warning: this lagoon may be SocialistThe last time we checked in with Iceland, it was in the heady days of 2009. The world economy had collapsed, taking Iceland with it, and the Prime Minister, the Foreign Minister, the Commerce Ministers had all found very pressing reasons to quit, the political process would soon degenerate into a flurry of egg-throwing, and a massive volcano would unleash screaming Scottish people onto the streets and airports of the capital city. Goodbye, Iceland, we thought. Have fun in the Third World, as they call it, and let us know how it is because we will be joining you soon! It turns out, however, that Iceland did NOT in fact descend into ruin but in an unexpected twist, decided that it would be wiser to push banking sector losses onto bondholders instead of taxpayers. AYN RAND IS GOING TO BE SO MAD, YOU GUYS.

“Iceland has made significant achievements since the crisis,” Daria V. Zakharova, IMF mission chief to the island, said in an interview. “We have a very positive outlook on growth, especially for this year and next year because it appears to us that the growth is broad based…. The fact that Iceland managed to preserve the social welfare system in the face of a very sizeable fiscal consolidation is one of the major achievements under the program and of the Icelandic government,” Zakharova said. The program benefited from “strong implementation, reflecting ownership on the part of the authorities,” she said. […]

In Iceland, the krona’s 80 percent plunge against the euro offshore in 2008 helped turn a trade deficit into a surplus by the end of the same year. Unemployment, which jumped nine-fold between 2007 and 2010, eased to 4.8 percent in June from a peak of 9.3 percent two years ago.

OBVIOUSLY reality in Iceland has a liberal bias, so let’s take this report with a grain of salt. But in the meantime, here are a few  fun facts about Iceland for those interested in moving there with us when we eventually wriggle out from under the bootheel of American-style late stage capitalism: Pros include the fact that it is gay friendly (the Prime Minister is a lesbian), dynamic (the constitution is crowdsourced), and has a good health care system (plus it only takes six months of residency to qualify for subsidized treatment in said health care system, which is nationalized). It is, however, Socialist, so it is surely filled with suffering and lacking in Liberty.


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  • Billmatic

    Unfortunately it has Bjork.

    • RadioBowels

      I heard Rifalca is a big Sugarcube fan.

    • Fortunately, she keeps the swan population in check.

      • My sister vuz bitten by a svån vunce

        • In real life, *I* was bitten by a swan when I was 4. Fucker left a semicircular cut on my finger. No realli!

          • eggsacklywright

            They are vicious barsets. And butt-ugly up close.

          • Misty Malarky

            Iceland also produced Gunnar Hansen, the original Leatherface from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. I met him once, and he was a a very nice man.

      • Billmatic

        Swans, now that's a band.

        • mull_man

          YES. Cops (1984). Amazing.

    • Some of us see that as a feature, since it means she's there and not here

    • TribecaMike

      One of the best tennis players ever.

    • Guppy

      But doesn't that mean it has lesbian robot sexytime there?

    • Yoko on Ice.

    • eggsacklywright

      Rolling Stone cover from years ago:

      Bjork: animal, vegetable, or mineral?

    • WhiteyMcFlyover

      According to an Icelandic ex, that accent is a put on. It's their equivalent of an East Texas Boomhaur drawl.

    • Biff

      No island can contain her!

    • We'd be a better country if we had more Bjorks here.

      • Billmatic

        Well she does have an army of her.

    • lochnessmonster

      I was goingto say they have Bjork going for them!

  • nounverb911

    Does this mean that Icelandair is offering $200 roundtrips to Europe again like it did in the 70's?

    • IonaTrailer

      Yes, but once you get there, you won't be able to afford that $32 beer or that $50 plate of frites.

    • larrykat

      I was on one of those in 1979 – it was still called Loftleider I think at the time…

    • That was my first trip to Europe. Loftlieder changed my life. And I actually like Bjork, too. So, hooray for Iceland!

  • Lot_49

    Nice place, toasty-warm with geothermal energy, looks beautiful on Google Maps. Could use a few trees, though.

    • nounverb911

      Only if they are the right height.

    • larrykat

      And some of the most attractive people in world, at least to Western eyes…

      • CapeClod

        Could use a deeper gene pool, though.

  • Come here a minute

    The citizenship test requires you to correctly pronounce "Eyjafjallajökull", so start practicing!

    • chicken_thief

      What does that mean – "I want to fuck your skull?"

