beach blanket bingo also too

We Might Let Some Republicans Into Our Tampa Wonkette Drinky Thing, But Only If They Are Shirtless

(Disclaimer: Party not actually at the beach)HELLO FLORIDA. You have been so patient, waiting for the deets on our Republican National Convention Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup in Tampa! Will there be beer, and fried things, and ladies in skimpy tops? Yes, yes, and it could happen! Will there be Republicans, and media ‘lites, and you, the brave and loyal Wonker? Most certainly, but only if the Republicans are hot.

We shall meet on Tuesday, Aug. 28, at MacDinton’s, an Irish pub with many choices of fried things and beer, at like six or seven.

405 South Howard Avenue
Tampa, Florida 33606

Don’t forget to pack your extra liver!

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Eh. Never met a Republican that could throw a decent punch.

      They never get the nerve up until they've had waay too much to drink; then they pretty much fall over on their own.

      1. freakishlywrong

        I"m going to try, Mumblety, but it's a school night and lucky me, I have a jawb, which prevents fun, weekday events such as these. I'm also about 40 miles away. I hope I can get there!

        1. Mumbletypeg

          *sigh.* For a sec, pretend LIZ PHAIR IS ATTENDING ZOMG and watch the wonkies come out of the woodwork, driving great lengths to see her~
          ;) for the longest time I'd thought you were a guy. I believe that was intended, too! Well done.

    1. LastGasp

      Ditto for the woman with the red, blue, yellow, and orange wristbands.
      Is this how Aryans have a beach party?

    1. PubOption

      Sounds like the female republicans will need to be shirtless as well, so you might be lucky. Alternatively Phyllis Schlafly could be invited.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Nah, he and Aaron Schock will be off comparing ab routines and accessorizing. Not that there's anything gay – I mean wrong – with that.

  1. ChessieNefercat

    If you read it too quickly, Tampa Wonkette morphs into Tamponette. They don't make "juniors" any more?

  2. Extemporanus

    With any luck, this could very well be the event that finally finishes off fucking Floriduh once and for all.


  3. Trannysurprise

    I hear there's a new drinking game there called Stand Your Ground.

    Apparently you throw a handful of skittles as your douchy friends faces and if they catch one they are rewarded with a "shooter" of their choice. Sounds fun.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      If Billmatic is deserving of a raised IPA because he is, what, Floridian himself? then he is deserving of said IPA getting first raised, then dunked over his HEAD if the mood is right~

      1. Billmatic

        no, it's because i make fun of them

        i am actually from texas. so uh. nevermind, that's not really better.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The kind wearing baggy shirts over their concealed guns are scarier. Exposure to GOP-moobs is today's price of security.

  4. elviouslyqueer

    Rebecca, you need to post this on Tampa's Craigslist. You get a much better class of person that way.

    Wait, what?

  5. widestanceromance

    I look at that photo and once again, am ashamed to be a white man.

    When does the mid-atlantic get its thingy on?

  6. Estproph

    Now, the ride of Paul Revere
    Set the nation on its ear,
    And the shot at Lexington heard 'round the world,
    When the British fired in the early dawn
    The War of Independence had begun,
    The die was cast, the rebel flag unfurled.

    And on to Concord marched the foe
    To seize the arsenal there you know,
    Waking folks searching all around
    Till our militia stopped them in their tracks,
    At the old North Bridge we turned them back
    And chased those Redcoats back to Boston town.

    And the shot heard 'round the world
    Was the start of the Revolution.
    The Minute Men were ready, on the move.
    Take your powder, and take your gun.
    Report to General Washington.
    Hurry men, there's not an hour to lose!

    Now, at famous Bunker Hill,
    Even though we lost, it was quite a thrill,
    The rebel Colonel Prescott proved he was wise;
    Outnumbered and low on ammunition
    As the British stormed his position
    He said, "Hold your fire till you see the whites of their eyes!"

    Though the next few years were rough,
    General Washington's men proved they were tough,
    Those hungry, ragged boys would not be beat.
    One night they crossed the Delaware,
    Surprised the Hessians in their lair,
    And at Valley Forge they just bundled up their feet!

    And the shot heard 'round the world
    Was the start of the Revolution.
    The Minute Men were ready, on the move.
    Take your blanket, and take your son.
    Report to General Washington.
    We've got our rights and now it's time to prove.

    Well, they showed such determination
    That they won the admiration
    Of countries across the sea like France and Spain,
    Who loaned the colonies ships and guns
    And put the British on the run
    And the Continental Army on its feet again.

    And though they lost some battles too,
    The Americans swore they'd see it through,
    Their raiding parties kept up, hit and run.
    At Yorktown the British could not retreat,
    Bottled up by Washington and the French Fleet,
    Cornwallis surrendered and finally we had won!

    The winner!


    From the shot heard 'round the world
    To the end of the Revolution
    The continental rabble took the day
    And the father of our country
    Beat the British there at Yorktown
    And brought freedom to you and me and the U.S.A.!

    God bless America, Let Freedom Ring!

  7. OneYieldRegular

    You'll be able to identify the Republicans easily. They'll be lecturing you on fiscal responsibility while they're drinking all the free Wonkette beer.

    1. widestanceromance

      And personal responsibility while backing over the drunks who fell behind their Land Rover.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      If they serve any stout that's a notch above Guinness.. then I think FakaktaSouth should be on hand: She who stated that stout beer held all the charm for her palate of a beverage steeped w/ a ciggie stub dropped in it.**

      **which I can testify to having done; consumed such, that is; probably was a ciggie of my own too.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        See, someone needs to get her a good Irish or Scottish oatmeal stout – creamy head and smooth finish, and none of that fake peaty flavor. Or a double chocolate stout, which I have it on good authority makes a hell of a beer float when you add a little vanilla ice cream.

