SUSPICIOUS BOOK LEARNIN  9:14 am August 16, 2012

Kentucky GOP Outraged Colleges Want Students to Know Things

by Rich Abdill

Very busy manufacturing climate data.Kentucky Republicans passed education legislation in 2009 that made it easier to compare the state’s students to other states. Now they’re very upset that the results came back Stupid.

ACT, the state’s testing company, interviews professors to figure out the things most important to student readiness for college, which sounds like a smart thing to do. Unfortunately, those professors have bad news: If you want students to do well in biology classes, they have to know about evolution.

Rather predictably, the Kentucky GOP is madder than a plumber in a Chipotle.

“I think we are very committed to being able to take Kentucky students and put them on a report card beside students across the nation,” said Republican Sen. David Givens. “We’re simply saying to the ACT people we don’t want what is a theory to be taught as a fact in such a way it may damage students’ ability to do critical thinking.”

Yes! Let’s teach students about how Chuck E. Cheese made the Earth out of popsicle sticks three years ago. We don’t want to damage them.

It gets even better. From the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Givens said he asked the ACT representatives about possibly returning to a test personalized for Kentucky, but he was told that option was very expensive and time-consuming.

Aw, come on, Smart People. Is that so unreasonable? All Kentucky wants is national guidelines that exempt the state from knowing science, because the best way to prepare students for college classes is obviously to ignore the advice of the people teaching them. Don’t worry, they have a totally real and responsible argument:

“The theory of evolution is a theory, and essentially the theory of evolution is not science — Darwin made it up,” [Rep. Ben] Waide said. “My objection is they should ensure whatever scientific material is being put forth as a standard should at least stand up to scientific method. Under the most rudimentary, basic scientific examination, the theory of evolution has never stood up to scientific scrutiny.”

See? It’s simple — evolution isn’t real. Not like Jesus! Have you even HEARD of the scientific method, biologists? It’s a little thing where you get evidence for a thing, and continue testing that thing, except in cases where an invisible man made the heavens and the earth, then you have to believe it and definitely teach it as science and DON’T YOU BE ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT IT, HEATHEN.

What say you, Vincent Cassone, chairman of the University of Kentucky biology department?

“The theory of evolution is the fundamental backbone of all biological research.”

Oh.

“There is more evidence for evolution than there is for the theory of gravity, than the idea that things are made up of atoms, or Einstein’s theory of relativity. It is the finest scientific theory ever devised.”

Wait wait wait. Are you saying… are you saying we have more evidence for evolution than for gravity? ARE YOU SAYING WE DON’T HAVE EVIDENCE FOR GRAVITY?

Somebody get Kentucky on the phone. It’s about to float away. [Lexington Herald-Leader]

 
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{ 227 comments }

Come here a minute August 16, 2012 at 9:18 am

The ACT committee needs to do a little more research, at Cambodian temples.

Preferred Customer August 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

Interesting. Because the conclusion I drew is that Sen. Givens needs a good thagomizing.

Angry_Marmot August 16, 2012 at 10:21 am

Already busy with a leetle more research on the Khajuraho temples. I'll be in my bunk.

finallyhappy August 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

I 've been to those temples in India and what impressed me more than the erotic carvings were the temples with the huge Shiva lingams. It was suggested I embrace one as it helps women who want children. At the time I was in India- the last thing I wanted was a child.

Angry_Marmot August 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

A friend of mine used to call radio stations and request songs for Yoni Lingam.

Tundra Grifter August 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

Yoni ("BigGuy@gmail.com") just signed (r)Money's petition.

badseeds August 16, 2012 at 9:20 am

Gravity's not science, either — Newton made it up.

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 9:30 am

All that virginity made him plumb crazy.

RadioBowels August 16, 2012 at 9:56 am

You're comparing apples and oranges.

WIDTAP August 16, 2012 at 10:03 am

Ahh! I see what you did there.

Angry_Marmot August 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

You ever looked closely at a perfectly ripe plum?

Fare la Volpe August 17, 2012 at 12:00 am

J'ever stick one in a microwave?

no_gravity August 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

Fuck gravity, it's just a theory.

UW8316154 August 16, 2012 at 9:43 am

I want more than just a theoretical fuck!

BoatOfVelociraptors August 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm

So… up AND down…

Caelan Aegana August 16, 2012 at 4:52 pm

You can't explain that!

TootsStansbury August 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

Satan holds us on the ground. When Jesus comes back he'll vanquish Satan's power and all the Jesus freaks will fly up ro heaven. Silly people.

Butch_Wagstaff August 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Here I thought it was my big feet, which are also very very sticky on the bottom, that held me on Earth.

Nostrildamus August 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Sticker on barbells: "Gravitation in only a theory"

johnnyzhivago August 16, 2012 at 9:21 am

As long as Kentucky boys and girls are good with their shootin' sticks they should be fine for what President Mitt has in store for them when we invade Iran and turn it into a Mormon/Israeli playground.

arihaya August 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

We are not going to invade them, we're going to LIBERATE them.

