THAT SHOULD DO IT  5:05 pm August 15, 2012

Everyone Go Sign Mitt Romney’s ‘Stop Hitting Me’ Petition

by Jim Newell

How inspirationally Churchillian!Mitt Romney has a never-ending list of complaints about things President Obama is not allowed to criticize him on — Medicare, his business career, taxes, things of that nature — but the Obama campaign simply won’t stop. The only way to stop this now is to get the people involved. We must all sign this petition to get our names in the Romney contact database end the hurtful attacks on Mitt Romney during this most important of elections. Will you, reader, “sign [this] petition if you agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago”?

From the new MittRomney.com venture, “America Deserves Better”:

President Obama’s campaign and his surrogates have made wild and reckless accusations that disgrace the office of the Presidency. Another outrageous charge came yesterday in Virginia. And the White House sinks a little bit lower.

This is what an angry and desperate Presidency looks like.

President Obama knows better and promised better; and America deserves better.

Sign the petition if you agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago.

Former Democratic strategist Peter Feld raises a good point in his response to “Mitt Romney” on Twitter: “complaining about tactics makes you look weak. Like a wimp. Man up. And where do you come off maligning a major US city?” Indeed, how do Republicans get away with trashing the third largest city in the United States, constantly? This geographical license Republicans have to play their base off of City Folk has always fascinated your Wonkette. Democrats win like 80%+ of the vote in major cities, but also need to either win or keep margins close in suburbs, small towns, etc. They get no advantage from outright insulting certain demographics. Republicans have ceded the urban vote so sharply that they gain by insulting major metropolitan areas and the people who live in them as craven monsters. See Pfotenhauer, Nancy, for a prime example.

[Mitt Romney]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 362 comments }

Come here a minute August 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Mitt Romney is just practicing Salt Lake City tactics. Run awayyyyyyyyyy!

Serolf_Divad August 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Mitt reminds me of Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke, except if instead of pulling his bloody, beaten, self up to keep throwing futile punches at Dragline during the boxing scene, when everybody around him was begging him to "just say down, for God's sakes," Luke had run away weeping and whimpering at the first punch.

BlueStateLibel August 15, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Our Mitt is the anti-Rocky.

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Or Boston, or Grosse Pointe, or La Jolla, or Kochville, or The Middle of Nowhere.

Caelan Aegana August 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Guess Paul Ryan's Holy Hand Grenade didn't work as planned?

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 9:08 am

I think they counted to five.

Serolf_Divad August 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Also, can I point out that this is a guy who made his fortune buying companies with borrowed money, firing the workers, liquidating their pensions, loading the companies with debt and then paying himself millions of dollars in bonuses?

Chicago politics ain't shit as compared to the cold blooded ruthlessness of Bane Capital gold-lust.

BerkeleyBear August 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Yeah, but he did all that in quiet rooms, where you can't hear the little people insult you. Or suffer, for that matter.

Oh, and you forgot one key component – structuring said deals to make sure as little as possible of the billions in revenue, gains and fees Bain realized were ever subject to taxation anywhere in the world, helping to shred infrastructure and social programs on a global basis.

arihaya August 16, 2012 at 6:36 am

Brave Sir Romney run away, bravely he run away….

Callyson August 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Cutme Abreak, lamewhiner@gop.com, just signed. Thanks for the heads up!

HateMachine August 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Whiner Rmoney, butthurt@gop.com reporting in!

FlownOver August 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Regards from WhinyAss TittyBaby, manup@dickless.edu.

Sparky McGruff August 15, 2012 at 10:31 pm

FYI: Whinyass Pussyfart, suckitup@bite-me.com has your back.

12X34X August 16, 2012 at 2:26 am

Vai Ginal, probe@misogynist.net also reporting in!

MacRaith August 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Wimp Pansy, wimpy@mittromney.com appears to have signed the petition also.

Serolf_Divad August 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

So did: Wailing Baby, wailingbabay@waaah.com

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm
WhatTheHolyHeck August 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

Can'tTakeWhat YouDishOut, crybabymittens86@rnc.biz, roger and out.

Not_So_Much August 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Laceypants Ennui, sandinvagina@gop.com. One million strong!

La_Cieca August 15, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Don B. Apussy, grow@pair.com, reporting for duty.

WordSaladNation August 15, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I.P. Freely, Esq. is in da house!

GunToting[Redacted] August 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Suque-Itupp Butrcupp, pullupyer@biggirlpanties.com reporting for duty!

IonatraIler August 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Dick. Lesswonder signed in from
U_R_@loser.edu

SoBeach August 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Dodger Taxes (gimme@MeMeMe.com) signed.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Callie Waaaambulance, clownshow@gop.com checking in!

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 6:26 pm

dancyhorse@youpeople.com now thinks that Moneybot's wittle hurt feelings are a major campaign issue.

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Cryme Ariver signed in from
bustingmyballs@loser.gov

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Beaux Hugh-Hughes, pityparty@gop.com also signed! I think they're related.

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Suckit Up, I'llgiveyousomethingtocryabout@OBAMA2012.gov

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Finally, some mysterious figure named Anonymous Youpeopledontneedtoknow, illtellyou@fterigetelected.not, also signed.

montreal_bruin August 15, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Budd Fukk and Anna Lingus have performed their civic duty!

My go-to email address is @debbiespenditnow.com, for old time's sake.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Whiny McButthurtt, PoorMe@GOPtards.com, is very upset about Mitt's hurt butt.

rickmaci August 15, 2012 at 6:59 pm

WeenieRomnie@suchabitch.org hoping you won't make me go to Chicago or I will break down in tears.

LionHeartSoyDog August 15, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Limp Weenie @ MomPants.org reporting for dooty.

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 7:24 pm
TootsStansbury August 15, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I don't know how to war blog :sadface: it won't take my Les Fifi Herts@commie.gov. I am disappoint.

