Hey, remember Allen Quist, the homophobic Gollum lookalike who Mother Jones profiled a few months back? You know, Michele Bachman’s political mentor, the chap who “went undercover at an adult bookstore and a gay bathhouse in an effort to prove to a local newspaper reporter that they had become a ‘haven for anal intercourse’”? YES, THAT GUY!!! He is now the Republican nominee for Congress in Minnesota District 1! Quist defeated his opponent in the GOP primary with 54% of the vote, and will go on to face incumbent Rep. Tim Walz in the fall.
Mr. Quist is the sort of candidate that reporters might call “colorful,” largely because most media outlets shy away from the more accurate phrase “bugfuck crazy.” As we noted when we last covered his adventures, in addition to his obsession with teh gheys (“At one point…a Senate leader suggested he had an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, having devoted 30 hours to it in a single session”), he is also quite certain that humans and dinosaurs lived together quite recently, since there’s a Cambodian temple that features a carving that he is quite certain can ONLY be a stegosaurus, depicted by people who had seen one, or at least heard about one. (The carving’s head and neck are all wrong; it’s probably an Indian Rhino. More to the point, the carving lacks a thagomizer.) He also believes that the Book of Job should be incorporated into schools’ science curricula, because it proves that dragons were real.
But what else do we know about Mr. Quist? Well, in addition to the dinosaur stuff, he has a lot of other science facts at his fingertips. According to the Mother Jones profile, Quist once
told a Minnesota reporter he believed women were “genetically predisposed” to be subservient to men, pointing to, among other things, the behavior of wild animals.
Quist also believes that the International Baccalaureate program, an advanced placement curriculum, is a UN-sponsored scheme to brainwash children, setting the stage for an eventual United Nations takeover of Minnesota. He thinks “sustainability” is code for a plot to collectivize all citizen in urban areas where they will have to ride bicycles and rely on public transportation. He once called for mandatory AIDS testing for all Minnesotans, to “prevent major penetration of the AIDS virus into the straight population.”
And Michele Bachman campaigned for him this year, praising his “intellectual firepower and courage.”
Nahh, we can’t top that, so we won’t even try.
[Mother Jones ]
{ 230 comments }
Thank you for posting his picture, Wonkette. I will never have sex again.
Which one is it, again?
BOTK.
I have found that staring at my cute partner for about 1 minute helps to bring back my sexy feelings after I've seen pictures of GOP members on the Wonkette. If you don't have an attractiive partner to stare at to counteract the unfortunate GOP Pic Sexual Dysfunction Syndrome (GOPPDS), I hear there may be some porn on the Internet that can help.
I heard that, too. Do you know if it's true?
How could one find out such a thing?
I have heard from friends that you can use one of those searching engines. You type in whatever/whomever you're into, it thinks for a little bit, and then brings up videos and pictures that might be of interest to you. I hear there are also sites that demand payment which I think you should avoid if you are on a tight budget.
I believe this is a good time to say, "Pics or GTFO"!
1 minute? Congratulations, your partner must be pretty fucking hot.
It actually takes less than a minute. He's got to tell me about work first. Then we do it on the dining room table. Then we have to wash the place mats and put the table back together.
But he is adorable. And he's smart and that just ups the adorable factor.
I certainly hope your definition of "intellectual" is different than One L's.
That picture actually made me a virgin again.
Once upon a time, Minnesotans elected Hubert Humphrey and Paul Wellstone and other non-horrible people.
Never would have thought Jesse Ventura was reasonable until now.
he's a veritable statesman compared to these clowns
What the fuck, how do those supposedly good-hearted scandinavians keep pulling the lever for these people?
Pulling the lever?
Visit Anoka sometime, the answer will become all too clear.
Hey, we still got Al Franken, Keith Ellison, and the relatively non-terrible Amy Klobuchar. It's these outstate God's Country types who keep sending the nutcases to DC.
