Fox Nation Asks: Paul Ryan And Matt Damon, Separated At Birth?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Holy smokes, which one is which? How is it that nobody until now has noticed the eerie similarity between Hollywood Lieberal Matt Damon (“Matt Damon”) and beefy conservahunk and potential vice president of US America Paul Ryan? They have the same number of eyebrows … They both have hair … Hmmm. Is it possible they do not actually look like each other at all? NO, IDIOT. It is NOT.

Here are some things that look more like other things than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon (“Matt Damon”).


Here is a USB cord that looks more like a tampon than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.


Here is a laptop case that looks more like a pizza box than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.


Here is an oven mitt that looks more like a “like” than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.

Finally, this cat looks more like Paul Ryan than Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon.

Oh, sorry, that is Hitler.

[FoxNation Twitterz]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 400 comments }

DrunkIrishman August 14, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Yes … if Matt Damon's mother mated with The Count from Sesame Street.

SmutBoffin August 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

"Blah", indeed.

DaveJ August 14, 2012 at 7:02 pm

That sounds like some really bizarre but potentially hot fan-fic.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 14, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Would give a totally new meaning to the phrase "One ah ha ha!".

Boojum August 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm

That explains both his fascination with numbers and his view of people as food.

Mittens Howell, III August 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

She mated with Oscar? Oh, the COUNT from Sesame street. My bad.

Spurning Beer August 14, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Eddie Munster also looks just like Matt Damon.

lunchbox360 August 15, 2012 at 9:16 am

Yeah – If Matt Damon wore his ass on his face!!

UnholyMoses August 15, 2012 at 9:52 am

IMHO, the dude looks like a cross between Eddie Munster and Howdy Doody who was raised by a pack of wild Droopies.

But I'm color blind, so …

savethispatient August 14, 2012 at 6:33 pm

All white people look the same to Fox Nation, the racists.

ChillBill August 14, 2012 at 6:58 pm

According to Fox Nation, Barack Obama looks just like Samuel L. Jackson.

James Michael Curley August 14, 2012 at 10:27 pm

"I've had enough of these motherf*ckin' journalists on this motherf*ckin' station."

sewollef August 15, 2012 at 7:09 am

"All white people look the same to Fox Nation, the racists."

Is Matt Damon white…? Well of course I don't notice colour or silly things like that.

emmelemm August 14, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Toldja the Repubs think he's dreamy dreamy handsome.

OldWhiteLies August 14, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I'll grant you that ZEGS has that Stepford thing going – creepy bright eyes and plastic smile under a helmet of hair.

ibwilliamsi August 14, 2012 at 7:47 pm

That's only because they've been ogling Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich all these years.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 14, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Well, that finishes off my sex drive once and for all.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Uh … urk. Guess I'm not having any dinner, either.

NellCote71 August 14, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Don't forget Ann Coulter, although I wish I could.

starfanglednut August 14, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Ech!

ahnc August 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm

FoxNation gets paid for this? Sign me up.

SmutBoffin August 14, 2012 at 6:52 pm

GECKOS FUCK YEAH

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Oh, man, there's TWO of you lipless lizardoids in here!

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Joe the Snarker.

zippy_w_pinhead August 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Butch Patrick libel!!!

OneYieldRegular August 14, 2012 at 8:18 pm

SPY magazine libel!!!

bumfug August 14, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Wow! Like the Bourne ads say, "There was never just one!"

Serolf_Divad August 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

So did Ryan forget he was an Ayn Rand worshipping Objectivist douchebag the same way Jason Bourne forgot his own name in the first movie?

savethispatient August 14, 2012 at 6:36 pm

That's nothing, I've got a turnip that's shaped like a thingy! And sadly, a thingy that's shaped like a turnip.

CapnFatback August 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm

What a truly cunning plan, master!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Do you serve your turnip raw, as God intended?

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Elizabethan schmuck!

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Schmuck, putz, it's all the same thing.

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 8:36 pm

First time I ever snuck a British TV reference past you.

rmjagg August 14, 2012 at 6:53 pm

is ' a thingy ' code for a body part , more commonly called ' an ayn ryan ' ?

starfanglednut August 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Dude, you should get that looked at.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Hey, sweetpea! (kisses the little star)

starfanglednut August 14, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Hi Z! How are yur tomatoes? How are you feeling?

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Hey, darlin'! I got my first two beautiful, ripe Cherokee Purples. One of them is a double handful. HUGE. The Early Clear Pinks came in, very tasty, more to come in the week. We've had one San Marzano so far, but they're turning orange already, so it's tomato feast time at the old homestead. I'm feeling pretty good. Harvested nearly a dozen cucumbers, the beans are growing, I put in some chard and arugula, and basella rubra, aka Malabar spinach, so my botanical experiments are going great guns (so to speak). Very pleased about that.

I like to do that, grow different plants under different conditions with different soil mixes and then take notes throughout the season. And you? What's up, beautiful?

bobbert August 14, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Pure poetry.

WhatTheHeck August 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I’m no cook, but one of them is vegetable and the other is all meat… in case you were confused.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:16 pm

We're going to need to *talk.* (packs camera)

succalina August 14, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Matt Damon looks like he was coming down from a meth binge in that pic. Whoops, I meant coke binge. Wrong decade.

AncienReggie August 14, 2012 at 6:40 pm

No, no, my young friend. There was plenty of meth back then. And reasonably priced!

starfanglednut August 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I think it was a different drug then though.

bobbert August 14, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Now, don't get cranky.

valgal2342 August 14, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Free Base! It's a wonder it's not on the Tea Party Freedom agenda.
But then again, they'd think it was a baseball term. Wait, what?

UW8316154 August 14, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Yes. It was cleaner and better.

shelwood46 August 14, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Meth Damon Libel! (No, really, on Breaking Bad the character known as Todd, AKA Landry, is known as Meth Damon on all the right Blog Boards.)

docteur_giraud August 14, 2012 at 6:38 pm

If they'd thought about it, there are other movie stars who actually resemble Ryan. But if the "they" at Fox Nation "thought," their heads would explode.

