How inspirationally Churchillian!Mitt Romney has a never-ending list of complaints about things President Obama is not allowed to criticize him on — Medicare, his business career, taxes, things of that nature — but the Obama campaign simply won’t stop. The only way to stop this now is to get the people involved. We must all sign this petition to get our names in the Romney contact database end the hurtful attacks on Mitt Romney during this most important of elections. Will you, reader, “sign [this] petition if you agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago”?

From the new venture, “America Deserves Better”:

President Obama’s campaign and his surrogates have made wild and reckless accusations that disgrace the office of the Presidency. Another outrageous charge came yesterday in Virginia. And the White House sinks a little bit lower.

This is what an angry and desperate Presidency looks like.

President Obama knows better and promised better; and America deserves better.

Sign the petition if you agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago.

Former Democratic strategist Peter Feld raises a good point in his response to “Mitt Romney” on Twitter: “complaining about tactics makes you look weak. Like a wimp. Man up. And where do you come off maligning a major US city?” Indeed, how do Republicans get away with trashing the third largest city in the United States, constantly? This geographical license Republicans have to play their base off of City Folk has always fascinated your Wonkette. Democrats win like 80%+ of the vote in major cities, but also need to either win or keep margins close in suburbs, small towns, etc. They get no advantage from outright insulting certain demographics. Republicans have ceded the urban vote so sharply that they gain by insulting major metropolitan areas and the people who live in them as craven monsters. See Pfotenhauer, Nancy, for a prime example.

[Mitt Romney]

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  • Come here a minute

    Mitt Romney is just practicing Salt Lake City tactics. Run awayyyyyyyyyy!

    • Serolf_Divad

      Mitt reminds me of Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke, except if instead of pulling his bloody, beaten, self up to keep throwing futile punches at Dragline during the boxing scene, when everybody around him was begging him to "just say down, for God's sakes," Luke had run away weeping and whimpering at the first punch.

      • BlueStateLibel

        Our Mitt is the anti-Rocky.

    • RadioBowels

      Or Boston, or Grosse Pointe, or La Jolla, or Kochville, or The Middle of Nowhere.

    • Caelan Aegana

      Guess Paul Ryan's Holy Hand Grenade didn't work as planned?

      • sullivanst

        I think they counted to five.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Also, can I point out that this is a guy who made his fortune buying companies with borrowed money, firing the workers, liquidating their pensions, loading the companies with debt and then paying himself millions of dollars in bonuses?

      Chicago politics ain't shit as compared to the cold blooded ruthlessness of Bane Capital gold-lust.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, but he did all that in quiet rooms, where you can't hear the little people insult you. Or suffer, for that matter.

        Oh, and you forgot one key component – structuring said deals to make sure as little as possible of the billions in revenue, gains and fees Bain realized were ever subject to taxation anywhere in the world, helping to shred infrastructure and social programs on a global basis.

    • arihaya

      Brave Sir Romney run away, bravely he run away….

  • Callyson

    Cutme Abreak,, just signed. Thanks for the heads up!

    • HateMachine

      Whiner Rmoney, reporting in!

    • MacRaith

      Wimp Pansy, appears to have signed the petition also.

    • Not_So_Much

      Laceypants Ennui, One million strong!

    • Don B. Apussy,, reporting for duty.

    • I.P. Freely, Esq. is in da house!

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Suque-Itupp Butrcupp, reporting for duty!

    • IonatraIler

      Dick. Lesswonder signed in from

    • SoBeach

      Dodger Taxes ( signed.

    • Callie Waaaambulance, checking in!

    • Butch_Wagstaff now thinks that Moneybot's wittle hurt feelings are a major campaign issue.

    • IonaTrailer

      Cryme Ariver signed in from

    • Beaux Hugh-Hughes, also signed! I think they're related.

      • IonaTrailer

        Suckit Up, I'

    • Finally, some mysterious figure named Anonymous Youpeopledontneedtoknow, illtellyou@fterigetelected.not, also signed.

    • montreal_bruin

      Budd Fukk and Anna Lingus have performed their civic duty!

      My go-to email address is, for old time's sake.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Whiny McButthurtt,, is very upset about Mitt's hurt butt.

    • rickmaci hoping you won't make me go to Chicago or I will break down in tears.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Limp Weenie @ reporting for dooty.

    • IonaTrailer
    • TootsStansbury

      I don't know how to war blog :sadface: it won't take my Les Fifi I am disappoint.

      • Callyson

        My guess–it does not like the word “commie.” Try,, or

    • BlueStateLibel sends best regards.

    • Boojum

      Hugh Gerection is on board.

    • BlueIA

      Hugh Jass and Al Coholic signed!

    • Come here a minute

      Rivercry Peepants totally supports you, Mittens.

      • Come here a minute


        Four years ago, President Obama ran on a campaign of "hope and change," promising to be a different kind of politician. Today, however, we bear witness to a campaign based on frustration and division.

        With no record to run on, President Obama and the liberal Democrats continue to practice Chicago-style politics, making false accusations that disgrace the Office of the President. President Obama and his allies have gone from implying that Governor Romney is a felon and murderer to saying that Republicans want to put Americans in chains.

