derp derp where's the civility

The State Department Now Responding To ‘HILLARY VP???” Questions With Poetry

Is this a Hillary picture?The very serious “DUMP BIDEN 4 HILLARY?” speculation that our pal Ed Henry questioned the White House press secretary about yesterday got a real kick today when author Ed Klein, who’s right up there with World Net Daily in terms of credibility, reported (/talked to his own butt) that Hillary Clinton rejected the vice presidency two weeks ago. The Weekly Standard went seeking confirmation and got a nice little poem from one of Clinton’s aides in response.

But the secretary of state’s staff is denying that this reported lunch between Clinton and top Obama aide Valerie Jarrett even took place, ever.

In an email from a State Department spokesman to THE WEEKLY STANDARD, Philippe Reines, a longtime Clinton confidant, channels his inner Dr. Seuss to shoot down the report:

“This did not happen
“They did not have lunch
“They did not have any meal
“They did not meet this month
“They did not meet last month
“They did not meet in 2012
“They did not meet in 2011, 2010, 2009
“This is not happening
“Truth is that Ed Klein is an idiot with not a shred of credibility
“Truth is that Ed Klein’s motto is ‘If at first you don’t succeed, lie lie again.’”

National Security Council spokesperson Tommy Vietor added, “Happening now in Dan’s cubicle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjoMQJf5vKI.” (It is a video called “Beating a Dead Horse.”) Weekly Standard scribe Daniel Halper mused that Vietor may have been referring to the cubicle of White House communications director Dan Pfeiffer, after which Vietor told Halper, “By the way, I was definitely referring to your cubicle.”

These Democrats are the meanest sort of people. Why can’t they make Hillary Clinton vice president right now just to get the conservative media off their backs?

[Weekly Standard]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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171 comments

  1. Baconzgood

    I gotta say that response is FUCKING AWSOME!!!!!!

    I wonder what commenter he is on Wonkette..

    1. Beowoof

      I for one am loving these guys actually fighting back instead of just rolling over and playing dead.

      1. MittBorg

        Me too! And Soledad O'Brien is publicly gutting and filleting the last of the loons. The Opsec people just got new assholes from her today.

      1. MittBorg

        For they stared too long into the abyss, and we all know what results.

        Is it wrong of me to enjoy this so much? Is it just part of the kray-kray cycle and I'll crash like a mammoth when reality hits again? Ah, fuck it. Pour me another. It's Friday. Let the ass-kicking commence!

      1. MittBorg

        No shit. I'd grab you and dance around the room, but I haz a gimp. It's like a million Democrats suddenly, simultaneously grew spines.

    2. AncienReggie

      I wish i could take this as a signal they're about to send federal troops into Pennsylvania and Ohio to enforce the right to vote. (Or at least officially ask Amnesty International to send an observer team.)

      1. MittBorg

        I wish that too, with all my heart. But with the Republicans flipping out like demented lemmings in breeding season, they might not need to. I have a horrible feeling the Republican convention will degenerate into a free-for-all (which I sincerely hope it doesn't, because even if Republicans often annoy me, I can't wish that kind of harm on anybody) and the outcome will be a landslide for the President.

        1. janicket

          I'm counting on the Paulbots to stage an insurrection that leaves the convention in a shambles that makes Somalia look like a well-ordered society.

          1. MittBorg

            You *know* it's gonna happen. Just yesterday, the pro-life Xtians FINALLY got wind of Romney's abortion munnies ($50 million), and the RonPaultrads are doing a Scream-and-Leap attack that would make the Kzin proud. I don't know what-all's gonna happen, but I'm tellin' ya, from where I sit it don't look good.

    1. MittBorg

      Don't SAY that! Rafalca was just interviewed by Esquire, and said some mean (but true) things about Mitt&Ann. I hope they didn't send the poor little horsie to the glue factory.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        I caught bits of the Ann's NBC interview last night. I had to stop watching it because I didn't want to throw up my stomach.

        1. MittBorg

          That must've been worse than even I thought. Was that the one where she leaned in close to the interviewer hissing about the GALL of the little people in attacking her and Mitt for their munnies?