HistoriCat August 16, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Liberate them with carpet bombs!

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 9:22 am

Thank you, Kentucky. I was starting to feel really bad about living in the State with the most corrupt Government in the Country (Georgia); but at least it isn't the dumbest State in the Union.

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 9:25 am

God bless Nathan Deal! But I doubt your state is more corrupt than mine. South Florida is the laboratory for every new criminal scheme concocted. Flor-i-duh!

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 9:31 am

Recent study proves you are wrong about corruption title. SUCK IT, LOSER!

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

Damn! Scott's fucking everything up!

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

Thass what he does!Sent from my iPhone

JohnyEdge August 16, 2012 at 10:11 am

Georgia dumb? Down here in Texas we'll match dumb with anyone.

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 10:21 am

Kentucky dumb, Georgia corrupt, Texas shooty.

Nothingisamiss August 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

You've just explained the south in three easy phrases.

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 11:58 am

Oh I think there are more worthy adjectives out there begging to be employed.Sent from my iPhone

HistoriCat August 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm

"Dumb, corrupt, and shooty" is the perfect description for Rick Perry – I think Texas may be taking the lead here.

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm

They definitely hold the Crown for that Trifecta.Sent from my iPhone

DCBloom August 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

I'm here in NC. Virginia Foxx is "my" representative…. so yeah, i feel your pain.

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

She has to be the dumbest white woman in the CountrySent from my iPhone

BerkeleyBear August 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Why you gotta limit her like that? Ol' Ginny is dumber than anyone, gender or race be damned. I'm pretty sure she's dumber than my dog, who isn't very bright (but like Ginny has found people pathetic enough to enable her behavior).

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Yup. Five dogs and a cat boss my narrow ass around every day. How dumb is that?Sent from my iPhone

finallyhappy August 16, 2012 at 10:50 am

I alway think of Fannie Foxx and Wilbur Mills when I hear of your rep- but Fannie has a lot more going for her

fuflans August 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

oh please. do you have TWO governors sitting in jail SIMULTANEOUSLY??

i don't think so.

amateurs.

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 11:57 am

I said they were corrupt, not bungling.Sent from my iPhone

BerkeleyBear August 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm

The two were only the ones dumb enough to get caught. They are the veritable tip of the Illinois iceberg of graft.

But I will give the Georgia legislature props – they've been bought and paid for since the 18th century, so they have every other state beat for longevity.

ttommyunger August 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

The Georgia Legislature has not only institutionalized corruption, they have legalized it.Sent from my iPhone

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:20 am

Our Governor is named Deal!

facehead August 16, 2012 at 9:22 am

You can't teach kids about evolution, or the next thing you know they'll be asking about penis and vagina.

arihaya August 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

Well, Kentucky is next to Vaginia … and a few miles from Penisylvania.

Designer_Rants August 16, 2012 at 9:23 am

Kentucky haz teh stupid. But since when does the GOP care about 'facts' and 'stats'?

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 9:24 am

“We’re simply saying to the ACT people we don’t want what is a theory to be taught as a fact in such a way it may damage students’ ability to do critical thinking.”

Yes! Because everyone knows that nothing damages critical thinking skills like teaching kids different theories and comparing them to other theories.

It's in the Bible, folks!

finallyhappy August 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

And I don't believe that advanced mathematics are valid either- that would have helped my SAT and GRE scores

Designer_Rants August 16, 2012 at 9:25 am

I predict that Kentucky is where Fuddruckers will "evolve" into the first Buttfuckers.

ThankYouJeebus August 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

Idiocracy is the most prescient movie ever made.

Designer_Rants August 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

It correctly predicted that I would drive a car with a floppy dildo taped to the hood.

noodlesalad August 16, 2012 at 9:27 am

I love how these conservative knuckledraggers complain about cultural relativists in higher ed all the fucking time, but have no problem thinking that their own twisted fictions should be given the same weight as established science. Proving once again that you CAN have your cake and eat it, too, if you are a Republican and no one ever calls you on your bullshit.

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:22 am

No, Republicanism means that the Rich can have your cake and eat it. And their own cake.

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 9:27 am

I guess Raylan Givens isn't killing the dumbasses off fast enough.

metamarcisf August 16, 2012 at 9:27 am

Until yesterday, I was a big proponent of evolution. Then that picture of the Loch Ness Monster surfaced.

Butch_Wagstaff August 16, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I had a recent conversion, too. Eerie, huh? I saw a dinosaur appear in my office. It unzipped it's back and turns out it was just Jesus in a costume!

tracyhasfun August 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

There's a pun in there. I seen it.

Arkoday August 16, 2012 at 9:29 am

Your mean to be funning about they're schooling! Their are peoples thier who values there education. You're attacks will not….ah fuck it.