  • It is, however, Socialist, so it is surely filled with suffering and lacking in Liberty.

    Have you ever tried to walk around Reykjavik in winter? They don't mind being imprisoned after September.

    • WhatTheHeck

      But they are Vikings. They love that frozen air.

  • Pragmatist2

    For visiting GOP House members, there are plenty of thermal springs to skinny-dip in. Oh, and lots of friendly sheep.

    • nounverb911

      The thermal springs are good for making teabagger tea.

  • Hollow victory since they got better just in time for God to melt their country. Ha!Haa!!!

    • calliecallie

      Iceland is green, it's Greenland that's icy.

      • That's what I am saying. God did it once and He'll do it again and again until they repent!!

    • lulzmonger

      Not only is it not melting but Iceland is actually slowly fracturing apart & GROWING, just like Mauna Loa.

      God is doing it wrong.

  • SorosBot

    Don't they know that the solution to the crisis is to embrace austerity, cutting government spending and services so that spending and unemployment keep increasing, which will fix the economy by magic? I mean look how well that's working in Greece, Spain, Ireland and the United Kingdom!

    • Iceland also had tighter regulations against lead paint thus fewer tools ingesting them.

    • PsycWench

      I thought that all you needed was tax cuts.

      • HistoriCat

        Oh no – there must be pain! How will those peasants – I mean people – ever learn to make do with less if you keep giving them stuff?

  • Schmannnity

    Risk takers bearing the risk? How is that possible?

    • eggsacklywright

      They listened to Paul Krugmansdottir.

      • kingofmeh

        don't call him dottir.

        • horsedreamer_1

          What do you know? You're just an elderly woman in a small town.

    • e_z

      It's those damn Socialists again, they hate those poor risk takers.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Don't they know if the risk takers assume the risk, they might not want to take on risk in the future?

    • chicken_thief

      That's why stupid socialists are so stupid – because they are stupid and try to punish the jerb creators for nearly wrecking the world economy.

      And they are just jealous of success, too. Also.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Wonder if Kris has some Pharma- grade substance this morning.

  • viennawoods13

    Iceland is in the North Atlantic. Its capital city is Reykjavik.

    • scionkirk

      It was founded by guys with pointy hats

      • SorosBot

        And beards and big axes.

        • chicken_thief

          The Capital One gang.

    • foxypuppet

      The answer is C, Walter Cronkite.

      • HistoriCat

        You are there!

  • Serolf_Divad

    Too bad they didn't emulate the Irish government's in no way insane decision to guarantee all foreign investment against loss from their treasury.

    • Lot_49

      That commitment, along with low corporate taxes and illegal birth control, have led to an unending economic boom that ended in 2008.

      • Generation[redacted]

        That prosperity driven by austerity measures is documented in the feel-good book of the summer, Angela's Ashes.

  • freakishlywrong

    So..are we still on track to become Greece?

    • US Amercia to Greece: "You're the one that I want… oooh oooh (to emulate.)!"

    • chicken_thief

      Ya. Of course. And Sharia Law is coming. And the geyh's are polluting our minds like a Republican Congressman's nakie swim polluted Israel, and so on.

      If FDR had been a Republican, he would have said "We have nothing to fear but not being fearful enough."

    • DahBoner

      Does John Travolta like a nice back massage?

    • Just Rhode Island, since it and Greece have about the same GDP. Here in Wis. we have to wait for South Africa to become Greece (?) and in Texas, they have to wait for Canada to become Greece before they can become Greece…
      It's all in this here Strange Map:

  • Baconzgood


    • chicken_thief

      Is that "pork" in Icelandic?

  • slithytoves

    Yeah, all good things, true. But it sounds like it's so cold there…

    • freakishlywrong

      Not for long!

    • SorosBot

      Nah, the lava keeps things warm; thus all the natural jacuzzis to relax in.

  • LastGasp

    The small island nation is ranked among the happiest and healthiest in the world, despite financial crisis, volcanoes, and straight-up darkness.

    I want to go to there!

    • chicken_thief

      I thought they led the world in alcoholism. Not that is anything wrong with that….

      • emmelemm

        Actually, I think that's Greenland, followed closely by the Scandinavian countries, particularly Finland.

      • Caelan Aegana

        They're near the top of the list in caffeine consumption too.

  • IonaTrailer


    "Put that sheep down".


  • Baconzgood

    I heard that Icelandic is the hardest language to learn.

    • IonaTrailer

      Worse than Hungarian?

