Republican Congressmen really love Israel. And sometimes, when elected officials love a country very much and have built up a special relationship based on demagoguing that country’s interests, special things happen, like booze-fueled parties where one dude just really has to skinny dip.
The FBI probed a late-night swim in the Sea of Galilee that involved drinking, numerous GOP freshmen lawmakers, top leadership staff – and one nude member of Congress, according to more than a dozen sources, including eyewitnesses.
During a fact-finding congressional trip to the Holy Land last summer, Rep. Kevin Yoder (R-Kan.) took off his clothes and jumped into the sea, joining a number of members, their families and GOP staff during a night out in Israel, the sources told POLITICO. Other participants, including the daughter of another congressman, swam fully clothed while some lawmakers partially disrobed. More than 20 people took part in the late-night dip in the sea, according to sources who were participants in the trip.
Of course, everyone has different reasons for why they needed to defile the holiest sea you ever did see, because this is America and we are individuals. Drunk, religious, overheated (horny) individuals.
These GOP sources confirmed the following freshmen lawmakers also went swimming that night: Rep. Steve Southerland (R-Fla.) and his daughter; Rep. Tom Reed (R-N.Y.) and his wife; Reps. Ben Quayle (R-Ariz.), Jeff Denham (R-Calif.) and Michael Grimm (R-N.Y.). Many of the lawmakers who ventured into the lake said they did so because of the religious significance of the waters. Others said they were simply cooling off after a long day. Several privately admitted that alcohol may have played a role in why some of those present decided to jump in.
The Sea of Galilee, a Christian holy site, is where Jesus is said in the Bible to have walked on water.
Although seemingly controversial to modern mores and conventions, it is a little-known fact that one of the Gnostic Gospels contains this very scene, which Republicans, in an expression of the truest Judeo-Christian faith, were simply reenacting.
The Gospel of The Lord, Chapter 16
22 And did Jesus and his Apostles come upon the Sea of Galilee, its waters open before them.
23 After an afternoon of hanging out and getting kind of buzzed, the crew was warm.
24 And the LORD saith unto his apostles, “Did anyone check Breitbart.com, for I am amused by libtards.”
25 With tremulous fear, the Apostles looked to each other, seeking the solace that one of them had remembered to check the LORD’s Twitter feed.
26 “No,” said Paul, the bravest of them. “No, we did not, but we can check later on.”
27 “Cool,” replied the LORD unto him, “Now let’s go hop in the sea real quick, I always get overheated after we play flip cup.”
28 The LORD walked to the edge of the sea and held up his hands,
29 staring into its cool waters, and he declared unto all who listened, “First to drop trou and hop in gets my next parable first, like a timed exclusive sort of thing.”
30 The LORD said unto himself, “I should work that into my newsletters.”
31 After gazing each to the other, Thomas stepped forward, disrobed, and launched himself into the ocean’s water.
32 The Apostles looked upon Thomas’ form, his tan lines showing, and the LORD began to chuckle.
33 “I was wondering which of you would fall for that. Don’t skinny dip in my sea, bro. Seriously?“
This was pretty much the Stations of the Cross, except holier.
[Politico]
{ 108 comments }
We are born into this world naked.
Republicans sure spend an awful lot of time and effort trying to be born again and again, usually while drunk or with small children
I am not against the state of unclothedness. Unless it is Republican unclothedness.
Sometimes, just because it's natural DOESN'T mean it's beautiful…
This is very similar to how Republicans behave when they visit the holy land of "Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport".
Verily, I say unto thee, have neither a narrow stance nor a wide mind.
And the foot shall tappeth three times, and the number of the tappings shall be three. Four is too many, and two taps is too few, unless it be followed by a third. Five is right out.
And the cock growed three times.
And The Lord did grin.
And the people did feast upon the stoats, the fruitbats and the breakfast cereals and the anonymous cock.
I'm only going to add that it's probably a good thing Yoder didn't end up walking on the water naked, because that would have revealed his short-comings.
"Shrinkage! Shrinkage!" — George Costanza
I wonder if Ben Quayle rated all the swimmers' appearances on his old website?
This was all about the religious significance of the alcohol. And the naked rent boys.
Too bad Steve King couldn't make the trip.
Kiss my (very naked) ass, this is a holy site.
Yoder was all about ease of access.
Is there video? For historical reasons, of course.
You stay classy GOP.
Heretics do the darndest things. From the wiki:
During his 2009 election campaign, "Yoder also created controversy when he released a commercial depicting him and his wife walking through a field with three children that, presumably, were their children.[11] In fact, Yoder does not have any kids.[11] This controversy was similar to one from one of his campaigns for the Kansas Legislature. In that election, Yoder issued a campaign ad with photos of him, his wife, two kids, and a dog. Neither the kids nor the dog were Yoder's.[11]"
That is creepy- not just misleading
like booze-fueled parties where one dude just really has to skinny dip.
