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That is the promise of Donald Trump, who is among the most prominent delusional psychopaths participating in the RNC this year (but certainly not the only one!). Although he did once promise us the results of his Hawaiian investigation into Barack Obama’s birth certificate, that can’t be the surprise, because we all know Obama is lying about that anyway. It would be like someone surprising you with the cake you were already eating.

Your Wonkette wants to bring together the combined brainpower of the Wonketariat to figure out what this surprise is and spoil it for all of the RNC-goers. It’s okay; they will be too bloated and tired off of four days of Chick-fil-A to even care.

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