workin on a chain gang

Mitt Romney: I Am Not Unhinged

Yesterday, Joe Biden said a thing about chains that was basically Joe Biden’s way of using a common metaphor employed by Mitt Romney to attack Mitt Romney. Why is Joe Biden so racist against Romneys?

Mitt remarked, sensibly mind you, that the Obama campaign is a vile cesspool of filth and “ethnic” hatred out of which the monsters of terror come to abduct our women.

“This is an election in which we should be talking about the path ahead, but you don’t hear any answers coming from President Obama’s reelection campaign,” said Romney, accusing Obama of “taking things to a new low.”

And also “being divisive” and “attacking Mitt Romney.”

Referring to Joe Biden’s comment that Romney and Republicans would let big business put Americans “back in chains” Romney said Obama’s “campaign and his surrogates have made wild and reckless accusations that disgrace the office of the presidency. Another outrageous charge just came a few hours ago in Virginia.”

“This is what an angry and desperate presidency looks like,” Romney said. “He won’t win that way.”

Following this, the Obama campaign called Romney’s comments “unhinged,” which is really unfair given that all Romney did was go apeshit over a metaphor about market regulation. But really, we found his apeshit response more “miffed” than unhinged, as he whined soulfully about how Joe Biden wasn’t being “uplifting” enough while attacking his Mittness.

When asked on CBS about his remarks and the Obama campaign’s response, Mitt responded quite eloquently that “I can be much more dramatic.” He then snapped his fingers and rolled his neck at the camera, and muttered, “Don’t sass me, bitch.” That part was edited out.

The best part is when the reporter directly asks Romney why Biden’s remarks that “unshackling Wall Street” will lead to the middle class being “back in chains” are offensive, and he just forlornly states that it sinks the White House even lower, because you know what chains meant to Romney’s people. I mean, you do know, right? Because Your Wonkette does not. It is almost as if he can’t actually bring himself to make the completely disingenuous statement that Biden thinks and/or said that Romney will reinstate the Middle Passage.

Also, because he must make up for his inability to lie in one place, Romney pouts that Biden’s attack — that the Romney camp wants to deregulate the banks again — was “inaccurate.” Why, nobody is calling to deregulate Wall Street, he averred, right after he vowed to repeal Dodd-Frank. It is on his official Mitt Romney shopping site and everything.

It is truly a sad day when Obama’s campaign of racial, ethnic, age and income terror has led to this moment, where an insanely rich, privileged Republican is forced to flee to national television with hundreds of millions of dollars in campaign funds just to defend himself from someone stealing his metaphor.

[Daily Kos]

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  1. ph7

    This is what an angry and desperate presidency looks like

    Mitt is going to gang tackle and cut the Presidency's hair next.

  2. Not_So_Much

    Mittens can't get there a moment too soon. Goldman Sachs just today barely escaped being responsible for its own, abusive horribleness by the skin of their dozens of lawyer's teeth.

  3. elviouslyqueer

    Mitt, I have a beautiful baked camembert that will pair perfectly with that fine whine of yours.

      1. miss_grundy

        How about wanker or tosser. I think those are fun words, too, and Mittens probably heard those a lot while in England.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Instead of male think mail, that is, his parts were shipped to Mexico and assembled by his loving father, who was a master car maker, but as we now know, a failure at Mittbot assembly.

  4. sbj1964

    Poor little Master Mittens time to put on your big boy pants.Mean old Mr.Biden can't hurt you.You have on your Magic Mormon underpants.

  5. Doktor Zoom

    You see, one uses chains to lower the anchor of one's yacht. So Biden's comments are simultaneously an invitation for illegal Messicans to have more anchor babies, an attack on Mittens' success as a jerb creator, and a denial of the indisputable reality that cutting taxes on the rich will allow a rising tide to lift all boats.

    (Also, any boats that are already swamped are a write-off, so fuck 'em)

    1. sewollef

      Anchors ahoy you wonkette bilge rats! I was really getting into all those sea-shanty analogies.

      Please sir, can I have some more?

    2. kittensdontlie

      BoBama's danger to america being, that he has somehow lowered our tides permanently. While already having control of white america, now he has the white(full) moon too.

  6. WordSaladNation

    A Romney spokesperson followed up with this comment:

    "It has recently come to our attention that Chrissie Hynde's song 'Back on the Chain Gang,' which discusses hijacking, hell, sand, and oral sex — 'bring me to my knees' — is, quite simply, a blueprint for terrorism. We are calling for a complete and thorough federal investigation into Ms. Hynde's illegal, unethical, and un-American activities."