Callyson August 15, 2012 at 7:29 pm

My guess–it does not like the word “commie.” Try freeloader.gov, taxevader.gov, or whatareyouhiding.gov.

BlueStateLibel August 15, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Whatruababy@hotmail.com sends best regards.

Boojum August 15, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Hugh Gerection is on board.

BlueIA August 15, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Hugh Jass and Al Coholic signed!

Come here a minute August 15, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Rivercry Peepants totally supports you, Mittens.

Come here a minute August 16, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Rivercry,

Four years ago, President Obama ran on a campaign of "hope and change," promising to be a different kind of politician. Today, however, we bear witness to a campaign based on frustration and division.

With no record to run on, President Obama and the liberal Democrats continue to practice Chicago-style politics, making false accusations that disgrace the Office of the President. President Obama and his allies have gone from implying that Governor Romney is a felon and murderer to saying that Republicans want to put Americans in chains.

Watch this recent video to see how the Obama campaign and the liberal Democrats have gone too far.

It's time for President Obama and the liberal Democrats to take responsibility for the tone and rhetoric coming from their reelection machine.

Please donate $10 or more today to bring civility back to Washington.

Thanks,

Reince Priebus
Chairman, Republican National Committee

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 15, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Mike Hunt, mikehunthurtz@gdoh!p.gov reporting for doodee!

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 9:03 am

They don't do very good email address validation, then.

Grokenstein August 15, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Sobbin Bauler (entitlementboy@onepercentofnuthin.com) signed but did not care to donate.

paulabflat August 16, 2012 at 8:57 am

pittypat pantsload, whinewhinewhine@whiners.com.

and they BOUGHT it. thanked me for it.

now for a bowl of tasty, heart healthy cheerios. with banana.

MozakiBlocks August 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

Ima Whiner, weaktitty.msn also

tbogg August 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

By midnight there will be at least 30,000 Weedlord Bonerhitler's who have signed up.

ChillBill August 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Make that 30,001.

Pat_Pending August 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Heywood J. Blowme, here!

badseeds August 15, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Better to say Heywood Jablome. It takes them longer to figure out.

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Hi there. Hugh Jorgan, pleased to meet you.

billy_reuben August 15, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Mike Oxlong is just livid about this issue.

CthuNHu August 16, 2012 at 10:20 am

Tonsor Involuntaria, noapology@gmail.com 48304

Behind you all the way, sir. With a shiv. Of votes.

MittBorg August 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Well, shit.

DaSandman August 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

But I want to see the mean scary black man make the Latter Day Saint cry tears of molten gold.

Please?

miss_grundy August 15, 2012 at 6:13 pm

And I want to see it live on television with instant replay.

paulabflat August 16, 2012 at 8:58 am

it's why TIVO was INVENNNNNNNNNTED!!

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Do robots not cry human tears?

rmjagg August 15, 2012 at 6:32 pm

the tears won't be molten gold , although yellow in color .

BerkeleyBear August 15, 2012 at 8:35 pm

They won't even be tears, but might have a scent of asparagus depending on what Romney ingested.

CthuNHu August 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

Maybe if he pays the scary black man $20, he can convince him not to hurt him. Convince him in a special way.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I smell a trap. It's illegal to co-ordinate with a super PAC.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 15, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Well then I guess it's a good thing that suckmyballz@aol.com is not a real email address.

As far as I know.

CthuNHu August 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

Todd Palin's inbox may be a little bit fuller today.

deanbooth August 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

It's easier to run a campaign "out in the middle of nowhere."

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

And I'm hoping they will continue to run it into the "middle of nowhere."

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 6:00 pm

"Hey, where ya going? You've got a shovel? Whatcha digging? You'r digging a grave. Is it a personal grave or a business grave? Need some help with that Whoa, we sure are a long way from Chicago."

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 6:58 pm

"Sure are a lot of trees out here – and they're all the right height."

fartknocker August 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Mitt is a pussy.

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 8:34 pm

No, he's not.

I like pussy.

Zepster August 15, 2012 at 10:05 pm

You are what you eat.

no_gravity August 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Romney wouldn't last 5 minutes in Chicago before he found his custom made, Italian leather shoes tied in a neat bun on the top of his Easter Island head.

Maman August 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Dear Mittens. If you can stand the heat, stay out of the White House!

Serolf_Divad August 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Looks like Mitt Romney brought a box of hankies to a knife fight.

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Tee hee!

emmelemm August 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Good one!

OneYieldRegular August 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Well, John Boehner's going to be there, so…

ibwilliamsi August 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Do you suppose he cries orange tears?

glasspusher August 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm

…better to bring a crate of hankies?

Mittens Howell, III August 15, 2012 at 6:32 pm

It's Mitt's time, to cry.

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:54 am

"I've told lies you people wouldn't believe"

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 7:01 pm

And threw the whole box at the knife.

rickmaci August 15, 2012 at 7:06 pm

All Twitt Phoney wanted was a chance to redecorate the Oval Office, not all this slapping and hitting.

Come here a minute August 15, 2012 at 7:52 pm

The Swiss Army Knife of linens — good for wiping one's tears or waving in surrender. Can even serve as a diaper, in a pinch.

deanbooth August 15, 2012 at 10:18 pm

It's my (political) party, and I'll cry if I want to!

MonkeyMotion August 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Why doesn't Mittens just tell his mommy?

Serolf_Divad August 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm

He did, but she told him to "be a Man for once in your life, for God's sakes!" and sent him right back out to the playground.

Exhausted66 August 15, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I think you mean mommies.

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:38 am

He's afraid she'll ask for her jeans back.

elviouslyqueer August 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

complaining about tactics makes you look weak. Like a wimp. Man up.

Oooooh gurl! He went right there.

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Snap!!

Nostrildamus August 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

We must all sign this petition to get our names in the Romney contact database

Actually a good move. They'll cross check against that list when they're purging registered voters in FL, PA, OH, etc. to make sure they don't remove any real Americans.