  8. fartknocker

    Will Megadeath be playing?

    When the hell is Wonkette going to come to Texas? We're very friendly and we have some beautiful women. Plus the Fartknocker will buy the 1st and last round.

  9. YouBetcha

    I'd hit that. Frat boys are awesome, but with little stamina. Which is why you need like three of them at once.

  10. jvvjen

    That photo actually looks exactly like the usual crowd at MacDinton’s. Should be a fun evening! Count this Tampan in!

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      … and don't fuck any Republicans — you never know where those things have been.


    1. finallyhappy

      Have a giant cinnamon bun at the Machine Shed instead or some Maytag blue cheese- that's it for my knowledge of Iowa food

    1. widestanceromance

      I just gave my only one to a nice-seeming chap who came to the door, and finally convinced me with a song about the ever-expanding universe. Ugh, the blood is everywhere now.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        I know what you mean. When I tracked down the "donor" for my extra liver no amount of Brawny could clean it up. And, I found it difficult to find the amounts of bagged ice I needed to cool the "donor" down.

    1. vtxmcrider

      Noobs to Wonkette or noobs to the buttsecks? There is a very slight overlap in those two groups.

  11. BerkeleyBear

    Somewhat OT – Harry Harrison died yesterday. Couple that with losing Ray Bradbury recently, and it's been a bad stretch for science fiction fans.
    So I propose a toast (in absentia) to Stainless Steel Rat's creator. May our politicians be as moral and discriminating as the Rat (fat chance).

    1. proudgrampa

      Wow. I had not heard about Harry. Met him once, he was quite an intellect. My favorite story of his was "Make Room!" the basis for Soylent Green.

      Robert Heinlein, Ray Bradbury, and now Harry Harrison. All of my heroes are gone. A toast to all of them.

      "Soylent Green is people!"

          1. finallyhappy

            Some art student selling it out of a backpack in Atlanta during Dragon Con(and yes, I am old and yes, I started going to Dragon Con when I was 55)

  12. randcoolcatdaddy

    If you're going to be in Tampa in August around a bunch of Republicans, I have only one piece of advice: hide your wallet.

  13. MadBrahms

    The picture immediately made me think "Tobias Funke presents: Republicans with Low Self-Esteem".

    Which is most of them, probably.

  14. GorzoTheMighty

    This will not end well. I predict police in riot gear, plumes of tear gas and pepper spray. Chaos my friends!. Then there is the Republican convention to worry about.

  15. proudgrampa

    I hope all of you young whippersnappers have a good time. I will be with you in spirit while consuming my Sapphire martinis in the comfort of my home bar.


  16. Spurning Beer

    I live in Florida, if you can call this living, and if you can call this Florida, which is dubious, since Pensacola belongs in Florida about as much as Joe Lieberman belongs in the Democratic caucus.

    Anyway, it would take me about eight hours to drive to Tampa, versus five to Atlanta, which is also too far.

    How about I quickly plan a convention for the Bunga-Bunga Party during Labor Day weekend, and have a drinky-drinky event at the Florabama Lounge, famous for its interstate mullet-toss events?

  17. Incitefully_Joe

    OT-ish, but for the NY drinky thing, I've confirmed that the Drinking Liberally organizers have opened an invitation for us to take over Rudy's for that night, and with the back patio reopened, there's actually enough space to do so. It might just be a ploy of Justin's to rope me into hosting DL for that night, but I really do hope this will coalesce as a possibility!

    They're also apparently having RNC/DNC watch events all week, for those of us too cheap and/or lazy and/or self-preserving to go to Tampa in August.

      1. Incitefully_Joe

        Yup, that's the one. Rudy's is on 9th ave between 44th and 45, which puts it conveniently close to 42nd/Times Square, which has trains to basically everywhere in the city. And pretty good prices on drinks, if one is a Poor like me.

        Also, there are free hot dogs, too.

  18. finallyhappy

    I hope I do not miss an announcement of where the Atlanta thing will be- I will be in Atlanta but do not know much about Atlanta(well, the Flying Biscuit and the Aquarium-but I don't think they have a bar either place).

    1. ttommyunger

      I will provide free cab service to the shindig, but I am an old, so won't stay much past 9 or 10 so you will have to fend for yourself if you plan to party on (404 372 9907). In other words, you have a friend in Atlanta.

      1. finallyhappy

        I won't stay late- I'm oldish and easily tired. I appreciate the offer. I will be somewhere in midtown or downtown(I get those areas confused) but MARTA accessible. I am putting your number in my newfangled Iphone!

  19. VinnyThePooh

    I'm certainly glad the RNC is having their brainless orgy on the Gulf toilet bowl side of the state. I just moved to southern Florida from Upstate New York and getting riled by Teabaggers won't help my adjustment.

  20. funky49


    I'll be there anyway because it is also the pre-season party for my kickball league. I'll be wearing my awesome pink tshirt from last season. After you're drunk, try the Irish eggrolls. They have the grease that cures what ails you.

  21. ttommyunger

    I might just ride down for the Helluvit. I have grandkids there and have done the 500 mile turnaround from Atlanta more than once. OT: don't you know Holder and Napalitano are smacking their lips over the two year sentence Pussy Riot got for singing a fucking song?

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