They probably all had to pee. Hypocrite thy name is (R-judgmental asshole).
"Tea party? I thought you said this was a key party."
The fact that a sampling of Republican Congressman would get naked and go skinny dipping in front of the daughters of other Congressman, regardless of the age of those daughters, is such NO CLASS ACT that they should resign immediately. Its been a long strange trip from the days of Wilbur Mills.
They have no class and apparently no shame, either.
A dip in the Tidal Basin is worse than a dip in the Sea of Galilee.
They were transported by the Glory of His Word.
Jesus said "Word".
Hey Susse! Word!, Man.
"skinny dipping in front of the daughters of other Congressman"
Oh, so that's the problem. I was wondering why this was any kind of deal. Though, imagining it was Dems, I'm still having to struggle to muster some outrage.
Ah, the good ol' days!
In my commie DC suburb, my mom dressed up in an 1890s bathing costume for our Fourth of July parade and was awarded the Wade Hays Award for Moral Turpitude.
Good times.
Later, happening upon a manger, Kevin Yoder pooped in the hay.
In fairness, he'd heard asses were welcome in the manger.
"Careful, kids, that's not myrrh!"
Well, the GOP can't seem to locate any facts the traditional way (research, learning) so I guess skinny dipping in a holy Sea can't make them any less truthful.
I'm going out on a limb here and guessing Yoder is circumcised.
Show off.
From what I hear, it is more of a protuberance than a limb.
Why is the daughter of a member Congress on an official trip to anywhere?
Although she will probably never be safer than with other GNoP Congress folks – from the House or Senate.
It was a trip arranged and paid for by the American Israel Educational Foundation, affiliated with AIPAC. So not on the gummint dime. Meant, of course, to make sure that Congressmen remember how important it is to ALWAYS support Israel, no matter what.
As long as they push for socially conservative family values and sticking it to poor people when they get back home their constituents don't care.
Yoder took that "the Member" shit a little too literally.
A bunch of Republicans Congressmen skinny dipping, together. How could ANYONE possibly think that these men are in the closet?
Oy bay!
A guy is a total jerk while in Amerikkka defies the odds and becomes even worse when he is traveling out of the country.
Republican Congressional fact finding: Israel borders the Sea of Galilee, the water is wet and booze is good.
No chance any of these losers will be walking on water….
Has Ben Quayle posted the hot pics on Dirty Scottsdale yet?
Since Ben Qualude moved to Aridzoneduh, the average IQ in both Indiana and Aridzoneduh went up!
>Eric Cantor (R-Va.), who was the senior most GOP lawmaker in Israel on the trip, was so upset about the antics that he rebuked the 30 lawmakers the morning after the Aug. 18, 2011, incident, saying they were distracting from the mission of the trip.
Yeah, Eric, wouldn't want boozing and swimming to get in the way of kowtowing to a foreign nation that spies on us. Right? Frankly, I'd feel better if the congresspeople had boozed and swum the entire trip.
Frankly, I'd feel great if the entire Republican caucus did nothing but get boozed up every day, instead of voting in Congress.
John Boehner is proof that they can do both.
Kevin Yoder wanted to get naked while he fantasized he was a women so he stripped while abroad.
They were just testing the water for the Jesusland theme park they want to build.
After a long night of drinking God only knows what they did at the Wailing Wall.
This story had promise. I was waiting for the drowning. I guess God is a Republican like they say.
All this crass, degenerate fun on their part could only have been sexier had someone brought bath salts.
"Republican Freshmen Chew Off Each Others' Faces"
Has a nice ring to it.
They should have had no problem finding falafels.
The sad fact is that in Aqua Teen Hungerforce's world, the GOPers are Handbanana.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAKL3Og-zGc
Can I get pregnant from being in the lake at the same time as the GOP ? Ask Todd Akin.
Only if you are white.
No big deal. They were baptizing themselves in the holiest of holy waters. Afterward they went and celebrated holy communion with bread and wine–lots and lots of wine. (The lots and lots of wine before the baptism was just the catechism instruction and practice.) So you see, it is all very religious. ("God, this water's cold. My winkie! I can't find my winkie!")
Gonads Out Party
"In other news: the Dead Sea is still dead."
Well, if it wasn't to begin with, it sure is now.
Galilee Shore.
To be fair, Jesus took all his dates out to the Sea of Galilee for some wine and skinny-dippin'.
Surprise, surprise, a congressman is a floater.
That's a mighty fine piece of writing.