      • WhatTheHeck

        But a little easier than a Texan drawl.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Or Welsh?

    • doloras

      Er, not at all. The Vikings raped and pillaged enough that we share a lot of vocab with Icelanders. You just have to get used to letters like þ and ð, which we used to have in English before the wimpy French threw out those manly Nordic consonants.

  • Estproph

    Yeah, but that's Iceland.We can't be expected in the United States to be able to keep up with them.

  • Goonemeritus

    If the Northeastern states wish to secede does anyone think Iceland would be willing to form a commonwealth?

    • moar_plz

      Any union between Icelanders and Red Sox fans would be doomed from the start.

  • Iceland, which started EU membership talks in 2010 with euro-area membership an ultimate goal, is starting to question whether accession to the trade and currency bloc is the right way forward as the region’s debt crisis deepens.

    Oh come on, Iceland — just because the ship is sinking a little doesn't mean it's going down completely. Besides, the water's fine.

  • If banks owned their own Predator drones, these filthy hippies would be pining for the fiords instead of boasting about skipping out on their debts!

  • WhatTheHeck

    So all the incarcerated fallen angels are now being expelled from their frozen volcanoes into the melting Icelandic moonscape. Well, there goes my salted cod for breakfast.

  • Beowoof

    Hey with Mittens thinking the Soviet Union is on the rise and our biggest global concern they can raise the rent on Keflavik air base and have teabaggers taxes financing their socialism. Win.

  • IonaTrailer

    Also, most of the population is related.

    • Beowoof

      And yet they seem so much more rational than our teabilly inbred fucktards.

    • WhiteyMcFlyover

      True fact! The President they got rid of was my ex girlfriends uncle. I thought that was pretty cool. She said that he was an idiot even before he went into politics, and reminded me he represents about as many people as a Chicago alderman.

    • emmelemm

      Everybody's somebody's dottir.

      • doloras

        Hans Jónsson is right!

    • vulpes82

      They also have a bit of Inuit in them, probably from some Greenlander who brought back his native wife upon abandoning Greenland for the balmy shores of Iceland.

  • SexySmurf

    Also their entire military is just Magnús Ver Magnússon.

    • Hey, the guy can lift an aircraft carrier. Would you need more?

  • So, the bad thing is having a Muslim leader, not a Socialist?

    • IonaTrailer

      As long as she a lesbian.

      • chicken_thief

        They all eat fish up there.

      • So, you are saying we should have gone with Hillary all along.

  • UnholyMoses

    Sorry, but living on an ice-covered volcano that's in the arctic circle and straddles two continental plates doesn't interest me.

    Tempting, but no.

    • UW8316154

      Iceland does have elves and trolls, so there is *that*.

      • Angry_Marmot

        So does the comments section at the Onion AV Club.

  • MissTaken

    Their volcano started the French Revolution. I like Iceland.

    • SorosBot

      And hey, they give us about a new inch of crust per year, for which we can be thankful.

    • and their volcano provided me an extra week of vacation in the (not revolting) south of france.

      i like them very much indeed.

    • I have a volcano that can start a revolution, if you know what I mean.

      • emmelemm

        You are very saucy this morning, sir!

        • I had a very nice weekend, with an excellent dinner on Friday. Always helps.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Iceland will be a tropical paradise in 10 years thanks to climate change. Sign me the fuck up!

  • orygoon

    Lawrence Millman, a writer I like a lot, did an essay (pre-Recession) on a trip he made to Iceland. It was the midsummer festival, or maybe just a regular Friday night in the warm months. Everybody was outside, everybody over about age 10 was drunk, and everybody was having a great time. A guy got friendly with him and chatted him up. He was a prisoner on a weekend furlough. What was he in for? Murdering his wife. But it seemed like the weekends party thing is for *everyone*, no exceptions. The guy said it was a little tough for prisoners who didn't get back by curfew, because they would be locked out, and then they had no place to sleep.

    Mind you, I still want very much to go there–maybe more than ever.

  • calliecallie

    I love that clip of the screaming Scot in the Hooters sweatshirt. I happened to actually see that interview at the time. I can never hear the word Iceland without hearing that Scot. For me it's one of those great live TV moments, right up there with "George Bush hates black people."

  • ChernobylSoup

    Unfortunately, their trade surplus is overly dependent on the export of consonants. Once the Balkins get it together and start exporting their supply, the consonant market is going to crash.

