouldn't have chickened out (and apologized, no less–after beating me!), and maybe I'd have a bigger family, Win all around? I think I want Akin to die slowly, and screaming. That's allowed, is it not?

  19. KathrynSane

    Somehow, it still manages to amaze me how many politicians openly despise the 50% of the country with a vagina. They do realize we're allowed to vote now, right?

    1. marconidarwin

      Only for now. When they win the 2012 elections, that historical mistake will be corrected. Remember the same crowd openly despise 100% of the country with a darker skin tone. That is being taken care of now.

      So give them a break, they are not good at multi-tasking.

    2. MittBorg

      It's not just politicians, m'dear. You'd be amazed at how many heterosexual men in this country despise women and everything about them. *Despise* them.

  20. Baconzgood

    Rape: compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.

    ALL FUCKING RAPE IS FORCIBLE COCK SUCKERS. THAT'S THE DEFINITION OF RAPE!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Callyson

    I remember September 11th

    HOW fucking long are the Reeps going to keep pimping 9.11 every time they need a political boost?

    Asshole.

    1. miss_grundy

      Just because they "remember" September 11th, doesn't mean they "understand" what happened on September 11th.

    2. yrbmegr

      How long are they going to keep getting elected to office when they demonstrate, every day, that they are a sub-species?

  22. ChernobylSoup

    Dude's on the committee that oversees NASA. We're lucky Mars Curiosity didn't land in Uganda with a mission to learn their way of treating women.

    1. Terry

      Now, imagine you are a government scientist trying to explain why your work is important to a member of Congress.

    2. BoatOfVelociraptors

      KSSH This is Mission Control from the Senate science and space subcommittee. The reports indicate that the landing module for the raper unit “Legitimate” has begun its descent.
      KSSH
      Now from here the temperature rises to an unbearable amount as heat from the press adds up.
      KSSH
      Next stage of descent, PR flacks at Republican Mission control center back in DC will jettison the useless heat shield and deploy the raper “Legitimate”’s parachute consultants to slow the descent.
      Kssh
      Now the skycrane of male privilege should lower the “Legitimate” gently to the ground.
      KSSH
      Oh no, the spin control unit on the skycrane has malfunctioned!
      Teams at the McCaskill Control center Cheer with joy!!
      Raper “Legitimate” has hit rock bottom.
      The electoral observation unit “538” confirms that there is a debris field.

    1. mavenmaven

      That guy is one sick mo-fu. I mean this very seriously. He's reviving that medieval myth that birth confirms that the woman wanted it or enjoyed it. I'd say we test the hypothesis that if he bends over after a swift kick in the balls, that means he enjoyed it, and we should do it a few more times for his entertainment.

      1. miss_grundy

        No, he should have a dildo, a really large dildo, forcibly thrust into his anus and have the person thrusting it move it around. If he is aroused by this in any way that will confirm that he wanted it or enjoyed it. And then we can let all his friends and neighbors know that he gets off on it. Kinky asshat!

        /fixed

      2. viennawoods13

        And reviving it as if it was a fact, which I cannot comprehend. Just because some dickhead, without the benefit of modern science around wrote it in 1685 or whatever, THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE!! Fuckwad.

      1. miss_grundy

        Really? I wonder how many women had sex with their husbands and didn't enjoy it 'cause mister wanted to do it the same way all the time and they were bored out of their minds and they still got pregnant? Any takers????? Any at all???????

  23. freakishlywrong

    The truly awful part? This fucknut will probably still win. Y'know, the "base" and all..

    1. Billmatic

      He was only up a point to begin with, it's expected to have a George Allen effect.

      Even Republican women know this is bullshit, they just may be scared to say so.

  24. mrpuma2u

    Comb-over nimrod Akin doesn't realize that the fact he is a member of Congress makes several people renounce the existence of a "Creator" every day. I hope he is stupid and prideful enough to stay in the race, and hand the seat to McCaskill on a platter. What a moron.