          1. MilwaukeeKent

            Well, after all, we ARE those people, with small minds, like "The Nail Lady" who can vote and rude questions about personal finances, most indiscreet, we are.

          2. MittBorg

            I think "The Nail Ladies" would be a perfect name for an all-girl punk band.

            But seriously, the snobbish attitude of the Romneys just really chaps my hide. The same elitist motherfuckers who can't lick Mitt's boots enough dare to call our Blah President "uppitty!"

          3. MilwaukeeKent

            Now, now, Rove laid down the rule after Obama won, "Don't say 'uppity', call him 'arrogant' instead." A little like Lee Atwater's "don't drop N-bombs, refer instead to 'States Rights" [quote not exact].

            Obviously any perceived arrogance of the Romneys is just "those people" being small-minded. Makes me proud to be one of those people.

          4. Butch_Wagstaff

            Isn't that pretty much EVERY interview with Ann?
            Shit, they should have just had her on, stroking another fuckin' pony…
            Interviewer: What about all the other tax returns?
            Ann (blank look): I'm sorry, what are those?
            Interviewer: The other tax returns that haven't been released?
            Ann (smiles): I'm sorry I don't know what you mean. There are no such things in Pony-Prancing Land. (looks endearingly at pony) Isn't that right, Princess Millions?

    1. MittBorg

      I think it also proves that a certain SorosBot might be rinsing his underroos in a certain Miss's sink soon. (Leers helpfully at SorosBot)

        1. widestanceromance

          I think MB used the world's strangest euphemism ever for something else, whatever that might be.

          1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I am pretty sure it is physically impossible for two people with p-ness as large as yours to hug.

  2. coolhandnuke

    I said what I meant, I meant what I said,
    I’m hung like an elephant,
    and I pooped in your bed.
    –Handsome Joe

      1. coolhandnuke

        Your praise is too generous, but much appreciated. I does ease the sting–to craft some therapeutic words–after hearing my 400 page outlaw love song will not be published.

    1. Callyson

      Now we know what Jill Biden sees in him…

      JK, I like good ol' Joe, but somehow, I can believe the hung like an elephant bit…

  3. DrunkIrishman

    We'll be waist deep in Obama's second term and these fucking rumors will continue to float around the interwebs because some people are so fucking dense, so fucking devoid of reality, that they can't accept Hillary Clinton will never be Obama's veep. You'd think these fuckers would take a hint but obviously not.

    1. MittBorg

      I fully expect that, a decade or more from now when I am lowered into my grave, the cretins of every city and county will speak in hushed tones of a Blah President who once took the hand of the Golden-Haired VeepLady and brought the country back from oblivion.

    1. AncienReggie

      No, you're thinking of Morris, Dick Morris. Which oddly enough also means "fecal fungus" in Basque.

    1. gullywompr

      Nah, she's done with statesmanship. She'll be moving over to work with an NGO or two on international women's issues. She'll make an impact doing that, also too.

    2. bikerlaureate

      HRC / Warren 2016 ?

      With Sanders as Secretary of Awesomeness, and maybe Franken as National Security Adviser ??

  4. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Let's see, since now all it takes to be a news story is to have people with no influence on the other side speculate about something that no one on the side that matter cares about, can we get all the liberal blogs to start posting about when Paul Ryan will ask Romney to step down so he can run for president because of all his gaffs and flip flops?

    I would love to see how Romney's spokesperson will handle that when Ed Henry asks if Romney will step down for the good of the ticket.

  5. An_Outhouse

    Is all this because Snowbilly is under contract to flap her yap with Van Sustern and couldn't think of anything to say so went with 'replace Biden'? Really? This is our political discourse? We live in bizarro world.

  6. SexySmurf

    There once was a handsome old Joe
    Who people said had to go.
    It's a big fucking deal
    They did not have any meal.
    Ed Klein is a media ho.