Also: Kitler is kinda cute.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I have a serious lifetime crush on white cats with little black moustaches.

Geminisunmars August 14, 2012 at 9:34 pm

My parents had a little white kitty with a mustache they named Bigote.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Adorable!

We only ever had the one white kitty, and she thought she was our mother. When my mother would yell at us, she would climb up the stairs, face off with Mom, and meow at her till she stopped. She also loved grooming our hair, and would walk to the bus stop to pick my little brother up after school.

zippy_w_pinhead August 14, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Matt Damon, Paul Demon- I can see where they're coming from…

qwerty42 August 14, 2012 at 6:38 pm

I thought it was Kitler.

zippy_w_pinhead August 14, 2012 at 6:44 pm

off Kitler

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:14 pm

ISWYDT.

DoucheWillis August 14, 2012 at 6:38 pm

I'm sorry Fox Nation, the person you were thinking of is Gabe from The Office. Missed by a goddamn mile.

marconidarwin August 14, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Maybe that's the problem. They should not be thinking of a person. A slug, or some moist creature may spark some resemblance.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Hmm. I *do* have an overpowering urge to pour salt on him …

billy_reuben August 14, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Steve Carrel's character looks just Scott Walker

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Yeah, but The Office started sucking right about the time Gabe joined the cast; while the GOP has sucked since long before Ryan was around. Still, I've always suspected that Gabe might be the real Scranton Strangler – that's just like Ryan really.

CheeseBro69 August 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm

My yearbook photograph is grainy and black&white too.
I guess that means I look like Matt Damon and Paul Ryan.

Score!

Chow Yun Flat August 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm

The original story was "Paul Ryan and Ronald Reagan: Separated at Birth?" but that was too obvious at this early stage of the game.

foxpuppet August 14, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Fox shied away from something that was 'too obvious'? Huh! Guess there's a first time for everything…

Boojum August 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm

My poop looks a LOT like Paul Ryan.

Mittens Howell, III August 14, 2012 at 7:11 pm

You might wanna get that checked out.

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:14 pm

You'll get a coupon for that.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:14 pm

For Grey Poupon?

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Damn, you were right on top of me.
I <3 Boo's comment. It might not be #1, but it certainly is #2 in my world.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I was just thinking the same thing.

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:14 pm

BLOODY STOOL LIBEL!

Buzz Feedback August 14, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Potsie Weber and Paul Ryan separated at birth?

coolhandnuke August 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Ryan looks like Michael Stipe's frat boy douchebag date rapey doppleganger.

Sorry Mr. Stipe, you still rock….(heads off to find Murmur cassette tape)

foxpuppet August 14, 2012 at 10:16 pm

If you're a Michael Stipe fan, you might like this song he did with the Golden Palominos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I6UpF6UHWg

Negropolis August 14, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Now, that is a creative reference, my friend.

Hammiepants August 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Seriously, wtf? Are they smoking crack over there? They look as much alike as Mittens and Rafalca…oh wait….

Maman August 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I was separated at birth from Gwyneth Paltrow. Ask anyone.

Angry_Marmot August 14, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I was separated at pubescence from one of the neighbor girls.

glasspusher August 14, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I wouldn't want to separate from Gwyneth Paltrow until she had given birth, and maybe not even then…

edgydrifter August 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

To be fair, nobody has ever accused Fox Nation of being terribly bright or perceptive.

ChillBill August 14, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Paul Ryan totally looks like Matt Damon…in "Team America."

nifflersghost August 14, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I'm trying to frame a witty comment here but it's like making fun of a homeless person for rooting around in the garbage.

Matt Damon and Paul Ryan look similar to each other in the sense that they both have skeletons.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:25 pm

You know, that wasn't too bad at all. Stick around, I sense greatness in your future.

Negropolis August 14, 2012 at 11:53 pm

I don't know, even that's debatable for Ryan. Where's his fuckin' backbone?

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 12:30 am

Assumes facts not in evidence.

nifflersghost August 15, 2012 at 1:01 am

Well, rudimentary calceous frameworks of some kind. Look, I'm trying to give Ryan all I can. I can't just refer to him as an inflamed scrotum pimple. Damon doesn't have one of those, as far as I know.

CapnFatback August 14, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Well, I'm sure it looked that way as each emerged from the birth canal, but you have to remember that Matt Damon was a breech baby.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Shave Paul's butt and make him walk backwards?

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Nah, then everyone would call him Mr. Rove.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:54 pm

You *wound* me, BB. Oh, wait, that's not me, that's PorcineKarl. Carry on, then.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 12:29 am

Nice serve and volley.

CrunchyKnee August 14, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I picked a jalapeno out of my garden today that had a small "arm." It had more personality than Paul Ryan.

Serolf_Divad August 14, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I sat on a whoopie cushion whose budget projections were more realistic than Paul Ryan's.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Maybe you should try to get it to grow another arm. We'll substitute it for Paul Ryan and see if Mitt Romney notices.

zippy_w_pinhead August 14, 2012 at 9:16 pm

so you're saying that your jalapeño killed Dr Kimble's wife?

NellCote71 August 14, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Ahh. Well played.

SmutBoffin August 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm

It appears that Ryan has always been a thin-lipped lizard person.

CapnFatback August 14, 2012 at 6:48 pm

So sayeth the licking reptile . . .

SmutBoffin August 14, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I AM A HERPET-AMERICAN YOU RACIST

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Speciesist, Smutty.

imissopus August 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Both of them look like the pictures of victims you see in all those true-crime books about dead Seattle hookers.

zippy_w_pinhead August 14, 2012 at 6:53 pm

the Seattle Seahookers, looking to shore up the NFC West and beat their arch nemesis, the San Francisco 69ers

Callyson August 14, 2012 at 7:14 pm

They better watch for the come from behind win by the St Louis Rams…

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Alas, with the Rams, it's always come from behind or don't come at all.