  25. comrad_darkness

    "the rescue workers running into the buildings"

    Watch it, guy. Those were union workers. Mixed political messages! Time for another apology.

      1. jesus_vs_gojira

        Legitimate emergency responders don't get cancer. The body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

  26. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The problem is, sure, you won't get pregnant from legitimate rape, but do you know how much paperwork you have to do to make it legitimate? If Republicans really want to make a difference, they should launch a "Rape Paperwork Reduction" act to prove they want to help women.

  27. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I remember September 11th, the rescue workers running into the buildings that’s about to collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair, pick em up – they don’t check their IDs to see whether they’re important or not – they just take them to safety and run back for more.

    And then forcibly raped them?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      That's EXACTLY what I was thinking, and I was so glad that someone else was twisted enough to read the same thing.

    2. Gleem McShineys

      Oh, but here, see… Maybe they were unconscious, so the rape was somehow … "non-forcible"?

      WHAT THE FUCK

  28. ManchuCandidate

    It's his sad reaction that he can't shake the fact that he really really really really fucked up and won't shut the fuck up instead just keeps digging that hole deeper and deeper.

    Angry white Teabaggers should be seen (not really) and definitely not heard.

  29. Beowoof

    That this man has a college degree and sits in Congress should be an embarrassment for all of us. That he contributes in anyway to the discussion on science is even more frightening. These fools prey on the goobers for their votes and then rape them with the budget all so they can buy another house. I don't know what to make of my country anymore. Our most liberal time was brought about by the generation who survived the depression and WW II, their children who are now running things are spoiled self-indulgent brats who feel entitled and everyone else can fuck themselves.

    1. miss_grundy

      What college did he get his degree from? One of those paid schools like University of Phoenix or some such?? Bob Jones University? Liberty University? Newt University??? Glen Beck U??????

      1. bobbert

        Worcester Polytechnic Institute, which is actually a decently-regarded school.

        Mildly interesting bits of info:

        1. Akin is a few months older than I, which means he should have graduated HS in 1965. He is shown as Class of 1971 at WPI, which suggests good student-deferment skillz.

        2A. His congresscritter website says: "After graduation, he served as an officer in the U.S. Army with the Army Combat Engineers at Fort Belvoir in Alexandria, Virginia. He received an honorable discharge from the Army Reserves in 1980. Todd spent four years as an engineer with IBM. He later moved into corporate management at Laclede Steel." Which makes it sound like he was in the Army for eight years.

        2B. However, his Senatorial campaign bio makes it pretty clear that he served about one year of active duty, and then worked for IBM for four years and then Laclede Steel from 1977, while in the inactive reserve.

        3. He got his Master of Divinity in 1984 from Covenant Theological Seminary, which is the primary theological center of the "Presbyterian Church in America", which is (surprise) the conservative version of Presbyterianism. Handily, it's located in St Louis.

        4. In addition to his opposition to abortion, he has also generated a bill to allow servicemembers, and in particular chaplains, to freely express, while on duty, their hatred for homosexuality. This is "freedom of religion".

  30. mavenmaven

    "We love victimized people so much in our America that we want to create more and more of them with our GOP programs."

  31. Beowoof

    That this man has a college degree and sits in Congress should be an embarrassment for all of us. That he contributes in anyway to the discussion on science is even more frightening. These fools prey on the goobers for their votes and then rape them with the budget all so they can buy another house. I don't know what to make of my country anymore. Our most liberal time was brought about by the generation who survived the depression and WW II, their children who are now running things are spoiled self-indulgent brats who feel entitled and everyone else can fuck themselves.

  32. Mumbletypeg

    Like the flawed conclusions of Akin's malformed logistics of rape-births ("legitimistics"?): how he got this far along the path to political viability is inconceivable.

    1. Gleem McShineys

      Unfortunately the body politic of Missouri hasn't got the same kind of female powers to shut that whole thing down.

  33. proudgrampa

    "Forcible rape" is kinda redundant.

    Well, these two can start a new talk show: Huckabee and Fuckabee.