Grief_Lessons August 16, 2012 at 9:29 am

Fortunately the future will always need ditch diggers and actors for porn, and the students of Kentucky will still be eligible to fill these positions.

Misty Malarky August 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

Well, really bad fatty chaser porn.

Where everybody gets saved by Jesus at the end.

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:24 am

Yes, for the wide "toothless blow job" market.

Chet Kincaid_ August 16, 2012 at 9:30 am

Part of the problem, from way back, is that Bible-reading idiots don't know what the definition of a "theory" is in science. Hint: a "theory" is not the unproven precursor to a "fact."

Tundra Grifter August 16, 2012 at 9:53 am

CK: From time to time I debate a mouth-breather over at Amazon (under reviews for "The Amateur") who whines that President Obama believes the US Constitution is a document of negative liberties.

She does kinda understand the word "negative," so she assumes Mr. Obama hates the Constitution.

Sad, really. Or pathetic. Also.

PsycWench August 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

Even worse…I have come to believe, based on discussions with our Biology colleagues, that the leaders of these right-wing groups fully understand that evolution is a fact. But condemning evolution= $$$$, so if the Bible-reading idiots' scientific illiteracy means that they make their poverty worse by tossing money away, so be it.

Greg Little August 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

I agree – look at the Discovery institute, the progenitors/organizers of the "intelligent design" industry: that outfit was founded by educated men with establishment connections; and they pimped the field of science denialism as efficiently as possible. Though it might be news to the profoundly ignorant, provincial wingnuts who've bought the D.I. propaganda, denying evolution has made an already-elite class of right-wing professionals very rich…

SoBeach August 16, 2012 at 10:42 am

No doubt about it. The religious and political leaders know and don't care that creationism is a crock of shit. They know the goobers are idiots, but they're more than happy to take their money and votes.

ThankYouJeebus August 16, 2012 at 9:34 am

Just line them up next to Bob Jones University and they will be geniuses.

ChrisM2011 August 16, 2012 at 9:35 am

I think the state just found their new license plate tagline!

"Kentucky: We're dumber than you think."

Tundra Grifter August 16, 2012 at 9:54 am

Growing up in southern Ohio, we mocked Kentucky the way others made fun of Pollacks or blondes.

"What's the state bird of Kentucky?" The fly.

"What does it say on the bottom of Coke bottles in Kentucky?" Open Other End.

Stuff like that there.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Growing up in a tulip farming town, there was an entire hierarchy of hick jokes. The kids from Mount Vernon would mock the Burlington boys, who would then mock those kids from Sedro Wooley, and god help you if you came from the town of Concrete.

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:26 am

Growing up in East Tennessee, we said "Whu?…Hey!". And then shot something.

Preferred Customer August 16, 2012 at 10:03 am

"Kentucky: Driver Can't Read This License Plate."

Nothingisamiss August 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

It's a true fact: they can't be dumber than I think they are.

Designer_Rants August 16, 2012 at 11:26 am

"Kentucky: Measuring Our Ignorance Since 2009"

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm

"Kentucky – Jeebus Made Us"

Steverino247 August 16, 2012 at 9:35 am

Kentucky isn't going to float away, but it can fuck off.

One_who_wanders August 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

Next up Ky legislature repeals the Laws of Motion.

arihaya August 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

“We’re simply saying to the ACT people we don’t want what is a theory to be taught as a fact

So they won't tell that theory about that Jew who got nailed to a wood plank to death by some Italians in Palestine, but somehow could went back to life for a Sunday picnic?

Tundra Grifter August 16, 2012 at 9:56 am

Did you ever hear the bit on Al Franken's old radio show where a Blackfoot Chief debates creation myths with Pat Robertson?

Genius – sheer genius.

ManchuCandidate August 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

Critical and thinking don't come to mind when it comes to the bullshit that is Creationism.

I don't think the Hillbilly Kentucky GOPer knows what those words mean.

elviouslyqueer August 16, 2012 at 9:37 am
Misty Malarky August 16, 2012 at 10:01 am

I notice the Creation Museum is having themselves a 'Deaf Day'.

Maybe Ernest Angley can show up and cure 'em – for a small fee, naturally.

finallyhappy August 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

I used to love to watch him in the middle of the night before I had real cable. say BAYBEE, say JAYSUS!!!

nonbeliever7 August 16, 2012 at 11:46 am

Worse. The Cretin Museum is having a college expo day. Can't make this stuff up.

finallyhappy August 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

$30 to get in???? Really? and people pay that?

