BLESSED BE THE SKINNY DIPPERS  10:05 am August 20, 2012

Republican Congressmen Experience The Holy Land By Getting Drunk And Naked In It

by Jesse Taylor

In the hot tub!Republican Congressmen really love Israel. And sometimes, when elected officials love a country very much and have built up a special relationship based on demagoguing that country’s interests, special things happen, like booze-fueled parties where one dude just really has to skinny dip.

The FBI probed a late-night swim in the Sea of Galilee that involved drinking, numerous GOP freshmen lawmakers, top leadership staff – and one nude member of Congress, according to more than a dozen sources, including eyewitnesses.

During a fact-finding congressional trip to the Holy Land last summer, Rep. Kevin Yoder (R-Kan.) took off his clothes and jumped into the sea, joining a number of members, their families and GOP staff during a night out in Israel, the sources told POLITICO. Other participants, including the daughter of another congressman, swam fully clothed while some lawmakers partially disrobed. More than 20 people took part in the late-night dip in the sea, according to sources who were participants in the trip.

Of course, everyone has different reasons for why they needed to defile the holiest sea you ever did see, because this is America and we are individuals. Drunk, religious, overheated (horny) individuals.

These GOP sources confirmed the following freshmen lawmakers also went swimming that night: Rep. Steve Southerland (R-Fla.) and his daughter; Rep. Tom Reed (R-N.Y.) and his wife; Reps. Ben Quayle (R-Ariz.), Jeff Denham (R-Calif.) and Michael Grimm (R-N.Y.). Many of the lawmakers who ventured into the lake said they did so because of the religious significance of the waters. Others said they were simply cooling off after a long day. Several privately admitted that alcohol may have played a role in why some of those present decided to jump in.

The Sea of Galilee, a Christian holy site, is where Jesus is said in the Bible to have walked on water.

Although seemingly controversial to modern mores and conventions, it is a little-known fact that one of the Gnostic Gospels contains this very scene, which Republicans, in an expression of the truest Judeo-Christian faith, were simply reenacting.

The Gospel of The Lord, Chapter 16

22 And did Jesus and his Apostles come upon the Sea of Galilee, its waters open before them.

23 After an afternoon of hanging out and getting kind of buzzed, the crew was warm.

24 And the LORD saith unto his apostles, “Did anyone check Breitbart.com, for I am amused by libtards.

25 With tremulous fear, the Apostles looked to each other, seeking the solace that one of them had remembered to check the LORD’s Twitter feed.

26 “No,” said Paul, the bravest of them. “No, we did not, but we can check later on.”

27Cool,” replied the LORD unto him, “Now let’s go hop in the sea real quick, I always get overheated after we play flip cup.

28 The LORD walked to the edge of the sea and held up his hands,

29 staring into its cool waters, and he declared unto all who listened, “First to drop trou and hop in gets my next parable first, like a timed exclusive sort of thing.

30 The LORD said unto himself, “I should work that into my newsletters.

31 After gazing each to the other, Thomas stepped forward, disrobed, and launched himself into the ocean’s water.

32 The Apostles looked upon Thomas’ form, his tan lines showing, and the LORD began to chuckle.

33I was wondering which of you would fall for that. Don’t skinny dip in my sea, bro. Seriously?

This was pretty much the Stations of the Cross, except holier.

[Politico]

 
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{ 108 comments }

actor212 August 20, 2012 at 10:05 am

We are born into this world naked.

Republicans sure spend an awful lot of time and effort trying to be born again and again, usually while drunk or with small children

thatsitfortheother1 August 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

I am not against the state of unclothedness. Unless it is Republican unclothedness.

redarmyzombie August 20, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Sometimes, just because it's natural DOESN'T mean it's beautiful…

Come here a minute August 20, 2012 at 10:07 am

This is very similar to how Republicans behave when they visit the holy land of "Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport".

actor212 August 20, 2012 at 10:08 am

Verily, I say unto thee, have neither a narrow stance nor a wide mind.

noodlesalad August 20, 2012 at 10:19 am

And the foot shall tappeth three times, and the number of the tappings shall be three. Four is too many, and two taps is too few, unless it be followed by a third. Five is right out.

vtxmcrider August 20, 2012 at 10:25 am

And the cock growed three times.

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 12:23 pm

And The Lord did grin.

Lascauxcaveman August 20, 2012 at 12:47 pm

And the people did feast upon the stoats, the fruitbats and the breakfast cereals and the anonymous cock.

actor212 August 20, 2012 at 10:08 am

I'm only going to add that it's probably a good thing Yoder didn't end up walking on the water naked, because that would have revealed his short-comings.

tessiee August 20, 2012 at 1:25 pm

"Shrinkage! Shrinkage!" — George Costanza

Terry August 20, 2012 at 10:09 am

I wonder if Ben Quayle rated all the swimmers' appearances on his old website?

randcoolcatdaddy August 20, 2012 at 10:11 am

This was all about the religious significance of the alcohol. And the naked rent boys.

