Yesterday we examined a blind quote, as reported by a local Virginia TV station, about how the Secret Service agents working for Joe Biden “thanked” bakery owner Chris McMurray for rejecting a visit form the the vice president and “standing up” to the evil Obama campaign Chicago-style photo-op machine’s YOU DIDN’T BAKE THAT juggernaut of shame. It wouldn’t have been too shocking if a Secret Service agent got carried away in some form — hummina hummina! — but it also would have been a very risky career move to be politicking on the job like that. Our best guess was that the agents bought cookies and stuff from the baker as a common move to thank them for the inconvenience. And also because they wanted cookies and stuff. A Secret Service spokesperson has now offered comment saying, yeah, what the Wonkette blog said. (Paraphrase.)
Now that a government spokesperson who’s protecting his agency and wasn’t there has denied this story, it is 100% clear that it didn’t happen. From a National Review UPDATE:
UPDATE: I just got a call from Max Milien, a spokesman for the United States Secret Service. He told me unequivocally, “our personnel were not involved in making that statement.” Milien said there were agents in the bakery, along with (similarly dressed) local law enforcement, but that USSS was there merely to thank the shop owners for their trouble and apologize for any inconvenience the advance team may have caused them.
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Yeah, that's what they initially said about those Colombian cupcakes.
Mmmmmm . . . creme-filled Columbian cupcakes!
DAmmit! Now I'm hungry AND horny.
Another grievous disappointment for the Greater Wingnuttia Department of Making Stuff Up….
They only department they don't want to abolish, of course, apart from the Department of Defense and the Department of Giving Stuff Only To White People.
Nah … they made it up, they put it out there, and the wingtards believed it … end of exercise.
Isn't that Department associated with the University of Bullshit and Nonsense? I think I have family members who are on the faculty.
Specifically, the College of Arts and Crapola
Too late now – they're already grooming "Sam the Baker" as this year's Republican symbol of real America, the guy they think we're like but aren't sure because they never could hold their noses long enough to actually hang out with any of us.
What about Sam the Butcher? He always brought Alice The Meat.
She was only the butcher's daughter, but she loined me a thing or two.
I did not know that! Well sir, you've opened my thighs…
Oh please. Alice was much more interested in the fishmonger.
I hate cupcakes, always have. Fuck cupcakes and all who bake them.
I have been so sorry to see the cupcake make such a splash as a twee, semi-ironic treat that is beloved by hipsters. In my neighborhood, we have nearly as many cupcake shops as we do hot yoga studios. And I live in the burbs.
I remember when they used to be just for children, and wonder how they became an adult treat instead.
Fucking hipsters. I remember when Pabst, and thats what it was called, just fucking "Pabst," was fucking cheap beer for working stiffs like my parents.
I think most hipsters really drink it because it's fucking cheap, but they like to claim they drink it ironically because that sounds cooler.
A good friend's husband went to Japan for a business trip.
The last night he was there, the host had a special farewell dinner for him.
The host explained that they had gone to a lot of trouble and expense to get a special American drink, in honor of his visit.
Yep, it was PBR, and "Mike" had to drink it, and look like he was all excited and enjoying it.
Back when I was a tyke in Milwaukee (when, e.g., Blatz and Schlitz were still going concerns and Miller had not yet absorbed all), Pabst Blue Ribbon — which could be referred to as either "Pabst" or "Blue Ribbon" — was actually sort of the high end of Milwaukee beers in my circles (underage drinkers).
Oh my god, exactly. In DC, since this is not a real city and does not have things like pastry shops, everyone thinks of them as some kind of fucking delicacy. A few months ago I was babysitting a 4-year-old and supervised as she whipped up and baked a batch of cupcakes by herself. They were fine.
There are often a lot of cupcakes in hot yoga studios. (Somebody had to say it and it might as well be me!)
Namaste Yoga, best softcore on TV.
I'm torn between the yoga show and the belly-dancers (Shimmy maybe?) – yummy.