One_who_wanders August 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

And it is $50 to get out! It's a real money maker.

tracyhasfun August 21, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Like Hotel California without the fun psychedelics. And you can't take the towels.

banana_bread August 17, 2012 at 12:20 am

I was once traveling through KY to go to Mammoth Cave (awesome place) and my group sat around Cracker Barrel making jokes about this place. It was only after getting some really nasty stares that we realized we were like five miles from it. I could almost hear the banjos.

fartknocker August 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

Down here in Texas we don't screw with scientific theories. Instead we focus on all text books to ensure they mention Jesus on every 3rd page. Which can be tough because it's hard to interject God All Mighty when working through Bernoulli's equation for incompressible fluids. Praise God for conservation of energy! Amen.

ph7 August 16, 2012 at 9:41 am

I'm pretty sure a TI-83 would beat Jesus in a smart-off.

Generation[redacted] August 16, 2012 at 9:58 am

It doesn't matter what you enter into a Texas Instruments calculator. It displays the answer, "God Did It."

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

"God Did Done It"

MosesInvests August 16, 2012 at 12:18 pm

"Gawd done did it!'

eggsacklywright August 16, 2012 at 9:38 am

How about we change the name from Kentucky to Barbietucky, the newter state?

Beowoof August 16, 2012 at 9:38 am

All that knowing stuff doesn't make for people who will accept living in poverty while those at the top continue to screw them over.

no_gravity August 16, 2012 at 9:39 am

Can't they just build an ark in Kentucky and fill it with all this stupid?

ManchuCandidate August 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

Gonna need a bigger boat.

elviouslyqueer August 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

Done. And done.

OneYieldRegular August 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

Only slightly off topic, but while renting a vacation house a couple years ago, we found a jigsaw puzzle featuring a sort of primitivist illustration of Noah's ark. It depicted all the animals streaming up the ramp into the ark with a trio of dinosaurs off to the side, looking forlorn.

Generation[redacted] August 16, 2012 at 9:57 am

I think Robot Chicken provided the most plausible explanation.

no_gravity August 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

That's because dinosaurs didn't believe in jeebus.

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Hard for them to wave those little-bitty arms in the air while wailing "Save Me, Jeebus!!!!"
So they went extinct.
Christianny Natch'rul Slect'shun

ph7 August 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

I'm pretty sure the Derby horses are collectively smarter than the Kentucky GOP.

Tommy1733 August 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

I hate when lawmakers threaten my children by wanting to keep them from learning about the world. Yet I have a certain understanding of their issue. I mean, if you look around you at any given time, in daily life, there is no evidence for evolution – everything looks designed. We can experience gravity, but we can't experience quantum physics. So people have to place their trust in some outside agency to provide existential stability. The bible being used in that capacity has a longer history than does science. I don't really mind if students are taught that there are some people who believe in creationism, as long as this hypothesis is presented alongside real science, so that kids can see why one is scientifically valid and the other isn't. That would be a worthwhile lesson to learn. Unfortunately, I think the real underlying motivation for much of the "christian" "right" is that they are sincerely afraid god will be mad at us if we get it wrong. I'd like to see that hypothesis tested in science classes too.

MoeDeLawn August 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

Dumbasses read the bible; they're "afraid" God will be mad? He's worse than mad; he's like a freaking tweaker! "Hey, Abraham! Get your son and meet me up on that hill…"

JustPixelz August 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

The day is fast approaching when your doctor's foreign accent is far more comforting than his or her Southern accent.

Cutting taxes for rich people to create jobs is just a theory too. Let's call it "faith based economics".

For that matter, God is a theory. Where's the proof? Is it that the tornado didn't destroy your family photo album?

Tundra Grifter August 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

Back in June, the Booth School of Economics (University of Chicago) surveyed economists. Some 80% agreed that President Obama's stimulus package helped the national economy – with some variation, of course, in agreement with various parts of it (job growth, job preservation, GDP growth, etc.).

The survey did not find a single academically credentialed economist who agreed with the theory that cutting taxes can raise government revenues.

JP: "Faith-based economics" is priceless!

SigDeFlyinMonky August 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

The Publican's dominant economic ideology can be most accurately described as faith based free market fundamentalism that stands in opposition to observable fact.

eggsacklywright August 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

OT: Assange gets asylum in Ecuador. Now if they can just get him from the embassy to a plane.

DaSandman August 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

Soon they'll be changing pi from 3.14159265359 to 3 cause it's "easier".

no_gravity August 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Back in 1897 they already tried changing it in Indiana to 3.2 but it didn't work.

Steverino247 August 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

It's been tried, apparently: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Pi_Bill

There are rumors about such attempts being made by state legislatures where the state in question has a lengthy history of passing stupid laws.

Guppy August 16, 2012 at 10:04 am

And risk having their gallons (and fifths of gallons) be a little smaller than the rest of the country?

PubOption August 16, 2012 at 10:17 am

That would only be a concern for the few Kentuckians who actually buy their liquor in shops.

Angry_Marmot August 16, 2012 at 10:38 am

First Kings, chapter 7, verse 23.

(Ain't no miracle– the Egyptians figured out pi by drawing circles in the sand, measuring the diameter with a piece of string and then laying the string around the edge of the circle.)