  7. weejee

    In other newz, Mittens & Scrooge McRyan are, like Tark the Shark Jr., out there shamelessly making a fractured pitch for blah voters by singing a duet of Aretha Franklin's
    ♪♫ Chain, chain, chain, chain of foolz ♫♪

  8. TootsStansbury

    I heard a bit if his plea for civility on the radio this morning. Mitt came across as either insane or drugged. If I had coffee at the time I would've spitted it right out.

    1. NellCote71

      I saw Romney's performance on TV. If anyone has had children or who has been around children 8 years or younger, you have seen this act before. All wounded, whiney innocence, indicating that whiner was just as guilty or guiltier than the accused. Even if I didn't detest Romney as much as I do, I would have found his little pout fest unbelievably immature.

  9. SorosBot

    Obama never gets angry, even when he has good reason to do so; the dude is pretty unflappable. Biden's statement was certainly not angry. There is one campaign running on anger and ethnic hatred, but it's certainly not Obama-Biden. It looks like Mittens is using the old GOP projection again.

      1. SorosBot

        The truth is, this is what an angry and desperate flailing campaign for the presidency looks like; Romney won't win that way.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      I heard the most appalling bit of projection on the radio yesterday. It was Mittens saying something to the effect that the Obama campaign "isn't telling us what they have done or will do" or words to that effect. My head about asploded. Un. Be. Fucking. Lievable.

      1. SorosBot

        Yeah, Obama is the incumbent so we kind of all know what they have done; meanwhile Mittens won't say anything about what he'd do as President aside from lowering his own taxes, and we're apparently not allowed to ask him anything about his past. And he keeps accusing Obama of doing exactly what he actually is doing.

    2. miss_grundy

      Actually, when he starts off a sentence by saying "Look", you know he is getting miffed, but he does it in a very gentlemanly fashion by pointing out what is wrong in your question. I have a feeling he will be using that word a lot when he debates MittBot.

  10. majicunderwear

    Just realized Mittens and Ryan are the real life versions of Gordon Gecko and Bud Fox.

    "Greed is good my friends".

  11. el_donaldo

    The Romney campaign has become like a slow moving train wreck. Nothing really awful has happened yet, but you can see it coming off the rails and moving inexorably toward that stalled bus full of circus clowns that don't see what is slowly bearing down on them.

    1. miss_grundy

      By circus clowns, you mean the speakers at the Republican Convention, because that will be a laugh riot of mendacity and paranoia. I don't know how the news anchors will be able to get through crazy.

      1. el_donaldo

        Yes, that is exactly who I mean. It won't really be a tragedy at all because clowns! Funny!

  12. Millennial Malaise

    Ugh, these debates are going to be brutal. Is it possible to pin Mittens down on anything, whatsoever? Obama will be hard pressed to use his words against them, when the words don't mean jack shit.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I think it will be fascinating. How many non-sequitors can we have in one debate? Somebody will ask a question about building roads, and Mitt will bust out with some terrible story about how much money he spends on vacation, and how grateful we should all be for his largesse. I can't wait.

    2. TootsStansbury

      I have been thinking about this too. How do you "debate" someone who basically poops out of his mouth? Will the moderators intervene?

  13. Maman

    Why Joe Biden's words are enough to make Mitt not want to pay taxes in the US and when Mitt does that, it will be Obama's fault.

  14. Dildeaux

    Hey mittbitch. We are gonna rain pain down on your pussie ass like medieval and shit. You need to just quit. Now, before the Bamz campaign really starts paying attention and gets focused on destrying you and your sophomoric running mate. Quit now.

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Holy fuck Mittens. The Hilsbot didn't lose her shit until 3 months into the primary. It's been a whole month and you're already freaking out.

    I suspect that you'll probably be needing lots of Depends for those 3am calls.

      1. miss_grundy

        No, what got them into trouble was having that Sandusky freak as an assistant coach for thirty years. And then letting him use the football building for his sexcapades after he retired.

  16. Oblios_Cap

    Who doesn't remember how the Mormons were placed into bondoge by the blah Angel Moroni and forced, weeping, into the desolation of Utah. There is even a temple to the IRS in Ogden which, in reality, is one of the Gates Of Hell.

