blessed be the skinny dippers

Republican Congressmen Experience The Holy Land By Getting Drunk And Naked In It

In the hot tub!Republican Congressmen really love Israel. And sometimes, when elected officials love a country very much and have built up a special relationship based on demagoguing that country’s interests, special things happen, like booze-fueled parties where one dude just really has to skinny dip.

The FBI probed a late-night swim in the Sea of Galilee that involved drinking, numerous GOP freshmen lawmakers, top leadership staff – and one nude member of Congress, according to more than a dozen sources, including eyewitnesses.

During a fact-finding congressional trip to the Holy Land last summer, Rep. Kevin Yoder (R-Kan.) took off his clothes and jumped into the sea, joining a number of members, their families and GOP staff during a night out in Israel, the sources told POLITICO. Other participants, including the daughter of another congressman, swam fully clothed while some lawmakers partially disrobed. More than 20 people took part in the late-night dip in the sea, according to sources who were participants in the trip.

Of course, everyone has different reasons for why they needed to defile the holiest sea you ever did see, because this is America and we are individuals. Drunk, religious, overheated (horny) individuals.

These GOP sources confirmed the following freshmen lawmakers also went swimming that night: Rep. Steve Southerland (R-Fla.) and his daughter; Rep. Tom Reed (R-N.Y.) and his wife; Reps. Ben Quayle (R-Ariz.), Jeff Denham (R-Calif.) and Michael Grimm (R-N.Y.). Many of the lawmakers who ventured into the lake said they did so because of the religious significance of the waters. Others said they were simply cooling off after a long day. Several privately admitted that alcohol may have played a role in why some of those present decided to jump in.

The Sea of Galilee, a Christian holy site, is where Jesus is said in the Bible to have walked on water.

Although seemingly controversial to modern mores and conventions, it is a little-known fact that one of the Gnostic Gospels contains this very scene, which Republicans, in an expression of the truest Judeo-Christian faith, were simply reenacting.

The Gospel of The Lord, Chapter 16

22 And did Jesus and his Apostles come upon the Sea of Galilee, its waters open before them.

23 After an afternoon of hanging out and getting kind of buzzed, the crew was warm.

24 And the LORD saith unto his apostles, “Did anyone check Breitbart.com, for I am amused by libtards.

25 With tremulous fear, the Apostles looked to each other, seeking the solace that one of them had remembered to check the LORD’s Twitter feed.

26 “No,” said Paul, the bravest of them. “No, we did not, but we can check later on.”

27Cool,” replied the LORD unto him, “Now let’s go hop in the sea real quick, I always get overheated after we play flip cup.

28 The LORD walked to the edge of the sea and held up his hands,

29 staring into its cool waters, and he declared unto all who listened, “First to drop trou and hop in gets my next parable first, like a timed exclusive sort of thing.

30 The LORD said unto himself, “I should work that into my newsletters.

31 After gazing each to the other, Thomas stepped forward, disrobed, and launched himself into the ocean’s water.

32 The Apostles looked upon Thomas’ form, his tan lines showing, and the LORD began to chuckle.

33I was wondering which of you would fall for that. Don’t skinny dip in my sea, bro. Seriously?

This was pretty much the Stations of the Cross, except holier.

[Politico]

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108 comments

  1. actor212

    We are born into this world naked.

    Republicans sure spend an awful lot of time and effort trying to be born again and again, usually while drunk or with small children

  2. Come here a minute

    This is very similar to how Republicans behave when they visit the holy land of "Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport".

      1. noodlesalad

        And the foot shall tappeth three times, and the number of the tappings shall be three. Four is too many, and two taps is too few, unless it be followed by a third. Five is right out.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            And the people did feast upon the stoats, the fruitbats and the breakfast cereals and the anonymous cock.

  3. actor212

    I'm only going to add that it's probably a good thing Yoder didn't end up walking on the water naked, because that would have revealed his short-comings.

  4. StarsUponThars

    Heretics do the darndest things. From the wiki:

    During his 2009 election campaign, "Yoder also created controversy when he released a commercial depicting him and his wife walking through a field with three children that, presumably, were their children.[11] In fact, Yoder does not have any kids.[11] This controversy was similar to one from one of his campaigns for the Kansas Legislature. In that election, Yoder issued a campaign ad with photos of him, his wife, two kids, and a dog. Neither the kids nor the dog were Yoder's.[11]"

  5. freakishlywrong

    like booze-fueled parties where one dude just really has to skinny dip.
    They probably all had to pee. Hypocrite thy name is (R-judgmental asshole).

  6. James Michael Curley

    The fact that a sampling of Republican Congressman would get naked and go skinny dipping in front of the daughters of other Congressman, regardless of the age of those daughters, is such NO CLASS ACT that they should resign immediately. Its been a long strange trip from the days of Wilbur Mills.

    1. deanbooth

      "skinny dipping in front of the daughters of other Congressman"

      Oh, so that's the problem. I was wondering why this was any kind of deal. Though, imagining it was Dems, I'm still having to struggle to muster some outrage.

    2. RhinestoneEater

      Ah, the good ol' days!

      In my commie DC suburb, my mom dressed up in an 1890s bathing costume for our Fourth of July parade and was awarded the Wade Hays Award for Moral Turpitude.

      Good times.

  7. noodlesalad

    Well, the GOP can't seem to locate any facts the traditional way (research, learning) so I guess skinny dipping in a holy Sea can't make them any less truthful.