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:32 am

And fruit bats and orangutans….

Douché August 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

We should Merge Kentucky and Kansas, deny them any gravity and let them both float away to heaven.

UW8316154 August 16, 2012 at 9:48 am

Gravity Denier!

TootsStansbury August 16, 2012 at 9:58 am

This is way funnier than what I wrote about gravity.

PubOption August 16, 2012 at 10:16 am

Oh crap, I live in Missouri, and it sounds like I might get floated off as well. Mind you our legislature has just introduced a 'Right to Pray' bill, which allows children to be exempted from any any lesson at school which is at odds with their religious beliefs.

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:20 pm

The Rapture = God shutting down that dang Satanny gravity

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:34 am

The Higgs boson is just God holding us down.

Steverino247 August 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

“There is more evidence for evolution than there is for the theory of gravity, than the idea that things are made up of atoms, or Einstein’s theory of relativity. It is the finest scientific theory ever devised.”

Which is exactly why it's under attack. There's the scientific method of resolving problems and the faith-based method of resolving problems. One method makes human progress possible and the other method allows pedophiles to remain priests or football coaches at Penn State.

Pragmatist2 August 16, 2012 at 9:43 am

The strongest argument against evolution is the stupidity of Republican members of state legislatures.

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

And the asshats that vote for them.

Texan_Bulldog August 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

I think Vincent Cassone, chairman of the University of Kentucky biology department, is probably the smartest SOB in that whole state.

Preferred Customer August 16, 2012 at 10:05 am

How many nights per week, on average, does he quietly weep himself to sleep? In Kentucky, the answer is 8.

PuckStopsHere August 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

There's a reason evolution is a Kentucky fail. Inbreeding.

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:35 am

Inbreeding is actually a great way to spur evolution. The part they are forgetting is the need to cull the defectives, aka, the GOP base.

Ruhe August 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

It's not about Jeebus or faith or the scientific method. It's about the money. I live three miles from the "Creation Museum". They take in suckers by the bus load every day, including a lot of school bus loads. These Kentucky legis-ludites are just protecting their own interest. Campaign contributions from well educated rational humanists are in short supply, especially for those running on a platform of "more-guns-less-abortions-makes-Jesus-happy". The progression here is obvious. First you dumb down the primary and secondary schools, then you insist that the state supported universities and colleges dumb it down too. Then you inform all Kentucky graduates that it would be best if they just not leave the state…ever.

finallyhappy August 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Do they give them free tickets??? $30 to get in for an adult

HistoriCat August 16, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Maybe you can get $25 tickets for groups of 10 or more.

AbandonHope_ August 16, 2012 at 11:46 am

When does the part when they secede from the Union and become the "Democratic Divine Grand Republic of Kentucky" happen? Because I really want to see that part.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

Science, how the fuck does it work?

Texan_Bulldog August 16, 2012 at 9:51 am

Tide comes in–tide goes out. You can't explain it.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

I could explain it, but it would just be some bullshit theory I just pulled out of my ass. Safer to go with Jesus.

Texan_Bulldog August 16, 2012 at 10:19 am

You're on a roll today, BSFD.

Greg Little August 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

I can't even tackle that quesiton right now – I'm still trying to figure out the mystery of the thermos: It keeps things hot…it keeps things cold…

finallyhappy August 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

I worked for a science agency for 25 years- and I still wake up wondering why airplanes don't just fall down out of the sky- also why E=MC squared

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 16, 2012 at 11:16 am

Einstein was just cold makin shit up. Jokes on us!

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm

He wuz a furriner too. Caint trust furriners. Or Yankees.

EatsBabyDingos August 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

But what about the abortosaurus? That was the gay Dino's fault, so he was flintstoned by the crowd.

OneYieldRegular August 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Are they building an Anti-Gravity Museum there yet? Because that's something I'd visit.

no_gravity August 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

They tried but it floated away.

Baconzgood August 16, 2012 at 9:48 am

The more stupider that you make these kids the morest they will vote for the GOP.

Baconzgood August 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

"We don't need no education"

PubOption August 16, 2012 at 10:19 am

What about thought control?

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Gotta think to have thoughts

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

When I was a smallskullf*ckingdog I used to hear "dark soft chasm" instead of "dark sarcasm". It always grossed me out a lot.

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:38 am

Hmmm…I sort of prefer that.

sbj1964 August 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

They have colleges in Kentucky? What like Barber college,Bartender college,or Clown college?

RadioBowels August 16, 2012 at 9:51 am

We are living with dinosaurs.

Nothingisamiss August 16, 2012 at 11:11 am

Very win.

Not_So_Much August 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

Kentucky = stoopid, Mississippi = lardass. Been some helpful breaking news the last two days.

north_of_moscow August 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

Having never been to Kentucky, I must call its existence into question.

banana_bread August 17, 2012 at 12:24 am

The sad thing is, Kentucky is really pretty and most of the people I met were quite nice. It's just that their mob mentality takes their IQ through the floor.