SorosBot August 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

"President Obama’s campaign and his surrogates have made wild and reckless accusations"

How are fair and accurate statements about Romney's actual actions and policies "wild and reckless accusations"?

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

They've been uttered outside of quiet rooms.

OneYieldRegular August 15, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Not to mention that after four years of what the Republicans have thrown at Barack Obama, complaining about being treated unfairly resonates with about the same degree of absurdity (and unhinged-ness) as trying to fill an oil tanker by pissing in it.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Telling the truth about the GOP is wild and reckless. What's so hard to understand about that?

LastGasp August 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago.

Signed, Stoney McBongHitler

[Edit] Oh this is rich — "Between now and the start of the Republican National Convention on August 27, you can earn new Romney-Ryan gear while contacting voters on behalf of Mitt and Paul." http://www.mittromney.com/call-home-landing

Sign me up!

Generation[redacted] August 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

"Hello, I'm calling on behalf of Mitt Romney. Did you know there's a black man in the white house?"

smokefilledroommate August 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I'd tell them all to vote for Obama.

FlownOver August 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Tempting. Very tempting.

"Governor Romney would like to know if you have Medicare in a can."

"The Romney-Ryan team wants to know if your Social Security is running."

"Congratulations, sir/ma'am. You've been selected at random by the Mitt Romney campaign to receive a free four-year-long colonoscopy, paid for by Koch Industries."

T3rbo August 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

oh wow, that is tempting. Hello, senior citizen-won't you help Mitt Romney destroy Medicare, Medicaid, nutrition assistance, and education?

Barrelhse August 15, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I want a sweater-vest!

GeorgiaBurning August 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Is the Romney-Ryan gear made in China? Vietnam?

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Utah maybe?

GeorgiaBurning August 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm

only the special underwear

HistoriCat August 16, 2012 at 10:09 am

Forget where it's made – what's Bain's connection to the manufacturer? Romney is going to make a profit from this campaign no matter what it takes.

OneYieldRegular August 15, 2012 at 6:19 pm

1,500 calls for a mere t-shirt? Unless it's Ann Romney's very own fishbird t-shirt, that is one hell of an austerity program.

Serolf_Divad August 15, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Yeah, but if you make a million calls you get your own Swiss bank account.

schvitzatura August 16, 2012 at 6:48 am

For a billion calls, your own afterlife personal pleasuredome planet?

starfanglednut August 15, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Do they have pepper spray?

ibwilliamsi August 15, 2012 at 6:26 pm

On a more serious note, you could all join me in working for the Obama campaign. We've been making "coersion calls". It's fun. I loved the little old toothless woman who told me that she didn't know who she was voting for, and thought that they should legalize street drugs. I was able to tell her that I sincerely believed that Mitt Romney would not be doing that.

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I'm thinking the toothless lady may have been a Ron Paul supporter.

ibwilliamsi August 15, 2012 at 9:45 pm

True dat….

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Shorter Romney campaign:

"Telling the truth about what I plan on doing as president is divisive, mean, and hateful!"

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm

"Especially since I have no clue what to do if I'm elected."

CthuNHu August 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

"You certainly don't see me doing that!"

OldWhiteLies August 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Oh Geebuzz Eaytch Fucking Crackerjacks.

HOW did this fucker ever make it out of gradeschool without being permanently tagged Mr Whineybaby? Oh wait, cause the Rmoney butlers, drivers and nannies went around handing out cash, bribing every kid who uttered such blasphemies to STFU. Otherwise

no_gravity August 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I think he made it through with a scissors in his pocket at the ready.

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Probably those small, plastic safety scissors in case, you know, he might his wittle fingies.

Barrelhse August 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Spin and Marty.

BarryWDC August 15, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Plus, don't ferget that Willard led the school year posse while in prep school whereby him and his bubbas held down guys thought to be gay and cut their hair. I guess he forgot how to be a bully and turned to whining.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Bullies usually bawl their eyes out when someone fights back.

BoroPrimorac August 15, 2012 at 9:54 pm

The bullied kids in public school could've been bullies in Mitt's pansy ass prep school.

Blueb4sinrise August 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Soar Balz @rnc

arihaya August 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

If we give our contact to Obama's campaign we may be invited to have a beer or two.

But what will we get from Mitt? A pack of Jello?

calliecallie August 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Or a cup of the kool-aid.

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Don't they make Jello from gelatin from horse bones? Uh oh.

GunToting[Redacted] August 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Rafalca libel!

Seriously, though… When IS the last time anybody saw Rafalca?

Pragmatist2 August 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

And Romney should take his campaign of hatred and division back to LaJolla, Belmont, Wolfesboro,Park City etc.

MacRaith August 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

That's his solution? A freaking petition? I thought Republicans were supposed to be tough guys, but take away their "Second Amendment remedies" (because the Secret Service will pay you a visit if you say that kind of thing about the President), and they're just a bunch of petition-signing wimps.

OneYieldRegular August 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm

And dirty hippies, too.

TavariousChinaSmith August 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

This geographical license Republicans have to play their base off of City Folk has always fascinated your Wonkette.

Isn't "urban" a dogwhistle word for "blah"?

HateMachine August 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

I'm all in favor of this. It really hurts my feelings when someone says a thing about me, or uses metaphors, or repeats a thing I have said, so I completely understand where Mitt is coming from.

Also, I bruise rather badly upon most physical contact, which is why I have been suspended in a warm nutrient jelly since birth. Mitt Romney's my idol, because he's so tough! I mean, by comparison.

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"warm nutrient jelly"
I don't suppose that is a smear for my bagel?

HateMachine August 15, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I wouldn't, because I know exactly where it's been.

(DISCLAIMER: this account of the internet Hate Machine's life has been slightly [read: completely] fictionalized)

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Did you get a backpack implanted zim style?

