Holy smokes, which one is which? How is it that nobody until now has noticed the eerie similarity between Hollywood Lieberal Matt Damon (“Matt Damon”) and beefy conservahunk and potential vice president of US America Paul Ryan? They have the same number of eyebrows … They both have hair … Hmmm. Is it possible they do not actually look like each other at all? NO, IDIOT. It is NOT.

Here are some things that look more like other things than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon (“Matt Damon”).

Here is a USB cord that looks more like a tampon than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.

Here is a laptop case that looks more like a pizza box than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.

Here is an oven mitt that looks more like a “like” than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.

Finally, this cat looks more like Paul Ryan than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.

Oh, sorry, that is Hitler.

[FoxNation Twitterz]

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  • DrunkIrishman

    Yes … if Matt Damon's mother mated with The Count from Sesame Street.

  • savethispatient

    All white people look the same to Fox Nation, the racists.

    • According to Fox Nation, Barack Obama looks just like Samuel L. Jackson.

      • James Michael Curley

        "I've had enough of these motherf*ckin' journalists on this motherf*ckin' station."

    • sewollef

      "All white people look the same to Fox Nation, the racists."

      Is Matt Damon white…? Well of course I don't notice colour or silly things like that.

  • emmelemm

    Toldja the Repubs think he's dreamy dreamy handsome.

    • I'll grant you that ZEGS has that Stepford thing going – creepy bright eyes and plastic smile under a helmet of hair.

    • ibwilliamsi

      That's only because they've been ogling Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich all these years.

      • Well, that finishes off my sex drive once and for all.

      • Uh … urk. Guess I'm not having any dinner, either.

      • NellCote71

        Don't forget Ann Coulter, although I wish I could.

    • Ech!

  • ahnc

    FoxNation gets paid for this? Sign me up.

    • SmutBoffin


      • Oh, man, there's TWO of you lipless lizardoids in here!

    • RadioBowels

      Joe the Snarker.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    Butch Patrick libel!!!

    • OneYieldRegular

      SPY magazine libel!!!

  • bumfug

    Wow! Like the Bourne ads say, "There was never just one!"

    • Serolf_Divad

      So did Ryan forget he was an Ayn Rand worshipping Objectivist douchebag the same way Jason Bourne forgot his own name in the first movie?

  • savethispatient

    That's nothing, I've got a turnip that's shaped like a thingy! And sadly, a thingy that's shaped like a turnip.

    • CapnFatback

      What a truly cunning plan, master!

      • Do you serve your turnip raw, as God intended?

      • sullivanst

        Elizabethan schmuck!

        • Schmuck, putz, it's all the same thing.

          • sullivanst

            First time I ever snuck a British TV reference past you.

          • You cetainly did, you sod! It's been ages since I've seen Blackadder, but HOW could I have forgotten that? Thank you. You warmed the cockles of my heart.

          • sullivanst

            Less surprising when you remember that for Season 2, they recorded different lyrics for the closing theme of each episode.

            But, that was the season with the turnip shaped like a thingy…

          • Great Booze Up Edmond!

          • No, I used to memorize all the lyrics and sing them out loud on the bus. Keeps the drunks and weirdos away something wonderful.

          • sullivanst

            Did you get up there for the falsetto notes? That'd really make them look at you like they're used to other people looking at them ;)

          • My range is good in the lower register, but I do a pretty mean falsetto, and actually, most loonies don't care for other loonies. The last one looked me right in the eye and said, "You CRAZY" before moving to the opposite end of the vehicle.

          • bobbert

            An outcome devoutly to be wished.

          • Most of our crazies are pretty cool. The last time I was buttonholed, the crazy in question had some fascinating theories about the moon and ATMs. It's the rightwing nutbags you have to watch out for, they're much more likely to be shooting at you than just wanting a little money for drogas or booze or tail.

          • sullivanst

            Seems substantially similar to the scene I sought to set.

    • rmjagg

      is ' a thingy ' code for a body part , more commonly called ' an ayn ryan ' ?

    • Dude, you should get that looked at.

      • Hey, sweetpea! (kisses the little star)

        • Hi Z! How are yur tomatoes? How are you feeling?

          • Hey, darlin'! I got my first two beautiful, ripe Cherokee Purples. One of them is a double handful. HUGE. The Early Clear Pinks came in, very tasty, more to come in the week. We've had one San Marzano so far, but they're turning orange already, so it's tomato feast time at the old homestead. I'm feeling pretty good. Harvested nearly a dozen cucumbers, the beans are growing, I put in some chard and arugula, and basella rubra, aka Malabar spinach, so my botanical experiments are going great guns (so to speak). Very pleased about that.

            I like to do that, grow different plants under different conditions with different soil mixes and then take notes throughout the season. And you? What's up, beautiful?

    • bobbert

      Pure poetry.

    • WhatTheHeck

      I’m no cook, but one of them is vegetable and the other is all meat… in case you were confused.