HempDogbane August 20, 2012 at 10:12 am

Too bad Steve King couldn't make the trip.

Serolf_Divad August 20, 2012 at 10:12 am

Kiss my (very naked) ass, this is a holy site.

actor212 August 20, 2012 at 10:14 am

Yoder was all about ease of access.

ahnc August 20, 2012 at 10:14 am

Is there video? For historical reasons, of course.

Baconzgood August 20, 2012 at 10:14 am

You stay classy GOP.

StarsUponThars August 20, 2012 at 10:14 am

Heretics do the darndest things. From the wiki:

During his 2009 election campaign, "Yoder also created controversy when he released a commercial depicting him and his wife walking through a field with three children that, presumably, were their children.[11] In fact, Yoder does not have any kids.[11] This controversy was similar to one from one of his campaigns for the Kansas Legislature. In that election, Yoder issued a campaign ad with photos of him, his wife, two kids, and a dog. Neither the kids nor the dog were Yoder's.[11]"

finallyhappy August 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

That is creepy- not just misleading

freakishlywrong August 20, 2012 at 10:15 am

like booze-fueled parties where one dude just really has to skinny dip.
They probably all had to pee. Hypocrite thy name is (R-judgmental asshole).

mirrorballdc August 20, 2012 at 10:15 am

"Tea party? I thought you said this was a key party."

James Michael Curley August 20, 2012 at 10:15 am

The fact that a sampling of Republican Congressman would get naked and go skinny dipping in front of the daughters of other Congressman, regardless of the age of those daughters, is such NO CLASS ACT that they should resign immediately. Its been a long strange trip from the days of Wilbur Mills.

Terry August 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

They have no class and apparently no shame, either.

Beowoof August 20, 2012 at 10:36 am

A dip in the Tidal Basin is worse than a dip in the Sea of Galilee.

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 12:25 pm

They were transported by the Glory of His Word.

Jesus said "Word".

James Michael Curley August 20, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Hey Susse! Word!, Man.

deanbooth August 20, 2012 at 5:03 pm

"skinny dipping in front of the daughters of other Congressman"

Oh, so that's the problem. I was wondering why this was any kind of deal. Though, imagining it was Dems, I'm still having to struggle to muster some outrage.

RhinestoneEater August 21, 2012 at 12:23 am

Ah, the good ol' days!

In my commie DC suburb, my mom dressed up in an 1890s bathing costume for our Fourth of July parade and was awarded the Wade Hays Award for Moral Turpitude.

Good times.

mwittier August 20, 2012 at 10:16 am

Later, happening upon a manger, Kevin Yoder pooped in the hay.

actor212 August 20, 2012 at 10:22 am

In fairness, he'd heard asses were welcome in the manger.

AddHomonym August 20, 2012 at 11:08 am

"Careful, kids, that's not myrrh!"

noodlesalad August 20, 2012 at 10:16 am

Well, the GOP can't seem to locate any facts the traditional way (research, learning) so I guess skinny dipping in a holy Sea can't make them any less truthful.

comrad_darkness August 20, 2012 at 10:17 am

I'm going out on a limb here and guessing Yoder is circumcised.

Show off.

Geminisunmars August 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

From what I hear, it is more of a protuberance than a limb.

Tundra Grifter August 20, 2012 at 10:17 am

Why is the daughter of a member Congress on an official trip to anywhere?

Although she will probably never be safer than with other GNoP Congress folks – from the House or Senate.

viennawoods13 August 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

It was a trip arranged and paid for by the American Israel Educational Foundation, affiliated with AIPAC. So not on the gummint dime. Meant, of course, to make sure that Congressmen remember how important it is to ALWAYS support Israel, no matter what.

SoBeach August 20, 2012 at 10:17 am

As long as they push for socially conservative family values and sticking it to poor people when they get back home their constituents don't care.

Tundra Grifter August 20, 2012 at 10:17 am

Yoder took that "the Member" shit a little too literally.

ChillBill August 20, 2012 at 10:18 am

A bunch of Republicans Congressmen skinny dipping, together. How could ANYONE possibly think that these men are in the closet?

eggsacklywright August 20, 2012 at 10:19 am

Oy bay!

Chow Yun Flat August 20, 2012 at 10:20 am

A guy is a total jerk while in Amerikkka defies the odds and becomes even worse when he is traveling out of the country.

sharethegrief August 20, 2012 at 10:20 am

Republican Congressional fact finding: Israel borders the Sea of Galilee, the water is wet and booze is good.

johnnyzhivago August 20, 2012 at 10:20 am

No chance any of these losers will be walking on water….