        Watch this recent video to see how the Obama campaign and the liberal Democrats have gone too far.

        It's time for President Obama and the liberal Democrats to take responsibility for the tone and rhetoric coming from their reelection machine.

        Please donate $10 or more today to bring civility back to Washington.


        Reince Priebus
        Chairman, Republican National Committee

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Mike Hunt, mikehunthurtz@gdoh! reporting for doodee!

      • sullivanst

        They don't do very good email address validation, then.

    • Grokenstein

      Sobbin Bauler ( signed but did not care to donate.

    • paulabflat

      pittypat pantsload,

      and they BOUGHT it. thanked me for it.

      now for a bowl of tasty, heart healthy cheerios. with banana.

    • MozakiBlocks

      Ima Whiner, weaktitty.msn also

  • tbogg

    By midnight there will be at least 30,000 Weedlord Bonerhitler's who have signed up.

    • Make that 30,001.

      • Pat_Pending

        Heywood J. Blowme, here!

        • badseeds

          Better to say Heywood Jablome. It takes them longer to figure out.

    • UnholyMoses

      Hi there. Hugh Jorgan, pleased to meet you.

      • billy_reuben

        Mike Oxlong is just livid about this issue.

    • CthuNHu

      Tonsor Involuntaria, 48304

      Behind you all the way, sir. With a shiv. Of votes.

    • Well, shit.

  • DaSandman

    But I want to see the mean scary black man make the Latter Day Saint cry tears of molten gold.


    • miss_grundy

      And I want to see it live on television with instant replay.

      • paulabflat

        it's why TIVO was INVENNNNNNNNNTED!!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Do robots not cry human tears?

    • rmjagg

      the tears won't be molten gold , although yellow in color .

      • BerkeleyBear

        They won't even be tears, but might have a scent of asparagus depending on what Romney ingested.

    • CthuNHu

      Maybe if he pays the scary black man $20, he can convince him not to hurt him. Convince him in a special way.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I smell a trap. It's illegal to co-ordinate with a super PAC.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Well then I guess it's a good thing that is not a real email address.

      As far as I know.

      • CthuNHu

        Todd Palin's inbox may be a little bit fuller today.

  • It's easier to run a campaign "out in the middle of nowhere."

    • Geminisunmars

      And I'm hoping they will continue to run it into the "middle of nowhere."

      • Jus_Wonderin

        "Hey, where ya going? You've got a shovel? Whatcha digging? You'r digging a grave. Is it a personal grave or a business grave? Need some help with that Whoa, we sure are a long way from Chicago."

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          "Sure are a lot of trees out here – and they're all the right height."

  • fartknocker

    Mitt is a pussy.

    • UnholyMoses

      No, he's not.

      I like pussy.

    • Zepster

      You are what you eat.

  • no_gravity

    Romney wouldn't last 5 minutes in Chicago before he found his custom made, Italian leather shoes tied in a neat bun on the top of his Easter Island head.

  • Dear Mittens. If you can stand the heat, stay out of the White House!

  • Serolf_Divad

    Looks like Mitt Romney brought a box of hankies to a knife fight.

    • foxpuppet

      Tee hee!

    • emmelemm

      Good one!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Well, John Boehner's going to be there, so…

      • ibwilliamsi

        Do you suppose he cries orange tears?

      • glasspusher

        …better to bring a crate of hankies?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      It's Mitt's time, to cry.

      • sullivanst

        "I've told lies you people wouldn't believe"

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      And threw the whole box at the knife.

    • rickmaci

      All Twitt Phoney wanted was a chance to redecorate the Oval Office, not all this slapping and hitting.

    • Come here a minute

      The Swiss Army Knife of linens — good for wiping one's tears or waving in surrender. Can even serve as a diaper, in a pinch.

    • It's my (political) party, and I'll cry if I want to!

  • MonkeyMotion

    Why doesn't Mittens just tell his mommy?

    • Serolf_Divad

      He did, but she told him to "be a Man for once in your life, for God's sakes!" and sent him right back out to the playground.

    • Exhausted66

      I think you mean mommies.

    • sullivanst

      He's afraid she'll ask for her jeans back.

  • elviouslyqueer

    complaining about tactics makes you look weak. Like a wimp. Man up.

    Oooooh gurl! He went right there.

    • Jus_Wonderin


  • Nostrildamus

    We must all sign this petition to get our names in the Romney contact database

    Actually a good move. They'll cross check against that list when they're purging registered voters in FL, PA, OH, etc. to make sure they don't remove any real Americans.

  • SorosBot

    "President Obama’s campaign and his surrogates have made wild and reckless accusations"

    How are fair and accurate statements about Romney's actual actions and policies "wild and reckless accusations"?

    • Geminisunmars

      They've been uttered outside of quiet rooms.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Not to mention that after four years of what the Republicans have thrown at Barack Obama, complaining about being treated unfairly resonates with about the same degree of absurdity (and unhinged-ness) as trying to fill an oil tanker by pissing in it.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Telling the truth about the GOP is wild and reckless. What's so hard to understand about that?