    • We're going to need to *talk.* (packs camera)

  • succalina

    Matt Damon looks like he was coming down from a meth binge in that pic. Whoops, I meant coke binge. Wrong decade.

    • AncienReggie

      No, no, my young friend. There was plenty of meth back then. And reasonably priced!

      • I think it was a different drug then though.

        • bobbert

          Now, don't get cranky.

        • valgal2342

          Free Base! It's a wonder it's not on the Tea Party Freedom agenda.
          But then again, they'd think it was a baseball term. Wait, what?

        • UW8316154

          Yes. It was cleaner and better.

    • shelwood46

      Meth Damon Libel! (No, really, on Breaking Bad the character known as Todd, AKA Landry, is known as Meth Damon on all the right Blog Boards.)

  • docteur_giraud

    If they'd thought about it, there are other movie stars who actually resemble Ryan. But if the "they" at Fox Nation "thought," their heads would explode.

    Also: Kitler is kinda cute.

    • I have a serious lifetime crush on white cats with little black moustaches.

      • Geminisunmars

        My parents had a little white kitty with a mustache they named Bigote.

        • Adorable!

          We only ever had the one white kitty, and she thought she was our mother. When my mother would yell at us, she would climb up the stairs, face off with Mom, and meow at her till she stopped. She also loved grooming our hair, and would walk to the bus stop to pick my little brother up after school.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    Matt Damon, Paul Demon- I can see where they're coming from…

  • qwerty42

    I thought it was Kitler.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      off Kitler

  • DoucheWillis

    I'm sorry Fox Nation, the person you were thinking of is Gabe from The Office. Missed by a goddamn mile.

    • marconidarwin

      Maybe that's the problem. They should not be thinking of a person. A slug, or some moist creature may spark some resemblance.

      • Hmm. I *do* have an overpowering urge to pour salt on him …

    • billy_reuben

      Steve Carrel's character looks just Scott Walker

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, but The Office started sucking right about the time Gabe joined the cast; while the GOP has sucked since long before Ryan was around. Still, I've always suspected that Gabe might be the real Scranton Strangler – that's just like Ryan really.

  • My yearbook photograph is grainy and black&white too.
    I guess that means I look like Matt Damon and Paul Ryan.


  • The original story was "Paul Ryan and Ronald Reagan: Separated at Birth?" but that was too obvious at this early stage of the game.

    • foxpuppet

      Fox shied away from something that was 'too obvious'? Huh! Guess there's a first time for everything…

  • Boojum

    My poop looks a LOT like Paul Ryan.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      You might wanna get that checked out.

      • RadioBowels

        You'll get a coupon for that.

        • For Grey Poupon?

          • RadioBowels

            Damn, you were right on top of me.
            I <3 Boo's comment. It might not be #1, but it certainly is #2 in my world.

          • :)

            Good to see you're back in your disgusting old form, Radio. (hugs Radio)

          • RadioBowels

            My disgusting old form??!? Are you implying I look like Ryan?

            BTW OT, speaking of the shit, I really am enjoying that Van Gogh bio I mentioned a few weeks ago.

          • Jesus, I would *never* be that mean and rotten to you. He looks like they forgot to pull the stake out of his heart after reanimating him.

            I've sworn off reading anything upsetting for the nonce, but promise I will catch up with that book someday. I stopped reading about war and torture and death in Kampuchea. Amazing, how much better I feel already. And you, you sound great. Better. More, I dunno, relaxed, or less stressed or something. Which makes me happy for you, my friend.

          • RadioBowels

            It works if you work it, it's worth it. And rediscovering deep meditation.
            I love me them war books too, but in controlled doses.

          • "Controlled doses" is the trick, huh? Past two years, it's been just about all I've been reading. And then, of course, all the depressing films about WW II. I need to do some meditation.

    • I was just thinking the same thing.

    • RadioBowels


  • Buzz Feedback

    Potsie Weber and Paul Ryan separated at birth?

  • coolhandnuke

    Ryan looks like Michael Stipe's frat boy douchebag date rapey doppleganger.

    Sorry Mr. Stipe, you still rock….(heads off to find Murmur cassette tape)

  • Seriously, wtf? Are they smoking crack over there? They look as much alike as Mittens and Rafalca…oh wait….

  • I was separated at birth from Gwyneth Paltrow. Ask anyone.

    • Angry_Marmot

      I was separated at pubescence from one of the neighbor girls.

    • glasspusher

      I wouldn't want to separate from Gwyneth Paltrow until she had given birth, and maybe not even then…

  • edgydrifter

    To be fair, nobody has ever accused Fox Nation of being terribly bright or perceptive.

  • Paul Ryan totally looks like Matt Damon…in "Team America."

  • nifflersghost

    I'm trying to frame a witty comment here but it's like making fun of a homeless person for rooting around in the garbage.

    Matt Damon and Paul Ryan look similar to each other in the sense that they both have skeletons.