  7. Mittens Howell, III

    That Mitt-I-am
    That Mitt-I-am
    I do not like that Mitt-I-am

    I do not like your whiteboard sham
    I do not like your off-shore scams

    I would not like you over here
    I would not like you over there
    I would not like you anywhere

    I do not like your Medicare 'plan'
    I do not like you Mitt-I-am

    1. MittBorg

      This is how much I liked your comment: I tried to upfist it and ID told me I HAD ALREADY VOTED ON IT!!!

      Which means I voted on it RETROACTIVELY!

  8. coolhandnuke

    Ode to Ed Klein

    Now, please
    don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.
    It could be, perhaps, that
    his panties were too tight.
    Or it could be that his wingnuts weren't screwed
    on just right.
    But I think that the most likely reason of all… may
    have been that his dick was two sizes too small.

  9. MacRaith

    Ah, so if the meeting where she rejected the vice presidency never took place, then Hillary Clinton DIDN'T reject the vice presidency! She's on the ticket, folks!

      1. gullywompr

        Funny balls! Get that guy a gig here on Wonkette!

        Or, maybe we should all be spokespersons…

    1. vodkamuppet

      Barney Frank has been killing it for years! It's nice to see him finally get some company, just in time for retirement.

  10. Joshua Norton

    Wingnutz want Hillary on the ticket so they can use up the gigabytes of nasty articles they have stored on their hard drives just waiting for them to press "print".

    This is probably their last chance.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    I did not veep her in a plane
    I did not veep her on a train
    I did not veep her in a box
    I did not veep her with a fox
    I did not veep her in her sleep
    I did not veep her with a sheep
    I did not veep her here or there
    I did not veep her anywhere.

    (It's fun to make the word 'veep' sound like a really filthy verb.)

  12. pinkocommi

    It is good to write like Dr Seuss when communicating with conservatives since they are no smarter than the average 6 year old.

  13. Sharkey

    You're a monster Mr. Klein
    Your heart deserves some pain
    Your brain is full of spiders
    You’ve got garlic in your soul Mr. Klein
    I wouldn’t touch you with a
    39 and a half Foot chain

  14. Chet Kincaid_

    Monsieur Reines' poem is even lovelier in the original French…

    ILS N'ONT PAS

    Ce n'est pas arrivé
    Ils n'ont pas eu le déjeuner
    Ils n'ont pas tous les repas
    Ils ne répondaient pas ce mois-ci
    Ils ne répondaient pas le mois dernier
    Ils ne répondaient pas en 2012
    Ils ne répondaient pas en 2011, 2010, 2009
    Ce n'est pas le cas
    La vérité est que Ed Klein est un idiot de ne pas l'ombre d'une crédibilité
    La vérité est que la devise Ed Klein est, "Si au début vous ne réussissez pas, mentir mentir encore."

    …or so Google Translate would have us believe.

        1. Katydid

          ha! i have been away so long, my pee is so low…although I just got up to 100, yay for me!

          I've been working from home a lot, so I get to play during the day.

  15. SorosBot

    Media blowhards really should stop pointlessly speculating on flights of fancy that are just not going to happen. No reelection campaign has ever switched the VP nominee in modern times; the last time it happened was when Ford replaced Rockefeller with Dole back in 76, and even then it was special circumstances where neither the President or VP had ever been elected; before that the last time it happened was when FDR replaced Henry Wallace with Truman, and that was a different era when the party selected the VP nominee and not the (candidate for) President.

    It's not gonna happen; a sitting President today would drop a VP due to death or major scandal. Stop it.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      McGovern-Eagleton in '72, replaced by McGovern-Shriver, there's that. But all this talk is so much wishful thinking the Right is trying to get traction with, absolutely without luck. If they could get the President to have to address it it would throw Obama off-balance (which I don't thnk can be done) and distract discussion from Medicare scares and tax returns. The bump from Ryan was smaller than expected and has likely peaked already, so what next for them? They don't know either. They're one accidental weapons discharge at the Tampa Convention away from looming disaster. This "Biden unift, replace w/ Hilary" meme must have been thought up by Luntz or Rove under the influence of a head-pounding hangover and too little sleep.