  34. dittoBot3000

    "…people and that life are teremendously valuable." Except for the muslins. They're a dime a dozen. And the gays – God isn't turned on by gay butt sechs. And Messicans – their God is plastic and lives on dashboards.

  35. MissTaken

    rape
    1    [reyp] Show IPA noun, verb, raped, rap·ing.
    noun
    1. the unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
    2. any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.

    Fuck this 'forcible' shit. Rape is rape you fucking piece of ignorant shit my parent's dog pooped out his butt yesterday.

    And what the fuck does rape have to do with 9/11 first responders? First responders help people regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, etc. If I told a first responder I was raped, they would not ask "was it forcible, or did you just not quite want it but when along anyways?" and then determine how to help me. They would fucking help me because that's what they do, 'forcible' or not. Fucking asshole.

    1. kingofmeh

      the dictionary definition of rape is different from the legal definition. a legal definition would be something along the lines of penetration of another person's vagina (often other types of rape, such as anal rape, are described in another statute) without the consent of that person. otherwise, doping a woman up on GHB and having sex with an unconscious woman wouldn't count as rape.

      the key question is the lack of consent, not whether it's accomplished by force, duress, or other means.

  36. Fare la Volpe

    They by their lives speak as Americans of what we think about the value of human beings and how much respect we hold people with and also people who’ve been victimized, how we hurt with them and try to care for them and try to love them.

    But seriously, fuck them skanks.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I've read and re-read that passage and for the life of me, cannot figure out what is being said.

      1. PsycWench

        I recognize that passage, along with most of Sarah Palin's interview with Katic Couric, as "Word salad that is the result of being asked a question and having no fucking idea what the answer should be". aka "essay bullshit".

      2. Calapine

        I think he means valuing life and empathy has nothing to do with being a well adjusted human, but is an exclusive trait of RealAmericans™

  37. Joshua Norton

    (Why “forcible rape” changes the nature of the vagina, I do not know, but I am sadly not the expert that a sitting Congressman is.)

    Probably has something to do with the "bad sperm" acting suspicious and wearing hoodies.

    1. miss_grundy

      NO! HELL NO! AND IF YOU TRY IT, I HOPE SHE KICKS YOU IN THE PEEN REALLY HARD AND YOU SPEND THE WEEKEND IN THE HOSPITAL.

      Too harsh????

    2. Eve8Apples

      Representative Akin is the expert on legitimate rape. You should pay him a visit. Tell him you are there for some legitimate rape "how to" advice. Bring your flowers, some lighted candles and a big vibrator. Promise him you will be tender and whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

  38. Callyson

    I *really* hope that pro – choice activists take this moment as a chance, finally, to remove the veneer of the supposed "moral high ground" that the anti choice crowd (I refuse to call them pro life since they don't give a fuck about the babies once they are born.) High time we stopped allowing their side to claim that they are caring, loving people who just want to save the children.

    Sometimes, having an abortion *is* the morally right thing to do–let's own that. No more "well, no one really wants an abortion" or "no one is really pro – abortion" rhetoric–if I ever get pregnant as a result of rape, I sure as hell am pro – abortion and I'm not apologizing for that for any reason…

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I struggle to apply morals to abortion at all. I see no difference, morally, between a woman who would carry a rape pregnancy to term and a woman who would abort right away. It's her uterus, her choice, no one else's.

      1. IonaTrailer

        And can we please apply the "No uterus? Then you don't get to have an opinion about abortion" rule?

    2. MosesInvests

      I've said this before and I'll say it again-my father wouldn't have been born (and by extension, I wouldn't have been born) if my grandmother hadn't terminated her first pregnancy that was threatening her health. Abortion needs to be SAFE and LEGAL. Period.

      1. MittBorg

        That's the part these maroons just don't seem to get. A woman who already has young children at home might wish to terminate an unwanted pregnancy because it threatens her life and she has OTHER children to care for. Or a woman might be carrying a life-threatening pregnancy and MUST terminate it if she is to go on to have the family she and her partner desire. They don't give a shit about the woman who might die, or any other children she might have who might NEED her to survive, or her partner or family who will be affected by her death or disability. To them, these women are just cunts with legs. Reproductive vessels, with no humanity whatsoever that should be considered.