    • You know, that wasn't too bad at all. Stick around, I sense greatness in your future.

    • Negropolis

      I don't know, even that's debatable for Ryan. Where's his fuckin' backbone?

    • bobbert

      Assumes facts not in evidence.

      • nifflersghost

        Well, rudimentary calceous frameworks of some kind. Look, I'm trying to give Ryan all I can. I can't just refer to him as an inflamed scrotum pimple. Damon doesn't have one of those, as far as I know.

  • CapnFatback

    Well, I'm sure it looked that way as each emerged from the birth canal, but you have to remember that Matt Damon was a breech baby.

    • Shave Paul's butt and make him walk backwards?

      • BerkeleyBear

        Nah, then everyone would call him Mr. Rove.

        • You *wound* me, BB. Oh, wait, that's not me, that's PorcineKarl. Carry on, then.

        • bobbert

          Nice serve and volley.

  • CrunchyKnee

    I picked a jalapeno out of my garden today that had a small "arm." It had more personality than Paul Ryan.

    • Serolf_Divad

      I sat on a whoopie cushion whose budget projections were more realistic than Paul Ryan's.

    • Maybe you should try to get it to grow another arm. We'll substitute it for Paul Ryan and see if Mitt Romney notices.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      so you're saying that your jalapeño killed Dr Kimble's wife?

      • NellCote71

        Ahh. Well played.

  • SmutBoffin

    It appears that Ryan has always been a thin-lipped lizard person.

    • CapnFatback

      So sayeth the licking reptile . . .

      • SmutBoffin


  • Both of them look like the pictures of victims you see in all those true-crime books about dead Seattle hookers.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      the Seattle Seahookers, looking to shore up the NFC West and beat their arch nemesis, the San Francisco 69ers

      • Callyson

        They better watch for the come from behind win by the St Louis Rams…

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Alas, with the Rams, it's always come from behind or don't come at all.

          (Usually the latter.)

          • horsedreamer_1

            I'll have you know, Georgia Frontiere was damp as a wet sponge in her later years.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Otherwise the victory might go to the Cleveland Browns and their steam train.

    • UW8316154

      Oh Em Gee! Ryan DOES have a resemblance to Ted Bundy!!
      I knew I'd seen that face before.

    • Ann Rule RULES.

  • Callyson

    That's it, FOX, emphasize how youthful Ayn Ryan looks…the Reeps are already pissed that their "Obama has no real world experience" rant has been rendered meaningless by your VP pick.

    Next up on FOX: how Ryan's membership in the Model United Nations means he has foreign policy experience…

    • jaytingle

      There's a United Nation for models? Is that 'cause of Benetton?

    • comrad_darkness

      That's their MO. Don't you remember two weeks after whining that Obama was such a celebrity, they were all ZOMG, Sarah is such a celebrity, swoon!

  • Also is it my Google Chrome browser or is the formatting of this post just off, so the captions are next to the wrong pictures? REBECCA!!!!!!

    • commiegirl99


      • No need to be shouty.

        • Watch it, dude. 'BeccaLou can kick some ass when she wants to. I hear she can tie knots in a man's testicles with just her tongue.

        • Negropolis

          No need to be a dick about it.

          That is, of course, unless you were snarking.

  • Here is a shark that looks more like a dick.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I don't know. It's pretty hard to look more like a dick than Paul Ryan.

  • I'm sorry…, now which one slept with Jennifer Aniston?

    • bobbert
    • Negropolis

      All of them, Katie. Who hasn't slept with Jennifer Aniston is the question.

      • bobbert

        Technically, I believe "who gives a fuck?" is the question.

        • Negropolis

          Well, if she gave me a fuck I'd care. But, only then.

  • You know what else Paul Ryan looks like?

    • A cod after three days in the bottom of the boat?

    • fartknocker

      The ass of an ass?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      The sweaty interior of Ayn Rand's girdle?

    • Callyson

      Ted Bundy?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Ted Bundy's younger brother Ron, who wasn't actually charming enough to get any young coeds into his van. Thank goodness.

    • anniegetyerfun

      A failed Vice Presidential candidate?

      • foxpuppet

        Deserves far more upfists than this!!!

    • Yes, but I'm not allowed to repeat it in polite company.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        [/looks around the room]


        • I know, really, whatthefuck was I thinking, this is the crowd that faps to buttsechs and chewing gum.

          • foxpuppet

            Mmmmm, chewing gummmm…

          • You *sick* little foxpuppy, you.

          • foxpuppet

            Ooh- did it just get a little chilly in here, or is it just me?

          • HAH! (leaps into the pool, holding nose)

            Whaddya mean, chilly? The water's FINE!

          • foxpuppet

            Mark Spitz? That you? You got a little booger on your face…

          • Oh, hon, everybody KNOWS Mark swallows.

          • foxpuppet

            Speaking of swallowing, did you see that the Google doodle is celebrating Julia Child's 100th birthday?