  • LastGasp

    I agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago.

    Signed, Stoney McBongHitler

    [Edit] Oh this is rich — "Between now and the start of the Republican National Convention on August 27, you can earn new Romney-Ryan gear while contacting voters on behalf of Mitt and Paul."

    Sign me up!

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Hello, I'm calling on behalf of Mitt Romney. Did you know there's a black man in the white house?"

    • Tempting. Very tempting.

      "Governor Romney would like to know if you have Medicare in a can."

      "The Romney-Ryan team wants to know if your Social Security is running."

      "Congratulations, sir/ma'am. You've been selected at random by the Mitt Romney campaign to receive a free four-year-long colonoscopy, paid for by Koch Industries."

    • T3rbo

      oh wow, that is tempting. Hello, senior citizen-won't you help Mitt Romney destroy Medicare, Medicaid, nutrition assistance, and education?

    • Barrelhse

      I want a sweater-vest!

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Is the Romney-Ryan gear made in China? Vietnam?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Utah maybe?

        • GeorgiaBurning

          only the special underwear

      • HistoriCat

        Forget where it's made – what's Bain's connection to the manufacturer? Romney is going to make a profit from this campaign no matter what it takes.

    • OneYieldRegular

      1,500 calls for a mere t-shirt? Unless it's Ann Romney's very own fishbird t-shirt, that is one hell of an austerity program.

      • Serolf_Divad

        Yeah, but if you make a million calls you get your own Swiss bank account.

        • schvitzatura

          For a billion calls, your own afterlife personal pleasuredome planet?

    • Do they have pepper spray?

    • ibwilliamsi

      On a more serious note, you could all join me in working for the Obama campaign. We've been making "coersion calls". It's fun. I loved the little old toothless woman who told me that she didn't know who she was voting for, and thought that they should legalize street drugs. I was able to tell her that I sincerely believed that Mitt Romney would not be doing that.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I'm thinking the toothless lady may have been a Ron Paul supporter.

        • ibwilliamsi

          True dat….

  • UnholyMoses

    Shorter Romney campaign:

    "Telling the truth about what I plan on doing as president is divisive, mean, and hateful!"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Especially since I have no clue what to do if I'm elected."

    • CthuNHu

      "You certainly don't see me doing that!"

  • Oh Geebuzz Eaytch Fucking Crackerjacks.

    HOW did this fucker ever make it out of gradeschool without being permanently tagged Mr Whineybaby? Oh wait, cause the Rmoney butlers, drivers and nannies went around handing out cash, bribing every kid who uttered such blasphemies to STFU. Otherwise

    • no_gravity

      I think he made it through with a scissors in his pocket at the ready.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Probably those small, plastic safety scissors in case, you know, he might his wittle fingies.

    • Barrelhse

      Spin and Marty.

    • BarryWDC

      Plus, don't ferget that Willard led the school year posse while in prep school whereby him and his bubbas held down guys thought to be gay and cut their hair. I guess he forgot how to be a bully and turned to whining.

      • sullivanst

        Bullies usually bawl their eyes out when someone fights back.

      • BoroPrimorac

        The bullied kids in public school could've been bullies in Mitt's pansy ass prep school.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Soar Balz @rnc

  • arihaya

    If we give our contact to Obama's campaign we may be invited to have a beer or two.

    But what will we get from Mitt? A pack of Jello?

    • calliecallie

      Or a cup of the kool-aid.

    • Geminisunmars

      Don't they make Jello from gelatin from horse bones? Uh oh.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Rafalca libel!

        Seriously, though… When IS the last time anybody saw Rafalca?

  • Pragmatist2

    And Romney should take his campaign of hatred and division back to LaJolla, Belmont, Wolfesboro,Park City etc.

  • MacRaith

    That's his solution? A freaking petition? I thought Republicans were supposed to be tough guys, but take away their "Second Amendment remedies" (because the Secret Service will pay you a visit if you say that kind of thing about the President), and they're just a bunch of petition-signing wimps.

    • OneYieldRegular

      And dirty hippies, too.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    This geographical license Republicans have to play their base off of City Folk has always fascinated your Wonkette.

    Isn't "urban" a dogwhistle word for "blah"?

  • HateMachine

    I'm all in favor of this. It really hurts my feelings when someone says a thing about me, or uses metaphors, or repeats a thing I have said, so I completely understand where Mitt is coming from.

    Also, I bruise rather badly upon most physical contact, which is why I have been suspended in a warm nutrient jelly since birth. Mitt Romney's my idol, because he's so tough! I mean, by comparison.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "warm nutrient jelly"
      I don't suppose that is a smear for my bagel?

      • HateMachine

        I wouldn't, because I know exactly where it's been.

        (DISCLAIMER: this account of the internet Hate Machine's life has been slightly [read: completely] fictionalized)

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Did you get a backpack implanted zim style?

    • UnholyMoses

      Organic warm nutrient jelly or GTFO!

  • sharethegrief

    These complaints are made by a man who called the shots from the 30th floor in a boardroom behind closed doors. All he knows to do is slap Obama with one of his silk gloves. Welcome to the real fucking world, Mittens.