No shit, and remember poor Mrs. Krabopple, when she blew her whole retirement on a cupcake shop and there were like 12 other ones on the same block by the time she got her place open? Fucking hipster fads are just churning through all the good things in life, ruining them all. Kinda like when you drink so much of some kind of booze or another and you puke your guts out and you can't ever drink it again, thats what happens to me when hipsters make something a fad, I can't ever enjoy it again.
(Adjusts beret) What did you say? I'm just "enjoying" my — get this — chicken and waffles! (eye-roll) "So good."
Oh!
As if one were poor!
Oh, Chet, you slay me!
I take it you don't live in Williamsburg or Park Slope, Brooklyn, Prommie?
Hipsters are tequila!
Wait a minute, what about those Hostess "cream"-filled "Devils food" cup cakes with the chocolate icing and the curly white squiggle down the middle of each one?
Well, okay, they aren't really "food" in the traditional sense of providing nutrients necessary to continued life, but they do provide a nice sugar rush. And they never go stale in the vending machine.
I like those curly squiggle chocolate ones, but I HATE the pink marshmallow Sno-Balls!
I especially resent them because something that's such a perfect color tastes so terrible.
Hard to imagine the delicate taste of coconut surviving whatever processing it receives in the dark, Satanic mills of the Hostess Corporation, shelf life aside.Better to go with the redoubtable Twinkie, which glistens as if just dipped in hot grease, and which (the Twinkie) can only dream of tasting that good, if in fact Twinkies dream.
You know what I hate? That this is exactly how we are as a society. OOOOH BURN someone used cupcakes, or chicken, or strawberries to make someone else their bitch. I am tired of everything in life coming down to whoever acts like the biggest child and creates the biggest problems getting the most power. I hope they all choke.
Sticky buns and food stamps. Honey ale and everything, everything now has become some hating fucker's symbol of hate.
What is our symbol of hate?
Eartha Kitt as dominatrix?
Speaking of Eartha Kitt, did you know I once had sex with her in an airplane bathroom?
What, it came up organically.
Just like Jesus used to do – kicking poor people and slapping the ill-gotten food out of their mouths while drinking PBR in a pair of gauchos. You don't like it, take it up with JC.
I see Adam Sandler in this role.
"I hate cupcakes, always have. Fuck cupcakes and all who bake them. "
Hater!
Wait, you wouldn't be interested in trying my bacon-, salmon -and rosemary-infused hipster cupcakes? They're so good and so hip all at the same time!
Are they frosted with a radicchio reduction and garnished with a sprig of fresh fennel?
You're thinking of the Ram's Bladder Cup. Or was that the Crunchy Frog?
Proper method of eating cupcakes:
1. Eat the top and frosting part.
2. Throw the rest away.
3. Ask for more.
– Every kid, ever
Exactly. Cupcakes exist to keep people like me from eating icing with a spoon.
Oh! Check this out!
In the supermarket, where they have Philadelphia Cream Cheese, and all the flavored cream cheeses and stuff…
they now have Philadelphia Brand Cheesecake Filling!
$: – D
Yeah, like that's REALLY gonna get made into a cheesecake, and not just eaten straight from the container!
FUCKING GENIUS!
Pastry Libel!
The wingnuts won't be happy to hear this.
Unless, that is, Chris McMurray makes a statement saying he won't accept food stamps: then they'll stampede on over…
Don't worry … the wingnuts won't hear it. Actual factual facts don't penetrate the echo chamber.
"Actual factual facts" has a certain lyrical je ne sais quoi.
The Secret Service likes the sweets like Candy,Cocoa,Sugar,and honey.Wait those are all hookers names.
Well, everyone knows that 'what happens at the Crumb&Get It, stays at the Crumb&Get It….
Don't forget Brandi, Barcardi and Margarita. Our upstanding agent guys are partial to them too.
Cinnabuns libel!
as reported by a local Virginia TV station,
To receive your journalist credentials now-a-days, you don't have to be right, but you do have to re-Tweeted.
Next time the Romney campaign is (anywhere near me) at my company I am going to say "Romney kicked me in the nutz, then sucked my cock to make it better". Because it will be the Dogs honest truth.
I bet I sell a lot of computer games.