  8. Tundra Grifter

    Why is the daughter of a member Congress on an official trip to anywhere?

    Although she will probably never be safer than with other GNoP Congress folks – from the House or Senate.

    1. viennawoods13

      It was a trip arranged and paid for by the American Israel Educational Foundation, affiliated with AIPAC. So not on the gummint dime. Meant, of course, to make sure that Congressmen remember how important it is to ALWAYS support Israel, no matter what.

  9. SoBeach

    As long as they push for socially conservative family values and sticking it to poor people when they get back home their constituents don't care.

  10. sharethegrief

    Republican Congressional fact finding: Israel borders the Sea of Galilee, the water is wet and booze is good.

  11. comrad_darkness

    >Eric Cantor (R-Va.), who was the senior most GOP lawmaker in Israel on the trip, was so upset about the antics that he rebuked the 30 lawmakers the morning after the Aug. 18, 2011, incident, saying they were distracting from the mission of the trip.

    Yeah, Eric, wouldn't want boozing and swimming to get in the way of kowtowing to a foreign nation that spies on us. Right? Frankly, I'd feel better if the congresspeople had boozed and swum the entire trip.

    1. HedonismBot

      Frankly, I'd feel great if the entire Republican caucus did nothing but get boozed up every day, instead of voting in Congress.

  12. Dudleydidwrong

    No big deal. They were baptizing themselves in the holiest of holy waters. Afterward they went and celebrated holy communion with bread and wine–lots and lots of wine. (The lots and lots of wine before the baptism was just the catechism instruction and practice.) So you see, it is all very religious. ("God, this water's cold. My winkie! I can't find my winkie!")

  13. Beowoof

    Well Jeebus liked to drink as he turned the water into wine. I think these guys were hoping the water would turn to wine and they could stay drunk all the time. With apology to Canned Heat.

  14. Zombie_Reagan

    I wonder how this trip was financed?

    Because I would hate to learn that the so-called party of fiscal responsibility used public funds for this Jesus-land booze cruise. That would mean they are hypocrites, and that's impossible.

  15. BZ1

    Yoder said, " I just want to apologize to my constituents for a momentary lapse in judgment." Shouldn't that be the other way around?

  16. Mumbletypeg

    If 'manners maketh man' as someone said
    He's the hero of the day.
    It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.
    'Be yourself, no matter what they say'
    — "Englishman in New York"

  17. MacRaith

    Look on the bright side: Any time they spent skinny-dipping in the Sea of Galilee was time that they didn't spend actively trying to destroy American democracy. So go swimmin' with bow-legged women all you want, guys. Hell, I won't even complain about my tax dollars footing the bill. Just don't take any pictures, OK?

  18. ingloriousbytch

    "And the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity."

    Baby if you've ever wondered
    Wondered whatever became of me
    I'm living on the air in Cincinnati
    Cincinnati WKRP

  19. schvitzatura

    From Yoder's bio:

    Representative Yoder has been appointed by Speaker of the House John Boehner to serve on the Gallaudet University Board of Trustees.

    How does one signify "derp" in ASL?

  20. prommie

    I have to say that I am unequivocally in favor of late-night skinny-dipping and even most other forms of nekkid swimming, and I would be a total hypocrite to condemn these folks for doing it. In fact, it just might mean that there is hope for them as human beings, and at least they got some fun in them. So god for them.

    1. bobbert

      Yeah, drunken skinny-dipping on a junket is not likely the most reprehensible thing these jack-offs have ever done (see, e.g., their votes in Congress).

  21. Troglodeity

    Maybe it would be a good idea for a man who parades around naked and drunk in front of the children of others to be put on some sort of watch list.

  22. chicken_thief

    Ok, so Yoder was all nakey and such. Because Jesus, of course.

    But how many of the group pissed in that water?

  23. Guppy

    If there's one thing I learned from my Bible study, it's that nakedness plus drunkenness plus Holy Land equals hot father-daughter threesome incest sexytime!

    It may also include father-son incest sexytime, but that bit about Noah and Ham is notoriously vague.

    "Answers in Genesis" indeed!

  24. thurufally

    Put your hand on the hand of the man
    Whose name is Yoder
    Put your hand on the member of the man
    Who's butt naked in the sea
    Take a look at yourself
    And you'll start looking at men differently
    By giving a hand job to the Kansan man
    From the GOP
    Kev promised momma he'd come out
    Before he took office in '11
    She knows when he's on his knees
    That's when he's closest to heaven
    Kev longs to live his life with a man as his wife
    So he can screw what he wants to screw
    But he blows more than enough
    To get him through, oh yeh!
    So, put your hand down the waistband of the man
    Who gets his jollies in the water
    Put your hand on the member of the man
    From the GOP
    Take a look at yourself
    And you'll be thinking of men differently
    By giving a hand job to the Kansan man
    From the GOP

    Apologies to G. Maclellan

  25. tessiee

    I've never watched that show, but the building super looks annoyed that the pool is full of food.

  26. icanhazpbr

    "I just wanted to see the place where my Lord and Saviour walked on water, and dip my balls in it."

  27. finallyhappy

    As to be expected- AIPAC paid for this – and it cost $10,000 a person(that is what it cost for my family of 4 to go) so plenty of booze/food/pandering was done by Israel

Comments are closed.