  • Rich Whiner heartily approves and can't wait until Mitt gets the kind of friendly campaign that he carried out against Newt, Michele, Rick and that pizza-blowjobby guy.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Seriously, the level of entitlement this man has is not only viewable from orbit, but in fact knocks satellites out of orbit and will one day send Neptune crashing into the sun.

  • MissTaken

    Mitt is really showing us the giant pair of balls he will carry around when dealing with Kim Jung Un and Ahmadinejad. Assad is shaking in his Syrian boots right now.

    • SorosBot

      Just imagine how he will defend the Untied States by talking with mean anti-American foreign leaders, and promptly pissing himself.

      • Generation[redacted]

        "Sign this petition if you think Kim Jung Un should stop raining missiles down on Seoul."

        • nmmagyar

          This approach is better than "Forward this message to 10 friends if you want china to stop invading California". See, Mittens IS strong on foreign policy.

      • foxpuppet

        This is okay because Magic Underwear act like Depends when the need arises..

      • emmelemm

        Untied States: Typo, or best play on words ever?

        • glasspusher

          He doesn't want to get into a confrontatory position- either with the United Snakes, or, with them

      • miss_grundy

        I guess the government will have to pay a lot of money to a contractor to keep him in Depends men's underwear.

    • LetUsBray

      Willard's foreign policy will likely also lose some international prestige after Vladimir Putin nails his shriveled little balls to his forehead on live TV.

      • miss_grundy

        And the British P.M. calls him a wanker or a tosser and M.I. 6 looks at him rather meanly.

    • MosesInvests

      "When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled, brave, brave, brave Sir Mittens…."

  • elviouslyqueer

    Anna Leakij from Signed, locked, and loaded. USA USA USA, also, too.

    • rmjagg

      romney is all too familiar with annaleakij

    • UnholyMoses

      Comments like that are why I love this site …

  • SorosBot

    I've seen tons of Romney ads online recently, including here on Wonkette and on other places which are not likely to have many people inclined to vote for him, including while watching The Daily Show on Hulu and Maddow on; they are mostly both whiny and filled with lies, with the latest being angry that Obama would dare point out that Mitt and Paul's plan to destroy Medicare would destroy Medicare.

    It's all just just constant whining that Obama would dare say mean truthful things about him.

    • sullivanst

      And to think, the whining is only going to get more intense as the election nears and it becomes more and more clear that Romney is going to lose, and lose big, in part because he's such a fucking whiney whiner, and also because he wants to destroy Medicare, and also because he's a compulsive liar. But mostly the whiney whining all the whiney time.

      Whining does not win votes.

  • T3rbo

    Please sign my petition to bring John Kerry style politics back into our electoral process. In the past, Democrats would gently, and quietly, respond politely to ad hominem attacks against their character and families, which would allow republicans to throw out outrageous lies and trick ignorant hillbillies. But this noble tradition, ruined by this secret muslim kenyan socialist blah, has been discarded.
    And now, the blah guy is trying his Chicago-Style politics in this election, politics that involve mean, but true, words that the press pays attention to. Won't you help me stop this, real american, by signing my petition?

    • RadioBowels

      I don't have to send money — Do I?

      • T3rbo

        Yes, my friend, you do. Do you think gold teeth for a dancing horse just appear out of thin air?

        • RadioBowels

          OK, I want a bumper sticker that says: Romney Cares!

          • T3rbo

            We only have ones that say "Destroy Medicare With Romney/Ryan 2012"

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            They're not exactly advertising romneycare these days.

    • miss_grundy

      No!!!!!!!!!!!! My kind of town Chicago is……….

    • spareme

      Well Obama needs to try harder – right now, Mittens is less than a mile away from my home, sucking a bunch of money out of a bunch of riches. $25,000 gets you dinner with Mittens, and a grand gets you into the show to eyeball him. I'm hoping they all fall down Red Mountain. Chicago is my hometown, I should go over there and put down a grand just so I can tell him to fuck off, Chicago style.

  • Billmatic


    • Baconzgood

      I don't know why. But I feel this is the comment of the day.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Bizarro Billmatic?

      • Billmatic

        I figured sticking with this Bizzaro joke would eventually pay off because seriously what the hell.

  • Ayn_Ryan

    tu quoque, Mittens, tu quoque.

    • foxpuppet

      Is that Latin for "Mitt Romney, you're a dick"? Because it should be…

  • OneYieldRegular

    Why won't Mitt Romney stop this war of divisiveness and give us all home car elevators?

    • RadioBowels

      Two in every garage!

    • Or homes.

    • el_donaldo

      I won't stop tantruming until I have a dancing pony of my very own.

      • sullivanst

        But I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant one!!!!!!

  • It's politics, not fucking Boy Scouts.

    • foxpuppet

      With all these excessive regulations on sex offenders, fucking Boy Scouts is not the picnic it used to be…

    • Generation[redacted]

      I believe this sort of maneuver would get your ass kicked in the Boy Scouts.

      • UnholyMoses

        I believe this sort of maneuver would get your ass kickedstabbed repeatedly and then dumped in the woods in the Boy Scouts.