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Organic warm nutrient jelly or GTFO!

sharethegrief August 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

These complaints are made by a man who called the shots from the 30th floor in a boardroom behind closed doors. All he knows to do is slap Obama with one of his silk gloves. Welcome to the real fucking world, Mittens.

SayItWithWookies August 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Rich Whiner heartily approves and can't wait until Mitt gets the kind of friendly campaign that he carried out against Newt, Michele, Rick and that pizza-blowjobby guy.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Seriously, the level of entitlement this man has is not only viewable from orbit, but in fact knocks satellites out of orbit and will one day send Neptune crashing into the sun.

MissTaken August 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Mitt is really showing us the giant pair of balls he will carry around when dealing with Kim Jung Un and Ahmadinejad. Assad is shaking in his Syrian boots right now.

SorosBot August 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Just imagine how he will defend the Untied States by talking with mean anti-American foreign leaders, and promptly pissing himself.

Generation[redacted] August 15, 2012 at 5:35 pm

"Sign this petition if you think Kim Jung Un should stop raining missiles down on Seoul."

nmmagyar August 15, 2012 at 6:42 pm

This approach is better than "Forward this message to 10 friends if you want china to stop invading California". See, Mittens IS strong on foreign policy.

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

This is okay because Magic Underwear act like Depends when the need arises..

emmelemm August 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Untied States: Typo, or best play on words ever?

glasspusher August 15, 2012 at 8:08 pm

He doesn't want to get into a confrontatory position- either with the United Snakes, or, with them

miss_grundy August 15, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I guess the government will have to pay a lot of money to a contractor to keep him in Depends men's underwear.

LetUsBray August 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Willard's foreign policy will likely also lose some international prestige after Vladimir Putin nails his shriveled little balls to his forehead on live TV.

miss_grundy August 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm

And the British P.M. calls him a wanker or a tosser and M.I. 6 looks at him rather meanly.

MosesInvests August 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm

"When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled, brave, brave, brave Sir Mittens…."

elviouslyqueer August 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Anna Leakij from paulryansbuttplug@ouchie.org. Signed, locked, and loaded. USA USA USA, also, too.

rmjagg August 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm

romney is all too familiar with annaleakij

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Comments like that are why I love this site …

SorosBot August 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I've seen tons of Romney ads online recently, including here on Wonkette and on other places which are not likely to have many people inclined to vote for him, including while watching The Daily Show on Hulu and Maddow on nbc.com; they are mostly both whiny and filled with lies, with the latest being angry that Obama would dare point out that Mitt and Paul's plan to destroy Medicare would destroy Medicare.

It's all just just constant whining that Obama would dare say mean truthful things about him.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

And to think, the whining is only going to get more intense as the election nears and it becomes more and more clear that Romney is going to lose, and lose big, in part because he's such a fucking whiney whiner, and also because he wants to destroy Medicare, and also because he's a compulsive liar. But mostly the whiney whining all the whiney time.

Whining does not win votes.

T3rbo August 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Friends:
Please sign my petition to bring John Kerry style politics back into our electoral process. In the past, Democrats would gently, and quietly, respond politely to ad hominem attacks against their character and families, which would allow republicans to throw out outrageous lies and trick ignorant hillbillies. But this noble tradition, ruined by this secret muslim kenyan socialist blah, has been discarded.
And now, the blah guy is trying his Chicago-Style politics in this election, politics that involve mean, but true, words that the press pays attention to. Won't you help me stop this, real american, by signing my petition?

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I don't have to send money — Do I?

T3rbo August 15, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Yes, my friend, you do. Do you think gold teeth for a dancing horse just appear out of thin air?

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

OK, I want a bumper sticker that says: Romney Cares!

T3rbo August 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

We only have ones that say "Destroy Medicare With Romney/Ryan 2012"

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 6:42 pm

They're not exactly advertising romneycare these days.

miss_grundy August 15, 2012 at 6:26 pm

No!!!!!!!!!!!! My kind of town Chicago is……….

spareme August 15, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Well Obama needs to try harder – right now, Mittens is less than a mile away from my home, sucking a bunch of money out of a bunch of riches. $25,000 gets you dinner with Mittens, and a grand gets you into the show to eyeball him. I'm hoping they all fall down Red Mountain. Chicago is my hometown, I should go over there and put down a grand just so I can tell him to fuck off, Chicago style.

Billmatic August 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

ME NO MITT ROMNEY HIM OBAMA IS MEAN. HIM OBAMA ALWAYS TO MAKE YELLING AND DIVISING! ME NO MITT ROMNEY! ME BELIEVE IN UNITY AND TOGETHERNESS!

Baconzgood August 15, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I don't know why. But I feel this is the comment of the day.

Oblios_Cap August 16, 2012 at 7:50 am

Bizarro Billmatic?

Billmatic August 16, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I figured sticking with this Bizzaro joke would eventually pay off because seriously what the hell.

Ayn_Ryan August 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

tu quoque, Mittens, tu quoque.

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Is that Latin for "Mitt Romney, you're a dick"? Because it should be…

OneYieldRegular August 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Why won't Mitt Romney stop this war of divisiveness and give us all home car elevators?

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Two in every garage!

starfanglednut August 15, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Or homes.

el_donaldo August 15, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I won't stop tantruming until I have a dancing pony of my very own.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 7:30 pm

But I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant one!!!!!!

smokefilledroommate August 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

It's politics, not fucking Boy Scouts.

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

With all these excessive regulations on sex offenders, fucking Boy Scouts is not the picnic it used to be…

Generation[redacted] August 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I believe this sort of maneuver would get your ass kicked in the Boy Scouts.

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I believe this sort of maneuver would get your ass kickedstabbed repeatedly and then dumped in the woods in the Boy Scouts.