Well, yeah, you build immersive cock sucking into a computer game and the world will beat a path to your door. But lose the Rmoney character; we're losing sales.
Really, how is it we can put a man on the moon, and yet we haven't managed to perfect the cock-sucking machine?
I think testers get a bit anxious being the first. "That's one small step for man……oh my fuckin' god!!!"
If someone actually perfected the cock-sucking machine, not a single man on earth would ever leave the house, and our civilization would collapse.
Can't we work on inventing the Holodeck first???????
Emmelemm, please look at the Republican Congress and then convince me that civilization will collapse if men don't leave the house.
Show some solidarity. Think of all the cocksuckers who will be put out of work if the cocksucking machine is perfected.
It's a sad day in American when the statement, "No, we are not fucking stupid," has to be released to the public.
Every day is a sad day, any more.
Now the U.S government got to the Secret Service. This conspiracy shit runs deep yo.
Gummit employees trying to keep their jobs and pissed caused they had to go to the Cookie place and not The Itchy Kitty in Receda for something they are more interested in.
Generally, you should avoid the kitties if they're itchy.
What about "The Crab Shack"?
googled this. are you jerking my chain? is this an inside joke for people outside of flyover?
The secret service apologizes for the inconvenience of having a blah President. You can hear the derision in his voice if you read it right.
He did not specifically deny that agents winked, mouthed the words, "Thank you for saying no" and bought loads of cookies and cupcakes. Once again, the heterosexual Mr. Drudge is proved fucking right.
HINO?
The Drudge Report. Where men are men and demon sheep are nervous.
Heterosexuals wear Fedora's???
So a wingnut might just make shit up like that? Amazing, I thought they were all totally honest.
Of course the idiot will probably still get his share of the Chik-Fil-A business that now goes to any business owner willing to get outrageously offensive against any minority and/or Democrat.
Can the Chick-Fil-A flavored cupcake be far behind?
Can we get them all to clog their arteries before election time?
Well, bacon cupcakes are huge now, so it's only a matter of time.
The US "ess ess". My bubbe would have found that amusing.
Some enterprising person should start a cafe called the US Eppes Essen.
OT: Whew! Glad you-all got the containment breach on the right under control, I thought we were gonna have to evacuate!
If it had been doughnuts I might have believed her. Cause you know, cops and doughnuts…
Bu this is the US-SS…. they's lean, mean spyin' machines.
I'd mutiny for a lemon poppyseed muffin right now.
I wanted to let everyone know that the USSS agents that came to my business told me that they were glad I rejected the Obama's campaign to visit my shop. So, now you all come and spend money with me. I sell fuckin' enormous pink dildos. I am certain any rightwinger will absolutely love them.
Got any wetsuits?
I realize the way I posed my comment that…the Obama group would have to want to visit my dildo shop. And, while that would really be okay, I thought it might not be good for his camapaign.
I think they were just wanting to see the various Romney Rafala models I ordered so they could get one for Paul Ryan.
Wonder if that Chris McMurray and the Crumb and Get It bakery is the same one who packed up and slipped out in the middle of the night from Blacksburg in 2009?
http://www.roanoke.com/extra/wb/202648
Wonder if he left bills unpaid, and stuff.
That failed business? He built that!!!
"It's one of those deals where they kind of pulled out in the middle of the night," Pack said.
Sounds like paying rent isn't McMurray's only problem.
Yep. Typical right wing deadbeat. The rules apply to everyone but him.
Running out of the state, leaving unpaid bills? Chris "The Crumb" McMurray sounds like a charter member of the "party of personal repsonsibility."
I hope his current landlord has a deposit of 3 months' rent.
Can you say "dead-beat", boys and girls?
First rule of deadbeat scofflawing: call lots of attention to yourself by gratuitously insulting a prominent public figure. Because what bad could happen?
Actually, that is the same couple. I checked the Virginia Sec of State records.
0675654-8
*I might be wrong but….there are two.
Nice catch. Now let's see Fox and Friends ask Pastor Chris about this (yeah, right)
Oh, that's just fucking great. I wonder if any "media outlet" will pick up an that (ha ha).