  • OzoneTom

    Goat's head in the deli case
    Oh sweet angel-angel-bearded face
    Paper mache parade on at night
    That's what you do with no sunlight
    In the tropical tropical
    Tropical ice-land

  • marconidarwin

    Maybe Iceland can be our penal colony after Gitmo sinks into the Atlantic. They do not have global warming there, and Obamacare in Iceland means they already have FEMA camps and death panels.

  • owhatever

    It is now safe for Republican congressmen to skinny dip in Icelandic waters.

  • PsycWench

    " It is, however, Socialist, so it is surely filled with suffering and lacking in Liberty."

    This must be like the suffering and emptiness I am told that I experience as an atheist. I feel pretty happy and content so if this is misery, I'll take it.

  • Redrighthand

    I was there last week and I assure you it is filled with bread lines and suffering all over the place. For real you guys. so bad.

    • Angry_Marmot

      That was a Bergman festival.

  • SorosBot

    Icelanders are also lucky because their Thor has become one of the few ancient gods to become active in the modern world; and does so protecting humans, unlike those douchebags Loki and Ares.

  • They eat canned rotten shark. It may be their bargaining advantage… close-quarters talks with rancid shark on their breath

    • IonaTrailer

      "and has a very particular ammonia-rich smell and fishy taste, similar to very strong cheese slathered in ammonia."

      Mmmm – bon appetite!

    • eggsacklywright

      That's the one area that I am not enthusiastic about. Bourdain did an episode there and the jellied fish intestines and eyeballs did not appeal.

    • new_pic_for_NEWTer

      Those new to it will usually gag involuntarily on the first attempt…
      Huh, same reaction I have with Rebuplicunts, but every time is like the first time.

  • scionkirk

    Their lax immigration policy will change once they realized the 'Iceland is green and Greenland is icy' secret is out.

    • sewollef

      That was the little joke the Vikings played on us all, back in the 800's or whenever. I think they wanted to keep North America to themselves.

  • TribecaMike

    I'll reserve judgment until IMF agent Jim Phelps whips off his mask and weighs in.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Ethan Hunt can suck a grenade. Dude can't seem to go a single mission without getting disavowed.

  • Guppy

    (the constitution is crowdsourced)

    On the one hand, that's easy to do when your country's population contains exactly one ethnic group.

    On the other hand, that's easy to do when your country's constitution isn't considered inviolate scripture.

    • HistoriCat

      On the third hand, that's easy to do when close to half your country's population is NOT mouth-breathing ignoramuses.

  • SorosBot

    And just think, these are the Europeans who "discovered" America first – then promptly forgot about it. If the "Skræling" Native Americans hadn't been too tough for even the Vikings, we might all be speaking Icelandic now.

  • Hey Iceland and other financially-iffy countries! Here's the plan:

    Step 1: Encourage Pixar to make a movie based on your scenery and folklore.
    Step 2: Feature the movie in a tourism campaign.
    Step 3: Solvency!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    The global economy coordinally invites Ayn Rand to fellate its supply curve.

  • Generation[redacted]

    (the constitution is crowdsourced)

    Their constitution is full of cat pictures and rickrolls?

    • emmelemm

      Hee hee!

  • BZ1

    Iceland actually stepped back from the brink, and looked at the a*holes that were pushing it …

  • ttommyunger

    Them Lesbos know a thing or two about licking a situation.

  • Iceland has records of everyone who has been there in the past 1000 years. That and Sigur Ros.

  • elgin_pelican

    They don't eat that sheep's stomach thing, right? That's some different place, right? Count me in.

  • MinAgain

    I hear the Icelandic people are very attractive. Which is fortunate, since they have to huddle for warmth 11 months out of the year.

  • poorgradstudent

    Real serious economic reform and fiscal responsibility is for helping plutocrats not a bunch of poors, duh.

  • DahBoner

    Taxes? What about taxes? Do they pay taxes there?

    Unlike the Teabagger Paradise of Somolia (where no Teabaggers want to go for some strange reason, although you would think Rentboys would be quite reasonably priced there…)

  • dennis1943

    Isn't "No Such Thing" a true story….?

  • moar_plz

    So the IMF has a positive outlook on a country that did THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE of what the IMF always recommends. You aced the test, Iceland!

  • Isn't beer eight bucks a bottle there? It's real beer, unlike American shit, but still…

  • Warpde

    Even worse then all mentioned Iceland is heading to full blown loonie socialists

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