          • Rly? Damn, I've really lost touch with the culinary mafia. I should've known that. Thanks for the music, too.

    • Ronald Reagan's rotting root?

      • It took me this long to work up the courage to reply, because I was that overcome by the grossness of that image.

        Did ever alliteration get put to such abuse?

      • bobbert

        Obligatory observation that that would be a hella band name.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Indiana Unversity men's coach Tom Crean?

      • BerkeleyBear

        Hoosier libel! That's not a widow's peak, that's an attempt at hiding a receding hairline.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The kind of guy that requests lotion application in the third person?

    • SorosBot

      A male version of Sarah Palin?

      • RadioBowels

        Dick Cheney?

    • Negropolis


    • HogeyeGrex

      The tampon?

  • How dare they say Matt Damon looks like a sociopath!

  • And what I mean by that is that Paul Ryan is not handsome. NOT!

  • Michael Scott is more like it. Not Steve Carrell, mind you, but the character played by him.

    • shelwood46

      Nuh-uh. Gabe.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Good NIL Hunting.

  • coolhandnuke

    The only thing Damon and Ryan remotely share in common is Damon was "Saving Private Ryan" and Ryan is 'Saving Privatzing Ryan."

    • Angry_Marmot

      Don't forget the porn version, "Shaving Ryan's Privates".

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Please tell me this doesn't involve a Rand/Greenspan scene.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Did Paul Ryan go to Hah-vahd? Did he make his debut in Mystic Pizza? Does he make sexytime with Ben Affleck?

    • glasspusher

      Does he?

  • rmjagg

    a ryan ayn comparison with debbie reynolds I could see

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    The re-tweets on this are pretty hilarious:

    ≡≡ miketheburrito ≡≡‏@miketheburrito
    @foxnation You Suck Turds

    David Matthews‏@_dmatthews
    @foxnation That's impossible since they have different birthdays. Who is fact-checking this stuff for you?

    Mike Scourby‏@brooklynkid1951
    @foxnation not even close, Ryan is believed to be the love child of an incestuous relationship between the Koch brothers.

    • SmutBoffin

      "You Suck Turds" has a taut elegance to it.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Which David Matthews, the singer or the sports blogger?

  • If this is what idiots do with Twitter, just imagine what they'll do with Facebook.

    • Callyson

      Buy its stock?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Paul Ryan was spawned from genetic material taken from a rotting piece of meat lodged in Ayn Rand's teeth.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Which set?

      • foxpuppet

        Government-funded dentures, I'll bet…

        • HogeyeGrex

          I should have specified. Dentition, or Dentata?

  • proudgrampa

    People tell me I look just like George Clooney. Seriously.

    With a pot belly and a bald head. But seriously.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I was once told that I look like a desperate housewife.

      True story.

      • proudgrampa

        The cute one, I presume.

        • ProgressiveInga

          I am pretty sure they were not talking about the television show…

    • Listen, George Clooney is SO fucking sexy that he would look just fine with a pot belly and a bald head. Rumour is, George Clooney *invented* sex.

      • proudgrampa

        Well. I got 10 years on George. So that means I invented sex. And the Internet, too. Also.

        • Godammit, everybody gets to the party before me.

        • Boojum


    • finallyhappy

      People think I look like their aunt, their mom's best friend, their neighbor when they were growing up, some girl from their junior high in Oregon- when I really look almost exactly like the young Jennifer Garner(in the same sense that Ryan looks like Damon- well, more so for me- Jennifer and I are both human)

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Me at nineteen: my girlfriend says I look like Robby Benson

        Me at forty five: my wife says I look like Rick Moranis. ( backs it up)

        • Ryan: "Honey, I Shrunk The Middle Class"

        • bikerlaureate

          That's awfully hard to live vicariously through. Don't let me down.

      • Nice! You just got me thinking. Ryan doesn't look like Damon. He looks like Damien. The creepy Satany kiddy in Omen.

    • horsedreamer_1

      So, tell people your Syriana period Clooney.

  • barto

    separated by a crowbar, most likely….

  • One is a portrayed as a brain dead asshole and the other only plays one on the screen.

  • edgydrifter

    Separated at birth? I guess that would make Paul Ryan a reasonably handsome placenta.

    • bobbert

      And YOU get an internet.

    • He does have that wavy sort of head configuration, don't he?

    • finallyhappy

      Have I told my placenta story here before- I'll tell it again. After a difficult birth, the nurse insisted on showing me my son's placenta because it "was his home for 9 months". I saw it and then vomited. Thank you for listening

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I shot video of my sister planting her daughter's placenta under an orange tree, a sort of hippie-yoga thing she'd read about, and decided she had to do it.

        She had to thaw it out; it had been in her freezer for almost 3 years.

        I'm not kidding.