    3. miss_grundy

      Nor should you have to. No woman should ever be forced to have a child against her will. There are enough unwanted children in state orphanages, institutions and foster care that the "system" could care less about. Children should be wanted and loved.

  39. fatbob54

    "Angry white Teabaggers should be seen (not really) and definitely not heard."
    They should be herded into FEMA re-eductation camps (to be fair, we should drop the re in re-education) where they will be taught to love gun control, Allah and gay marriage while being guarded by messican illegals because the blahs are too lazy to take the guard jerbs.

    1. SorosBot

      In these misogynist cretins' world, it's one where the victim didn't fight back hard enough, therefore she must have deserved it.

        1. SorosBot

          Yep. For example, if a woman gets drunk and is later raped, well then it was her own fault for getting drunk; she was just asking for it, like she was wearing a short skirt.

          These people piss me off so fucking much.

    2. IonaTrailer

      It's in the same school of thought as the "She just won't shut up" wife/girlfriend/ beating excuse.

      1. proudgrampa

        I was born there, actually. Guess I didn't realize what a right-wing swamp it's become.

        I have already re-registered my birthplace to Tralfamador.

    1. MittBorg

      Geezus, it's fuckin' Missouri! Even now, MOST Republicans in MO are happy with this schmuck and DON'T want him to step down. There must not be a whole lot of women in that state. Either that or they're all chained up in the kitchen.

  40. TheInternet

    So his defense is that he meant to say "forcible" rape, but said "legitimate" rape instead…?

    "Hey, whoa, let's not take this out of context. I didn't mean to shoot your mom. I was aiming for your DAD. Let's not play gotcha here."

  41. Dildeaux

    The odious comments of a man soon to be unemployed. Dead man walking.

    The dumb fuck hit the trifecta this weekend saying the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act should be overturned.

    akin holds the identical views on womens health as ryan.

  42. fartknocker

    Sans the cowboy boots, big hair and a ranch named Ni**erhed, it appears Missouri has there own version of Rick Perry and Clayton "Just Lay Back and Enjoy It" Williams.

  43. Angry_Marmot

    It's time for legitimate Americans to stand up from their wheelchairs, drape a flag across their shoulder and rush into a burning vagina.

  44. Dashboard Buddha

    Looking at the Cornswalled articles, if the woman didn't come, she can't get pregnant. If that's the case, do either Cornswallow or Aiken Rapey Heart have children? cuz I'm guessing neither of these two have the means of pleasing a woman.

    1. MissTaken

      Most women do not orgasm from vaginal intercourse, it usually requires some form of clitoral stimulation. Pregnancy occurs in the uterus after the penis ejaculates into the vagina, not in/on the clitoris. Therefore most pregnancies do not need female orgasm to be achieved or else most of us would not be alive right now.

      Science is hard.

      1. SorosBot

        Clitoris? Women's orgasms? Silly, women aren't supposed to experience sexual pleasure; that's for men, the women are just supposed to pleasure their man and passively take his seed.

        Also too lesbians don't exist.

        1. MittBorg

          I'm favouring the milkman, dude. Teh laydeez, they has teh strongly developed sense of aesthetic and won't sleep with ugly guys (or dirty, farty, rumpled, unshaven, etc. guys), and have you SEEN the mug on that mofo? Curdle milk at 200 paces IN THE COW.

          Nice to see you DbB. If'n I don't see you again soon, here's a hug.

  45. Blunderthing

    Scramble, scramble, scramble, listen to me ramble. I'm an idiot with shit for brains. I shoot my foot off when I explains.

  46. LibertyLover

    So women's bodies are now wheelchairs and the Republicans are Firemen rushing in to save unborn fetuses by inserting trans-vaginal probes into women's vaginas and things of that nature?

    What if the fetus decides to stand it's ground?