Misty Malarky August 20, 2012 at 10:21 am

Has Ben Quayle posted the hot pics on Dirty Scottsdale yet?

DahBoner August 20, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Since Ben Qualude moved to Aridzoneduh, the average IQ in both Indiana and Aridzoneduh went up!

comrad_darkness August 20, 2012 at 10:21 am

>Eric Cantor (R-Va.), who was the senior most GOP lawmaker in Israel on the trip, was so upset about the antics that he rebuked the 30 lawmakers the morning after the Aug. 18, 2011, incident, saying they were distracting from the mission of the trip.

Yeah, Eric, wouldn't want boozing and swimming to get in the way of kowtowing to a foreign nation that spies on us. Right? Frankly, I'd feel better if the congresspeople had boozed and swum the entire trip.

HedonismBot August 20, 2012 at 10:27 am

Frankly, I'd feel great if the entire Republican caucus did nothing but get boozed up every day, instead of voting in Congress.

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 12:27 pm

John Boehner is proof that they can do both.

Chow Yun Flat August 20, 2012 at 10:22 am

Kevin Yoder wanted to get naked while he fantasized he was a women so he stripped while abroad.

Joshua Norton August 20, 2012 at 10:23 am

They were just testing the water for the Jesusland theme park they want to build.

Kid_Charlemagne August 20, 2012 at 10:23 am

After a long night of drinking God only knows what they did at the Wailing Wall.

nowave August 20, 2012 at 10:23 am

This story had promise. I was waiting for the drowning. I guess God is a Republican like they say.

Mumbletypeg August 20, 2012 at 10:26 am

All this crass, degenerate fun on their part could only have been sexier had someone brought bath salts.

not that Dewey August 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

"Republican Freshmen Chew Off Each Others' Faces"

Has a nice ring to it.

AddHomonym August 20, 2012 at 11:12 am

They should have had no problem finding falafels.

ManchuCandidate August 20, 2012 at 10:27 am

The sad fact is that in Aqua Teen Hungerforce's world, the GOPers are Handbanana.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAKL3Og-zGc

Limeylizzie August 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

Can I get pregnant from being in the lake at the same time as the GOP ? Ask Todd Akin.

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Only if you are white.

Dudleydidwrong August 20, 2012 at 10:28 am

No big deal. They were baptizing themselves in the holiest of holy waters. Afterward they went and celebrated holy communion with bread and wine–lots and lots of wine. (The lots and lots of wine before the baptism was just the catechism instruction and practice.) So you see, it is all very religious. ("God, this water's cold. My winkie! I can't find my winkie!")

HedonismBot August 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

Gonads Out Party

Mumbletypeg August 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

"In other news: the Dead Sea is still dead."

tessiee August 20, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Well, if it wasn't to begin with, it sure is now.

sudsmckenzie August 20, 2012 at 10:30 am

Galilee Shore.

seppdecker August 20, 2012 at 10:32 am

To be fair, Jesus took all his dates out to the Sea of Galilee for some wine and skinny-dippin'.

RadioBowels August 20, 2012 at 10:35 am

Surprise, surprise, a congressman is a floater.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 10:37 am

That's a mighty fine piece of writing.

Beowoof August 20, 2012 at 10:39 am

Well Jeebus liked to drink as he turned the water into wine. I think these guys were hoping the water would turn to wine and they could stay drunk all the time. With apology to Canned Heat.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

The Non-Stick Gospels: fine for the flock, but too limiting for the swingin' rich and powerful.

Zombie_Reagan August 20, 2012 at 10:42 am

I wonder how this trip was financed?

Because I would hate to learn that the so-called party of fiscal responsibility used public funds for this Jesus-land booze cruise. That would mean they are hypocrites, and that's impossible.

viennawoods13 August 20, 2012 at 11:07 am

Financed by a pro-Israel group.

BZ1 August 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

Yoder said, " I just want to apologize to my constituents for a momentary lapse in judgment." Shouldn't that be the other way around?

Boojum August 20, 2012 at 12:31 pm

ISWYDT. With votes.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 10:44 am

There were also Biblically-authentic "harlots" and "women taken in adultery" at this Holy Lands Role Play.

PubOption August 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

Does Yoder in strange syntax talk?

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 10:53 am

Dude, we just had a three-way with this meme!

MosesInvests August 20, 2012 at 11:46 am

Yoder while dropping trou: "OOYL" (only once you live)

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 11:49 am

ha!

tessiee August 20, 2012 at 1:30 pm

All the Republicans in strange syntax talk, if me you ask.

smitallica August 20, 2012 at 10:50 am

This is about the only action taken by the GOP in a couple decades I can support.