        Fixed for Swiss Army-ness and Do My Bestitude.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Well, Ryan IS Catholic.

  • bureaucrap

    I'll also sign a petition to get a nuclear waste dump located underneath the Mormon Tabernacle.

    • rmjagg

      that would disrupt the crypt orgies around the wax figures of the dead ones baptized after death and against their wishes , including romney's father-in-law …

  • SexySmurf

    Now we know why Mittens loves vaginas so much: He is one.

    • Steverino247

      Well, to be fair, I rather enjoy vaginas, too. And when I'm visiting, I try to stay there as long as I can without wearing out either my welcome or the vagina.

    • ColHeightsChic

      Please do not insult vaginas like that. My vagina can take a bruising without running home to mama to cry.

    • That is an insult to vagina everywhere.

    • Geminisunmars

      Well, you can't hate a man for liking to eat papaya, now can you.

    • My God, Ann Romney's face is wider than a Jack Kirby drawing of Sue Storm from a 1968 issue of The Fantastic Four!

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Wooden vagina.


    • miss_grundy

      Thanks for this story! Mittens es una papaya, pero también es un payaso comemierda.

    • When you're Mr. Fantastic, they always fit! Mitt and Ann thank you for your support:

  • Extemporanus


    1. No slurs on Republicans or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled, not just Republicans). This is well-established, assholes.
    2. No wishing or ideating on political threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinevoting’ or hoping for their defeat in any other sense than that you hope they lose lonely and alone).
    3. Try not to be totally Liberal.
    4. If you wanna be disgusting Demonrats and talk about sulkfucking your opponents, then your GOP nominee, as a One Percenter robo-king in the land of the Ninety-Nine, will not not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing chains on someone. Maybe think about that?

    • not that Dewey

      This comment has been deleted by the administrator.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        This comment is intended to say WIN for Extemporanus.

    • RadioBowels

      Skullfucking and assault rifles are OK then?

      • Extemporanus

        Yes, though not necessarily in that order.

    • SpeedoFart

      Upfist for "sulkfucking"!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Is "sulkfucking" like "scowlfucking"? And are the both similar to "hatefucking"?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
    • Oh for fuck's sake.

      • Extemporanus
      • Chichikovovich

        What Chet said.

        • Extemporanus

          Maybe I'm misinterpreting what Chet said — and your subsequent seconding — but, to be clear…


          Poorly? Perhaps. But sincerely? C'mon…

          • not that Dewey

            Gentlemen, you can't satirize in here! This is the poop-joke room!

          • Extemporanus

            Does me feeling like shit because two of my fellow Wonketteers whom I respect and admire most didn't find what I said funny count as a poop joke?

            Because if so…

            The Aristocrats!

  • foxpuppet

    Did anyone else misread the petition request as: "Sign the petition if you agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate black to Chicago"?

  • rickmaci

    I'm looking at that picture and wondering how much the watch Bitch Romoney is wearing is worth.

    • foxpuppet

      Well, if you can get the cooties off of it, it might be worth something?

  • RRoccoco

    I'd call Mitt a pussy, but that wouldn't be fair to my two nuetered cats who have more balls than this pampered plutocratic poseur.

  • paulf40

    Is there a "Mitt, wash the sand out of your mangina" box we can check? (sorry if that was sexist)

  • Iam_Who_Iam

    "should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago."

    Um, am I the only one who finds this a bit confusing because Obama's campaign is based in Chicago? I mean, um, it's there already, right? So we don't really need to take it back there, unless someone took it, did someone take it while I wasn't looking?

  • mavenmaven

    Romney is clearly commander-in-chief material.

    • foxpuppet

      Or materiel.

    • Brave Sir Mittens
      He bravely ran away

    • CthuNHu

      I recall Churchill, during the darkest hours of the Blitz, rallying the British people by calling upon them to sign a petition pleading for Hitler to take his division, anger and hate back to Berlin. And Churchill and Britain triumphed.

      Mitt is just a modern-day Churchill, fighting against a far worse enemy.

  • MissTaken

    Kum bay ya, Mittens, kum bay ya;
    Kum bay ya, Mittens, kum bay ya;
    Kum bay ya, Mittens, kum bay ya,
    O Mittens, you're a fucking wimp.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Hey Mitt, you should put Barry in a headlock and give him a haircut during the debates.
    Oh, he may not be as feeble and weak as the last guy you tried that on so be prepared to get the shit kicked out of you this time.

    • IonaTrailer

      Especially when Seal Team 6 arrives.

    • rmjagg

      if the last guy was so feeble and weak , why did romney need so much help , including the school wrestling champ ? always wondered what romney was so fearful of

  • coolhandnuke

    So your brother's bound and gagged
    And they've chained him to a chair
    Won't you please come to chicago just to sing
    In a land that's known as freedom how can such a thing be fair
    won't you please come to chicago for the help that we can bring

    We can change the world rearrange the world
    It's dying – to get better

    Politicians sit yourselves down, there's nothing for you here
    won't you please come to chicago for a ride
    don't ask jack to help you `cause he'll turn the other ear
    won't you please come to chicago or else join the other side

    We can change the world rearrange the world
    it's dying – if you believe in justice
    dying – and if you believe in freedom

    • I bought that record right after I got done with Vietnam and played it for my mom one day. She was appalled at all the lawless hippies. Also expressed great satisfaction at the deaths of Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin.