If you're looking for a solution, my suggestion would be to move election day to some time of year when Seasonal Affective Disorder isn't in full swing.
Or during hunting season when, well, you know, someone's surveyor's mark might be in use in someone else's general direction. (Is that vague enough?)
It's the Minnesota Law of Karma – for every wonderful, intelligent politician, you have to give up one placeholder for Te Krazies!….look it up….
Quite a contrast. In our defense, we aren't going to be electing this one to Congress.
Here's to hoping.
/still fuming about the 2008 CD-3 Democratic primary
Thagomizer? methinks this clown would be much more interested in finding a fagomizer
I thought he WAS a fagomizer?
Well his investigation was just his cover for all that bath house humping.
He only has one (small) spike.
Forget the HIV testing…….there is apparently a new and virulent form of "mad cow"…….
You're talking about Bachmann?
And maybe others he infected………..we may have to call in the CDC…….
he believed women were “genetically predisposed” to be subservient to men, pointing to, among other things, the behavior of wild animals
Yeah, I'd like to see this asshole around some wild animals…preferably hungry ones…
Has he heard of the praying mantis?
praying isn't good enough for him. it has to be a born again mantis
Dragonflies pray, but it's just a big act to fool the gullible.
Or dragonflies, or the fish where the female is huge, the male is tiny and a single female basically incorporates the sexual organs of several males to provide a sperm supply.
Or elephant herds. Or hyenas. Or ever so many other species.
Or the females at my house in Arizona.
anglerfish!!!
Or very horny ones.
Horny mantis?
Its the female lions that hunt, but you know facts and these guys don't really go well together.
Males hunt too-but singly, and at night. Researchers found that out when they went out with night-vision goggles.
In Michigan here, the prehistoric Sturgeons just spray the river currents with sperm…lady Sturgeons just sashay through on their way to the lake…
No Mr. Quist, dragons are not real, but drag queens are.
I have a met a few fire-breathing drag queens in my time.
They're awkward to make out with though. The fake breasts are somewhat stiff.
And in a taste of irony, the internet radio station I am listening to just started playing a mix of "Don't Want No Short Dick Man."
(What? Kill me, I like house music. Gives me energy to fight back against assholes like this guy…)
Kill you for that? Only in Texas.
That song. Oh, the memories of riding with a car full of other gay boys headin' to the club and blastin' that song as a middle finger to all the homophobic rednecks who were on their way to such shit hole dives named something like "Hog Snort Bar".
Then there's his wife Julie, who took a turn from DIY-abortion-feminism to born again education zealot…
You mean like Karen "Mrs. Frothy Mix" Santorum?
I'll bet the inside of his head smells like a peep show.
don't throw the baby out with the bathhouse…
The GOTeaP. Pulling America irreversibly down the rat hole of fear, stupidity and ignorance, one congressional district at a time.
Huh? Just one district at a time?
x 50
Intellectual firepower. What kinda weaponry is that?
TARD missiles in this case.
It's just a water pistol filled with runny diarrhea.
Pee shooter?
WTF is in the water up there?
Great minds think alike. See my post below.
Santorum.
Oil-soluble, then?
10,000 lakes of santorum.
"prevent major penetration"
Obligatory 'something tells me this guy would like some major penetration' joke.
Even the idea of a "minor penetration" probably excites this Quist fellow.
He especially loves the minors…
He thinks women and female animals have a genetic disposition to serve males?
Something tells me he knows nothing about how nasty, violent, and rapey female spotted hyenas tend to be. Not only do the females sport a humongous pseudo-penis, but adult daughters show "kindness" to their fathers by being less violent to them than other males.
And he may have overlooked the headless postcoital male praying mantis.
This song's dedicated to Allen Quist tonight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VOwoWlyDpE&fe…
Postcoital male praying mantis: "Doesn't matter. Still had sex."
Sounds like how most suburban teenage girls behave, yep…
"Something tells me he knows nothing about how nasty, violent, and rapey female spotted hyenas tend to be."