SoBeach August 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

…The theory of evolution is a theory, and essentially the theory of evolution is not science — Darwin made it up

No snark here.

There are some issues where compromise is possible. There are some issues where people can respectfully disagree.

This ain't one of them.

Fundamentalist morons pushing creationism instead of science need to be reminded they are slack-jawed idiots at every opportunity. People have tried for decades to reason with them and educate them but they are the most willfully ignorant people on the planet. They will never, ever honestly or rationally deal with anything that contradicts their ridiculous beliefs. So scorn and ridicule it is.

PsycWench August 16, 2012 at 10:19 am

Well, I'm all for teaching creationism as an alternative to evolution, just as soon as astrology is offered as an alternative to astronomy and alchemy is offered as an alternative to chemistry.

Estproph August 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

Don't say that, because they WILL do it.

HistoriCat August 16, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Alchemy sounds Muslin.

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:48 am

I believe that, as an alternative to astrophysics and cosmology, colleges should be required to teach the theory of "turtles all the way down."

PeaceWithHonor August 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

Knuckle draggers

Generation[redacted] August 16, 2012 at 9:53 am

Look, I just want Kentucky students to have the critical thinking skills to realize that we could float away, and consider that nothing is holding airplanes in the sky. Also, microwave ovens. Magic box? I think so.

Oh, and dentistry? In Kentucky, just another untested theory.

jjbearphx August 16, 2012 at 5:59 pm

I asked a pilot what keeps an airplane in the air, his answer was "Force of habit"
So you can't get me with a sanity clause because there is no such person.

randcoolcatdaddy August 16, 2012 at 9:54 am

Evangelical Christians have gotten left behind on the evolutionary curve.

BTWBFDIMHO August 16, 2012 at 9:55 am

Republicans are living proof of the Theory of Involution.

DahBoner August 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

Invisible Sky God Fever

Tundra Grifter August 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

Just don't get Reps. Givens and Waide started on man-made climate change. They don't want sinners to have to wait for Hell – they want them to roast right here on earth.

Of course, so will the Godly, but then, no theory is perfect, now is it?

belmontreport August 16, 2012 at 10:06 am

I know that they don't understand Evolution at all, but part of that might be because they don't really understand what a scientific "theory" is and don't use the term "critical thinking" correctly.

I weep at night knowing that the adults making policy decisions about science education can't define theory and critical thinking. Can we get those to definitions out of the way first, and then we can move on to explaining Evolution?

Guppy August 16, 2012 at 10:06 am

What say you, Vincent Cassone, chairman of the University of Kentucky biology department?

Let us all turn to John 1:23 for the Bible Quote of the Day:

I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness

amoamas August 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

I joined this site because I had been led to believe that you are the go-to, arts-based aggregator for pictures of Meghan McCain's boobs.

What's with all of the high-falutin' education theory? Is this, like, an academic conference site? Kentucky today, Heidegger tomorrow?

zippy_w_pinhead August 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm

in all fairness, Meghan McCain's boobs have certainly evolved since her formative years. Something, something, mountains from molehills, something, something…

qwerty42 August 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

We’re simply saying to the ACT people we don’t want what is a theory to be taught as a fact in such a way it may damage students’ ability to do critical thinking.
I know I and probably most others rest easy knowing we can always look to our wise, thoughtful solons for leadership and insight. Certainly, state legislatures (and – clearly – Kentucky's most of all) provide a rich source of inspiration for everyone. I mean, if we can't take scientific advice from a legislator, well who can we call on? If FDR had been smart, he would have looked to the state legislatures for that "Manhattan Engineering District" thing.

Chet Kincaid_ August 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

Growing up in a fundie Christian household as a person with a brain, I settled all these issues for myself way back in the late '70s before even reaching drinking age. Our local, mediocre little library contained enough popular science and Creationist-debunking literature to make the discussion clear. My point is, unless Kentucky destroys their public library system, there will still be the possibility that children will develop wicked independence of thought.

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

Well, you do technically have freedom to choose. Just don't choose wrong, or it's the firey pit for you!

What always kills me is the way those people always prate on about "god's plan for their life" and then deny believing in fate.

schvitzatura August 16, 2012 at 1:30 pm

How "God's loose set of suggested guidelines for their lives". Seeing it is about free will and all, right?

Literalism seems to eff it all up though…

PubOption August 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

Public Library = Socialist, so could be in line for destruction.

HistoriCat August 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm

A good old-fashioned book-burning would take care of that little problem.

DahBoner August 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

Without Science, how can we build a Better Mexican Robot????

insidebeltway August 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

Perhaps it should be renamed The Law of Evolution.