    • Geminisunmars

      Now there is a nice little nostalgic ditty.

  • What Mittens needs is a good Atomic Wedgie.

    Fucking wiener. He's upset when the "Other" fucked up his entire campaign strategerizee and made him look like an idiot (although that would have happened anyway.)

  • Generation[redacted]

    I'm looking forward to the first debate, when Mittens prefaces his opening argument by handing Obama this petition, signed by all his friends asking please stop being mean to me.

    Check and mate, libtardians.

  • Oh, here we go again: BLAHS=ANGRY. 'Cause they comin' for to cut you and sleep wit da white wimmens. 'Cause this isn't a sentiment the Repugs have EVER exploited, right?

  • Oh, blow me where the Pampers is.

    • Love that movie. Had me laughing HYSTERICALLY when I first watched that part.

  • glamourdammerung

    What a wimp.

  • Rotundo_

    Having had a fleet of ass kissers planted firmly on his entitled ass for so long, I would imagine it would feel a bit of a chill when the lips were replaced by boots. Tough thing for someone like that, who has been surrounded by yes men and cowtowed to by toadies since birth. Add in magic underwear and believing that your prophet in chief dug up golden plates that revealed all (and that same prophet in chief dictated the holy book not just once, but twice from looking at the inside of his hat) must make one a little tender around the nether regions. Mitt needs to build up some calluses on that thing.

    • sullivanst

      He does entirely come across as the kid who never heard "no" his whole life, until now, doesn't he?

      • TootsStansbury

        I've had more reasonable conversations with my 4 year old Granddaughter.

        • I bet she's heard "No" a lot more than Mittens ever did.

  • bikerlaureate

    Simpering is such an attractive communication style… for the GOP-hawk-gunlovin' Presidential candidate who beat out all the others. Slam-dunk winning strategy.

  • MinAgain

    I'm not sure "Vote for me, I'm a total whiny butt" is a good call on the Romney campaign's part.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Only if he's trying to capture the sympathy vote for prom queen

      • emmelemm

        And after that, it's a bucket of pig's blood, amirite?

        • Sounds to me like you've *seen* this movie before.

  • DeathOfIrony

    you got yer weedlord here, couldn't think of anything better

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Is it too late to pick another Veep candidate? Think about it Mitt. No, really, it won't look like flipflopping. Really.

  • Ayn_Ryan

    "How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."- Some guy from the planet Kolob

  • OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it!

  • Xan

    I'm already in Chicago, where we spit on cute dogs, kick adorable children, and push old ladies in front of buses, _just to watch them die_ so I think I'll give this a pass. Also, fuck you sideways, Mitt, for vilifying my city. What the fuck is that, anyway.

  • His toothpaste logo should be colored Hershey-squirt brown.

  • kittensdontlie

    In the above photo, children are having a laugh attack at poor Mittens expense…expect another line on his petition for that.

  • barto

    Hey, I got a whole list of cities Obama can take his campaign to. Shall I forward it to R-Money?

  • Troglodeity

    If only that guy whose hair Mitt cut off in high school would have thought to create a petition!

    • IonaTrailer


  • How many times did Adolf Hitler sign Romney's petition today?

    • AOTK.

    • I don't know about Adolf, but his brother Weedlord Boner signed all OVER that damn thing.

  • RadioBowels

    Cry Me a Chicago River.

  • comrad_darkness

    Hey, Mitt, if you can't handle one little black president. How are you going to handle Israel trying to start WWIII over Iran. Huh? Huh?

    Bullies are such wusses when someone tougher comes along.

  • IonaTrailer

    Tiny P. Enis signed in!

  • CountryClubJihadi just signed the petition.

    • AutomaticPilot

      Oh, that is awesome!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    This reminds me of You can vote for "Whether Congress should have passed Obamacare?"

    Yes -76%


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I just pushed it to 76.84%

      Had to vote seven times, but that's what they get for not asking for a photo ID.
      I bet we could push it to 80%, before Sessions' flunkies notice and take down the poll.

      • sullivanst

        Now a nice round 77%

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      That things still up? Some IT guy's not doin his jerb.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Or he's laughing up his sleeve every time he checks the numbers.

  • pinkocommi

    Hey, Mittens…. At least Obama hasn't led a group of your friends in holding you down and cutting off your hair while you scream for them to stop. Because that would be a really, really shitty thing for a person who wants to be elected President to do.

  • mr bojangles

    'they put one of ours in the hospital, we put one of theirs in the morgue!' 'that s the chicago way!!'

    if paul r is missing you know where to start looking

    • Jus_Wonderin

      It is probably best that car trunks now have that escape latch on the inside.

  • hagajim

    WAAA WAAA WAAA! Poor li'l Mittens is being bullied by the big blah man. Actually that stupid flag says something correct – America does deserve better than a magic underwear wearing hack.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I am not sure about this, but it really seems as if Mittens thought everybody would just fall all in love with him……..just because he is Mitt Romney.