Or me.
So, Roller Derby?
I thank creepy deviantART users for the knowledge.
Face it CommieLibunatic, you can say what you want, but when dinnertime rolls around, many, many females in the animal kingdom are hard-wired to serve males….
….and furthermore, most of those males are simply delicious.
Has he looked for the Larry Craig stall in Minneapolis Airport?
it's probably the 'home' setting in his GPS
What's his stance on that?
Wide. Like the empty area between his two ears.
Jeez Louise, did this guy and Michelle drink from the same contaminated well? If so, is it now sealed off? Enquiring minds want to know!
Edit: didn't see Toots' post above.
Can I explain how the Y Chromosome is really a broken X making men deformed women!!!! Please!
Now I know why my boobies don't work…
And I have an extroverted vajayjay that's always trying to get back in.
I know! I keep thrusting out my bare hairy chest and never get better service.
Ya gotta show a li'l sac. I do it all the time when I get pulled over.
Is this that guy they caught humping roadkill?
Thank goodness for the differences. Wouldn't life be boring if we were ALL like Mr. Quist?
So a booth peeper is headed to congress, well, I guess he will fit in with the diaper fetish senator and all the other republican freakshow types so he has a seat in the hypocritical creep caucus.
Dumb Lutherans.
Smartest thing they did was piss off the Catholic Church. It was all downhill from there.
And I think Quist translates to Twig. Just sayin'. Heh
All those macaroni casseroles and jello salads.
And lutefisk-can't forget the lutefisk.
I think this dipshit was hit too hard in the head with a damn thagomizer. Or maybe not quite hard enough.
Don't even get him started on those Brontosaurus bathhouses.
Apatosaur LIBEL!
I briefly had a thagomizer confused with a transmogrifier.
Heartbreaking, really, that the man who conceived the thagomizer and the man who conceived the transmogrifier are both retired, while the Family Circus is still going strong.
Your proof of the non-existence of a loving God is right there.
Billy: Daddy called me a 'bortion' and then he passed out!
apparently Calvin penciled in a retard setting and used it on this guy
It's about time we had a congressman who really understands the meaning of congress. C-Span ratings should skyrocket when he's on the floor. So to speak.
Leave now, and never come back!
I think he's had too much lutefisk–minus the fish.
Sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you feeling hollow inside.
You're not lyeing.
I bow to your caustic remark. Well played, sir.
You brought the full Joe Wilson experience!
"It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Muslin works."
My Precious [bodily fluids]!
My knee is genetically predisposed to kick this guy in the nutz.
Ahem…."with votes!"
With mittborg's metal knee! And votes!
everyone looks like paul ryan
Okay, the guy's a moran. What's your point?
Why do I think this guy has no reason to worry about any form of sex with another person?
That brings up a good point. "Worry" and "sex" are not two things that should go hand in hand (so to speak)
OT: Fans of U.S. Soccer might want to stay clear of ESPN2. The U.S. is playing Mexico at Azteca stadium in Mexico City and it might get ugly really fast.
http://tvpc.com/LiveSport.php?SportID=4465
For those not shelling out the big bucks for ESPN.
I'm stunned it's still scoreless.
Me too. Mexico has a long history of getting frustrated and doing dumb things when they don't score. If this continues into the 2nd half, watch for the yellow cards to start making frequent appearances.
Halftime. Still scoreless. Mexico with TONS of possession, but good work on the d side.
I agree: Theyre' gonna get mad. Or they just don't care, given it's a friendly (yeah, I know … but still — just ONE win in that shithole of a stadium would be nice … please. Also, too: THEY CAN HAZ CLEEN AIRZ?)
Even a draw in in Azteca would be a very positive result for the U.S. and drive Mexico nuts.
Dirty air makes it easier to grab the assholes with the green lasers.
Damn — that was quite the halftime show. Not sure what they said, but I think I know where some of the F&F firepower went …
GGOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
USA! USA! USA!