Fixed for Swiss Army-ness and Do My Bestitude.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Well, Ryan IS Catholic.

bureaucrap August 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I'll also sign a petition to get a nuclear waste dump located underneath the Mormon Tabernacle.

rmjagg August 15, 2012 at 6:41 pm

that would disrupt the crypt orgies around the wax figures of the dead ones baptized after death and against their wishes , including romney's father-in-law …

SexySmurf August 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Now we know why Mittens loves vaginas so much: He is one.

Steverino247 August 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Well, to be fair, I rather enjoy vaginas, too. And when I'm visiting, I try to stay there as long as I can without wearing out either my welcome or the vagina.

ColHeightsChic August 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Please do not insult vaginas like that. My vagina can take a bruising without running home to mama to cry.

Self-Uploader August 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

That is an insult to vagina everywhere.

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Well, you can't hate a man for liking to eat papaya, now can you.

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 6:28 pm

My God, Ann Romney's face is wider than a Jack Kirby drawing of Sue Storm from a 1968 issue of The Fantastic Four!

Mittens Howell, III August 15, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Wooden vagina.

*shudder*

miss_grundy August 15, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Thanks for this story! Mittens es una papaya, pero también es un payaso comemierda.

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

When you're Mr. Fantastic, they always fit! Mitt and Ann thank you for your support: http://www.artofjohnbyrne.com/gallery/cache/sketc

Extemporanus August 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

RULES FOR CAMPAIGNING RADICALS

1. No slurs on Republicans or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled, not just Republicans). This is well-established, assholes.
2. No wishing or ideating on political threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinevoting’ or hoping for their defeat in any other sense than that you hope they lose lonely and alone).
3. Try not to be totally Liberal.
4. If you wanna be disgusting Demonrats and talk about sulkfucking your opponents, then your GOP nominee, as a One Percenter robo-king in the land of the Ninety-Nine, will not not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing chains on someone. Maybe think about that?

not that Dewey August 15, 2012 at 5:35 pm

This comment has been deleted by the administrator.

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

This comment is intended to say WIN for Extemporanus.

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Skullfucking and assault rifles are OK then?

Extemporanus August 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Yes, though not necessarily in that order.

SpeedoFart August 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Upfist for "sulkfucking"!

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Is "sulkfucking" like "scowlfucking"? And are the both similar to "hatefucking"?

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

Extemporanus August 15, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Chichikovovich August 15, 2012 at 8:00 pm

What Chet said.

Extemporanus August 15, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Maybe I'm misinterpreting what Chet said — and your subsequent seconding — but, to be clear…

I WAS SIMULTANEOUSLY SATIRIZING REPUBLICANS & REBECCA.

Poorly? Perhaps. But sincerely? C'mon…

not that Dewey August 15, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Gentlemen, you can't satirize in here! This is the poop-joke room!

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Did anyone else misread the petition request as: "Sign the petition if you agree President Obama should take his campaign of division and anger and hate black to Chicago"?

rickmaci August 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I'm looking at that picture and wondering how much the watch Bitch Romoney is wearing is worth.

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Well, if you can get the cooties off of it, it might be worth something?

RRoccoco August 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I'd call Mitt a pussy, but that wouldn't be fair to my two nuetered cats who have more balls than this pampered plutocratic poseur.

paulf40 August 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Is there a "Mitt, wash the sand out of your mangina" box we can check? (sorry if that was sexist)

Iam_Who_Iam August 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

"should take his campaign of division and anger and hate back to Chicago."

Um, am I the only one who finds this a bit confusing because Obama's campaign is based in Chicago? I mean, um, it's there already, right? So we don't really need to take it back there, unless someone took it, did someone take it while I wasn't looking?

mavenmaven August 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Romney is clearly commander-in-chief material.

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Or materiel.

smokefilledroommate August 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Brave Sir Mittens
He bravely ran away

CthuNHu August 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

I recall Churchill, during the darkest hours of the Blitz, rallying the British people by calling upon them to sign a petition pleading for Hitler to take his division, anger and hate back to Berlin. And Churchill and Britain triumphed.

Mitt is just a modern-day Churchill, fighting against a far worse enemy.

MissTaken August 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Kum bay ya, Mittens, kum bay ya;
Kum bay ya, Mittens, kum bay ya;
Kum bay ya, Mittens, kum bay ya,
O Mittens, you're a fucking wimp.

pdiddycornchips August 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Hey Mitt, you should put Barry in a headlock and give him a haircut during the debates.
Oh, he may not be as feeble and weak as the last guy you tried that on so be prepared to get the shit kicked out of you this time.

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Especially when Seal Team 6 arrives.

rmjagg August 15, 2012 at 6:45 pm

if the last guy was so feeble and weak , why did romney need so much help , including the school wrestling champ ? always wondered what romney was so fearful of

coolhandnuke August 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

So your brother's bound and gagged
And they've chained him to a chair
Won't you please come to chicago just to sing
In a land that's known as freedom how can such a thing be fair
won't you please come to chicago for the help that we can bring

We can change the world rearrange the world
It's dying – to get better

Politicians sit yourselves down, there's nothing for you here
won't you please come to chicago for a ride
don't ask jack to help you `cause he'll turn the other ear
won't you please come to chicago or else join the other side

We can change the world rearrange the world
it's dying – if you believe in justice
dying – and if you believe in freedom

Tangled sin tax August 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I bought that record right after I got done with Vietnam and played it for my mom one day. She was appalled at all the lawless hippies. Also expressed great satisfaction at the deaths of Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin.

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Now there is a nice little nostalgic ditty.

ManchuCandidate August 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

What Mittens needs is a good Atomic Wedgie.

Fucking wiener. He's upset when the "Other" fucked up his entire campaign strategerizee and made him look like an idiot (although that would have happened anyway.)

Generation[redacted] August 15, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I'm looking forward to the first debate, when Mittens prefaces his opening argument by handing Obama this petition, signed by all his friends asking please stop being mean to me.

Check and mate, libtardians.

