The New York Times opined yesterday that Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted was engaging in “overt discrimination” just because he was overseeing the systematic extension of extra voting hours exclusively to Republican counties.
Well, Jon Husted got really angry on this road trip that we call Election 2012, and did what pissy dads everywhere do: HE TURNED THIS CAR BACK AROUND.
His decision came in response to a growing controversy over disparities in early in-person voting hours across Ohio. In most urban counties, which have the state’s most-Democratic electorates, the voting was being confined to normal business hours. But in several more-Republican counties, hours were being extended into the evenings and Saturdays.
“There’s no question that the principle of fairness is being upheld today in Ohio, because all voters are being treated equally,” Husted said at a hastily called news conference.
Under his directive, county boards must be open from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. for the first three weeks of the five-week early-voting period before the Nov. 6 election, and from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. in the final two weeks. No board can have Saturday or Sunday hours.
“For the first time in Ohio history, all Ohioans will vote by the same standard,” Husted said. “ I am leveling the playing field on voting days and hours during the absentee-voting period in each of the 88 counties — rural, urban and suburban.”
Because all these counties couldn’t just get along and be quiet, now nobody gets weekend voting hours. Are you happy? Oh, you had big plans for Saturday voting? Well, not any more. And no McDonald’s for you, either. You made Jon Husted unhappy, so nobody gets a Happy Meal now. And no ice cream, either. JON HUSTED DOESN’T CARE WHAT HE SAID BEFORE, YOU WERE BAD.
That’ll show those socialists at the New York Times and stupid Ohio voters.
BONUS: This also solves part of the Obama military voting lawsuit by stripping every voter in Ohio – including our brave men and women who serve – of two of the three days of contested voting time. The military doesn’t get out of this just because they were being quiet and reading in the back seat, oh no. Thank your black president for that one, armed forces.