Heroes of our timesAhh, so now we know why lying war monster Condolleezza Rice was going around giving wingnut speeches about socialism and such-like. It wasn’t about getting on the presidential ticket — who even wants that? — it was about becoming the first female member of August National golf club, a goal that she attained today. She, along with Darla Moore, an insanely rich finance lady, can now navigate the lush fairways of America’s finest golf course at their leisure without a male Fortune 500 CEO escorting them. Now it’s just the other 99.9% of us schmucks who will never be able to play this course once in our lifetimes. Hooray!

From the New York Times:

Rice, 57, served as national security adviser and secretary of state under President George W. Bush. She is currently a professor at the Graduate School of Business at Stanford University, where she has also been provost. Rice was long considered a likely candidate for Augusta National membership if it became open to women.

“I have visited Augusta National on several occasions and look forward to playing golf, renewing friendships and forming new ones through this very special opportunity,” Rice said in a statement released by the club. “I have long admired the important role Augusta National has played in the traditions and history of golf. I also have an immense respect for the Masters Tournament and its commitment to grow the game of golf, particularly with youth, here in the United States and throughout the world.”

Moore, 58, is vice president of Rainwater, Inc., a private investment company founded by her husband, Richard Rainwater. She rose to success in the banking, becoming the highest paid woman in the industry and the first women to be on the cover of Fortune Magazine The University of South Carolina business school is named after her.

Which ladies got snubbed in the inaugural inductions? We can think of at least one…


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  • ChernobylSoup

    Somebody has to make the sandwiches.

  • YouBetcha

    I thought only lesbians played golf?

  • ChernobylSoup

    "Do we really want to wait until the evidence is a full-fledged gopher attack?"

    • eggsacklywright

      No one could have imagined…..

    • That was a full-fledged, 7-second laugher. Fortunately my office door was closed.

    • glasspusher

      You, sir, are as big a hitter as The Llama.

  • nounverb911

    Wasn't Darla one of the "Little Rascals"?

  • Mahousu

    So, out of Callista and Newt, who trades in who (for a younger and/or richer model) first?

    • Veritas78

      My money's on Miss Botox. She knows what his prospects are, how much money he no longer has in the bank, and that he's probably already on the prowl (but with far worse chances this time).

      That lonely book-signing should have been the big hint.

    • CthuNHu

      Callista could find a younger and richer model at the Porridge Acres Bingo Hall & Food Pantry.

  • freakishlywrong

    Augusta sounds like a hellish nutscape. Let Liz Cheney in and that's a fucking foursome from hell.

    • Veritas78

      Ginny Thomas is probably calling them around the clock for an application. "I promise I won't bring my husband!"

  • MissTaken

    I golfed this weekend at a public course in Oakland while chugging Coors Light (it was the only cold beer the beer lady had!) and nearly rolling our cart off a cliff. I'm just like Condi.

    • SorosBot

      Poor you, having to drink Coors Light; even PBR is tastier than that.

    • You're blah?????

    • Veritas78

      Ah, but do you play the piano in a competent but brittle, soulless, and robotic style? And do you similarly ice-skate?

    • glasspusher

      What, you were near my place and didn't visit?

    • IndianaKevin

      Braggin' or complainin'?

  • Billmatic

    Nancy Lopez should have been a no brainer but how could they pass on a black republican war criminal.

    • kittensdontlie

      And she is like an Oreo, white on the inside.

    • Schmannnity

      A Latina? Really?

      • Billmatic

        You know I'm just thinking "what female golfer probably would win at least one green jacket if they let them play for it" and the answer is invariably Nancy Lopez, and probably Annika Sorenstram but I'm not sure if she's retired or not.

        • BerkeleyBear

          I'd put Annika (who is retired) on the shortlist of women who could win a PGA event, but a Masters would probably be beyond even her. I bet Birdie Kim could get hot and win a US Open on the right kind of course, though.

          • Billmatic

            Well I mean a competition amongst women at Augusta, not necessarily a mixed tourney.

  • lulzmonger

    Hey! Condi!
    Kissinger body-count envy much?

  • Baconzgood


    Now go and make me a sandwich.

  • Fox E. Puppet

    She joined August National? Is that like the laydeez version of the Augusta National?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Shhhhhh. Condi thinks this is a big deal, but they fooled her.

    • One twelfth of a real member. Not even three-fifths.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Ah yes, enjoy your golf, dear lady who thought "Bin Laden Determined to Attack the US" was a silly little metaphor.