(Usually the latter.)

horsedreamer_1 August 14, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I'll have you know, Georgia Frontiere was damp as a wet sponge in her later years.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 14, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Otherwise the victory might go to the Cleveland Browns and their steam train.

UW8316154 August 14, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Oh Em Gee! Ryan DOES have a resemblance to Ted Bundy!!
I knew I'd seen that face before.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Ann Rule RULES.

Callyson August 14, 2012 at 6:48 pm

That's it, FOX, emphasize how youthful Ayn Ryan looks…the Reeps are already pissed that their "Obama has no real world experience" rant has been rendered meaningless by your VP pick.

Next up on FOX: how Ryan's membership in the Model United Nations means he has foreign policy experience…

jaytingle August 14, 2012 at 7:17 pm

There's a United Nation for models? Is that 'cause of Benetton?

comrad_darkness August 15, 2012 at 9:24 am

That's their MO. Don't you remember two weeks after whining that Obama was such a celebrity, they were all ZOMG, Sarah is such a celebrity, swoon!

imissopus August 14, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Also is it my Google Chrome browser or is the formatting of this post just off, so the captions are next to the wrong pictures? REBECCA!!!!!!

commiegirl99 August 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I HAVE FIXED IT!

imissopus August 14, 2012 at 7:01 pm

No need to be shouty.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Watch it, dude. 'BeccaLou can kick some ass when she wants to. I hear she can tie knots in a man's testicles with just her tongue.

starfanglednut August 14, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Fap?

Negropolis August 14, 2012 at 11:57 pm

No need to be a dick about it.

That is, of course, unless you were snarking.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:07 am

Snarking.

Sharkey August 14, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Here is a shark that looks more like a dick.

HogeyeGrex August 15, 2012 at 1:43 am

I don't know. It's pretty hard to look more like a dick than Paul Ryan.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 14, 2012 at 6:49 pm

I'm sorry…, now which one slept with Jennifer Aniston?

bobbert August 14, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Callyson August 14, 2012 at 7:25 pm

“The Proof Is In The Penis.”

http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-proof-is-in-th

Negropolis August 14, 2012 at 11:59 pm

All of them, Katie. Who hasn't slept with Jennifer Aniston is the question.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 1:16 am

Technically, I believe "who gives a fuck?" is the question.

Negropolis August 15, 2012 at 2:59 am

Well, if she gave me a fuck I'd care. But, only then.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 14, 2012 at 6:50 pm

You know what else Paul Ryan looks like?

SayItWithWookies August 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm

A cod after three days in the bottom of the boat?

fartknocker August 14, 2012 at 7:02 pm

The ass of an ass?

Mittens Howell, III August 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm

The sweaty interior of Ayn Rand's girdle?

Callyson August 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Ted Bundy?

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Ted Bundy's younger brother Ron, who wasn't actually charming enough to get any young coeds into his van. Thank goodness.

anniegetyerfun August 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm

A failed Vice Presidential candidate?

foxpuppet August 14, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Deserves far more upfists than this!!!

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Yes, but I'm not allowed to repeat it in polite company.

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 9:20 pm

[/looks around the room]

Heh?

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I know, really, whatthefuck was I thinking, this is the crowd that faps to buttsechs and chewing gum.

foxpuppet August 14, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Mmmmm, chewing gummmm…

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 14, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Ronald Reagan's rotting root?

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:52 pm

It took me this long to work up the courage to reply, because I was that overcome by the grossness of that image.

Did ever alliteration get put to such abuse?

Fred_Wertham_Jr August 15, 2012 at 12:10 am

It felt like God was typing through me.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:14 am

Hey, it was good, I was just being envious.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 1:14 am

Obligatory observation that that would be a hella band name.

horsedreamer_1 August 14, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Indiana Unversity men's coach Tom Crean?

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Hoosier libel! That's not a widow's peak, that's an attempt at hiding a receding hairline.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 14, 2012 at 10:15 pm

The kind of guy that requests lotion application in the third person?

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 11:19 pm

A male version of Sarah Palin?

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Dick Cheney?

Negropolis August 15, 2012 at 12:01 am

Hitler-Jugend?

HogeyeGrex August 15, 2012 at 1:47 am

The tampon?

Designer_Rants August 14, 2012 at 6:51 pm

How dare they say Matt Damon looks like a sociopath!

Sharkey August 14, 2012 at 6:52 pm

And what I mean by that is that Paul Ryan is not handsome. NOT!

SayItWithWookies August 14, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Michael Scott is more like it. Not Steve Carrell, mind you, but the character played by him.

shelwood46 August 14, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Nuh-uh. Gabe.

CountryClubJihadi August 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Good NIL Hunting.

coolhandnuke August 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm

The only thing Damon and Ryan remotely share in common is Damon was "Saving Private Ryan" and Ryan is 'Saving Privatzing Ryan."

Angry_Marmot August 14, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Don't forget the porn version, "Shaving Ryan's Privates".

BoatOfVelociraptors August 14, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Please tell me this doesn't involve a Rand/Greenspan scene.

Tequila Mockingbird August 14, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Did Paul Ryan go to Hah-vahd? Did he make his debut in Mystic Pizza? Does he make sexytime with Ben Affleck?

glasspusher August 14, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Does he?

rmjagg August 14, 2012 at 6:59 pm

a ryan ayn comparison with debbie reynolds I could see

Tequila Mockingbird August 14, 2012 at 7:01 pm

The re-tweets on this are pretty hilarious:

≡≡ miketheburrito ≡≡‏@miketheburrito
@foxnation You Suck Turds

David Matthews‏@_dmatthews
@foxnation That's impossible since they have different birthdays. Who is fact-checking this stuff for you?

Mike Scourby‏@brooklynkid1951
@foxnation not even close, Ryan is believed to be the love child of an incestuous relationship between the Koch brothers.

SmutBoffin August 14, 2012 at 7:07 pm

"You Suck Turds" has a taut elegance to it.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I taut it was pretty fucking elegant meself.

starfanglednut August 14, 2012 at 8:55 pm

A tautology?