    • Geminisunmars

      You can be sure.

    • That's exactly it. And just hand him the presidency because it's the natural order of things.

      • sullivanst

        That's how everything else has worked for him his whole life. Why should this be any different?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      When you think you're entitled to a whole fucking planet, it's natural to assume that the White House is yours for the asking.

  • DrunkIrishman



    And I'll happily staple this letter to Ann Romney's face because we all know she's had so much botox done that she wouldn't feel a goddamn thing.

    • Can I Tweet this to @MittRomney his own se'f?

  • I love how the Republicans think insulting cities and the folks who live in them is a winning tactic. It worked so well when Rudy called out the "cosmopolitans" in 2008.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    Stop using our tactics! It hurts! So the Publicans are now the equivalent of creating a paste pill of lye, cleaning out the grease trap, coating the lye with the grease, leaving the noxious amalgam in the freezer, coating it with sprinkles and waving it on a string to enchant the deluded base.

    • PubOption

      "I must say that the first man who threw peas at me was a publican…" William Topaz McGonagall.

  • i'm getting the sense that mittens would be a terrible president.

    but maybe i'm just too sensitive.

  • Baconzgood

    I don't know why they smack talk Chi Town. It is a kick ass city. And as a Cubs fan I gotta say, wait till next year. Next year will be their year.

  • metamarcisf

    I never knew I.P. Daily was such a common name.

  • Wilcoxyz

    This whiny, tiny ballsack is making Palin look presidential in stature.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Divisadero and Haight? That's San Francisco, not Chicago- oh, sorry

  • Baconzgood

    Man these rupublicans are so thin skinned.

  • Wow, their "make phone calls for mitt" doesn't do any verification at all…. Totally dumb as in Bangalore, Indiana 99999 for a location.

  • miss_grundy

    I am very willing to sign a "Keep Hitting Mitt Romney" petition.

    • rickmaci


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Actually, that would be hilarious — imagine Mitt hauling out his petition on national teevee and yammering about how x thousand real 'mericans are all butthurt and whiny about this … and Obama hauls out his petition with 3x thousand telling him to keep hammering away.

      • I had a dream that went something like that, with Mitt and Obama.

        A very… strange dream.

        One that made me question… things.

  • "Go back to Chicago!!" = "Go back to Africa!!"

  • How many licks does it take to get to the center of Mitt's candy ass? Not many!

    • SpeedoFart

      I just threw up in my mouth a little.

      Thanks for the nightmares, Chet.

    • Jerri

      Dear god! One is too many!

  • Caelan Aegana

    The only instinct I have to old white dudes staring that intently with that little smile and using passive-agressive language in mixed-serif fonts is "restraining order."

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Yep, no blocking cookies, so Barry Soetoro just signed up . Also, I checked, Kenyan postal codes are 5 digits so nothing to distinguish them from any in the U.S. as far as I can tell.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I recall a brilliant strategist and politician once saying something along the lines of "Time to put on your Big Boy pants!" to a political opponent. I second that notion today.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Mitt should really think about putting his fainting couch behind closed doors.

  • BlueStateLibel

    I don't think it's possible for me to despise this man-baby any further.

  • RadioBowels

    Mike Hawkstrong is in!

  • So he's against hate now? Sorry Rush.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Claire Voyant just signed.

    And Bea Fuddled has been receiving emails from Ole Crazy Eyes and all her right wing buddies for the past five years or so. That email has been sold more times than a two dollar hooker.

  • James Michael Curley

    He pulls a tweet, you pull a email. He sends one of yours to Facebook, you send one of his to the data base! That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Romney!

  • Tundra Grifter

    A petition is the absolute bottom of the political food chain. Nobody pays the slightest attention to one of these. Particularly when it's signed with more fake names than Ole Newt's Virginia primary nomination.

  • DahBoner

    Look, isn't there someone, someone crooked in the Obama campaign that Mitt can make a "donation" to, to make this whole election thing "go away"?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Tax returns, too. But maybe he's forgotten where those are…

  • Typodong3
  • Pat_Pending
    and HATE
    delivered fresh daily! Tell Mitt Romney "YES", this sets my tail to wagging and gives me a bright-red doggie-boner!
    ROMNEY/RYAN 2012

  • SexySmurf

    In related news: Romney camp cancels Orlando stop scheduled in Florida due to exhaustion.

    Exhaustion? Isn't that Hollywood speak for "coke binge?"

    • Misty Malarky

      Donald Duck's screaming fits make Poor Mittens pee his Magic Underwear.

    • The crying jag had a crying jag.

    • sullivanst

      Jesse Jackson Jr. libel!

    • Generation[redacted]

      He's "intellecutally exhausted."

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's exhausted all his options for improving his poll numbers.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Next step is that he's resigning to "spend more time with his family"

      *Crosses fingers*

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Coke binge. Extended bar crawl. A week of meth use. Terrible movie reviews. Faltering campaign. All the the same thing.

  • rickmaci

    I thought it was 666.