        • NellCote71


      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Placentas are just meat interfaces, so that your body doesn't recognize the foreign body with different DNA inside you, harvesting your bodily nutrients. After the kid spends enough time floating in his own pee and kicking you from the inside, you get to poop it out. Apparently some people are sticklers for the precise co-ordinates of the child-pooping act.
        They're all like
        "On this side of the line, the just-pooped out baby gets these rights."
        "on the other side of the line, the fresh-pooped baby doesn't get those rights."

        Humans are weird.

        • I don't even *want* to know the details, man. It happens. I can live with that part.

        • Negropolis

          Placentas are just meat interfaces, so that your body doesn't recognize the foreign body with different DNA inside you, harvesting your bodily nutrients.

          You sure you're not Romney? That sounds like how he would describe childbirth. lol

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Well, given that much of your digestive tract is a symbiotic colony of bacteria, it seems to be an eminently accurate description. It's just the border birthing issue that is freaky. The notion that popping out on a side of a line defines you, when you haven't even learned how to do much more than cry, suck boob, and sleep, that this somehow defines you for a lifetime is weird.

            Sure, we could judge you by your 25 year resume, and credit score and your degrees and papers, but first, what side of this line did you pop out of your momma?

            The entire premise seems ridiculous.

      • The last time you told the placenta story, was that the last time I told the story about cutting my daughter's umbilical cord? I looked all sweaty and crazy (I have the pictures) and just saw a baby come out of my wife for the first time. I was about to cut the cord when some nurse in the background said in a shrill-and-trolling voice; "Don't cut the baybee!". So I murdered everyone.

        • I've never been present. My BestGirl's mum asked me to be, and I said, "I'll puke and pass out, hit my head on the hospital bed, fracture my skull, lapse into a coma, and leave blood and DNA contaminant all over you. Plus, you'll be having the kid without any help. You decide." She went without me.

          • bobbert

            You missed a memorable experience. I think I still have dents in my forearm.

          • It woulda been a *lot* more memorable if I'd been there. Though not necessarily more *survivable* for some.

      • I think I love you. Because I read that, and vomited too.

    • Pragmatist2

      Placenta libel!!!!

  • Since it's clearly "Cat Day" here on Wonkette, I've changed my avatar. Also, my kitler is cuter than your kitler.

  • marconidarwin

    Wait, that is FOX Nation. Whew, almost was fooled.

    Obama probably looks like Dred Scott to them.

    • ALL of us look like Dred Scott to them.

      • bobbert

        Fuck, I probably look like Dred Scott to them.

        EITD to remind you that my albedo approaches that of Julian Assange.

        • Negropolis

          I, for one, fearfully welcome our albino underlords.

        • I was just reflecting upon the latter sentence while agreeing with the first.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Nah, Nat Turner. Much scarier.

  • The closest Ryan comes to resembling someone in Hollywood: he vaguely looks like guys I imagine functioning as key grip and gaffers on low budget porn sets in El Segundo.

    • Well thanks for the compliment!

    • Biff

      Where the sewer meets the sea!

    • HogeyeGrex

      And you don't want to know about the "Best Boy Grip" on those sorts of flicks.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      No wonder my wallet went missing.


    • foxpuppet

      Clearly, they couldn't afford one.

  • WhatTheHeck

    These Fox Nation twits better not work for the TSA or DHS or we are all screwed.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Hey, when I read this, I had a thought: let's see if my ass looks like Paul Ryan in the mirror….hmmm….nope, thoughtless grin goes the wrong way….oh well, thanks Fox Nation, for starting to make comparisons…..I'll try a fence post next….

    • Try taking a crap. I bet the result will look an AWFUL LOT like Ryan's hairstyle, if not the whole Ryan.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Try laying on your side. The grin might work better like that.

      And it's bound to be less painful than the fence post.

  • Angry_Marmot

    If you posit Paul Ryan as a parasitic twin, then maybe…

  • Damon has earnest.

    ZEGS just has cocky smug.

    No contest, and nothing remotely alike.

  • randcoolcatdaddy


  • Abernathy

    If you mean in the same way wheat is separated from chaff, then sure.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Fom Mitt Rmoney's point of view they ARE very similar, but his facial-recognition software is still pretty primitive you know.

    • NellCote71

      Romney's software can't even distinguish between people and corporations.

  • Nostrildamus

    Matt Damon = Jason Bourne = perfect killing machine = Paul Ryan !!!

  • It's the widow's peak and the b&w photos. And the man face. And a certain type of people bearing no attentiveness to detail whatsoever.

  • sullivanst

    Wonkette Nation asks: Why the fuck should anyone give a shit even if he did, which he doesn't?

    • ✓ Funny
      ✓ True

    • bobbert

      This is just more fucks for EQ to not give.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I heard Sarah Silverman gave some.

  • sullivanst

    The obvious subtext here: the side-by-side doesn't work in color, just further proof that Fox Nation sees everyone in black and white.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Ryan looks more like a spawn of George "Goober" Lindsey- who conveniently passed about three months ago. Conspiracy??

  • CommieLibunatic

    Wonkette, what gave you the idea that I can physically withstand this level of dumbfuckery?