  47. DahBoner

    Today's GOP: "Mistakes were made…"

    Are these bumbling Assclowns really ready to run America into the ground, like Dubya did?

    I mean, they're so stupid and incompetant, what if they actually accidentally do something to HELP the average American?

    Their KKKock Brother Rapist Masters will be displeased!

  48. Poindexter718

    Muthafekker!
    I knew a guy who was in there. Watched the N tower fall before my eyes from my office window. Saw a Nymex floor trader trudging north in a daze, his funny trading jacket covered in dust. Lived with the acrid stench of death hanging over my city for three weeks. I am so fekking sick of these hayseed fecks telling the rest of us what Sept 11 was all about.

    1. Limeylizzie

      No kidding, I was in NYC then and it was fucking dreadful, that smell, that no-one talks about, of burned flesh and then of decay haunts me.It sickens me to hear these morons "claim"' it, they hate everything that the city is and stands for, the gays, the blacks, the Jews, the ladies, the diversity all of it. I was in the first show that opened on Broadway after 9/11 and we would take our flowers, that we received every night, and give them to the firemen on 8th Avenue who had lost most of their company, it was the saddest, saddest time.So don't use it as some prop for your vile, misogynistic, ignorant comments. You cunt, Akin.

  49. sewollef

    "And so, on the other hand, there are certain basic principles that we believe in, and that I’m just completely committed to, and that is the fact that people and that life are teremendously valuable. That’s what’s made America such unique country… [...] I remember September 11th, the rescue workers running into the buildings that’s about to collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair, pick em up – they don’t check their IDs to see whether they’re important or not – they just take them to safety and run back for more."

    Got that now? So please shut the fuck up you lot and leave a man in peace.

  50. Guppy

    I remember September 11th, the rescue workers running into the buildings that’s about to collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair, pick em up – they don’t check their IDs to see whether they’re important or not

    No, ID is checked and insurance information is collected when they get to the emergency room.

  51. BlueStateLibel

    I like how he says rescue workers didn't "check the IDs" of people trapped in the Towers to see if they were "important" before rescuing them. No such thought or idea would ever enter the head of a normal person, the idea is so horrible, and yet this sociopath can't help himself. The more he talks, the more you see what a sicko he is.

  52. Pat_Pending

    In the spirit of 'Make the Pie Higher', it is time for another volume of Republican 'found poetry':

    our Creator. We’re made in his image
    They by their lives speak as Americans
    collapse, grab somebody in a wheelchair
    that’s why I’m apologizing for what I did wrong

  53. Chichikovovich

    It took me some time, but I think I've figured out what he's saying. In essence:

    "Yes, I believe some disgusting things about rape victims. But it's just because I believe that my crusade to ban the morning after pill is morally equivalent to the actions of first responders saving 9/11 victims. You shouldn't ask a cluster of less than a hundred cells for ID before forcing a woman to carry it to term. Understand my noble motives, people."

    I can't say that this defence makes him any less of a terrifying fanatic than before, though.

    It makes him substantially more of a terrifying fanatic, in fact.

  54. fawkedifiknow

    I, for one, am personally indebted to Mr. Akin for clarifying that what's at risk right now in this country is that fire fighters won't be going in to rescue people from fires if women start having babies after being raped. i know that I'm not gonna do it, that's for sure.

    USA.USA.USA!! JESUS JESUS JESUS!!!

  55. Chet Kincaid_

    How do we know whether it's "forcible rape" "legitimate rape", "pseudo-rape", "faux-rape", "mock-rape", "play-rape" or "rape-rape"? In the Fog Of Rape, all kinds of things can happen.

    1. Pat_Pending

      And then there's broccoli rape and rape seed oil. What having I been committing in the kitchen????!!!!1!

  56. Eve8Apples

    Akin spoke of "legitimate rape," so I think you will need a notary stamp, or someone to serve papers or maybe a court reporter to administer an oath.

  57. barto

    "they don’t check their IDs to see whether they’re important or not"

    Careful, Todd, you're stepping on some voter-fraud talking points here…

  58. fuflans

    i heard the immediate but tepid response (don't besmirch me bro!) from the wonder twins this AM.

    apparently they 'disagree' with todd.

    like it's a movie review.