Chet Kincaid_ August 20, 2012 at 10:52 am

Yoda used to let it all hang out at the Jedi Council Off-Sites, also. "My third leg, feast your eyes on!!"

prommie August 20, 2012 at 11:45 am

Obviously no shrinkage issues for Yoda, then?

thatsitfortheother1 August 20, 2012 at 10:55 am

They'll never get that taste out of the fish.

Mumbletypeg August 20, 2012 at 10:55 am

If 'manners maketh man' as someone said
He's the hero of the day.
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.
'Be yourself, no matter what they say'
— "Englishman in New York"

An_Outhouse August 20, 2012 at 10:59 am

Here is representative Tom Reed:
http://www.buffalonews.com/city/capital-connectio

Thank FSM, they decided to do their swimming at night and so far, no photos.

MacRaith August 20, 2012 at 11:00 am

Look on the bright side: Any time they spent skinny-dipping in the Sea of Galilee was time that they didn't spend actively trying to destroy American democracy. So go swimmin' with bow-legged women all you want, guys. Hell, I won't even complain about my tax dollars footing the bill. Just don't take any pictures, OK?

ingloriousbytch August 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

"And the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity."

Baby if you've ever wondered
Wondered whatever became of me
I'm living on the air in Cincinnati
Cincinnati WKRP

a_pink_poodle August 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

Amen. The Lord prank you.

fuflans August 20, 2012 at 11:18 am

so THIS is what legitimate rape looks like.

BarackMyWorld August 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

You just can't be around congresspeople and not expect to see a dick.

Mittens Howell, III August 20, 2012 at 11:30 am

Vaginas, Holy sites, these fools don't know how anything works.

schvitzatura August 20, 2012 at 11:38 am

From Yoder's bio:

Representative Yoder has been appointed by Speaker of the House John Boehner to serve on the Gallaudet University Board of Trustees.

How does one signify "derp" in ASL?

MosesInvests August 20, 2012 at 11:47 am

Yoder's name sign-"V" handshape brought sharply to the forehead (sign for "stupid")

RhinestoneEater August 21, 2012 at 12:29 am

Well, he's fucked.

Gallaudet students don't put up with any shit.

prommie August 20, 2012 at 11:44 am

I have to say that I am unequivocally in favor of late-night skinny-dipping and even most other forms of nekkid swimming, and I would be a total hypocrite to condemn these folks for doing it. In fact, it just might mean that there is hope for them as human beings, and at least they got some fun in them. So god for them.

bobbert August 20, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Yeah, drunken skinny-dipping on a junket is not likely the most reprehensible thing these jack-offs have ever done (see, e.g., their votes in Congress).

Troglodeity August 20, 2012 at 11:57 am

Maybe it would be a good idea for a man who parades around naked and drunk in front of the children of others to be put on some sort of watch list.

chicken_thief August 20, 2012 at 11:59 am

Ok, so Yoder was all nakey and such. Because Jesus, of course.

But how many of the group pissed in that water?

Guppy August 20, 2012 at 12:09 pm

If there's one thing I learned from my Bible study, it's that nakedness plus drunkenness plus Holy Land equals hot father-daughter threesome incest sexytime!

It may also include father-son incest sexytime, but that bit about Noah and Ham is notoriously vague.

"Answers in Genesis" indeed!

owhatever August 20, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Did he obey the sign: Do not pee in the Galilee

SayItWithWookies August 20, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Naked and drunk and defiling a holy site? Wow — it's good to know that every so often even a Republican can do something I approve of.

ttommyunger August 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Sure, I've done that-but not with a bunch of dudes……..WTF?

thurufally August 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Put your hand on the hand of the man
Whose name is Yoder
Put your hand on the member of the man
Who's butt naked in the sea
Take a look at yourself
And you'll start looking at men differently
By giving a hand job to the Kansan man
From the GOP
Kev promised momma he'd come out
Before he took office in '11
She knows when he's on his knees
That's when he's closest to heaven
Kev longs to live his life with a man as his wife
So he can screw what he wants to screw
But he blows more than enough
To get him through, oh yeh!
So, put your hand down the waistband of the man
Who gets his jollies in the water
Put your hand on the member of the man
From the GOP
Take a look at yourself
And you'll be thinking of men differently
By giving a hand job to the Kansan man
From the GOP

Apologies to G. Maclellan

RhinestoneEater August 21, 2012 at 12:33 am

Ha! We sang that song in my librul Lutheran church when I was a kid!

tessiee August 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I've never watched that show, but the building super looks annoyed that the pool is full of food.

icanhazpbr August 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"I just wanted to see the place where my Lord and Saviour walked on water, and dip my balls in it."

finallyhappy August 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

As to be expected- AIPAC paid for this – and it cost $10,000 a person(that is what it cost for my family of 4 to go) so plenty of booze/food/pandering was done by Israel

Negropolis August 21, 2012 at 2:29 am

Classy with a capital K the GOP is.

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