  • Jerri

    Mitt Romney makes Martin Prince look like Nelson Muntz.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mitt wants the whole election to be decided in a quiet room somewhere.

  • DemonicRage

    Too bad that the fellow student at Romney's prep school didn't think of submitting a petition to Mitt and his personal squad of goons, that day he dared to walk around campus with hair so long that it offended THE LITTLE PRINCE.

  • DahBoner

    I hope he buys that weed from Steve Martin before the debates!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    When is Romney going to go to Xanadu or Clodstar or whatever fucking planet he gets to inherit when Morany calls him home?

  • BarryWDC

    Man–Willard is such a sensitive guy. He's really not going to like the new Devo song in honor of Seamus the Dog, "Don't Roof Rack Me Bro." Too funny–check it out at Rolling Stone's site.

  • rickmaci

    Since when did the Republigoons become the party of Kumbaya Kampaigning? Oh yah, since they started to lose this one.

  • Toomush_Infer

    So Willard takes off the silk gloves….good thing he's got the rubber ones underneath…honest to God, more and more, this looks like one of those National Lampoon movies where the jocks are thinskinned and clueless….

  • lumpenprole

    If Obama sends all his division, anger and hate here, can we have a wonkette bar crawl and/or riot?

  • ingloriousbytch

    "complaining about tactics makes you look weak. Like a wimp. Man up.

    The Book of Mormon says to man up. Not the actual book but the Broadway play.

    • sullivanst

      Holy crap. Looks like the LDS is advertising on Book of Mormon youtubes.

      • bobbert

        LDS advertises all over youtube.

        Or maybe it's just me, but I don't know why that would be.

        • sullivanst

          Viewing/search history? Geolocation?

          I hadn't seen it before.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    signed- What A Crybaby 90120

  • badseeds

    Man, I am so glad the fucking shoe is on the other fucking foot for fucking once.

  • Exhausted66

    Ain't no fun when the rabbit's got the gun.

  • a_pink_poodle

    "Take your hateful, anger driven, division politics and send them back to Arabland with all the freedom-hating, Sharia loving terrorist Muslims, welfare sucking Mexicans and Karl Marx loving liberals where they belong!"

  • ttommyunger

    The look on Mitt's face add the last unwritten word to this ad: "Please?"

  • mbobier

    Oh, Mittens — If Barack really DID start going all Chicago on you, you would never survive it.

    • sullivanst

      Isn't that the imagery they hope to conjure?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Romney's site just let me sign his petition ten times! I ran out of dirty names and had to google a few. Mr. Phillip Herass has had his say dagnabbit!

  • VespulaMaculata

    Walnuts has got to be blushing and cringing somewhere in a corner about now; even at 72 and a cancer survivor, he had more stomach for the fight than this pussy.

  • mr bojangles

    Thank you for standing with Mitt. Governor Romney is focused on restoring American greatness and making Barack Obama a one-term President.

    To do this we are going to need your support to help ensure we have the resources necessary to take on Barack Obama and his billion dollar attack machine.

    the chicago way!

  • FraAnima

    Sorry I'm so late to the party. Rich Whineybitch signed up. I can't wait to get me first email.

  • rocktonsam

    ooh cripes sake Mittens you pussy!

    $arah Palin has bigger balls that you do, pussy.

    • sullivanst

      I wonder what the Romney version of James Carville's bizarre comment from '08 would be. I'm gonna guess:

      "Hillary could give Mitt one of her balls and she'd still be twice the man he'd be"

  • mosjef

    Mutt hates hatred. And anger makes him angry. And don't even get him started about division. We need a multi millionaire job raper with a dancing horse and a car elevator to unite us.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Nope…nothing divisive, angry, or hateful about telling someone to go "back to" somewhere, or insulting an entire American city.

  • kingofmeh

    remember seamus! devo to put out single commemmorating our roof-racked canine brother.

    • doloras

      What is the Law? Not to put the dog on the roof rack, that is the Law. Are we not men?!?

  • 12X34X

    Iwanna_ Beemee @

  • 12X34X
    • sullivanst

      You want a vote, don't you?

  • Bumptious

    Why does Mittens hate Chicago?

    • sullivanst

      And why's he dividing the nation from Chicago?

  • lulzmonger

    Willard Romney = CoWAAAAAAAAHHHHnder-In-Chief.

    In these tough times, America needs a hardcore Emo as POTUS … & Boehner is too scared to run.

  • joobajooba

    For "Back to Chicago" read "Back to Africa"

  • ElPinche

    Of course it takes you directly to the donate link. If you donate, you probably become part of some Kolob tax loophole scheme forcing you into some payment plan.

  • This geographical license Republicans have to play their base off of City Folk has always fascinated your Wonkette.
    It's a war on cities.

  • BeefHardcake

    Speaking as a Chicago native, if Obama were really practicing Chicago-style politics, starting tomorrow Mitt Romney would have a new luxury residence.

    In an oil drum buried under the end zone at Soldier Field.

  • I just hope nobody *else* signed it as Weedlord Bonerhitler.

  • BZ1

    oh, h*ll, the Repubs hate lots more cities than just Chicago, let's start with New York, San Francisco, and on and on…

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