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Tee hee.

glasspusher August 14, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Tautomerization.

horsedreamer_1 August 14, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Which David Matthews, the singer or the sports blogger?

Sharkey August 14, 2012 at 7:04 pm

If this is what idiots do with Twitter, just imagine what they'll do with Facebook.

Callyson August 14, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Buy its stock?

Mittens Howell, III August 14, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Paul Ryan was spawned from genetic material taken from a rotting piece of meat lodged in Ayn Rand's teeth.

HogeyeGrex August 15, 2012 at 1:51 am

Which set?

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 1:56 am

Government-funded dentures, I'll bet…

HogeyeGrex August 15, 2012 at 2:16 am

I should have specified. Dentition, or Dentata?

proudgrampa August 14, 2012 at 7:09 pm

People tell me I look just like George Clooney. Seriously.

With a pot belly and a bald head. But seriously.

ProgressiveInga August 14, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I was once told that I look like a desperate housewife.

True story.

proudgrampa August 14, 2012 at 8:04 pm

The cute one, I presume.

ProgressiveInga August 14, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I am pretty sure they were not talking about the television show…

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Listen, George Clooney is SO fucking sexy that he would look just fine with a pot belly and a bald head. Rumour is, George Clooney *invented* sex.

proudgrampa August 14, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Well. I got 10 years on George. So that means I invented sex. And the Internet, too. Also.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Godammit, everybody gets to the party before me.

Boojum August 15, 2012 at 2:55 am

Al?

finallyhappy August 14, 2012 at 8:35 pm

People think I look like their aunt, their mom's best friend, their neighbor when they were growing up, some girl from their junior high in Oregon- when I really look almost exactly like the young Jennifer Garner(in the same sense that Ryan looks like Damon- well, more so for me- Jennifer and I are both human)

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Me at nineteen: my girlfriend says I look like Robby Benson

Me at forty five: my wife says I look like Rick Moranis. (MyHeritage.com backs it up)

Designer_Rants August 14, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Ryan: "Honey, I Shrunk The Middle Class"

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 10:42 pm

TWEEEEET EEET!!

bikerlaureate August 14, 2012 at 10:51 pm

That's awfully hard to live vicariously through. Don't let me down.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Nice! You just got me thinking. Ryan doesn't look like Damon. He looks like Damien. The creepy Satany kiddy in Omen.

horsedreamer_1 August 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm

So, tell people your Syriana period Clooney.

barto August 14, 2012 at 7:10 pm

separated by a crowbar, most likely….

ManchuCandidate August 14, 2012 at 7:13 pm

One is a portrayed as a brain dead asshole and the other only plays one on the screen.

edgydrifter August 14, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Separated at birth? I guess that would make Paul Ryan a reasonably handsome placenta.

bobbert August 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm

And YOU get an internet.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

He does have that wavy sort of head configuration, don't he?

finallyhappy August 14, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Have I told my placenta story here before- I'll tell it again. After a difficult birth, the nurse insisted on showing me my son's placenta because it "was his home for 9 months". I saw it and then vomited. Thank you for listening

Lascauxcaveman August 14, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I shot video of my sister planting her daughter's placenta under an orange tree, a sort of hippie-yoga thing she'd read about, and decided she had to do it.

She had to thaw it out; it had been in her freezer for almost 3 years.

I'm not kidding.

NellCote71 August 14, 2012 at 10:19 pm

TMI.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 14, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Placentas are just meat interfaces, so that your body doesn't recognize the foreign body with different DNA inside you, harvesting your bodily nutrients. After the kid spends enough time floating in his own pee and kicking you from the inside, you get to poop it out. Apparently some people are sticklers for the precise co-ordinates of the child-pooping act.
They're all like
"On this side of the line, the just-pooped out baby gets these rights."
"on the other side of the line, the fresh-pooped baby doesn't get those rights."

Humans are weird.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I don't even *want* to know the details, man. It happens. I can live with that part.

Negropolis August 15, 2012 at 12:23 am

Placentas are just meat interfaces, so that your body doesn't recognize the foreign body with different DNA inside you, harvesting your bodily nutrients.

You sure you're not Romney? That sounds like how he would describe childbirth. lol

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 3:14 am

Well, given that much of your digestive tract is a symbiotic colony of bacteria, it seems to be an eminently accurate description. It's just the border birthing issue that is freaky. The notion that popping out on a side of a line defines you, when you haven't even learned how to do much more than cry, suck boob, and sleep, that this somehow defines you for a lifetime is weird.

Sure, we could judge you by your 25 year resume, and credit score and your degrees and papers, but first, what side of this line did you pop out of your momma?

The entire premise seems ridiculous.

Designer_Rants August 14, 2012 at 10:36 pm

The last time you told the placenta story, was that the last time I told the story about cutting my daughter's umbilical cord? I looked all sweaty and crazy (I have the pictures) and just saw a baby come out of my wife for the first time. I was about to cut the cord when some nurse in the background said in a shrill-and-trolling voice; "Don't cut the baybee!". So I murdered everyone.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I've never been present. My BestGirl's mum asked me to be, and I said, "I'll puke and pass out, hit my head on the hospital bed, fracture my skull, lapse into a coma, and leave blood and DNA contaminant all over you. Plus, you'll be having the kid without any help. You decide." She went without me.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 1:12 am

You missed a memorable experience. I think I still have dents in my forearm.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I think I love you. Because I read that, and vomited too.

Pragmatist2 August 14, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Placenta libel!!!!

Self-Uploader August 14, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Since it's clearly "Cat Day" here on Wonkette, I've changed my avatar. Also, my kitler is cuter than your kitler.

Barrelhse August 14, 2012 at 8:52 pm
marconidarwin August 14, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Wait, that is FOX Nation. Whew, almost was fooled.

Obama probably looks like Dred Scott to them.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:02 pm

ALL of us look like Dred Scott to them.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 12:27 am

Fuck, I probably look like Dred Scott to them.

EITD to remind you that my albedo approaches that of Julian Assange.