          1. MittBorg

            Hahaha. Oh god. No need to. Half my Catholic friends have "Irish twins." "But the doctor said I *couldn't* get pregnant while BREASTfeeding!"

    2. Negropolis

      I still think there is a possibility simply for the fact that Biden isn't running, and I can't imagine Obama wanting to leave 2016 open. I always doubted he'd do it in his first term, but I always got the sense that before the convention when he essentially asked Hillary to stand down there was some kind of exchange, like she gets an option in a second term if she wants it.

      I do not for a minute believe someone as shrewd as her and who could have caused so much mischief sat down with him and got nothing but the SoS seat out of it. People who followed this very closely (myself included and a rather non-partisan way, which is to say I'd have been happy with either and wasn't as convinced about Obama as his early, rabid supporters seemed to be) remember how voltile the late-spring/early summer months were after the South Dakota primary. There was all kinds of talk about the possibility of an issurrection at the convention until Hillary had to tell her people to stand down.

      1. viennawoods13

        Realize that I am Canadian so I have no direct interest in this- except that it's fascinating and I live right across Lake Erie from Ohio, so in case of invasion I'm right on the front line.

        However, the biggest argument against Hilary as prez was in my opinion her name. Seriously. Is the US an oligarchy or what?
        41- Bush 42-Clinton 43- Bush 44-Clinton . Especially with all the buzz about Jeb being likely to run in future, that sounds more like a banana republic than a democracy.

      2. MittBorg

        He paid off her debts, remember. She was a *terrible* money manager and ended her campaign in HUGE debt, with LOTS of angry small-businesspeople who had extended her campaign credit. She did not pay them timely, and by the time of the convention, a lot of people were really upset with her. Obama very graciously offered to help pay off her debts, and he did. Obama would NEVER have given Hillary his right-hand position. He's a hella strategic thinker, and that would have been a death sentence for him, lurking in the shadow of the Clintons.

  16. marconidarwin

    Shh, it is really CLINTON PALIN 2012. Todd was meant to be VEEP… or CREEP, one of the two, I'm sure.

  17. Mittens Howell, III

    Here's an easy game to play.
    Here's an easy thing to say….

    Low tax.
    No tax.
    Whose tax?
    Mitt’s tax.

    Who pays Mitt’s tax?
    We pay Mitt’s tax.

    Who sees you hide Mitt’s low tax, sir?
    WE see you hide Mitt’s low tax, sir!

    That's not easy, Mr Voter.

  18. zippy_w_pinhead

    pretty good poem, but I would have gone with

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Ed Henry's an asshole
    And so are you

  19. arihaya

    Obama should make wingnuts talking heads assplode by making Huma Abedin the next Secretary of State ..

    .. for the lulz

  20. iburl

    “My friends”, he announced in a voice of a liar,
    “My name is Willard Mitt Romney, Esquire.
    And I’ve heard of Your troubles. I’ve heard you’re unhappy.
    But I can fix that, I’m the Fix-It-Up Chappie.

    I’ve come here to help you.
    I have what you need.
    And my taxes are low. I flip-flop with great speed.
    And my win is one hundred per cent guaranteed!”

    Then, quickly, Willard Mitt Romney, Esquire.
    Realized his polling results were quite dire
    And he said, “You want a ticket with a Rand-Reading Veep?
    My friends, you can have him for three million each!”

    “Just pay me your money and hop right aboard!”
    So they clambered inside. Then the Fox machine roared.
    And it klonked. And it bonked. And it jerked. And it berked.
    And it bopped them about. But the thing really worked!
    When the Rand-Reading Veep popped out, they saw stars!
    Starbursts of joy seeing Ayn Rand's butt-boy thar!

  21. T3rbo

    The right is just trying to do to us what they did to themselves. I mean, really, Paul Ryan? DREAM candidate, for democrats. To the repub mind, Hilary is the dream candidate to run against: she killed Vince Foster, IT TAKES A VILLAGE. Also, Sharia law, I think.

    1. IonaTrailer

      The Villages … Central Florida hell-hole…..full of the walking dead. Scariest place I've ever seen.

