Quick: What is the most too-cute grating indie celebrity thing disguised as political activism venture you can imagine this election season? Michelle Williams farming in Ethiopia and blogging, on a website created by Dave Eggers, about how you should vote for Barack Obama because of diversity? Close! It’s actually Jesse Eisenberg staying in a yurt in Mongolia and blogging, on a website created by Dave Eggers, about how you should vote for Barack Obama because he “understands the world writ large.”
We like Jesse Eisenberg’s movies well enough, and he seems like a smart, polite young man, but he needs to be mocked for this. It it his contribution to a Dave Eggers project, “90 Days, 90 Reasons,” wherein twee celebrities like Eisenberg and Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard (who was even married to the ultimate twee celebrity, Zooey Deschanel) offer vague feel-good reasons for supporting the president’s reelection. Here is Eisenberg’s essay!
I’m traveling through Mongolia and currently staying in a yurt. This was not by choice; I’m with persuasive friends. If it were up to me I’d never leave my apartment and, more specifically, the bedroom area. But my comforts have given me a nagging sense of discomfort. I think traveling and seeing how other people live, even if I’m not totally immersing myself, assuages some of my unease because it re-sensitizes me to the difficulties and existential inconveniences that most other people face. In this way, I think Barack Obama is a good leader for our diverse country because he’s seen how the world lives. It doesn’t take a lot to realize that seeing the world forces you to interact with it in a different way and I know that I feel more comfortable being represented by someone who’s seen it.
It’s troubling when you sorta-kinda agree (relative to the other candidate, at least) but still want to vomit everywhere. And if you’re going to go with the “Barack Obama understands the people of the world” angle — which wasn’t even that persuasive in 2008 — at least address how you’ve come to terms with him constantly killing people in like seven countries with flying robots and so forth.
Is this a joke from the GOP?
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I bet Mongolia has better internet access than most of America does.
The invisible hand of the free market works in strange ways.
And tastier beef.
If he's in Inner Mongolia, I'm pretty sure he's behind the Great Firewall of China…
Certainly better than what I have at home. I still have 90 feet of trench to dig (and by dig, I mean have my twelve-year-old dig, because really, I'm still able to connect from the abandoned house on the neighbor's property, so why rush?) before I can convince the only network provider in my area to shove some cables up my conduit and get me hooked up. Trying to get internet service here is worse than the holocaust and the Bataan Death March combined.
I just read a National Geographic article about the trials and tribulations in Mongolia, as nomads abandon what's left of their cattle, and flood the capital, setting up their yurts on the outskirts of the city, with no running water, sewage, electricity or paved roads. It was illustrated with a photo of a father and daughter, cozy in their yurt, watching a video on his iphone! I don't even have an iphone!
In this way, I think Barack Obama is a good leader for our diverse country because he’s seen how the world lives.
But so has Mittens–he's got his money all around the world. He's diverse!
He diversifies. Not the same thing.
Obama, having see how they live, kills them.
Romney shoots blind at sound and movement and imaginings.
I think the world for Romney is "divers-ish".
Yeah, but he was great in Arrested Development!
…wait, that's not Michael Cera?
"This was not by choice"
Yes. Yes it was.
I hate it when my "friends" kidnap me and stick me in a yurt in Mongolia and force me to write platitudes about the President.
It's does not at all smack of privilege and arrogance for rich movie stars to state they have no choice in living in the humble abodes of subsistence-living humble poors; you see Trask and Cameron said that their parents simply would not hear of it, that they would not go. Why, they might even have lost their place on the next production! Sigh.
"(who was even married to the ultimate twee celebrity, Zooey Deschanel) "
Who doesn't love a woman who orders a delivery of tomato soup?
He was even better in the "The Socialist Network."
Where they smashed the
stateface.Women who make tomato soup.
Is it raining? I'll ask my talking computer-phone instead of looking out the window.
Ask the Genius who just showed up on your doorstep to tell you how to use your "it just works" machine.
Damn. Cut to the bone, why don't you.
Really, I got a good guffaw out of that.
Call me crazy, but I think Emily Deschanel is cuter.
Let's say she works my bone good.
My discomforts have given me a nagging sense of comfort of the 0.1%, so fuck you Jesse Eisenberg. Ryan/Wurzelbacher '012! Woo!
Talking about a "yurt" to Americans – that's pretty optimistic on his part, considering most people here think he's referring to some custardy stuff that makes you shit on schedule.
That reminds me – I'll be right back.
My kids learned about yurts in school. For awhile we'd go to Pizza Yurt for dinner.
The only reason I know what a yurt is is because I used to do my local crossword puzzle, no joke.
I bet he refers to movies as films.
Well, I loved him in Zombieland.
Yeah, but Woody kicked ass, and was probably stoned to the gills the entire time they were filming.
But that's what made it so awesome.
That reminds me. I have to go work on my cardio.
I am so screwed in a zombie apocalypse. I can only run about 3/16 of a mile at a time before I turn blue and fall in a ditch. Good thing I'm putting in a home gym. Plus with the evil horrible Obamacare giving me free birth control, I can actually afford the 3 grand a year asthma medication that I should be on but don't take.