  59. mrblifil

    So wait rape victims are now the pilots of the hijacked planes, threatening the babies with flaming towering infernos of death by Planned Parenthood? HE GOT MY VOTE!!1!!1

  60. Chet Kincaid_

    Huckabee then strapped on his Fender Bass while Akin assayed the old Johnnie Taylor R&B hit, "Who's Forcin' Rape With Your Old Lady While You Were Out Forcin' Rape?"

  61. smitallica

    Dear Mr. Akin:
    You may believe life "comes from our creator," and that's your religious opinion with absolutely no proof. But I know for a FACT that life most definitely comes from sperm meeting an egg, and rape-sperm is just as pregnancy-causing as romantic consensual sex-sperm, because that's a fucking scientific fact and I'm not a fucking moron.

  62. thurufally

    Okay, so the next time I get ass-raped in prison, my bowels will immediately shut down until I give it up consensually. Or am I assuming too much?

  63. pdiddycornchips

    " And that’s the very special thing about our country. That’s what we have at risk right now."

    Yes, unless we elect ignorant, bible thumpin' tree stumps like Mr. Akin. we're doomed!!!

  64. Toomush_Infer

    My hearing must be going… I had to listen to (4:11) three times before I realized he wasn't saying " there are so many good people in Missouri who dominated me…."….for a moment there, I thought I knew where he was coming from….

  65. VA_Dreaming

    And once again he completely ignores the woman who was raped. Should she have to spend the next nine months carrying this fetus, having to deal with people's judgments (well meaning and not), possibly dying in childbirth, then having to deal either raising or giving away a baby that is half hers and half a rapists. I just cannot accept the idea of giving a mass of cells that cannot live independently more consideration than the independent women who thinks and feels and has already been victimized once.

  66. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Jesus Fuckwit Mclaskatwunt, that is some word salad topped with some Vagina Gold. Seriously, Chuck Grassley sounds perfectly loquacious compared to this twit.

  67. ahnc

    I did not burn my bra 40+ years ago for the 2012 Republican Vocabulary Adjustment Department to call rape anything but rape.
    I'm donning an extra bra or two.
    And a chastity belt.

  68. docterry6973

    Oh, so it is FORCIBLE rape that cannot impregnate a woman. And 9/11 too, also. Thanks for clearing that up Mr. Senator-To-Be.

  69. Comrade Wingtardd

    I want to know what sort of rape that Huckabee Xmas card was … forcible eye rape? It was our faultz, I'd bet … what it the Huckabee dog's fault that their fat son legitimately raped, stoned and beat it to death?

  70. Warco3

    Even if this idiot drops out of the race, the damage has already been done. Good game, repukes!

  71. Troglodeity

    Most pathetic use of 9/11 by the GOP maybe this whole month.

    And I love it when the GOP uses 9/11as if it was some sort of glorous fucking triumph on their part. Remember 8/6/11: Bush gets the briefing paper "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S." outlining possible imminent hijackings. His response: Nada. Zip. Zilch. It was like "non-forcible rape" to him (whatever the fuck that is).

  72. MilwaukeeKent

    Seems to me it doesn't take much to hang Clod Akin around Paul Ryan's neck and keep him there for the remainder of the campaign. "You're the co-sponsor of the Akin-Ryan Bill — do you share Mr. Akin's opinions?"

  73. Stevola

    "From the Philadelphia Inquirer, 1988:
    The odds that a woman who is raped will get pregnant are "one in millions and millions and millions," said state Rep. Stephen Freind, R-Delaware County, the Legislature's leading abortion foe.
    The reason, Freind said, is that the traumatic experience of rape causes a woman to "secrete a certain secretion" that tends to kill sperm.
    Two Philadelphia doctors specializing in human reproduction characterized Freind's contention as scientifically baseless."

    Same old shit. Nearly a quarter century later and it's still their go-to argument.

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