Hammiepants August 15, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Oh, here we go again: BLAHS=ANGRY. 'Cause they comin' for to cut you and sleep wit da white wimmens. 'Cause this isn't a sentiment the Repugs have EVER exploited, right?

smokefilledroommate August 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Oh, blow me where the Pampers is.

Designer_Rants August 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Love that movie. Had me laughing HYSTERICALLY when I first watched that part.

glamourdammerung August 15, 2012 at 5:36 pm

What a wimp.

Rotundo_ August 15, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Having had a fleet of ass kissers planted firmly on his entitled ass for so long, I would imagine it would feel a bit of a chill when the lips were replaced by boots. Tough thing for someone like that, who has been surrounded by yes men and cowtowed to by toadies since birth. Add in magic underwear and believing that your prophet in chief dug up golden plates that revealed all (and that same prophet in chief dictated the holy book not just once, but twice from looking at the inside of his hat) must make one a little tender around the nether regions. Mitt needs to build up some calluses on that thing.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 6:56 pm

He does entirely come across as the kid who never heard "no" his whole life, until now, doesn't he?

TootsStansbury August 15, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I've had more reasonable conversations with my 4 year old Granddaughter.

MittBorg August 16, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I bet she's heard "No" a lot more than Mittens ever did.

bikerlaureate August 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Simpering is such an attractive communication style… for the GOP-hawk-gunlovin' Presidential candidate who beat out all the others. Slam-dunk winning strategy.

MinAgain August 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I'm not sure "Vote for me, I'm a total whiny butt" is a good call on the Romney campaign's part.

GeorgiaBurning August 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Only if he's trying to capture the sympathy vote for prom queen

emmelemm August 15, 2012 at 7:07 pm

And after that, it's a bucket of pig's blood, amirite?

MittBorg August 16, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Sounds to me like you've *seen* this movie before.

DeathOfIrony August 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

you got yer weedlord here, couldn't think of anything better

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Is it too late to pick another Veep candidate? Think about it Mitt. No, really, it won't look like flipflopping. Really.

Ayn_Ryan August 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."- Some guy from the planet Kolob

FlownOver August 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm

OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it! OW! Quit it!

Xan August 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I'm already in Chicago, where we spit on cute dogs, kick adorable children, and push old ladies in front of buses, _just to watch them die_ so I think I'll give this a pass. Also, fuck you sideways, Mitt, for vilifying my city. What the fuck is that, anyway.

smokefilledroommate August 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm

His toothpaste logo should be colored Hershey-squirt brown.

outragedcitizen August 16, 2012 at 9:58 am

Wait, I thought Santorum quit the race!

kittensdontlie August 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

In the above photo, children are having a laugh attack at poor Mittens expense…expect another line on his petition for that.

barto August 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Hey, I got a whole list of cities Obama can take his campaign to. Shall I forward it to R-Money?

Troglodeity August 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

If only that guy whose hair Mitt cut off in high school would have thought to create a petition!

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Sweet!

johnnyzhivago August 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

How many times did Adolf Hitler sign Romney's petition today?

starfanglednut August 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm

AOTK.

MittBorg August 16, 2012 at 7:29 pm

I don't know about Adolf, but his brother Weedlord Boner signed all OVER that damn thing.

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Cry Me a Chicago River.

comrad_darkness August 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Hey, Mitt, if you can't handle one little black president. How are you going to handle Israel trying to start WWIII over Iran. Huh? Huh?

Bullies are such wusses when someone tougher comes along.

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Tiny P. Enis growsomeballs@dickhead.com signed in!

CountryClubJihadi August 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm

KissmaAhz@Holysite.com just signed the petition.

AutomaticPilot August 15, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Oh, that is awesome!

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

This reminds me of PeteSessions.com. You can vote for "Whether Congress should have passed Obamacare?"

Yes -76%
No-26%

LOL

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I just pushed it to 76.84%

Had to vote seven times, but that's what they get for not asking for a photo ID.
I bet we could push it to 80%, before Sessions' flunkies notice and take down the poll.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Now a nice round 77%

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 9:14 pm

.01

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 15, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Couldn't help myself. .02

MittBorg August 16, 2012 at 7:33 pm

77.11%. I like the symmetry.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 15, 2012 at 9:25 pm

That things still up? Some IT guy's not doin his jerb.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Or he's laughing up his sleeve every time he checks the numbers.

pinkocommi August 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Hey, Mittens…. At least Obama hasn't led a group of your friends in holding you down and cutting off your hair while you scream for them to stop. Because that would be a really, really shitty thing for a person who wants to be elected President to do.

mr bojangles August 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

'they put one of ours in the hospital, we put one of theirs in the morgue!' 'that s the chicago way!!'

if paul r is missing you know where to start looking

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

It is probably best that car trunks now have that escape latch on the inside.

hagajim August 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

WAAA WAAA WAAA! Poor li'l Mittens is being bullied by the big blah man. Actually that stupid flag says something correct – America does deserve better than a magic underwear wearing hack.

Jus_Wonderin August 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I am not sure about this, but it really seems as if Mittens thought everybody would just fall all in love with him……..just because he is Mitt Romney.

Geminisunmars August 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

You can be sure.

starfanglednut August 15, 2012 at 6:35 pm

That's exactly it. And just hand him the presidency because it's the natural order of things.

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:40 am

That's how everything else has worked for him his whole life. Why should this be any different?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 8:02 pm

When you think you're entitled to a whole fucking planet, it's natural to assume that the White House is yours for the asking.

DrunkIrishman August 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

DrunkIrishman's petition to Mitt Romney: MAN THE FUCK UP YOU MORMON PANSY! YOU'RE NOT RUNNING FOR GODDAMN BISHOP HERE! YOU'RE RUNNING TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED FUCKING STATES OF THE WORLD AND IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE A BIT OF A BRUISING CAMPAIGN FROM OBAMA, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO CUT IT WHEN DEALING WITH OUR ENEMIES?