      1. Negropolis

        Hillary killed Vince Foster in The Village? I saw that (terrible) movie, and you're doing it wrong.

  22. Toomush_Infer

    Wait, I heard Willard is responding to the pressures of his own party by dropping Blue Eyes for the Palinator… I think somebody said it over lunch…

    1. MittBorg

      OMG. Wonderful. I can't wait to hear that bunch of mindless zombies blathering on. Maybe Herman Cain can grope a few more wimminz while he's there, and Grammy Scairy can fill up her coffers.

  23. Tundra Grifter

    Over at Media Matters for America you can the transcript of the interview Al Franken and Joe Conason had with Ed Klein after his crappy book about Sec. Clinton was published.
    http://www.mediamatters.org/research/2005/06/24/k

    I honestly do not understand how that idiot could walk out of his house after they roasted and toasted him.

  24. Mittens Howell, III

    Mr. Voter!
    I hate this game, sir.
    This game makes my tongue quite lame, sir.

    Mr. Mitt, sir, what a shame, sir.

    Let’s find something new to do now.
    Let’s have lots of Boo Hoo Hoo now
    Boo Hoo. Hoo Boo.
    White whine, whiney whine.
    Do you know who I am?
    Do you know it’s My Time?

    Horsey Glue for chewy chewing!
    That’s for post-olympic doing.
    Do you choose to chew glue, too, sir?
    Or will a tax deduction do, sir,
    Say ‘Rafalca': chew, sir.
    Do, sir.

    Mr. Voter,
    I won't do it.
    I can't say it.
    I won't chew it.

    Very well, Mitt.
    Step this way.
    We'll find another game to play.

    Bain comes.
    Pain comes…

  25. pdiddycornchips

    Okay, I think we put this Hilz replacing Handsome Joe biz to rest. Let the Huma speculation begin!!

  26. Nostrildamus

    “They did not have lunch
    “They did not have any meal
    “They did not meet this month
    “They did not meet last month
    “They did not meet in 2012
    “They did not meet in 2011, 2010, 2009

    So they met in 2008 over drinks, eh?

  27. HarryButtle

    “This did not happen
    “They did not have lunch
    “They did not have any meal
    “They did not meet this month
    “They did not meet last month
    “They did not meet in 2012
    “They did not meet in 2011, 2010, 2009
    “This is not happening
    “Truth is that Ed Klein is an idiot with not a shred of credibility
    “Truth is that Ed Klein’s motto is ‘If at first you don’t succeed, lie lie again.’”

    So, that's a definite maybe, right?

  28. MilwaukeeKent

    So funny, they've assembled less than five minutes of mis-statements by Biden, from his entire career, as proof he's a gaffe-factory unfit for office. I can assemble at least that much from Sir Mittington just from the primaries, easily two hours of Palinisms, probably in excess of six hours of George W. Bush putting food on his family (so hard!) and wondering is our children learning.

  29. ttommyunger

    I think Joe is a real asset to the Administration. His ol lady is hawt, too in a smart, classy and genuinely good way.

  30. Warpde

    "reported (/talked to his own butt):"
    Typical asshole.

    "There was a time when reading wasn't just for fags. And neither was writing. People wrote books and movies. Movies with stories, that made you care about whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again! "
    Pvt. Joe Bowers

  31. Negropolis

    It did not happen with a fox
    It did not happen in a box
    It didn't happen here or there
    It didn't happen, anywhere…

    Ed Klein has an asshole two sizes too small.

  32. Doktor Zoom

    This is Just to Say

    We are keeping
    the Veep
    who you thought
    belonged in
    the icebox

    and who
    you were probably
    frightened
    to debate

    Forgive us
    he is delicious
    so sweet
    and so cold

  33. DahBoner

    Why can’t they make Hillary Clinton vice president right now just to get the conservative media off their backs?

    One Weird Trick to Make John McCain's Mother Angry….

  34. Halloween Jack

    You know that Hillary wrote that herself. She's OG and can totally bust a rhyme when necessary.

Comments are closed.