Why can't bakeries in America get back to their real business? Making money for American Express, and acting as location sets for IBM commercials.
And hosting gigantic set pieces with intricate retail choreography for Visa Check Cards. Don't be the moron who pays with cash!
To keep distracting from the awfulness and ineptitude of Mittens, all they now have is a cyclone in a cupcake.
…a cackle in a Christian chicken.
The next wingnut talking point: the Secret Service SHOULD have thanked McMurray for standing up to Obama. HUSSEIN's Praetorian Guard is out of control! Unamercian!
Darrell Issa will announce hearings to investigate Max Milien's false denials in five… four…three…
Maybe they read my review on Yelp! last night from Mike Hawkstrong: "I wouldn't have a bowel movement in that place. I didn't know sandpaper was a flavor of cupcakes."
Gotta hit up the Google Places, too, for feedback.
Was it already covered that this place apparently just opened like 2 weeks ago? https://www.facebook.com/CrumbGetItCookieCompany
Life is a cupcake baked by an idiot, full of flour and sugar, signifying nothing.
Full of hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup, killing you slowly.
The "Win" just melts in your mouth!
I'm making a YouTube documentary about this:
DISHONORABLY DELICIOUS
I shall expose the Administration with it's hand in the cookie jar!!!
a.k.a. "The Swiftbaking of Joseph Biden."
Hey anyone know how to pull out those stainless steel staples they use instead of stitches these days? I got some I need gone and I don't want to wait till my appointment monday. I am guessing you have to spread them and lift simultaneously. A little help here?
Needle nose pliers and a bottle of Scotch.
Sounds like my plans for the weekend.
I have an awesome doc, and they let me come in and borrow their pullers rather than pay for an appointment for them to do it. The problem with just using needlenose is that the puller bends the staple in the middle, causing the "teeth" to come out before you actually pull it. If you just pull with needlenose, you may tear the skin.
Can't you use wire cutters and more Wild Turkey? Just snip snip snip then pour wild turkey all over it. You really need to be more patient though. I swear you get an infection and we are in a fight.
Gettin' the dye off your face from the exploding pack in the money sack is a whole other deal. OOPS!! I didn't say nothin' about burying the money in the field behind the CITGO station and markin' it with a piece o' truck tire! Don't shoot me!!
Shit, I can't shoot you – you know you're the back up driver. And when super freak here gets a blood borne illness from screwing with his injuries, I got other shooting to do and I don't like to waste bullets.
FS is right … Snip 'em in half first.
Ah Ha! This sounds like a plan.
Jeeezus, Bear Grills, wait till fucking Monday.
If they were regular stitches, I'd say go for it, I usually do them myself with small scissors and tweezers. Staples are trickier and you run a greater risk of infection and scarring by not using the proper tool, especially if one breaks and remains under the skin. ps- I would use Rubbing Alcohol rather than waste booze.
"I would use Rubbing Alcohol rather than waste booze."
That's for you fancy folks, who make the distinction.
Or, as we are sometimes referred to: the living.Sent from my iPhone
I posted that update on the Washington Examiner comments thread a couple times yesterday- those poor wingnuts went apeshit. They just can't stand having reality threaten their delusions…
The Romney message: Let them eat cupcakes.
Not even one! No cupcakes unless you meet the earnings threshold.
But don't pay with food stamps…
Just what I'd expect from someone who can't manage eating a donut.
It's almost like they're running outta things to get feign outrage over and are resorting to just making shit up. The poor persecuted Xtian white males!
So this this cookie dude's a liar.
Advance team, huh?
I believe Chancellor Hitler's advance team said that when they arrived in Warsaw too.
Excuse me. Reich Chancellor.
Crumb libel!
Biden should swing by Cafe 24. It was RIGHT down the street!
http://www.wdbj7.com/news/wdbj7-chris-the-baker-c…
"What a difference 37 feet would have made; instead of a photo op with Chris, a Republican supporter, Biden could have met up with a die-hard Democrat, just a few yards away.