STOP BEING A PUSSY.

And I'll happily staple this letter to Ann Romney's face because we all know she's had so much botox done that she wouldn't feel a goddamn thing.

MittBorg August 16, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Can I Tweet this to @MittRomney his own se'f?

Self-Uploader August 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I love how the Republicans think insulting cities and the folks who live in them is a winning tactic. It worked so well when Rudy called out the "cosmopolitans" in 2008.

SigDeFlyinMonky August 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Stop using our tactics! It hurts! So the Publicans are now the equivalent of creating a paste pill of lye, cleaning out the grease trap, coating the lye with the grease, leaving the noxious amalgam in the freezer, coating it with sprinkles and waving it on a string to enchant the deluded base.

PubOption August 15, 2012 at 7:49 pm

"I must say that the first man who threw peas at me was a publican…" William Topaz McGonagall.

fuflans August 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

i'm getting the sense that mittens would be a terrible president.

but maybe i'm just too sensitive.

Baconzgood August 15, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I don't know why they smack talk Chi Town. It is a kick ass city. And as a Cubs fan I gotta say, wait till next year. Next year will be their year.

not that Dewey August 15, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Me, too. I dare Mitt to go to Chicago and say that.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/chicago-cubs-can

Biel_ze_Bubba August 16, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Red Sox fans look forward to playing the Cubs in the Series. Next season.

metamarcisf August 15, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I never knew I.P. Daily was such a common name.

Wilcoxyz August 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

This whiny, tiny ballsack is making Palin look presidential in stature.

GeorgiaBurning August 15, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Divisadero and Haight? That's San Francisco, not Chicago- oh, sorry

Baconzgood August 15, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Man these rupublicans are so thin skinned.

johnnyzhivago August 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Wow, their "make phone calls for mitt" doesn't do any verification at all…. Totally dumb as in Bangalore, Indiana 99999 for a location.

miss_grundy August 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I am very willing to sign a "Keep Hitting Mitt Romney" petition.

rickmaci August 15, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Whack-a-Mittmole?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Actually, that would be hilarious — imagine Mitt hauling out his petition on national teevee and yammering about how x thousand real 'mericans are all butthurt and whiny about this … and Obama hauls out his petition with 3x thousand telling him to keep hammering away.

Incitefully_Joe August 15, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I had a dream that went something like that, with Mitt and Obama.

A very… strange dream.

One that made me question… things.

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 6:13 pm

"Go back to Chicago!!" = "Go back to Africa!!"

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 6:15 pm

How many licks does it take to get to the center of Mitt's candy ass? Not many!

SpeedoFart August 15, 2012 at 6:32 pm

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Thanks for the nightmares, Chet.

Jerri August 15, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Dear god! One is too many!

Caelan Aegana August 15, 2012 at 6:18 pm

The only instinct I have to old white dudes staring that intently with that little smile and using passive-agressive language in mixed-serif fonts is "restraining order."

Blueb4sinrise August 15, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Yep, no blocking cookies, so Barry Soetoro just signed up . Also, I checked, Kenyan postal codes are 5 digits so nothing to distinguish them from any in the U.S. as far as I can tell.

anniegetyerfun August 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I recall a brilliant strategist and politician once saying something along the lines of "Time to put on your Big Boy pants!" to a political opponent. I second that notion today.

Mittens Howell, III August 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Mitt should really think about putting his fainting couch behind closed doors.

BlueStateLibel August 15, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I don't think it's possible for me to despise this man-baby any further.

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Mike Hawkstrong is in!

iburl August 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

So he's against hate now? Sorry Rush.

Tundra Grifter August 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Claire Voyant just signed.

And Bea Fuddled has been receiving emails from Ole Crazy Eyes and all her right wing buddies for the past five years or so. That email has been sold more times than a two dollar hooker.

James Michael Curley August 15, 2012 at 6:29 pm

He pulls a tweet, you pull a email. He sends one of yours to Facebook, you send one of his to the data base! That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Romney!

Tundra Grifter August 15, 2012 at 6:29 pm

A petition is the absolute bottom of the political food chain. Nobody pays the slightest attention to one of these. Particularly when it's signed with more fake names than Ole Newt's Virginia primary nomination.

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Look, isn't there someone, someone crooked in the Obama campaign that Mitt can make a "donation" to, to make this whole election thing "go away"?

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Tax returns, too. But maybe he's forgotten where those are…

Typodong3 August 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm
Pat_Pending August 15, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 6:49 pm

DIVISION
ANGER
and HATE
delivered fresh daily! Tell Mitt Romney "YES", this sets my tail to wagging and gives me a bright-red doggie-boner!
—–
ROMNEY/RYAN 2012

SexySmurf August 15, 2012 at 6:54 pm

In related news: Romney camp cancels Orlando stop scheduled in Florida due to exhaustion.

Exhaustion? Isn't that Hollywood speak for "coke binge?"

Misty Malarky August 15, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Donald Duck's screaming fits make Poor Mittens pee his Magic Underwear.

Chet Kincaid_ August 15, 2012 at 7:36 pm

The crying jag had a crying jag.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Jesse Jackson Jr. libel!

Generation[redacted] August 15, 2012 at 7:40 pm

He's "intellecutally exhausted."

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 8:09 pm

He's exhausted all his options for improving his poll numbers.

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Next step is that he's resigning to "spend more time with his family"

*Crosses fingers*

Butch_Wagstaff August 15, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Coke binge. Extended bar crawl. A week of meth use. Terrible movie reviews. Faltering campaign. All the the same thing.

rickmaci August 15, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I thought it was 666.

Jerri August 15, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Mitt Romney makes Martin Prince look like Nelson Muntz.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 15, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Mitt wants the whole election to be decided in a quiet room somewhere.

DemonicRage August 15, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Too bad that the fellow student at Romney's prep school didn't think of submitting a petition to Mitt and his personal squad of goons, that day he dared to walk around campus with hair so long that it offended THE LITTLE PRINCE.