Negropolis August 15, 2012 at 12:33 am

I, for one, fearfully welcome our albino underlords.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:34 am

I was just reflecting upon the latter sentence while agreeing with the first.

BerkeleyBear August 14, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Nah, Nat Turner. Much scarier.

mrblifil August 14, 2012 at 7:20 pm

The closest Ryan comes to resembling someone in Hollywood: he vaguely looks like guys I imagine functioning as key grip and gaffers on low budget porn sets in El Segundo.

Sharkey August 14, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Well thanks for the compliment!

Biff August 15, 2012 at 1:43 am

Where the sewer meets the sea!

HogeyeGrex August 15, 2012 at 1:58 am

And you don't want to know about the "Best Boy Grip" on those sorts of flicks.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 15, 2012 at 4:35 am

No wonder my wallet went missing.

deanbooth August 14, 2012 at 7:24 pm

SHOW US YOUR BLIND CERTIFICATE!!!

foxpuppet August 14, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Clearly, they couldn't afford one.

WhatTheHeck August 14, 2012 at 7:24 pm

These Fox Nation twits better not work for the TSA or DHS or we are all screwed.

Toomush_Infer August 14, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Hey, when I read this, I had a thought: let's see if my ass looks like Paul Ryan in the mirror….hmmm….nope, thoughtless grin goes the wrong way….oh well, thanks Fox Nation, for starting to make comparisons…..I'll try a fence post next….

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Try taking a crap. I bet the result will look an AWFUL LOT like Ryan's hairstyle, if not the whole Ryan.

HogeyeGrex August 15, 2012 at 2:00 am

Try laying on your side. The grin might work better like that.

And it's bound to be less painful than the fence post.

Angry_Marmot August 14, 2012 at 7:26 pm

If you posit Paul Ryan as a parasitic twin, then maybe…

OldWhiteLies August 14, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Damon has earnest.

ZEGS just has cocky smug.

No contest, and nothing remotely alike.

randcoolcatdaddy August 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

KITTY LIBEL!!

Abernathy August 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

If you mean in the same way wheat is separated from chaff, then sure.

BlueStateLibel August 14, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Fom Mitt Rmoney's point of view they ARE very similar, but his facial-recognition software is still pretty primitive you know.

NellCote71 August 14, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Romney's software can't even distinguish between people and corporations.

Nostrildamus August 14, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Matt Damon = Jason Bourne = perfect killing machine = Paul Ryan !!!

smokefilledroommate August 14, 2012 at 7:45 pm

It's the widow's peak and the b&w photos. And the man face. And a certain type of people bearing no attentiveness to detail whatsoever.

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Wonkette Nation asks: Why the fuck should anyone give a shit even if he did, which he doesn't?

smokefilledroommate August 14, 2012 at 7:51 pm

✓ Funny
✓ True

bobbert August 14, 2012 at 8:10 pm

This is just more fucks for EQ to not give.

BoatOfVelociraptors August 14, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I heard Sarah Silverman gave some.

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 7:46 pm

The obvious subtext here: the side-by-side doesn't work in color, just further proof that Fox Nation sees everyone in black and white.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Score!

GeorgiaBurning August 14, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Ryan looks more like a spawn of George "Goober" Lindsey- who conveniently passed about three months ago. Conspiracy??

CommieLibunatic August 14, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Wonkette, what gave you the idea that I can physically withstand this level of dumbfuckery?

Misty Malarky August 14, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Nah – I'm going with the Paul Ryan – Anson 'Potsie' Williams resemblance.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Jesus, what the fuck IS that thing?

Kill it! Kill it with FIAH. Er, votes. I meant votes, of course.

smokefilledroommate August 14, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Potsie never had dead eyes. Besides, I wouldn't have had a cute 7-year-old crush on a guy with dead eyes. No way. Potsie was foxy!

Exhausted66 August 14, 2012 at 7:53 pm

It's funny because Paul Ryan ate his twin in utero.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:31 pm

There are critters that *do* that. And, unsurprisingly, they do look a lot like our resident ZEGS.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Wow, BeccaLou, that was COLD. Putting a po' li'l kitler through that gross-out comparison.

anniegetyerfun August 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Eh, they're just trolling Matt Damon. Everyone knows that Fox hates him because he's liberal, articulate, and wealthy.

Goonemeritus August 14, 2012 at 8:17 pm

The real test of Paul Ryan’s influence will be whether or not people will submit pictures of their cats to the internet in 60 years because they look like him.

Gleem McShineys August 14, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Blueb4sinrise August 14, 2012 at 8:37 pm

That is excellent.

kittensdontlie August 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He will haunt my dreams tonight, and the baby is almost as creepy. Well done!)

BZ1 August 14, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I don't think Matt Damon's yearbook says "biggest brown-noser".

starfanglednut August 14, 2012 at 8:49 pm

He occasionally tries to hump the living room couch. It really pisses Ann off.

Barrelhse August 14, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I squinted really hard to make it blurry and they STILL didn't bear the slightest resemblance to one another.

majicunderwear August 14, 2012 at 8:57 pm

One of these two was unsuccessfully aborted,

wakamesalad August 14, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Paul is definitely the Hugo Simpson

Ducksworthy August 14, 2012 at 9:17 pm
MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:28 pm

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

I always said the fucker looked like li'l Eddie Munster.

iburl August 14, 2012 at 9:39 pm

A lot better, it's almost as if they are trying to cloud the seperated-at-birth water before it hits the mainstream. (Hearing the Munsters theme already)

BigSkullF*ckingDog August 14, 2012 at 9:22 pm

The wonkettes have become very kitty centric lately. Makes a big dog like me veeeery nervous.

johnnyzhivago August 14, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Dogs are cats too, my friend.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Nyahahaha.

That. Is. All.

emmelemm August 14, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Can't we all just get along? Dogs and cats, living together…

Designer_Rants August 14, 2012 at 10:17 pm

And piglets?

BoatOfVelociraptors August 14, 2012 at 10:44 pm

They are more into the bear scene.