Holy shit!
I think the American fans better start quietly sneaking out of the stadium.
10 bucks says that if the U.S. wins, Mexican fans will retaliate.
Now that it's over, I'm wondering how long before something not at all good happens.
We'll see …
Winning the game, while controlling the ball for maybe 25% of it … sweet!
I've come to collect:
"Small US fan section being evacuated by police as Mexican fans rain projectiles on them in the upper deck. "
"The result was enough to upset the home fans, too. ESPN's commentators had to give their post-match thoughts under the protection of umbrellas as the disgruntled fans above them dumped beer and every other liquid you can imagine down on them. According to Sports Illustrated's Grant Wahl, the few U.S. fans brave enough to attend the match were evacuated before the final whistle."
Not such a surprise, but still- not cool.
Er- the check's in the mail…
And this is civilized compared to the crap that the team goes through in places like Honduras and even Costa Rica. First time I saw a qualifier in Guatemala (on TV) there was so much stuff thrown on the field that it was hard to follow the ball – and that was before anyone scored!
1-19-1 at Azteca. Whoot Whoot!
This is why I don't gamble.
"Not on anything I can't control" is my rule of betting.
:-)
Great win for the U.S. Just … very, very nice.
Tim Howard was just unbelievable.
Tim Howard is AMAZINGLY AWESOME!
US fans have had such a run of awesome goalies in Keller, Friedel and Howard (and even Meola would have been an upgrade for a lot of sides). I just hope that the D is shored up and the midfield gels enough to give us a fighting shot in Rio.
Did you catch the fingertip save, followed by the toe-tip save, all while laid out sideways? That'll be on YouTube forever.
He looks like "The Fox" from the first season of The Man Show!
"…a Senate leader suggested he had an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, having devoted 30 hours to it in a single session…"
According to the tv ads, you're supposed to seek medical attention if you experience a stiffie lasting more than 4 hours.
he needs to take the cock ring off
“At one point…a Senate leader suggested he had an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, having devoted 30 hours to it in a single session”
Quist must have a phone bill that rivals Cambodia's GDP.
"If you have a session lasting more than 30 hours, see a doctor immediately."
Unlike this guy, my preoccupation with sex is quite healthy.
Here's his political obituary, written back in '98, and hopefully not a minute too soon… http://www.citypages.com/1998-06-24/books/the-bri…
Dude even out-Santorum'ed Santorum: " Years ago, when Quist's first wife died while nearly seven months pregnant, Quist had the fetus removed from her body and displayed in an open casket so his family could properly grieve for an unborn child."
That is srsly fucked up. Out fucks the Bush "foetus in a jar". Ugh.
Yeah, I thought of including that above, but was frankly too squicked out to go there.
The fetus in an open casket thing is really repulsive.
home much did he mourn the wife i wonder?
This guy and Michele are afflicted with a rare genetic disorder, Coldmakesyoustupid. Few have it, but in those that do are lost in reich wing fantasies.
Great, but how does that explain teh crazy in the hot, wet "southern regions" of our country?
Also: one of the first things to go with hypothermia is brain function. You may be on to something.
The true test; how does he feel about incandescent light bulbs?
Well, if you live in the arctic, you can use all of the heat you can get. But then there's all the trips to the store and climbing ladders to replace bulbs. I'll just take the 8 watt led that will last for 20 years.
Why do you hate American ladder workers?
Stupid gayses, tricksy gayses, always keeping it from us…
Needz more black helicopters and UFOs for him to get my vote, sorry.
He believed women were “genetically predisposed” to be subservient to men, pointing to, among other things, the behavior of wild animals.
Like, um … black widow spiders, for example?
Here's some other species where females dominate: elephants, baboons, the Bush family.
Aren't your last two examples duplicates? Just trying to help out…
'elephants, baboons, the Bush family."
you're being redundant
I am finding this post wholly and entirely impossible to masturbate to.