  • Misty Malarky

    Nah – I'm going with the Paul Ryan – Anson 'Potsie' Williams resemblance.

    • Jesus, what the fuck IS that thing?

      Kill it! Kill it with FIAH. Er, votes. I meant votes, of course.

    • Potsie never had dead eyes. Besides, I wouldn't have had a cute 7-year-old crush on a guy with dead eyes. No way. Potsie was foxy!

  • Exhausted66

    It's funny because Paul Ryan ate his twin in utero.

    • There are critters that *do* that. And, unsurprisingly, they do look a lot like our resident ZEGS.

  • Wow, BeccaLou, that was COLD. Putting a po' li'l kitler through that gross-out comparison.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Eh, they're just trolling Matt Damon. Everyone knows that Fox hates him because he's liberal, articulate, and wealthy.

  • Goonemeritus

    The real test of Paul Ryan’s influence will be whether or not people will submit pictures of their cats to the internet in 60 years because they look like him.

  • Gleem McShineys
    • Blueb4sinrise

      That is excellent.

    • kittensdontlie

      Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He will haunt my dreams tonight, and the baby is almost as creepy. Well done!)

  • BZ1

    I don't think Matt Damon's yearbook says "biggest brown-noser".

  • He occasionally tries to hump the living room couch. It really pisses Ann off.

  • Barrelhse

    I squinted really hard to make it blurry and they STILL didn't bear the slightest resemblance to one another.

  • majicunderwear

    One of these two was unsuccessfully aborted,

  • wakamesalad

    Paul is definitely the Hugo Simpson

  • Ducksworthy

      I always said the fucker looked like li'l Eddie Munster.

    • A lot better, it's almost as if they are trying to cloud the seperated-at-birth water before it hits the mainstream. (Hearing the Munsters theme already)

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The wonkettes have become very kitty centric lately. Makes a big dog like me veeeery nervous.

    • Dogs are cats too, my friend.

    • Nyahahaha.

      That. Is. All.

    • emmelemm

      Can't we all just get along? Dogs and cats, living together…

      • And piglets?

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          They are more into the bear scene.

          • Like this?

          • sullivanst

            As an irregular Late Late Show viewer, I now feel compelled to say:

            Put the hooker in the closet

          • David Letterman:
            Paul Ryan used to have a job driving the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. So he and Mitt Romney have something in common. They've both driven a vehicle with a dog on the roof.

          • ZOMG, too fuckin' perfect.

        • emmelemm

          Well, some animals are more equal than others.

    • bobbert

      You think you're nervous? I have to remember how dogs work. I've agreed to take my ex's doggies for a couple months while she sells her house. (To be fair, they were our doggies, but that was seven years ago). My cat is gonna plotz.

      • Oh boy. Life's gonna be exciting in the bobbert household for a bit.

  • Sounds good. Need help?

  • horsedreamer_1

    In Ocean's 2012, Damon will nail Lisa Ann to create the ur-Veep.

  • …aaaand I believe that would be the right's last and final tie to reality…. they chewed through several of the final few in the last week alone.

    • NellCote71

      Meredith: I'm calling it. Time of death at 11:02.

  • This is how you do a separated at birth…

    First, there has to be some slight resemblance.

    Second, try to get two pictures where the face is similarly aligned and expressed:

    Eddie Munster or GTFO

    • sullivanst

      That is, indeed, how it's done. Golf clap. Bravo, good fellow.

    • IonaTrailer

      You know who else was separated at birth?

  • So Tired

    Is that really Matt Damon? Looks more like Shepard Smith.

  • beezie687

    Meh, my friends and I decided days ago that Paul Ryan looks like Matthew Morrison, the teacher guy from Glee.

  • smitallica

    The resemblance is uncanny.

    Wait, "uncanny" means "nonfuckingexistent unless you're a wingnut trying to put lipstick on your hateful pig of a VP nominee," right?

    • They're real sick of the Eddie Munster comparisons. Still; you'd think they could do better than this… must be hoping for a little of Damon's "Awesome Action Star Liberal" polish to rub off on Ryan's "Ugly SPLC Hate Group Watchlist NeoCon".

      • sullivanst

        Too bad their lame little tweet just caused so many links to be generated for Google to rank the Eddi Munster comparisons higher.

        • Unintended consequences. A Primer.

          • sullivanst

            The law of unintended consequences is item #12 on my list of important things about the world most "conservatives" entirely fail to understand.

  • ttommyunger

    Indeed they would have been separated at birth, if Matt were circumcised at that time.

  • ElPinche

    Try a loaf of white bread, pinche bolillos racistas.

  • rocktonsam

    it may be the weed talking here,Ryan looks more like the south end of Rafalca facing north and not winning the gold medal at the London Olympics

    • Barrelhse

      Pretty good weed, eh, rockt?

    • RadioBowels

      Wait, Rafalca likes to get HIGH?