Designer_Rants August 14, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Like this?

emmelemm August 15, 2012 at 2:29 am

Well, some animals are more equal than others.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 1:07 am

You think you're nervous? I have to remember how dogs work. I've agreed to take my ex's doggies for a couple months while she sells her house. (To be fair, they were our doggies, but that was seven years ago). My cat is gonna plotz.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:33 am

Oh boy. Life's gonna be exciting in the bobbert household for a bit.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Sounds good. Need help?

La_Cieca August 14, 2012 at 9:28 pm
horsedreamer_1 August 14, 2012 at 9:29 pm

In Ocean's 2012, Damon will nail Lisa Ann to create the ur-Veep.

iburl August 14, 2012 at 9:32 pm

…aaaand I believe that would be the right's last and final tie to reality…. they chewed through several of the final few in the last week alone.

NellCote71 August 14, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Meredith: I'm calling it. Time of death at 11:02.

iburl August 14, 2012 at 9:37 pm

This is how you do a separated at birth…

First, there has to be some slight resemblance.

Second, try to get two pictures where the face is similarly aligned and expressed: http://iburl2000.tumblr.com/post/29448749460/mitt

Eddie Munster or GTFO

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 11:55 pm

That is, indeed, how it's done. Golf clap. Bravo, good fellow.

IonaTrailer August 15, 2012 at 12:23 am

You know who else was separated at birth? http://ionatrailer.tumblr.com/

So Tired August 14, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Is that really Matt Damon? Looks more like Shepard Smith.

beezie687 August 14, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Meh, my friends and I decided days ago that Paul Ryan looks like Matthew Morrison, the teacher guy from Glee.

smitallica August 14, 2012 at 9:50 pm

The resemblance is uncanny.

Wait, "uncanny" means "nonfuckingexistent unless you're a wingnut trying to put lipstick on your hateful pig of a VP nominee," right?

Designer_Rants August 14, 2012 at 10:24 pm

They're real sick of the Eddie Munster comparisons. Still; you'd think they could do better than this… must be hoping for a little of Damon's "Awesome Action Star Liberal" polish to rub off on Ryan's "Ugly SPLC Hate Group Watchlist NeoCon".

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 12:00 am

Too bad their lame little tweet just caused so many links to be generated for Google to rank the Eddi Munster comparisons higher.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:06 am

Unintended consequences. A Primer.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 9:06 am

The law of unintended consequences is item #12 on my list of important things about the world most "conservatives" entirely fail to understand.

ttommyunger August 14, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Indeed they would have been separated at birth, if Matt were circumcised at that time.

ElPinche August 14, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Try a loaf of white bread, pinche bolillos racistas.

rocktonsam August 14, 2012 at 10:08 pm

it may be the weed talking here,Ryan looks more like the south end of Rafalca facing north and not winning the gold medal at the London Olympics

Barrelhse August 14, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Pretty good weed, eh, rockt?

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Wait, Rafalca likes to get HIGH?

misanthrope August 14, 2012 at 10:18 pm

So yea me and the other girls in the typing pool decided we'd love a good hate fuck with Mr. Ryan. What's with the whole Paul Ryan name thing anyway? I thought only gay porn stars had two first names like that hmm.

Designer_Rants August 14, 2012 at 10:39 pm

This should help the fantasy along (the 'hate' part of "hate fuck", anyway).
http://goo.gl/zlJKF

mosjef August 14, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Fox Nation and a bag full of hammers: separated at birth.

fuflans August 14, 2012 at 10:41 pm

so the election's not over yet, huh?

i may have to retreat to imdb movie trailers til then.

or somewhere in eastern europe.

Barrelhse August 14, 2012 at 10:46 pm

http://jonwhy.com/images/portraits/rand.jpg
I'm not sure about the looks, but I know they have the same junk.

billy_reuben August 14, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Paul Ryan looks just like my chocolate starfish.

DerrickWildcat August 14, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I look a lot like Randy Travis.

Barrelhse August 14, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I saw you buying cigarettes last week.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 1:18 am

If you look as much like Randy Travis as Paul Ryan looks like Matt Damon, you're in good shape.

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 11:13 pm

This reminds me to make one big announcement: I'm fucking Matt Damon

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Oh. I thought you were, you know, coming out.

No, wait, you're REALLY Matt Damon? (who is Matt Damon, btw?)

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Well considering that MissTaken and I are planning on moving in together in a little over two months, that would be a bit of an unpleasant surprise; so no.

And I do hope you know who Matt Damon is; it's kind of hard not to.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:49 pm

YAY! Oh, baby! Babies! I am so fucking happy for you! OK, I have to dance around the room, which is tough with a gimpy leg. That is SO FUCKING GREAT! And I was RIGHT HERE when it happened. (Hugs you both with a fierce hug)

You better not be takin' her away from here, bwah. You moving here, right?

And no, I really have no fucking clue who Matt Damon is, except I'm pretty sure he's an actor. I tend to watch foreign movies and "art phillums" rather than Hollywood stuff, although now I have Netflix so I actually finally got to see MIB and Reservoir Dogs and all that shit.

SorosBot August 14, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Yes, I'm moving out to SF; that part has me a little nervous, what with leaving all my friends and family. But I'd rather live in her world than live without her in mine. And thanks.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 12:24 am

Goodwill Hunting is on Netflix, if you ever feel like finding out who he is.

bobbert August 14, 2012 at 11:35 pm
imissopus August 15, 2012 at 12:15 am

You're a lawyer, right? If yer job-hunting, I've got an old friend who is a lawyer up there. Works for a firm that specializes in labor issues, I think. Her partner is also a lawyer of some sort. Happy to pass on a resume if you need it.

SorosBot August 15, 2012 at 12:36 am

Thanks; I may take you up on that. After I take the Bar again – California doesn't do reciprocity with PA.

HistoriCat August 15, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Don't let us down! Just remember – Orly Taitz passed the CA bar, so you can too.

Negropolis August 14, 2012 at 11:14 pm

This is hilarious. It's Sarah "Ms. Palin if you're nasty" all over again. These bastards really are this shallow.