  • MissTaken

    Poor "Cally", she just got herself a shiny new golf bracelet and now has nowhere to wear it.

    • kittensdontlie

      She looks like a light swinger, and would be more at home at the exclusive Sea of Tranquility low-gravity lunar course.

      • glasspusher

        Now watch this drive…

  • sharethegrief

    If she's ever in the bathroom holding a towel, she'll get tipped.

    • foxypuppet

      Why? Are they gonna make her use the Gents?

      • eggsacklywright

        Only for washing balls.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      That's not the tip, that's the whole thing.

  • What — Callista doesn't have enough bloated, overvalued, tradition-obsessed white male relics in her life?

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    One, they want to birdie on the holes, they don't want holes on the birdies. Actually they needed a piano player for the clubhouse and a chance to make cover girl-bathwater-rainwater jokes in the lockers.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I'm sure that the righting of this sexist wrong will go a long way towards easing the pain of the families of those who died and were maimed in Iraq due to Condi's lies, so we can all take comfort in that.

    • paulabflat

      and think of the jobs it will create.

      we can all rest easier now.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Callista doesn't get to #augusta; she just gets to #newt. Eww.

  • RadioBowels

    I hear AugustA Cuntry Club is very nice.

  • Goonemeritus

    Pianist, knowledgeable about football, career in academia, helped sell an unnecessary war resulting in hundreds of thousands of deaths and she plays golf. Is there nothing this Renaissance woman can’t do?

    • foxypuppet

      Get that chalkboard squeak out of her voice? I know- I don't ask for much…

    • MissTaken

      Read and act appropriately on daily briefs titled "Bin Laden Determined To Strike In US"?

    • Geminisunmars

      Get married?

      • CindynEncinitas

        Obviously, she's still into W dick and nothing else will do.

  • PubOption

    Admitting two women, on the same day, WW(H)JD?*

    *What would Hootie Johnson do?

  • Buff that with a fine chamois…

    • schvitzatura


  • SorosBot

    Condi already did her part for 2012 in allowing Romney to pretend to consider her for VP to try and cover himself and claim there's no way he can be racist or sexist; some of his best possible VP choices are black women.

  • Fox E. Puppet

    Darla Moore is Nikki Haley's BFF. Not!

    • wow that's gross.

      • What – making us read Kathleen Gagging Parker? Yup, gross.

  • Good news for wonk-reject Megs McCain!

  • Mahousu

    Moore, 58, is vice president of Rainwater, Inc., a private investment company founded by her husband, Richard Rainwater. She rose to success in the banking

    No doubt she "rose to success" in her husband's company purely on her own merits.

    • Billmatic

      Honestly it seems like she did, actually. Don't hate the woman for playing the game men have played for generations.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        The long game?.

  • metamarcisf

    Somebody has to wash the balls

    • Condi's more a "munch the carpet" kind, tho.

      • viennawoods13

        Munch the putting green?

  • BZ1

    considering her past inclination to violence, I wouldn't want Condi near a club, oh, not that one, never mind …

  • Fare la Volpe

    Well at least the Jews still can't play.

    • Billmatic

      Thank goodness for small miracles.

  • Callyson

    She is currently a professor at the Graduate School of Business at Stanford University

    Because screwing up our foreign policy as Sec of State after teaching political science wasn't enough? What's next, creating a new American Depression as Sec of Commerce?

    • Estproph

      Stanford, really? I would have guessed University of Phoenix.

      • GeorgiaBurning

        Part of the Herbert Hoover legacy

  • But what is this going to do to "Use Your Penis as a Putter" Wednesdays?

    • She'll play mini-golf?

    • CthuNHu

      She'll just have to sit in the bar with George Will, drowning their bitter shame in Maker's Mark.

  • proudgrampa

    This fucking sleazeball who, with George W. Bush, is responsible for thousands upon thousands of deaths of innocent people, is a total war whore.

    Burn in hell, Condo. And I hope you never, ever make par!

    There, I showed her!!!

  • IonaTrailer

    There's always the Trump 'National' Golf Course on the ocean in Los Angeles (well, really it's in Palos Verdes Estates). The 18-holes will cost you a sweet $275.So all the elite golf assholes can put around in your little weiner-mobiles on the West Coast too.

    (Not our Wonketter's who only play on Municipal courses with the other Plebs.)

  • I guess they chose Condi a kind of a three-for.