Estproph August 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

I refuse to accept any kind of criticism of the scientific method from people who believe that Elvis was taken away in a UFO by space aliens.

insidebeltway August 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

So Kentucky, when you get gonorrhea and the antibiotics don't work, don't blame evolution, it's just god's will.

deanbooth August 16, 2012 at 10:19 am

Un-fucking-believable!*

* like evolution

bureaucrap August 16, 2012 at 10:29 am

Perhaps instead of science and math, we can prepare an alternative for them and their ilk which tests them on what they think is important, viz. "When Eboazer and Yalel went unto Bethel there to meet the Amorite king and bestow upon him the greetings of King Zecharianib, how many ephahs of corn did they bring unto him?"

Not that this body of knowledge has any practical use whatsoever, but at least it demonstrates an ability to engage in rote memorization of useless facts, which makes it not too different than anything else we learn for standardized tests.

MosesInvests August 16, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"'Then slew they the goats, yea, and put they the bits into tiny pots.' Here endeth the lesson."

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Did theyest wanteth fries with that?

CogitoErgoSumo August 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? If it were invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush, Sorry. Old joke. Sorry.

SigDeFlyinMonky August 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

Higher education in Kentucky generally consists of Bourbon Symposia.

MonkeyMotion August 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

Oh for f**ks sake! Then let's just use KY for storing nuclear waste.

Cuz, you know, all that radioactive sciency stuff is just smartypants theory.

sufferinsuccotash August 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

But but but…didn't Fred & Barney ride around on dinosaurs?
I saw it on the teebee!

YasserArraFeck August 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Flintstones – bestest documentary I ever done saw

rickmaci August 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

Hey Kentucky, I have Mississippi on the line and they are pissed off that you stole their Stupidest Legislature in the Union designation.

JCE1985 August 16, 2012 at 11:14 am

Yeah, Darwin "made it up." He didn't have to really do anything. And all the evidence that came in later that ended up strongly supporting evolution? Made up.

Now tell me more about this crazy Jesus fella. You say he's got magical powers, and he's the son of god but he's really god anyway and he poops rainbows and is a white guy who loves guns?

fuflans August 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

the Kentucky GOP is madder than a plumber in a Chipotle

i can't think of anything funnier than that so i'm just not going to say anything.

lloyd32 August 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

Somebody has to say it–it's awfully lazy and stupid to slander an entire state based on one GOPer's mind-boggling awfulness. I'm reasonably certain that most of you do not think less of Minnesota because of Michele Bachmann or New York because of Peter King, and so on. But when the state is southern and, "worse" yet, partially Appalachian, painting the entire state with the broadest of strokes is somehow OK to many of you. Why is that?

And to answer the question you're probably asking, yes, I live in Kentucky, and I love my home state despite its horribly frustrating politics. There are millions of thoughtful, educated, forward-thinking people in this state who embody the progressive, tolerant principles you'd claim to hold dear (but which you're not living up to right now).

But enough of all that. I hope your smugness and your false sense of superiority keeps you warm at night. I'm off to find a cousin to impregnate.

Doktor Zoom August 16, 2012 at 8:11 pm

You're new here, aren't you?

comrad_darkness August 16, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Very new, it appears.

Everyone's state takes a turn, that's why there frequently are competitive statements such as: "hey, thanks Georgia, there were two Arizona articles in a row, and we needed the break."

carolinaswamp August 18, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Remember my occasional pleas that South Carolina not be abandoned, the state with the unofficial motto (from James L. Petigru on the eve of secession) "South Carolina is too small for a republic and too large for an insane asylum." We continue to prove him wrong on the latter part.

smokingood August 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

As someone who teaches a technical subject at a certain large public university in KY, I can assure Sen. Givens that worrying about my student's critical thinking skills is getting way ahead of ourselves. Reading and arithmetic would be a more reasonable starting point.

lumpenprole August 16, 2012 at 11:31 am

"…a test personalized for Kentucky, but he was told that option was very expensive and time-consuming."

How could anyone resist the idea of getting paid to create that test? Just imagine the mirth when the test scores are announced.

mavenmaven August 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

Not understanding math or science makes it easier to support Ryan's budget plans.

resolvedwaldron August 16, 2012 at 11:41 am

the hell you say, why the next thing you know Kentucky will want to make PI a perfect 3.0..why, becuase it's easy to remember and , wait looks like Alabama beat em to it: http://www.nmsr.org/alabama.htm.

schvitzatura August 16, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Pie are square. Cakes are round.

schvitzatura August 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Roll Damn Tide (of intellectual effluence)!

MinAgain August 16, 2012 at 11:52 am

You want Kentucky to take evolution seriously? Find some way to link it to basketball.