Look for the Tea Klux Klan's response: twits from Joe The Plumber — live from a double-wide trailer located in Tornado Magnet, Oklahoma.
Aww isn't that sweet!
I thought Zuckerberg was giving money to the GOP?
For real? I hadn't heard about this.
Mitt and Paul's comforts have given me a nagging sense of discomfort.
At least the guy can string big words together and make reasonable sense of the sentences that result, which is more than I can say for most Rethug bloggers. But I'm not sure that Obama understands Mongolians because I've never seen a yurt on the White House lawn. Could there be one in the basement? Maybe that's where Joe the Veep lives?
HEY! I thought he was in London watching the American Basketball players taking the gold. Better yet, the sportscaster thought he was Mark Zuckerberg! That boy gets around.
If I had any comforts no way in hell I'd leave them for a yurt, and I'm libtarded as all get out.
Comforts come with time, Soupie. You have to wait patiently. Or be a famous film star. Or have a daddy who was the owner of a car manufacturing company. Then comforts come to us all, sort of like a version of the South Seas Cargo Cult.
DFW foresaw his own tweeness and apparently couldn't deal with it. Eggers foresaw his and embraced it. Twee boldly and inherit the earth.
Okay, I have to go search Wikipaedia to research who and wtf you guys are talking about.
Give us a precis so we don't all have to?
When did we turn into People Magazine, I stopped remembering actors names after Robert Mitchum.
"I’m with
persuasiveperverted friends. If it were up to me I’d never leave myapartmentmansion and, more specifically, thebedroomdungeon/nursery area." –Jesse EisenbergDavid VitterBut Mitt's been to France as a missionary and recently to England, Israel, and Poland.
Yeah. Real fuck-ups in one trip. Batting 1.000 he is.
He writ the world large with a spray paint can.
Eisenberg's uncertainty principle is certainly unprincipled.
Don't make me send Walter White after you for tutoring.
When the guy from Death Cab married Zooey I thought there was going to be a tweepocalypse.
The Twee-legions had one planned but then they thought it might bother some people so they cancelled it.
Also, there was a Mumford & Sons concert that day.
I've been to Tijuana and Toronto, where's my crown?
But have you ever been to me?
Gee, thanks. I'm about to go into a meeting for the whole rest of the afternoon with that running through my head?
That was twee before the word had been coined.
Your move, Michael Cera.
He's busy filming a new season of Arrested Development.
I still find it hard to believe that's actually happening, and just hope it won't suck.
Mongoloid Negroidal
I'm sorry, but the only people who are allowed to use the phrase "writ large" are constipated, angry English Ph.D. candidates. But I repeat myself.
"If I don't writ a large one pretty soon, I'm going to explode!!"
I want to comment but the baby in the social worker ad on the top of this page is freaking me out.
Whatever you do, DO NOT LOOK INTO ITS EYES!
And do not press your breast to the screen. He hungers. . .
Too late…I already did…and now I am his 'social' worker. Soon, legions of these baby Mittbots will be roaming the country in their toddler walkers, converting the unsuspecting to mormonism, by a hypnotic stare or a seemingly innocent suckle.
I really hate hate hate how privileged white people seem to think travel is some kind of life-changing awareness heightener that brings you closer to understanding these strange brown people that are so different.
No, travel is just another vulgar display of wealth and privilege, not some bohemian humanitarian mission.
I love travel. You get to experience new people, new places, new things. Just yesterday I traveled to the supermarket and rubbed a mango.
I have to admit, I loved travelling when I could, but mostly because you get to see some cool shit, sometimes.
Depends on what you do afterward.
Jokes aside, I can respect a kid who feels guilt (or something other than entitlement) upon realizing he lives a life of comfort. He'll never be a Republican, at least.
Oh and while we are talking about all these kid actors that are probably trampling some poor Mongolians lawn as we speak Chris Christie and his Keynote speech go unsnarked.
The Winklevoss twins thought of it first.
Talk to me about yer politics after you milk a Mongoloid yak, freight it it back to Billyburg in a traditional Mongoloid yak-skin bota and craft it into a delicious yak chevre, tweetender
Umm lemme guess, touring Mongolia in his Prius.
I'm living in a house in middle-class America, and I'm voting for President Obama because he likes to base his policies on math and science, not on saying whatever the fuck you need to get elected and then do whatever it takes to make your rich friends richer and not giving a shit if everyone else suffers as a result.
But hey! Some actor in a yurt.
YES WE KHAN!
Where did you get your avatar? It's been driving me nuts trying to figure out where.
Je m'appelle Joseph Ducreux, Señor Villa.
how you’ve come to terms with him constantly killing people in like seven countries with flying robots and so forth.
I've come to terms with it because WTF…there's not a lot I can do about it, and Mittens would just make it even worse?
Ben Gibbard's essay about his sister's marriage is very sweet.
To counteract this, the Romney campaign is sending Stephen Baldwin to a tent in the Bahamas to visit Romney's money.