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I hope he buys that weed from Steve Martin before the debates!

Dashboard Buddha August 15, 2012 at 7:08 pm

When is Romney going to go to Xanadu or Clodstar or whatever fucking planet he gets to inherit when Morany calls him home?

BarryWDC August 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Man–Willard is such a sensitive guy. He's really not going to like the new Devo song in honor of Seamus the Dog, "Don't Roof Rack Me Bro." Too funny–check it out at Rolling Stone's site.

rickmaci August 15, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Since when did the Republigoons become the party of Kumbaya Kampaigning? Oh yah, since they started to lose this one.

Toomush_Infer August 15, 2012 at 7:20 pm

So Willard takes off the silk gloves….good thing he's got the rubber ones underneath…honest to God, more and more, this looks like one of those National Lampoon movies where the jocks are thinskinned and clueless….

lumpenprole August 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm

If Obama sends all his division, anger and hate here, can we have a wonkette bar crawl and/or riot?

ingloriousbytch August 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm

"complaining about tactics makes you look weak. Like a wimp. Man up.

The Book of Mormon says to man up. Not the actual book but the Broadway play.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1n_1jmKpu4

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Holy crap. Looks like the LDS is advertising on Book of Mormon youtubes.

bobbert August 16, 2012 at 1:35 am

LDS advertises all over youtube.

Or maybe it's just me, but I don't know why that would be.

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:57 am

Viewing/search history? Geolocation?

I hadn't seen it before.

zippy_w_pinhead August 15, 2012 at 7:25 pm

signed- What A Crybaby mittsacrybaby@hypocrite.com 90120

badseeds August 15, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Man, I am so glad the fucking shoe is on the other fucking foot for fucking once.

Exhausted66 August 15, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Ain't no fun when the rabbit's got the gun.

a_pink_poodle August 15, 2012 at 8:29 pm

"Take your hateful, anger driven, division politics and send them back to Arabland with all the freedom-hating, Sharia loving terrorist Muslims, welfare sucking Mexicans and Karl Marx loving liberals where they belong!"

ttommyunger August 15, 2012 at 8:51 pm

The look on Mitt's face add the last unwritten word to this ad: "Please?"

mbobier August 15, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Oh, Mittens — If Barack really DID start going all Chicago on you, you would never survive it.

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:44 am

Isn't that the imagery they hope to conjure?

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 15, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Romney's site just let me sign his petition ten times! I ran out of dirty names and had to google a few. Mr. Phillip Herass has had his say dagnabbit!

VespulaMaculata August 15, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Walnuts has got to be blushing and cringing somewhere in a corner about now; even at 72 and a cancer survivor, he had more stomach for the fight than this pussy.

mr bojangles August 15, 2012 at 9:33 pm

wtf
Thank you for standing with Mitt. Governor Romney is focused on restoring American greatness and making Barack Obama a one-term President.

To do this we are going to need your support to help ensure we have the resources necessary to take on Barack Obama and his billion dollar attack machine.

the chicago way!

FraAnima August 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Sorry I'm so late to the party. Rich Whineybitch crybaby@hypocrite.gop signed up. I can't wait to get me first email.

rocktonsam August 15, 2012 at 9:56 pm

ooh cripes sake Mittens you pussy!

$arah Palin has bigger balls that you do, pussy.

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:48 am

I wonder what the Romney version of James Carville's bizarre comment from '08 would be. I'm gonna guess:

"Hillary could give Mitt one of her balls and she'd still be twice the man he'd be"

mosjef August 15, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Mutt hates hatred. And anger makes him angry. And don't even get him started about division. We need a multi millionaire job raper with a dancing horse and a car elevator to unite us.

BarackMyWorld August 15, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Nope…nothing divisive, angry, or hateful about telling someone to go "back to" somewhere, or insulting an entire American city.

kingofmeh August 16, 2012 at 12:08 am

remember seamus! devo to put out single commemmorating our roof-racked canine brother.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/devo-hou

doloras August 16, 2012 at 5:44 am

What is the Law? Not to put the dog on the roof rack, that is the Law. Are we not men?!?

12X34X August 16, 2012 at 1:55 am

Iwanna_ Beemee @ shutup.com

12X34X August 16, 2012 at 2:14 am
sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:58 am

You want a vote, don't you?

Bumptious August 16, 2012 at 2:15 am

Why does Mittens hate Chicago?

sullivanst August 16, 2012 at 8:58 am

And why's he dividing the nation from Chicago?

lulzmonger August 16, 2012 at 4:25 am

Willard Romney = CoWAAAAAAAAHHHHnder-In-Chief.

In these tough times, America needs a hardcore Emo as POTUS … & Boehner is too scared to run.

joobajooba August 16, 2012 at 7:45 am

For "Back to Chicago" read "Back to Africa"

ElPinche August 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

Of course it takes you directly to the donate link. If you donate, you probably become part of some Kolob tax loophole scheme forcing you into some payment plan.

gurukalehuru August 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

This geographical license Republicans have to play their base off of City Folk has always fascinated your Wonkette.
It's a war on cities.

BeefHardcake August 16, 2012 at 11:56 am

Speaking as a Chicago native, if Obama were really practicing Chicago-style politics, starting tomorrow Mitt Romney would have a new luxury residence.

In an oil drum buried under the end zone at Soldier Field.

MittBorg August 16, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I just hope nobody *else* signed it as Weedlord Bonerhitler.

BZ1 August 16, 2012 at 5:02 pm

oh, h*ll, the Repubs hate lots more cities than just Chicago, let's start with New York, San Francisco, and on and on…

Extemporanus August 16, 2012 at 3:15 am

Does me feeling like shit because two of my fellow Wonketteers whom I respect and admire most didn't find what I said funny count as a poop joke?

Because if so…

The Aristocrats!

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