  • Billmatic

    So, Darla Moore's think tank webpage is hosted by tripod.

  • PsycWench

    Golf is still the most boring game on the planet, though.

    • SorosBot

      What about bowling?

      • sullivanst

        Bowling is positively thrill-a-minute next to crown green bowls.

      • With bowling you get nachos.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Agreed, although I still like disk golf. Maybe because the rules stipulate you must be in an alternate state of mind to play.

      • glasspusher

        Well, hey, that's disk golf. Much more fun for me because my course was on a college campus with plenty of…distractions.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
  • IonaTrailer

    "For my full take on golf, I refer you elsewhere in the book, but let it just be said golf is a game that might possibly be fun, if it could be played alone. But it's the vacuous, striving, superficial, male-bonding joiners one has to associate with that makes it such a repulsive pastime. And it is decidedly not a sport. Period. "
    George Carlin, RIP

  • No one ever got pregnant from legitimate putts.

  • MissTaken

    Now they can shout "WHORE!" off the tee and mean it.

  • marconidarwin

    Outrageous! Having Condi in there is clearly reverse racism!

    Why is the liberal establishment of golf so virulently opposed to the Palins? Both Alaska Palin and Minnesota Palin deserve to be among the geezers, each wielding a deadly weapon in their hands.

  • Come here a minute

    Next up: the priesthood!

    • sullivanst

      Episcopalian libel!

  • pinkocommi

    To paraphrase Groucho Marx, I refuse to join any club that would have Condi or this Darla person as a member.

    • you took the words right out of my keyboard pinko.

    • proudgrampa

      Yeah, I just replied to my invitation from Augusta. I said, "No way! Not unless you invite Hillary Clinton and Rachel Maddow for a balanced membership."

  • RedneckMuslin

    Condi's a bigot? A war criminal I would believe. But bigot?

  • bobbert

    I can't wait to see Condi's thigh-high soft spikes.

  • Terry

    I honestly don't understand the attraction of places like Augusta. You get the honor of paying massive annual fees to join a club whose other members are racists, sexists, or even just run of the mill dusty old bastards. Is smug self satisfaction worth all that money?

    • CthuNHu

      In fairness, Congress also has great gyms and an excellent health plan.

    • HistoriCat

      Is smug self satisfaction worth all that money?

      You People just don't get it.

      • Terry

        True. I'd rather spend the membership dues on food and utilities. If I were rich, I'd spend it on a vacation, buy art, or donate heavily to charity. All three probably.

    • Comrade Snowball

      They don't allow joos. That's the attraction.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Agreed, but have you played Curling lately?

  • SorosBot

    Now watch this drive!

  • sullivanst

    Welcome to the 20th Century, Augusta National!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Now they will have to limit the totally-not-gay blowjobs to the privacy of the men's locker room.

  • joobajooba

    Golf spikes could take her dominatrix boots to a whole new level of fetish.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      If she went to Augusta in full GWAR mode, it would bring credibility. spiky boots, big head, and the blood of thousands spraying the crowd.

  • ahnc

    There, done. Quota met for this century.

  • barto

    Yes, Callista, but are you willing to shed your last iota of human decency and respectability just to be able to swat a tiny white ball on this particular gold course? Dumb question, of course you are!

  • You've gotta suck a lot of weapons of mass destruction to get into that club!

  • mavenmaven

    We should have had that whole crew retired, playing golf back in 2000 and there would have been a lot less suffering in the world today.

  • stopthemovie

    I've got a good mind to join a club and beat them over the head with it.

  • James Michael Curley

    Wait until she ruins a few greens with her thigh high, black leather, spiked heel boots then we'll see what privileges she has.

  • Is her husband George already a member?

  • thurufally

    Da Plane! Da Plane!

  • At least we now have a definitive ruling on how many dead Iraqis = a penis

  • This would have been a good gig for Megan McCain, don't you think?

  • DahBoner


    The Vice President of Stanford's Sanitation Engineering position was filled already???

  • Schmegeg

    She better watch out, there will be plenty of legitimate rape in that clubhouse.

  • MinAgain

    Wait until they tell her that she's there to carry that Moore woman's golf bag.

  • VinnyThePooh

    "Yessir, Judge."
    "There's a brown woman parked in the parking lot. Get security over here and have her hauled away immediately."

  • ttommyunger


  • Weenus299

    It's the beginning of Augusta National Socialism. One day we will all fear the Green Jackets.

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