"…prevent major penetration…"
Oh dear, another wingtard pol with penis issues.
And concern for the military.
Is he in a relationship with the P.E.N.I.S. in the anus lady? Cuz, if not, it would make sense.
Wait, anyone else find that there is a resemblance between Gollem and Ryan?
If by Gollem you mean fecal material.
edit: better yet I definitely see the resemblance between Santorum and Ryan.
They both look like zombie-eyed granny-killerz if that's what you mean.
What happened to centrists in the GOP like Basil Marceaux?
Ha! I was just trying to think of that dude's name yesterday! If elected, his first order of business was to cut the gold fringe off of every American flag. No 'effin' lie. He said, "It's the red, white and blue flag, not the red, white, blue and gold flag, so the gold's got to go."
His name is Basil Marceaux-dot-com. Accept no imitations.
… he is also quite certain that humans and dinosaurs lived together quite recently…
Who's going to inform Quist that "The Flinstones" was not a documentary?
Un-fucking-belivable, and yet it happened.
Would that be the opening line of your novel?
Much better than "It was a dark and stormy, etc…"- Eat your heart out, Ken.
Novel? This shit is stranger than fiction.Sent from my iPhone
It was the best of un-fucking-believable times and the worst of un-fucking believable times…
Happy families are all alike; every GOTP family is unhappy in its own way.
"the chap who 'went undercover at an adult bookstore and a gay bathhouse in an effort to prove to a local newspaper reporter that they had become a ‘haven for anal intercourse’”
The phrase, "Takes one to know one," springs to mind.
I think he took more than one. Y'know, for research purposes?
That would explain the smile on his face.
Oh Goodie, He is one of those assholes that believes that people should have mandatory AIDS testing to get a marriage license. Thanks for that asshole. You owe me money. Illinois had that law when I got married.
I had to do that before moving to the USA. That and a tuberculosis scan.
Personally, I think a complete bloodwork scan would be preferable to the whole green card, work residency, H1b, and quotas for immigration purposes. It would make the immigration process take ten minutes instead of ten years. We have the technology.
What if it turned out that this dude was just in some weird, sleep-walking coma for decades?
I dunno. If I were hearing this dude described during an interview, I'd angrily take off my lapel mic and leave. To think that we're lucky enough to exist at all, while an infinite amount of different human consciousnesses could have existed in our place (or not at all), and we still have to deal with this sort of bullshit?
Fuck. It's kind of beautiful, in a ridiculously shitty sort of way.
Evolution does that. Try out every bad idea until they die. The survivors shamble on.
Every day we're shufflin'.
"told a Minnesota reporter he believed women were “genetically predisposed” to be subservient to men, pointing to, among other things, the behavior of wild animals."
PRAYING MANTIS LIBEL!!
Women have brains size of skwirrels!
Somehow the phrase "disgraced former scout master" comes to mind when I look at that pic.
or former Penn State coach…
Wait, does he like noodling?
I'm sort of reminded of George C Scott in Hardcore. Except George C Scott was looking for his abused teenage daughter and Allen Quist is banging a rentboy for fun. But, both undercover.
Oh it gets better…
Check out his fetus fetish.
http://buildourparty.blogspot.com/2009/11/extremi…
As my grandma used to say, "Let's not and say we did."
Rashida Jones needs to help Quist out of his closet…
Just to make it easy for any of y'all with a few extra dollars handy: https://secure.actblue.com/entity/fundraiser/1277…
Sadly, there's no field on the form for donating Hobo Beans.
Since I'm currently not gainfully employed, I can't afford to contribute either. But I hope that if I post a link, someone who CAN afford to donate will find it easier to do so.
"Allen Quist, the homophobic . . ."
GAY!!!
" . . . went undercover at an adult bookstore and a gay bathhouse . . ."
ZOMG so GAY!!!
" . . . prevent major penetration . . ."