The business is called Cafe 24. It's a mom and pop store, just like "Crumb and Get It", next door."
If the government is denying it it must be true.
Yep. Like I said yesterday. The baker guy said no and then his eyes glazed over in a juvenile fantasy where the Secret Service hoisted him on their shoulders and paraded down the street to the cheers of all.
I drove by Crumb and Get It earlier today. Didn't look too busy.
Obama's Big Government calls Small Businessman a Liar!
Honestly the whole damn Secret Service should be fired, to a person, and then we should start over. They are constantly made to look clownish (and this has been going on since Clinton.) Under this President, there have been incident on incident of security being compromised and all that happens is a few agents get to retire early. There is a readily apparent lackadaisical attitude that seems to infect the entire agency that belies any full scale commitment to their one real function as a law enforcement agency, protecting the president. I feel like the president and his family are without any reliable security and in the toxic atmosphere today that scares the hell out of me. Everybody sees this but nobody will talk about it.
I absolutely agree with you the Secret Service is chock full of clowns who seem as interested in protecting the President as the $5 an hour rent-a-cop is in protecting the Rosetta Stone kiosk. Not all of them, but lots.
I have a wee nitpick. The SS (yes) was formed to chase down counterfeiters first, and didn't get involved in presidential protection until McKinley was assassinated. One would have thought that when the SS was moved from being a unit of the Department of Treasury to the shiny new Homeland Security a few years back that some smart cookie, say, the smart cookie who ordered the move, would used the opportunity to revamp & tighten up the SS mission. Protection operations could have been moved to DHS, and currency work stayed with Treasury. But since that cookie was Bush, the smart thing didn't happen.
Not at all a nitpick, major point. In fact I did not know the SS was still doing the anti-counterfeiting. Somehow I think the use of resources could be better allocated if one group was dealing solely with "political" security threats and another dealt with the idiots trying to make $50 bills on their home computer.
Isn't that true? As stupid as the creation of DHS was, potentially it could have had the benefit of undoing some long overdue entrenchments– like SS's dual role, or breaking the Department of Energy back into the AEC/Nuclear Regulatory Commission, concerned with safeguarding nuclear material whether being used for energy or weaponry, and the DOE, concerned with energy policy. Nope. Instead everyone was just tossed into one big underfunded, demoralized agency.
Only slightly OT:
I'm very happy to be back among the innertoobs after the Juno server was down for THREE DAYS!!
I'm *especially* happy because it's almost noon here, and I haven't yet had to look at one single picture of Fuckface's smug smirk and rapey eyes.
*waves cheerleader pom-poms*
Way to go, Wonkette!
Welcome back.
If this cupcake thing is proven to be true, I'm definitely voting for Mittens.
I'd never make it as a hipster. I would rather drink less good beer than more cheap beer. And since I'm going to be chasing it with tequila anyway, I'm still going to get just as drunk.
Wouldn't touch Pabst: looks like piss, tastes like piss.
Yes, I'm a hater too.
There's a restaurant in Portland where you can get a 40 of PBR in an ice bucket, as though it were champagne.
I don't drink beer — and if I did, I wouldn't drink PBR — but I think it would be a hoot to go to that restaurant and do the whole wine snob thing, make the sommelier show you the label, pour out a little bit and take a sip, and then give a snooty nod of approval.
Wave of the future, Dude; one hundred percent electronic.
I was thinking Christian Bale.
Certainly the name works.
Screaming at the poor and the sick like he did at that one lighting technician? That would be awesome.
Mel Gibson is the only other one who can throw a Christian Bale-quality tantrum, but I do think he's a bit old for the part.
Also, Mel would consider Jesus "too Jewy".
The question of whether Twinkies dream; and if so, what they dream about (being nibbled by Scarlett Johansen or Angelina Jolie or somebody else with lips?), is one that should be set aside for further reflection.
The list of foods that are a perfect color but taste like you ate your purse by mistake are (so far):
– Pink Hostess Sno-Balls
– Good-N-Plenty (original kind)
– Beets
Eggplant, peas, Brussels sprouts
Stay thirsty, my friend.
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