I'm living in a middle-class house that might as well be a damn submarine because its so far underwater, and I'm voting for Barack Obama because Mittens and his little friend would completely screw me over while giving away the farm to their rich-ass friends. Talk about class warfare – there you have it.
you should be on a bumper sticker.
Jesse, let us know what you think about the horse milk.
Hey, who doesn't enjoy sitting in a yurt and getting re-sensitized to the difficulties and existential inconveniences of others? I got existentially re-sensitized big-time last weekend.
I assuaged my unease by not reading past the mid-point of that essay.
Who or what is a Jesse Eisenberg?
Damn kids. Where's my Bing Crosby records?
I was just wondering the same thing myself. None of these names have any meaning for me whatsoever. Who ARE these people, and why should I give a shit what they have to say about anything? These ads are clearly targeted at the twee-celebrity class, to which I do not belong. Here's the ad they made for ME (and probly you as well).
Great ad. Here's another one you might relate to, and you can sing along with it too! http://on.fb.me/Nocuwq
Not so fast, what's a yurt, and why is the Facebook founder hiding in one?
It's like a tent, but I think they're made out of dream catchers.
He needed a place to concentrate and be "wired in"
Not a fan of Jesse Eisenberg. He reminds me of a more Jewish Michael Cera and both are about as pleasant as a mosquito tappin' your right arm. It's not that I don't think they're talented, it's just that every single character they play is that whiny, mopey, whoa is me Generation Yer.
Plus, they're both so creepily fetal. They seem poreless and not ready for exposure to direct sunlight.
"Who says Mongolia is poor? The place is overflowing with cashmere."
I really hate that I have to be the one to break this news to everyone, but Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard got divorced this year. They're still friends, they just were living very different lives.
So what you're saying is that Zooey is available?
What does his creed say about mongoloidals bagging his groceries?
I got nuttin. But hey! Tweeness rhymes with p-Ness!
I had an existential inconvenience once, but I got better. Assuaged it with a heatlhy dollop of yurt.
GUYS. This entire blog post is just a trap, by Jim, to trick us all into saying "mongoloid" in the comments section and get banned.
DON'T FALL FOR IT!!!!
Busted for pot LIBEL!
"The locals here say Obama killed Bin Ladin, so he's a great ruler, just like Genghis Khan!"
Haircut, please!
He's so hipster he doesn't even wear douchey glasses or a fedora.
Zoidberg said what now?
Occupy Mongolia.
"I'm Jesse Eisenberg, blogging to you from beneath a sinister, supernatural hut standing on chicken legs in a remote, wooded area of the Ukraine. You know, before I was pursued by the Baba Yaga, her terrifying cackles echoing through the forest as she swooped from village to village on her flying mortar abducting young children in their sleep, I did not have an understanding of the horrors faced by Slavic peasants, or indeed, the frightening and pathetic lives of the 99% all over the globe. In Barack Obama, I know I have a President who can slay the Baba Yaga. Oh my God, here she comes again!! The poor, defenseless children!!"
Mussorgsky libel!
I think Hellboy rassled with her a couple times, too.
Chet, you are AWESOME!
That deserves so many more thumbs than I can give it.
regardless, he has a point, vote Obie or the death zombie team
Death Cab for Grannie.
In realtime, through Langley.
Hell, it always worked for me.
"I think traveling and seeing how other people live, even if I’m not totally immersing myself, assuages some of my unease because it re-sensitizes me to the difficulties and existential inconveniences that most other people face."
No, Jesse. It does NOT fucking "re-sensitize" you to anything. You're still going home to your apartment and your real life.
What a bunch of crap.
Woe unto thee who mistypes it Mongoloid, as that is copyrighted by Sarah Palin.
Sorry Jesse, I don't give a fuck what you think or where you sleep. In fact, I don't give a fuck about you. I think its the hair, maybe.
"at least address how you’ve come to terms with him constantly killing people in like seven countries with flying robots and so forth."
LOL! Good one!
Did anyone else read that in Jesse's actual voice? Because if you didn't, you're missing out on some laugh-out-loudness. Dude is like a young Woody Allen about the brain.
Something something yurt something something yak butter tea something something Ulan Bator.
But Romney has banked in more countries than Obama? Hey corporations are people now too, so Mitt has had experience with foreign corporate-people!
Mongolian Yurt
Mmmmm!
Blueberry is my favorite…
Mongolians don't live in yurts, Turkic nomads live in yurts. Mongolians live in gers, which are like yurts, but not yurts because they're gers.
From: Jim Messina (JMessina@barackobama.com)
To: Jesse Eisenberg (NotMichaelCera@gmail.com), Dave Eggers (Eggz6969@90days90reasons.com)
CC: David Plouffe (VaderForceChoke@barackobama.com), David Axelrod (Quaxelrod@barackobama.com)
Subject: Your recent blog post from Mongolia
Dear Messrs. Eisenberg and Eggers,
As campaign manager for the president, I want to thank you for your sincere attempt to help assure his reelection. But if you ever again come this close to reminding people that he's a dangerous furr'nur, so help me god I will beat you with a tire iron.
Yours,
Jim Messina
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