Well Jeebus liked to drink as he turned the water into wine. I think these guys were hoping the water would turn to wine and they could stay drunk all the time. With apology to Canned Heat.
The Non-Stick Gospels: fine for the flock, but too limiting for the swingin' rich and powerful.
I wonder how this trip was financed?
Because I would hate to learn that the so-called party of fiscal responsibility used public funds for this Jesus-land booze cruise. That would mean they are hypocrites, and that's impossible.
Financed by a pro-Israel group.
Yoder said, " I just want to apologize to my constituents for a momentary lapse in judgment." Shouldn't that be the other way around?
ISWYDT. With votes.
There were also Biblically-authentic "harlots" and "women taken in adultery" at this Holy Lands Role Play.
Does Yoder in strange syntax talk?
Dude, we just had a three-way with this meme!
Yoder while dropping trou: "OOYL" (only once you live)
ha!
All the Republicans in strange syntax talk, if me you ask.
This is about the only action taken by the GOP in a couple decades I can support.
Yoda used to let it all hang out at the Jedi Council Off-Sites, also. "My third leg, feast your eyes on!!"
Obviously no shrinkage issues for Yoda, then?
They'll never get that taste out of the fish.
If 'manners maketh man' as someone said
He's the hero of the day.
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.
'Be yourself, no matter what they say' — "Englishman in New York"
Here is representative Tom Reed:
http://www.buffalonews.com/city/capital-connectio…
Thank FSM, they decided to do their swimming at night and so far, no photos.
Look on the bright side: Any time they spent skinny-dipping in the Sea of Galilee was time that they didn't spend actively trying to destroy American democracy. So go swimmin' with bow-legged women all you want, guys. Hell, I won't even complain about my tax dollars footing the bill. Just don't take any pictures, OK?
"And the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity."
Baby if you've ever wondered
Wondered whatever became of me
I'm living on the air in Cincinnati
Cincinnati WKRP
Amen. The Lord prank you.
so THIS is what legitimate rape looks like.
You just can't be around congresspeople and not expect to see a dick.
Vaginas, Holy sites, these fools don't know how anything works.
From Yoder's bio:
Representative Yoder has been appointed by Speaker of the House John Boehner to serve on the Gallaudet University Board of Trustees.
How does one signify "derp" in ASL?
Yoder's name sign-"V" handshape brought sharply to the forehead (sign for "stupid")
Well, he's fucked.
Gallaudet students don't put up with any shit.
I have to say that I am unequivocally in favor of late-night skinny-dipping and even most other forms of nekkid swimming, and I would be a total hypocrite to condemn these folks for doing it. In fact, it just might mean that there is hope for them as human beings, and at least they got some fun in them. So god for them.
Yeah, drunken skinny-dipping on a junket is not likely the most reprehensible thing these jack-offs have ever done (see, e.g., their votes in Congress).
Maybe it would be a good idea for a man who parades around naked and drunk in front of the children of others to be put on some sort of watch list.
Ok, so Yoder was all nakey and such. Because Jesus, of course.
But how many of the group pissed in that water?
If there's one thing I learned from my Bible study, it's that nakedness plus drunkenness plus Holy Land equals hot father-daughter threesome incest sexytime!
It may also include father-son incest sexytime, but that bit about Noah and Ham is notoriously vague.
"Answers in Genesis" indeed!
Did he obey the sign: Do not pee in the Galilee
Naked and drunk and defiling a holy site? Wow — it's good to know that every so often even a Republican can do something I approve of.
Sure, I've done that-but not with a bunch of dudes……..WTF?
Put your hand on the hand of the man
Whose name is Yoder
Put your hand on the member of the man
Who's butt naked in the sea
Take a look at yourself
And you'll start looking at men differently
By giving a hand job to the Kansan man
From the GOP
Kev promised momma he'd come out
Before he took office in '11
She knows when he's on his knees
That's when he's closest to heaven
Kev longs to live his life with a man as his wife
So he can screw what he wants to screw
But he blows more than enough
To get him through, oh yeh!
So, put your hand down the waistband of the man
Who gets his jollies in the water
Put your hand on the member of the man
From the GOP
Take a look at yourself
And you'll be thinking of men differently
By giving a hand job to the Kansan man
From the GOP
Apologies to G. Maclellan
Ha! We sang that song in my librul Lutheran church when I was a kid!
I've never watched that show, but the building super looks annoyed that the pool is full of food.
"I just wanted to see the place where my Lord and Saviour walked on water, and dip my balls in it."
As to be expected- AIPAC paid for this – and it cost $10,000 a person(that is what it cost for my family of 4 to go) so plenty of booze/food/pandering was done by Israel
Classy with a capital K the GOP is.
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