GAH, GAY meter broken!
I was wondering what happened to him after his show got cancelled. You remember — Dr. Quist, Leather Woman.
That was after an earlier stint as Vidkun Quistling, Norwegian traitor…
If I asked this question 100 times .. I suppose I have to ask it one more.. Whats Wrong With White People?…
WTF! is wrong with Americans, and what does it say about the rest of the world for letting you sick M.F.ers be in charge?
"told a Minnesota reporter he believed women were “genetically predisposed” to be subservient to men, pointing to, among other things, the behavior of wild animals."
Yes, like the many species of fish where the male attaches to the female's side and wastes away to a little, almost vestigial, nub whose only purpose is to deliver sperm.
The fact that Gary Larsen coined thagomizer made my day.
"…and one Ring to get f***ed in, for research purposes only."
"the chap who “went undercover at an adult bookstore and a gay bathhouse in an effort to prove to a local newspaper reporter that they had become a ‘haven for anal intercourse’”?
He is Captain Obvious, whose e superpower is, well, obvious.
The GOP should be proud. I hope Mitt and his rent boy drop by to do a campaign stop, or at least a taped endorsement to embrace the message.
In the bathhouse, gay sex was going on right under his nose!
More precisely, about an half-inch below his nose.
True teabaggery!
FACT: Recent scientific studies have proven that the more homophobic one is, the greater the chance that they'll get turned on by gay porn. Ergo, that dude's a self-loathing, closeted homosexual just like half the men in the Republicon party.
OT, but did you guys see this? Ted Nugent's bestie, Dave Mustaine says Bamz staged the shootings in Aurora and the Sikh temple because he wants to take away our guns. Can't make this stuff up you guys.
http://music-mix.ew.com/2012/08/15/megadeth-front…
Megabraindeth.
I went to Minnesota once on a business trip. It now seems like it was a good thing we didn't drink the water…
Oh shit. How come I always get this good stuff days later. I am 12 hours ealier in normal time & 11 during make a time. Plz Ms. R, post somethin about 3 am so maybe if I am accidently sober, I won't not be 12 whores late.
Book of Job
This is as close to creating jobs as he's ever going to get…
Why this reminds me of the Onion editorial "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?"
"Undercover Bathhouse Spy"? The History Channel is going out on a limb with that one!
What about "Jon & Kate Plus Bathhouse"?
I bet this guys likes a wide stance.
"… he believed women were “genetically predisposed” to be subservient to men, pointing to, among other things, the behavior of wild animals."
He never met my female Chihuahua. Call her subservient and she will chew his ankles to shreds and when he falls she'll eat his nuts!
We shall see if Minnesotans vote for this hideous viper in the November elections! If they do, money and STUPIDITY reign supreme in Minnesota! I'm hoping sensibility and sanity will prevail, I just need to hold on to the truth that this is not Wisconsin!
If you cite animal evidence to say that women are genetically predisposed to be subservient to men, you are using the theory of evolution to support your argument. But since he doesn't think evolution is real, he used a false premise in his argument, making it invalid. No wonder that he believes these stupid things, he doesn't even understand logic.
He had heard about all that "wriggling around in excrement."
He is clearly lacking a Thagomizer.
… an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, having devoted 30 hours to it in a single session …
OK, I'm impressed. I'm plumb tuckered after about 6 hours.
one can only hope he wins. hours of wonkette fun.
With his fascination with the gheys, perhaps Marcus should be campaigning for him?
Gollum? I think he looks like Old Fred Armisen.
Picture this man in Stegosaurus hide assless chaps.
So that wasn't just me?
Thought my eyesight was going all whacko on me, or that the signs on the side of the field were the cause.
Interesting new tactic. It failed, but it's interesting.
A game a few years ago, I think Trinidad, the U.S was down a goal and the ball boys would purposely take their own sweet time getting the ball back to a U.S. player for a Throw-in. Basically had to run them down and grab the ball from them.
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