  17. freakishlywrong

    One of this asshole's surrogates compared Barry to a "coyote pissing on your couch". So, right back at 'cha fucktard.

    1. NellCote71

      Ohhh. I really like that metaphor. T-shirts for the Obama campaign. Wily Coyote pissing on some Louis XIV couch.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      Christ. It's what, four decades later and Little Lord Mittens is still picking on people he doesn't think "belong," trying to kick them to the ground and cut off their hair.

  18. HateMachine

    Aw, c'mon Mittens, the "unhinged" bit was supposed to be a compliment. Barry was just commenting on how cunningly designed and professionally made your chassis and synthetic skin are, seeing as there are no visible hinges. It's impressive, honest!

    Aw, don't cry Willard, we didn't mean it like that!

    1. el_donaldo

      Yes, it's like pointing out how a python can unhinge its jaw to swallow prey. Cold-blooded monsters are fascinating is all.

  19. jjdaddyo

    Don't you know that all those Mormons, on the way from New York to Utah, stopped off in Georgia to be enslaved by evil socialist plantation owners who made them chop cotton and sing songs about Jeebus delivering them free health care? Or maybe Joseph Smith made that part up.

    1. miss_grundy

      I can't wait until Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher, and every other stand-up comic goes after him. If the media won't do their job, these guys will.

  20. SayItWithWookies

    Really, how absurd to say that workers will be chained up. They might have radio anklets like you give to people under house arrest, and if they get government assistance they might be subject to drug testing, and their corporate masters can do whatever they want to them in our new unregulated environment, and they might have to go begging for basic healthcare — but chains? Really, they'd be redundant. And the shipping costs alone would make them prohibitive. Except for the really difficult cases, of course.

  21. An_Outhouse

    " Obama campaign is a vile cesspool of filth and “ethnic” hatred"

    I see what you did there.

  22. Pat_Pending

    I'm looking forward to the next few weeks, when the political rhetoric is boiled down to Mitts and Biden screaming "I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?" at each other.

  23. SorosBot

    OT but the "What do you think" thingy is currently asking me "Have you ever hiked on the Appalachian Trail?", and I'm wondering if they mean that literally or in the Mark Sanford sense, and giggling.

  24. mrblifil

    I think Mitt actually believes this shit. Which means the debates will be epic, as Barry Smoove sticks in each shiv with a glittering smile. That is, provided Mitt does not bow out due to "exhaustion" (alcoholism).

    1. SorosBot

      Well he already cancelled his planned campaign appearance in Orlando due to "exhaustion", which is very presidential of him.

    2. hagajim

      I think it's hard to figure out what (if anything) Mitt believes. Shit, he changes his position faster than a hooker in a gangbang.

  25. MrFizzy

    Mormonian dogma does not contemplate unhingedness. No wonder Willard is nervous. Ramp up the tithes dude, and maybe you can get off the hook.

  26. An_Outhouse

    Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Romney hears that the 'angry' black man called him 'unhinged'.

  27. freakishlywrong

    Joe Tardborough was wringing his hands over all this shit this a.m. That is, before I lunged for the remote and changed my teevee to Current.

  28. Billmatic

    This seems like typical Rovian tactics. Use liberal terminology and the perceived cult of victim-hood against them (e.g. "Who's the *real* racists?" et al), but it seems more desperate and irrational this time.

  29. Blunderthing

    Romney looked up from sucking a dick to deplore the dick sucking then went back to sucking a dick. The End.

  30. MacRaith

    When my son was five, if you made him mad, he'd start fake-crying and whine "Hey, you're hurting my feelings!" He didn't do this many times, because it never got him anywhere. And yes, it's pretty lame, but he was only five years old. What's Romney's excuse?

    1. NellCote71

      Sorry, I posted something similar before reading your post. This is exactly what Rmoney's behavior reminds me of.

  31. sewollef

    He plans to repeal Dodd-Frank does he?

    I wonder if anyone will even notice, since after the likes of Goldman Sachs' surrogates in congress got finished with it it was a toothless old grannie with about as much bite as, er, a toothless old…. you know?

    Dodd-Frank started life as a new-born bill that showed some promise in dragging back some of the choppers of Glass-Steagall, but Blankfein fiendishly put an end to its delicate little life and we're left with a toothless… yada, yada, yada., etc. Also.