  • misanthrope

    So yea me and the other girls in the typing pool decided we'd love a good hate fuck with Mr. Ryan. What's with the whole Paul Ryan name thing anyway? I thought only gay porn stars had two first names like that hmm.

  • mosjef

    Fox Nation and a bag full of hammers: separated at birth.

  • so the election's not over yet, huh?

    i may have to retreat to imdb movie trailers til then.

    or somewhere in eastern europe.

  • Barrelhse
    I'm not sure about the looks, but I know they have the same junk.

  • billy_reuben

    Paul Ryan looks just like my chocolate starfish.

  • I look a lot like Randy Travis.

    • Barrelhse

      I saw you buying cigarettes last week.

    • bobbert

      If you look as much like Randy Travis as Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon, you're in good shape.

  • SorosBot

    This reminds me to make one big announcement: I'm fucking Matt Damon

    • Oh. I thought you were, you know, coming out.

      No, wait, you're REALLY Matt Damon? (who is Matt Damon, btw?)

      • SorosBot

        Well considering that MissTaken and I are planning on moving in together in a little over two months, that would be a bit of an unpleasant surprise; so no.

        And I do hope you know who Matt Damon is; it's kind of hard not to.

        • YAY! Oh, baby! Babies! I am so fucking happy for you! OK, I have to dance around the room, which is tough with a gimpy leg. That is SO FUCKING GREAT! And I was RIGHT HERE when it happened. (Hugs you both with a fierce hug)

          You better not be takin' her away from here, bwah. You moving here, right?

          And no, I really have no fucking clue who Matt Damon is, except I'm pretty sure he's an actor. I tend to watch foreign movies and "art phillums" rather than Hollywood stuff, although now I have Netflix so I actually finally got to see MIB and Reservoir Dogs and all that shit.

          • SorosBot

            Yes, I'm moving out to SF; that part has me a little nervous, what with leaving all my friends and family. But I'd rather live in her world than live without her in mine. And thanks.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Just don't take the midnight train to Georgia – that's not the way to San Jose, much less San Francisco.

          • (Hugs you) Don't you worry. It'll be just fine. You two make each other happy already, and that's something not so easy to find. Go with your heart, baby, and keep making each other happy. May life smile upon the two of you always. I am so very happy for you both. Give her a hug and a kiss for me when you see her.

          • sullivanst

            Goodwill Hunting is on Netflix, if you ever feel like finding out who he is.

          • And you recommend this phillum? Do you recommend him as an actor? is he someone worth watching, like Heath Ledger was?

          • Well he bought a zoo. He can't be all bad.

          • This was worth reading (it's Twitter, so that's saying something). Remember, you gotta start at the very bottom and read upward.

          • Oh, my. If that's him, he looks awful familiar. Must've seen him in something. Thanks.

          • Funny and weird.

          • Dude, that didn't end so well.

          • It was a family movie so it has to end well. I can only think of a few family movies where everybody gets killed in the end.

          • I don't think I've watched a "family movie" since I became an adult. So he doesn't murder his wife and daughter and set their bodies on fire after releasing all the animals? Darn.

          • I think, Kagemusha is a family film and everyone gets slaughtered.

          • sullivanst

            I enjoyed it, it was a while ago though. Given your other viewing, seems less likely to be a waste of your time than the Bourne franchise.

    • bobbert
    • You're a lawyer, right? If yer job-hunting, I've got an old friend who is a lawyer up there. Works for a firm that specializes in labor issues, I think. Her partner is also a lawyer of some sort. Happy to pass on a resume if you need it.

      • SorosBot

        Thanks; I may take you up on that. After I take the Bar again – California doesn't do reciprocity with PA.

        • HistoriCat

          Don't let us down! Just remember – Orly Taitz passed the CA bar, so you can too.

  • Negropolis

    This is hilarious. It's Sarah "Ms. Palin if you're nasty" all over again. These bastards really are this shallow.

  • Misty Malarky

    I'm anxiously waiting for the porn flick PLYIN' RYAN.

    • RadioBowels

      Or Lyin' Ryan

      • sullivanst

        Wouldn't that be Laying Lyin' Ryan?

        • bobbert

          How about Nailin' Lyin' Ryan to the Wall*"?

          *with votes, natch

  • angelfoot

    Thank you Commie Girl, I needed that. Totally hilarious.

  • RadioBowels

    Hey guess who my dogs butt looks like?

    • Paul Ryan? Moist Romney?

      I can't see that good.

      • RadioBowels

        All anal winks look the same I guess.

        • Oh, am I looking at his round brown eye?

    • Nostrildamus
      • RadioBowels

        No, butt close. She's a mutt, so it's half Jew, half Mormon butt.

    • bobbert

      Ryan Paul?

  • Misty Malarky

    Since the Wonkette seems to go to bed (or pass out drunk in a pool of vomit) very early I'll add OT:

    R.I.P. Ron 'Horshack' Palilo.