Loren August 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I grew up in Kentucky and this does not surprise me at all.
We only learned about 'micro' evolution in my science class.
We learned about Jesus in History class (becuase the bible is the same as history).
And my old high school recently did away with sex ed because 'to many kids were getting pregnant'.
STOP BEING STUPID KENTUCKY!

gogogodzilla August 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

They apparently don't like math either: "Unlike the 'modern math' theorists, who believe that mathematics is a creation of man and thus arbitrary and relative, A Beka Book teaches that the laws of mathematics are a creation of God and thus absolute…A Beka Book provides attractive, legible, and workable traditional mathematics texts that are not burdened with modern theories such as set theory."
http://www.abeka.com/Distinctives.aspx

Set theory is the spawn of Satan.

Doktor Zoom August 16, 2012 at 8:01 pm

See also http://boingboing.net/2012/08/07/what-do-christia

(Spoiler Alert: I'm waiting for my copy of a Bob Jones U high school literature anthology to arrive… and then there will be a fun post or two!)

Nowisallthereis August 16, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Kentucky SAT Test: 1. Which way is up (A-up, B-Jesus)
2. Who's your daddy (A-my brother, B-Jesus)
3. What is 2+2 (A-can I use my toes to count?, B-Jesus)
4. If your front porch collapses how many dogs underneath will be killed (A-none cause that's where my brother/daddy sleeps, B-Jesus)

schvitzatura August 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Double Dog Dare Derp:

Lynne (Klingeman) Givens, wife of 18 years, teaches Biology at Green County High School and coaches Varsity Girls Volleyball.

lulzmonger August 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

BREAKING:

RNC HQ MOVING TO KENTUCKY, ALABAMA GRIEF-STRICKEN

slamtundra August 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

True story: I tried to send this Waide motherfucker a message letting him know how proud he's making his constituents and the rest of the country, but he misspelled his own name on his contact page. But don't worry; I got my message to him.

zippy_w_pinhead August 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I'm starting to believe that Kentucky is a an experiment in de-evolution

Baba_NinjaCat12 August 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm

If the smart christian educated Kentucky republican legislature believe in Evolution is a made-up theory, then Gravity is also a made-up theory. Then, why don't they test it out by, um, driving off a cliff and not look down. Willy E. Coyote would never have fallen off a cliff after failing to catch the Roadrunner, he could have cross the canyon safely.

whatupirondog August 16, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Don't forget this part:

"Givens said he asked the ACT representatives about possibly returning to a test personalized for Kentucky, but he was told that option was very expensive and time-consuming."

That's the key: Not "We won't conform to your stupidity because it's wrong and you're hurting your children's educations" but "Sure! What changes in the nature of reality do you want? That will be an extra $10,000!"

Knowing ACT as I do, this reaction does not surprise me in the least. Fear for your children.

BZ1 August 16, 2012 at 5:11 pm

stupid is as stupid does

jjbearphx August 16, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Wait wait wait In KY the earth is still flat and the sun revolves around the earth?
Geometry is not taught because it is theory that proves a triangle is a triangle and that a square is a square?
Do they still use the cubit as a form of measurement not the english or metric system?

comrad_darkness August 16, 2012 at 10:49 pm

"Givens said he asked the ACT representatives about possibly returning to a test personalized for Kentucky, but he was told that option was very expensive and time-consuming."

Shorter version: Kentucky is "Special"

fishwharf August 16, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Perhaps Senator Givens is unaware of the fact that 86 years ago in his neighboring state of Tennessee the Scopes Monkey Trial caused endless ridicule to be heaped upon that state. A science teacher in Dayton, Tennessee was put on trial for teaching evolution. The story is well told in Stanley Cramer's film, Inherit the Wind, starring Spencer Tracy.

dopper0189 August 17, 2012 at 4:37 am

If I was unevolved like Republican Sen. David Givens I wouldn't believe in evolution either. Senator Givens is all like "if evolution is real why am I still an Australopithecus and my constituents are still Cro-Magnon" suckers!!!

ravi_shankar August 17, 2012 at 11:16 am

KYians may be undereducated maroons, but they sure make good Bourbon.

labman57 August 17, 2012 at 11:46 am

Socially-regressive conservative politicians are on a quest to send public K-12 curriculum back 100 years with legislation designed to propagate right wing revisionist history in social studies classes, and proselytize religious ideology and promote corporate-funded anti-environmental propaganda in the science classroom.

Alas, the rest of the nation did not get the memo.

ChapterUndVerse August 21, 2012 at 1:14 am

"Givens said he asked the ACT representatives about possibly returning to a test personalized for Kentucky, but he was told that option was very expensive and time-consuming."

Gosh, couldn't they just privatize, that, also too?

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:19 am

Kentucky Derpy Libel!!!

Boojum August 17, 2012 at 8:20 am

Virginia Foxx does not disprove evolution, but it's a close call.

ttommyunger August 17, 2012 at 10:28 am

Derpy, indeed! I don't get it. Bunch of horsies run in a circle.Sent from my iPhone

ttommyunger August 17, 2012 at 10:28 am

Reverse evolution, perhaps.Sent from my iPhone

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