  32. BlueStateLibel

    I really think Mittens is going to have a meltdown one of these days. He's spent his whole life as an entitled rich boy and catered-to master-of-the-universe CEO. Now he's getting treated like a real person for once and the hinges ARE starting to come off.

    1. NellCote71

      Excellent point. I wrote on another post that he seems so surprised that in a presidential campaign, people would actually ask, er, questions. And not in quiet rooms.

    2. Angry_Marmot

      Halberstam's book on the media, The Powers That Be, wondered if that was part of Nixon's problem: he'd been coddled so long by the old L.A. Times that he never got used to the rough and tumble of being held to the record or having people question his more outrageous statements.

      1. LetUsBray

        On a tangential note, I moved to LA during that brief period when the LA Times didn't suck tremendous quantities and varieties of ass. So when it reverted to traditional form in retrospect I suppose I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was.

  33. An_Outhouse

    Why is there a video of Israeli cats at the top of this post? We realize Mitt is a big pussy but that's verging on anti semitic.

  34. SolitaireRose

    I'm so looking forward to Willard pulling out Bob Dole's old speeches and shouting at crowds "Where's the outrage!" Because it worked so well in 1996.

    For the country, that is. Not For Bob Dole.

  35. owhatever

    Never tried actual chains. Soft leather restraints, knotted silk ties and handcuffs were cool. Something to look forward to. Thanks, Joe.

    1. natoslug

      The problem with chains is that sometimes your skin gets pinched between the links, which is not painful in a sexy way, just painful. And they're usually cold at first. A rough rope is usually better, also too.

  36. thefrontpage

    Romney and Ryan are unhinged.

    They're also chained and shackled to backwards, wayward, ignorant, racist, redneck, hateful, biased, discriminatory, blue-blood, snobby, snotty, arrogant, upper-class-biased, anti-immigration, anti-minority, anti-gay, homophobic, maniacally religious, overly religious, anti-women, anti-poor, anti-environment, anti-science, anti-intellectualism, anti-academic, anti-intelligence viewpoints, stances and opinions.

    They are unhinged.

  37. chicken_thief

    If Mitt is so goddamn rich why doesn't he do something about the size of his freakin head? I mean, you could use that thing for a zeppelin or something. Maybe that's why he whines all the time and pants when he talks – he's carrying a Buick around on his shoulders fer Christ's sake.

  38. Angry_Marmot

    Spoiled little Mittens outsourced some kittens, and they began to cry,
    "Oh Governor dear, we sadly fear that we will not scrape by."

    "What! Lost your jobs, you naughty kittens!  Then you shall have no pie."
    "Meeow, meeow, meeow, we weren't born rich, now we shall have no pie."

    "Vote for Mittens, you wealthy kittens, and you shall have most of the pie!"
    "Meeow, meeow, meeow, Romney-Ryan 2012! Now let us have some pie."

    The rich little kittens all voted for Mittens, then they began to sigh.
    "Oh Mittens dear, do you not fear the storming of Versailles?"

    "What! The Tea Party's nose is so far up our butt,
    They can't smell a rat close by!"

    "Meeow, meeow, meeow, Obama's so near, we can't smell the rat closer by…"

  39. barto

    Hopefully Mittens will just break out into a spiritual next time, "Let My People Go" perhaps, to make his point more dramatically.

  40. mr bojangles

    'i m not going to rock the boat, i m going to sink the boat!!'

    putney swope for president!!

  41. OneYieldRegular

    "Look, this is a President who has said 'hello' to numerous people on more than one occasion. How incredibly condescending to ordinary, hard-working Americans. Saying 'hello' just shows the depths to which this President will stoop. It proves Obama's incredible elitism and demonstrates his desperation, his trying to please everyone. And that's why you should vote for me, a real, hardworking, roll-up-my-sleeves businessman who wouldn't say hello to a dog."

  42. johnnymeatworth

    How long until Van Halen sues him for playing "Unchained" at his rallies without permission?

  43. bikerlaureate

    Shackles good… chains bad.

    Which candidate's looking angry and desperate, again?

  44. miss_grundy

    So, wait, let me get this straight, Mormons were brought to America in shackles? Really??!!!! I thought they only kept their wommenz in shackles as sex slaves and brood mares and as sammich makers…

  45. Ducksworthy

    Mittens sometimes seems to be wrong footed but this is due to the time lag between the transmission and receipt of his instructions from the planet Kolob.

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