Misty Malarky August 14, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I'm anxiously waiting for the porn flick PLYIN' RYAN.

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Or Lyin' Ryan

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 12:26 am

Wouldn't that be Laying Lyin' Ryan?

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 12:31 am

How about Nailin' Lyin' Ryan to the Wall*"?

*with votes, natch

angelfoot August 14, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Thank you Commie Girl, I needed that. Totally hilarious.

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Hey guess who my dogs butt looks like?

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Paul Ryan? Moist Romney?

I can't see that good.

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:51 pm

All anal winks look the same I guess.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:33 am

Oh, am I looking at his round brown eye?

Nostrildamus August 14, 2012 at 11:56 pm
RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 12:35 am

No, butt close. She's a mutt, so it's half Jew, half Mormon butt.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 1:08 am

Ryan Paul?

Misty Malarky August 15, 2012 at 12:07 am

Since the Wonkette seems to go to bed (or pass out drunk in a pool of vomit) very early I'll add OT:

R.I.P. Ron 'Horshack' Palilo.

I had no idea he had a partner, Joseph Gramm, for 41 years.
Good for you, Horshack.

Biff August 15, 2012 at 1:58 am

Among my favorite Sweathogs; RIP…

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 12:11 am

I thought it was right under "Other Placentas".

Maybe I need new glasses.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 12:24 am

No, I think is was "All Placentas".

Negropolis August 15, 2012 at 12:25 am

Ryan's got the face only the mother of a serial killer could fear…errr…love.

angelfoot August 15, 2012 at 12:26 am

I think if we did an age progression Mr. Ryan would bear more than a passing resemblance to his fellow back-woodsy Wisconsinite , Ed Gein. Similar appetites also, too.

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 1:21 am

Like Siamese Twins? I did not know this before today.

Biff August 15, 2012 at 1:42 am

Been a lot of unfamiliar (to me, anyway) pop culture references on our Wonkette lately.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:45 am

Oldz.

Biff August 15, 2012 at 1:48 am

I haz it.

Gonna be at Laguna Seca from tomorrow through Sunday, yay for me!

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:58 am

That's pretty yaysome, lucky you. (Hugs Biff) Have a wunnerful time, make out with lots of pretty laydeez, and brag all about it right here when you get back. Hope the back's feeling better, baby.

Biff August 15, 2012 at 2:20 am

Prolly not a lotta single womens at the race track, but it'll be an awesome event, anyway.

Back is doing OK, after taking a couple of weeks off, thanks…

Fukui-sanYesOta August 15, 2012 at 2:52 am

You off to the motorsports reunion thing? I haz the jealous.

Went to that a couple of years ago. Best motorsports event I've ever been to. Walking around the pits and seeing everything from Nuvolari's Ferrari to a Saudia-Leyland-Williams F1 car to a Gulf Porsche 917 … I was in car-nerd heaven.

Have a great time and share some pics!

Biff August 15, 2012 at 9:39 am

This year the Shelby Cobra is the featured marque. Too bad ol' Shel didn't live to be there.

Schmegeg August 15, 2012 at 2:00 am

I just pitched a script where Matt Damon and Paul Ryan undergo Face transplants with each other, and hilarity ensues. If I option Travolta and Cage, how can it miss??

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 2:13 am

I'm a big time Kurosawa Fan. I like Japanese movies in General. I don't know why because they are generally depressing and I'm generally a happy person.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 2:33 am

Me too. I think he's one of the best directors ever.

Happiness of the Katakuris is just the weirdest movie I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot). It's about a family that moves out into the countryside and buys an old house and sets up a B&B. It's kind of a musical, and has some very Sound-of-Music-like scenes. It's also very black and very funny. I highly recommend it.

I think of most Japanese movies as realistic rather than depressing, although there's always stuff like Grave of the Fireflies, which if you don't want to put a bullet through your skull afterwards, you're probly the kind of horrible person who pulls wings off flies. Which I know you're not. (Hugs you)

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 2:40 am

Y'all need to watch some ramen westerns like Tampopo. I mean, Kurosawa's okay if you like that kinda genius-y thing…

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 2:56 am

Seen that. I'm not fussy. I'll watch pretty much anything as long as it's *realistic,* you know, about real life and real people. Korean film industry's putting out some amazing stuff of late.

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 2:52 am

I'll look into that.
Hausu is wonderfully weird and cool. They show it a lot on Friday Nights on AMC. I also have it.
Almost indescribable. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076162/
"Fires on the Plain" Is pretty gruesome and depressing. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053121/

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 2:57 am

Sounds very interesting. Just read about Leyte, too. Thank you, will try to put on queue.

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 3:09 am

Leyte?

HogeyeGrex August 15, 2012 at 2:13 am

Separated at birth? I thought the meconium took a couple of days to work its way all out.

Negropolis August 15, 2012 at 2:58 am

You know what other cat had a serious case of the Mondays (i.e. clinical depression)?

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 6:45 am

Hobbs?

HistoriCat August 15, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Me, sometimes?

James Michael Curley August 15, 2012 at 5:48 am

The most significant similarity between Paul Ryan and Matt Damon is that Paul Ryan also hangs around with a bunch of viscous back stabbing apes.

dopper0189 August 15, 2012 at 6:04 am

After Matt Damon gets bit by an eye zombie I bet they would look alike. Just add some zombie eyes to Matt and voila!

PuglyDoRight August 15, 2012 at 6:36 am

Matt Damon has an adorable button nose. Can't say the same for Ryan. Matt Damon has some talent. Can't say the same for Ryan.

Should have been a pic of Eddie Munster.

viennawoods13 August 15, 2012 at 7:25 am

Matt Damon has empathy for fellow human beings. Can't say the same for Ryan.

DahBoner August 15, 2012 at 6:44 am

Oh, sorry, that is Hitler.

Hitler, Ayn Rand.

Who can tell the difference when it's dark?