    I had no idea he had a partner, Joseph Gramm, for 41 years.
    Good for you, Horshack.

    • Biff

      Among my favorite Sweathogs; RIP…

  • sullivanst

    I thought it was right under "Other Placentas".

    Maybe I need new glasses.

    • bobbert

      No, I think is was "All Placentas".

  • Negropolis

    Ryan's got the face only the mother of a serial killer could fear…errr…love.

  • angelfoot

    I think if we did an age progression Mr. Ryan would bear more than a passing resemblance to his fellow back-woodsy Wisconsinite , Ed Gein. Similar appetites also, too.

  • Like Siamese Twins? I did not know this before today.

  • Biff

    Been a lot of unfamiliar (to me, anyway) pop culture references on our Wonkette lately.

    • Oldz.

      • Biff

        I haz it.

        Gonna be at Laguna Seca from tomorrow through Sunday, yay for me!

        • That's pretty yaysome, lucky you. (Hugs Biff) Have a wunnerful time, make out with lots of pretty laydeez, and brag all about it right here when you get back. Hope the back's feeling better, baby.

          • Biff

            Prolly not a lotta single womens at the race track, but it'll be an awesome event, anyway.

            Back is doing OK, after taking a couple of weeks off, thanks…

          • Oh, do they HAZ to be single? Man, y'all are fussy.

            Good to hear about the back. We Oldz have to look out for each other.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          You off to the motorsports reunion thing? I haz the jealous.

          Went to that a couple of years ago. Best motorsports event I've ever been to. Walking around the pits and seeing everything from Nuvolari's Ferrari to a Saudia-Leyland-Williams F1 car to a Gulf Porsche 917 … I was in car-nerd heaven.

          Have a great time and share some pics!

          • Biff

            This year the Shelby Cobra is the featured marque. Too bad ol' Shel didn't live to be there.

  • Schmegeg

    I just pitched a script where Matt Damon and Paul Ryan undergo Face transplants with each other, and hilarity ensues. If I option Travolta and Cage, how can it miss??

  • I'm a big time Kurosawa Fan. I like Japanese movies in General. I don't know why because they are generally depressing and I'm generally a happy person.

    • Me too. I think he's one of the best directors ever.

      Happiness of the Katakuris is just the weirdest movie I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot). It's about a family that moves out into the countryside and buys an old house and sets up a B&B. It's kind of a musical, and has some very Sound-of-Music-like scenes. It's also very black and very funny. I highly recommend it.

      I think of most Japanese movies as realistic rather than depressing, although there's always stuff like Grave of the Fireflies, which if you don't want to put a bullet through your skull afterwards, you're probly the kind of horrible person who pulls wings off flies. Which I know you're not. (Hugs you)

      • foxpuppet

        Y'all need to watch some ramen westerns like Tampopo. I mean, Kurosawa's okay if you like that kinda genius-y thing…

        • Seen that. I'm not fussy. I'll watch pretty much anything as long as it's *realistic,* you know, about real life and real people. Korean film industry's putting out some amazing stuff of late.

      • I'll look into that.
        Hausu is wonderfully weird and cool. They show it a lot on Friday Nights on AMC. I also have it.
        Almost indescribable.
        "Fires on the Plain" Is pretty gruesome and depressing.

        • Sounds very interesting. Just read about Leyte, too. Thank you, will try to put on queue.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Separated at birth? I thought the meconium took a couple of days to work its way all out.

  • Negropolis

    You know what other cat had a serious case of the Mondays (i.e. clinical depression)?

    • DahBoner


    • HistoriCat

      Me, sometimes?

  • James Michael Curley

    The most significant similarity between Paul Ryan and Matt Damon is that Paul Ryan also hangs around with a bunch of viscous back stabbing apes.

  • dopper0189

    After Matt Damon gets bit by an eye zombie I bet they would look alike. Just add some zombie eyes to Matt and voila!

  • PuglyDoRight

    Matt Damon has an adorable button nose. Can't say the same for Ryan. Matt Damon has some talent. Can't say the same for Ryan.

    Should have been a pic of Eddie Munster.

    • viennawoods13

      Matt Damon has empathy for fellow human beings. Can't say the same for Ryan.

  • DahBoner

    Oh, sorry, that is Hitler.

    Hitler, Ayn Rand.

    Who can tell the difference when it's dark?

  • Actually, Matt Damon, in that picture, looks more like young Judy Garland. Makes more sense . . .

  • sullivanst

    I'm gonna go right ahead and assume you're both familiar with Sonatine

  • fitley

    Maybe closeted gays have a bone for Paul like they do for Matt Damon.

  • rockyoumonkeys

    Matt Damon looks more like Shep Smith in that picture.

  • dennis1943

    I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Matt Damons mom…..

  • carlgt1

    I'm old enough to remember when "Separated at Birth" was a feature of the paleo-Wonkette-ish "Spy" magazine —- and now 20-25 years later, Faux News uses it? Ugh….

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