Frumpzilla August 15, 2012 at 9:26 am

Actually, Matt Damon, in that picture, looks more like young Judy Garland. Makes more sense . . .

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 9:36 am

I'm gonna go right ahead and assume you're both familiar with Sonatine

fitley August 15, 2012 at 9:49 am

Maybe closeted gays have a bone for Paul like they do for Matt Damon.

rockyoumonkeys August 15, 2012 at 10:13 am

Matt Damon looks more like Shep Smith in that picture.

dennis1943 August 15, 2012 at 11:15 am

I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Matt Damons mom…..

carlgt1 August 15, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I'm old enough to remember when "Separated at Birth" was a feature of the paleo-Wonkette-ish "Spy" magazine —- and now 20-25 years later, Faux News uses it? Ugh….

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 8:46 pm

You cetainly did, you sod! It's been ages since I've seen Blackadder, but HOW could I have forgotten that? Thank you. You warmed the cockles of my heart.

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Less surprising when you remember that for Season 2, they recorded different lyrics for the closing theme of each episode.

But, that was the season with the turnip shaped like a thingy…

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 14, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Great Booze Up Edmond!

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:09 pm

No, I used to memorize all the lyrics and sing them out loud on the bus. Keeps the drunks and weirdos away something wonderful.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Yeah, I did. It sounded so *good.*

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 10:43 pm

You *sick* little foxpuppy, you.

foxpuppet August 14, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Ooh- did it just get a little chilly in here, or is it just me?

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:18 pm

HAH! (leaps into the pool, holding nose)

Whaddya mean, chilly? The water's FINE!

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:23 pm

:)

Good to see you're back in your disgusting old form, Radio. (hugs Radio)

foxpuppet August 14, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Mark Spitz? That you? You got a little booger on your face…

RadioBowels August 14, 2012 at 11:40 pm

My disgusting old form??!? Are you implying I look like Ryan?

BTW OT, speaking of the shit, I really am enjoying that Van Gogh bio I mentioned a few weeks ago.

MittBorg August 14, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Oh, hon, everybody KNOWS Mark swallows.

sullivanst August 14, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Did you get up there for the falsetto notes? That'd really make them look at you like they're used to other people looking at them ;)

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:01 am

Jesus, I would *never* be that mean and rotten to you. He looks like they forgot to pull the stake out of his heart after reanimating him.

I've sworn off reading anything upsetting for the nonce, but promise I will catch up with that book someday. I stopped reading about war and torture and death in Kampuchea. Amazing, how much better I feel already. And you, you sound great. Better. More, I dunno, relaxed, or less stressed or something. Which makes me happy for you, my friend.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:09 am

My range is good in the lower register, but I do a pretty mean falsetto, and actually, most loonies don't care for other loonies. The last one looked me right in the eye and said, "You CRAZY" before moving to the opposite end of the vehicle.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 12:09 am

As an irregular Late Late Show viewer, I now feel compelled to say:

Put the hooker in the closet

BerkeleyBear August 15, 2012 at 12:17 am

Just don't take the midnight train to Georgia – that's not the way to San Jose, much less San Francisco.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:22 am

(Hugs you) Don't you worry. It'll be just fine. You two make each other happy already, and that's something not so easy to find. Go with your heart, baby, and keep making each other happy. May life smile upon the two of you always. I am so very happy for you both. Give her a hug and a kiss for me when you see her.

bobbert August 15, 2012 at 12:25 am

An outcome devoutly to be wished.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 8:56 am

Seems substantially similar to the scene I sought to set.

RadioBowels August 15, 2012 at 12:31 am

It works if you work it, it's worth it. And rediscovering deep meditation.
I love me them war books too, but in controlled doses.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:44 am

And you recommend this phillum? Do you recommend him as an actor? is he someone worth watching, like Heath Ledger was?

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 12:49 am

Well he bought a zoo. He can't be all bad.

sullivanst August 15, 2012 at 9:25 am

I enjoyed it, it was a while ago though. Given your other viewing, seems less likely to be a waste of your time than the Bourne franchise.

Designer_Rants August 15, 2012 at 12:49 am

David Letterman:
Paul Ryan used to have a job driving the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. So he and Mitt Romney have something in common. They've both driven a vehicle with a dog on the roof.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 12:52 am

Most of our crazies are pretty cool. The last time I was buttonholed, the crazy in question had some fascinating theories about the moon and ATMs. It's the rightwing nutbags you have to watch out for, they're much more likely to be shooting at you than just wanting a little money for drogas or booze or tail.

Designer_Rants August 15, 2012 at 12:57 am

This was worth reading (it's Twitter, so that's saying something). Remember, you gotta start at the very bottom and read upward. https://twitter.com/WEBOUGHTAZ00

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:20 am

Dude, that didn't end so well.

foxpuppet August 15, 2012 at 1:13 am

Speaking of swallowing, did you see that the Google doodle is celebrating Julia Child's 100th birthday?

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:20 am

Oh, my. If that's him, he looks awful familiar. Must've seen him in something. Thanks.

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 1:29 am

Funny and weird.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:22 am

ZOMG, too fuckin' perfect.

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 1:28 am

It was a family movie so it has to end well. I can only think of a few family movies where everybody gets killed in the end.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:43 am

"Controlled doses" is the trick, huh? Past two years, it's been just about all I've been reading. And then, of course, all the depressing films about WW II. I need to do some meditation.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:49 am

I don't think I've watched a "family movie" since I became an adult. So he doesn't murder his wife and daughter and set their bodies on fire after releasing all the animals? Darn.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:52 am

Rly? Damn, I've really lost touch with the culinary mafia. I should've known that. Thanks for the music, too.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 1:54 am

It woulda been a *lot* more memorable if I'd been there. Though not necessarily more *survivable* for some.

DerrickWildcat August 15, 2012 at 2:02 am

I think, Kagemusha is a family film and everyone gets slaughtered.

MittBorg August 15, 2012 at 2:29 am

Oh, do they HAZ to be single? Man, y'all are fussy.

Good to hear about the back. We Oldz have to look out for each other.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: